Time to kick some of your asses today. I am now going to give you what is, perhaps, my most controversial advice of all time.
What is that I hear? You thought that having nonmonogamous relationships, or not going to college, or some other aspect of my content was the most controversial?
Ohhhhh no. It’s not.
This is. What we’re going to talk about today.
No other piece of advice that I give is as violated as what I’m about to say. No other piece of advice causes men to run the other way quite like this. No other technique I offer results in this much resistance, justification, neediness, Societal Programming, and bullshit rationalizations. If you don’t believe me, just watch the comments on this article and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.
Here we go:
No man, and I mean no man, should have a girlfriend until he’s at least 30 years old.
Let me clarify that statement before I get into it.
I didn’t say a man under 30 shouldn’t have sex. Jesus, no. Of course he should. Regular sex is critical to a man’s happiness, well being, and health, as I’ve explained perhaps hundreds of times over the years. I do not believe in this “monk mode” bullshit that has taken the internet by storm lately and that has allowed men to backwards-rationalize their laziness and low testosterone. That’s just more beta bullshit.
If you’re under 30, get laid, and get laid a lot. I’m saying you shouldn’t have a girlfriend.
I didn’t say a man under 30 shouldn’t date or have relationships with women. You can have an MLTR. You can have multiple MLTRs if you want. Perfectly fine. Date women, spend time with women (not too much of course), enjoy women, love women. All good. But MLTRs are not girlfriends. They are women you care about and have feelings for but have not made any commitments to, emotional or otherwise.
I didn’t say a man under 30 can’t even have a favorite girl out of the several he has on rotation. When you date multiple women, it’s almost inevitable that you will end up with a favorite. That’s how most humans are wired psychologically. Having a favorite FB or high-end MLTR is perfectly fine. But again, these are not girlfriends.
Now here’s what I am saying. If you’re 29 or under, you should not have a girlfriend. Period. It doesn’t matter what type of girlfriend it is. It doesn’t matter if she’s the typical monogamous LTR. It doesn’t matter if she’s an OLTR. It doesn’t matter if she’s de facto monogamous MLTR that you’ve allowed to “morph” into a girlfriend-like fixture in your life because you ignored my advice, got lazy, and stopped having sex with other women.
No, no, a thousand times no. For fuck’s sake, younger men should not have girlfriends!
I don’t care if you don’t like that. I don’t care if you have a girlfriend right now and are getting ready to type comments about how it’s okay because She’s Not Like The Rest™ and how I’m wrong about this.
Say whatever you want. Get as mad and defensive and emotional as you want. I’m still right.
Here are the reasons:
1. Girlfriends are dream-killers.
This is number one, top of the list. As I’m about to discuss in great detail in the upcoming Alpha Male 2.0 Lifestyle Course, men in their twenties need to spend their time and energy detaching from their parents, schools, bosses, and other authority figures, moving out on their own, paying off debt, and start building their empires. These things are absolutely critical.
When you get a girlfriend, she will eventually start leaning on you to do literally the opposite of all of those things.
It’s not because she’s bad or evil. She’s not, and this article is not an anti-woman rant. As my longtime readers already know, women are not evil, disloyal whores or bitches; rather, women are simply biologically hard-wired to behave in certain ways, regardless of your opinions on whether these are appropriate or not. It’s how they are, they can’t help it, and that’s the way they’ll always be. Better get used to it.
When you get a girlfriend, she’s going to lean on you, hard, to do things like:
- Spend more money.
- Go into more debt.
- Spend less time working on your dreams, goals, and Mission.
- Lean more on your family members, including your parents.
- Drain daily emotional energy and willpower.
- Impose more rules and restrictions on your behaviors and time.
- Stop having sex with, dating, or even hanging out with other women.
All of these things are the opposite of what you should be doing in your twenties! All of these things are going to absolutely murder your goals, dreams, plans, finances, masculinity, freedom, and independence.
Getting free is difficult enough already. Liberating yourself from your parents, job, schooling, and so on is difficult enough already. Building your Alpha 2.0 business with location independent income is difficult enough already. Getting a god damn girlfriend makes these difficult things 10X more difficult. Why the fuck would you do that to yourself?
Actually, here’s why…
2. You don’t have the ability to manage strong feelings and oneitis yet.
As I’ve talked about before, younger guys are more susceptible to oneitis and feelings of neediness than older men are, and by a large margin. (I’m not saying older men don’t get oneitis. They certainly can. But the comparison of how often it happens and the degree to which it happens as compared to a younger guy is night and day.)
This also applies to young men with strong game. Again, as I’ve talked about before, young players, pick-up artists, and seducers who have had sex with a huge number of women still get oneitis as hard or even harder than inexperienced beta males do.
This is because, when you are a younger guy, you are simply not equipped, both psychologically and in your logistical lifestyle, when you start getting really strong feelings for one girl and put her in a position of authority in your life by making her your girlfriend (even if it’s an Alpha Male 2.0 version, the OLTR).
The odds of you seriously fucking up this relationship are sky-high as compared to a man who is 38 or 52. When you’re older, you’re going to be much more confident, much more chill, much less tolerant of woman’s drama and bullshit, much less touchy, and have many more life options. And again, this is true even if you’re a younger guy who has already had sex with over 100 women. Doesn’t matter. Pick-up skills and relationship management skills are two very different things.
I have coached and communicated with literally hundreds of men on regarding these topics. Every time I see a guy with a nuclear explosion-level event in his relationship life, at least 85% of the time it’s a guy under the age 30 with a girlfriend.
That should tell you something.
3. There’s no fucking rush.
Statistically speaking, factoring growth in medical technology, you younger guys are going to live to be well past age 100 and still be vibrant and productive well into your eighties. This isn’t the 1600s where you were a bent-over old man by the time you were 40 (if you were lucky enough to live that long). Dude, you’ve got 40 or 50 years to get a girlfriend if you wait until you’re 30.
THERE IS NO RUSH. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU RUSHING THIS STUFF?
Get some fucking balls. Be a fucking man. Stop clinging to some girl just because you’re needy or lazy or because you have mommy issues. STOP IT!
Use your twenties and focus on becoming an independent man. Then, once you’ve got some more financial infrastructure built, you’re a little more solid both in life and emotionally, then get a girlfriend if you still want one. You’ve got plenty of time.
4. Stop thinking you can’t get laid unless you have a girlfriend.
I know some of you are going to say this so I’m heading you off at the pass first.
I don’t care how much of a pussy or beta you are. I don’t care how traditional your country is. You can get laid on a regular basis without having a fucking girlfriend. Don’t give me this bullshit about how you “can’t get laid unless you have a girlfriend.” Have you read anything at this blog? Or any other redpill / manosphere / PUA blog???
Objections / Questions
Alrightee, now to deal with some of the objections and questions I’m going to get from some of you young, oneitis pussies who are going to (unsuccessfully) try to fight me on this:
If having a girlfriend is that bad for your goals in your twenties, why is it then okay to have one in your thirties or forties?
Oh, it is bad to have a girlfriend at any age if you’re not very, very careful. The problem is that if you’re in your twenties, the odds that you’re going to be very, very careful are quite low. If you’re older, the odds you’ll be very, very careful are much higher. Older men are more solid, organized, and emotionally stable. This isn’t an insult to you as a younger guy; it’s just a fact. Older men tend to be more careful about preventing problems when they have a girlfriend than younger men.
And I’ll say it again: Yes, older men get oneitis too. Yes, older men fuck up having girlfriends too. Just not nearly as bad or as often as younger men.
Caleb, didn’t you get a girlfriend / get married in your twenties???
Yup, I sure did, when I was a stupid, retarded beta male who didn’t have the internet or any books on these topics and didn’t know any better. And I paid the price for that idiotic decision later in life, as you well know.
Are YOU a stupid, retarded beta male who doesn’t know any better? Or do you want to do this shit correctly so you can be a better man than I was? The entire point of this blog is to help you avoid the stupid shit I did when I was younger so that you don’t have to encounter the same problems I had to deal with. It’s not so you can just repeat the exact same dumb things, despite my warnings, just because you’re being lazy or irrationally stubborn. That’s fucking stupid.
And, by the way, you’re ignoring a key part of my twenties. I did not get anything that even looked like a girlfriend until I was 25 years old, by choice. I wanted to focus on my empire-building instead. Also, after my divorce at age 35, once again, I didn’t get anything that even looked like a girlfriend until I was in my early forties, again, by choice, because I knew it wasn’t the right time. And this was back in my MLTR days when I was literally averaging two marriage proposals per year from various women for years on end. I still didn’t go there. It wasn’t time.
Yeah, I have an OLTR Marriage now, but as I keep saying to you young guys, I’m 47 friggin’ years old, which is old enough to be your dad, I make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, I have lived all of my wildest sexual fantasies many times over, and I’ve accomplished almost all of my big goals and dreams in life. Does that describe you? No? Then shut the fuck up and stop comparing me to you. You have much more work to do before you do the girlfriend or wife thing.
Having a girlfriend is not a big deal as long as you keep your Alpha frame and aren’t too serious.
Incorrect. A girlfriend, especially a monogamous girlfriend (Jesus, kill me), has authority over your life whether you want to admit it or not. Regardless of how “Alpha” you think you are or how “serious” you think the relationship is, if you have a girlfriend (and that includes OLTR):
- You have numerous restrictions on your time and your life that a man without a girlfriend doesn’t have.
- You have many hours a week consumed by spending time with your girlfriend, hours that a man without a girlfriend can use to improve his life and build his financial and sexual foundations.
- You have to put up with a decent amount of drama, arguments, complaints, and bullshit from your girlfriend on a regular basis, and the guy without a girlfriend doesn’t have to suffer any of that.
- Science has confirmed that you only have a finite amount of emotional energy and willpower in any 24 hour period. Many days a week, you have a good amount of these limited resources sucked up by your girlfriend. These are resources you can’t deploy to other areas of your life.
WTF, man? I have a girlfriend right now. Are you saying I have to dump her right now then? Just because you say so?
If you already have a girlfriend that means you’ve already fucked up. Maybe you didn’t know any better,which is forgivable. Or maybe you did know better, as in you’ve read my content or other red pill content but proceeded to get a girlfriend anyway because you think you’re Superman or you just got fucking lazy.
Stupid. That’s on you, no one else.
Now you’re a scenario that some in the military call AOS, or All Options Suck.
You can stay with her and continue to have your dreams murdered (or at least strongly delayed). Or you can dump her and have a bunch of sadness and emotional angst.
Both bad. Yeah. Sucks. And it’s all your fault, Pumpkin.
I’m not saying you need to dump your girlfriend right this second. I would, because I’m not a pussy. But you don’t have to if you don’t want to. As always, it’s your life. You can do whatever you want, including doing it in a way where you damage or even destroy your long-term happiness. I’m just relaying the facts to you. That’s my role here. What you do with the facts is up to you.
You don’t have to like the facts. You can hate the facts. But the facts are still facts.
One last thing. My son (age 27), like many of you young guys, violated my advice for many years and had a girlfriend. She was a really sweet girl and we all liked her, but that has nothing to do with the facts I’m talking about today. A few months ago he broke it off. It was sad, but he did the right thing. Now he can place his focus where it belongs: improving himself and building his financial future without the overhead of a girlfriend, even a very nice girlfriend, dragging him down like a sea anchor.
So listen, my son. Listen to the Alpha Male dad you never had. When you turn 30, then fine, get an OLTR if you still really want one. But before that, focus on yourself. Date women if you want, get laid, have fun, build your business, but focus on becoming your own man.
That’s what your twenties should be about.