While I’m done having kids myself, I know that the vast majority of you reading this intend on having kids someday when you’re older. Consider this article a companion to the how to properly move in with a woman article. Today’s article is about when you have had a very long term OLTR in your life, have lived with her for a while, and have decided to have children with her in the safest way possible within today’s anti-man dangers.
I realize I have many readers here who never want kids. That’s fine. You guys can take the day off today. This article is for the other 90-95% of men who want kids “someday.”
Before getting into the steps, I’m going to have to repeat a few key points about having kids that I have written about before, but that many of you have probably forgotten.
Point 1: Having and raising kids will make you less happy, no matter how you structure it. As I have demonstrated with studies and surveys many times (including here and here), having children actually reduces overall happiness, at least a little, for about 20 years until the little bastards move out. This will happen regardless of how good of a father you are, the structure you use regarding how you father and raise your children, or whether or not you’re living with their mother. Raising kids is extremely stressful and expensive, even if your kids are the most well-behaved children on planet Earth.
Just remember that if you choose to have kids, you are choosing to be less happy for about 20 years. This is the price you pay for being a father, and it’s a big one. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that you’ll be happier on the overall with kids. You won’t be.
That doesn’t mean I’m advising to never have kids. I have two myself and I love them to death. If you’ve really evaluated whether or not to have kids and you still really want them, then have them, but don’t bullshit yourself with a bunch of guy-Disney about how happy it will make you.
Point 2: Read my book about the best way to raise a child under today’s difficult, modern realities. Raising your kids like it’s the 1950s is not going to work and will just screw up your children. The least-bad way to raise kids in the modern era is the specific method I lay out under the Alpha Male 2.0 father parenting model. I have two chapters in that book specifically devoted to raising kids.
I’ve been an Alpha Male 2.0 for almost ten years now, and my two kids have turned out great.
Point 3: You should wait until you’ve accomplished your big goals in life before you have any children. For most men, that means their 40s. I screwed this one up. Learn from my mistake. A lot of you guys get really upset when I say this, but I’m right: you should accomplish most or all of your big goals and Mission before you slam the breaks on all that by having children, as I demonstrated in detail here. If you think this raises the odds of birth defects, please refer to Chapter 23 in my book where I examine that in detail with actual scientific stats, or refer to the 2% Rule if you don’t have my book yet. (It’s only 9 bucks, just get it.)
I love my kids, but I had them when I was 25 and it was a huge mistake that severely damaged my momentum in life. If I had to do it all over again, I would have waited until age 40 or 45 at the earliest.
Point 4: Always plan on the reality that you will eventually break up with or divorce the mother of your children, and likely do so before your children are 18. Expecting to be with one woman for 20+ years just because you had a baby with her is the height of stupidity, delusion, right-wing Societal Programming, and guy-Disney. That isn’t how men and women work anymore. We live in a society with 60-70% divorce rates, and having children is very hard on a relationship. Make sure you put all the usual OLTR / Alpha 2.0 safeguards in place in your relationship with your baby momma, because you’re not going to be with her forever, regardless of her or your current emotions today.
Alright, with that out of the way, here are the 11 steps to properly having a baby with a woman. You start this process before you get anyone pregnant.
1. Do a budget. Write up a budget of all your monthly income and expenses if you don’t have one already.
2. Track expenses. For 90 days, track all of your expenses and income to the dollar, then modify your budget accordingly. You must do this because the first time you make a budget it will never be accurate. Always make important decisions based on measurements from the real world, not guesses.
3. Assess childcare costs. With your new, accurate budget, ask yourself this question: do I have an extra $300-$500 per month that I can spend on a new expense without any major problems?
If the answer is no, you are not ready to have children. If you have children anyway, your finances will be pushed to the limit, you’ll go into debt, have massive financial problems, and when your GF/wife/OLTR dumps your ass, she’ll go on government assistance to pay for that damn kid, which means I have to pay for it, which means you’re a loser, you’re officially contributing to the downfall of Western civilization, and now I hate you.
So let’s avoid all that unpleasantness. If you can’t find an easy $300-$500 per month of extra cash, you need to either increase your income or drop your expenses before you crank out any babies.
You might say, “But BD, she has income too!” I don’t care. That income may not be around once that baby arrives. Very few women are going to want to keep working 40 hours a week when there’s a new baby at home, particularly if that woman has a nice, stable, financially supportive guy like you around.
When it comes to bearing the financial cost of a baby, a woman might be able to help, but it won’t be on her. It’s going to be her baby daddy, her parents, or the government (most likely the government). The stats clearly show this. How many mothers (single or otherwise) do you know who 100% financially support their own children every month with ZERO help from parents, government, or the father? There you go.
By the way, I did this myself back when I was in my early 20s. I did a budget, made sure it was accurate, and made sure I could afford to have kids before I actually got anyone pregnant. It isn’t that difficult. If more men did this simple step, it would be a much better world.
4. Research child custody laws in your state / province. Via the internet or talking to a family attorney (or both), you need to clearly understand how child support and child custody work within the city you live. How is child support determined? How is visitation and custody determined if/when the parents part company? How is custody contested? You need to know the answers to these questions before you get anyone pregnant.
And remember, every state / province / country is very different, so never take advice on these things from anyone who doesn’t live very close to you.
5. Write up an enforceable parenting plan. If applicable in your area (and it usually is), using the forms from your local government, write up a parenting plan that lays out issues such as custody and visitation. Sign it with your lady in front of a notary, get it notarized, and then file it down at your local courthouse.
You might live in an area where parenting plans are not available, or are available but not enforceable. If you live in one of these areas and the area has some very oppressive, anti-man child support laws, you should seriously consider moving to a different state / province / country before you father any children. I’m very serious about this. Having and raising children in an area where fathers have very little rights is just asking for trouble. Too many men make this mistake. Don’t be one of them.
6. Make a baby. This is the fun part. Once your parenting plan is signed and filed, grab your OLTR and fill her up. Give her some impregnator dirty talk during sex for maximum enjoyment. “I’m going to fucking impregnate you! You’re going to have my baby, bitch!” <face grab> “Tell me you want my baby! SAY IT BITCH!” Mmmmmm good stuff.
7. Don’t let your lady go crazy with expensive baby shit during the pregnancy. While she’s preggo, her mom, girlfriends and sisters are going to fill her with false Societal Programming about all the crap she needs to buy for the baby, often with your money. Be a man, be Alpha, stay strong, and don’t fall for it.
A used crib from Craigslist, a simple stroller, a few baby clothes, a good breast pump, a good diaper disposal system, some diapers and baby food are all you need. Anything more is just ego stroking for momma. If she wants to spend her money on frivolous baby crap, then fine, but you don’t need to be buying any of that shit. Your money has more important uses, like paying down your debts, building your business, or investing for the long term.
Remember that just because you’re a father doesn’t mean you have to be a beta. Maintain your Alpha frame during and after the pregnancy at all times.
Enjoy the pregnancy sex too. I’ve been with several pregnant women (in all three trimesters) and it’s super fun. Women are crazy bee-otches in bed while they’re pregnant. And you can’t get them pregnant! And they have big boobs too! Win.
8. DNA test the baby the instant it comes out of that vag. As soon as that baby is born, you need to have a DNA sample taken, securely packaged, and securely sipped to a recognized DNA test lab to ensure that you are indeed the father. “Securely packaged” and “securely shipped” are important, because in some states / provinces you need to prove secure transport to the DNA lab for the paternity test to be legally valid. Again, do your research before all of this so on the big day you’re ready to go.
I’ve already discussed the reason for this at length in my books and past blog posts, but the summary is that if you wait two or three years to paternity test your kids and then find out they’re not yours, you’re screwed. The government isn’t going to care, and you’ll have to pay child support for kids that are not yours for the next 18 years or you’ll go to prison. Isn’t that nice? I’m so glad we live in such a fair, left-wing world.
To prevent this, you need to paternity test that baby as soon as it’s born and before you sign the birth certificate. Do NOT sign that birth certificate until the test results come back showing that you’re the father. Do NOT let her, her family, or your family pressure you into signing the birth certificate before then. Are THEY going to pay child support if you’re not the father? Screw them. Be smart.
There might be some scenarios where the doctors or whomever say you have to sign the birth certificate right then and there. I’m no attorney so I can’t advise you here. I’m simply telling you that signing that birth certificate before you know you’re the father is like playing Russian roulette with a loaded pistol. Don’t do it.
If your response to all of this is, “I don’t have to check the baby’s DNA. She wasn’t fucking any other guys nine months ago,” then you’re a pussy, you have oneitis, you’re not thinking clearly, and I can’t help you. Google search the statistics on the number of babies born to men who are not the biological fathers. I think you’ll be shocked.
No matter how much you love her or trust her, get the paternity test done as soon as the baby is born. If you’re worried about her reaction, tell her way in advance (before you get her pregnant even) you’re going to do this so it won’t be a surprise to her. Don’t be stupid.
10. If you come back as not the father, you have a decision to make. What if the test comes back negative and you’re not the father? Then do not sign the birth certificate! As to what to do after that, I can’t advise you. I know what I would do, but everyone is different and you need to make your own decision.
What would you do, BD?
Well, since you asked. I’m not recommending you do this. This is simply what I would do. To me, the problem is not that I’m not the biological father. The problem is that this woman tried to trick me into thinking I was. That is very serious business. A lie of this level of destructive magnitude means that she does not qualify for an OLTR at all.
Therefore, I would immediately but nicely downgrade her to FB, and if I lived with her I would nicely kick her out. I wouldn’t get upset or be a jerk about it, and if she needed some time after the childbirth to settle for a little bit, that would be okay and I would accommodate her. But the OLTR relationship would be over instantly and she’d have to be out of my house within 30-45 days. I would also encourage her to contact the real father so things like child support and custody could be arranged, but that would be her problem.
Once she moved out, I would continue to be friendly with her and see her as a FB. I’ve had many FBs in the past who I kept seeing after they had other men’s babies, and it was perfectly cool with me. Be sure to be very careful with the condoms and birth control, though! A woman who cranks out one baby is more than happy to crank out some more.
11. If you are the father, update the parenting plan. If you’re the daddy, sign the birth certificate. Congrats! You’re a father. Then, if it’s needed based on where you live, update the parenting plan with the baby’s name and social security number, and re-file it. Make sure you keep everything official and compliant with the law at all times, otherwise you’ll get bitten in the ass later.
Now, if you and baby momma ever break up or get divorced (and you probably will), instead of having a huge and expensive custody battle with lawyers and shit like everybody else does, you just pull out the parenting plan and do what is says. Very simple.
12. Enjoy the joys and pains of being a father. Don’t have any more kids until you know you can afford them. Start being a daddy, but don’t have any more kids until your accurate budget clearly indicates you can afford another one. Today in this modern era, the less children you have, the better. Having four, five, six or more kids was a great idea for a man back in the 1800s, but today doing that in the Western world is ridiculously dangerous in terms of your long-term happiness and finances. Do your best to stick with one or two, then get a vasectomy or go on TRT using a microscope protocol to reduce the odds of any future accidents.
There you have it. The safest and least-bad way to father children in the modern era. Or just don’t have kids. Up to you.