This is the next installment in the “5-7 Skills” series. In every area of life, there are usually 5-7 key skills you must master to be successful at it. I’ve already covered the skills you need for online dating here and the skills you need for nonmonogamous relationships here. Today I’m going to cover real-life dating skills, when you are face-to-face with a woman. There are five skills you must get good at in order to make this work in your life.
This gets a little complicated since “real life dating” can mean many different things. It can mean everything from daygame, to night game, to going out on a fourth beta male dinner date, to trying to game some woman in your social circle.
So to make this more clear, in this article, when I say “real-life dating” I mean when you are face-to-face with a woman you’re trying to have sex with, in real life, but you’re not at a dance club, bar, or other night game location in the evening and she has not been drinking any alcohol.
This is because I have zero night game experience so I can’t give advice regarding it. I’m sure some of these things may help you with night game, but again, I have no experience with that so I have no idea.
Therefore, these five skills apply to daygame, social circle game, and the one or two real-life dates necessary for proper online dating (both types of sugar daddy game included).
As always, the five skills are not listed in any particular order since they’re all critical. If you’re at least “decent” at all of them, you will get laid, and with attractive women. If you are bad at even one or two of them, you might get laid, but it will be difficult and you’ll have to work much harder. If you’re bad at more than two of them, you’re probably not going to get laid at all unless you either pay for it (or perhaps settle for average or below-average women).
1. Temporarily Faking Confidence and Outcome Independence Until You Have Them For Real
“Inner game” really means confidence and outcome independence, two things I talk about a great deal in my books.
Confidence means you are self-assured in your abilities to accomplish the things you want in life. You know you’re not perfect, but you know you have the skills necessary to get what you want, and aren’t super worried about it.
Outcome independence means you don’t give a shit about how any particular scenario (first date, particular woman, etc) ends up. If it works out, great. If it fails and you never see her again, you honestly aren’t bothered at all and are on the next woman on the list. And she can tell you don’t care. (You’re polite and pleasant, but you don’t give a shit.)
Confidence and OI are the two most attractive non-physical qualities to women you can possibly have.
Confidence and OI are not skills. They are qualities. However, if you don’t have both of them yet, the skill you must learn is how to fake it until you make it. If you’re not confident or outcome independent yet, you need to at least pretend you are while you interact with her. If you act nervous (meaning not confident) or needy (meaning not outcome independent), then her attraction will drop. So you have to at least learn how to pretend until such time as these two things become natural for you.
2. Optimizing Physical Appearance
This is an obvious one and the one everyone likes to focus on. It’s not the be-all, end-all that a lot of angry guys think it is, but it’s still core and important.
Being good at dating, seduction, whatever you want to call it, requires that you optimize your external appearance as much as humanly possible within the constraints of your genetics, race, age, and budget.
That means for your genetics, race, age, and budget, you are on the higher end of attractiveness. Taking myself as an example, I’m a 47 year-old American man. I’m not good-looking, I’m not ripped or anything, but compared to the typical 47 year-old American guy, I’m easily in the top 10-15% within that demographic in terms of physical attractiveness. I look decent, my skin is great, my teeth are great, I have a full head of hair, my body language is confident, my movements are fluid and high-energy, I dress well, and so on. This is because I’ve spent the time (and in some cases, money) to optimize my physical appearance as best I can for a 47 year-old guy with my genetics.
Failure to do this doesn’t (necessarily) mean you can’t get laid, or even can’t get laid with attractive women, but it does mean that you’ll have to work much harder, and put in much more time, work, and numbers to get the results you want.
Optimizing your physical appearance must be done. Moreover, doing so offers numerous other benefits to you that have nothing to do with women (as I talked about here), such as better health, higher quality of life, higher self-esteem, and higher income.
3. Mastering The Correct Sequence
Getting to sex as fast as possible requires you to do certain things, at certain times, in a certain order. You don’t kino a girl within the first 10 seconds, you don’t try to have sex with her within the first five minutes, you don’t discuss the relationship on the first date, and so on.
You must know what these things are and when they need to be done.
- Don’t know what these things are.
- Know what these things are, but don’t exactly know how to do them.
- Know what they are, but don’t exactly know when they should be done in the process.
- Know what they are and when they need to be done, but often forget because you get too excited or comfortable.
…then you won’t be very effective. You need to know what these things are, how to do them, when they need to be done, and you actually need to do them near 100% of the time.
Fortunately, this is probably the easiest skill to learn of all the ones listed here. You just get a good book that teaches you these things (Get To Sex Fast is mine; highly recommend it) then go on a bunch of first dates (or similar interactions) and practice the sequence until you get it down.
4. Sexual Escalation
This means you actually have the balls, and it does take balls, to physically start the process of having sex, or at least getting very sexual.
This one is really hard if you don’t have a lot of sexual experience. The biggest reasons men remain virgins for so long is not because they’re losers or because they’re shy around women; no, it’s because they don’t know how to sexually escalate.
This was something I really had to focus on. It took me a good year of practice before I got good at it. Today, I have 100% confidence with it and I do it without even thinking (again, when it’s appropriate in the process and not before!).
You must learn how to sexually escalate, when it should be done, and most importantly, have the bravery and outcome independence to actually DO IT when it’s required. It’s key.
5. Balancing Comfort and Attraction
Mystery said it almost 20 years ago and he was right. Before having sex with you for the first time, a woman must have two things: comfort and attraction. She must have both, not one or the other. Moreover, she can’t have too much of either.
If you achieve attraction but not comfort, she won’t have sex with you because she’ll be too scared or her ASD will be too high. Not good!
If you have zero comfort but absolutely skyrocket attraction, she might have sex with you once but then never see you again. Not good! (Unless all you want are one night stands.)
If you have comfort but not enough attraction, she’ll put you in “make him wait” mode and expect more dates out of you before any sex occurs. Not good! (Honestly, I’d rather she just refuse to see me again.)
If you have zero attraction but skyrocket comfort, she’ll put you in friend zone, and now you’re out of luck. Not good!
But, if you have a high amount of comfort while also having a high amount of attraction, she’ll have sex with you very quickly, and continue to have sex with you for a long time under any type of relationship you want.
You must learn how to achieve a high degree of comfort and attraction without generating too much or too little of both.
That’s it! If you get even decently good at all five of the above items, you’re all done. You’ll be able to have sex with new women whenever you want or need, and with minimal effort.
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