Today we’re going to talk about your women, the different types of relationships (which most of you already understand), and also the qualifications for those women to be in certain types of relationships. I get a lot of questions about this.
These are topics I’ve touched on in my main relationships book, The Ultimate Open Relationships Manual. There are three types of relationships in Alpha Male 2.0, one of which has two categories, and we’ll quickly review them here.
FB — Friend with Benefits
This is a woman you’re having sex with but aren’t dating. She’s your friend. You’re not going on dates or spending the night; you’re just hooking up. Every Alpha Male 2.0 should have at least one FB, preferably more. The other relationship types that follow are optional, but an Alpha Male should always have FBs.
MLTR — Multiple Long-Term Relationships
This is a woman you’re dating and having sex with. You like her romantically and have romantic intentions. You go on dates, spend the night, and spend extra time with her. At the same time, it’s non-monogamous and non-exclusive. There have been times in the past when I had two, three, or even four MLTRs. More than two MLTRs is a lot of work though. You can have any combination of FBs and MLTRs in any numbers you can handle.
OLTR — Open Long-Term Relationship
This is the Alpha Male 2.0 equivalent of your girlfriend. It’s just like an MLTR, except it’s exclusive. You’re not allowed to date other women if you have an OLTR, and she’s not allowed to date other men — but you can hook up with other women as long as they’re just FBs or one night stands. It’s a much more serious, committed type of relationship.
This is an OLTR you live with full time. This is regardless of whether you’re legally married; the legalities of the situation aren’t relevant because if you’re living with a woman full time, you’re living the lifestyle of a married man.
For my part, I have an OLTR Wife, Pink Firefly, and I have several FBs. But you can choose any configuration of these that you want.
Now let’s talk about the requirements for these relationships.
Requirements for FBs
What are the requirements for an FB?
That’s a trick question — there are none.
You can have any woman you want as an FB. There are no real requirements outside of the requirements of someone you’d have sex with.
Personally, I only have two requirements for FBs, and they’re very open-ended. A woman can be an FB for me provided:
- She is physically attractive. On the scale of ugly, average, cute, and hot, she must be at least cute, but preferably hot.
- She can’t be a bitch to me. I’ve had FBs and MLTRs who were total bitches to other people in their lives, but they weren’t to me.
I don’t do drama, so if she’s nice (or at least neutral) to me and physically attractive, she’s in as a FB for me. There are no other requirements.
Also, she can have boyfriends. I didn’t say she had to be single.
You could choose to add more requirements to FBs if you wanted to, but that would limit your options, and I don’t know why you would. You can get pickier as you get further down into the model — you should definitely be pickier with OLTRs, for instance.
Requirements for MLTRs
A lot of guys misunderstand this and think the requirements for MLTRs are almost like an OLTR, like those of an actual girlfriend — and that’s not the case. MLTRs are not your girlfriends. They’re just women you’re dating.
My only extra requirement for an MLTR on top of an FB is that she can’t live a completely reckless life. For example, let’s say she does hard drugs, like a hard-core heroin addict. In that case, I would probably pass.
To be clear, I’ve had lower-end MLTRs in the past who were reasonable drug users. I’m not talking about smoking weed; I’m talking about hard drugs. As I got older, I raised the bar a little bit on that front.
So the requirements for MLTRs are the same as for FBs: She has to be physically attractive and can’t be a bitch to me, but on top of that, she can’t live a completely chaotic life. That’s really the only requirement that goes beyond that of an FB. As always, keep the requirements low. (Some guys choose to put an age requirement on MLTRs, and that makes sense for some men.)
Requirements for OLTRs
Now we’re getting picky. An OLTR is your girlfriend. She’s a big deal, because when you commit to an OLTR, you are no longer allowed to have MLTRs again unless you break up with your OLTR. (You can have FBs, just not MLTRs.)
A woman who wants to be your OLTR needs to earn it. You don’t just give it to her because she demands it. Here’s how this works:
An OLTR must get her start as an MLTR, and she must be an MLTR for at least six months — 12 months is better — with almost zero problems. That means almost zero drama and almost zero jealousy. You’ve finally had The Talk letting her know you’ll never be monogamous, she survived it, you’re continuing to see her, and she’s more or less OK.
Here’s my example. I dated Pink Firefly for a year and a half before she became my OLTR. She started as an FB and became an MLTR. The woman before her, H.B.M., was in my life as an FB and MLTR for three years before she became an OLTR. So the longer a woman sits at MLTR, the better, because you don’t know what you’re dealing with when you first start dating someone.
The dumbest thing men do is start having sex with a woman and then turn her into a girlfriend. That’s fucking stupid. No wonder guys have drama, problems, and chaos in their dating lives. Again, at least six months as a well-behaved MLTR is a requirement for OLTR; a year is better. Beyond a year is even better.
Once you make the decision to upgrade the relationship to OLTR, you then have the OLTR Talk, which is different from The Talk. This is where you essentially go through all the negatives about yourself and list all the things she’s going to hate. Lay it all out from the beginning so there are no surprises. (I cover the exact steps involved in doing The Talk and The OLTR Talk in The Ultimate Open Relationships Manual.)
Most people do this in the opposite order. They get serious with someone without talking about any of the negatives, they move in together, God forbid they may even have kids together, and then all the negative shit comes out and it’s way too late. You don’t want to do that.
You can add other requirements to your OLTR. This is where you’re allowed to get picky; you can add requirements for her physical appearance, intelligence, and so on. Just don’t go crazy with it. Don’t be one of these traditional right-wing guys who has a list of 37 things they need to find in a perfect wife who doesn’t exist. But you are welcome to add extra requirements for an OLTR.
Requirements for OLTR Wife
The core requirement for an OLTR Wife is a woman who gets to the OLTR level and is able to maintain that level for a long period of time with few or no problems without living with you.
It took Pink Firefly two years to go from OLTR to OLTR Wife. I wanted to make sure before we moved in together that we had a nice long track record of being emotionally exclusive and serious without a lot of problems, jealousy, or drama; all the things most people encounter in their serious relationships eventually. I wanted to watch things very carefully and see how they went when we had disagreements, and only after about two years did things get comfortable enough for me to move in. As soon as she moves in, she becomes your OLTR Wife.
So what’s the theme with this serious stuff? WAIT A LONG TIME — as long as you can possibly wait. As I’ve said many times on my blogs, to you guys who are desperate for girlfriends or wives, there is no rush. You have plenty of time. Men do not have a biological clock like women do. We can have babies whenever the fuck we want. We also age much better than women (generally speaking). So there’s no need to rush into a serious girlfriend or live-in relationship.
TAKE YOUR TIME. The longer you wait to get serious with a woman, the better the odds are that the relationship will last in this modern era. You have to be very careful and take this slowly, step by step. NO RUSHING.
Again, most of you guys reading today shouldn’t even have an OLTR. I’ve said this many times: You should not have a girlfriend until you’re at least 30. You should not move in with a woman in a romantic context until you’re at least 35.
So if you’re under the age of 30, go crazy with FBs and MLTRs. You can even have a high-end MLTR, which means she’s your favorite. She’s still not your girlfriend though, and you’re still wide open and available to date whomever you want.