Where I Have Failed With My Weight
Sometimes you can see someone who is everything you want and think that person is somehow beyond you, or beyond what you could ever accomplish. I remember thinking exactly this regarding some of my personal heroes when I was younger.
Other times, you may read about or see public figures with blunt, brash, arrogant personalities (like me) and assume that these people think they’re the shit and that nothing is wrong with them.
Maybe that’s true with some of these guys. I really don’t know.
I think I’m a pretty decent and successful person. I have accomplished some things that I view as somewhat impressive. I don’t say that to be arrogant (even though I am), but because many of the things I’ve accomplished in my past, both years ago and recently, honestly impress me.
In all seriousness, I live such a good life that every morning I wake up, I still can’t believe I get to live like this every day. I live a life that lots of men would be very happy with if they emulated it, or at least emulated strong components of it, and teaching this lifestyle to other men makes me very happy because of the good it does to the 10% of men willing to listen to it.
At the same time, I am deeply flawed. I’m a normal guy who is good at some things and really terrible at others.
In my main book and sometimes at this blog (like here), I talk about the Seven Life Areas or SLA. These are the seven possible areas in which you can spend your time. In no particular order, they are:
- Financial Life
- Woman Life
- Physical Life
- Family Life
- Social Life
- Spiritual Life
- Recreational Life
I’ve talked about how you are going to be naturally good at one or two of these areas, mediocre at others, and dreadful regarding at least one of them. I’ve also talked about how the three life areas of financial, woman, and physical are absolute requirements to get at least decent at if your goal is long-term masculine happiness, and the rest of the life areas are purely optional depending on your goals, age, and personality.
I have always been good at, and very motivated with my financial life. Business is the core of who I am. I was financially successful at a very early age, having hit a six-figure income by age 27, starting from zero from a poor family with no college degree, no people skills, and very limited work skills.
Being the typical beta male back then, I was not good at my woman life at all. I am not a natural and never have been. But in 2007 I made a decision to focus on that part of my life and get that part of my existence handled forever. After about two years of hitting it hard, I finally had that part nailed, and I’ve been telling my story regarding that part of my life here.
So in terms of financial and woman life, I’m fantastic. Statistically speaking, I’m in the top percentiles in the world at both of these things. I live a dream life because of this.
Now, my physical life… that’s been a problem, even after decades of trying.
I’m a very healthy man for my age; I have the blood tests to prove it. But I have been overweight for most of my adult life, including now. While I’ve never been full-on fat, I have swung between very chubby and mildly chubby for the past 25 years or so. There was a brief time in my early to mid-20s where, with the metabolism of a young man combined with frequent fasting (bordering on starvation) and a massive amount of exercise, I looked decent. Not great, but decent. But since then, its been nothing but degrees of chubby. Sometimes normal chubby, sometimes muscular and chubby (linebacker body), sometimes very chubby, sometimes kinda chubby, and so on; it depends on which point of my past you look at.
When I hit age 39 I saw my weight on the scale and made a decision to get my weight under control, since I didn’t want to get diabetes in my 40s or 50s; a common problem in my family tree. I busted my ass, really busted my ass, and after several years of a lot of pain and suffering (and it was serious pain and suffering for me), I lost 40 pounds. Much to my distress, I was still somewhat chubby even after the 40 pounds, but I was much less chubby and at least my clothing fit better and my woman life required less numbers.
Since then, instead of losing more weight like I should have, or instead of at least maintaining it, my weight has bounced up and down. I’ll gain 13 pounds, then lose five. Then gain 15 more, then lose ten. Then gain, then lose.
I’ll be honest with you. It’s been very hard. My shitty metabolism plus my heavily endomorphic body type plus my extreme love of food (which I’ve noticed a lot of fit / skinny guys don’t have) plus my abundance mentality regarding life plus my love of freedom (“I’m a free man and Alpha 2.0! I should be able to eat whatever the fuck I want!”) plus my higher income plus my frequent travel lifestyle plus the fact I keep getting laid with super attractive women regardless of how chubby I seem to be… it all adds up to a lot of factors that make keeping a consistently steady healthy diet of vegetables and healthy proteins extremely difficult. At least for me.
I’m not saying I’ve accomplished nothing. I can pull it off, in that I have not gotten fat. One of my sisters is, physically, the female version of me. She has the same face as I do and has the exact same body type except she’s a few inches shorter and female. Unlike me, she eats whatever she feels like and never takes the time to exercise. And she’s over 300 pounds, very possibly over 350.
She’s my sister and I love her, but she is so fat that her body looks almost inhuman. She can barely walk. Walking up stairs is extremely difficult for her. As soon as she enters any room she immediately finds a place to sit down because she can’t stand up for more than a minute or two. I honestly don’t expect her to live 10-15 more years even though she’s only in her mid-40s.
Seeing my sister, or even remembering what she looks like, is a frequent reminder of what I would look like if I just chucked this entire fitness thing and ate whatever I felt like just like a normal person. Thank goodness I’m not fat like that and never will be.
I’m also, on the overall, decent looking as compared to the average 46 year-old American man; my work on my physical appearance, my dieting, exercise, grooming, TRT, teeth procedures, and hair procedures have at least ensured this, and my amazing sex life is a reflection of this.
My amazing sex life also bolsters my view of myself even if I’m a little overweight. As I write these words, I’m in Cabo San Lucas on my honeymoon with Pink Firefly, and today we sat on the beach next to another couple. The man was younger than me, better looking than me, and much more physically fit than me, yet his girlfriend was far uglier than Pink Firefly in every way. Uglier face, smaller boobs, more flabby body, and so on. Not only that, but all of my FBs, except for one, clearly were better looking than this woman despite him being my physical superior. Seeing men who are better-looking than me with less attractive women than I get makes me happy in selfish sort of way.
But none of this means I like what I see in the mirror. Often I don’t.
I recently went through the initial draft of videos for the Alpha 2.0 Business Course coming later this month. It was the first time I’ve seen myself on video as opposed to in photos or in the mirror where I can precisely control the angle at which I’m seen.
Yikes. I didn’t look good. While I didn’t look bad, I really, really didn’t look good either. I didn’t feel good about what I saw in terms of my physical appearance. Oh, the content was very good, I’m a skilled professional public speaker, I speak with passion and excitement and drive, and when talking about business I’m 100% in my element. The camera crew were blown away and were furiously taking notes(!) as I was speaking. That stuff was all great. If you get the online course in a few weeks, you’ll see what I mean. It will change your life.
But in terms of my weight, I didn’t like what I saw at all. Too many times, as I turned my head in certain directions, I would see my double chin or chubby neck and think, “Jesus. That looks bad. That’s not me. I should look better than this.”
I’m proud of my accomplishments in my financial and woman lives (as well as my family and recreational lives too), but as an example for other men, when it comes to my physical life, I have clearly failed, and failed badly. I need to do better. Not just for me, but for you guys too. There’s just no excuse for this.
Sometimes, I will see a guy complain about one of his SLA that came somewhat easy for me. Like a guy over age 30 who still doesn’t make more than $30K a year despite his repeated attempts. Many years ago, I used to think, “Jeez, really? What’s this guy’s problem? It’s not that hard. You just do X, Y, and Z and get lots of money.”
I never think this anymore. Now I completely understand. On my side of the table, I see guys (both in my real life and on the internet) who are trim and fit without trying very hard, and I just don’t understand how they do it. I’ve personally known guys who lost 70 pounds in just three months, just one time, with minimal effort, and kept the weight off forever, no problem. And again, I’m just bewildered at how they did it and how easy it was for them; even if I duplicate exactly what they did I don’t get the same results.
So I get it. I really do. I understand what it’s like to really struggle at something. I get it when something you think should be easy, because it’s easy for everyone else, is really hard for you. I understand those feelings of frustration, exasperation, and unfairness. I feel it too.
That’s why I try to be patient when teaching the aspects of the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle that I already have nailed, mainly money (specifically freedom-based location independent income) and women (specifically nonmonogamy and sexual abundance). This stuff might be easy for me (at least now) but I remember when my woman life was very difficult, and I’m reminded every day as I look into the mirror how hard my physical life is, and remains.
I will eventually get my physical life under control. It may take a while. It will probably take longer than I want. It already has. But at the moment, its still my biggest failure in life, by far. I’m just really bad at this. Or at least, I’m much worse at this than a man teaching Alpha 2.0 should be, at least in my opinion. I realize I’m not horrible (I know a lot of men my age or younger who are seriously fat and/or physically disgusting) but that’s no excuse. I also realize I don’t teach fitness advice and that my teaching areas are the financial and sexual aspects of a free masculine lifestyle, but I still owe it to myself and my audience to have a physical appearance that is better than what it currently is.
One last note. Experience has shown that whenever I bring this subject up, lots of helpful guys start suggesting various diets and exercise routines that I should try. If you’re tempted to do this, please, before you start typing, click here, scroll halfway down the article, and read the massive list of diets and programs that I have already tried. If what you’re about to suggest is on that list, save yourself the typing. My problem with this is purely mental and/or physiological, not because I’m doing something technically wrong. If it was simply a technical problem I would have resolved this problem many years ago. I’ve talked a lot about my research and experimentation regarding my diet and fitness plans over the years at my other blog and will continue to do so.
If you’re curious, at the moment, I am shifting back to the best eating system that has worked for me so far, which is Carb Nite, which I first talked about here. That system worked the best for me for the longest time; I just didn’t stick with it due to my travel schedule. I’m going to focus on sticking with it now, in spite of my schedule.
The takeaway from all this is that you can create a good life even if you really suck at certain things. I have my own set of problems and weaknesses just like you. Just don’t use them as excuses, and keep working on them.
I’ll keep working on mine.