I get a lot of questions about how I handled things with my friends, family, co-workers, and loved ones when I started making my Alpha Male 2.0 lifestyle public. I know that this is a concern with many of you and it’s an important topic.
Before I get into specifics, I need to reiterate something that should be obvious by now. One of the hallmarks of the Alpha Male 2.0 lifestyle is outcome independence. Part of OI means that you don’t give a shit about what people think about you. It also means you consider your own personal happiness as more important than what less happy, societally brainwashed people think about your life. That’s even if they’re blood related.
This means that if you are really concerned about what your mom or best friend might think if you tell these people that you’re nonmonogamous or never want to hire any employees in your business or whatever, then you have more growth to go through. You shouldn’t care, or at least you shouldn’t care to the point where you are paralyzed in terms of life action.
As always, I need to qualify what “you shouldn’t care” means. As I describe in detail here, not giving a shit about what other people think doesn’t mean you don’t want results. Yes, you want to have sex with women. Yes, you want customers for your business. Of course. But that doesn’t mean you give a shit about what your loved ones think or what the masses in society think. These people can think you’re utterly insane while you’re getting laid with hot babes left and right and making tons of location independent cash. One has nothing to do with the other. (Most normal people who stumble across this blog probably think I’m insane. Do you think I care?)
Just keep that in mind. Step one in dealing with any negative you get in your life about your Alpha 2.0 status is to not give a shit about it in the first place. I don’t, and never really did.
I’ll describe my experiences when I “came out” to various people in my life regarding my Alpha 2.0 lifestyle. Your experiences may be very different or quite similar. The point is to emulate my mindset and frame during these experiences.
My dad’s reaction was one of confusion, but only for a very brief period of time. We occasionally have lunch together, and over some of these lunches I would briefly describe how I lived my life in various Alpha 2.0 aspects. I rarely, if ever, got into great detail with him, but I overviewed a lot, particularly when I was writing The Unchained Man.
Initially, his attitude was “Oh, that’s Caleb being Caleb I guess.” Once everything was explained, his attitude shifted to “I would never do this, and I don’t have the needs and personality you do, but you seem very happy, so fine with me.”
He has also told me on several occasions that I am the happiest of his six adult children. And he’s right. “Caleb must be doing something right,” seems to be the attitude he takes these days. He even helped give me ideas for the first chapter of The Unchained Man.
All in all, my dad’s reaction was never a big deal. He is a traditional guy but not an extreme one.
Unsurprisingly, my mom was a little different. Moms are much touchier about this kind of thing than dads. Of all the people in my life, my mom took the news the hardest. This is unsurprising since she’s A) a woman; B) over age 33; C) a mom, meaning she wants all the usual Disney bullshit for her children, much more so than my dad.
I never actually sat down with her and explained things like I did with my dad, mostly because my mom is a much more emotional person and I didn’t think that approach would have worked. Instead, I would just drop random hints here and there and honestly answered questions as she asked them.
Around 2009 or 2010, she angrily confronted me. “Why are you having sex with all of these young girls? Is this how you want to live your life?”
I looked her square in the face and said, in no uncertain terms, that it was exactly how I wanted to live my life at that time, and if she didn’t like it that was her problem and she could fuck off. I also told her I didn’t want to discuss this topic with her ever again unless she was more constructive.
She just frowned and that was literally the last time she ever brought it up.
Lesson: Being tough with your parents works. It’s a shame more men don’t have the balls to do this.
Unlike my dad, who enjoyed my book despite the fact he disagreed with a lot of it, my mom read part of the first chapter of The Unchained Man, was utterly horrified, couldn’t get through it, and later bitched at me about why I think “everything is about sex” (even though sex is just a tiny part of that chapter).
That was about it. Perhaps needless to say, many years later when I got engaged to Pink Firefly my mom was ecstatic and today she’s very pleased about the fact that I’m married even though my marriage is a little unconventional. She is also close friends with Pink Firefly and the two of them often go shopping together.
I have five siblings: three brothers and two sisters. I describe all of them here if you want some context. None of them really cared much when I went public with the type of life I was living. I’m sure there were some discussions about me when I wasn’t in the room, but I didn’t care (and neither should you).
My sisters and one of my brothers didn’t care at all and never brought it up. One of my brothers was mildly interested and asked a few questions, which I answered. Another one of my brothers was very interested about the open aspect of my relationships and asked a lot of questions several times. In the end though, he declared that he could “never do that” (he’s a monogamously married Alpha Male 1.0).
That was about it. I’m not super close to any of my siblings though; I suspect if you have siblings who are actually like close friends you’d likely get more of a reaction.
My Mother-in-Law (Pink Firefly’s Mom)
I could write an entire article on this one, but I will simply summarize it here since I’ve mentioned this before. When PF and I were dating, PF’s sister found this blog and (of course) immediately showed her mom. Unsurprisingly, her mom, who really liked me during the few times we had already met, freaked the hell out and told a bunch of people about it, worried for her daughter.
I texted her and told her that she and I should meet up for coffee and have a little chat. We did so and met at a Starbucks one day. She was cold and wary. Then we talked for about 90 minutes, and I explained everything (at least the basics) and why I did what I did and lived the way I did. I also told her of my intention on marrying her daughter (an OLTR Marriage, of course, and I explained that as well). By the end of the conversation she was smiling and happy and we were friends again. We’re still friends to this day.
Lesson: Stay the course, have some balls, and be strong. It works.
Most of my friends are long-distance, guys I went to school with and so forth. I’m an introvert so I don’t spend a lot of pure friend-time that isn’t related to women or business somehow. My friends either didn’t give a shit or asked a few basic questions and then left it at that, pretty similar to my siblings.
Lesson: People care much less about your life than you think they do.
My Business Clients and Co-Workers
These people cared the least. A lot of guys are really worried about this, if their boss, clients, or customers find out you’re an Alpha 2.0. I admit that many years ago I was a little concerned about this myself, but then I realized I was violating my own rules and was being outcome dependent.
So, I stopped keeping my Alpha 2.0 life and business life separate and started merging the two of them together. The vast majority of my clients didn’t give a shit. Their attitude was that as long as I was helping them in their companies, they really didn’t care what kind of things I was doing in my personal life or how I was running my businesses.
Two of my business’ clients started asking lots of questions. One of them has converted to Alpha 2.0 since then and the other one has moved heavily in that direction.
The bottom line is that as long as you stay strong and outcome independent, people in your personal life discovering you live an Alpha 2.0 lifestyle is mostly a non-event. Many of you are terrified about this for no reason.
People really don’t give a shit. They’re too concerned about themselves.