As I’ve examined in great detail over the years at my blogs and in my books, men give up a huge swath of their freedom, masculinity, testosterone, and long-term happiness by getting traditionally, monogamously married, particularly in a left-wing civilization like ours with an over 76% risk of eventual divorce.
Even when men logically know and understand this, as they age, eventually either loneliness, the need for conformity, or right-wing/religious Societal Programming take hold of these guys and they still take the plunge into TMM.
Getting into a TMM isn’t the only answer, of course. In this article I describe the nine different options men have as they get older. It is one of the highest-trafficked articles on this blog and I strongly recommend it if you haven’t read it already. TMM is only one of these nine options. Although all the options are less bad than TMM, some are still pretty bad, and some are okay.
Since most men will eventually want to settle down with a woman in some form or fashion post-age-40, the least-bad of these options for most men (though not all men) is the OLTR Marriage, which is what I’ve done. OLTR Marriage is like TMM except that it removes at least 90% of the risk and allows you to retain at least 90% of your freedom. I explain the differences between OLTR Marriage and TMM here.
That being said, OLTR Marriage is still marriage, and I am definitely living the lifestyle of a married man no matter how much freedom I have or how many women I have sex with. Some of the marital downsides to a man can still exist in an OLTR Marriage. Recently, a commenter posted this:
Blackdragon probably truly loves Pink Firefly and wants a deeper, stronger and better emotional connection with her, but let us not delude ourselves in that she is not the emotional, financial and time suck on him that most women would be which allows him to concentrate more fully on his mission and make more money and be able to leave the USA faster and better than he would be able to do so otherwise, and I truly believe that he fully knows, understands and is self aware of this.
This is correct. Though I have orders of magnitude more freedom and long-term happiness than the typical married beta male (or the married Alpha Male 1.0 who has finally surrendered his balls to monogamy), do I have more freedom and flexibility as a married man than I would have if I just had a few MLTR or FB? No.
If I lived alone and just had a few low-end MLTRs or FBs I would certainly be able to focus more of my energy on my business, projects, fitness, Mission, and so forth. Being married, even OLTR married, does indeed require some weekly maintenance on your part. It requires a certain amount of emotional energy and requires a very specific set of relationship management techniques specifically for men who live full-time with a woman. (My book on how to manage your live-in relationship with your OLTR comes out later this year.)
In my particular example, I spend most of my typical day working on my own projects. Pink Firefly and I spend dinner together and a little time in the evening after that, then I get back to work. As a compromise to make up for this lack of time together, I committed to spend one entire day a week with her (usually Sundays) that we designate as our day together. Then the other six days of the week I’m back to work.
Certainly, if I wasn’t OLTR married I could devote that entire Sunday and a few hours on those weekdays to my work and Mission. That time is what I give up by being married. However, there are three counterpoints to that.
First off, outside of one day per week plus about two hours a day on the other days, I can do literally whatever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want, without having to check in or get permission from Pink Firefly or anyone else. That includes having all the sex with other women I want as often as I like. This in no way describes any other married man I have ever met, including married Alpha Male 1.0s. All these other married guys are under a strict set of rules that govern their entire lives, even when their wives aren’t around. As I’ve talked about in great detail, that will not make you long-term happy unless you are an extreme beta male. While OLTR Marriage-level freedom isn’t quite what it is if you live alone, it’s still extraordinarily significant.
Secondly, those times I spend with Pink Firefly are enjoyable. It’s not like I’m grudgingly or angrily spending time with my wife out of some sort of obligation like many other married guys I know. I really enjoy spending time with PF. We have a great time together. Because of certain opposite aspects of our personalities, our attraction for each other is very high, even now, going into our sixth year together. We get along very well. We also have surprisingly similar tastes in what we like to do for fun… and we have radical differences in what we like to do, but I just don’t do those things with her, so I compromise nothing (she can do things like see chick flicks with her girlfriends, not me).
Lastly, and most importantly, I am a man who is almost 50 years old who has already accomplished most of his biggest goals and dreams in life. Far before I married Pink Firefly…
- I had achieved every lifestyle goal I had ever had.
- I had achieved every business goal I had ever had.
- I had not only met but exceeded all of my income goals and was making more money than I ever even imagined.
- I had sex with a massive number of women, at least 90% of which were either cute or hot.
- I had lived literally every sexual fantasy I had ever had, no matter how crazy or improbable, multiple times, with multiple women.
- I had lost 40 pounds and had radically improved my phyiscal appearance from my beta male twenties and early thirties.
Before I got married, I had already achieved a level of self-actualization. Therefore, at that point in my life, it was okay for me to devote some of my week away from being Superman and into a relationship that had (and still has) strong meaning for me.
Notice how radically different this is from the typical dumbass who’s 25 or 27 or 36 who gets oneitis and moves in with a woman well before he’s making any decent amount of money, well before he’s accomplished anything of significance, or well before he’s had sex with more than about 10 or 15 average-looking women. How FUCKING INSANE is it for that guy to commit to something like a long-term live-in relationship with a woman? Jesus! That relationship will pull him away from his goals, not help him achieve them! Even worse, that relationship will probably be monogamous… so now he’s completely fucked.
I already talked about why it’s a terrible idea to have a girlfriend before age 30 and why it’s a horrible idea to get married before you turn 35 (at the very earliest) and why it’s utterly ridiculous in the modern era to have any children before you turn 40 and you’ve already accomplished most or all of your financial goals. It is precisely because of the freedom-limiting aspects of these lifestyle choices that you accomplish your goals FIRST, then settle down SECOND (or ever!). The traditional/right-wing/religious Societal Programming of settling down first and figuring everything else out later was fine advice 70 years ago when the world was a very different place. Today, it’s insanity.
To be clear, I’m not saying I’m done setting business or Mission goals. Ohhhh, quite the opposite. About six months ago, I set some of the biggest goals I’ve ever set in my entire life. (In a few weeks you’re about to see some big changes around here because of them.) I plan on working for the rest of my life because I love to work, and I have big goals. The difference is that these goals are side-by-side with my relationship goals with Pink Firefly, so there will be a little diffusion between them. Which, at this point in my life, is fine. It would not have been fine in my twenties. Or thirties. Or even my early forties.
TMM is something no man should ever do in the modern era (unless you are an extreme beta male). OLTR Marriage is only something older men should do after they have accomplished a great deal in their lives, and even then, only after very carefully weighing all the options, upsides, and downsides. Marriage isn’t something you do because you’re lonely, or in love, or because your mom or your religion wants you to do it. In the modern era and in the Collapsing West, it’s much, much more complicated than that.
The Alpha Male 2.0 Focus Program is where you meet with me and a small group of men one-on-one four times over the course of a year to improve your financial and woman life 90 days at a time. There is a huge discount if you sign up before February 16th and our first session is in March! Click here for the details.