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Let’s talk about online dating, specifically how you can become (and remain) successful with online dating for the rest of your life.
-By Caleb Jones
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Every online dating technology, whether it’s a website, an app, or a service, goes through five phases of effectiveness. This is normal and natural. When you understand these phases and you use them to your advantage, you will no longer be worried when a certain dating site, service, or app stops working or doesn’t work as well as it used to.
There’s been a lot of angst about online dating. A lot of guys are complaining that it “doesn’t work” anymore. When you understand these five phases, you’ll never have that problem again. As an Alpha Male 2.0, you can’t be monogamous for the rest of your life. That means you need to have a mechanism to bring new women into your life, at least sporadically, for the rest of your life.
You probably don’t want to do night game / daygame for the rest of your life. If you’re well over the age of thirty-five—your only other options are social circle game (which is still viable) or online dating.
It’s very important to understand these five phases and how to leverage each one when the time comes.
Phase One: Early Adopters
This is when the service is first created, and it’s kind of an oddity—it’s “cute” or “funny.” No one actually uses it, a lot of people think it’s weird, and most don’t know it even exists. There are people on there in this early stage, but not enough to provide enough scale for the model to actually work. It really doesn’t work very well during the early adoption phase because there aren’t enough women on there.
Phase Two: Hyper-effectiveness
This is the fun phase. This is when normal, everyday beta male guys can get on here and rack up dates and sex like it’s nothing. I’m not talking about seasoned pick-up artists or ripped six-pack guys; I’m talking about normal dudes who are using this new thing to get laid left and right. It’s kind of the “golden age” of this new service, and it’s fucking great. It’s what we all miss when we fall in love with a particular dating app.
Unfortunately, because all good things must come to an end, it doesn't last forever. More people join the app or service, it gets more saturated, and it enters Phase Three.
Phase Three: Normal
And at this point, it becomes mainstream. Millions of people pile onto the app—tons of women, dudes, beta males, and even women who aren’t very serious about meeting up with a guy in real life. This means it’s no longer hyper-effective. It still works fine, it just doesn’t work as easily as it once did.
Phase Four: Difficult
This is where several things occur. First, it becomes overly saturated. Tons of dudes are on there now, saturating the hell out of it and pissing off the women.
Second, tons of women are on there who aren’t really there to date; many of them fake profiles, attention whores, or women advertising their Instagram, OnlyFans, webcam shit, etc.
Third, the dating site itself starts imposing all sorts of stupid rules, they change their algorithms to make things more difficult, they limit your ability to message women, they put all kinds of searching and swiping restrictions on you, and it becomes a clusterfuck.
At that point, the dating service still works, it’s just difficult. You can still use the Blackdragon system to get laid or get dates—the difference is, you have to put in a lot of time, be patient, and come up with a bunch of creative ways to make it work for you.
A bunch of the guys who helped me write the Ultimate Online Dating Manual, updated for the 2020s, are still killing it on apps that are still in the difficult phase (like Tinder) because they’ve discovered and implemented all these workarounds.
Phase Five: Niched
Over time, the site or app enters its final phase, “niched.” Now, “niched” is a good word in terms of Alpha 2.0 business structures, but in terms of dating services, it’s a bad thing.
“Niched” means it’s beyond difficult. It means that dating service is only valid and usable for a tiny, narrow segment of the male population. For everyone else, it’s pretty much useless. That’s the point at which you need to either bail on that service or take advantage of that niche, if you’re able.
These are the five phases every dating platform goes through. Let’s look at a few examples.
Match.com
This was really the first mainstream dating site. It went through all five phases. It entered its early adopter phase back in the mid-to-late-90s. No one really used it, and everyone thought it was cute that you could meet someone on this internet site, but they never thought anyone would seriously use it.
Then, in the early 2000s, Match.com entered hyper-effectiveness. A bunch of guys and women came in, but not too many, and normal, everyday beta male dudes were getting laid with ease. It was amazing.
Unfortunately, I missed this window; I was in my traditional monogamous first marriage, so I wasn’t able to take advantage of this. But I know a lot of normal, everyday guys who were killing it on there. It was awesome for the guys who were able to take advantage of Match.com’s Phase Two.
Then, around 2006, it moved into the normal phase. I entered the online dating game in 2007, so it had reached its normal phase by then. It worked well, but it didn’t work as well as it did for the guys before me.
After a few years, it moved into its “difficult” phase. A whole slew of fake profiles appeared. The site started limiting your ability to message women and cracking down on all kinds of things. A lot of the more relaxed, happy women exited the site and left behind all the angry, unhappy women, so it became harder to date. And it stayed in this phase for a long time, although it still worked. You could still find dates, sex, and relationships on Match.com during Phase Four, you just had to work it very hard.
Today, unfortunately, Match.com is niched. The best way I can think to describe it is “the place where divorced people over the age of thirty go to find their second spouse.” If you’re a divorced guy who’s 42 and your only goal is to find another wife, you’d go to Match.com. If you’re not in that category, it’s pretty much useless. I don’t even recommend it anymore.
But that wasn’t always the case; it went through all five phases.
Tinder
Tinder is a really interesting example because it went through all five phases, but much more quickly than Match.com. Match took fifteen years to get through all five; Tinder took just a few years.
It was only in its early adopter phase for a brief time. People thought it was so funny that you could swipe through all these pictures and that’s how you matched with people. It was an oddity.
Then around 2011, it achieved hyper-effectiveness. It was awesome for about a year and a half, maybe two years at the outside. During that time, oh yeah—I was able to hit this wave. I was Blackdragon at the time, so I benefited from this for a year and a half. It was the shit! Then, of course, everyone heard about it, it became this fun fad, everyone piled on, and it became mainstream and normal.
A bunch of women joined who were mostly attention whores looking from attention from men but not dates. A lot of women learned they could link their social media profiles to Tinder and use it as a de facto social media site, and it became more difficult. It was normal for quite a while, so it still worked, just not nearly as well as it did during the eighteen months it was hyper-effective.
Then, over time, it became difficult, and that’s where we are today. It is difficult. But I’m going to keep repeating this: It still works. Just because an app or site is in Phase Four doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. You just have to use all kinds of creative techniques to make it work for you.
In a few years (or less), it’ll move into Phase Five and it’ll become niched. It’ll be viable only for a certain narrow segment of the male population, and if you fall outside that, you shouldn’t even use it at that point. It’s not there yet, but we will get there soon. It’s normal and natural.
Sugar Daddy dating sites
Like everything else, these went through the same five phases. They got started around 2013 when sites like Seeking Arrangement came online, and no one really used them. Some people even thought it should be illegal, like prostitution. People were kind of intimidated; men, especially.
Then, around 2015, it achieved hyper-effectiveness. I started researching this, and I was shocked. It was pages and pages of super-hot younger women. And you often didn’t have to pay them as long as you were an older guy. This went on for about two-and-a-half years, and during that time I slowly started exploring that world. I have philosophical beliefs about paying for dates and sex, so I didn’t just jump into it. But there were times during this hyper-effectiveness phase when I didn’t have to pay the women at all because it was so effective.
Then, it started getting mainstream attention. A whole bunch of guys and women piled in there, all the girls told their friends, and so today, it’s normal. It looks a lot more like a normal dating site in that you’ll find a lot of women who are attractive and some who are not-so-attractive. There are also a lot of high-income, no-game beta males on there offering $1,000 dollars just to have dinner with them, and that really fucks up the market, so now, it’s no longer hyper-effective. It’s just kind of normal.
As of right now, the sugar daddy sites are moving from Phase Three into Phase Four. They’re not at Phase Four yet, but I’d say they’ll be getting there in the next six to twelve months. They’re in that transition period, and at some point down the road, they’ll pass into the niched phase and only be effective for a really narrow segment of guys.
How to Stay Hyper-Effective
So how do you remain hyper-effective at online dating for the rest of your life with all this going on? As an Alpha Male 2.0, you’ll need to be. We don’t have the option of settling down with one woman and never having sex with anyone else for the rest of your life. We don’t do monogamy; occasionally, you’ll need to bring new women in.
It’s important to know this because you’re not going to want to do daygame or night game when you’re older, and you can do social circle game if you’re a hard-core extrovert, but other than that, online dating is going to be a pretty important part of the equation for you going forward.
So here’s how you do this: You use the apps to the best of your ability when they’re hyper-effective, normal, and difficult. Once an app gets too difficult and starts moving into Phase Five, you draw the line there and stop using the app. Stop bitching that online dating doesn’t work, take a look around the internet, see what else is coming online that’s entering its hyper-effective phase, and pivot to that app.
Once you find it, you ride it through its hyper-effective, normal, and difficult phases, and then you do it all again once it becomes too difficult or niched. Very simple.
What’s hyper-effective right now? First, Instagram game. I know guys who helped write the updated book who are doing nothing but Instagram and they are killing it—the last two years in particular. I’m also running into more and more women who hooked up with guys who hit them up on Instagram.
So if you hate OkCupid, for instance, great! Stop using that and pivot over to Instagram. Get the Ultimate Online Dating Manual that comes out on December 3. If you don’t like my content, fine, find someone else’s content, but start going in that direction.
If I’m right and Instagram game is the new hyper-effective thing, soon it will be normal, then it will be difficult, and then it’ll suck and you’ll find something new. There will always be online dating; there will never be a time when there’s no way to date women online. It’ll just be different. Fifteen years from now, the online dating apps will be different, but they’ll be there, and they’ll go through these five phases. It’ll be up to you to always keep your antenna up so you can always be moving through that same cycle alongside the apps.
Yes, that means you have to learn a new app or system every few years. Boo-fucking-hoo. You can do it. It’s better than complaining, which is what most guys do. They have a specific app they fall in love with, and when it gets into Phase Four they spend all their time bitching about how online dating doesn’t work anymore.
Stupid. Follow the apps through their phases. I’ve been doing online dating for thirteen years. Do you think I’m still using Yahoo Personals or MySpace? MySpace was the shit from about 2007 to 2009, but am I still using it? When it went to Phase Four and Phase Five, did you hear me complain? No, I looked for the next new thing, which was Tinder. That’s all you need to do. It’s not that difficult.
There’s been a lot of angst about online dating. A lot of guys are complaining that it “doesn’t work” anymore. When you understand these five phases, you’ll never have that problem again. As an Alpha Male 2.0, you can’t be monogamous for the rest of your life. That means you need to have a mechanism to bring new women into your life, at least sporadically, for the rest of your life.
You probably don’t want to do night game / daygame for the rest of your life. If you’re well over the age of thirty-five—your only other options are social circle game (which is still viable) or online dating.
It’s very important to understand these five phases and how to leverage each one when the time comes.
Phase One: Early Adopters
This is when the service is first created, and it’s kind of an oddity—it’s “cute” or “funny.” No one actually uses it, a lot of people think it’s weird, and most don’t know it even exists. There are people on there in this early stage, but not enough to provide enough scale for the model to actually work. It really doesn’t work very well during the early adoption phase because there aren’t enough women on there.
Phase Two: Hyper-effectiveness
This is the fun phase. This is when normal, everyday beta male guys can get on here and rack up dates and sex like it’s nothing. I’m not talking about seasoned pick-up artists or ripped six-pack guys; I’m talking about normal dudes who are using this new thing to get laid left and right. It’s kind of the “golden age” of this new service, and it’s fucking great. It’s what we all miss when we fall in love with a particular dating app.
Unfortunately, because all good things must come to an end, it doesn't last forever. More people join the app or service, it gets more saturated, and it enters Phase Three.
Phase Three: Normal
And at this point, it becomes mainstream. Millions of people pile onto the app—tons of women, dudes, beta males, and even women who aren’t very serious about meeting up with a guy in real life. This means it’s no longer hyper-effective. It still works fine, it just doesn’t work as easily as it once did.
Phase Four: Difficult
This is where several things occur. First, it becomes overly saturated. Tons of dudes are on there now, saturating the hell out of it and pissing off the women.
Second, tons of women are on there who aren’t really there to date; many of them fake profiles, attention whores, or women advertising their Instagram, OnlyFans, webcam shit, etc.
Third, the dating site itself starts imposing all sorts of stupid rules, they change their algorithms to make things more difficult, they limit your ability to message women, they put all kinds of searching and swiping restrictions on you, and it becomes a clusterfuck.
At that point, the dating service still works, it’s just difficult. You can still use the Blackdragon system to get laid or get dates—the difference is, you have to put in a lot of time, be patient, and come up with a bunch of creative ways to make it work for you.
A bunch of the guys who helped me write the Ultimate Online Dating Manual, updated for the 2020s, are still killing it on apps that are still in the difficult phase (like Tinder) because they’ve discovered and implemented all these workarounds.
Phase Five: Niched
Over time, the site or app enters its final phase, “niched.” Now, “niched” is a good word in terms of Alpha 2.0 business structures, but in terms of dating services, it’s a bad thing.
“Niched” means it’s beyond difficult. It means that dating service is only valid and usable for a tiny, narrow segment of the male population. For everyone else, it’s pretty much useless. That’s the point at which you need to either bail on that service or take advantage of that niche, if you’re able.
These are the five phases every dating platform goes through. Let’s look at a few examples.
Match.com
This was really the first mainstream dating site. It went through all five phases. It entered its early adopter phase back in the mid-to-late-90s. No one really used it, and everyone thought it was cute that you could meet someone on this internet site, but they never thought anyone would seriously use it.
Then, in the early 2000s, Match.com entered hyper-effectiveness. A bunch of guys and women came in, but not too many, and normal, everyday beta male dudes were getting laid with ease. It was amazing.
Unfortunately, I missed this window; I was in my traditional monogamous first marriage, so I wasn’t able to take advantage of this. But I know a lot of normal, everyday guys who were killing it on there. It was awesome for the guys who were able to take advantage of Match.com’s Phase Two.
Then, around 2006, it moved into the normal phase. I entered the online dating game in 2007, so it had reached its normal phase by then. It worked well, but it didn’t work as well as it did for the guys before me.
After a few years, it moved into its “difficult” phase. A whole slew of fake profiles appeared. The site started limiting your ability to message women and cracking down on all kinds of things. A lot of the more relaxed, happy women exited the site and left behind all the angry, unhappy women, so it became harder to date. And it stayed in this phase for a long time, although it still worked. You could still find dates, sex, and relationships on Match.com during Phase Four, you just had to work it very hard.
Today, unfortunately, Match.com is niched. The best way I can think to describe it is “the place where divorced people over the age of thirty go to find their second spouse.” If you’re a divorced guy who’s 42 and your only goal is to find another wife, you’d go to Match.com. If you’re not in that category, it’s pretty much useless. I don’t even recommend it anymore.
But that wasn’t always the case; it went through all five phases.
Tinder
Tinder is a really interesting example because it went through all five phases, but much more quickly than Match.com. Match took fifteen years to get through all five; Tinder took just a few years.
It was only in its early adopter phase for a brief time. People thought it was so funny that you could swipe through all these pictures and that’s how you matched with people. It was an oddity.
Then around 2011, it achieved hyper-effectiveness. It was awesome for about a year and a half, maybe two years at the outside. During that time, oh yeah—I was able to hit this wave. I was Blackdragon at the time, so I benefited from this for a year and a half. It was the shit! Then, of course, everyone heard about it, it became this fun fad, everyone piled on, and it became mainstream and normal.
A bunch of women joined who were mostly attention whores looking from attention from men but not dates. A lot of women learned they could link their social media profiles to Tinder and use it as a de facto social media site, and it became more difficult. It was normal for quite a while, so it still worked, just not nearly as well as it did during the eighteen months it was hyper-effective.
Then, over time, it became difficult, and that’s where we are today. It is difficult. But I’m going to keep repeating this: It still works. Just because an app or site is in Phase Four doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. You just have to use all kinds of creative techniques to make it work for you.
In a few years (or less), it’ll move into Phase Five and it’ll become niched. It’ll be viable only for a certain narrow segment of the male population, and if you fall outside that, you shouldn’t even use it at that point. It’s not there yet, but we will get there soon. It’s normal and natural.
Sugar Daddy dating sites
Like everything else, these went through the same five phases. They got started around 2013 when sites like Seeking Arrangement came online, and no one really used them. Some people even thought it should be illegal, like prostitution. People were kind of intimidated; men, especially.
Then, around 2015, it achieved hyper-effectiveness. I started researching this, and I was shocked. It was pages and pages of super-hot younger women. And you often didn’t have to pay them as long as you were an older guy. This went on for about two-and-a-half years, and during that time I slowly started exploring that world. I have philosophical beliefs about paying for dates and sex, so I didn’t just jump into it. But there were times during this hyper-effectiveness phase when I didn’t have to pay the women at all because it was so effective.
Then, it started getting mainstream attention. A whole bunch of guys and women piled in there, all the girls told their friends, and so today, it’s normal. It looks a lot more like a normal dating site in that you’ll find a lot of women who are attractive and some who are not-so-attractive. There are also a lot of high-income, no-game beta males on there offering $1,000 dollars just to have dinner with them, and that really fucks up the market, so now, it’s no longer hyper-effective. It’s just kind of normal.
As of right now, the sugar daddy sites are moving from Phase Three into Phase Four. They’re not at Phase Four yet, but I’d say they’ll be getting there in the next six to twelve months. They’re in that transition period, and at some point down the road, they’ll pass into the niched phase and only be effective for a really narrow segment of guys.
How to Stay Hyper-Effective
So how do you remain hyper-effective at online dating for the rest of your life with all this going on? As an Alpha Male 2.0, you’ll need to be. We don’t have the option of settling down with one woman and never having sex with anyone else for the rest of your life. We don’t do monogamy; occasionally, you’ll need to bring new women in.
It’s important to know this because you’re not going to want to do daygame or night game when you’re older, and you can do social circle game if you’re a hard-core extrovert, but other than that, online dating is going to be a pretty important part of the equation for you going forward.
So here’s how you do this: You use the apps to the best of your ability when they’re hyper-effective, normal, and difficult. Once an app gets too difficult and starts moving into Phase Five, you draw the line there and stop using the app. Stop bitching that online dating doesn’t work, take a look around the internet, see what else is coming online that’s entering its hyper-effective phase, and pivot to that app.
Once you find it, you ride it through its hyper-effective, normal, and difficult phases, and then you do it all again once it becomes too difficult or niched. Very simple.
What’s hyper-effective right now? First, Instagram game. I know guys who helped write the updated book who are doing nothing but Instagram and they are killing it—the last two years in particular. I’m also running into more and more women who hooked up with guys who hit them up on Instagram.
So if you hate OkCupid, for instance, great! Stop using that and pivot over to Instagram. Get the Ultimate Online Dating Manual that comes out on December 3. If you don’t like my content, fine, find someone else’s content, but start going in that direction.
If I’m right and Instagram game is the new hyper-effective thing, soon it will be normal, then it will be difficult, and then it’ll suck and you’ll find something new. There will always be online dating; there will never be a time when there’s no way to date women online. It’ll just be different. Fifteen years from now, the online dating apps will be different, but they’ll be there, and they’ll go through these five phases. It’ll be up to you to always keep your antenna up so you can always be moving through that same cycle alongside the apps.
Yes, that means you have to learn a new app or system every few years. Boo-fucking-hoo. You can do it. It’s better than complaining, which is what most guys do. They have a specific app they fall in love with, and when it gets into Phase Four they spend all their time bitching about how online dating doesn’t work anymore.
Stupid. Follow the apps through their phases. I’ve been doing online dating for thirteen years. Do you think I’m still using Yahoo Personals or MySpace? MySpace was the shit from about 2007 to 2009, but am I still using it? When it went to Phase Four and Phase Five, did you hear me complain? No, I looked for the next new thing, which was Tinder. That’s all you need to do. It’s not that difficult.
Click here to register for the FREE webinar I'll be doing on December 3rd on how to be successful with online dating in the 2020s, with a full Q&A at the end.