The Ideal Home Setup For An OLTR Marriage
In terms of day-to-day logistics, including living arrangements, the objective of traditional monogamous marriage (TMM) is to combine your entire life with another human being and do so in the ways everyone else does it, so as to A) fit in to society and B) fulfill the Disney fantasies of the female (and to be fair, sometimes of the man too, particularly if he’s an extreme beta male).
The logistical objectives of an OLTR marriage are quite different. They are to:
- Maximize long-term happiness.
- Minimize potential for conflict.
- Maintain as much personal freedom for the two participants as possible.
This means that the logistical setup of your home under an OLTR Marriage is going to look a little different than those in a TMM.
Pink Firefly and I have just finished moving into our new house. (I use the word “our,” but the lease is 100% mine, as per OLTR rules.) I got a two-year lease on the home so we can finally move out of the Collapsing USA in January 2021, per my five flags plan.
When looking for a new house, I made sure it had all the aspects conducive for an OLTR marriage, even though some of them were a little weird. When I took my month-long trip to South America in November, Pink Firefly continued the house search, looking for something she would like, within my budget, and that also adhered to my requirements.
Thankfully, she found one: a beautiful 3800 square-foot four-bedroom home at the top of a mountain with fantastic, near 180-degree views of the Columbia Gorge, including the entire valley, river, and mountains from every room in the house. It’s exactly how I envisioned my ideal home would be when visualizing my goals.
Don’t get hung up on the size or the cost of this house. I make more than enough money to afford the rent (it’s only a tiny percentage of my after-tax income) and I’ve already set aside the money to pay the next eight months of rent into a savings account called “Future Rent.” So I’m good.
That’s aspect number one, which should apply to you regardless of your living situation. Only get a home you can A) easily afford, and B) you know exactly where the money is coming from in order to pay the rent or mortgage. You also should have zero debt. Don’t get an expensive house just because some loan officer is saying you can afford one or because your wife is nagging you for one.
Back when I was in a TMM as an ignorant beta, I made this mistake. I had a nice house back then too, but the mortgage on that damn thing was around 40% of my income and I had pretty much zero savings and I had to support a family of four and I had a shitload of debt on top of all that. In other words, I was the typical stupid American. I had a nice house but I was constantly stressed out.
Today, it’s the exact opposite. I can have a nice house and actually enjoy it with zero stress. I purposely waited many years before getting into a nice house like this. As always, it was all according to a specific, long-term plan instead of my emotional whims.
Next are the OLTR marriage aspects of the house. When I publish the book on OLTR marriage management in two years, I will go into great detail on this topic, but today I’ll give you a sneak peak.
Here are some of the OLTR marriage aspects I wanted that this house has:
1. Separate offices / work areas. In this house, I have my own office, obviously. However, I do not share this office with Pink Firefly. She actually has her own office, so she never needs to use mine. I want to work in focused peace and so does she. Her office is on an entirely different floor, which is great. Her office is upstairs, mine is downstairs. (I don’t like having two stories but that was one of the areas in which I compromised.)
2. Separate bathrooms. I’ve mentioned this before. PF and I have two completely separate bathrooms. Nothing will cause arguments like sharing a bathroom full-time with a female you’re romantically involved with. I realize some of you have done this in the past and had zero problems, but you got lucky. We each have a full bathroom that has two sinks each, plus a toilet and a shower. PF can shower and get ready for as long as she wants (it usually takes her around 2.5 hours to get ready) without inconveniencing me at all. (EDIT/Correction: She used to take 2.5 hours so that’s what I’m used to. A few months ago she made some changes and now it takes her about 1.5 hours in the morning to get ready, on a typical morning at least.)
3. Separate kitchens. Sharing a kitchen with a woman is also a common source of petty arguments and frustrations with a married couple. In this house, we have a nice kitchen upstairs that I gave to Pink Firefly. It’s “hers” unless I need to use it to cook something special, which is not typical. Downstairs, there is a bar area with a sink. A sink is all you need when you’re a man to create your own kitchen; all you need to do is get a microwave and a small refrigerator/freezer, which I have done, and bam, there’s your kitchen.
When I eat, I heat up some vegetables in the microwave, eat some tuna with mayo right out of the can, quickly eat while I stand and watch some business or investing YouTube videos (from a TV or tablet mounted on the wall), scarf as fast as I can, throw everything in the trash (I only use paper plates and bowls; they don’t require washing), and get right back to work. The entire process takes me a grand total about about 6-8 minutes. A sink, microwave, and small refrigerator/freezer is all I need.
When PF eats, her being a woman and very feminine (and a more normal person), it’s a huge production. She needs to gather and prepare a bunch of ingredients, cook food in a pan, prepare it all, prepare a beautiful plate, sit at the dining room table, leisurely eat while relaxed, then spend a bunch of time cleaning everything up (though she has recently adopted my time management technique of using paper plates; smart girl). Very different than how I eat, and she always requires a bigger kitchen and more room, which is fine with me. (We have designated times where we eat together, since Pink Firefly’s primary love language is time spent together, but you get what I mean.)
PF and I, having our own kitchen areas, can set up our plates, food, silverware, kitchen gadgets, and whatever else exactly the way we want without having to compromise with anyone. Awesome.
4. A spare bedroom. PF and I both sleep together in the master bedroom, but now we have an extra bedroom fully set up with a bed where guests can sleep and where I can sleep if there’s ever a problem. I haven’t ever needed to do this, and I may never need to, but it’s there if I need it (or if she needs it).
5. A king-size mattress with a deep pillow top. If you sleep with a woman in a queen-sized bed, it’s too small unless you’re both midgets. You’re going to regularly poke her, bump into her, and she to you, all fucking night long. I realize a lot of people just get used to this, but happiness is not about tolerating shitty scenarios.
We were in a queen bed for the past year, and since upgrading to a king (something I delayed because it wasn’t in the budget until now) it’s been a world of difference. I can spread out as much as I want and I never even touch her. It’s great. (And if I want to touch her for some cuddle time or sexy time, I just roll over once and I’m there.)
Moreover, you need a deep pillow-top mattress. This means that if she moves around, you’ll barely feel it. Otherwise every time she moves, the entire mattress will shake and you’ll feel it when you don’t want to. Now, PF can squirm around all she likes and I don’t feel a thing.
Granted, a king-sized mattresses with a nice pillow top is expensive, but as I’ve said a thousand times, you shouldn’t settle down with a woman until you are at least 35 years old. The ability to drop a few thousand bucks on a nice mattress you’ll use for 10+ years shouldn’t be a challenge for you by then.
6. Separate TV areas. Upstairs, there’s a big TV set up in the fancy living room. That’s Pink Firefly’s area. She’s a girl, so she likes things cute, fancy, and inconvenient. I’m a man, so I like them ugly and functional. There’s a more casual family room downstairs with a TV, which is my area. The downstairs encompasses this room, my “kitchen,” the spare room, and my office. I told PF when we got the house that the downstairs is “my domain” while the upstairs is hers. Of course she can use my downstairs family room whenever she wants. (But not my kitchen! That’s set up the way I want it. She has her own kitchen.)
Don’t think that just because we have these separate areas means we never spend time together. Of course we do. It’s just that we can have our own areas, set up the way we like, without having to compromise at all with another human we live with. Regardless of how much you love each other or how well you get along, that other person can (and always will) have different opinions and needs regarding how things are set up.
All the drama, arguments, and resentment most co-habiting couples have is because they have to fucking share everything, compromise on everything, and constantly get in each other’s way. This won’t happen (or at least won’t happen nearly as much) if you have a home set up for maximum freedom and happiness instead of societal conformity.
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