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Today’s article is written by my favorite daygame guy, Tom Torero. There is also a FREE audio component to this article above, available for everyone. Tom will also be replying in the comments below. Take it away, Tom!
For the last ten years I’ve dedicated my life to learning and teaching how to meet girls during the day. No dating sites or phone apps. No late nights in loud nightclubs and bars. Just approaching attractive girls out and about in parks, stores, coffee shops and malls. Being direct, letting them know what you want, taking their contact details and getting them out on dates.
From Miami to Moscow, Cape Town to Copenhagen, I’ve roamed the globe to over 60 countries and 80 cities to perfect the art and craft of daytime seduction (or “daygame” as it’s known in the pickup community). As an Oxford educated nerd I kept track of my progress, my data and my student’s data, figuring out what worked and what didn’t live infield rather than just theorizing.
This article aims to give you the basic outline of how to get started, whatever your age and whatever city you’re in. But bear in mind that it’s an enormous topic, as detailed as playing professional poker. So, feel free to ask questions below and browse my ten–year archive of videos and books on my website to dive deeper.
The Two Classic Problems
Zooming out, there are only two big problems guys have trying to chat up girls during the day.
- They fear the approach (“approach anxiety”). Because there’s no alcohol involved, no hiding behind a laptop or phone app, guys worry how the girl will react and how others around will react.
- Their default mode is Mr Nice Guy. They ask a ton of boring chit-chat questions in interview mode, they sound like her colleague, they hide their real intent and they Friend Zone themselves, even quitting the interaction themselves early.
The Daygame Model
Between 2010 and 2014 a group of London daygamers put together a blueprint model for overcoming these two main problems from infield trial-and-error, adapting the famous ‘Mystery Method’ to the street and for talking to single girls rather than big groups in a club. The same model was then applied across the world, proving its global effectiveness, and refined as the years went by.
The model consists of five steps:
- Open: Overcome your approach anxiety (through repetition and baby-step desensitization) and go and say hello to the girl. Rather than hiding your intent and pretending you need directions to the train station (“indirect approaching”) we like to be upfront and tell her that we find her cute.
- Stack: To stop yourself grilling her with boring questions in Nice Guy Mode, we instead make fun observations and guesses about her. She might look like a yoga teacher, or that she comes from a far-off tropical island. Perhaps she reminds you of an 80s rock star. Keep it light and flirty.
- Vibe: Once she’s given you a topic to work with (her job, where she’s from etc.) now comes the hard part. Still without asking boring questions or sinking into friendly rapport, it’s your time to shine through flirtatious storytelling where you tease and challenge her. Keep up this vibing until she “hooks” (shows interest in the conversation and asks you questions).
- Invest: Once she’s solidly contributing to the conversation, dial down your flirting and attraction material. Get into some rapport with open ended questions to keep her talking. Tell her something about you to ground it.
- Close: Don’t hide behind a weak excuse of wanting to take her to a salsa class. Remind her that you think she’s attractive, tell her that you’d like to take her for a glass of wine and that you should exchange contact details (get her number, don’t just offer yours).
And that’s it. A decade’s worth of teaching and practicing the beautiful art of daytime seduction in five steps. They sound simple, but take months, if not years, to get good at. Once you’ve got the approach (Step 1) and the close (Step 5) down, you’ll find that most of your problems will occur at the Stacking (Step 2) and Vibing (Step 3) stages. Vibing is particularly hard as it relies on you being a confident, charismatic storyteller who never runs out of things to say. This can only come with infield practice.
Daygame works best in big pedestrian cities with high foot traffic. The more universities, parks and tourists the better. Think New York City and London. If you’re in a smaller city then you’re going to be practicing in malls, coffee shops and stores but it will be harder to find enough volume to learn as fast.
When you’re starting out, ignore the many excuses that will pop up in your mind. Treat it like the gym. Most decent daygamers go out 3-5 times a week, talking to 10 girls in each session. To desensitize yourself to the anxiety and iron out your sticking points is going to take a few months.
Do looks and status matter? Well obviously present yourself in your best light (dress with an edge, get in shape) but you’ll find that charisma and charm are what’s really needed beyond the first ten seconds of the approach. Game is both a value delivery mechanism and part of that value too.
Does age matter? Less than you think. My youngest student was 17, my oldest was 67. I started my daygame journey when I was 29 and had my most fun when I was in my mid 30s. But I’ve lived with enough guys in their 40s and early 50s to see that the skill set still works as long as you keep yourself together.
What kind of realistic expectations should you have? Well, depending on your starting point, your mileage will vary. But a solid daygamer should be able to get a number from 25% of the girls he approaches. Out of those numbers, 25% should come out on dates. And from those dates, 25% should end up in his bed. If you think those statistics are depressing then look at your ratios for Tinder or dating sites.
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As I said, there’s not enough time in one post to go over the complexities of the art and craft of daytime seduction. I’ve written six books on the subject (one of them an A-Z textbook) and documented the decade-long learning journey in my video library where you can see the theory in action across the world. But for now, leave your questions below and I’ll come back to answer them.
Remember that “the Game is played infield” so log off as much as you can and test these ideas outside, talking to girls and seeing what works rather than just hypothesizing online.
My website: https://tomtorero.com/
My books: https://tomtorero.com/books/
My video vault: https://tomtorero.com/vault/
Both Tom and I will be responding to questions in the comments below, so ask away.