Outcome Independence Levels In Relationships
As I’ve talked about in great detail at this blog and in my book, outcome independence, or OI, is the most attractive non-physical quality a man has to females. OI, when you have it, and most men don’t, is as close as you can come to an actual love potion (barring something external, like alcohol or celebrity status).
To a woman, nothing is more attractive than a man who is polite and chill but who clearly doesn’t give a shit. Giving a shit, which is men’s default setting when it comes to women they’re pursuing or in relationships with, is a huge turn-off for women.
That being said, can OI go too far? Sure. Early in my evolution, I was guilty of this myself. If you let your OI go completely out of control, you will start being an asshole with women and start shooting your mouth off on first dates about whatever comes into your head. You might get laid doing this, depending on other factors, but it’s going to be a long, difficult road for you. In addition, happy, low-drama relationships of any decent length are going to be near impossible for you.
Regardless, that’s a guy who usually isn’t in a relationship to begin with, and perhaps doesn’t even want one. In terms of men already in relationships, can OI go too far?
The answer is: it depends on his goals.
Take a look at this chart.
If you view OI in a relationship as scale, increasing as it goes to the right, on the far left side you’ve got a guy with zero outcome independence. This is the extreme beta male (or fallen Alpha Male 1.0 acting like a beta) with oneitis who is terrified that the woman might leave him. He will make whatever compromises she demands in an effort to keep her around, even if she’s being a total bitch.
On the far right side of the scale, you’ve got the Alpha with an extreme amount of OI. This is likely an Alpha 2.0, since Alpha 1.0s usually lack outcome independence, since a high degree of confidence and a low degree of outcome independence is what defines the Alpha Male 1.0, as I showed in these handy charts here.
Getting back to this extreme Alpha 2.0, this guy literally doesn’t give a shit, at all, about anything in the relationship, even if it ends right this second. He’s taken the extreme OI attitude of, “I’m going to do whatever the hell I want, and if she doesn’t like it, I’ll just next her ass and be onto the next woman.”
This is a great attitude to have. I wish more men had it. The world would be a far better place if more men had that attitude. Much of the world’s problems and suffering are a direct result of men having too much outcome dependence and oneitis when it comes to women.
That being said, that doesn’t mean there aren’t any possible downsides with having this attitude. One possible downside is that with that attitude, you will only be able to have FBs and normal MLTRs, and even then, these relationships aren’t going to be long-term. Having a high-end MLTR would be extremely difficult. Having any sort of OLTR would be impossible.
You may respond that you don’t care. Again, that’s great! Then that attitude is the correct one to have.
But, if you desire any relationships that are either more serious or long-term, you’ll have to back down on that level of OI just a little bit, about 10%. No more than 10%! Just 10%. At that level, serious and/or long-term relationships will be workable and harmonious for you.
You’ve got to be careful though! If you start getting oneitis, lazy, or complacent, you’ll start dropping that 10% down to 20%, 30%, 50%, or more. De facto monogamy will likely be the result. Drama and bullshit will be the result after that.
If your goal is long-term nonmonogamous relationships that are low-drama, your objective should be, in terms of the relationship, to bring your level of outcome independence to 90%, then take a hammer and nail it there forever, never letting it drop below that. (Or allow it to grow beyond that, unless you decide you don’t want long-term relationships anymore.)
Of course, as always, if you’re on the other side of the scale, don’t mind lots of drama in your relationships, and/or love monogamy, feel free to ignore everything I’m saying and forget about outcome independence altogether. You’ll be a needy pussy, and your girlfriend/wife/whatever will have you by the balls, but you probably won’t mind.