Time Management When Dating – Part 2
This article is a follow-up to the popular Time Management When Dating article I wrote last year. Please take a look at that if you have not yet, because that one leads right into this one. (I will also ignore any comments with questions already answered in that prior article.)
I have been a time management consultant for many years. Running three companies, I almost need to be. That last article listed the specific time management techniques you should employ to fit your woman life into your already busy life. This assumes you have a busy life and you’re not one of those guys who sit around all day smoking weed, playing video games, or jerking off to porn. (If you’re one of those, you have an entirely different set of much more serious problems.)
Today, I’m talking to guys who are already legitimately busy with other life areas. I’ve spoken with hundreds of you (as well as hundreds of my clients in the corporate world) and these are the common examples with men:
- You’re really into fitness and are in the gym for hours a day, most days of the week.
- You travel all the time because you need to for work.
- You travel all the time because you’re a digital nomad or other type of location-independent guy.
- You’re married (OLTR marriage or, god forbid, monogamous). (Common addition to this: your wife runs your life and/or you’re in the middle of temporary New Marriage NRE and/or you’re too comfortable so you don’t feel the need to go out to perform dating activities.)
- You’re a single dad with kids you see regularly, or who live with you.
- You’re really into a sport (baseball, MMA, whatever) and are involved in it several times a week.
- You have a horribly long weekly work schedule (50+ hours a week or more).
- You have a serious health problem that requires daily or weekly time to manage.
- You have oneitis for a particular woman who is Not Like The Rest™ whom you allow to consume most of your free time. (i.e. you’re a pussy)
- You’re one of these high-action, low-analysis extroverts who say yes to everything and thus have a constantly full and chaotic schedule because of it.
- You’ve just started a new business (hopefully an Alpha 2.0 one) and are totally focused on that.
- You’re like me, in that you have tons of things in multiple life areas constantly going all the time (business, women, family, travel, fitness, etc) all of which are pretty important to you so your life is already “full.”
All of these factors, plus many more, come into play when you are developing a time management plan to ensure your woman life runs smoothly, with all the sex you need, and with all the women you need to make you happy but no more.
Here are the things the busy man needs to do to ensure long-term consistent happiness with the woman side of his life.
1. Determine your minimums.
This is critical and you must do this first. The number of men who have not done this in the manosphere / red pill / PUA world is shocking, and it’s causing a lot of problems.
You must sit down with your computer (or a piece of paper if you’re old-school) and write out exactly what your sexual and relationship minimums are.
Not what you want. Not what your eventual goal is. Not what would be ideal. Those things are important too, but you’ll get to those later. Right now we’re trying to build a time management plan that will get the job done now.
Write down the minimum sexual and/or relationship activities you require for your baseline of happiness. In The Unchained Man, I talk about the Alpha Male 2.0 sexual baseline minimums, which are:
1. The ability to have sex with at least two new women within 30 days whom you consider at least cute.
2. Having sex on a regular, ideally weekly basis.
These are good, and these are indeed minimum long-term baselines, but I’m talking here about your minimums right now.
To use myself as an example, as I’ve said many times, my absolute minimum is to have sex at least three times a week (on average) without having to promise any one woman monogamy. That’s my minimum. Not my ideal, but my minimum. (My ideal is what I have now; a smokin’ hot OLTR wife in my age range and several hot, young FBs on the side whenever I want, but it took me several years to put all of that together.)
So my minimum is just about sex, which means if I had two FBs providing that sex three times a week, that would be fine.
Your minimum might be different. Maybe you have a lower sex drive than me (most men do). Maybe your minimum is sex once a week. That’s fine. If you’re sure that’s what it really is and you’re not bullshitting yourself or rationalizing your laziness, then great, put that down.
Maybe you’re a more emotional or connected guy than me. Maybe you need sex at least twice a week but you want at least one of these women to be in an emotional, connected relationship with you. In that case, you’d state “sex twice a week from at least two women but at least one of this is an MLTR). Not ideal in my opinion because of this, but again, we’re not talking about ideal here, just minimums right now.
Now that you’ve defined your minimums, all you need to do is to put in the minimum time required to hit those minimums, and no more. This is often a revelation to a lot of guys. You may realize that your minimums are much lower than you thought. With all this crazy shit in the manosphere and on Instagram and so forth, you might be thinking you need to have a harem of five or six supermodels in order to be “successful.” And if that’s your eventual goal, that’s fine, but I’m sure that isn’t your baseline minimum. One or two cute girls are probably all you need at the moment (though I could be wrong; every man is different).
2. Maybe this isn’t the time to focus on your woman life.
Now that you’ve defined your minimums, you may find that you already have them in place(!). Remember, if you’re really busy, the minimums are all you need right now. You may determine that, for right now, you need to focus on some other goals. Maybe you need to get your new location independent consulting business started. Maybe you need to focus on losing 40 pounds. Maybe you need to spend the next three months studying hard for that certification you really need to hit your business or career goals. Maybe a loved one just came down with cancer and you need to focus on them for a few weeks.
As I’ve talked about before, there have been many times throughout my life where I put my woman life on the back burner so I could focus on other critical areas of my life that needed my time, usually my business/financial life. This is perfectly fine as long as you’ve met your minimums.
I do not recommend this “monk mode” bullshit where you just don’t have sex for a year while you build your business or whatever. Jesus fuck. I did that shit way back in my early twenties and it was a serious mistake. No, you need to have sex at least occasionally, as I talked about here. Get one or two distant FBs, get laid at least a few times a month, then forget about any woman life improvements for now and get to work.
3. You MUST give something up temporarily.
I mentioned this in part one of this article but I need to be more specific here. If you haven’t yet met your minimums or you’ve decided to focus on the woman side of your life right now and get really good at it, then if you’re a busy guy, you MUST temporarily back off on one or more areas. You MUST do this. You can’t do it all.
If you spend two hours a day in the gym six days a week, temporarily back it down to one hour three days a week so you can maintain. And before you say it, no, you won’t lose any muscle mass by doing this, so spare me the bullshit excuses.
If you have a woman who you’re seeing more than once a week (which is a direct violation of the Cardinal Rules so you shouldn’t be doing this anyway unless she’s an OLTR), knock it down to once a week so you can focus on getting some more women (or better women) and/or improve your dating skills. If she really bitches about it, you know what to do: instant soft next! Once you’ve mastered all the woman skills you want, then you can settle down (literally or figuratively) with an OLTR if you want, but now is not the time!
You get the idea. Remember, this is temporary only! In six or twelve months or whatever, you can shift back to this activity if you wish.
4. Focus on one game style.
I’ve said this many times before so I’ll just summarize it. Pick ONE style of game to focus and get good at. Night game, daygame, online dating, social circle game, I don’t care which one it is, just pick ONE and focus on ONE. Don’t try to do two or three of these unless you’re already a master of at least one of them.
Mastery is about focus. It’s not about spreading your energies all over the place.
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