According to my dating system you don’t attempt sex on the first date, but you do on the second when she’s back at your place. In most cases, your odds of success for getting sexual beyond kissing on a second date under this system are pretty good provided you handled both the first and second dates correctly (which most men do not). This is generally because a woman who has absolutely zero desire to get sexual with you at all on the second date will usually refuse to come over to your place on the second date, and will instead either ghost you (women under age 33) or strongly suggest going out to dinner instead (women over age 33).
That being said, no one who is not a famous celebrity has a 100% success rate of getting all the way to sex on the second date when the woman comes over to their place, myself included. There will still be times where, on this second date, the woman will refuse sexual contact completely, or get somewhat sexual but not go all the way, or will get sexual but only after a little reluctance first.
In this article I will discuss how to handle the most common of these situations. Before I get into specific scenarios though, I need to clearly state that none of these second date techniques will work if you already screwed up the first date. The only reason fast sex on the second date works is because you handled the first date correctly. If you didn’t, you probably won’t be successful on the second date no matter what you do (outside of just getting lucky, which does happen, but it’s rare). In my primary dating book, Get To Sex Fast, I discuss exactly what to do (and not do) on the first and second dates so that this process is as smooth as possible for both you and her. But if you screw up on the first date, or even during the first portion of the second date, you’re unlikely to be successful, and that’s your fault.
Therefore, these techniques and scenarios assume that you have executed both the first date and the first part of the second date perfectly and are still getting resistance despite that.
Okay. I hope you get that. Onto the scenarios.
“I want to, but I’m on my period.”
Sometimes this excuse comes up. Men often think this is a lie used to get out of sex, but in my experience, if you’ve done everything right, for the vast majority of women under age 33 saying this on the second date, it usually is true. She really is having her period and she’s feeling weird about it.
Here’s the deal on periods, women, and sex. Once a woman is already dating you and has already had sex with you many times, she won’t mind having sex with you while on her period. Indeed, many women are actually more horny during their periods (or right before, or right after, read this for more details).
However, the very first time a woman has sex with a new guy this is completely the opposite. When a woman has sex with a new man for the very first time, she’s extremely self-conscious. She will want to make sure that every aspect of her physical appearance and cleanliness from head to toe is perfect. If it’s not, if she has any problems that day, like if she has her period, or feels bloated, or has a really weird tan line on one of her boobs, or whatever, she will be too nervous to have sex.
I said she will be too nervous to have sex. Not that she doesn’t want to have sex with you. Those are two different things. She does want to have sex with you… just not right now while she’s on her period.
In these scenarios, don’t push for sex. Just nod and say, “I completely understand, let’s not worry about sex today.” Then make out, do other things, and get as sexual as she’s comfortable. Then when the date is over, schedule the next date right then and there where she comes directly over to your home. Make sure there is plenty of time for the period to go away before this happens.
I’ve done this with several women and got to very fast sex on that third meet, often within just ten minutes. Your goal is to be understanding but get her sexually revved up, so she’ll be ready to rock when you see her again.
Odds of success: High
“I’m not comfortable yet.”
This is a standard ASD response for many women. It might be accurate, it might be bullshit, there’s no way to know for sure. The word yet at the end of that sentence could be an indication that she really does want to have sex with you but she’s feeling a little nervous, or it could be a clever way of leading you on. It really could be either/or.
Just proceed as I talk about in Get To Sex Fast, using three graduated freezeouts, and if those still don’t work, very politely wrap up the date.
Odds of success: About 50/50.
“We haven’t been dating long enough yet.”
Uh-oh. This one is a problem. This is usually indicative of a high-ASD woman, provider hunter, or woman over the age of 33.
Engage in the usual freezeout technique but realize that your odds are lower, and this is likely a woman who has absolutely no interest in actually having sex with a guy on the second date. I’m not saying it’s impossible; you could still be successful. I’m just saying the odds are lower.
Go ahead and schedule a third date if you wish, but again, realize your odds of success even on that date will be lower. This is a woman who likely wants many dinner dates and even perhaps monogamy commitments before she takes her clothes off. In other words, this is not a woman you want in your life. Leave her for the beta males and religious guys.
Odds of success: Low
This is when a woman asks for certain things to be done before she starts having sex with you. Here are a few examples:
“Can we go to your room?”
“Can we shut all the windows?”
“Can we turn off all the lights?”
“Can we turn on some music?”
“Do you have condoms?”
“Can we turn on some porn to listen to in the background?”
“Can we cuddle a little first?”
Another subcategory of this is when she demonstrates a minor concern, such as:
“What if the neighbors hear us?”
“What if your roommate comes home?”
“My boyfriend might call!” (Yes, I’ve gotten this more than once. Remember folks, monogamy doesn’t work.)
All of these statements are fine. Just be nice and comply with her wishes. It’s reasonably rare (in my experience) that a woman will demand something that is really inappropriate for first-time sex. I think the worst I’ve ever had is when a woman said she would have sex with me but demanded she spend the night with me afterwards. (I politely told her no; that’s in violation of my rules. Once we’ve had sex twice and I’m sure I want her as an MLTR then she can spend the night with me, but not before that. I operate on my timetable, not hers.)
I’ve seen some guys refuse these requests and even get a little upset. “Turn off the lights? But I want to see you, baby!” That is not only rude, it’s stupid. Dude. Shut the fuck up and have sex with her. Once you’ve had sex with her twice she won’t care about the damn lights, trust me. For now, keep your eye on the prize and get laid. Figure out the ideal sexual scenarios with her later once she’s in a regular FB or MLTR relationship with you which, of course, is the entire goal here. (I don’t do one night stands nor do I recommend them.)
Thirty seconds before a new woman has sex with you for the first time is not the time to be a picky guy, a tough guy, or an anal-retentive nerd. Now is the time to be really chill, relaxed, flexible, and kind. Save your negative personality traits for her later (since that’s exactly what she’s doing).
There are other possible problems that may arise but the scenarios above cover most of them. Just remember that the more you do correctly on the first and second dates, the less of these challenges you’ll have (though you’ll still get them occasionally no matter what).
Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.