Special treat today. Today you’ll hear from Marty, a guy who has a successful OLTR Marriage (though he is not legally married). In my parlance, “OLTR Marriage” is when you live full-time with your OLTR (as I do) regardless of what you’ve legally signed or agreed to; you’re living as a married man.
Today you’ll learn exactly how Marty lives and how he manages his relationship. Several of you have asked for him to get into more details about his life. Ask, and you shall receive.
Marty is a regular in the comments on this blog. I met him and his girlfriend earlier this year on my last trip to Australia. He’s a great guy and his girlfriend is a sweetheart. As you’re about to see, Marty is the quintessential Alpha Male 2.0 and a fantastic success story for men over age 35 to emulate. (Remember, don’t fucking move in with a woman in a romantic context until you are at least 35 years old unless you’re stupid.)
I’ll let him take over then I’ll wrap it up with my own comments at the end.
My Life with A Bi OLTR!
I am 51 and currently live with my OLTR GF who is 23. We have been living together for the last three years and six months. We met when I cold approached her at a local bar and managed to get her home and sleep with her on the first night. She was only 19 and a virgin at the time. I had several other FB’s in rotation then, and she became another one. However, she quickly became my favorite and I made her more of an MLTR even though I didn’t know that term at the time. She is very pretty and has the perfect body type for the type of girls I love. When we are out together, I am constantly told how lucky I am to have such an attractive young GF.
We moved in together after seven months, but only after I confirmed that she was Bi, and we agreed that we wouldn’t be monogamous. Her being Bi changes a lot of things about how our life plays out. We are also swingers.
I know this is not going to be for everyone. But I’d think a lot of guys would really enjoy the life that I live and the benefits of dating a Bi girl as an OLTR.
I am a high sex drive, high variety guy. This means I not only like to have a lot of sex, but I also like to have sex with a lot of new girls as well. My GF and I pretty much have sex every day. So, it’s not like I’m missing out on sex. But I also like to have sex with a new/different girl at least once a week. I don’t mind repeating with the same girl, but I would prefer new girls if possible. My GF has gotten used to this now and knows if I haven’t fucked a new girl for a few weeks I’m going to start getting unsettled. The great thing about having a Bi GF is she is just as keen to fuck a new girl as I am. One of the fun things about our relationship is we seem to have the same desire to play with new girls as each other.
When we first got together, we were trying to pick up girls for 3somes using Tinder, online and out in clubs. We had some success but found it hard to get a consistent supply of girls. So, this is when we started looking into swinging. My GF is not overly into hooking up with the other guys, but we found the swinging was able to supply us with much hotter and more interesting girls with much less hassle. We also found that we enjoyed hooking up and playing with other couples a lot more than we thought we would.
I only found BD’s writings about two months after we moved in together. But it really helped with managing our relationship. I put a lot of the new things I learned from reading his info into our life straight away and it was awesome at settling down our relationship and making us less volatile, especially letting go of worrying about what she was doing. I was more of an Alpha 1 before reading BD’s stuff. But once I found his blog, I quickly moved to Alpha 2 and let go of all the bullshit. I really didn’t care what my OLTR was doing when she wasn’t with me, but my old Alpha 1 brain was very socially programmed to wonder what she was up to and be suspicious when she was not with me. Once I found BD’s stuff, I quickly realized it didn’t matter and was able to let it all go. It was very freeing.
I’ve followed all of BD’s rules with managing our relationship. Our finances are all separate. She pays for all her own stuff and contributes to anything we do together, i.e. if we go on a holiday together, I’ll book and pay for everything and then get her to transfer her share of the cost to me. I got her to sign a type of financial agreement that is like a prenuptial here in Australia. Even though it’s debatable how well they work here. I don’t put up with any drama and she knows that she is free to come and go and do whatever she wants. Although she doesn’t really want to do anything I might not like, she has expressed that she really enjoys the feeling of freedom she gets from not having to worry about me being jealous or suspicious when she goes out or spends two hours longer shopping than she planned to. I never ask her where she’s been or what she’s been up to if I don’t already know and I expect the same from her.
In the beginning, there were a few issues where she wanted to try and set the rules about certain things. She only wanted us to have sex with other people when we were together and at one stage she wanted to cut back on the number of times we were hooking up with others through swinging. But I just told her no and said she was welcome to leave or find someone else if she wasn’t happy with the way I want to live life. She has now become very secure in our relationship and doesn’t seem to have any sex-related hang-ups at all. So, anything I want to do is fine. She seems to understand that anything I do is only for fun and if it makes me happy our relationship is stronger for it not weaker. She does prefer that I tell her if I’m going to go have sex with someone else without her. This doesn’t worry me so most of the time I do.
She seems to have no interest in other guys and only really wants to sleep with other girls while with me, although she can’t avoid getting fucked by other guys when we swing with a couple. It’s sort of the price you pay to get the other girl which she doesn’t mind. She has had the opportunity to go to girls only parties without me or to hook up with a girl by herself one on one. I encouraged her to do it, but she decided not to. There was one lesbian girl from France we met at a pub that she almost hooked up with, but they couldn’t work out a time to meet before the other girl left so it never happened.
Despite our 28-year age gap we get on really well and have a pretty normal type of life. We work, we hang out at home and with my family. We go riding on my Harley, watch TV and movies together. I have four adult kids and my daughters are almost the same age as her. We often hang out with them and go out. I was living with my daughters when I first picked her up and we started dating. We are both into going out and dancing and it’s very few weekends we aren’t out dancing in clubs or going to parties. We often try and pick up while out but haven’t had a lot of success at that. Although when we do it’s pretty fun! 😀
We both like to travel, and I am trying to work on getting my finances into a more Alpha 2 phase so we can spend more time living and traveling overseas. We have been to Thailand several times together and we both enjoy hooking up with Thai girls while there. We try and do 4somes when there as we fight over one girl. So, having two means we both get one and then we can swap. It’s crazy fun. I would like to live in Thailand eventually for at least six months of the year and then travel other places for the other six including coming back to Australia. We are both very keen to travel to other parts of the world and explore the swinging scene in various places. We have heard incredible stories about what goes on in Europe and other major centers around the world.
I have had regular FB’s at various times during our relationship and I do still have two that I sometimes hook up with. But to be honest I enjoy finding new couples or single girls through the swinging more than hooking up with a FB that I’ve already had sex with more than 20 times. I find that once I’ve had sex with a lady more than five times, I start to lose interest in them if I have the option of finding a new girl. My GF is the same as well.
We have become good friends with several couples that we have met through swinging. As we become friends, we tend to have sex less with these couples and it’s more about just having fun and often about organizing parties or going to parties together for us to find other new couples to play with although the girls will often touch and kiss each other a lot when we are together. It’s not uncommon for the guys to touch and kiss the other girls as well when hanging out even though we won’t go as far as having sex again. I really enjoy this sex-positive drama-free vibe when hanging out with these types of couples. We all know which couples are pair-bonded, but no one gets funny about who is touching who. It makes for some very interesting looks from other people when a big group of us are in a public club. We also share intel with each other on hot new couples we find.
When we first got together neither of us really knew how it would go given our large age difference. But we both decided to just go with the flow and see how things progressed without putting any expectations on it. As I write this, tomorrow is our 4-year anniversary of meeting. At this point we are more in love and more comfortable with each other than ever. We still don’t have any expectations, but I can’t see us ending this anytime soon. I absolutely love being with her and the freedom I have sexually. So, does she it seems. If this was to ever end, I could never go back to dating a non-bisexual girl.
Blackdragon here again. A few quick notes on what Marty said:
- He’s a hardcore variety guy with strong Thrill of the Hunt tendencies. Lots of guys ask me if an OLTR or OLTR Marriage is viable for a Thrill of the Hunt man. Marty proves that it is.
- His girlfriend pushed back on the open aspect of the relationship several times. This is a normal, natural, and expected thing for just about any woman in the Western world in an OLTR Marriage. Marty handled it correctly; he gently said no, over and over again and demonstrated massive outcome independence. Eventually, she stopped pushing and now she’s happy. Very typical.
- Marty had a little trouble finding the type of women he liked. Unlike most guys in these relationships, who just go beta and say, “Well, my OLTR is good enough so I’ll just stop having sex with other women,” Marty instead branched out and tried some new things and found something that worked for him (swinging). Again, good for him.
- Notice that his OLTR started as an FB, then moved to MLTR, then finally OLTR. While this sequence is not required, it’s ideal because you have maximum understanding of her by the time she finally becomes OLTR. In my life both Pink Firefly and HBM went through the exact same sequence.
- Marty was an Alpha Male 1.0 before converting to Alpha 2.0. There’s hope for you Alpha Male 1.0 guys! I know there are lot of you out there!
- Marty was in his late 40s before he attempted this kind of live-in relationship. That is an appropriate age to do this kind of thing. If you’re in your twenties you’re not ready yet. Not even close. Marty was old enough to be ready.
Bottom line, Marty has handled everything in his OLTR correctly, particularly in areas where a lot of guys screw up. He’s a fantastic success story.