As I’ve have written about extensively in my business content, in every area of life there are always 5 – 7 skills you must master (or at least achieve competency with) in order to be successful in that area. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about business, dating, gardening, or auto repair; there are almost always 5 – 7 things you must get good at in order to be successful in these areas.

Online dating is no different. There are five specific skills you must learn in order to ensure you can schedule first dates with women you find at least cute (using my four-level attractiveness scale of ugly, average, cute, or hot).

If you can’t schedule dates online, or you can only schedule them with women you find ugly or average, that means you are lacking in one or more of these skills. Knowing what these skills are will help identify where you need to bolster your efforts.

One clarification needed! As always, when I say “online dating,” I’m only referring to the online portion of the interaction. Online dating, as I use the term, begins when you sign up on a dating site or app and then ends the split second you walk into the bar or coffee shop to meet up with that woman in real life. At that point, online dating is over and real-life game begins. Getting laid via online dating requires online dating skill and real-life dating skill. (For you touchy Thrill of the Hunt types, you’re right, it’s still not a cold approach, so in the past I’ve called it “dating game” for lack of a better term.)

This breakdown is represented in my overall dating system chart here:

So here are the five master skills you must learn for online dating, that is, your ability to use dating sites / apps to schedule first dates with women you find at least cute whenever you need to.

They are listed in no particular order, since they are all required.

1. Photo Skill

Notice I said “photo skill” and not “photography.” I don’t know shit about photography. I just know how to construct a photo that makes me look as good as humanly possible without actually having to Photoshop it. That’s what photo skill is.

Having good photo skill means you know how to have photos with the best colors, clothing and background for you (since every guy is different in this regard). It means you know how to stand, sit, or pose. It means you know what lighting and depth of field is best for your face and body. It also means you know how to best construct your photos to reflect your ideal persona, as I describe in detail in The Ultimate Online Dating Manual.

Photo skill is absolutely critical to online dating and you will get nowhere without it. Even many good-looking guys get murdered with online dating because their photos suck.

2. Profile Writing

This is much less important than it used to be, since on many swipe apps lots of women won’t even look at your written profile and will instead decide to respond to your swipe/opener based on your photos alone (and the younger she is, the more this tends to be true). It’s still important though, since many women do read profiles, or at least glance at them looking for red flags.

Being good at profile writing means you can write an online dating profile that doesn’t piss her off (by being too controversial or assholeish), turn her off (by acting too intellectual or nerdy; a huge problem with guys online), spike ASD (by being too sexual or too playerish in the profile), or bore her (more an issue with younger girls).

Doing any one of these things will instantly terminate an interested woman even if she liked your photos. This means you must write to avoid these problems. That’s what profile writing is all about.

3. Online Communication

Online communication skill is similar to real-life communication skill except the margin for error is lower. You can fuck up a little on a real-life first date by saying something stupid or weird, but if you do this while communicating to a woman on a dating site/app, you may lose her instantly.

Thus, online communication skill is about being friendly but not boring, aggressive but not ASD spiking, funny but not silly or immature, and extremely outcome independent. Failure to do any one of those things, and you’re done.

Writing paragraphs of text to her? Too needy and outcome dependent.

Telling her she should come over to your place right now? You just spiked her ASD.

Asking her a bunch of “job interview” questions? Boring as fuck.

You just need to be a chill, cool, outcome independent guy who’s going to communicate with her until you make the date pitch. Speaking of which…

4. Closing

Closing means you pitch the real-life date, correctly, at the right time, and lay the logistical foundations so that it has the highest odds of actually occurring.

You don’t want to pitch the date too soon (common problem with guys on swipe apps) or pitch it too late (common problem with guys on online dating sites).

You also need to pitch it in a very safe, no-big-deal way. The guy who wants her to come right over for sex fails here, just like the beta male who invites her out for a classy, 1950s dinner date. Both of these are high-pressure offers and are not good ideas (unless you’re choosing to do something very different outside of my system).

Once she agrees, you also need to make sure the logistics are in place. You’ll need her phone number and vice versa. You’ll need her to double-check the time so she didn’t forget about some other commitment. You’ll need to ensure the place you’re going is actually going to be open when you guys meet there, and so on.

Closing is critical! Too many guys screw this up!

5. Follow-Up

Too many guys think that once the date is scheduled and agreed to, your job is done, and all you need to do is just show up.

Ha HA! Ohhhhhhhh no, no, no, no. We’re talking about women here. Women are flakey as fuck, and that includes older women and more intelligent women, by the way. Flakiness is part of being a woman like horniness is part of being a man; it’s built into the biology (unfortunately).

It’s your job to follow up with her as many times as is needed (based on how long it will be until you actually have your first date/meet). This ensures that the first date will have the highest odds of actually occurring.

If you’re good at follow-up, even if she cancels or reschedules, you can likely still meet up and have sex. I’ve had many women reschedule or cancel first dates with me who ended up as long-term FBs or MLTRs.

There you have it, the five skills you must have in order to schedule first dates with cute women whenever you want.

If this article is popular I may do this “The 5 Skills You Must Master For…” structure for other areas (such as real life game, relationship management, Alpha 2.0 businesses, etc).

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37 Comments on “The 5 Skills You Must Master For Online Dating

  1. I think the one I’m lacking the most is photo skills. How can I improve in this area? I even paid for a professional studio to take pictures of me and I still think the results were not very good.

    Is there any advice on how to look better on pictures, appart from what you write in your Online Dating book?

    Btw, I think this format is very interesting, I’d definitely like to see more articles like this one in the future.

  2. Find someone that is decent with photography, use an iPad (takes the best pictures as the preview is big. Shoot 500+!!! pictures and make sure that the person taking the pictures knows you well. Sleep well the day before, have several changes of clothes with you, play your favourite music, you can be shy at the beginning but you will get into it. Show who you are not what and who you are not. Photoshop editing is a plus. Yes, makeup for guys is ok – needs a bit of practice. YouTube is your friend. Or a makeup artist….

  3. Yeah i’m terrible at #1 and #2 but fortunately it has never hurt me in a way that bothers me.  I’m probably not alone for guys over 40.  I just took as good of pictures as I could and went at it and since it worked out I never felt the need to upgrade.  I probably miss out on more top 1 percenters but I find they’re more difficult all around anyways.  On average take longer to get out due to all the messages they get and more difficult once you do.  At least anyone over say 38.  I just use every platform, hit on women out and about, and kill it in person.  I schedule about 3-4 dates a week and talk to about 15+ women at a time without great pics.  But I agree if you’re having issues with online dating its going to be in one of those areas.  Don’t make excuses and improve..

  4. I like the format.

    Could you do “The 5 – 7 Skills you need for non-mono relationships”?

  5. Five skills, and a major attitude update. I obey the fuck out of Rules 1 & 2, but struggle online. I have a massive block: Every woman who has taken me home for the night, every near seduction, had an air of inevitability about it. The near misses were women I failed to escalate on or who had boyfriends, but were clearly otherwise down to fuck. I have had VYW invite my drunk ass to their places. I should slay, sober.

    Point is, though, that while women love sex as much as men, I think they can also take it or leave it better than men can (I think the “cock carousel” is a thing, but vastly overblown). I think there is a switch, and when the switch is turned to on, it’s on. I have turned on a woman, failed to escalate enough, and found out she fucked another guy that night. When it’s on, it’s on, and rightly so, no reason to hate on women for being humans with healthy sex drives.

    I admit I step on my dick more than probably all other hardcore BD fans…..and should probably date some of the 33+’s throwing themselves at me on OKC….just for experience, time management no longer matters for now….strategic goals are more important.

    So this is my major hang up with online dating, and I could be entirely wrong about it. As BD says, the online part stops as soon as you set eyes on one another. Does the interaction change? I just can’t get it out of my head that much of online dating is….not quite groveling, but lacking in the ability to stoke that unconscious hungry female desire that demands satisfaction (that I’ve experienced enough to never fuck a whore).

    A minor hang up is just going for what one wants. The overt shift from following a feminine imperative to looking to pull good girls/women into MLTR‘s while they date around looking for what they want long term (regardless of their probability of success) is actually non-trivial. Typical smart male talking here, stepping on his own dick and not fucking women who are desperate for a good dicking down regardless of what they write in their profiles.

  6. Good post BD.

    I’m often amazed at the quality of photo’s, women use on sites. For every women who’s made an effort to take some decent, up-to-date photos in a variety of situations/locations, there’s a dozen profiles of women who just take a couple of some half-hearted selfies in the bathroom mirror which does them no favours.

    Number five is interesting. I tend to use the minimalist approach i.e. after I’ve pitched the date and time I just leave it (if the date is within a few days) and then just ping a text on the day, saying I’ll be five minutes late (no apology) and then see what her reply is. If she just replies confirming the new time, then great! It also weeds out the time wasters who wouldn’t have shown up, as they’ll reply with some half hearted excuse cancelling.

    If the date is over a weeks time, I’ll just send a fun photo or gif about a subject she’s mentioned, a few days before. Again they’ll mostly reply confirming the date but again if they have genuinely forgot or something has arisen, they can suggest another day.

  7. All are excellent advice, BD, and my time spent on-line dating confirmed those needed skills. A couple important add-ons:

    -First date reschedule rule. How many do you personally allow? For me, the woman gets one reschedule of a first date with a reasonable excuse. If her excuse is BS, or she cancels without a proposed reschedule, next her. A reasonable excuse and reschedule is something like, “my babysitter is sick. Can we reschedule for Sat?”.  No problem. “My gf just broke up with her bf and is really upset. I need to cancel tonight but really want to see you.” Next.  I never violated this rule and had a first date work out well.

    -What is the ideal time interval between pitching a date and the actual date? I generally tried to keep it under a week. Women who are online dating have so many men pursuing them, if it’s longer than a week lag, she can literally forget who you are or will be diverted by a shiny new object before you actually meet. In military terms I learned, keep the “flash to bang time” short.

     

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  9. What is the ideal time interval between pitching a date and the actual date?

    Ideal is for them to come right over to your house and immediately start fucking you.  That’s ideal..  seriously, I pitch that very night all the time.  Then I fuck her the next night. sometimes they go for it and sometimes they agree to the next night.  Sometimes they make me wait a week.  But they’re always turned on that you’re that anxious to get a whiff..  that you actually have the balls to go for that night.  And many times I’m fucking girls on Tuesday (who I talked to on Monday) who already had weekend dates lined up. Anyways, squeaky wheel gets the grease.

  10. you guys have way more patience than i do. a week of dealing with women on online dating apps and im ready to commit to mgtow. if youre going to do it might as well do it right though . personally i would rather spend the time in my shop, working out or whatever. i think theres a few bucks to be made by handling all this for guys. let me know when i have a date and when is my next payment due?

  11. Wow you guys really like this format. Cool; I’ll do more of them.

    Is there any advice on how to look better on pictures, appart from what you write in your Online Dating book?

    That book is pretty comprehensive so I’m not sure what more you could possibly want. It covers literally everything on that topic. I have a feeling you’re just not doing it all.

    Could you do more “5-7 Key Skills for xyz” Posts?

    Yes. 🙂

    Could you do “The 5 – 7 Skills you need for non-mono relationships”?

    Yes. 🙂

    So this is my major hang up with online dating, and I could be entirely wrong about it. As BD says, the online part stops as soon as you set eyes on one another. Does the interaction change?

    Your frame doesn’t change but a lot of the techniques certainly do.

    I’ve met many guys who could schedule first dates like a machine but almost never got laid. They had online skills but their real-life dating skill sucked.

    First date reschedule rule. How many do you personally allow?

    Usually two.

    What is the ideal time interval between pitching a date and the actual date?

    As soon as humanly possible. The ultimate ideal is later that same evening. Next best is the very next day. Next best is 2 days out, and so on.

    Your personal stuffs great. All the time deal with it up!

    Thanks man.

    you guys have way more patience than i do. a week of dealing with women on online dating apps and im ready to commit to mgtow. if youre going to do it might as well do it right though . personally i would rather spend the time in my shop, working out or whatever.

    As long as you’re getting laid with at least two women on a semi-regular basis whom you find attractive, that’s fine, you can work in your shop all you want. The problem comes when someone has that above attitude and they’re not getting laid (read: angry MGTOW).

  12. Good advice here. A couple photo related points I’ve always found prominent in men’s online profiles:

    Smile in at least one photo. Too many guys think they look tough when they’re mean mugging the camera. It just makes them look grumpy.

    Also, have one photo without your hat or shades on. They want to see you for who you really are.

  13. What about platform selection?  That should be on the list too!  OK Cupid used to be really great, now that they changed the messaging system it’s pretty useless.  It will also very by city.  What platforms do you recommend?

  14. Would really love to see a continued series of the recent “How Would An Alpha 2.0 Respond”. That too was a GREAT post BD!!

  15. Does the interaction change?

    Yes of course it becomes seduction. Don’t waste your time seducing a woman Over text rhatvyou haven’t already slept with.. that’s for virgins..

    Date… Eye contact, flirting, kino, and escalation.. bd has articles on it..  specifically kino..  kino or touching turns women on if you do it right and it’s combined with frame, listening to them yammer on, flirting, being a gentleman (older women), smelling good, looking good, smiling, making them laugh, and etc.. but kino greases the wheel. Have to get close enough of course to do that and you can’t do that sitting on the other side of a booth..

  16. Smile in at least one photo. Too many guys think they look tough when they’re mean mugging the camera. It just makes them look grumpy.

    Depends on the guy. Some guys look legit stupid or beta when they smile.

    I agree they should not look angry though.

    Also, have one photo without your hat or shades on. They want to see you for who you really are.

    Correct. Having shades or a hat in all of your photos is a mistake.

    What about platform selection?  That should be on the list too!

    That’s not a skill. Get get on all the sites/apps that work in your area, and get on as many as you can.

    OK Cupid used to be really great, now that they changed the messaging system it’s pretty useless.

    Yep. Discussed that already here several times.

    It will also very by city.  What platforms do you recommend?

    It varies per region and what you’re looking for, but speaking very generally, if you’re the typical American dating within your age range, you should at least be on Tinder, Bumble, OKC, POF, plus 1-3 more depending on your city.

    I’ve got a post coming up about this that will go into more detail.

    Would really love to see a continued series of the recent “How Would An Alpha 2.0 Respond”. That too was a GREAT post BD!!

    Will do.

  17. I know nothing about photography (although I think I’m OK with colours and know what colours I look best in).

    The best photos I’ve had have been taken by a friend who’s good at photography (though not a professional) and was happy enough to oblige. We were away for a weekend and he took lots of photos, some posed, others not, and a few when I wasn’t expecting them. The best ones of me in non-serious mode were when I was smiling or even laughing naturally at something; the posed ones of me smiling just made me look half-witted or half-drunk.

  18. I have found that one way to figure out what outfits or style to use for your photos is to do a real world test on various outfits or styles.

    Take a few days (including weekends) and try out different styles both during your daily life and also at night. During the day go to high traffic areas like city center, take the train or bus, take a walk in the malls during lunch or after work or class etc, then see which outfits get the most female attention.

    Then you take photos using these outfits and you will get a better response. What men may assume is a good outfit or style is probably not what women are in to.

    Also, nowadays apps like tinder publish articles of the most swiped profiles. Some of these guys have public Instagram pages and you can take a leaf from their style and poses.

  19. OK Cupid used to be really great, now that they changed the messaging system it’s pretty useless.

    Yep. Discussed that already here several times.

    Can you please post the link of where this was talked about??

  20. @Mike… It sounds good to do, though what if a guy never gets any looks his way in the first place? I honestly cannot recall a single time when a women made eye-contact/gestured/looked at me in a seemingly flirting way, this includes the times out at bars/clubs. It’s weird too because I don’t think i’m ugly and have always been in decent shape, in fact I feel in better shape than the majority out there. I agree though if doing cold approach, that a guy should look for inviting signs from women before approaching otherwise he’ll most likely just be wasting time on dead leads.

  21. @Andy Most female ioi’s on the street are so subtle that the majority of men would miss them. It can sometimes be a half smile or a fraction of a side wards glance. Guys expecting women to look at them for several seconds or Give them a sly smile as they walk by are going to be sorely disappointed.

    This is why you should approach any women you find attractive as if you wait for the ‘perfect ioi’ your going to be waiting a long time.

    I’d agree on the ioi’s for fashion. In places like London, New York, Tokyo where a lot of guys dress well, your not likely to notice any positive looks.

    However if you live in a small city or town, where most guys dress unimaginatively in jeans/T-shirt’s/trainers then you may get some response.

  22. Most female ioi’s on the street are so subtle that the majority of men would miss them. It can sometimes be a half smile or a fraction of a side wards glance

    This.

    Hell, I’m 5’7, average face (or worse), and balding…and I get a bunch of IOI’s.

    I dress well and I’m fit, so that helps.

    First thing to check if you dont get IOI’s is your body language. I’ve been called intimidating a LOT in my life and I’m NOT a big guy…it’s all body language.

    Women flirt more subtly, which means they also pickup more on subtle cues like body language.

    Also, make sure your shoe game is on point. I’ve had lots of women open me with compliments on my shoes (still kills me that shoes can get me laid haha)

  23. @Mike… It sounds good to do, though what if a guy never gets any looks his way in the first place? I honestly cannot recall a single time when a women made eye-contact/gestured/looked at me in a seemingly flirting way, this includes the times out at bars/clubs. It’s weird too because I don’t think i’m ugly and have always been in decent shape, in fact I feel in better shape than the majority out there.

    Try and get a wing to go out and hang out with. I found a lot of time women will check you out or stare at you when you’re not looking. A lot of women don’t want to be too obvious for preservation of their ego.

    I agree though if doing cold approach, that a guy should look for inviting signs from women before approaching otherwise he’ll most likely just be wasting time on dead leads.

    Then it’s not doing cold approach. Cold approach means no signs, you just approach because you find her sexy/cute/interesting. Warm approach means you have eye contact or other ioi’s. Warm approach obviously has a higher rate of success.

    On the other hand women will be more impressed with cold approach because it takes more balls. They will always remember how you came out of nowhere and swept them off their feet. Trick is you have to be “in state” on these type of approaches. Meaning you have to be relatively high energy, irrationally confident, and genuinely excited to see them and talk to them without appearing needy; not very easy to pull off obviously. I remember hearing a pua from back in the day who would tell women that “they looked fucking delicious.” You have to not give a fuck and give off certain vibe, which obviously is hard to if you’re not getting laid.

  24. Then it’s not doing cold approach. Cold approach means no signs, you just approach because you find her sexy/cute/interesting. Warm approach means you have eye contact or other ioi’s. Warm approach obviously has a higher rate of success.

    Of course your definitions are spot on. Still, I’m reminded of GLL and his description of his buddy Skotty. Skotty would pull almost every time he hit on a girl, much to the consternation of GLL, until the secret came out: Skotty would only approach women who eye fucked him. If you’re good enough looking cold approach seems silly.

    OK Cupid used to be really great, now that they changed the messaging system it’s pretty useless.

    Yep. Discussed that already here several times.

    I signed up again….I don’t get it, I clicked on “like” on a profile and there was a button to allow me to message. What’s the problem here? (outside of all the post wall cat colonists lol)

    Date… Eye contact, flirting, kino, and escalation.. bd has articles on it..  specifically kino..  kino or touching turns women on if you do it right and it’s combined with frame, listening to them yammer on, flirting, being a gentleman (older women), smelling good, looking good, smiling, making them laugh, and etc.. but kino greases the wheel. Have to get close enough of course to do that and you can’t do that sitting on the other side of a booth..

    Definitely. Child’s play, in fact. In my life, it’s either been strike outs or home runs….I have few base hits. I guess once you get them in meat space, normality takes over.

    Edit: ah, I see the link. That was a great post, good companion to this.

     

  25. I have few base hits.

    Women are hard to read so I just assume it’s a success and I’m usually right.  I classify a success as she loved the date and wants to see me again.  Summer of 2017 I thought I had a strike out with this girl.  I grabbed her when I shouldn’t have, it was too early (virgin move for 2nd date).  She had me pressed against a car and our hands where all over each other already so I didn’t really see it as a problem.  Anyways she freaked and sped off.  She wasn’t upset just freaked out by the fact she wanted me to fuck her already on a 2nd date but her ASD (early 40’s i think) kicked in and she ended up going back to her bf.  She actually called last night telling me all she should could think about was me making her cum and asked to meet up for a drink.  Her and her bff broke up.  I haven’t talked to her in months and never went out with her again after the time I fucked up.  She still thinks about how turned on she was over a year later and I can pretty much have her anytime her and bf breaks up.  Looked like a strikeout but that was a nice double even though nothing happened other than making out that night.  So I don’t stress it.  Put in the work and just relax..  Women are thirsty af for the guys who know what they’re doing.

  26. Hey BD, good list.

    I would add one thing that is a big component to my success online : mapping out a “conversation flow” for every possibility (for me this does not quite fit into the “online communication” part you describe).

    Basically, I have a killer opener with a very good rate of reply, and with experience I managed to have messages for almost all the replies I get (the replies are all generally the same) very well crafted also. I live in a big city, so I could experiment for a few weeks, to see which messages worked best since there are a lot of girls on Tinder.

    I have all those messages on the notepad function of my phone (where the copied bits of text go), so that I can reply quickly. With this whole conversation flow mapped out, I get the girl’s number quickly and frequently. Once texting, I also have a loser flow mapped out, including funny images, to bring me to the date.

    This has really changed the game for me, now I have more first dates than slots on my agenda!

    After that, the key for success for me is simply time management : trying to schedule first dates with free time in between them, where I can schedule second dates. Following your 2 dates model is great, but about 30% of the time I go for the 1st date lay (knowing it will cost me more time on the first date, but also taking care of the headache of scheduling second dates quickly after the first, I feel like in big cities everyone is super busy all the time, and it is harder to get a hold of people).

     

  27. My photo rules for dating apps :

    – First one is a close-up of your face, in the best way possible (best lighting, hair cut, facial expression). Take a lot of selfies just to check which facial expression is the best, go have a hair cut (don’t be cheap) and then go to a professional photographer for this one. Use kind of a hipster/cool one, not a boring/wedding type

    After that in no order :

    – One in a WELL FITTED suit or dress shirt (weddings you attend are great for this)
    – If you lift weight and are reasonably low body-fat (which you SHOULD), a candid picture with your shirt off (at the beach for example, better if the photo is taken during the “golden hour”). This must NOT look forced or awkward.
    – One with your buddies, having fun (this is where you can have a goofy pic). I personally have one that combines the point above : me in a pool with a girl on my shoulders looking like we are having fun. This is a GREAT set-up. And another one with my buddies dressed in ridiculous hallooween costumes.
    – Only one or two travel pics, your very best ones.

    I would not put any sport picture, unless you look really good in it (in most sports you have to wear bad looking uniforms/equipments and can look sweaty/bad). Same with any sort of unique “hobby” you have.

    This is all based on my experience, and the feedback of tons of chicks (when I sleep with a girl from Tinder, I almost always talk about the app with her, ask her about my profile, those of other guys etc.)

    For the first two ones, a good thing to do is using a camera/lens which leaves the background blurry/out of focus. The latest iPhones do that (they actually are great cameras).

    Also, I think that many guys actually do not know what good pictures look like. If that is your case, go to the Instagram of hot/popular girls you know and take notes, they are MASTERS at taking flattering pictures.

  28. A photo like this one would tick most of the points: https://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2017/08/31/where-to-play-beach-volleyball-in-southern-california/

  29. First thing to check if you dont get IOI’s is your body language. I’ve been called intimidating a LOT in my life and I’m NOT a big guy…it’s all body language.

    I’m a big guy. Probably intimidating. But what’s the problem? I thought women liked big, dominant men? Where is the line between “confident” and “intimidating/scary”?

  30. I’m a big guy. Probably intimidating. But what’s the problem? I thought women liked big, dominant men?

    Many women prefer bigger guys and many don’t..  in the end it doesn’t matter what women say they like.  I have a tendency to be very harsh, blunt, and scary.  I grew up in one of the roughest areas in the country so it’s just natural thing for me.  So I add in some sweetness, humor, looseness, charm, and kindness to soften my overly cocky and confident approach on dates.  You won’t lose any of your frame.  Women like a range in men.  It’s unusual in men and it confuses them.

  31. Could you please briefly go over again how many photos, and the variety/types of photos?

    My main question is this: a guy can get great professional photos, but does he still have to have one or two photos out socializing, doing some activity, etc., which a random person (or someone in your group of friends) would have had to have snapped?

    The people I hang out with, do hobbies with, aren’t the snapshot, selfie-taking type, also I’m not photogenic, so even if I’m in a snapshot doing something interesting or in a group of friends, I usually look like shit. So it’s the latter type of non-professional photo that is really difficult for me to achieve.

    Or can you just do with all professional photos and skip the non-professional snaps? (provided the photographer was skilled in making your photos seem natural, and not too slick or try-hard).

    Thanks!

     

     

     

  32. I like the article, but a key skill could be Selection/Realistic Approach. That was my biggest mistake for awhile and one I see many, many guys (and a few girls) make with online dating. They typically try for a month or two and then huff “I can’t find anybody I like” or “all the messages I get are from losers/fat chicks” and give up. I guess maybe that’d fall under ‘online communication’ since you select who you try for?

    It goes back to the old adage that “the best looking guys are going to get the hottest women, the rest of us just have to pay more.” Sexual Market Value (looks/assets/game) is what matters. That doesn’t change in day, night, or online game. Looks are even more pivotal online since she has 1000 choices at her fingertips. Maxing out SMV and being realistic is a main key to dating success and efficiency. 90% of women will care the most about looks, 5% provider hunter or “settle down” women will still care mainly about looks but more about assets, and the 5% sugar babies will care about money with looks secondary. It has been well established that being shorter, uglier, etc as a man needs serious financial success to counteract it in the dating world. That is the whole premise for sugar daddy.

    I still think online dating is not a game where you can make up for lack of SMV just by being on more dating apps, messaging more women, etc. Game is merely the ability to impress and seduce and retain women in your league (similar SMV). It doesn’t transcend that, though. If your photos don’t pass the sniff test with women you are targeting and messaging… you have no chance. You can send thousands of clever messages to 8s and 9s, but if you’re a 5 or 6, it just won’t work. It doesn’t matter which site or how many. Women are more appearance-fixated than guys are. They want to live well and potentially breed well, and an unfit or ugly man is a waste of their time. They want to outkick the coverage just like every guy would like to. The 8+ women have dozens of 8,9,10 SMV guys messaging them, so yours won’t even get opened or definitely not replied. You will fail to build a pipeline (roster as BD wisely calls it), or it will run dry even if you do luck out with (or pay money for) the occasional woman with higher SMV.

    The solution is to get better looks/photos or be more realistic about what women you are targeting… probably best to do both. The sugar daddy thing is an option I have no problem with… but a lot of guys like women who want to fuck them, not just women who are willing to under circumstance. That means doing a realist self-assessment and messaging mainly women who you think are cute but similar to yourself on SMV scale.

    I have lived in the same area awhile and have a pretty full pipeline, but I feel I do online dating fairly well when I need to add to the list. I agree with all BD skills. I use only one site, though (again, efficiency, not quantity). I usually roughly 5 photos (head/chest profile, indoor pic dressed well, activity pic not looking at cam, group pic, and fun/outdoor pic). That shows them you are successful, normal and social. Just like the profile writing, you are not necessarily trying to qualify yourself… you’re mainly aiming to avoid DISqualifying yourself. A pic of throwing a frisbee at the beach or water skiing or something shirtless is good if you are in good shape, or a casual profile hint of what you do for a living works well… shows off without being blatant. I simply send short messages with their screen name and/or a detail from their profile (basically to prove it’s not cut-n-paste most guys do). I will get roughly 10% response rate, exchange a few msgs with responders and then give them my number, approx half of them text… and I can convert approx half of those to a date asap. That means that only 2.5% of women I initially message are ones I end up meeting up with, but that is actually well above average (women are so bombarded that even a 20-25% response rate on dating messages means you are probably using Channing Tatum pics). The key to my success is not any of those statistical things… it is mostly that I know how I look, know my SMV, and target appropriate age/look women. Sexual market has women as buyers and men as sellers, so the success is in having good product and making the proper selection of where to direct your marketing efforts. Do I shoot the moon once in awhile too (in day or online game)? Yeah, but response rate is dismal on those. Good luck guys

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