Living Together OLTR Update – September 2018
Here’s another update on something no one else on the entire internet (with an actual audience of a decent size) has the balls to talk about except me: my open marriage with my wife, Pink Firefly. It’s been about three months since the last update, and a lot of you guys keep asking about this and requesting more updates. I’m here to please.
Our current status is that we’ve been together (in some form or fashion) for almost four years and have been living together for nine months.
Things are going well so far. She’s been busy with her job and I’ve been busy with my work, and we spend the weekends together as our mutual break time (though I still get a few hours of work in on the weekends; I work every day, by choice). Yesterday I posted a funny blurb about our sleeping arrangements at my other blog. The article is here if you’re interested.
Our wedding ceremony was last month, and I’m glad it’s over. Setting up one of these fucking things is a nightmare, and even though Pink Firefly did 95% of the work (and paid for most of it), it was still an occasional pain in my ass. The actual ceremony was nice though, once the initial phases were over and I could actually relax. The day after, we both got massages and spent several days at the beach, which was very nice. We go to Cabo San Lucas for our real honeymoon later this month.
During the four weeks before the wedding, PF was extremely stressed out at the numerous problems that occur with this kind of thing, and she’s very perfectionist when it comes to this kind of stuff. She finally relaxed after the wedding was over, thank god.
As I mentioned in the last update, we started seeing the counselor several weeks ago. Not because anything was wrong (it wasn’t) but to A) help us navigate our two vastly different communication styles and B) get an unbiased third party opinion when needed.
I expected to go through one or two counselors before finding one that was decent, but we lucked out; the counselor we found on our very first try turned out to be very good and someone we both liked. She’s got decades of marital / couples experience and vast experience counseling nonmonogamous couples. However, not once in our sessions have we discussed sex, nonmonogamy, my FB’s, or any of that stuff. It’s just not a problem for us. Communication is much more important, at least for us. (All OLTR couples are different and will encounter different problems or bottlenecks.)
With her help, our communication has improved. I’m able to demonstrate more empathy when needed (though it hurts my head to do so sometimes) and she’s able to stay more organized and rational during her communication (though I’m sure this hurts her head sometimes too). As to exactly how we’re doing this, you’re just going to have to wait until December of 2020 when I publish the book on all this.
In terms of drama management in a live-in relationship/marriage, there are two aspects that need to be handled:
1. How to handle the drama when it comes up to diffuse it quickly.
2. The frequency of how often the drama comes up in the first place.
Failure to do item number one means you will end up in these hour-long arguments so many married couples have. Failure to do item two means you’ll be putting up with constant arguing, sniping, nagging, and bitching as a regular part of the relationship. (Again, typical for most marriages.)
If you get both of those things handled, you’re in good shape. We have been mostly focused on item number one (communication again). Moving forward, we’re going to focus on item number two, since I want the absolute minimum number of drama incidents within any given time frame (week, month, year, etc).
The reason for this is that the next big transition in our relationship occurs today. Today is Pink Firefly’s last day at her corporate job. She’s coming home to work full-time on her Alpha 2.0 businesses as well as help me out in my marketing company as one of my virtual assistants. Her and I being home most of the day means the difficulty factor has now been raised in our relationship. We have already set up a schedule where she leaves me alone during the day so I can get work done, yet where we also spend a certain amount of time together on a regular basis, since Quality Time is her number one love language. (Mine is Physical Touch.)
Will it be hard to keep drama to an absolute minimum when she’s home all day with me? Yes. But we have several factors going for us (or else I would not have attempted this):
- My home office is located in a completely separate part of the house. You have to literally walk through the garage to get there and go through multiple doors.
- I rent a small, separate office 15 minutes away from the house that I can drive to if I need alone time. It’s also set up as a small apartment (it’s also where I have sex with my FBs). PF doesn’t know where this office is.
- She’s going to have shitloads of work to do herself, and she’s a hard worker. This is one of the reasons I fell in love with her; I’m attracted to workaholic women.
- We’re almost four years into our relationship (nine months of which cohabiting), so I know exactly what kind of person I’m dealing with.
- She’s shown a track record, via her actions and not words, that she’s willing to put in the work to make this kind of relationship work, even during the isolated times when she doesn’t really want to. This is something I did not have with my first wife the last time I was married (in a traditional, monogamous marriage… yuck!). Her attitude was more typical of a married woman; that most of the problems were my fault, that I needed to “shape up,” and that she didn’t need to change anything because she was “working hard already” or something.
As always, I will keep all of you updated. I’m optimistic based on the factors I see before me.
I have still been trying to find one “main” FB on the side who is reliable, and after trying and failing with two different women in a row, I’ve come to the conclusion that the universe just doesn’t want me to have a primary FB right now. So I’m going to stop trying and instead stick with my current group of three different FBs who I see regularly, based on whoever is available that week. I usually see one FB per week.
A lot of you have been asking for pictures of Pink Firefly (and of us). I’ve been waiting until she’s comfortable with that. I asked her to be in my upcoming Alpha 2.0 Business Video Course but she refused. So instead, I promise I will post pictures of her on this blog by the end of this year.
That’s it for now! For those of you about to raise objections to anything I’m doing, since I’ve seen these objections over and over again already, I’m going to save myself some commenting time and preemptively respond to them here:
Objection: “BD, I don’t think this is going to work, because…”
My answer: Read this.
Objection: “You’re seeing a fucking counselor? I would never do that! <or> A real man would never do that! Just fucking tell her what to do!”
My answer: You’re an Alpha Male 1.0 and that’s not who I am. I’m an Alpha Male 2.0. I don’t tell women what to do because A) I’m outcome independent and don’t care, and B) I have better things to do. I’m a man on a Mission and I don’t have the time or desire to babysit females. I just let them do whatever they want and leave them if they stop making me happy.
Objection: “You’re doing NAWALT! Now that you guys are married, she’s going to instantly start turning into a bitch!”
My answer: If you’re right (and the odds are you’re not), then fine, I will end the relationship, lose zero money, and my sex with my FBs will continue. You’re forgetting this is an OLTR Marriage, not a traditional monogamous one where divorce = mass chaos and problems. By the way, Pink Firefly is aware of all of this, which creates further pressure on her to continue to play nice (unlike monogamous marriages where the woman has little to no incentive to keep the relationship going).
Objection: “This is all bullshit! PF is probably ugly!”
My answer: You’ll see pics of her by the end of the year and you can judge for yourself. PF is very pretty, looks about 28-29 years old with no wrinkles anywhere, has long platinum blonde hair, is just over a hundred pounds at 5’4”, has very big boobs, and looks like a Playboy bunny. Yep, really ugly.
Objection: “You can’t be Alpha 2.0 if she’s going to work for you! You’ll have to tell her what to do!”
My answer: In terms of business tasks, correct. She’s already been doing some work for me and she fully understands that when it comes to business only, I will tell her what to do and she must do it and do it with no argument, or else she gets fired, just like any other virtual assistant. I have contingency plans in place for this possibility, as always.
Anyway, more updates coming soon. I’ll try to post more of these. (I really want Pink Firefly to write one of these, but that’s up to her.) Pink Firefly will also be reading the comments, so if you have questions for her, free to ask (though she’s under no obligation to answer you).