As most of you know, I teach a very specific, step-by-step system for getting a woman from meet to sex within 3-4 hours of face time with less than $27 spent. I lay out this entire system in this book. The quick summary is a real-life first date at a nice bar or coffee shop for one hour followed by a second “date” at your place where you proceed to sex. Here’s the graphic overview:
There are a list of specific things you must do and not do on the first and second dates in order to make this system work. Again, this book lays it all out. I also summarize some of the rules for the first date here. Today I’m going to address the questions I get from guys regarding when to break these rules, those rare and isolated times where it makes sense to deviate from this system.
Understand this: These are RARE and ISOLATED events. These are things that don’t happen very often, perhaps even never. The scenarios I’m about to describe are not an excuse for you to deviate from the system every time you feel like it. If you do that, you’ll get laid less, not more. Also, since they are rare events, if you encounter these scenarios repeatedly with multiple women, you are probably doing something wrong and need to do a self-evaluation.
With that being said, here are some of these questions I get, with their answers:
1. Is there ever a time to let the first date go past 60 minutes?
It’s fine to let the first date go a little past 60 minutes. Sometimes guys freak out and tell me that they “really fucked up” by letting the date go 70 or 80 minutes. Don’t worry about that. It’s fine provided you did everything else correctly.
If you’re asking if it’s ever okay to let the first date go two or three hours or more, the answer is no. This is too much provider game and it will likely spike her ASD and press down on her Make Him Wait button, which you do not want. Always remember you want the 85% player, 15% provider frame on all first and second dates for maximum odds of success across the broad spectrum of women.
Are there rare exceptions to this? Are there some women who will have sex with you very fast if you have a much longer first date? Well, that question answers itself. If you’re spending more time on a first date then you aren’t getting laid faster. Over the years I’ve had guys tell me they do very well with getting laid on first dates but they normally have to spend 4-6 hours on the first date in order to do it. Okay, but I’m getting to sex within 3 hours or less using a very fast first date, so I think I win.
Even factoring that in, you have no idea if she’s one of these exceptions beforehand. That means if you break the 60 minute rule because you’re guessing she might be an exception, you’re operating completely in the dark while the odds are not in your favor. Not smart.
2. What if you don’t get to sex on the second date when she’s at your place? Is it worth going after a third date or should you just move on?
It depends on exactly what happened during the second date.
If the second date wasn’t at your home, then yes, proceed to the third date (hopefully at your home).
If the second date was at your home, you did your best to get to sex, and you got sexual with her but not all the way to full-on sex, then yes, proceed to the third date (hopefully at your home).
If the second date was at your home, she’s under the age of 33, you did your best to get to sex, and you got absolutely nothing (other than maybe some kissing), then no, forget the third date and move on. This is a high-ASD woman and fast sex is not something she’s interested in at this time. Stop wasting your time with her and move on to more relaxed women.
If the second date was at your home, she’s over the age of 33, you did your best to get to sex, and you got absolutely nothing (other than maybe some kissing), then unfortunately, this is normal for women over 33. You have a decision to make: move on or suffer through another high-ASD third and perhaps even fourth date before you get all the way to sex. I personally would move on, but that’s me.
3. Is there ever a time you should not go for sex on the second date?
Only if the date doesn’t occur at your home. If your second date is at another bar (or similar location), which is allowed under this system, then you don’t need to push for sex on this date (although you can and I often do).
If the second date occurs at your home, then no, you should always push for sex as best you can 100% of the time while she’s there. If you don’t, and just sit there and talk without sexually escalating while you’re both alone on your bed or couch, you’ll actually send conflicting signals and likely turn her off.
4. What if she orders food on the first date?
You should not order food on a first date, but if she does, let her. This is rare, since women don’t want to “look like a pig” on a first date with a new guy, but some more confident women will do this if they’re really hungry. Let her order a cheese plate or some other bar item (remember, you’re at a bar or coffee shop on a first date, not a restaurant!) but don’t order anything yourself and eat a little of her food. Often this can actually boost results since she feels more “comfortable” with you.
5. Is there ever a time you should agree to an “event date” pre-sex?
No! No, no, no, NO! All first dates must be you and her in a quiet location sitting and talking to each together (bar, Starbucks, fancy deli, etc). No playing pool, no karaoke, no rock climbing, no hiking, no movies, none of that friend zone / boyfriend bullshit. Wait until you’ve had sex with her twice before you do that crap. Read this for more details if you want to know why.
6. Is there ever a time you should go past three dates with zero sexual activity?
No. Regardless of what women or beta males may say about this, the fact is that the world is full of too many hot, high-quality, low-ASD women who won’t make you wait that long for something as basic as sex. If something as normal and mundane as sex is this big of a deal to her, it is very unlikely she’ll make for a great FB, MLTR, or OLTR. (The only way you could come up with some kind of exception to this is if you’re talking about some kind of A-list celebrity you want to have sex with just for the bragging rights; that’s how crazy it’d have to get for me to turn this no into a yes.) Just don’t do it.
Some guys will justify putting up with zero sex past the third date if the woman does something like give them blowjobs. Again, this is stupid. There are hundreds of thousands of other women in your city… why the fuck are you putting up with Just Blowjob Girl? Do you think I would ever do this? No. You’re needy and you probably have oneitis. Move the fuck on.
7. When should you go for sex on the first date instead of the second?
As I’ve explained on this blog and in my books many times, focusing on a 3-4 hour total face time 2-date system is far more time efficient than focusing 100% on always trying to bang women on the first date. (Two quick exceptions to this: night game if you have strong game and pay-for-it sugar daddy game if you have decent game.)
The ASD you’ll have to battle through on all of your first dates is just too time consuming. If she’s under the age of 33, you smash at least 80% of her ASD by escalating to sex on the second date instead of the first, and it doesn’t matter how long the first date was. Thus my system. It works very well.
All of that being said, there will indeed be exceptions to the rule where the woman will be ready (or even eager) to have sex with you right on that first date. In these unusual cases, there’s no reason to wait and you might as well pull the trigger right then and there. I’ve had many of these first dates and they’re wonderful. Just remember they are unusual and will not be the norm under this system.
How can you tell if she’s ready for sex on the first date? Obviously if she asks to go back to your place, say yes and do it. (Some guys actually say no.) This will be really rare though (though I’ve had it happen more than once!). More often you’ll just have to learn to read her. There’s no hard and fast, always-accurate system to use, but here are some strong clues:
- She’s complimenting your appearance, especially if she does it more than once. (Not complimenting you. Complimenting your appearance.) She keeps saying you’re hot or cute or good-looking and so on.
- Her body language is amazing throughout the entire date. She’s always leaning forward, giving you fantastic eye contact, smiling, nodding, and so on.
- She’s under the age of 23.
- She’s dressed unusually sexy. Boobs/cleavage hanging out, under-butt showing through her high shorts/skirt, etc. I know feminists and left-wing women will probably hate this, but yes, the empirical data I have (from my own tracking and from other men who have tracked this stuff) is that women dressed more sexually do indeed tend to have sex with men faster.
- She is constantly giving self-qualifying statements. For example, you say you like women with bigger boobs and she immediately points out that she has big boobs. Later you say you like women who are happy and she immediately starts talking about how happy she is all the time.
- She exudes lots of physical cues. She touches her hair a lot, licks her lips a lot, fidgets with her fingers a lot, and so on. Be careful though; sometimes this can indicate nervousness instead of horniness.
If a woman does at least two or three of the above items, you could pull the tiger on the first date if you really want to. Just say something like, “You want to go back to my place for a little bit?” If you’ve read her correctly, you’ll get a very enthusiastic yes, and you’ll probably be having sex with her within 10-15 minutes of arriving at your home. (Man. I love women like this. I wish there were more of them.)
If you read her incorrectly she’ll politely say no. Just say okay, drop the topic immediately, and change the subject. Don’t push it! This is the first date when ASD is highest. Save the escalation for the second date when it’s much lower.
8. What if she invites some of her girlfriends to the first or second date?
Don’t ever agree to this. My success ratio for women who invite a friend to the first or second date is zero, so I learned very quickly to avoid this. Bringing a friend to a first date is a defense mechanism for women to make sure they can avoid sex and possibly friend zone you more easily. I’d rather have no first date than a first date with a woman and one of her girlfriends.
Whenever a woman pitches this, very gently say, “That would be fun! But it would be nice to just talk to you. Let’s meet up, just you and me, and let’s hang out with your friend next time.” Your odds of success doing this are only about 25%, but again, no date is better than a friend zone-date with the woman and one of her damn girlfriends.
The only possible exception to all of this is sugar daddy game where you’re meeting up with two women with the stated intention of having sex with both of them. This may work if you have decent game (I’ve done it). However, even in these scenarios I’ve had men have report that some women do this on sugar daddy sites as a scam to get you to pay them for platonic first dates (which you should never do, of course).