A commenter, Johnson, recently posted this comment below. It’s extremely important since I’ve heard a lot of other men echo his words and feelings:
I follow every point of your Alpha 2.0 system. I have lots of FB‘s and MLTR‘s, and I’ve had many OLTR candidates in the past. I know how to make sure of that if I ever get into an OLTR relationship I can never get hurt legally or financially.
The thing is I’m sorta in fear of getting emotionally hurt. Fear of getting relationship ruined after investing quite a lot in a woman. Look I won’t mince words here, women are women. I know someday she’ll cheat on me by falling in love with another man. It’s just that what’s the point of investing in a relationship then? But if I won’t do it, I feel empty inside. I’m serious. The FB‘s and MLTR‘s model give me a lot of power in my life, but I feel empty.
There’s a lot to unpack here, a lot of feelings that are both valid and unfounded. I know from hearing from thousands of men over the past many years that many of you feel the same (or similar) as Johnson. You feel trapped, in that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life having sex with FBs and MLTRs and want something more, but at the same time, you are rational enough to know and admit that the likelihood of such a relationship (or marriage) ending at some point is very high. Which is objectively true.
I’m usually good at giving absolute and definitive answers to concerns regarding my relationship models. Because we’re dealing with feelings and fears today, this is one of those unusual times where I can’t quite do this. All I can do in this scenario is to lay out the facts, then tell you how I have dealt with this issue myself because many years ago I had to wrestle with the same thoughts.
But I’m not you. We may have similar personalities, which means how I’ve handled this will resonate with you. Or we may have very different personalities, which means the way I’ve dealt with this emotionally may help you a little, or not at all.
Regardless, this is a critical issue for men over the age of 35 in the modern era, so I will do my honest best to help.
Your Age Matters
Let’s start there before I really get into this: age 35. As I’ve said before, if you are under the age of 35, the thought of settling down with a woman may completely turn you off, and that’s good. I’ve said hundreds of times that no man should even have a girlfriend (monogamous or OLTR doesn’t matter) until he is at least 30 years old, shouldn’t even think about settling down with a woman (i.e. moving in with a woman) until he is at least 35, and shouldn’t have kids (and only if he really wants kids) until all or most of his big goals and dreams in life are already accomplished, which for most men means around age 40 or so.
So if you’re under the age of 35 or so and are worried about this, please don’t fret about this much. You’re too young to be worrying about this yet. Focus on your work, your Mission, self-improvement, and having sex with fun FBs and MLTRs for now. Focus on being a better man so that when the day comes when you do want to settle down, you’ll increase the odds of it actually working because of the smarter, happier, more skilled, more confident, more outcome independent, and more abundant man you’ll be at that time.
Now for you guys who are age 35 or over (or rapidly approaching that age)…
Yes. You’re right. Women leave men. That is what they are hard-wired to do at a deep biological level for over 100,000 years. This doesn’t make women evil, or cunts, or bitches, or sluts, or whatever else a lot of red pill men like to think. No, it makes women normal. Just like you wanting to follow your biology and have sex with multiple women doesn’t make you an asshole or immature, her biological desire to eventually get bored or frustrated with a man she lives with doesn’t make her an evil bitch. It just makes us human.
So yes, if you marry her or move in with her under a monogamous or OLTR model, the odds are very high she’ll eventually leave you at some point down the road. I happen to think that in a properly managed OLTR marriage to a skilled, decently high SMV Alpha Male 2.0, the odds of her leaving are much lower than with traditional monogamous marriage, but I can’t back this up with any hard statistics since society isn’t yet brave enough to scientifically study these kinds of marriages. (It will soon as monogamy continues to become less viable, just not yet.)
Also, as an Alpha 2.0, you know that if you get “divorced” in an OLTR marriage, you suffer zero financial damage (because she can’t touch your money even if she wants to, and she gets zero alimony) and you suffer zero sexual damage (since you just continue to have sex with your FBs like nothing happened).
It’s the emotional damage we’re discussing today, but just remember that as an Alpha Male 2.0 with an OLTR marriage, you are light-years ahead of all the morons who are marrying women legally, with no enforceable prenuptial agreements, no separation of finances, and a full expectation of 100% sexual monogamy from both partners forever. (Jesus.) These men are absolutely fucked, regardless of ex-Alpha or ex-PUA status. So just be glad you aren’t one of those idiots.
As most of you know, I have already volunteered myself as a guinea pig for OLTR marriage, having been married to Pink Firefly under an OLTR marriage for about a year and a half now. Since I know that women are biologically designed to leave men eventually, I set my goals for this marriage accordingly. I described these goals for this relationship in great detail here. I strongly suggest you read that article because it relates directly to this topic.
Before I get into more detail about what I’m doing now regarding these mindsets, I should cover what I originally did with this back in the day.
After my beta male divorce so many years ago, I went through the same thought process many of you did. As a man over age 35, I wanted to eventually be with a woman in some kind of long-term, live-in relationship or marriage (only after taking a few years and having tons of sex with hot younger women, of course, which I did; it was a phase I needed to go through).
But I also knew that women don’t work that way. That women are biologically designed to eventually get bored with you (if you’re a beta) or get frustrated with you (if you’re an Alpha). If we lived in an oppressive, unfree, religious society, like America of the 1950s or Saudi Arabia of today, women would be prevented from doing this. But since we live in the left-wing, collapsing Western world today, women can and do take advantage of this in great numbers.
The delusional right-wingers want to go back to that kind of oppressive society, but, back when I was mentally examining these thoughts around 2009, I knew that because of George W. Bush (and now Donald Trump) the right had gone just as insane as the left had always been. This fantasy patriarchy of the right-wing is never going to return to the West in any meaningful way culturally or economically, as I’ve described at my blogs many times. (Just wait and see what happens to all of these irrational Trump supporters when a socialist becomes president of the USA in the next few years. I thought America was going to be “great again?”)
Since the outside world wasn’t going to help me (and this is usually the case, so get used to it), this meant that I had to re-orienting my thinking, or least redefining what “success” with women in the long-term meant to me.
I knew that freedom was, and always will be, my number one goal in life. More than love, more than ego, more than social acceptance, more even than money, I wanted freedom. Love and money and all that stuff was (and still is) very important as well, but freedom was number one for me. It had to be. True masculine happiness is impossible without it.
Therefore, I asked myself this question: If, for the rest of my life, I never had a relationship with a woman that lasted longer than three years, could I handle that?
Not, was that ideal? Not even was it probable? Just, could I handle that? In other words, could I still be happy long-term in my life if I knew I could never have a consistent, romantic relationship with a woman that lasted longer than three years?
I didn’t have an immediate answer. I had to think on it for a few days. Then one day, my mind came up with the response: yes. Yes, I could still be happy if I never had a relationship with a woman that lasted longer than three years. Again, it wouldn’t be optimal, but I would still be happy. I still wanted a relationship that lasted much longer than three years, but I knew that if I never had that, I’d still be okay.
And I was right; more right than I realized.
After making that self-realization, I indeed had several relationships with several women that lasted much longer than three years! I’m talking about a real consistent relationship that was well past three years with no LSNFTEs or breaks. So my entire self-imposed limit of “three years” turned out to be completely false!
I started thinking, “Well, shit, if I can make something last four or five or six years, I should be able to do something that lasts at least 10 years, considering all of this relationship knowledge and experience I now have.”
10 years still wasn’t forever. I still had not been snagged by a bunch of right-wing Christian Guy-Disney bullshit about marrying a virgin or whatetever. But 10 years was still a very long time, and it was very achievable.
Then several years later, I met Pink Firefly. She was an FB for about a year, then we didn’t see each other for a year, then we resumed as MLTRs, then our feelings for each other blossomed in a big way, she checked all the boxes I had for a wife (what few there were), so I had the OLTR Talk with her. She actually survived it, and I made the upgrade to OLTR complete, with the goal of getting an OLTR marriage. And today, here we are.
How I Handle This Now
So now I need to circle this all the way back to today.
One of the things I said in this article about my objectives with my OLTR marriage to PF is that if I remained married (meaning living together in the same home and still happy with each other) for 10 years, I will consider that a smashing success even if we got divorced the very next year. I also said that if we got divorced between 4-10 years, it would be a moderate success and if we got divorced in under 4 years, it would be a complete failure.
Therefore, my goal is to get PF and I to that magical four-year mark where we are not only still living together but also still very happy with each other. Once we hit that benchmark, I can take a little sigh of relief knowing we’ve gotten out of that “failure zone.” We’re at 1.5 years right now and still doing very well, with just 2.5 to go, so I think our odds of hitting 4 years happy is very good (easily over 80%).
Once that’s done, my goal will be to get another six years of happy marriage to reach that magical ten-year mark. If we get there, I will be ultra-happy and having a non-monogamous, happy marriage reach ten years in today’s era will be one of the greatest accomplishments of my entire life (and Pink Firefly’s too!).
Will we make it to ten years? I don’t know; you’ll just have to keep reading this blog and see. But we’re both capable people, we’re both committed to this goal, and most importantly, we are actually utilizing a model that actually can work instead of the you’d-better-not-ever-touch-anyone-else-for-the-rest-of-your-fucking-life-or-else-we’re-done! model that we know for a fact can’t work for the vast majority of healthy human beings in the modern, Western world regardless of how smart or experienced or Alpha or Christian they are.
Lastly, we come to abundance mentality, a core concept of long-term happiness. The opposite of oneitis is to always know, in your core, that if the current woman doesn’t work out, there are several hundred women just as hot, smart, fun, sexual, and engaging as her right around the (metaphorical) corner who would be happy to be with you.
If PF and I parted ways, would I be sad? Sure, for a little while. I love her very much, and it would indeed be a loss I would feel.
Would I be depressed? Would I be miserable? Would look back on our time together as “wasted?” Would view our marriage as some kind of “investment” where I “lost?”
If we make it to at least four years (just 2.5 more), nope. Not in the least. I would feel sad for a little bit, then I would redeploy all those hours per week I was spending with her and put them into my Mission while still having sex with my FBs, then over time, get an MLTR or two, then several years later, perhaps upgrade one of them to OLTR, and try again some time in my 50s. Remember, if an OLTR fails there is zero financial or sexual damage unlike with traditional monogamous marriage, so failure in an OLTR is light-years away from typical dumbasses who go through traditional divorces and custody battles.
So that’s why I don’t really have this fear of emotional loss…
1. I don’t expect Disney and understand how humans operate in the real world.
2. I know I’ll be truly happy with or without a long-term, serious relationship with a woman.
3. I only utilize systems that won’t damage my life if there is a breakup or divorce. (OLTR rather than traditional monogamous marriage.)
4. I do my absolute best to stay with the person I’m with, put in that time, and work with her collaboratively so we’re both putting in the effort.
5. I have massive abundance mentality about other women and other opportunities in my life if it doesn’t work out.
Again, that’s me, you may be different. Perhaps nothing I’ve said has helped and you’re still terrified. But I have a feeling I’ve helped at least a little.