I’ve talked a lot about NRE and how the first few months or weeks of a new relationship is so exciting and pleasurable that people often go temporarily insane or stupid, doing or saying horrifically absurd things they would normally not.

There’s a flip side to this, a sort of mirror image to NRE. That is the horrible feeling of loneliness and scarcity a man can often feel right after the end of a serious relationship, be that a traditional girlfriend or wife, an OLTR / OLTR wife, or perhaps even a long-term, high-end MLTR.

During this time, the pain of the relationship ending is so distressing that some men often go temporarily insane or stupid, doing or saying horrifically absurd things they would normally not. Just like when they were in NRE, only in reverse.

Here is a list of the common stupid, insane shit men do or say during this temporary period of insanity, and their answers.

1. “I will never find another woman like that again!” or “I will never find another woman that good again!”

Obliviously an irrational and factually untrue statement. Unless you live in a very small town (in which case you need to move if your woman-life is important to you), statistically speaking, there are likely well over 100,000 attractive (to you) women within the age ranges you like within a one-hour drive of your home. The odds of none of these women being like or better than the one you just broke up with are miniscule.

2. “It took me four years to find her! Now I have to wait another four years! Waaaaaaa!!!”

Incorrect. You won’t. Here’s why:

First, you’re better at women, dating, and relationships than you were four years ago. You’re also probably more confident and outcome independent. Men improve with age, generally speaking. You’re saying that it took the four-years-younger version of you to find a woman like that. But it won’t take you four years to find a woman like that, assuming that’s your priority.

It only took me about a year and a half, if that, to find Pink Firefly once I made the decision to do so. But it may have taken the 2007 version of me perhaps five years to do the same. Comparing 2018 me to 2007 me would be both stupid and inaccurate.

Second, during those four years you weren’t cruising for a serious relationship the entire time. If you look back on those four years, I’m quite sure that you’ll find that most of that time you were probably just having fun and banging chicks after the last relationship you had that didn’t work out, not being a serious male provider hunter looking for a girlfriend or wife.

So if, out of those four years, you spent 2.5 years just getting laid and having fun, then it didn’t take you four years to find her. It only took you 1.5 years. So stop being a dumbass and artificially expanding the numbers to make your bullshit pity-party look worse than it really is.

Next, you should wait at least a year after a big breakup or divorce before you get serious with any new woman, period, particularly if you lived together for more than a year or so. You are in no emotional condition to get into another serious relationship right now, you idiot! People who monkey-branch from one serious relationship to the next are the stupidest people in the universe, and I’m amazed so many people do this.

After a big breakup with a long-term woman, you need to calm down, stop thinking about girlfriends or marriages or kids or any of that stuff, and take at least a year and focus on your work, goals, Mission, fitness, and getting laid with hot FBs and perhaps some low-end MLTRs. That’s it! The last thing you should be thinking about right now is getting into another serious relationship.

Lastly, and I’ve made this point many times before, let’s say it does take you two years (or whatever) to find the next quality (to you) woman. During those two years, do you know what you’ll be doing? I’ll tell you what you’ll be doing: having sex with lots of attractive women while looking for Ms. Perfect. Oh, the horror. Poor you! What a horrible two years you must endure! Having sex with all these hot girls as you look for the best one… yeah… terrible… I feel so sorry for you. You should start crying.

3. “I’m only attracted to super unusual women with this one (or several) specific trait(s). It will take me forever to find another one like that!”

Incorrect. I already answered that here.

4. “I think I’ll just kill myself.”

Yep, guys actually say this. Go here and look at how I actually had to shut down the comments in that thread because dumped guys were threatening to kill themselves, all because their girlfriends broke up with them. I occasionally get emails like this too.

Sigh.

If you feel like killing yourself just because a woman left you, even if you don’t actually mean it but feel that bad, what does that say about you? What does that say about what kind of man you are? What does that say about your life? That your entire life is destroyed because a girl doesn’t want to be your GF or wife anymore? Was your entire life about her? Do you think that’s a good thing?

Seek mental health counseling if you need to, then, for god’s sake, read my book. You really, really need it.

5. “You don’t understand BD, I’ve fucked a lot of girls and she Wasn’t Like The Rest™.”

Then why did she leave you?

The fact she left you is proof positive that she clearly was just like the rest.

There is no Unicorn Woman! Read this.

There are other hilarious things men say during the post-breakup period where they go temporarily insane, but they usually fall into one of the above five categories.

If you experience a breakup, follow my usual sequence in order to get her back, which works 94% of the time assuming you’ve done everything correctly in the relationship up until the breakup:

1. Do not initiate any contact with her in any way whatsoever for any reason for at least four months. Six months or longer is better.

2. If she contacts you before then, have a brief conversation then invite her over to your place. If she agrees, mission accomplished, have sex. If she doesn’t, nicely end the conversation and resume the no-contact period. If she keeps contacting you but clearly resists seeing you in person, nicely tell her you don’t do friend zone and stop responding to her contact for about 1-3 months.

3. If you don’t hear from her after at least four months (six months or more is better), then check her social media to see if she has a new man in her life. If she does, wait another six months.

4. If she doesn’t or it’s not clear, hit her up, have a nice, friendly conversation, and pitch a meet at your place. If she agrees, mission accomplished, have sex. If she doesn’t, or doesn’t respond to your contact, wait another 6-12 months or more, and try again.

5. If you are emotionally unable to do the above, seek mental health counseling, since there is something deeper wrong with you. Also read this book to get some meaning, direction, and excitement in your life, and read this book so you won’t make the same mistakes with the next woman.

70 Comments on “How To Deal With Scarcity Mentality After A Breakup

  1. People who monkey-branch from one serious relationship to the next are the stupidest people in the universe, [emphasis mine] and I’m amazed so many people do this.

    I’m sure you don’t mean this literally. The monkey-branch swinging is in fact a mental issue, by psychologists called love addiction. It can also be addiction to being adored and approved, or a mix of all three. I’m not saying this isn’t stupid behaviour, I’m saying this behaviour isn’t created by those people innate stupidity, but their extraordinarily unhealthy belief system, which they’re most likely unaware of.

    You make a good point on mental health and I shall expand on that: anyone reading this blog and trying to better themselves should first check if they’re depressed or if they have mentally unhealthy belief systems, then hit up CBT therapist or grab a good CBT book. The latter is what I did after I’ve found out I simply couldn’t do most of the exercises in your book properly for months because of behaving, thinking and feeling like a mental mess.

    Those people with unhealthy beliefs about love, approval, self-esteem, aren’t going to understand this post, because technically, I’d say it isn’t a solution if you haven’t got your beliefs sorted out in the first place.

  2. Hey BD,

    (Side topic)

    What’s your view on sex?

    Do you take take that sex as means to an end, or an end in itself?

  3. And what if YOU dumped the girl because you are not attracted anymore, but you want to stay in contact with her because she’s really a good person and you have friends in common?

  4. Good article (until last couple of paragraphs), but it must be said that the feeling of a loss and complete emptiness after the break-up can do some pretty serious shit even to the best of us. So it’s ok to cut these guys some slack when they talk that nonsense. Most of them realize they are being stupid, its just a phase.

    The last bit about getting her back is counter-productive, in my opinion. Some guys might take it as a signal to not give up and try to win her back. Only reinforces oneitis and develops tunnel vision. The message should be: move on. She doesn’t want you in her life anymore. Finish. Finita. The end. Cut your losses and find women who want to be around you. There are plenty of those.

  5. You make a good point on mental health and I shall expand on that: anyone reading this blog and trying to better themselves should first check if they’re depressed or if they have mentally unhealthy belief systems, then hit up CBT therapist or grab a good CBT book. The latter is what I did after I’ve found out I simply couldn’t do most of the exercises in your book properly for months because of behaving, thinking and feeling like a mental mess.

    Wow. Talk about synchronicity. I too was having difficulty putting concepts and exercises from the unchained man into practice because of this. Caleb correctly identified this in our coaching and suggested I see a therapist. I resisted at first because I have spent countless hours and dollars on antidepressants and therapists in the past and didn’t want to go down that rabbit hole all over again.

    I followed Caleb’s suggestion to get a blood test to address my physiology first. At the time, I was more amenable to looking into addressing that side of the equation since I have never looked into it before.

    Low and behold, I had a T level at 415 (very low for age 30) my primary care provider did not want to do anything about. I also had low t3 & t4, vitamin D and DHEA. (If you don’t know what that is do yourself a favor and join the SMIC program and listen to Caleb’s podcasts, they are pure gold). I had to go see another Dr. just as Caleb said in the podcast might be the case if your PCP isn’t motivated to address it.

    Now that the hormonal side had been addressed and I was feeling much better, I noticed I was more in control more often, and was optimistic more often. I also noticed less anger, improved sleep, and increased OI in day to day life.

    I no longer needed anti-depressants or any other medication. I focused on making sure I did exactly what Caleb laid out in his postcast in the SMIC program “Stop getting oneitis”- and made sure to:

    1. Drink plenty of water

    2. Clean up my diet

    3. Exercise hard at least once every 48 hours

    4. Get a MINIMUM of 8 hours of sleep every night

    5. Focus on your Goals and MISSION- These are your life- NOT HER -Get visual! Get Excited about the things that are important in your life that have nothing to do with women.

    After doing all this, things had improved greatly, but I still wasn’t 100% there. I still sadly found myself having oneitisy tendencies and finally relented that it was time to explore therapy once more. Since everything in my life is my fault, I don’t have a right to bitch and complain if I’m given good advice and don’t follow it. If having a consistently happy life is important to you, do yourself a favor, quit making excuses and get to work. The path is all laid out for you on this blog and in Caleb’s book.

    I highly recommend Dr. David Burns book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. You will see the error in your everyday cognition when you go through the exercises in there.

    It was through this book that I discovered CBT, and found a therapist that specialized in it. Finally I had found a concept of therapy that gave me homework and measurable goals instead of coming in every week and “venting”; spinning my wheels and getting nowhere.

    Describing this period after a breakup as the opposite of NRE is DEAD ON. Whenever you find yourself in a negative state, listen to what your mind is saying and challenge it head on with logic just as Caleb did point by point in this post.

    Come to a complete stop. Realize that you are not being rational right now. Your scarcity mentality truly is divorced from reality. You have an OVER ABUNDANCE of opportunity to design a life that will make you consistently happy. All you have to do is the work.

    If you address the physical and mental aspects, get focused on your mission, and utilize your resources in SMIC, there is no reason you cannot be one of the few men in the world with real freedom and long term consistent happiness.

    Great post Caleb. Thanks very much for this one.

    Cheers!

  6. You make a good point on mental health and I shall expand on that: anyone reading this blog and trying to better themselves should first check if they’re depressed or if they have mentally unhealthy belief systems, then hit up CBT therapist or grab a good CBT book. The latter is what I did after I’ve found out I simply couldn’t do most of the exercises in your book properly for months because of behaving, thinking and feeling like a mental mess.

     
    Wow. Talk about synchronicity. I too was having difficulty putting concepts and exercises from the unchained man into practice because of this. Caleb correctly identified this in our coaching and suggested I see a therapist. I resisted at first because I have spent countless hours and dollars on antidepressants and therapists in the past and didn’t want to go down that rabbit hole all over again.
     
    I followed Caleb’s suggestion to get a blood test to address my physiology first. At the time, I was more amenable to looking into addressing that side of the equation since I have never looked into it before.
     
    Low and behold, I had a T level at 415 (very low for age 30) my primary care provider did not want to do anything about. I also had low t3 & t4, vitamin D and DHEA. (If you don’t know what that is do yourself a favor and join the SMIC program and listen to Caleb’s podcasts, they are pure gold). I had to go see another Dr. just as Caleb said in the podcast might be the case if your PCP isn’t motivated to address it.
     
    Now that the hormonal side had been addressed and I was feeling much better, I noticed I was more in control more often, and was optimistic more often. I also noticed less anger, improved sleep, and increased OI in day to day life.
     
    I no longer needed anti-depressants or any other medication. I focused on making sure I did exactly what Caleb laid out in his postcast in the SMIC program “Stop getting oneitis”- and made sure to:
    1. Drink plenty of water
    2. Clean up my diet
    3. Exercise hard at least once every 48 hours
    4. Get a MINIMUM of 8 hours of sleep every night
    5. Focus on your Goals and MISSION- These are your life- NOT HER -Get visual! Get Excited about the things that are important in your life that have nothing to do with women.
     
    After doing all this, things had improved greatly, but I still wasn’t 100% there. I still sadly found myself having oneitisy tendencies and finally relented that it was time to explore therapy once more. Since everything in my life is my fault, I don’t have a right to bitch and complain if I’m given good advice and don’t follow it. If having a consistently happy life is important to you, do yourself a favor, quit making excuses and get to work. The path is all laid out for you on this blog and in Caleb’s book.
     
    I highly recommend Dr. David Burns book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. You will see the error in your everyday cognition when you go through the exercises in there.
    It was through this book that I discovered CBT, and found a therapist that specialized in it. Finally I had found a concept of therapy that gave me homework and measurable goals instead of coming in every week and “venting”; spinning my wheels and getting nowhere.
     
    Describing this period after a breakup as the opposite of NRE is DEAD ON. Whenever you find yourself in a negative state, listen to what your mind is saying and challenge it head on with logic just as Caleb did point by point in this post.
     
    Come to a complete stop. Realize that you are not being rational right now. Your scarcity mentality truly is divorced from reality. You have an OVER ABUNDANCE of opportunity to design a life that will make you consistently happy. All you have to do is the work.
     
    If you address the physical and mental aspects, get focused on your mission, and utilize your resources in SMIC, there is no reason you cannot be one of the few men in the world with real freedom and long term consistent happiness.
     
    Great post Caleb. Thanks very much for this one.
    Cheers!

  7. @Hank Specter

    Pardon me, Sir!

    But your writing style is more like come from a template on copywriting course that I’ve attending a while ago 😐

    PS: A commenter below me also had a good writing style.

  8. I learned a long time ago that people imagine worst case scenarios for negative things that happen in their lives. They do this as a buffer to protect themselves from bad news.

    For example, bosses are having a meeting at work, must be layoffs going down, I’m next, might as well pack my boxes now. We had a guy at work who repeatedly went through this sequence whenever there was a big meeting of the bosses. It got so stupid, we would knowingly hand him boxes and say, we’ve heard something, then watch the hamster spin. It was cruel in a way, but entertaining to watch.

    People do this with relationships. Get divorced, and think, I’ll never find another that good, or another at all. She breaks up with you after a year or so, same thing. Worst case scenario.

    What I found helped was realizing human did this as a survival mechanism. That noise outside the cave, maybe a wild animal ready to attack. Better to be ready for the worst, and discover it’s only a mouse, than be unprepared and attacked. Breath a sign of relief. That big meeting of the bosses, just reviewing the latest staff survey. Phew, survived another one.

    Knowing I have built in triggers to imagine worst case scenarios, means I can manage my fears. I realize it’s my primitive brain going off again, and just calm down and carry on.

    Thanks BD for posting this as I’m right in the middle of my last break up and you gave me a good reminder. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t think that I couldn’t replace her, it was her contacting me, but then going nowhere beyond some texting. I forgot the lesson of no contact, and was making things worse with her. I needed that reminder.

  9. thank you. I was just thinking about this. I like the “oh no i have to bang a bunch of hot girls? woe is me!”

    I was thinking what would it take to find 1-2 chicks and get them in the groove like I am with my current low to mid mltr.

    This ones 1 out of the last 7, and most of those girls werent even hot or in the range that I’m seeing is most compatible with me. Plus a better a better idea of how to set things up.

     

    Thanks!!

  10. I believe having abundance mentality along with OI are the 2 key elements to living a better life, and not just with women.  Once I got these 2 things down, my life opened up and changed the whole game.

    I’ve seen so many dumb decisions made because of scarcity.  I just tell them the math here in a city as big as Chicago.  Even if only 1% of women in the Chicagoland area would be compatible with you, that’s roughly 48,000 women (assuming a 50/50 split of male/female).  Still think you can’t find another one???

  11.  
    Yep BD’s process to get someone back is definitely the way to go. The issue, as he points out is that guys are condition by societal programing to be the one to chase her & beg her to come back.
     
    The amount of times I read about celeb couples breaking up and then read how ‘he won her back by texting her dozens of times a day so she gave him another chance’ Jeez!!
     
    Guys see that crap and then think that’s what they need to do. I know that’s what I did before I got into the pick-up community and it was like having scales lifted off my eyes when I heard what actually works. Probably the best thing I got out of game was being outcome independent and having abundance mentality. Once you have these, it makes being involved with women a lot easier.
     
    I think you can lay the groundwork for any potential break-ups with MLTR’S by ensuring that you: 
     
    # Keep things spontaneous – avoid the same time, same place, same stuff routines. It needn’t be expensive; cheap crap like going for a picnic or spending a day at the beach all works. If she moves onto a guy who’s boring, then she’ll remember the fun stuff she did with you.
     
    # Sometimes I’ll arrange dates and then deliberately flake. It’s amazing how keen they are on the next meeting and subconsciously they understand that you’re not a guy who needs them. 
     
    #Stay in shape and keep up your grooming & fashion, particularly as you get older. Doing this marks you out as someone who she isn’t likely to come back in a year’s time and find has two extra chins and is still wearing bootcut stone wash jeans!  
     
    # Make sure the sex is good. Work on holding onto orgasm’s, try new positions or gently push them into trying new things like role-play, outdoor sex etc..
     
    Trust me, if a girl breaks up with you and ends up with Mr ‘Lights-off once a week’, then she won’t forget stuff you did together.
     

  12. I recently parted ways with a serious MLTR.

    It took me roughly 24 hours to get back on track. That means that after less than a day of sadness, I was back working on my mission, reshuffling my rotation and setting up dates with FBs candidates (just fucked a new 23 yo yesterday). When I think about it I’m really shocked with myself!!!

    My old self would probably take 2-3 months of paralyzing self-pity to recover.

    After a big breakup with a long-term woman, you need to calm down, stop thinking about girlfriends or marriages or kids or any of that stuff, and take at least a yearand focus on your work, goals, Mission, fitness, and getting laid with hotFBsandperhapssome low-end MLTRs. That’s it! Thelastthing you should be thinking about right now is getting into another serious relationship.

    This is 100% correct.

     

  13. 4. “I think I’ll just kill myself.”

    That was me back in my incel days. Had a crush on a cheerleader who I creeped out so bad she framed me for harassment and it destroyed my self esteem for a very, very long time. I tried to get at other chicks but it didn’t matter. I never thought I was good enough. One-itis is the worst. Don’t get one-itis no matter what people say about it.

  14. “serious male provider hunter” – What kind of guy does this?

    A young guy who is looking for an older woman to pay his bills? Or something else?

  15. I think it starts with picking better women to be more emotionally serious with too.

    Obviously picking VYW, High Drama Dominants (unless you just enjoy that shit), obviously women who aren’t positioned for an OLTR.

    I’m seriously starting to think that women closer to over 35 who’ve either had kids/ past having kids are the way to go for an High End MLTR/OLTR. Being that they don’t have their head in their ass Disney mentality wise and all.

    Men need to realize that if you’re not a Beta Provider guy and girls want to have kids it’s on YOU to soft next or hard next them and not waste their time or else you’re the one who’s fucked up. I think this is something we don’t talk about but if you’re a true Alpha 2.0, you should be ethical about it. Being you’re Confident and OI you should land on your feet if you lose a chick.

  16. Do you take take that sex as means to an end, or an end in itself?

    An end, with many positive benefits. Read this.

    The last bit about getting her back is counter-productive, in my opinion. Some guys might take it as a signal to not give up and try to win her back. Only reinforces oneitis and develops tunnel vision. The message should be: move on. She doesn’t want you in her life anymore. Finish. Finita. The end. Cut your losses and find women who want to be around you. There are plenty of those

    Correct, that is the frame you should have.

    At the same time, you should still always leave the door open so that she can come back to you whenever she wants. The goal is to create a roster of ever-returning women.

    And what if YOU dumped the girl because you are not attracted anymore, but you want to stay in contact with her because she’s really a good person and you have friends in common?

    I don’t believe in friend zone, but you can do whatever you want.

    Great post Caleb. Thanks very much for this one.
    Cheers!

    Thanks man.

    “serious male provider hunter” – What kind of guy does this?

    Tons of angry right-wing over-35 manosphere types looking for Ms. Unicorn Woman to marry and be loyal to them forever and bear their children.

  17. You should wait at least a year after a big breakup or divorce before you get serious with any new woman, period.

    Been there, done that, listen to Calebs guys! This is good advice even for monogamous people.

  18. Excellent writeup as usual Caleb.

    For plugging books on depression I recommend Lost Connections by Johann Hari. He’s homosexual and briefly talks about its effect on his sex life, but I think the concepts he talks about – causes of depression and their solutions – are universal regardless of culture or orientation.

    I’ve had depression in the past and assumed (like many people in the West) it was caused by chemical imbalance in the brain. It wasn’t the case at all. I believe chronic depression is caused by bad lifestyle choices and circumstances that Caleb talks about fixing (a job you hate and finances in ruins, feeling your work is meaningless and you are easily replaceable, you have no family or friends to connect with, a bad or no sex life, etc.).

    You hate your job, feel you have no future or direction or meaning, not getting laid? Of course you fucking have depression, it’s the only sane response you should have!

  19. Spot on.

    I recently had a very hot, amazing unicorn woman bail on me and it was uncomfortable for awhile.

    So in the following few weeks I:

    – banged a 29 year old super hottie (I’m over 50)

    – banged a 32 year old super hottie

    – banged a couple of other slightly older hotties

    – reactivated my stable of ex’s as FB‘s now

    “Every morning I wake up celebrating, why? Cuz, I just dodged a bullet from a crazy bitch…”

  20. Hi BD,I recently got dumped by my high mltr of 8 months,who got back to her ex.The relationship was very good without drama and i didnt imagine that she could do that,but i dont care,i will not take her back.

    My question is what do you think about Alpha Widows,if a woman like that is in relationship with a man with Smv lower than her ex,she can love you?or you are doomed because women are hypergamous creatures and she will always love her ex?Have you encountered alpha widows  ?Do you think what manosphere says about them is real,or alpha widows do not exist?

  21. My question is what do you think about Alpha Widows,if a woman like that is in relationship with a man with Smv lower than her ex,she can love you?or you are doomed because women are hypergamous creatures and she will always love her ex?Have you encountered alpha widows  ?Do you think what manosphere says about them is real,or alpha widows do not exist?

    My advice is to not care. If she chooses to spend time with you, great! If not, great! Your SMV may be lower than what she expects but if you don’t give a fuck, that will be more than enough for her to stay attracted to you. And if she doesn’t, who cares?

    Honestly, all of this stuff about manosphere and hypergamy is just a waste of your time.

  22. Honestly, all of this stuff about manosphere and hypergamy is just a waste of your time.

    It really is. And it proves that anyone whining about it is either a really frustrated incel or a closet fag. We should be rejoicing that chicks can choose who they want to hook up with, cuz then if you do the right things and act the right way (like be Alpha 2), they’ll do most of the work for you. THEY’LL be approaching and making the moves!

    But don’t tell any Matt Forney nutthugging closet fag that. You’ll be called a “traitor” lol

  23. “serious male provider hunter” – What kind of guy does this?
    A young guy who is looking for an older woman to pay his bills? Or something else?

    Weaksauce Roosh nuthuggers from the manosphere who truly believe that they can “use the system against women” by doing this lol. It’s easily one of the funniest things to read about in the manosphere, but it also makes me feel so bad for the poor saps who do this.

    They have no idea they are BECOMING who they despise. It’s just awful.

  24. Hey BD,Redpiller talks about something interesting,alpha widows.Do you think that I should screen in the case of an Oltr or high end Mltr to see if she is an alpha widow,because I do not want to be with someone I love and she doesnt love me back,irrespective if she wants to be my gf?

    I mean think about if she has been with  someone who pumped and dumped her ,who has higher smv than maybe 98% of the population and due to hypergamy she will not love me back irrespective if she stays with me and says so.I mean she is broken in this case if she doesnt find someone with higher smv than her ex or than that man who pumped and dumped her.
    What do you think about that?

  25. I like the bit about focus on Mission after a long term relationship breakup.

    I remember my divorce, after 15 years. It wasn’t a ghastly divorce, as these things go, no kids, clear property arrangements. But still, bad enough for a few restless, anguished months. But at the same time, I had a great stroke of luck in my work life, a brilliant, well paid, fun project. I was talking about my anguish about women with a counselor and she said, play your strong cards. Focus on your work project. Forget about women for a while. So I did. And the odd thing was that before I knew what was happening, women were coming into my life without even me trying, mainly through my involvement in that project. There was a little bit of glamour to the job, so it seemed to draw them in.

    BD, it’s like you said in your book about the twinkle in a man’s eye.

  26. Caleb:

    When a woman comes back after a while do you get a new dose of NRE?  I never really got boomerang lays. But I’m just starting to put your system in place when it comes to LSNFTE.  If my value goes down because I’ve gotten fatter since I’ve banged them should I avoid contacting high value old leads until I get that under control?  What  would lower the possibility of boomerang lays more?  Not contacting them for 1-2 years, or contacting them when I’m less attractive than the last time we met up?

  27. My question is what do you think about Alpha Widows,if a woman like that is in relationship with a man with Smv lower than her ex,she can love you?

    You shouldn’t care.

    or you are doomed because women are hypergamous creatures and she will always love her ex?

    Women will always love their ex if he had higher SMC? Huh? Dude. What the fuck have you been reading?

    Have you encountered alpha widows?

    Probably but I was too busy fucking them to care.

    Do you think what manosphere says about them is real,or alpha widows do not exist?

    I have no idea what he hell you’re talking about. Nor do I care. Nor should you.

    Do you think that I should screen in the case of an Oltr or high end Mltr to see if she is an alpha widow,because I do not want to be with someone I love and she doesnt love me back,irrespective if she wants to be my gf?

    For high-end MLTR, no. For OLTR, no woman should be your OLTR until she’s been an MLTR for at least six months of near-zero problems. That’s all the screening you need; if there’s anything you don’t like about her after six months, you’ll know.

    When a woman comes back after a while do you get a new dose of NRE?

    Usually no. But it can happen, yes.

    If my value goes down because I’ve gotten fatter since I’ve banged them should I avoid contacting high value old leads until I get that under control?

    No; their attraction will go down but likely they won’t care (unless you become truly fat).

    What  would lower the possibility of boomerang lays more?

    Sure; gaining fat reduces your odds of sexual success in all scenarios. Stop gaining weight! (The fuck are you doing? You know better than that.)

  28. It’s the first relationship after a long marriage and divorce that will throw a man for a loop.  So many traps you can fall into and there are literally 1 out of a million women over 40 sane enough to actually be in love with.  When you get out of a long marriage that first one you consistently fuck, can fuck you up in the head.  Next thing you know your moving in or marring some woman you’re too pussy blind to see is a lunatic.

  29. I had to look up “Alpha Widows” because I had never heard of it.  It was mentioned by a guy above.  Basically, If a woman ever sleeps with a super Alpha Male, like a man who is the top 5% of desired men, the woman will basically never be satisfied in future relationships with men who are not in that 5%.  She will believe this is the man she deserves to settle down with because these kind of men have slept with her in the past.  It harps on the notion that most men will sleep with lower quality women, but women only sleep with men with higher smv.

    I’d say there are some truths to this philosophy, but I agree, alpha 2.0 doesn’t care.  That would be outcome dependent, to screen for a woman who might have a lower smv tolerance.  Also sounds insane to me, and borders on incel philosophy.

    I’d say if she sleeps with you, and you make her cum every time like you’re supposed to, that should raise you above the other men in her past who likely didn’t put her pleasure at the forefront.  Perhaps she misses whatever physical traits those men had, but you should be pleasing her better than them, giving her unforgettable sex, and probably raising yourself above whatever guy she is stuck on.

    Regardless, it is beta as fuck to worry about if this woman or that woman is relationship material.  You need FB‘s anyway, so if she’s not relationship material, she’ll likely make a decent FB.

  30. Basically, If a woman ever sleeps with a super Alpha Male, like a man who is the top 5% of desired men, the woman will basically never be satisfied in future relationships with men who are not in that 5%.  She will believe this is the man she deserves to settle down with because these kind of men have slept with her in the past.  It harps on the notion that most men will sleep with lower quality women, but women only sleep with men with higher smv.

    Soooooooooo what is the lesson here? Here it is: SMV is EVERYTHING if you are a heterosexual man! Everything we do, we do it to improve SMV. This isn’t some “major breakthrough that has been discovered by the manosphere.” That’s how chicks naturally choose their partners, its how they’ve been doing it for centuries. They want someone to lead and protect (and in these days, provide good social value). And *gasp* that’s what alphas do! OMFG!

    And in this day and age where everyone is a needy little vampire with one-itis, what increases SMV the most? Outcome independence. Sooooooo the lesson is to be outcome independent.

    That would be outcome dependent, to screen for a woman who might have a lower smv tolerance.  Also sounds insane to me, and borders on incel philosophy.

    It is. It’s almost exactly how an incel thinks. Only incels also believe that there is some weird conspiracy against them, that their SMV will never be high enough for the chicks they want (which, to them, is ALL chicks), and that women’s movements have made it impossible for men to pursue sex. Of course, all of these are wrong and they have actually made it much EASIER for men to pursue sex. Easier than its ever been in fact.

    it is beta as fuck to worry about if this woman or that woman is relationship material.

    Preach on. Its actually less than beta: Not even CHICKS think this way now lol. At least the ones under 25 don’t. And even with the over 25 crowds, most of them just want good company and good sex (which is pretty much what we all want).

  31. “It’s the first relationship after a long marriage and divorce that will throw a man for a loop.  So many traps you can fall into and there are literally 1 out of a million women over 40 sane enough to actually be in love with.  When you get out of a long marriage that first one you consistently fuck, can fuck you up in the head.  Next thing you know your moving in or marring some woman you’re too pussy blind to see is a lunatic.”

    That was me.

    I was married over 40 years, then divorced. I was 65 and hooked up with a 56 year old woman. This was the first one I consistently fucked. On my men’s team, we have a saying “is the fucking you’re getting worth the fucking you’re getting”. I almost lived with her. I was pussy blind. The only thing that saved me was that I realized I was losing myself. I had stopped all the things I loved to do; skiing, hiking, cycling, kayaking, fitness. She was a provider-hunter, no income, needed to lock down a secure future. I don’t know if she was a lunatic, just that she needed security, and any man would do. What ended things was that I wouldn’t make the final commitment by letting her move into my place. Close call.

    If a man gets past this stage you mention, he’s a lot more aware of the traps. Just get some experience after the long marriage and divorce, and take things really slow to avoid the traps.

  32. Rollo Tomassi came up with the term Alpha Widow, I believe, and I think he makes a valid point barring all the incel pseudo-intellectualizing it’s bloomed. Women who’ve had better dick (as in, sex with a higher SMV male) than yours will never love you the same way they would had you been their best. They would not make for a good OLTR in your case, nor MLTR even. It is a little needy sounding, but it’s factual.

     

    Shades of gray, am I right?

  33. Rollo Tomassi came up with the term Alpha Widow, I believe, and I think he makes a valid point barring all the incel pseudo-intellectualizing it’s bloomed. Women who’ve had better dick (as in, sex with a higher SMV male) than yours will never love you the same way they would had you been their best. They would not make for a good OLTR in your case, nor MLTR even. It is a little needy sounding, but it’s factual.

    YOU. SHOULDN’T. CARE. ABOUT. ANY. OF. THIS.

  34. Spare the rod, BD. I’m just the messenger.

    Low drama is the how, and low previous partner count or status for that matter, is the why. I don’t care at all, personally, because right now I’m in pump and dump mode. But why would anyone want to pair bond with someone else who couldn’t feel the same way about them? That’s a recipe for high drama. Not your cup of tea, no?

    I’m entitled to my standards, as are you.

  35. Spare the rod, BD. I’m just the messenger.

    You’re not just the messenger if you wholeheartedly agree with the message. Nice try.

    I’m entitled to my standards, as are you.

    I am not commenting on the validity of the concept because it’s completely off-topic to this thread. I’m saying YOU. SHOULDN’T. CARE. This is NOT be something you should be thinking about while you’re on dates with women or in relationships with women. All it will do is murder outcome independence, damage your frame and EFA, and increase the odds of oneitis.

    I have literally never thought of this and I’ve literally never had a problem with it.

  36. Every morning I wake up celebrating, why? Cuz, I just dodged a bullet from a crazy bitch…

    Similar experience here.  After my youthful oneitis incident I realized what I thought was so great was really self delusion.  I vowed never to take disrespect from anyone, and proceeded to break away from all unhealthy relationships.  Some toxic family members had to be let go.  I’ve been much happier ever since.  Who needs jerks that  bring you down?

    Within 3 days a far nicer girl opened me while I was jogging and took me back to her place.  Talk about fast lays.  In a few weeks several others came into my life.

     

     

  37. Rollo Tomassi came up with the term Alpha Widow

    I can’t even read his stuff.  It’s a bunch of navel-gazing pseudo academic stuff.  Stop trying to find the one perfect person for all your needs.  You can have a variety of specialized social contacts.  For example, I have tennis friends, hiking friends, music festival friends and science nerd friends.  I’ve never known any one person who likes all those things.

    Same with women.  Just enjoy each one for sex plus any interests you might share.  If all she’s good for is sex, then FB.  If she shares more of your interests, then MLTR, etc…  In other words, BDs approach is a lot healthier than all this talk of screening for unicorns.

    The one area that I disagree with BD is I like older women.  I’m tired of young women who society has programmed to look for husbands.  I find once they’re divorced that disney fantasy usually dies and you can just have fun.  Just my personal preference.  Of course I don’t ignore hotties that are attracted to me.  They just aren’t my first priority because I know I’ll have to deal with the “where are we going” tiresome shit.

  38. Fair enough. I ain’t so blind I can’t see. Thank you for illuminating me.

    @BigTime, ravaging cougar pussy is one of my favorite hobbies, funny enough.

  39. Hey BD,

    I have had to move to India(I’m from India) due to my crazy-seperated wife not letting me see my son which resulted in losing my career in the U.S. But, I am able to spend time with my son with the help of an awesome lawyer’s help here. I am happy about that.

    But, I have both a relationship and career breaks. I am currently dating only one woman who wants monogamy. I am planning to break up with her. My income dropped from $10k/mo to 1K and I lost all my MLTR‘s and an OLTR in the US. I haven’t really hit hard on dating game here but cultural suppression makes it difficult to find the women open to being FB, MLTR or OLTR.(of course like I said I haven’t really worked on this area).

    When I am facing a lack of results in such two major areas and I am an ENFP so this shit hits really hard on my feelings. What do you think I should focus on? Just Work? or Both?

    I am also considering moving to North America in a few months after I sort out my divorce and child visitation rights. I will definitely experience a boost in both areas if I move. Ideally, I would want my son to live with me in North America.

    Please advise.

  40. If an MLTR LSNFTE’s you, does that later disqualify her for OLTR?

    In my view, yes, but that’s just my personal opinion.

    When I am facing a lack of results in such two major areas and I am an ENFP so this shit hits really hard on my feelings. What do you think I should focus on? Just Work? or Both?

    You’re facing a severe financial emergency and should (in my view) forget about women completely for the next 6 months or so and get your fucking income back up.

    Going from $10K per month to $1K per month would be unacceptable in my life, and I wouldn’t tolerate that for five minutes.

  41. It’s hard to be single when you have no one else to blame. In a relationship you can always say “I’m miserable because she won’t X / she won’t let me X”, if you’re alone, you need to take responsibility on your own.

  42. Going from $10K per month to $1K per month would be unacceptable in my life, and I wouldn’t tolerate that for five minutes.

    Thanks BD, I agree but just to give you more info on this career transition: I quit my high paying IT job in Cali to explore Life Coaching for past 7 months in India. I am passionate about the work I am doing unlike my previous career but haven’t good income. Currently, I am able to take care of basic expenses hence want to give this business my 100%. Just going back to a job for sake of $ doesn’t inspire me but does effect my lifestyle considerably. Should I explore Coaching partime and do a job FT ? Thoughts?

  43. 1. Do not initiate any contact with her in any way whatsoever for any reason for at least four months. Six months or longer is better

    I think this is WAAY to short of a time. Ideal it should be easily a year, during which you had FB deals with at least 2 women.

    Basically, you should not contact, let alone get back with a woman unless so much time passed that you are both different people reshaped by experiences.

  44. Thanks BD, I agree but just to give you more info on this career transition: I quit my high paying IT job in Cali to explore Life Coaching for past 7 months in India. I am passionate about the work I am doing unlike my previous career but haven’t good income.

    Peacock,

    While reading BD’s A2.0 book you have to realize the way BD’s mind operates. He’d rather have a good income while doing a job that doesn’t inspire him than do inspiring work while having mediocre income. It isn’t the same way for everyone and I had to take that into account: for BD, the former situation that I described above results in more long-term happiness than the latter. For others, like I (and I presume you), the latter results in better long-term happiness.

    Always adjust accordingly to your own needs.

  45. @peacock

     I quit my high paying IT job in Cali to explore Life Coaching for past 7 months in India. I am passionate about the work I am doing unlike my previous career but haven’t good income.

    I don’t want to sound rude, but how can you be a “Life Coach” and don’t have your own life sorted out, why should I trust you?.

    Probably you can work online with your IT expertise, and coach later when you feel that your life is more stable.

  46. @John

    If a man gets past this stage you mention, he’s a lot more aware of the traps. Just get some experience after the long marriage and divorce, and take things really slow to avoid the traps

    I agree 100%.  Curious have you tried the Sugar Daddy sites?  I added that in as a supplement to online dating and it’s amazing.  Girls are almost all hot and motivated.  Love it.

  47. Didn’t you say you had Pink Firefly as some sort of FB a while back?

    Yep. For about a year.

    Did she lsnfte you?

    No. She’s never stopped seeing me because she was excited about another man.

    Thanks BD, I agree but just to give you more info on this career transition…

    I gave you my answer.

    I think this is WAAY to short of a time. Ideal it should be easily a year, during which you had FB deals with at least 2 women.

    Correct; 4 months is the bare minimum. 6 months is better, a year is even better.

  48. While reading BD’s A2.0 book you have to realize the way BD’s mind operates. He’d rather have a good income while doing a job that doesn’t inspire him than do inspiring work while having mediocre income. It isn’t the same way for everyone and I had to take that into account: for BD, the former situation that I described above results in more long-term happiness than the latter. For others, like I (and I presume you), the latter results in better long-term happiness.

    Not exactly accurate.

    What BD says, and BD is right, because the facts and empirical data back up what BD says, is that a man will be happier if he makes around $75K USD per year than if he makes less. The commenter above is making $1K per month, which is $12K per year, which is no where near the happiness threshold of $75K. Even if he were to double or triple his income, he would still be no where near it. So in terms of happiness, he’s got an extremely serious problem that requires immediate and massive attention, and that is not my opinion; that’s fact.

  49. Not exactly accurate.

    What BD says, and BD is right, because the facts and empirical data back up what BD says, is that a man will be happier if he makes around $75K USD per year than if he makes less. The commenter above is making $1K per month, which is $12K per year, which is no where near the happiness threshold of $75K. Even if he were to double or triple his income, he would still be no where near it. So in terms of happiness, he’s got an extremely serious problem that requires immediate and massive attention, and that is not my opinion; that’s fact.

    I agree that he’s going to be happier if he makes more and that he’s in a dire situation that needs fixing.

    However since we’re quoting studies, there are no studies regarding whether (and how much) you’re happier if you’re working a job you love. It’s not as simple as that – how many hours a week? Is that job you love your passion or not? It’s not as measurable as set-in-stone 60$K USD.

    My point is how much should you focus on actual income regardless of the price you’re paying for it, i.e. free time; and how much does it matter for your happiness if the thing that you’re doing is something you love, like, tolerate, dislike or hate.

    Suppose there are 2 men in their early 20s: SeeBee and peacock. Both are right now earning let’s say 15k$/year, both in jobs they *tolerate*.

    Both now decide to increase their income to 75k$/year.

    Now, SeeBee will gladly do anything it takes to get to that 75k$/year, because he’s more focused on money. He doesn’t have a need for passion to be in his life right now. He’s okay with it if it comes later, or after he has secured his finances completely, or if he spends like 10% of his work time during achieving the 75k$ goal on doing things he really likes. That’s because not working on his passion right now doesn’t reduce his happiness that much.

    Peacock wants to get to 75k$/year, but he doesn’t mind if it takes even 2x-3x times longer for him than SeeBee, for as long as during that time he’s spending majority of his time working on things he loves. Lack of purpose and passion in work hurts his long-term happiness more than it hurts SeeBee.

     

    Just like SeeBee, peacock will be a happier man if he makes 75k$/year. However Peacock can’t stand meaningless, barely acceptable jobs for longer than a few months. He’d rather make less right now and accept the fact it might take him a bit longer to get to 75k$/year if it means he can have more free time to work on what really matters to him. Those are ENFP guys and I can understand where is he coming from completely.

    I hope I’ve explained this well. I agree with you, BD  – he’ll be happier earning more, as well as this is crucial situation. However question is at how much $/year he’ll switch to his main interest while having earning 75k$/y as secondary. It’s a very individual thing.

  50. Rollo Tomassi came up with the term Alpha Widow. I can’t even read his stuff.  It’s a bunch of navel-gazing pseudo academic stuff.

    Neither can I. Same nonsense that feminist assholes write to try to sound sophisticated, only its coming from a different angle. While some of what he writes makes sense (for example, The Feminine Imperative), its disappointingly collectivist and just more of the same “our ideals have a bigger dick than your ideals” nonsense. Ugh.

    You’re facing a severe financial emergency and should (in my view) forget about women completely for the next 6 months or so and get your fucking income back up.

    Is it really healthy to take that much time off of the opposite sex? I mean I’m in at a similar point with my income and although I can see myself taking three months off of the opposite sex, I can’t imagine taking six months off. I once took a year off so I could concentrate on doing good in school and the reverse happened: I did worse lol. I think it would be better for him to have an FB or so who he can just casually meet and have sex with.

  51. I can’t imagine going more than a month without sex, and that’s only because I managed to lose both fb’s and an MLTR all at once one time and I went a month without getting any.  That was rough.  But I didn’t even go that long transitioning from divorce to next FB, and before I was married, after a breakup, the longest I went was one month before banging a woman 17 years older than me just because a month had about drove me insane and I settled for older woman because I needed to get some lol.  Cannot ever imagine going 6 months without.  But I’ve also had my finances in order all my life…

  52. The one area that I disagree with BD is I like older women.  I’m tired of young women who society has programmed to look for husbands.  I find once they’re divorced that disney fantasy usually dies and you can just have fun.

    I agree with most of what you’re saying, with the exception that it’s not all younger women below a certain age but a bell curve: once women hit their late 20s they’re more likely to start hunting for Mr. Husband before they hit 30, but not all of them are looking for marriage or won’t think about it until their 30s. Once you get to 40s the women are long divorced or bored with their husband. The sweet spot for a general no-go zone is the mid 30s crowd where your odds of finding a woman husband-hunting are astronomically higher. There are exceptions, but you aren’t looking for exceptions.

    I enjoy older women myself because I find them very low maintenance and they love giving me food and gifts, but I haven’t dismissed the younger ones.

  53. Correction: When I said “forget about women completely for the next 6 months or so” I meant “completely forget about bringing any new women into your life for 6 months” and “completely forget about bettering your women skills for the next 6 months.”

    Sorry I wasn’t clear. Obviously he still needs to have sex, even if it’s just a single sporadic FB.

  54. What BD says, and BD is right, because the facts and empirical data back up what BD says, is that a man will be happier if he makes around $75K USD per year than if he makes less.

    The data shows that STATISTICALLY, people’s happiness improves with income to a certain point and then flattens (ie, further increases don’t result in greatly increased happiness). That’s not exactly the same thing as saying in all cases at the individual level. Quite a few people are outside the standard deviation. A lot of highly ambitious people need more, and some people with an emphasis on other life areas need less.

  55. The data shows that STATISTICALLY, people’s happiness improves with income to a certain point and then flattens (ie, further increases don’t result in greatly increased happiness). That’s not exactly the same thing as saying in all cases at the individual level. Quite a few people are outside the standard deviation. A lot of highly ambitious people need more, and some people with an emphasis on other life areas need less.

    <BD hits paste>

    Using the exception to the rule as a basis for your argument means you’ve just proved mine.

  56. Rollo Tomassi came up with the term Alpha Widow, I believe, and I think he makes a valid point barring all the incel pseudo-intellectualizing it’s bloomed. Women who’ve had better dick (as in, sex with a higher SMV male) than yours will never love you the same way they would had you been their best. They would not make for a good OLTR in your case, nor MLTR even. It is a little needy sounding, but it’s factual.

    Hmm… but remember, if she’s an alpha “widow” she’s not with him now, and in the context of this discussion she’s presumably with you. Whatever the background or reasons for her leaving that other man, you could say that she has voted with her feet. I say enjoy and don’t over-analyse.

  57. Just to re-iterate : I am currently living in India where the equivalent of $75k is $2k-$2.5k. So, $1k here is like $30k if I were in the U.S.

    I am still halfway from the ideal income situation so I am dipping into my savings.

    I do have plans to move to North America in less than year so it would require me to bring up my income to $75k using my business/products or find a job there once I land.

    Thanks for all your inputs. I think I will focus on ramping up my biz as much as I can and neglect adding any new females to my life for now. If they come by me being naturally social(in my limited time) that’s bonus. 😉

    @magock

    “I don’t want to sound rude, but how can you be a “Life Coach” and don’t have your own life sorted out, why should I trust you?.

    Probably you can work online with your IT expertise, and coach later when you feel that your life is more stable.”

    I am practicing OI so I don’t take any opinions here as rude. It’s your opinion. If it’s useful and works for me I will use it.

    Trust is huge word that is thrown around. I don’t think my clients trust me but they trust my ability. Trust is necessary for intimate or close relationships not for Business. You need rapport and basic belief in the product. I don’t trust Apple. I believe they make good products. So, I buy from them. That being said, I know what you mean. I don’t lie to my clients. If they see results in the first 2 sessions which are free they sign up with me. Simple.

    I might go back to IT if I am in North America but I am already making 50% of what I would make if I took the same job in India. So, it’s I am believing it’s worth giving this massive attention now as BD suggested.

  58. Rollo Tomassi came up with the term Alpha Widow…

    If you think about it, this is no different than acknowledging that women tend to fall in love with their first *real* boyfriend and they always have a nostalgic feeling that he was special.  The one that got away, etc…

    I just think the Rollo stuff is false science.  Not that I’m accusing him of deceiving, but rather finding tenuous logical justifications for emotional behavior.

    Anyway, why bother geeking out about it?  Just approach and weed out the ones who aren’t fun and friendly.

  59. This Alpha widow idea sounds about as useful as Freud’s Electra complex! You might as well worry about whether she is still fixated with a childhood image of her father, and you’ll never be as good.

  60. Oh, perhaps I’m mistaken on the full meaning of lsnfte. I’ll look it up in the glossary again.

    The last 3 of my MLTRs left not because they were excited for another man, but because they became uncomfortable with the relationship and my involvement with other women. Does this count? And would an event like that disqualify these women from OLTR in the future? Also, why did you and Pink Firefly stop seeing each other as FBs?

  61. Oh, perhaps I’m mistaken on the full meaning of lsnfte. I’ll look it up in the glossary again.

    I’ll be more complete. PF never left me for another man and never left me because I wasn’t following some kind of female dating agenda. We just grew apart and just stopped texting each other; no particular reason.

    The last 3 of my MLTRs left not because they were excited for another man, but because they became uncomfortable with the relationship and my involvement with other women. Does this count?

    Yes. That’s a LSNFTE.

    And would an event like that disqualify these women from OLTR in the future?

    To me it would, but that’s just my opinion. If a woman is going to actually stop seeing me because she’s that uncomfortable with me fucking other women, to me that’s not a woman who would make a good OLTR.

    Also, why did you and Pink Firefly stop seeing each other as FBs?

    Answered above. FBs can LSFNTE, but just as often they can just float away.

  62. Thanks, that helps. I can’t imagine drifting apart from a woman I thoroughly enjoy having sex with.  Was that because you were looking for something more serious (OLTR), and she wasn’t emotionally available?

    I’ll be joining SMIC for sure.  I’ve had some massive success with women and business since I’ve found your stuff, but I want to be even better!

  63. Was that because you were looking for something more serious (OLTR), and she wasn’t emotionally available?

    No, neither. We both just stopped texting each other. No real reason (other than being busy with other things/people). As I said, sometimes this happens with FBs. I’ll just stop texting them (or vice versa) with no real “reason.”

  64. The last 3 of my MLTRs left not because they were excited for another man, but because they became uncomfortable with the relationship and my involvement with other women. Does this count?

    Note that often another man does exist yet she doesn’t tell you that.

  65. Valid point and very true.  In 2/3 of these cases there were other men, but the women were very clearly upset that I wasn’t making them MY priority.  They all wanted to be my primary partner, to which I responded I didn’t want that (I wasn’t emotionally ready), but it was something I desired in the future. So, it seemed to me that they became uncomfortable with the relationship and my involvement with other women.  Either way, it was my fault for many reasons.  I’ll be better with the next set of MLTRs and hopefully create some longer-lasting, happier relationships.  Live and learn, as they say (or should we say “fuck and learn”?).

  66. What about social media? Should we delete our exes or does it show, we cared too much when we do it? Always not sure about this ..

  67. What about social media? Should we delete our exes or does it show, we cared too much when we do it? Always not sure about this ..

    @P I wouldn’t delete/unfriend exes from Social media. It will definitely show that you care too much about the breakup. However, like BD said, don’t comment or like any of their posts in social media. If you don’t want to see their Facebook notifications for a while you could just unfollow them (without unfriending them). Then check their profile in 4-6 months to see if they are available and reach them out as BD suggested with a short text message.

  68. I had a woman dump me just 2 weeks ago and I’m going through all those crazy emotions that you speak of bd. I lived with this woman for 2 years. There was a lot of factors involved  but some major ones were that she was really dominant and vocal about how I should do things  I work on graveyard and travelled  out of town on the weekends a lot so we rarely  slept together and we stopped having sex. She was very hot visually but her attitude  wasn’t very sexy. I started getting bouts of ed and pe because she wasn’t turning me on.  Initially  we had great sex but changed after she moved in.

    She hooked up with an older guy; “I’m 55. ” about a month ago and just moved in with him. I did the opposite  of what you recommend and chased her pretty hard for about 2 weeks telling her I would work on all this to you guessed it no avail. I still loved having her around for companionship and like I said sex early on was great. My question: normally you say 4 to 6 months but on a deal like this how long would you wait before contacting her ?

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