This is the next installment of the book I never published regarding my history with women and the lessons I learned from it. If you haven’t yet, you should read parts one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 , and 16 before you read the article below, so you can be up to speed on where the story picks up. Everything below is all 100% true to the best of my memory, journals, and spreadsheet records, though all the names of the people described have been changed.
We last left off about ten years ago, the summer of 2009…
At this point I was seeing these three women regularly, plus new women I added sporadically:
Darci – Blonde 23-year-old FB college student. I was seeing her about 2-3 times a month originally, but as the summer wore on, I started seeing her less and less.
HBM – 19-year-old inexperienced Asian FB I saw every week who also cleaned my entire house when she came over. She started becoming more consistent
Sadie– Highly intelligent blonde Russian MLTR, age 23. She was the one who freaked out at the pregnancy test she saw in my trash can, resulting in a (nice) soft next from me.
Darci started slowly floating away. I started seeing her less and less often. No particular reason; she was great. It just happens sometimes. There are times where you or the woman become really busy with other things or other people. I saw her less and less frequently throughout the summer, and by September I wasn’t seeing her anymore. No next, no argument, nothing like that. She just… floated away.
Which was fine. HBM was becoming much more consistent. She was always happy, fun and 100% drama free. She was still an FB since she was only 19, but she was the most enjoyable FB I had ever had up until that point. We would go on to have one of my longest consistent nonmonogamous relationships (almost six years) and as she became older, we were going to grow much more serious. But I didn’t know any of that at this point and wasn’t even thinking about it. She was just a really fun, hot, young, drama-free FB who loved to clean my house. Win.
She would even wash my dishes when she saw other women’s lipstick all over the glasses. She didn’t say anything (though she would much later). She would just make a mental note, file it for later, and continue to sing songs while she cleaned, like a little Asian Snow White.
The sex was getting better too. Within a few weeks I had her orgasming regularly, which only increased her high degree of horniness even more. To this day she ranks as one of the most consistently horny women I’ve ever dated. I taught her various sexual positions and, though initially reluctant, she started enjoying certain ones over others, requesting them in advance.
She kept the entire relationship a secret from everyone she knew, including her friends and even her family whom she still lived with. She always made up a story about how she was going to “hang out with friends” when she came over to see me. This was easy for everyone to believe since HBM was an extreme extrovert and constantly spent time with a huge network of friends when she wasn’t working at her full-time restaurant job.
She didn’t match my physical ideal very much. I like Barbie blondes with big boobs, and she was an Asian with small boobs, but she was hot, had an amazing body outside of the boobs, and was petite, which I like. Not to mention all of her other positives I described above.
Sadie came back after just a few weeks, but only briefly. She was still upset that her Disney fantasies were disrupted by the fact that I was nonmonogamous and always would be. She gave me the usual Societal Programming ASD about how I was a sex addict or something (to which I explained this and this to her). We saw each other for a few more weeks, but the Russian in her just made her too angry about the fact I was having sex with other women, especially women who were younger than her. So, she left me in a LSNFTE and went to go date a Russian beta male she met in the unemployment line. (Yes, I’m serious.) She would be back in about six months. More on that in a future installment.
Darci and Sadie leaving was no problem at all because I was still cranking the dating machine and continuously adding new women from my online dating.
The first one was Layla, a 6’1” 19–year-old who not only was taller than me, but someone I later found out was a virgin. When she met up with me for the first time at a Starbucks down the street from my house (she only lived five minutes away from me which I thought was very convenient), she was absolutely terrified. She had never been on a date before and certainly had never been on one with a guy who was almost 20 years older than her (I was 37 at the time).
Not a problem. By midway into 2009, after two and a half years of working on my dating skills, I was finally a pro at this stuff, so I was able to get her to relax and establish both rapport and attraction. I was able to get her over to my place for the second meet, and over the next few weeks we did a lot of sexual things but never actually got to full-on sex. The only reason I tolerated this was because I found out she was a virgin. She had a boyfriend in high school, and they had, like us, done plenty of sexual stuff but never actually went all the way. I thought it would be interesting and unique to have sex with a virgin since I had never done it before. I also had never had sex with a woman who was actually taller than me and thought that would be an interesting experience well.
I was wrong. We never got to full-on sex because she was just too nervous. After a few times, I smacked myself in the face and asked myself why in the hell I was wasting my time trying to have what would have been horrible sex with someone this nervous and inexperienced. I was already having much better sex on a regular basis with several other women. So, I let Layla go and we became infrequent texting friends. I don’t know what became of her.
Don’t waste your time. If a woman doesn’t want to have sex with you after two or so visits to your home, she isn’t worth it. Whatever reason she has, even if you think it’s a good one, just move on. There are plenty of women just as hot or hotter than her right around the corner ready to have sex with you.
I have never had sex with a virgin. I don’t want to. I think it’s probably the dumbest sexual fantasy men have. (I would, however, later have sex with a woman taller than me. A few, in fact. That was fun.)
The other big addition around this time was Charlotte. I didn’t know it at the time, but Charlotte would go on to become one of the longest, most serious, and most important relationships I would ever have. She was 27 years old, redhead, college educated, very smart, very pretty, with the exact perfect curvy-but-trim body I like.
We hit it off immediately on the first date, got sexual on the second date, had sex on the third. Within two weeks I made her a strong MLTR and we started seeing each other weekly. We loved spending time together. We talked, we laughed, had great conversations, and the sex was just the way I liked it.
For the next six months I kept seeing HBM and Charlotte on an almost weekly basis. I would usually see HBM in the middle of the week (Wednesdays and Thursdays were her weekends), Charlotte on Mondays or Fridays (she was a regional manager so she set her own schedule), and I always reserved my weekends for my children.
At around this time my divorce from Lacy was finalized and a great weight lifted from my shoulders, though my finances were still dicey as I was still recovering from the crash of 2008 (as I talk about in my book).
My relationships with HBM and Charlotte both deepened. Eventually I verbalized my nonmonogamy to both of them, and neither of them cared.
HBM just said to me one day, with a big smile on her face, “You fuck other girls, don’t you?” I just smiled and shrugged. Then she said, “Yeah. You fuck other girls.” And that was that, no further discussion. My EFA had worked perfectly. I would later go on to have sex with many of her friends, some of whom were hotter than her, but that would be later.
With Charlotte, I just told her I was nonmonogamous. She said, “As long as I can have sex with other girls, you can have sex with all the girls you want.” Charlotte was heavily bi-sexual (I didn’t realize how much at the time) and most of her best friends were hardcore lesbians, so what I was doing wasn’t a big deal to her. Perfect.
I dialed down the dating machine a little during the September – December time frame in 2009. HBM and Charlotte were so consistent and solid that I really didn’t need a bunch of other women, and my crazy phase was beginning to draw to a close (but it wasn’t over yet!). There were three other women I saw very sporadically during that time, but none of them were important or long-lasting.
2010 was around the corner, and that would be an important year as well.
To be continued.