How To Deal With Scarcity Mentality After A Breakup
I’ve talked a lot about NRE and how the first few months or weeks of a new relationship is so exciting and pleasurable that people often go temporarily insane or stupid, doing or saying horrifically absurd things they would normally not.
There’s a flip side to this, a sort of mirror image to NRE. That is the horrible feeling of loneliness and scarcity a man can often feel right after the end of a serious relationship, be that a traditional girlfriend or wife, an OLTR / OLTR wife, or perhaps even a long-term, high-end MLTR.
During this time, the pain of the relationship ending is so distressing that some men often go temporarily insane or stupid, doing or saying horrifically absurd things they would normally not. Just like when they were in NRE, only in reverse.
Here is a list of the common stupid, insane shit men do or say during this temporary period of insanity, and their answers.
1. “I will never find another woman like that again!” or “I will never find another woman that good again!”
Obliviously an irrational and factually untrue statement. Unless you live in a very small town (in which case you need to move if your woman-life is important to you), statistically speaking, there are likely well over 100,000 attractive (to you) women within the age ranges you like within a one-hour drive of your home. The odds of none of these women being like or better than the one you just broke up with are miniscule.
2. “It took me four years to find her! Now I have to wait another four years! Waaaaaaa!!!”
Incorrect. You won’t. Here’s why:
First, you’re better at women, dating, and relationships than you were four years ago. You’re also probably more confident and outcome independent. Men improve with age, generally speaking. You’re saying that it took the four-years-younger version of you to find a woman like that. But it won’t take you four years to find a woman like that, assuming that’s your priority.
It only took me about a year and a half, if that, to find Pink Firefly once I made the decision to do so. But it may have taken the 2007 version of me perhaps five years to do the same. Comparing 2018 me to 2007 me would be both stupid and inaccurate.
Second, during those four years you weren’t cruising for a serious relationship the entire time. If you look back on those four years, I’m quite sure that you’ll find that most of that time you were probably just having fun and banging chicks after the last relationship you had that didn’t work out, not being a serious male provider hunter looking for a girlfriend or wife.
So if, out of those four years, you spent 2.5 years just getting laid and having fun, then it didn’t take you four years to find her. It only took you 1.5 years. So stop being a dumbass and artificially expanding the numbers to make your bullshit pity-party look worse than it really is.
Next, you should wait at least a year after a big breakup or divorce before you get serious with any new woman, period, particularly if you lived together for more than a year or so. You are in no emotional condition to get into another serious relationship right now, you idiot! People who monkey-branch from one serious relationship to the next are the stupidest people in the universe, and I’m amazed so many people do this.
After a big breakup with a long-term woman, you need to calm down, stop thinking about girlfriends or marriages or kids or any of that stuff, and take at least a year and focus on your work, goals, Mission, fitness, and getting laid with hot FBs and perhaps some low-end MLTRs. That’s it! The last thing you should be thinking about right now is getting into another serious relationship.
Lastly, and I’ve made this point many times before, let’s say it does take you two years (or whatever) to find the next quality (to you) woman. During those two years, do you know what you’ll be doing? I’ll tell you what you’ll be doing: having sex with lots of attractive women while looking for Ms. Perfect. Oh, the horror. Poor you! What a horrible two years you must endure! Having sex with all these hot girls as you look for the best one… yeah… terrible… I feel so sorry for you. You should start crying.
3. “I’m only attracted to super unusual women with this one (or several) specific trait(s). It will take me forever to find another one like that!”
Incorrect. I already answered that here.
4. “I think I’ll just kill myself.”
Yep, guys actually say this. Go here and look at how I actually had to shut down the comments in that thread because dumped guys were threatening to kill themselves, all because their girlfriends broke up with them. I occasionally get emails like this too.
If you feel like killing yourself just because a woman left you, even if you don’t actually mean it but feel that bad, what does that say about you? What does that say about what kind of man you are? What does that say about your life? That your entire life is destroyed because a girl doesn’t want to be your GF or wife anymore? Was your entire life about her? Do you think that’s a good thing?
Seek mental health counseling if you need to, then, for god’s sake, read my book. You really, really need it.
5. “You don’t understand BD, I’ve fucked a lot of girls and she Wasn’t Like The Rest™.”
Then why did she leave you?
The fact she left you is proof positive that she clearly was just like the rest.
There is no Unicorn Woman! Read this.
There are other hilarious things men say during the post-breakup period where they go temporarily insane, but they usually fall into one of the above five categories.
If you experience a breakup, follow my usual sequence in order to get her back, which works 94% of the time assuming you’ve done everything correctly in the relationship up until the breakup:
1. Do not initiate any contact with her in any way whatsoever for any reason for at least four months. Six months or longer is better.
2. If she contacts you before then, have a brief conversation then invite her over to your place. If she agrees, mission accomplished, have sex. If she doesn’t, nicely end the conversation and resume the no-contact period. If she keeps contacting you but clearly resists seeing you in person, nicely tell her you don’t do friend zone and stop responding to her contact for about 1-3 months.
3. If you don’t hear from her after at least four months (six months or more is better), then check her social media to see if she has a new man in her life. If she does, wait another six months.
4. If she doesn’t or it’s not clear, hit her up, have a nice, friendly conversation, and pitch a meet at your place. If she agrees, mission accomplished, have sex. If she doesn’t, or doesn’t respond to your contact, wait another 6-12 months or more, and try again.
5. If you are emotionally unable to do the above, seek mental health counseling, since there is something deeper wrong with you. Also read this book to get some meaning, direction, and excitement in your life, and read this book so you won’t make the same mistakes with the next woman.
Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.