According to my dating system you don’t attempt sex on the first date, but you do on the second when she’s back at your place. In most cases, your odds of success for getting sexual beyond kissing on a second date under this system are pretty good provided you handled both the first and second dates correctly (which most men do not). This is generally because a woman who has absolutely zero desire to get sexual with you at all on the second date will usually refuse to come over to your place on the second date, and will instead either ghost you (women under age 33) or strongly suggest going out to dinner instead (women over age 33). 

That being said, no one who is not a famous celebrity has a 100% success rate of getting all the way to sex on the second date when the woman comes over to their place, myself included. There will still be times where, on this second date, the woman will refuse sexual contact completely, or get somewhat sexual but not go all the way, or will get sexual but only after a little reluctance first. 

In this article I will discuss how to handle the most common of these situations. Before I get into specific scenarios though, I need to clearly state that none of these second date techniques will work if you already screwed up the first date. The only reason fast sex on the second date works is because you handled the first date correctly. If you didn’t, you probably won’t be successful on the second date no matter what you do (outside of just getting lucky, which does happen, but it’s rare). In my primary dating book, Get To Sex Fast, I discuss exactly what to do (and not do) on the first and second dates so that this process is as smooth as possible for both you and her. But if you screw up on the first date, or even during the first portion of the second date, you’re unlikely to be successful, and that’s your fault.

Therefore, these techniques and scenarios assume that you have executed both the first date and the first part of the second date perfectly and are still getting resistance despite that. 

Okay. I hope you get that. Onto the scenarios.

“I want to, but I’m on my period.” 

Sometimes this excuse comes up. Men often think this is a lie used to get out of sex, but in my experience, if you’ve done everything right, for the vast majority of women under age 33 saying this on the second date, it usually is true. She really is having her period and she’s feeling weird about it. 

Here’s the deal on periods, women, and sex. Once a woman is already dating you and has already had sex with you many times, she won’t mind having sex with you while on her period. Indeed, many women are actually more horny during their periods (or right before, or right after, read this for more details). 

However, the very first time a woman has sex with a new guy this is completely the opposite. When a woman has sex with a new man for the very first time, she’s extremely self-conscious. She will want to make sure that every aspect of her physical appearance and cleanliness from head to toe is perfect. If it’s not, if she has any problems that day, like if she has her period, or feels bloated, or has a really weird tan line on one of her boobs, or whatever, she will be too nervous to have sex.

I said she will be too nervous to have sexNot that she doesn’t want to have sex with you. Those are two different things. She does want to have sex with you… just not right now while she’s on her period. 

In these scenarios, don’t push for sex. Just nod and say, “I completely understand, let’s not worry about sex today.” Then make out, do other things, and get as sexual as she’s comfortable. Then when the date is over, schedule the next date right then and there where she comes directly over to your home. Make sure there is plenty of time for the period to go away before this happens.  

I’ve done this with several women and got to very fast sex on that third meet, often within just ten minutes. Your goal is to be understanding but get her sexually revved up, so she’ll be ready to rock when you see her again. 

Odds of success: High 

“I’m not comfortable yet.”

This is a standard ASD response for many women. It might be accurate, it might be bullshit, there’s no way to know for sure. The word yet at the end of that sentence could be an indication that she really does want to have sex with you but she’s feeling a little nervous, or it could be a clever way of leading you on. It really could be either/or.

Just proceed as I talk about in Get To Sex Fast, using three graduated freezeouts, and if those still don’t work, very politely wrap up the date. 

Odds of success: About 50/50. 

“We haven’t been dating long enough yet.”

Uh-oh. This one is a problem. This is usually indicative of a high-ASD woman, provider hunter, or woman over the age of 33.  

Engage in the usual freezeout technique but realize that your odds are lower, and this is likely a woman who has absolutely no interest in actually having sex with a guy on the second date. I’m not saying it’s impossible; you could still be successful. I’m just saying the odds are lower. 

Go ahead and schedule a third date if you wish, but again, realize your odds of success even on that date will be lower. This is a woman who likely wants many dinner dates and even perhaps monogamy commitments before she takes her clothes off. In other words, this is not a woman you want in your life. Leave her for the beta males and religious guys. 

Odds of success: Low 

“Can we….?” 

This is when a woman asks for certain things to be done before she starts having sex with you. Here are a few examples: 

“Can we go to your room?” 

“Can we shut all the windows?” 

“Can we turn off all the lights?” 

“Can we turn on some music?” 

“Do you have condoms?” 

“Can we turn on some porn to listen to in the background?” 

“Can we cuddle a little first?” 

Another subcategory of this is when she demonstrates a minor concern, such as: 

“What if the neighbors hear us?” 

“What if your roommate comes home?” 

“My boyfriend might call!”  (Yes, I’ve gotten this more than once. Remember folks, monogamy doesn’t work.)

All of these statements are fine. Just be nice and comply with her wishes. It’s reasonably rare (in my experience) that a woman will demand something that is really inappropriate for first-time sex. I think the worst I’ve ever had is when a woman said she would have sex with me but demanded she spend the night with me afterwards. (I politely told her no; that’s in violation of my rules. Once we’ve had sex twice and I’m sure I want her as an MLTR then she can spend the night with me, but not before that. I operate on my timetable, not hers.) 

I’ve seen some guys refuse these requests and even get a little upset. “Turn off the lights? But I want to see you, baby!” That is not only rude, it’s stupid. Dude. Shut the fuck up and have sex with her. Once you’ve had sex with her twice she won’t care about the damn lights, trust me. For now, keep your eye on the prize and get laid. Figure out the ideal sexual scenarios with her later once she’s in a regular FB or MLTR relationship with you which, of course, is the entire goal here. (I don’t do one night stands nor do I recommend them.) 

Thirty seconds before a new woman has sex with you for the first time is not the time to be a picky guy, a tough guy, or an anal-retentive nerd. Now is the time to be really chill, relaxed, flexible, and kind. Save your negative personality traits for her later (since that’s exactly what she’s doing). 

There are other possible problems that may arise but the scenarios above cover most of them. Just remember that the more you do correctly on the first and second dates, the less of these challenges you’ll have (though you’ll still get them occasionally no matter what).

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18 Comments on “Second Date Sexual Escalation Troubleshooting

  1. I need to clearly state that none of these second date techniques will work if you already screwed up the first date. The only reason fast sex on the second date works is because you handled the first date correctly.

    I’m just trying to imagine a scenario where you screw up the first date and she still comes over to your house for a second date. I can’t really see it. I’ve certainly screwed up first dates and probably still do. I’ve certainly had cases where even after a first date seemed to go well, I couldn’t get her to come over to my place (including, as you say, “let’s have dinner at a nice restaurant”). But if she comes over, it’s pretty much a done deal. I can think of perhaps one exception in the last two years — and that involved a sudden call from a sick daughter asking her to come home immediately.

    Also, this:

    … or get somewhat sexual but not go all the way

    Nope. Never happens. If they “get sexual,” they go all the way.

    This is when a woman asks for certain things to be done before she starts having sex with you.

    Sure. Happens all the time. Lights on, lights off. Not in this room, in that room. But no big deal. As you say, just go along with it.

     

  2. Love you, man. You ruined my marriage but saved my life.
    I had a chick on fourth date at my place naked with me naked on my bed screaming “no” and covering her pussy with both hands.

    I was moron enough to schedule another date. Never again.

  3. I bought a sex doll so I could get laid without actually having to commit a capital crime or become unemployed or poke my hoohoodilly into any hole surrounded by more than 140 pounds.  I need to look into moving to Asia.

     

  4. Nope. Never happens. If they “get sexual,” they go all the way.

    It does happen. Maybe there’s something about you so experienced women like you more and inexperienced ones less, so you just don’t encounter this?

  5. I’m just trying to imagine a scenario where you screw up the first date and she still comes over to your house for a second date. I can’t really see it.

    It’s not typical but it does happen.

    Nope. Never happens. If they “get sexual,” they go all the way.

    On the second date at your place? 100% of all women? Sorry, incorrect.

    (And if you’re saying that your experience, then that’s your experience. Maybe. It’s not the experience of the other thousands of men reading this.)

    Love you, man. You ruined my marriage but saved my life.

    That’s sometimes how it works.

    It also means your marriage was already ruined before you found me.

    I bought a sex doll so I could get laid without actually having to commit a capital crime or become unemployed or poke my hoohoodilly into any hole surrounded by more than 140 pounds. I need to look into moving to Asia.

    Michael, please seek professional therapy. Your comments lately indicate you’re headed towards a very dark place. Please get help.

  6. And if you’re saying that yourexperience, then that’s yourexperience. Maybe. It’s not the experience of the other thousands of men reading this.

    BD, I know you’re mainly targeting men in the west, and you’ve probably got that I live in Indonesia by now. So that’s probably where the difference is. It’s not that I’m particularly, incredibly good at hitting on women, it’s more that there is quite a big taboo about women being alone with a man here — not as big as it used to be, and not as big in Jakarta as in the provinces, but still. So, if she agrees to come over, it’s pretty clear what’s going to happen. The major modification I make to your system is to do up to TWO coffee shop dates, my place third time around. It seems to be the sweet spot for getting them in the comfort zone, although second date isn’t that uncommon. If its first date, then it’s usually a sign that they are a little bit unstable and weird. Not always, but often.

  7. Oh, and when I thought about it, I also remembered two women who said that they were on their period. One gave me a CIM/swallow blowjob, the other agreed to come around some other time. But I’ve had women change their mind about coming over because they “weren’t well.” Later, after I knew them better, they told me they didn’t want to come over on their period, so they put it off.

    My target age bracket is 30-40, usually divorced (or married) women. Young women here are usually saving it for when they get married, or pretending to. I seem to remember having a lot more frustrating, little bit sexual, blue balls incidents when I targeted VYM, quite a few years ago.

  8. BD, I know you’re mainly targeting men in the west, and you’ve probably got that I live in Indonesia by now. So that’s probably where the difference is.

    For fuck’s sake everyone, if you don’t live in the Western world PLEASE make that very clear whenever you post comments about how “that’s not how it is” or “that never happens to me.” I’ve said this many times and I’m getting a little tired of repeating it. Please don’t make me start deleting comments and/or banning users who are outside of the West who make sweeping statements that don’t apply at all to people in the West. Because if this continues to be a problem I will start doing exactly that.

    You’ve all been warned.

  9. “when a woman said she would have sex with me but demanded she spend the night with me afterwards. (I politely told her no; that’s in violation of my rules. Once we’ve had sex twice and I’m sure I want her as an MLTR then she can spend the night with me, but not before that. I operate on my timetable, not hers.) ”
     

    Did the woman leave?.. never to return?

  10. First of all, I am not arguing with you,

    it is just that I really like sleeping with a woman,

    not as much as sex, but close.

    So,

    “when a woman said she would have sex with me but demanded she spend the night with me afterwards.

    (I politely told her she could not wear more than panties, I would not be wearing more than undershorts and that I would be holding on to one of her breasts most of the night even when I was a sleep and sex would happen again in the morning and if that was OK with her then fine she could stay the night)”

    It always worked for me, but it didn’t happen enough times to be a statistically accurate I suppose.

    Your thoughts on this???????????

  11. Did the woman leave?.. never to return?

    No. We had sex.

    First of all, I am not arguing with you,

    it is just that I really like sleeping with a woman,

    I’ve responded to that before. I don’t care what you like and my advice in this matter isn’t about what you like or don’t like. It’s about what is most likely to get you to sex as fast as possible and what is most likely to establish a long-term non-monogamous relationship. If you want to violate my advice because you don’t like it, go right ahead. Just don’t expect it to work as well.

    Once you are in an MLTR with her (after having sex twice or so), feel free to sleep with her at that time.

  12. “The major modification I make to your system is to do up to TWO coffee shop dates, my place third time around.”

    If you’re in Asia (or Europe) (or SA) or basically everywhere else in the world that isn’t a police state that flogs women for showing their hair or something insane like that, then you’ve got this bass-ackwards man. The major modification you make to the system with Asian women is that you go for sex on the FIRST date, because they have absolutely zero ASD compared with Western women due to the lack of puritanical brainwashing.

  13. The major modification you make to the system with Asian women is that you go for sex on the FIRST date, because they have absolutely zero ASD compared with Western women due to the lack of puritanical brainwashing.
    Nope, that’s just up there with ‘all Asian women want white dick’. It may work in some SE Asian places where girls think they can snare a guy, but in places like Japan, Korea, China etc.. women still have ASD which guys need to navigate.

  14. I’ve mentioned this before…

    I used to run into ASD on the 2nd date quite often.  Then I tweaked the 2 date model to add a short activity date (usually a short hike near my place) before bringing them back to my place.

    Since then, they’ve been much more willing to get sexual on the 2nd date, although not always willing to actually have sex till the third.  These have all been women in their late 40s or older…the ones who supposedly have “sky high ASD”.

  15. its possible to bang females on her period on first date, and managed to make her come back second time.

    just the ASD is probably higher.

    i pulled her to motel and asssure her it’s not happening if she doesn’t want, and she agreed.

  16. For fuck’s sake everyone, if you don’t live in the Western world PLEASE make that very clear whenever you post comments about how “that’s not how it is” or “that never happens to me.” I’ve said this many times and I’m getting a little tired of repeating it. Please don’t make me start deleting comments and/or banning users who are outside of the West who make sweeping statements that don’t apply at all to people in the West. Because if this continues to be a problem I will start doing exactly that.

    You’ve all been warned.

    Cool. Your wall, your call. I’ll remind people of where I live if I make a comment that is affected by that fact. There are probably big differences between women in “the West,” too, however you define that. Women in the rural areas of Poland (or Arkansas) are the same as women in San Francisco? Probably not. So everyone’s comments are probably affected by where they live. It would probably be helpful if everyone stated their place of residence, so we could put their comments in context.

    I certainly look forward to comments by people in a wide range of different places. I hope my own comments about Indonesia are useful to men who are thinking about living outside their place of birth. Leastwise, they might help people who have completely delusional, fantasy-driven ideas about “Asian women,” like at least one post above.

    Happy Christmas and best wishes for the New Year!

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