Man. It took me a long time, because it was a painful experience, but I finally got through Neil Strauss’s book, The Truth. It’s his story about how he, an ex-pick-up artist guru, wrestles with the fact that long-term monogamy doesn’t work.

Before I get into this, I need to state for the record that I wouldn’t be here at this blog if it weren’t for Neil Strauss (as well as other PUA pioneers like Mystery). Regardless of your opinion of these people, you and I owe these men a great debt. If it weren’t for guys like Neil Strauss, there would be no Blackdragon, and there very likely wouldn’t even be a manosphere. We all live in the house that these guys built, at least to some degree.

I genuinely like Neil and have nothing personal against him. His advice helped me a lot back 11-12 years ago when I was getting started with this. I’ve purchased, read, and recommend his books, including the ones that have nothing to do with women. He’s a gifted writer and he’s an honest person, which is huge for me. I just strongly disagree with him on a few things; I bear no ill will towards him and I really do wish him the best.

Okay.

The Truth is the single most painful experience I’ve ever had reading a book. Every few pages I wanted to frown, swear, or puke. Every few chapters I had to put the book down and try to forget about it because of the negative mood it put me in. Then I would wait a few months and read a few more chapters. It took me about two years to get through it this way.

Normally, if I had such a negative experience reading a book, I would just stop reading it. But I’m a relationship expert for men focusing on (among other things) nonmonogamy, so a book written about this topic by one of the most famous pick-up artists in history requires me to read it regardless of my personal feelings about it. Over the years, many of you have emailed me asking if I have read the book and what I felt about it. So I did this for you guys.

Here’s a brief summary of the book. Get ready.

Neil Strauss, who is essentially a serial monogamist, after retiring from PUA, spent several years going from girlfriend to girlfriend until settling on one particular girl named Ingrid. Since monogamy doesn’t work because human beings were never designed for it, he behaved perfectly normally by cheating on her. Since cheating men always eventually get caught, she caught him, and they had shitloads of drama.

Completely wracked with oneitis, Neil, and I can’t believe this, actually checked himself into a rehab clinic for sex addiction.

For cheating on his girlfriend.

Because he was never designed to be monogamous.

Because, you know, he’s a human.

But he was convinced there was something horribly wrong with him, so he spent several weeks in this horrible rehab clinic being screamed at by angry, bitchy, anti-sex therapists, surrounded by other addicts of various sorts (sex addicts, food addicts, drug addicts, and so on).

sigh

He reflected back on the fact his father had a fetish for amputees. As a child, he found that his father would collect video tapes of amputee swimming competitions and such.

During his stay at the clinic, he discovered that his mother actually wanted to “marry” him and that she had chosen him as a husband placeholder for her husband (his father) who had left her. For example, when his brother dated girls, she was really supportive, but when he dated girls, his mother would get really upset and… jealous. Ew.

After being tortured enough, he finally checked out early, though against the advice of the bitches who were screaming at him because clearly he was still “broken” because he wanted to have sex with more than one woman.

sigh

Amazingly, it gets worse. Like many ex-PUAs and Alpha Male 1.0s, he is torn with an inner conflict between the concept that nonmonogamy is the only thing that works but that monogamy is what Societal Programming has brainwashed him into thinking is the only proper way to be with a loving partner.

So he essentially goes insane, trying everything under the sun, trying to find himself, trying to find some kind of sexual relationship that works. He doesn’t want to try monogamy again, so he tries other stuff.

He sneaks into a free-love cult and bangs a bunch of girls.

He attends several orgies and bangs a bunch of girls.

He has a polyamorous relationship in which he has two serious girlfriends at the same time, sometimes seeing one at a time, sometimes seeing both together.

He does brain scans. He interviews psychologists and historians. He keeps trying to find out what works.

sigh (He could have just read my blog.)

What does he finally do after all of this crap? After all of this research? After all these realizations about how humans were never designed for monogamy?

He goes right back to Ingrid and monogamously marries her.

Yeah. I’m speechless.

Maybe now you know why this was so hard for me to read.

Today, whenever anyone brings up the topic of monogamy to him, he beats around the bush and avoids giving specific answers. As an example, watch this video where he answers the charge that The Truth is essentially a pro-monogamy book, and what his “answer” is for “Does monogamy work?”

Notice how he doesn’t actually address the point or answer the question. He just deflects everything with some flowery bullshit about how monogamy and nonmonogamy are “made up concepts” or “false dualities.” No Neil, I’m sorry, but monogamy and nonmonogamy are two real lifestyle choices that pose extreme differences in how one lives and how one feels, with definite and clear pros and cons to each choice. The concept on paper is made up, yes, but the lifestyle choice is real, and everyone who has a sexual relationship of any kind must choose one or the other.

This is why I wrote an article a while back about how you should never take relationship advice from players. Players, PUAs, MRAs, and Alpha Males (1.0) are often good at getting laid or getting girlfriends/wives, but even if they know for a scientific fact that long-term monogamy doesn’t work, they want it to work. They see that 2+2=4, but they don’t want it to. So they proceed as if 2+2=5. If you bring up that they’re factually, objectively, scientifically wrong, they either call you an asshole or, in guys like Neil’s case, deflect the issue, avoid addressing it directly, and try to placate both sides.

This is also a testament to the power of oneitis. I can’t read Neil’s mind, but it’s been pointed out that his actions are not the result of a monogamy fantasy, but of oneitis. He went back to Ingrid and did what she demanded: marriage, monogamy, and children. As always, oneitis is the number one killer of men in the modern era, and even guys who should know better dive right into it.

Neil has said in interviews in the past, more than once, that while he’s good at getting laid, whenever he gets into a relationship he “turns into an AFC.” Yep, that’s apparent, not just in this book, but in his other books. In his book Emergency, which is a fantastic book I recommend to everyone, he mentions several times how often his girlfriend at the time (not Ingrid, someone before her) was throwing him massive drama, and how he just put up with it and tolerated it like a beta.

I’ve said before that over time, nonmonogamy will become more accepted by society at large, especially when technology makes monogamy impossible which will happen sooner than people think.

This will happen, but it’s going to be a very slow progression. As you can see with Neil, who actually represents the norm when it comes to woman-experienced players/Alpha Males over the age of 34, men (and women) want this Disney monogamy fantasy to work so badly they will leap into monogamous relationships and traditional monogamous marriage regardless of the sheer amount of data and their own experiences clearly showing them it doesn’t work.

Yes, nonmonogamy will soon become mainstream, but as you can see, people are going to fight it, hard, tooth and nail, every step of the way, to maintain their Disney purity fantasy, quell their meaningless sexual jealousies, and defend their oneitis.

It’s going to be a very hard time for everyone…

…except us Alpha 2.0s of course.

Just a few more days left if you want the free two-hour seminar audio on Alpha 2.0 financial management by joining my monthly coaching and podcast program! Click here.

89 Comments on “Neil Strauss’s Book, The Truth

  1. I give you credit for making it through that book BD. I couldn’t do it.. beyond nauseating.

    Agree with your other recommendations; I really liked Emergency, and also liked The Game. Def a classic book.

    Neil lost me when he started doing tv talk shows dressed up like a clown. People like Mystery could pull this off. Neil couldn’t, and you could smell the incongruence. I don’t have anything against Neil either. He is a great writer. But this book, and the ideas behind it flat out sucked. After all the time with Mystery and others, it seemed like he did an about-face with reality.

  2. What do you think about Robert Greene books? Are they worth the time reading?

    The Art of Seduction
    48 Laws of Power

  3. One way to get something positive out of this book is to treat it as a case study in the psychology of beta and oneitis.

    The cringiest parts will resonate with these elements in the reader, bringing them to the fore, and being able to see the enemy is the first step to beating the enemy.

    Seeing where Neil goes wrong will help the reader see where he himself goes wrong.

    Perhaps this is most useful for those who don’t realize these forces are still lurking around in themselves.

  4. So… is Neil a beta or an alpha? Sounds like a door-mat from this summary, yet he is a well-known PUA.

    Or is it a case of Alpha doing beta things? Like a smart guy, who sometimes acts like an idiot.

  5. Hey BD,

     

    Not trying to bash you with this post. I love your work. But I just read two blog posts of yours that seemed to contradict each other.

    In the blog post ” You don’t Need to date Lot’s of Women ”

    you say this

    ” I have never said this.
    Seriously. Go back through my archive and find where I said you need to fuck a lot of girls, or date a lot of girls. You won’t find it, because I’ve never said it.
    Go ahead. Prove me wrong. Go check. It’s okay, I’ll wait. ”
    http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2017/06/05/dont-need-date-lots-women/

     

    But in a later blog post titled ” How to Assess whether or not to move in with a Woman ”

    you say the following

    ” When I say “vast experience” I’m talking about both sexual/pick-up experience and relationship experience. Both. Not one or the other. If you’ve had sex with 80 women but never had a consistent, happy relationship that lasted longer than a year or two, then you’re not ready. If you’ve had several multi-year-long relationships but you’ve only had sex with ten women in your entire life, you’re also not ready. hate putting numbers on these kinds of things, but as a rough estimate, if you haven’t had sex with at least 30-40 women ”  

     

    http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2017/12/28/how-to-assess-whether-or-not-to-move-in-with-a-woman/

     

    So which is it ? Does a man need to fuck 30 -40 women before moving in with a woman or does he not ?

     

    I get that 30-40 women is not “alot” by PUA standards but for the *average* man it is still very high. Most have never fucked that many women their entire lives…

  6. How can you complain the book was uncomfortable to read, when that’s literally written in caps on the cover? : )

  7. Read an interview of his once(promoting this book I think), CRINGEWORTHY. Came accross as full of SP.

    Stopped driving his classic Corvette because it projected the image of a player. 😣

    Like Westworld not all of us can make it to the real world.

  8. Robert Green’s books had a huge impact on my work and personal life.  They will be applicable 500 years from now.

  9. BD, some of your readers have expressed disheartenment at the fact you got married.  Some of your earlier writings suggested or even partially proclaimed that you would likely avoid ever getting an actual marriage again.  It seems as though you can somewhat relate to this sentiment–at least the idea that someone you learned from, morphed their belief system slightly.  I’m not saying you did so, but some of your readers seem to perceive it as such.

    Anyway, what do you think is the reason that many PUA’s eventually go against their own advice and become beta, AFC, or monogamous?  Is there a point where banging lots of women with no long-term attachment becomes somewhat boring and a more committed relationship–up to even monogamy, becomes an exciting challenge or something?

    It is puzzling how so many PUA and manosphere guys end up going against or at least morphing their own methods, even after having huge success previously.  What do you think the reason for this is?  How can we avoid it happening to us one day?

  10. “The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.”

    — Morpheus

  11. Robert Greene’s books are amazing…

    33 Strategies of War -prob his best, and longest at around 900 pages

    Mastery -this is a good audio book for long drives etc.

    48 Laws of Power -a must read for everyone, and a good reference manual

    Art of Seduction -very entertaining and relevant

    and his latest coming out in Oct which should be fascinating:

    The Laws of Human Nature

    …i recommend his work to anyone, it is that powerful!!

  12. BD, some of your readers have expressed disheartenment at the fact you got married.  Some of your earlier writings suggested or even partially proclaimed that you would likely avoid ever getting an actual marriage again.  It seems as though you can somewhat relate to this sentiment–at least the idea that someone you learned from, morphed their belief system slightly.  I’m not saying you did so, but some of your readers seem to perceive it as such.

    +1 man!
    Actually I have realized about this since a while ago..

    That when I’ve said that BD’s happiness state about to blind him(*or something like that)

    You see that BD also become less organized lately, such as missed his important slot at FreedomFest.. you wondering why?

    But next year again he still want to attend again with PF beside him.

    ###

    OK, back to the main topic.

    As for Neil Strauss’s book, there’snt any REAL truth in that *confession stories compilation.*

    The only basic fundamental TRUTH is, “You can either love women or understand them.

     –never both.”

    End of story.

  13. What do you think about Robert Greene books? Are they worth the time reading?

    I think they’re good but a little overrated.

    Mail him your book. He might still have a chance 🙂

    Haha. He might actually read it too; he’s a good guy like that; but it won’t change any of his behaviors.

    So… is Neil a beta or an alpha?

    High-end beta, on this chart.

    Or is it a case of Alpha doing beta things?

    The opposite. Neil and Mystery are both high-end betas who (at one point) were doing Alpha things.

    I get that 30-40 women is not “alot” by PUA standards but for the *average* man it is still very high.

    1. I have said for almost 10 years that a man only needs to date one MLTR and one FB. That’s it. That’s two women. Two is not a lot.

    2. Over time, if a man does this (or attempts to do this), he will eventually sleep with 30+ women, but that might take him 5-10 years, which is 3-6 women per year. Again, not a lot.

    BD, some of your readers have expressed disheartenment at the fact you got married.

    I’m not married as the term is normally used (not even close), so these men, in all seriousness, either don’t know how to read or were haters to begin with. I explained this in the first several paragraphs here.

    Some of your earlier writings suggested or even partially proclaimed that you would likely avoid ever getting an actual marriage again.

    Incorrect. As just one example, read this article I wrote called How Open Marriage Works where I said I clearly wanted to get OLTR married, and I wrote that six years ago.

    I’ve always wanted to have an OLTR / open “marriage” and I’ve never deviated from that. I’ve said many times I didn’t want to get traditionally married. And I’m not, nor will I ever. I walk my talk.

    I’m not perfect, and I make plenty of mistakes like everyone else, but I have been the most ideologically consistent content provider in all of the manosphere / PUA over the last ten years. I’ve always railed against monogamy, and I’ve never gotten monogamous. I’ve always warned against combining finances with a female, and I’ve never done this. And so on.

    Anyway, what do you think is the reason that many PUA’s eventually go against their own advice and become beta, AFC, or monogamous?

    Because unlike me, they don’t think long-term. They only think in terms of what they want right now, when they’re 27 years old (or whatever). Then they hit 35 and say, “Oh no! Now what???”

    Is there a point where banging lots of women with no long-term attachment becomes somewhat boring

    Yes. Particularly once a man crosses age 35. (For the vast majority of men at least; there are always unusual exceptions to the rule.)

    and a more committed relationship–up to even monogamy, becomes an exciting challenge or something?

    No. Ex-players do that as an overreaction to the lifestyle they’ve been living for the past several years, and because of (largely right-wing) Societal Programming.

    It is puzzling how so many PUA and manosphere guys end up going against or at least morphing their own methods, even after having huge success previously.

    It isn’t puzzling at all. If you A) don’t think long-term at all and B) don’t pay any attention to cleaning out your Societal Programming, being a PUA/player then later leaping into Disney monogamy is exactly what you’ll do.

  14. I did read the Truth right when it came out, when I was still kind of a beta lol… read the game afterwards which is a MUCH better read, and quite entertaining. Neil Strauss is one of my all time fav authors, all his books are great, even the truth has it’s entertaining moments, but i agree, it is very cringe worthy at times… there are far better books to invest your time into.

  15. Point there, and I knew this matter from some while ago..

    That when I’ve said that BD’s happiness state about to blind him(*or something like that)

    Did I get traditionally married? Did I get monogamous? Did I combine finances with a woman? Does a woman run my life now?

    How am I blinded? Please be very specific with your answer.

    You see that BD also become less organized lately, such as missed his important slot at FreedomFest.. you wondering why?

    One error makes me “less organized lately?” Please explain how. (I’ve actually gotten more IW work done this year so far than in any year in my entire life.)

    But next year he want to attend again with PF beside him.

    Yep. That will be awesome. What does this have to do with getting traditionally married or monogamous, which I am not?

    The only basic fundamental TRUTH is, “You can either love women or understand them.

    –never both.”

    End of story.

    That’s about the fifth or sixth time you’ve said that without backing it up. I told you last time that if you ever repeat that, you’ll have to explain it fully and defend it. If you say that one more time on this blog without doing so, I will have to delete the comment since you’ve more than had your say on this topic. Thanks.

    I did read the Truth right when it came out, when I was still kind of a beta lol… read the game afterwards which is a MUCH better read, and quite entertaining.

    Yes, The Game is a very good book, on multiple levels.

  16. Neil Strauss now is a lifestyle coach and promotes his “Deep Inner Game” society thing, bootcamps, and stuff.

    I think he wrote the Truth to peddle to the mainstream, female audience, while also trying to make money of PUA “mindset” training.

    Wrong name for the book, to be sure.

    Oneitis is a bitch.

    Great review from BD !

  17. It’s funny I’ve said this kind of stuff to some women about Non Monogamy who initially rebuked the idea from me being Over 33 and all.. Who later ended up coming full circle and agreeing with me.

    I feel like Non Monogamy may catch on mainstream later, but it will be presented from Leftists (Not Liberal) formats like BuzzFeed and College Humor. Which are formats I fucking can’t stand for their nonstop SJW nonsense and Virtue Signalling.

    Non Monogamy will probably catch on more with the Libertarian Right crowd too..

    It’ll always be rebuked by guys Hard Right/ Alpha 1.0 like Shapiro, Crowder (I’m not sure on).. But when they rebuke it they’ll be exposed as the Beta Right Snowflake types so they may just shut up to save face. They’ll call it their version of the Collapse of the West from their principles and POV.

    This could be a legitimate fatal blow to the institution of Marriage (TMM)

    Non Monogamy going mainstream will probably make men get a lot more serious Birth Control.

  18. Hi BD,

    It’s been a while since I posted a comment but I’ve been reading all your posts.

    This is my situation: I’ve been in a nonmonagamous relationship for 3 years. My boyfriend had another girlfriend but she recently dumped him because, although she knew about me, she was holding on to her Disney fantasy for dear life until she couldn’t anymore. To make a long story short, we are now monagamous by default and this is causing some anxiety in me because I know he has to start meeting new women to get an FB or another girlfriend. Although I try to tell my boyfriend about your system, he is an Alpha 1 and refuses to accept it because he doesn’t want me to see other men. Can you or PF talk a bit about handling jealousy or insecurities that arise from getting new FBs? Also, how do you keep sex exciting? The thought of my boyfriend enjoying sex more with someone new makes me very uncomfortable. But I know that’s reality, any ways to deal with it?

    Yes, nonmonogamy works but it’s definitely not an easy pill to swallow, especially for women.

  19. Hey BD,

     

    Since Online Dating is your area of expertise I suggest writing up a ” Choosing the Right Dating Site in 2018″ post discussing the pros and cons of the major ones based on age and other demographics.

    You’ve criticized certain dating sites in your other posts but I’ve never seen a post specifically reviewing the sites.

    There are alot of dating apps out there it can be a bit confusing for the beginner to know which platforms to prioritize over others.

    Thanks

     

  20. Perhaps this is most useful for those who don’t realize these forces are still lurking around in themselves.

    I think this is the right take.

    When I read this book, I was in the death rattle section of a contentious divorce.  It gave me perspective that I needed to get my head straight.  Because Neil never did get his straight, and where he wound up clearly wasn’t a good place.

    BD kinda glosses Neils relationship with his parents.  His mom is crazy and brings drama to his world to this day, notwithstanding a really horrific childhood.  For a lot of people who grow up in weird situations (my ex lived in a polygamist LDS group when she was 11-14, as I discovered after we separated) never get over the trauma.

    Maybe I’m over analyzing it, but Strauss seemed like he had this unmet neediness from his childhood.  Yes, I’m inferring he’s one of those men who wants his wife to mother him.  I can’t relate but I get it.

    The guy is wise but saddled with problems in the human condition that make his example less than optimal.  Caveat empor.

  21. To make a long story short, we are now monagamous by default and this is causing some anxiety in me because I know he has to start meeting new women to get an FB or another girlfriend. Although I try to tell my boyfriend about your system, he is an Alpha 1 and refuses to accept it because he doesn’t want me to see other men. Can you or PF talk a bit about handling jealousy or insecurities that arise from getting new FBs?

    PF is similar, in that she doesn’t mind when I have sex with current FBs she is already aware of, but if I ever add new (to her) FBs, she gets a little uncomfortable (until the new becomes current, then she doesn’t mind again). Interestingly, HBM was the exact opposite; she had no problem if I fucked new FBs, but re-fucking existing FBs made her really uneasy. So every woman is different about this.

    Yes, that’s a good topic. I’ll add it to the list.

    Since Online Dating is your area of expertise I suggest writing up a ” Choosing the Right Dating Site in 2018″ post discussing the pros and cons of the major ones based on age and other demographics.

    I already did a year and a half ago in this book here. Things haven’t changed much in a year and a half.

  22. I’m noticing more Women on Dating sites are using words like Monogamish and even being openly Poly!

    Keep in mind though I’m in California.. I most def think in the more Southern US it would be harder to divulge to a majority of Trad Con men that you’re Poly or desire to fuck other men if you’re a chick.

    Which is where you’ll see the cheating and such..

  23. Hey BD,

    How do you react when girls talk about “the one”? That you don’t fully love them if you still need to fuck other women. They sometimes ask “why am I not good enough”?

    Do you just state YOU don’t believe in monogamy, or do you say that monogamy in general, scientifically, does not work? I feel the latter is just impossible as it creates drama and stress… Like trying to convince a religious person that God does not exist….

  24. I’m noticing more Women on Dating sites are using words like Monogamish and even being openly Poly!

    Yep. It’s catching on. Though very slowly.

    Keep in mind though I’m in California.. I most def think in the more Southern US it would be harder to divulge to a majority of Trad Con men that you’re Poly or desire to fuck other men if you’re a chick.

    Which is where you’ll see the cheating and such..

    Correct.

    How do you react when girls talk about “the one”?

    I nod and smile and say nothing.

    That you don’t fully love them if you still need to fuck other women.

    “Suzi, have you ever fucked a guy you didn’t love?”

    “Well, yeah, of course!”

    “Then you just answered your own question, didn’t you?”

    They sometimes ask “why am I not good enough”?

    “You are good enough. I’m just talking about fucking, not love or companionship.”

    Do you just state YOU don’t believe in monogamy, or do you say that monogamy in general, scientifically, does not work?

    Both. Long-term monogamy does not work barring extremely rare exceptions to the rule. Short-term or serial monogamy can “work” as long as you never desire anything long-term and your drama tolerance is higher.

    I feel the latter is just impossible as it creates drama and stress… Like trying to convince a religious person that God does not exist….

    Logic alone doesn’t work well in convincing people of painful realities, yes. Thus, my blunt delivery style.

  25. This one makes me feel lucky I’ve done things backwards. From 22 to 44, I was in one of 3 LTR‘s (and am proud to say my partner at the time was < 30 for 18 total years). I never had that PUA time in my life where I was pulling new women with anything like regularity. When I was really young and really stupid I let many opportunities slip away.

    The last 2 years since my last LTR (really the last 20 years total), I’ve had oneitis for the bottle, but I put that away 2 weeks ago and have no intention of looking back.

    I read Mystery Method in the day, as well as some evo-psyche it was based on, like the Mating Mind and the Red Queen. All fascinating stuff. But the practical stuff wasn’t great…as BD always bangs on about, they said jack shit about relationship management.

    There are only 3 books I’m paying attention to right now: BD’s excellent Ultimate Younger Women Manual, a book called The Naked Mind which is helping me overcome alcoholism, and of course, the ever present Nietzsche.

    Having a roadmap for both bringing younger women into my life and managing them in a mutually beneficial sort of way (because of course a grown ass man doesn’t throw drama at a VYW who’s DTF) is exhilarating and intimidating…and now that I’m no longer drinking heavily every night, I feel my testosterone surging. I feel compelled to action in a way I never felt when I was drinking.

    Of course being under the barbell for the last 6 months helps…..a lot. I’ve had cute girls less than half my age open me. I live a bad ass life and everything BD says about older guys in his manual counts for me. As long as I’m not drinking, I’m all those things that the Type 2‘s crave. Smart, mature, seasoned, ordered, driven, the works. But no sugar baby shit, it’s all debt service and retirement savings for me.

    BD, I’m trusting you, bro. I’ve finally started putting in the #’s. I’m looking for FB‘s/low-end MLTR‘s, strictly under 30, as many as possible because I’ve never done this before and I need the experience. Even if I get 2 girls going I’ll still go out on first dates.

    For this stage in my life, the Ultimate Younger Woman Manual is vastly superior to any other single PUA book ever written.

  26. I read “The Game” when it came out in 2005.  Even then it was pretty obvious he was conflicted.  Lots of fun stories.  The PUAs bang tons of women.  Then suddenly, at the end, he gets oneitis for a girl who pushes him away.

    He gets obsessed and tries to game her and act aloof.  But she knows he’s hooked and really messes with his head.

    I think that may be the moral of the story…  We seem to be wired biologically to over value people we can’t have.  At the same time we tend to under value people we can have, or get too easily.  It took a bad oneitis breakup in my 20s to get over that, but I guess some never do.

  27. surrounded by other addicts of various sorts (sex addicts, food addicts, drug addicts, and so on).

    If I had enough money to do research on this, I swear, I would set out to prove that there is no such thing as addiction, just a series of bad decisions we have no discipline to resist. As someone who was hooked on alcohol, sleeping pills, and porn in his mid 20s, I can definitely say that I did those things so much because I was bored and had no real purpose in my life. I also had lots of money to waste.

    The fact that Strauss was brain dead enough to actually seek professional help because he had a “sex addiction” makes me want to buy copies of The Truth to burn them in protest.

    Like BD, I used to be a fan of PUAs. Taught me a lot of good skills I do with chicks to this day. From 2005 to 2013 I followed all of them: David D, Mystery, Johnny Soporno, even guys like Gunwitch who preached “make the ho say no” (I still follow that advice actually lol). Up until the 2010s these guys were good at what they did. Even RSD was alright up until 2013 or so.

    But now, to hell with them. If they’re not professional scam artists like RSD, they are either weaklings like Strauss’ ilk or even worse they are like Roosh and pursue a world that returns to the middle ages just because they have to travel to the third world to hook up with meh looking foreign chicks.

    I’m glad that we got guys like BD around who call out idiots who think that one itis will make them happier. And like I said with addictions, I wish I had the money to do research on this stuff and finally expose one itis once and for all for being one of the most toxic ways that humans have developed relationships for millennia.

  28. I would set out to prove that there is no such thing as addiction, just a series of bad decisions we have no discipline to resist.

    Here’s a tricky thing about addiction: If I said I was “addicted” to getting under my barbell, everyone would laugh at me, because being under the barbell is one of the healthiest things a man can do. However, I assure you I’m addicted to getting under my barbell. I was sick recently and couldn’t train, and it straight up sucked, I needed a “hit” of pulling my damned barbell.

    Addictions, by and large, are ways of short circuiting the human mind’s motivational system. This is why flapping to porn is such a compleat (spelled thusly) waste. I think it’s telling how much of our economy is built around delivering what I call the “big six”: alcohol, marijuana, porn, TV, video games and comfort food, all of these make you feel like you did something when, in fact, you haven’t.

    I hope all of this isn’t too far afield, but the piece did talk about addiction, and while I insist that addictions are absolutely very real things, developing the discipline to resist them could probably be considered Alpha Male 2.0 101. After all…..there are few things less “outcome-independent” than addiction.

    When it comes to sex, if you’re having a lot of it, you’re probably doing something right. One of my favorite manosphere lines is “Women don’t care about the struggle, they hang out at the finish line and fuck the winners.” Be a winner. I think that’s a primary difference between PUA and what we’re seeing these days. Game matters, but an internal locus of control plus a Mission are of paramount importance.

     

     

  29. If I had enough money to do research on this, I swear, I would set out to prove that there is no such thing as addiction, just a series of bad decisions we have no discipline to resist. As someone who was hooked on alcohol, sleeping pills, and porn in his mid 20s, I can definitely say that I did those things so much because I was bored and had no real purpose in my life. I also had lots of money to waste.

     

    While acting like that is true is certainly the most useful model to live by, there is good evidence that many addictions are heavily influenced by inherent biology.  Alcoholism being the most well studied example, there is strong recent evidence that shows that varying expression of GAT-3 GABA transporter could well be the underlying mechanism of alcoholic tendencies (Link).

    Having said that, personal responsibility is still paramount.  For some people, avoiding their particular poison, given family history and such, maybe should be the first and primary priority.

  30. I second what JudoJohn said about addiction.

    If I had enough money to do research on this, I swear, I would set out to prove that there is no such thing as addiction, just a series of bad decisions we have no discipline to resist

    Then addiction can be reframed as a deficit in discipline. The truth is that “mind”-related pathologies exist in humans, period. One of them is addiction. It doesn’t absolve people from the responsibility to take the actionable steps that can be taken to address them, of course.

  31. Having said that, personal responsibility is still paramount.  For some people, avoiding their particular poison, given family history and such, maybe should be the first and primary priority.

    Bingo, and thanks. I really only have control over the first drink, but I have exquisite control over that.

    BTW, the teetotaler thing really gives BD’s teachings about VYW considerable clout, at least in my book. Show me a normal, middle/upper middle class dude in his 40’s who has regular success with VYW, and I’ll show you a dude who rarely drinks.

  32. Strauss’ book on Motley Crüe, “The Dirt: Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band”, is even more entertaining than “The Game”.  Less deep, but harder to put down.

    “what do you think is the reason that many PUA’s eventually go against their own advice and become beta, AFC, or monogamous?”

    You didn’t ask me, but I think most players eventually reach a point where they want deeper pair bonding or children or the trappings of a married life.  At that point, the skills they’ve learned ladykilling are not enough (though they’re a start) to combine their former alphaness with their new goals.  Additional knowledge and skills are needed as well, and that knowledge is counterintuitive.  (I respect how well Blackdragon’s been able to piece all the clues together.)

  33. Great review. And well done for actually finishing the book. I just couldn’t do it. Like you I started and stopped many times and tried to push through it. But in the end I just couldn’t and gave up! Kept making me want to vomit!! 🙂

  34. I’m coming around to the idea that substance and alcohol addiction is just frustrated sexual drive. If you’re healthy and you have really good sex with intense orgasms, you get pretty much everything you could get from drugs and alcohol. If you’re not getting it, you need a substitute.

  35. I’m coming around to the idea that substance and alcohol addiction is just frustrated sexual drive. If you’re healthy and you have really good sex with intense orgasms, you get pretty much everything you could get from drugs and alcohol. If you’re not getting it, you need a substitute.

    I’m not so sure about that. I get a ridiculous amount of good sex with multiple partners and have done for many years. Plus I’ve always been very fit, and have exercised every week consistently for over 35 years and eat quite healthy. But I love to party as well and have had a lot of trouble trying to keep my alcohol under control. Never really been into drugs but I think alcohol can get its hooks into anyone regardless of your other life situations if you are not careful with it. It’s a highly addictive substance in its own right and if you get into the habit of drinking to much it changes your brain chemistry and becomes very hard to quit.

  36.  

    It’s a highly addictive substance in its own right and if you get into the habit of drinking to much it changes your brain chemistry and becomes very hard to quit.

    Yeah fair call, hard to deny, looking around my circle. Maybe I’m generalizing from my own experience too much. But at least I’d say good sex is a fundamental part of recovery for an alcoholic.

  37. BD, thanks for the honest review. But, don’t you think at the end of the day nature wins.

    No matter how much a guy tries to psychologically learn and practice Game and overcome his SP.

    When it comes to women, most men are born betas. In the end, biology trumps psychology.

    So maybe guys like Neil, Mystery, Gene Simmons, David DeAngelo, etc… are just defaulting to their biological imperative with a dab of SP.

    After all, sex is every man’s Achille’s heel and love is his kryptonite.

  38. For this stage in my life, the Ultimate Younger Woman Manual is vastly superior to any other single PUA book ever written.

    Glad I could help!

  39. But, don’t you think at the end of the day nature wins.

    Nature designed men to fuck multiple women, not one.

    Long-term Monogamy is a corruption of nature.

    It would therefore be more accurate to say that “Societal Programming wins.” And yes, it usually does, as I’ve said before.

  40. BD,

    There’s a series on Netflix called “Explained” and one of the episodes is about nonmonogamy.  It’s good to see this seeping into mainstream a little more each day, even if it has been slow.  I had a few friends mention it to me since they know my stance on these things.

    It’s a short episode at about 18 minutes but a great intro into the concept-hopefully people check it out.

    And congrats on getting through that book-I’ve seen excerpts and it was painful to read just that little bit. The sex addiction thing is beyond ridiculous. As I saw in a comedy routine from Sebastian Manascalco, he nailed it when he said “there aren’t any single guys in the clinic, just married guys who got caught”

  41. I’m coming around to the idea that substance and alcohol addiction is just frustrated sexual drive.

    This one goes the other direction sometimes. In these days of Incels, I was up at a burrito shop legit working (I work remotely) and a woman interrupted my work to buy me a beer. I hadn’t seen her, she was cute enough, probably late 20’s/early 30’s, there to work on a presentation. This is not one off, I’ve had IOI’s as clear as a 21 y/o Russian girl at the same joint see me sit at the bar, grab her drink, walk over to me, sit next to me and open me. This is not bragging, these are statements of fact that indeed paint me in a poor light….I should be drowning in pussy. My logistics are tight yet I’m here alone all the time. Stupid.

    Chewing on why I did nothing to follow up on this situation seriously got me on the path to not drinking. All this talk of IOI’s….interrupting me at work? Yeah, she was looking to get railed out by a stud, and I am a stud, 5’9″ & 158#’s at 45 y/o, not skinnyfat either, I’m under the goddamned barbell, plus I do judo and climb.

    Now….that said, I think there are some absolutely hopeless cases out there. They aren’t my problem, but I think for some there is no doubt that drink and drugs take the place of sex.

    I think it’s a problem that for healthy guys like me, when drink replaces sex. It’s bad. It’s very bad. And I think there’s pent up demand for sex with sober guys among females. I updated my Tinder profile, “I stopped drinking XX days ago after a 20 year bender ‘cuz it’s killing my gainz. Seriously, I was lifting heavy and supplementing with a 12 pack of beer. Now it’s just creatine. Don’t care if you drink, I’m done.” Now, keep in mind, Facebook thinks I’m 25, and I hide my age with Tinder Gold….I show a current pic, gray hair and all….and I had 8 matches the first night. Some with women who were 3 when I said in black and white I started drinking too much. Listen to BD, if you’re not exceptionally good looking skip Tinder….but I’m not convinced it’s useless for those of us who won the looks lottery (although even when I was drinking, I was otherwise taking exquisite care of myself.)

     

  42. The only “truth” I have learned is this. As a male, if you get traditionally, monogamously married at a young age, remain faithful, and stay married for life, you will be miserable.  There very, very few exceptions.  For those older men who have been married for decades and appear happy, scratch just a bit below the surface and the truth comes out.

    There are lots of different ways to do life other than early TMM, serial monogamy, nonmonogamy, polyamory, swinging, staying single, marrying late in life. It’s endless. They all have advantages and disadvantages, work better for some men and worse for others.

    But the only thing abosutely guaranteed to bring a modern man a lifetime of misery is to get TMM early in life, have kids, stay faithful and remain married for life.

  43. @Harry Flashman

    That’s because TMM is not meant to make you happy as a man.  It’s to maintain the social order which doesn’t give a shit about your contentment.

    We all have to decide as men which one of many roads in life make the most sense and bring the most happiness to us long term (not just short term).   Step 1 is knowing yourself through tons of reflection and formulating a life mission.

    Society wants to shove us all into the same mold regardless of your personality which is why there are so many breakdowns of relationships.

  44. Actually the book made me realized more than monogamy did not work…. I also could see that just like the game, were Neil used to book to hammer rsd, and to game lisa… In this book he got back at his parents and game Ingrid… I just a sales job… Neil is a master manipulated, don’t get fool….

    The game was to put himself as the pua authority, get back at rsd, and game lisa…

    This is to get back at his parents, put himself as the relationship authority, game ingrid…

     

    All bloggers including you bd use the blogs sometimes to send messages to women we are dating…

     

    Neil is a genius and he is fucked somewhat in the head… No way i can go after my parents no matter what.

  45. I was talking to my buddy who is going thru a divorce.  He was complaining about how horrible the divorce was and how depressed he was about support, maintenance payments, attorney fees, and supporting a household on one income.  My response was no matter how difficult things get after the divorce, money wise, nothing compares to the misery of a bad monogamous marriage.  I’m neck deep in financial commitments due to the divorce (attorney fees/support) and I’m still happier than I have been in my life.  I go to work, come home and do whatever the fuck I want.  Or I don’t come home, get drinks, go to a hotel and have sex.  Or I call someone to come over to have sex with me and because of BD and this site they do.  Or I take a nap with the dog.  No one tells me shit.

    The only justification for a live-in, monogamous relationship is for kids.  Shit, I have my 14 year old 6 days a week so you don’t even need it for that once they get old enough.

  46. The only “truth” I have learned is this. As a male, if you get traditionally, monogamously married at a young age, remain faithful, and stay married for life, you will be miserable.  There very, very few exceptions.  For those older men who have been married for decades and appear happy, scratch just a bit below the surface and the truth comes out.

    There are lots of different ways to do life other than early TMM, serial monogamy, nonmonogamy, polyamory, swinging, staying single, marrying late in life. It’s endless. They all have advantages and disadvantages, work better for some men and worse for others.

    Very well said.

  47. All bloggers including you bd use the blogs sometimes to send messages to women we are dating

    I have literally never done this. (At least not consciously.)

  48. I have been the most ideologically consistent content provider in all of the manosphere / PUA over the last ten years. 

    This is big deal (to me).  Big ups/kudos to BD for consistency, as well as for the overall positive message(s) he has been consistently writing about for quite a while, um, consistently.

    How can you complain the book was uncomfortable to read, when that’s literally written in caps on the cover? : )

    Haha

  49. Hey BD, is there a difference between having just one MLTR and FBs on the side compared the just having an OLTR and FBs on the side ?      I simply don’t see myself having an emotional relationship with more than one woman at a time.

  50. Hey BD, is there a difference between having just one MLTR and FBs on the side compared the just having an OLTR and FBs on the side ?

    Yes. There is a huge difference. OLTRs are far more difficult and time consuming than MLTRs, and are only recommended for men over 30 with a decent amount of nonmono relationship experience.

    I simply don’t see myself having an emotional relationship with more than one woman at a time.

    Then I don’t see a problem with one MLTR and FBs on the side.

  51. The only “truth” I have learned is this. As a male, if you get traditionally, monogamously married at a young age, remain faithful, and stay married for life, you will be miserable.  There very, very few exceptions.  For those older men who have been married for decades and appear happy, scratch just a bit below the surface and the truth comes out.

    This is so true. I live in a unit complex with quite a few older couples that have obviously been together a long time. The guys walk around beside or even slightly behind their wives with the heads bowed and look a lot like dogs that have been beaten a lot. They certainly don’t look very happy with their lives.

    My parents were together for 57 years, married for 52 before my Dad died. Definitely wouldn’t say he was miserable. He was reasonably happy most of his life. But I would describe it as a dull half alive, half happy state of existent. Most of his life was lived in a sense of duty rather than really being excited about his life. Towards the end you could tell he was getting ready and happy to die as he couldn’t be bothered living anymore as he’d done all his duty to his kids etc and didn’t really have a lot more to live for.

  52. What do you think about Robert Greene books? Are they worth the time reading?

    I think they’re good but a little overrated.

    Yeah I agree. I got two books from him, the two mentioned actually and I tried to pick them up a few times but never managed to reed much. I find his stuff way too superficial with hazy examples that are a bit detached from reality, even though it all seems true/right and on the right spot.

    Its def not on the level of Machievelly like some reviews claim. Machievelly is a an eloquent masterpiece.

  53. All bloggers including you bd use the blogs sometimes to send messages to women we are dating…

    What do you mean? How? Why? What? Can you explain?

  54. I met Neil and Ingrid a few times when he interviewed me about Sex 3.0 at his house in Malibu

    He and Ingrid do not have an exclusive relationship.

    To say that he “monogamously marries her” is a total mis-read of the book and is a flat out lie.

    As far as I can tell they are happily in a pretty Sex 3.0 unfenced relationship and now they have a kid.

     

  55. To say that he “monogamously marries her” is a total mis-read of the book and is a flat out lie.

    JJ can you point to any source, online or offline, that corroborates this? If so, I will check it out and will revise that statement with an apology to Neil. (But if you can’t, then my statement stands, since it’s just your word against what Neil strongly implied in his book.)

  56. @BD

    Well both of the conversations we had about it (once in Malibu and once in London) were one on one.

    I agree with you that this could and should have been made clearer in the book.

    He seemed a little irritated that a number of reviews of the book went with the headline “Former PUA Embraces monogamy” or something along those lines but it an easy angle for a journalist to take and, as a former journalist himself he should have guessed that.

    Oh well.

    Personally I enjoyed the book. It’s a story of struggle and he put himself in various spots that neither you nor I would find ourselves in (especially not me since I have never been monogamously married).

    The way I read the book was a story of a dude looking for and finally finding a Sex 3.0 unfenced relationship but the book was already written before we first met.

    I could have saved him a lot of time but then he would not have the extra $$$ that the book brought and it did very well as far as I can tell 😉

  57. Then my statement stands, and I will stand by it until someone can show me a documented source that Neil actually fucks other women besides Ingrid right now (or if Neil states this himself). (And remember, if Neil started out this way and is now de facto monogamous, he’s still monogamous and my statements still stand.)

    Just like I told Richard LaRuina, if Neil truly has a polyamourous marriage (which I really doubt), then he should be shouting that to the rooftops and clearly stating why he’s doing that instead of monogamy (because long-term monogamy doesn’t work, as he damn well knows). He should not be pretending he’s monogamous and coyly dodging questions about it when asked about it publicly, as he’s done repeatedly like in that video I linked to. And if he does that, and journalists (and I) call him monogamous and he doesn’t like it, it’s his fucking fault. What else are they supposed to think?

    As I’ve said several times before, I seem to be the only guy in this space who has the balls to clearly declare publicly, and under my real name, that I have sex with other women besides the fact I’m (OLTR) married, and I should not be. There should be a lot of other well-known men in PUA / manosphere standing by me and supporting this message. Yet I am the only one.

    So either Neil is monogamous (which I think is most likely, knowing his history) or he’s lying to all of us and pretending to be, further perpetuating Guy-Disney (“Long-term monogamy works great as long as you find the right girl, guys!) and the resultant pain and destruction among modern men. Both of these things are very bad.

  58. @BD

    You are the only one?

    Although I am not married I have been unfenced and 3.0 since 2001 and have multiple long term relationships.

    Of my various current relationships, the longest lasting one is 17 years – yup I still have the very first one.

    Most marriages don’t even last that long.

  59. You are the only one?

    Yes.

    Although I am not married

    There you go. There are plenty of unmarried men who admit nonmonogamy; that’s easy. I’m talking about men who live with a woman full-time and proclaim to the world that they’re married.

  60. There are also plenty of married people who are not monogamous

    It’s called cheating … it’s terribly popular I hear

  61. Going back to this, I now have a personal vendetta against monogamy. So for the last year or so I’ve been living with my mother and stepfather, who have been in a TMM for 15 years. Both are retired, relying on the government to give them money. This stresses them out. My mother de-stresses by gambling and getting high. My stepfather de-stresses by drinking. Alcohol turns him into a monster who constantly threatens to hit myself and my mother. He physically challenged me to a fight via text last night.

    This is the ENDGAME of TMM, everyone (as well as just working for the man your whole life and expecting a gold watch after). At least for me it is, as it created a reference experience so powerful. Its what happens when you make the decision to not be an Alpha 2.

    Being Alpha 2 and resisting TMM as much as possible is the ONLY path to long term happiness: End of. It was proven to me (for the umpteenth time) last night, and it will continue to prove itself again and again.

    The fact that Strauss still embraces one itis and TMM shows me that he is electing not to be happy in the long term.

  62. Did you read what I wrote?

    They don’t have a TMM

    How the hell do we know? How the hell do you know? Who the hell are you? Are you some kind of professional Neil Strauss expert? Are you his personal friend? Even if you talked to Neil at some point (and how the hell do we know???) how do you know he wasn’t playing up something he wasn’t doing? Or did in the past? How do you know he’s still doing it today? He was married quite a few years ago.

    Before you go around calling people lairs because they’ve interpreted pretty clear indications that Strauss is monogamous, you might want to look up the word “hearsay” my friend.

    Present your evidence or shut up.

  63. If the 3:45 “Is Monogamy Natural?” video on his site is an adequate summation of the book, then it truly is uncomfortable, because in the video he manages to say absolutely nothing as to relative merits of different relationship structures.

  64. video on his site is an adequate summation of the book, then it truly is uncomfortable,

    Well, to be fair, it isn’t.

    because in the video he manages to say absolutely nothing as to relative merits of different relationship structures.

    Yup. That’s the problem. And Neil is a smart guy who knows better. He dodging the topic and he knows it.

  65. There are also plenty of married people who are not monogamous

    It’s called cheating … it’s terribly popular I hear

    LOL

  66. Accepting the premise that monogamy doesn’t work, what is the best way to have and raise children if you’re a man who has that objective? What should I advise my son to do?

  67. @JP: search “OLTR” and/or “OLTR marriage” and/or “raise kids” on this blog, you should find what you need.

  68. This post inspire me to get hold of The Game. Hilarious! Those guys had a blast. The take away for me is that people sure can transform if they put their mind to it. But why the hell would anyone even EXPECT them to be particularly good at relationship management?! They never pretended for a second that that’s what they were about. It was just make the deal, get laid, move on. Half the time they couldn’t even get out of her flat gracefully the next morning.

  69. There’s a phrase that describes Neil Strauss’s writing mindset: the professional ingenue.

    Think of Strauss’s variation as a male version of Carrie Bradshaw, the writer-protagonist of “Sex and the City”, with all of the same kinds of exposed inner monologues that Candace Bushnell loaded into the Bradshaw character.

    The technique works because even you got sucked into the hype of a writer-protagonist going through self-inflicted life misery for the supposed edification of the readers.

    Lately the joke’s been on the readers because he’s been phoning it in.

    That’s why the Mystery suit doesn’t fit the character of the clown: Pagliacci’s got this mise en scene covered in the first act.

    Go ahead, put on the costume, Neil! Vesti la giubba!

    Your audience awaits! They still buy your books!

  70. @ X

    That was a great article. Who is this guy and do you have some more stuff of his?

     

  71. @Tony

    Unfortunately the blog has been closed and deleted from the web archive. Some stuff is available here http://archive.li/therawness.com but that’s about it.

  72. The technique works because even you got sucked into the hype of a writer-protagonist going through self-inflicted life misery for the supposed edification of the readers.

    I’m complaining about what he’s doing. You’re talking about why he’s doing it. I know is exactly what he’s doing and and it’s in no way relevant to my point.

    He’s falsely (though indirectly) advertising long-term monogamy as a valid option for player-type men in the modern era, thus contributing to the continued downfall of these men. You may care why he’s doing that, but I don’t.

  73. My reading of the book is that Neil and Ingrid agreed to some sort of tacit non monogamy which Neil obliquely hints at in the end of the book.

    BD’s criticism is fair in that Neil is pandering to the mainstream and/or “protecting” Ingrid from publicly admitting that they are non monogamous.  BD talks the talk and walks the walk. Neil can’t or won’t since it would not fit the narrative. Or, to be cynical, it would not sell books.

  74. @Tony

    The blog is gone and delisted from the web archive. There are few pages saved at archive.is but that’s about it. It’s a shame it’s gone.

  75. @MMM

    Well both of them, if they stated it would be subject to a fair amount of relationship duress to be fair

  76. I couldn’t get through it for separate reasons (lots of fucked up explicit descriptions of his trauma and other patients’ trauma).

    Funnily enough, when Neil announced his marriage on his blog, I literally told him to think twice and read a link I posted from your blog about nonomogamy. So, yknow, I’m aware he knows who you are and could’ve come to the same conclusion years ago, but hey, I tried.

    I’m goddamned surprised he went back to his girlfriend. I mean, the scene at the beginning where he draws a diagram at a group therapy session about how nonmonogamy is a viable option felt like it was straight out of your worldview, BD. It just seems impossible to me for a thinking person to come to that conclusion, then walk back from it. It’s like ignoring math.

    I mean, honestly, Neil can keep his beliefs about general human dating and monogamy if he wants, but it should be stunningly obvious that NEIL FUCKING STRAUSS will be incapable of sleeping with one woman. The sheer sex drive on that man is so strong he literally built a career out of it and writing about it to others. You don’t walk back from that kind of hunger, just from a brain standpoint. Tbh this is what surprises me even about people with average beliefs about how love=monogamy and happiness=monogamy: if they cheat and have a really high sex drive throughout their lives, they should be able to keep their flawed worldview but realize that they’re not cut out for monogamy.

    Like, if someone has had dozens or hundreds of sexual partners, and has had a lot of wacky sex escapades, and has cheated multiple times in monogamous relationships, at a certain point you should just throw in the towel and understand your basic nature and give in to it, no? I’d like to believe that if I was like that I’d still be able to see myself for who I was and structure my life accordingly. Like, even if I was culturally programmed to think monogamy=love and nonmonogamy=bad, I’d like to believe I’d still say “Man, I don’t want to keep cheating on people and hurting them, I’ll just never commit to anyone so no-one gets cheated on”.

  77. Yknow what, you’re right…Neil explained it all too clearly in the book. He knows him in a monogamous relationship is a bad idea. He knows it. He knows the logic is against him. He’s just trapped in his emotions or something (I know you’d say SP or one-itis, I just dislike using jargon specific to only one subculture). That’s more fucked up to me than your average guy getting with a girlfriend or married, or your average non-intelligent player getting monogamous–at least they have no idea what they’re signing up for.

    But Neil KNOWS. He can DIAGRAM what he fucking knows.

    That’s really haunting, that he’s putting himself through this despite that knowledge.

  78. It just seems impossible to me for a thinking person to come to that conclusion, then walk back from it. It’s like ignoring math.

    Its societal programming combined with a predisposition for oneitis coupled with a huge emotional neediness that is made worse by a really messed up parents.

    i think NS absolutely knows better but SP can have almost inescapable gravity.  Even when you know it’s there, it just keeps messing with you in insidious ways that suck you back in.

  79. I’m surprised that no one posted here but Neil’s getting divorced

    Meh, not surprised and don’t really care. Always knew that he was a TMM guy. A lot of dating coaches are.

    I would be too, if there was some kind of benefit to it. But there never was, for either sex.

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