This article is an amalgamation and summation of a topic I’ve talked about at various points on this blog. Today I’ll give you an easy, single place to get the basic info. If you want more detail on this topic, you should get this ebook or this one.

Let’s say you have an OLTR you really care for and want to move in with for whatever reason. Maybe you want to be with her, maybe you want to have kids, whatever. You have been with this woman at the OLTR level for at least six months, preferably a year or longer, and during that entire time she’s been cool with the nonmonogamous aspect of the relationship with very little drama or jealousy. You don’t want to legally marry her because you know that’s not what you want, but you would still like to live with her.

How do you move in with her while still protecting your finances, self-esteem, and sexual freedom? Today I’ll give you the exact steps you need to take.

I will not be discussing the topic of having children today, since that’s an entirely different area. If you want detail on that, you should get my Alpha Male 2.0 book since there I go into detail on the topic of the Alpha Male father.

The below steps must be followed in the exact order given. You will notice that at the end of every step, there is a “call it off” section where you need to cancel this entire move-in-together thing if certain parameters aren’t met.

Here we go!

Step One: Spend $100-$200 and go visit a local family attorney to understand common law marriage and palimony law in your city. 

Common law marriage means you are automatically, legally married after living with a woman for X number of years, even if you never actually signed a marriage license.

Palimony is the same thing as alimony, except it applies to a girlfriend you lived with without marrying.

The laws regarding these two things vary widely based on the city, state/province, or country. You must have a thorough understanding of these local laws before you move in with any woman. If, for example, you are legally married via common law marriage after living with a woman for just two years, well shit, you need to know that, don’t you? As another example, if you are required to pay her palimony if she moves out of your home after five years, you need to know that too.

If you find the common law / palimony laws in your city are too restrictive, call it off. Don’t move in with her. Your options at that point are:

1. Move in with her, but kick her out right before the common law or palimony kicks in. Obviously be nice about this, and explain this to her before she moves in with you.

2. Never move in with a woman.

3. Move to another city/state/province/country with less insane co-habitation laws.

If you thoroughly understand the laws in your area and they are workable in your situation, then you may proceed to step two.

Step Two: Write up a co-habitation agreement and have her sign it with a notary present.

During your attorney visit, you must also inquire about the enforceability of a co-habitation agreement in your city. If it is indeed legally enforceable in your area, have the attorney write one up, or for $15 you can download a boilerplate version from LegalZoom right here. (I would still run it by your attorney though; remember, regional laws vary.)

Take your special lady to your local bank, and in the presence of notary, sign the document, have her sign it, and have the notary sign it and stamp it. Give her a copy of the document, but you keep the original. Make a few electronic copies for yourself, then hide the original in a place she doesn’t have access to, like a safety deposit box she doesn’t have the keys for, or a locked, fireproof safe to which she doesn’t know the combination.

If you find co-habitation agreements are not enforceable where you live, call it off and don’t move in with her. Your options at that point are:

1. Never move in with a woman.

2. Move to another city/state/province/country with less insane co-habitation laws.

If your sweet little angel refuses to sign the co-habitation agreement, call it off and don’t move in with her. Downgrade her to MLTR or FB and go meet some new women so you can find a new OLTR who is more understanding of the modern-day legal risks men incur when they move in with a romantic partner.

Once you have your enforceable co-habitation agreement signed and notarized, then you may move on to step three.

Step Three: Move in together, but make sure just ONE of you are on the lease, mortgage, or deed, NOT BOTH OF YOU.

I’m not going to explain this here since I’ve already discussed this here and here. I also go into more detail about this in my ebooks.

You move in to HER house or HER apartment, or she moves into YOUR house or YOUR apartment. Don’t put both of your names on anything. If you do, you’re either an idiot or you enjoy drama.

If she refuses to do this and demands that you put both your names on a house or lease, call it off and don’t move in with her. Downgrade her to MLTR or FB and go meet some new women so you can find a new OLTR who is more understanding of the modern-day legal risks men incur when they move in with women.

Step Four: Keep your finances separate once you move in together.

Since most women are communists in their personal lives, once you move in together, she’s going to push very hard to start combining everything. Checking accounts, car loans, cell phone accounts, savings accounts, she’s going to start gently prodding you to begin combining all these things because “it’s easier” or “more convenient” or “just makes sense” or “saves us money.”

Don’t fall for it. This is all part of the feminine processes of betaziation and nesting. She’s not doing this because she’s evil; it’s simply a natural process for her as a woman. Back in the 1950s when people pair-bonded for life and the divorce rate was 7%, combining everything like this would be perfectly fine. But today? With sky-high divorce rates and breakup rates? Hell no. Combining your finances with your live-in girlfriend these days is insane.

NO joint checking accounts. NO joint loans (yes, that includes car loans). NO joint credit cards. NO “family” cell phone accounts. NO joint savings accounts or investments (even if it’s for that “upcoming trip for us to go to Europe”).

Everything you and her want to do financially can be done with separate accounts. If you want to take care of her financially, that’s fine. Give her cash. If you want her to contribute to the household bills, that’s fine. Have her give you cash or write you a check every month for whatever percentage of the bills she needs to cover.

But for god’s sake, don’t set up a joint checking account with both your names on it so she can use it to “pay bills” or “get groceries” or whatever. What happens when she starts bouncing checks or charges out of that account? What happens when you break up (which you probably will)? Again, don’t fall for it.

If at any point in the move-in process she starts bitching that you should have a joint checking account or mobile phone account or whatever, explain to her very clearly that you are NEVER doing this. If she gives you drama about it, you know what to do (call it off, downgrade her, and go find someone else).

Step Five: Don’t go monogamous just because you move in together. Keep having sex with other women, even if just occasionally.

Sometimes, an OLTR who was cool with you having sex with other women when you weren’t living together will suddenly assume that you’ll “go mono” now that you live in the same home. This doesn’t always happen, but I have seen it with many couples where the Alpha gets a little lazy or complacent with his frame.

You need to educate her very clearly before you move in that you are still in a nonmonogamous relationship, and while you will abide by the ground rules you have both agreed upon regarding extra-curricular sex (which is standard for an OLTR relationship), you’re not EVER going to be 100% sexually monogamous. If she has a problem with that, you know what to do (call it off, downgrade her, and go find someone else).

Here’s a very important point. It’s true that once you live with a woman, you’re going to have to put up with a little more drama and rules than you did before, even if you’re in a very low-drama, long-lasting OLTR, your Alpha frame is rock-solid, and she’s utterly amazing. As I’ve said before, even if you’re doing everything right, a 10-20% increase in regular drama is unavoidable when you move in with a woman regardless of the circumstances. (Notice I have not moved in with a woman in the last eight years. This is why. My life is so good I am loathe to incur even a 10% increase in drama from women. If/when I move in with a woman at some point, and I probably will, I’m going to have to suck it up and deal with it.)

Moreover, when you live with any other adult, you’re going to also have a small increase in rules you must follow. It can’t be any other way. So yes, you will have to abide by some more rules from her than you did before. For example, if she demands a rule about not having sex with women in your new shared home, that might be okay. (That’s something you’ll have to clarify with her.)

One final point about having sex with side-women once you move in with your OLTR. You are more than welcome to back way off on it. If before you moved in together you saw one or two side women every week, and once you moved in you only saw them once every four or five weeks, that’s perfectly fine and very normal. What I’m saying is you don’t want to completely stop having sex with women on the side. That’s monogamy, and monogamy equals drama, oneitis, scarcity mentality, betaization, sexual boredom and reduced sex, decreased testosterone, and all kinds of negative crap you’re not going to like. These things won’t happen immediately, but over time they will eventually manifest, no matter how awesome you or her are.

Step Six: Don’t hesitate to NEXT HER or KICK HER OUT if she becomes problematic at any point.

I said that you will probably have to tolerate a little more drama from her now that you’re living together. A little more drama is normal and unavoidable. But, and this is a big BUT, just because she lives with you now does not mean she has the right to start bossing you around like the standard societal wife, or be a bitch.

If she starts getting bossy or bitchy, INSTANT SOFT NEXT! How do you next a woman if she lives with you? Well, in a standard live-in arrangement it’s impossible. However, while a little complicated, in my open relationships ebook I discuss how to structure Dual Live-In OLTRs and Virtual Live-In OLTRs where it is actually possible to next a woman you’re living with.

If she starts getting bossy or bitchy as a new pattern of behavior and nothing else is working, KICK HER OUT. Or if the home is hers, MOVE THE FUCK OUT and get back to your free and happy life. Do not put up with shitty behavior from a woman just because you live with her. Do not assume that you must suffer regular drama from a woman just because you live with her. You don’t. No one has the right to make you unhappy. Never forget that.

Since you’ve followed all the other steps, moving out isn’t the big deal it usually is for societally brainwashed monogamous people. She’s signed an enforceable co-habitation agreement, you have a full understanding of co-habitation law in your city, and you have no combined finances. So you just move out and suffer no hassle. Your finances are all protected and unchanged. Since you were never monogamous, your sex life continues as if nothing happened.

Now that’s how you do it.

Of course, if this all seems like too much work, then just don’t move in with anyone. Have a serious OLTR you see often but who lives in at her own place. That’s always an option too. (Though I know most men reading this will want to move in with a woman at some point in their lives, especially as they get older; myself included).

27 Comments on “How To Move In With A Woman – Step-By-Step Instructions

  1. What if the landlord insists that all residents sign the lease agreement? That seems pretty common to me.

  2. As a substitute for soft nexting, I’ve had good results with quietly going silent for a few days. I’m doing this from a position of strength: I hear things like “if I piss you off you’ll just find a new girlfriend” and “there’s no point in trying to hurt you because you don’t care”.

    That’s the difference between sulking like a pussy, and putting her in timeout like she’s been bad.

    It’s over and forgotten when she comes to me and apologizes. She knows “sorry” is the magic word, if she says it like she means it.

    I worked this out a couple years back after reading your Soft Next idea. The first couple of times, I didn’t really believe it would work. Men now usually don’t understand how strong a hand they’re holding in the relationship, and the girl sure as hell won’t weaken her hand by telling you.

    These are my results with one girl. But it’s one with an abnormal need to rebel against authority.

    By your standards, BD, it’s sub-par. But most men I know don’t believe anybody can have it so good. Funny old world.

  3. What if the landlord insists that all residents sign the lease agreement?

    Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. It depends on the region, landlord, and situation.

    Also, when I say “on the lease” I really mean “responsible for the rent.” Often the non-rent-paying tenant can be on the lease as a sub-tenant, subleasor, or “tenant in common,” all of which means everyone acknowledges they’re living there, but they’re not actually responsible for any rent.

    If your landlord indeed is forcing you into making both of you sign for rent responsibility, don’t move in with a woman or move to a different location with less restrictive lease policies.

    As a substitute for soft nexting, I’ve had good results with quietly going silent for a few days.

    Going silent when you don’t live with a woman = soft next = good.

    Going silent when you live with a woman = the silent treatment = bad.

    As I clearly state under the “drama” definition in the glossary, the silent treatment is not a next. Not even close. The silent treatment is drama. You’re still in her presence and you’re throwing (nonverbal) negativity towards her. And it doesn’t matter what frame you do it in. It’s negative, and you’re still there. Drama. Not a next.

    The silent treatment is the “poor man’s” next when he lives with a woman and doesn’t know what else to do to shut her up. It does not create any feelings of fear or loss in the woman like a soft next does, doesn’t build attraction like a soft next does, and simply causes resentment. So yeah, it’s very, very sub-par. I would never do it.

  4. Second that rule number three only works if one of you owns a house… Renting today is strange or not mutually beneficial. Everyone has to be on the lease no matter of credit score or income, no pets or some outrageous deposit, tons of non-refundable moneys, leases read like some draconian life signing away contract…

  5. Everyone has to be on the lease no matter of credit score or income

    Not necessarily. Read my comment above. The only liability you incur from someone who is on the lease but not responsible for rent is if they physically damage the unit. But you’d have that same risk if you owned a house.

    (And obviously if you’re worried about any woman trashing your home, you would never live with one.)

  6. I don’t agree with moving a woman into your house. I recently read about a guy that kicked out his wife after she cheated with a guy that was paroled from prison and she started to lay on the guilt trip really thick. Aside from the guilt trip you can’t just kick someone out like that legally; you have to give them a thirty day eviction notice, which can make those thirty days hell is she wants to be a bitch. Even you go to a hotel, you risk leaving her alone in your house creating a situation where she can cause some damages if she is crazy enough.

    Also do you know if you move in to her house where there is no lease signing involved as with an apartment, and have your mail sent to the house you own or another address to avoid common law marriage laws? laws?

  7. “kick her out” with no unintended consequence is a Disney fantasy. Here’s what happened to me and what can happen to you. The woman, call her X, signed a cohabitation agreement and moved in to my house. After 6 months the drama increased. After 9 months drama increased doubly so I told her to get out. That was in January. X said she had to find a place so it could be 1-2 months. X also asked for moving expenses which I refused pointing out that she saved on rent all this time. After 1 month X did not find a place and said she wasn’t moving out for another 90 days. I started moving some of X’s stuff into the garage. X called the police. I live in Chicago and the police don’t like domestic disputes. They came to the house and told me not to touch her stuff that she was a legal resident. If I wanted her to move, I would have to evict her via a court order. If I moved her stuff again, and they had to come back, they threatened to take me to jail and I’d have to go before a judge to get back into my house. While the cops were there X told them I took injections from illegal meds. I told them I had a prescription for Testosterone and it was perfectly legal. The next day I hired an attorney. one to evict her and two to have on call in case I was locked up. It’s not easy to find an attorney familiar with evictions. Most of them are divorce attorneys and are costly. I paid the attorney a non refundable $1500 retainer fee. I also paid the attorney $300 for eviction court fees. The attorney told me she wasn’t a legal resident but at this stage a squatter. First the attorney called X and threatened to serve her, take her to court and have her served with a eviction notice. he explained the cost to her involved to hire a attorney and go to court. He alos threatened to sue her after she was evicted for my costs to evict her including attorney costs. The attorney explained to me that it was winter and no judge would evict a woman with average temperatures less than 30 degrees so best case if we went to court she could not be evicted until many mid-March which was 2 months away. After this X then told me she found an apartment and would move out March 15. Since I could not get her out sooner, even if I went to court, I told the attorney not to go to to court and rebate my court fees. X moved out on March 15th with maximum drama between the attorney call and move out date.

  8. I don’t agree with moving a woman into your house.

    A lot of men don’t and I think that’s a very wise policy. Just have her spend the night over at your place a lot instead of actually moving in.

    The reason I give advice about moving in with a woman is because of this.

    I recently read about a guy that kicked out his wife after she cheated with a guy

    His fault. He was monogamous. Never get monogamous!!! That way cheating is a non-issue.

    Aside from the guilt trip you can’t just kick someone out like that legally; you have to give them a thirty day eviction notice

    This is covered in Step One and Step Three in the above article.

    Sometimes that’s true, usually it’s untrue. Often it’s only the case if they’re on the lease or registered as a sub-leasor. Again, laws vary, and if you get burned by this, it means you ignored Step One or Step Three above, which is your fault.

    Also do you know if you move in to her house where there is no lease signing involved as with an apartment, and have your mail sent to the house you own or another address to avoid common law marriage laws

    I cover that in more detail in my ebooks. Yes, you should have a separate mailing address. As to whether or not it helps to avoid common law, it depends on the region. (Aaaaannd we’re back to Step One again.)

  9. As an aside can you fix the reply section so that one can correct grammar and spelling mistakes after the reply is submitted?

  10. “kick her out” with no unintended consequence is a Disney fantasy.

    No it’s not. I’ve seen many men who take these kinds of precautions and kick a woman out (NICELY) with no problems. Of course moving out and ending a relationship is never fun, so there isn’t necessarily “no consequences” because I’m sure there will be some hassle emotionally and with getting her stuff out of your house, etc.

    And yes, you always risk moving in with a woman who goes psycho later. That’s why I repeatedly say you should date a woman for a long time, ideally an entire year, before moving her in with you.

    And again, if this is your concern, and I agree it’s a valid one, never move in with a woman.

    Regarding your particular circumstance:

    – You didn’t do Step One. You only discovered the laws when it was way too late. The entire point of step one is to avoid your exact circumstances.

    – I would have thrown $500 (or whatever) at her to pay moving expenses just to get her out of my hair ASAP so I could get back to happiness again, but that’s me. Sucks, but I’d rather be out $500-$1000 in moving costs than go through several months of hell and thousands of dollars of attorney’s fees.

    – I discuss this more in my ebooks, but one of the requirements for a woman moving in with you is that she must ALWAYS have a place to move out TO. Be it her mom, sister, best friend, whatever. And again, if I had to pay a few hundred dollars to cover first month rent or something just to get her out of my hair, I would do it. (I wouldn’t like it, but I would do it.)

    – Dual Live-In OLTR and Virtual Live-IN OLTR (ebooks again) prevent this exact problem because she doesn’t legally live with you and she ALWAYS has a place to go (though granted there are some complications in setting these up).

    As an aside can you fix the reply section so that one can correct grammar and spelling mistakes after the reply is submitted?

    That requires a serious upgrade to the comments system here. It’s on the to-do list and it will happen, but it will be a while.

  11. While your intentions are good this could be very bad advice depending on where you live.
    Prenups & cohabitant agreements will not hold up after a few years.
    Unless you have no assets in which case you have nothing to lose and it doesn’t matter.

  12. While your intentions are good this could be very bad advice depending on where you live. Prenups & cohabitant agreements will not hold up after a few years.

    Um, allow me to copy-and-paste repeat some of the above article you seemed to have missed:

    During your attorney visit, you must also inquire about the enforceability of a co-habitation agreement in your city…

    …If you find co-habitation agreements are not enforceable where you live, call it off and don’t move in with her.

    Not sure why that is bad advice.

  13. Don’t get how it benefits me if she’s not responsible for rent. If she has to be on the lease anyway, why not have her ass on the hook for rent? Is your theory that it’s legally easier to kick her out if she has no financial responsibility to the landlord? If so, do you know if that’s really true?

  14. Don’t get how it benefits me if she’s not responsible for rent. If she has to be on the lease anyway, why not have her ass on the hook for rent? Is your theory that it’s legally easier to kick her out if she has no financial responsibility to the landlord?

    Yes. But wait; we’re talking about two different problems here. One, if you move in with a woman and she refuses to move out, like Dennis is describing. Two, if you move in with a woman and she suddenly moves out when you’re not planning on it, and then you’re stuck with a lease you weren’t planning on dealing with all by yourself.

    Here’s a very common example I’ve seen a million times:

    On January 1st, Person A and Person B move into an apartment with a rent of $800 that they decide to split 50/50. They both go on one-year lease.

    In March, Person B suddenly moves out without Person A’s permission. Person A is now stuck with an $800 rent he can’t afford. He freaks out! He decides to move out to a cheaper place he can afford. But wait! He can’t! He signed a year lease. So now he’s in the impossible situation of either moving out and breaking the lease, ruining his credit and having bill collectors go after him, or getting evicted because he can’t pay the rent (also ruining his credit and dealing with bill collectors) or rushing as fast as he can to find a new roommate so he can pay his rent. If he rushes, he’ll likely get a shitty roommate and have a whole new set of problems all over again down the road.

    If Person A breaks the lease or gets evicted, Person B also gets his credit record ruined. It’s a complete lose/lose situation. All because both those idiots put both their names on the lease.

    Again, I’ve seen the above scenario a million billion times, not just with boy/girl couples, but with cohabitating friends, roommates, and even adult siblings.

    New example. Let’s say Person C reads this blog post and heeds its warnings. He moves in with his girlfriend or buddy but keeps himself off the lease, or at least off the lease where he’s liable for rent. Now he can move out literally whenever the hell he likes, and he suffers no financial damage whatsoever when he does so. The lease is someone else’s problem, not his.

    Or perhaps he does the reverse. He signs a year lease but just in his name. He pays the entire rent. Because he’s the only one on the lease, the lease is 100% his responsibly no matter what happens, and he knows it, and his actions will reflect this (unless he’s a complete moron, but no advice I can give can help someone like that).

    Later, his girlfriend moves in, and he makes her pay a few hundred dollars towards the monthly rent, but she’s not on the lease (or is on the lease but not as someone responsible for rent).

    If she suddenly moves out later without his permission, that sucks, but since his rent payment pre-existed her moving in, he’s not freaking out about increased rent like Person A in the above example. It’s his lease, has always been his lease, and he’s always been aware of it.

    If she becomes a bitch and he kicks her out, he can do so, within whatever local legal constraints exist, much more easily because she’s not on the lease. If she was on the lease he can’t kick her out. If the lease was signed in January and it’s now March, she has every right to stay there for nine more months just like he does. If he doesn’t like it, that’s his tough shit. He’s fucked. But if she’s not on the lease, there’s no screwing around with trying to get her off the lease, which is a massive, massive hassle, if not impossible.

    Dennis’ point is that the law may stipulate that he has to wait 30 days before he kicks her out. That might be true, but there are two responses to that:

    1. Person C followed Step One in my steps above, and has already accounted for this possibility, either by planning on it in advance, or not letting her move in in the first place, or moving to some other city without such stupid co-habitation laws.

    2. Even if he really is stuck with 30 days, that sucks, but that’s WAY better than nine months!

    Another way of saying this:

    A. If she is NOT on the lease as a rent-responsible tenant = You are subject to local tenant laws.

    B. If she IS on the lease as a rent-responsible tenant = You are subject to local tenant laws AND THE LEASE.

    Both are bad, but which is worse? B. Often by far.

    Hope that clears things up. Nothing I can recommend will prevent every possible problem in the universe, but everything becomes much easier and safer for you if A) you study your local co-habitation laws before moving in with someone and B) you NEVER put BOTH your names on the lease as rent-responsible tenants.

  15. Or perhaps he does the reverse. He signs a year lease but just in his name. He pays the entire rent. Because he’s the only one on the lease, the lease is 100% his responsibly no matter what happens, and he knows it, and his actions will reflect this (unless he’s a complete moron, but no advice I can give can help someone like that).

    Right, but I can approach any lease with that same attitude …. that I will be 100 percent responsible for rent payments. If I’ve already accepted this as a fact, it can’t hurt me if the landlord also requires her to sign as theoretically rent responsible. So long as I was never counting on her to actually pay rent.

    So, assuming that she is required to be named on the lease if she lives there, which seems the norm in my experience, your point (I think) is that she’d be easier to kick out if not “rent responsible”. That’s a strictly legal question, and I’m wondering if it’s really true (and of course the truth value might vary with jurisdiction).

    Of course, you could try to walk the line and just claim that she’s just a frequent guest, and doesn’t really live there, and thus no need to have her on the lease at all. Which may or may not fly depending on the landlord and how attentive they are to your doings.

  16. If I’ve already accepted this as a fact, it can’t hurt me if the landlord also requires her to sign as theoretically rent responsible.

    Yes it can, if you want to kick her out and can’t because she signed the lease and the lease isn’t up for another nine months.

    Remember we’re discussing the prevention of two different problems here (she leaves sooner than you want, or you need to kick her out sooner than you planned). You keep focusing on the first one, and I’m talking about both.

    So, assuming that she is required to be named on the lease if she lives there, which seems the norm in my experience, your point (I think) is that she’d be easier to kick out if not “rent responsible”. That’s a strictly legal question, and I’m wondering if it’s really true (and of course the truth value might vary with jurisdiction).

    To repeat, YES. If she signs the lease as a rent-responsible tenant, she’s legally entitled to stay as long as the lease specifies, which may be many months. If she doesn’t sign the lease, she’s only entitled to stay as long as local laws enforce, which might only be 30 days.

  17. @BD: Yes you are right, I did not first check with an attorney about what my legal rights in Chicago were if I chose to kick her out. Nevertheless in Chicago, no judge will issue an eviction notice from late December to mid March and will postpone the eviction court until mid March or later. After you tell a woman to “get out” the relationship dynamics change. Most women are extremely emotional and vengeful. During the period between “Get Out” and her moving out the drama can increase substantially. My point being, be very careful, do not do anything during this time to cause her to call the police. I just moved her stuff, I didn’t touch her, yell at her or anything else. I’m pounding home this point because this is something we don’t usually think will happen.

  18. @Dennis, in my state women can call the cops and accuse you of hitting them or threatening to hit them whether you did it or not. There is no burden of proof necessary; you get taken to jail regardless.

  19. in Chicago, no judge will issue an eviction notice from late December to mid March and will postpone the eviction court until mid March or later.

    Horrible, but I’m not surprised.

    I hope readers are taking close notes here!

    fter you tell a woman to “get out” the relationship dynamics change. Most women are extremely emotional and vengeful. During the period between “Get Out” and her moving out the drama can increase substantially. My point being, be very careful, do not do anything during this time to cause her to call the police. I just moved her stuff, I didn’t touch her, yell at her or anything else. I’m pounding home this point because this is something we don’t usually think will happen.

    Agreed.

    Any time you move in with a woman, you assume some level of risk no matter how careful you are. That’s why men need to take this very seriously and do it in a very slow, careful, methodical manner, instead of just “moving in” because “we’re in love!” or because “it’s cheaper!”.

    in my state women can call the cops and accuse you of hitting them or threatening to hit them whether you did it or not. There is no burden of proof necessary; you get taken to jail regardless.

    Yep. Sadly, most states are like this.

  20. After reading these,I’m wondering why if you guys feels its so difficult, why move in with someone then?

  21. @cheryl Exactly!

    My point awhile back was that its getting harder and harder to find places that will let someone live in a place with out financial responsibility. I get that one can look harder for a better landlord but its getting hard to find the old school guys that just want a check on time. I solved this by buying a mobile home. I own it. We both pay the lot rent… if shit goes down Its my place and she moves.

    I think the largest point made here was largely missed. BE CAREFUL WHO YOU CHOOSE. In my experience never move in with anyone you havent known for a really long time. Someone with impeccable character. This one choice will solve almost all your issues. Most of this people will be sable in the mind and not want to stay in a a bad situation.

  22. @BD,

    I guess there’s drama that involves arguing by girl rules, and there’s “drama” that doesn’t. There’s drama she enjoys, and there’s “drama” she hates so much, she’ll resort to communicating her needs like a calm reasonable adult just to avoid it. Case A, she’s in control. Case B, she’s not. Case A, every few weeks. Case B, once a year. Show me a breathing human being who doesn’t act like an asshole once a year; I’m no exception myself.

    Yeah, sure, not ideal. But “that’s drama” is reductive.

  23. I guess there’s drama that involves arguing by girl rules, and there’s “drama” that doesn’t.

    No. Read this. Drama is negativity directed at a specific person. If it’s not negative, then it’s not drama. The silent treatment follows that definition exactly. What would be okay if a woman came to me in a perfectly normal and quiet tone of voice and said “Hey, can we walk about something? Yesterday you said something mean about my sister and it made me feel bad. Could you not say things like that?” That would be perfectly fine.

    I agree that one can define drama any way they choose. And there are also different levels of drama tolerance. Regardless, silent treatment is still drama in my view because it’s the same exact negativity as if you’re bitching at someone.

    There’s drama she enjoys, and there’s “drama” she hates so much, she’ll resort to communicating her needs like a calm reasonable adult just to avoid it. Case A, she’s in control. Case B, she’s not.

    Putting up with drama in your life is not about control. It’s about negativity and unhappiess. If I have to punish / correct a woman about something she’s doing I don’t like, it’s negative and make me at least a little unhappy while I’m doing it, regardless of how I’m doing it. This is because one cannot feel happiness and drama a the same time.

    Case A, every few weeks. Case B, once a year. Show me a breathing human being who doesn’t act like an asshole once a year; I’m no exception myself.

    Correct. That’s why when in a serious relationship with someone you need to look at a pattern of behavior rather than one-time events. Everyone can have a bad day. I’m not going to instantly dump a serious MLTR or OLTR who’s been perfect for six months because she has one outburst. But if she keeps repeating these kinds of outbursts, she’s GONE.

    But I would never give her the silent treatment. That’s drama.

  24. This probably has to do with marriage more than your other relationship structures, but what about nagging? How should one handle this?

  25. Why the heck are you on the lease? If there is a good possibility of the relationship going south then just have her name on the lease. If you even have a hint that the relationship may go south, for god’s sake, don’t put your name on the lease.

    If she gives you drama, move out. Do everything else that BD says but structure it so that you can walk away any time you want. I have not seen anywhere where the laws force you to stay. you can’t kick them out in winter but you sure as heck can leave.

    If your finances are that precarious, what the heck are you doing moving in with her and sharing rent?!? Make sure you’re not on the lease and you have enough money to move out. If not, DON’T move in with a girl!

  26. This is a priceless guide, and, with some superficial and formal mildening, it should be a mandatory subject for high-school students.

Leave a Reply

To leave a comment, enter your comment below. PLEASE make sure to read the commenting rules before commenting, since failure to follow these rules means your comment may be deleted. Also please do not use the username “Anonymous” or “Anon” or any variation thereof (makes things too confusing).

Off-topic comments are allowed, but Caleb will ignore those.

Caleb responds to comments in person, but he only does so on the two most current blog articles.

Related Posts

Begin typing your search term above and press enter to search.