How to Handle Shit Tests

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-By Caleb Jones

I have already talked about how to deal with shit testing from women all over my blogs and books, but I don’t think I’ve ever written an article regarding specifically how to deal with it. That’s today.
What is a shit test? The Urban Dictionary defines shit test thusly:

A test that a girl performs on a male by saying or doing something to judge the reaction or response from him.


That’s about right, if not a little incomplete. The shit test is a social device women use to determine the social fitness of a male in order to determine if he is a viable sexual option or not. As always, women don’t do this because they are bitches or evil. They do this because of 100,000 years of woefully outdated biological evolution. There’s no ill intent behind shit testing (usually) even though it feels to us guys like sometimes there is.

Here are a few random examples of shit tests:

“Are you some kind of player?”

“I have a three date rule.”

“I only date guys who…”

“I bet you say that to all the girls.”

“It turns me on when a man does housework without being asked!”

“So why are you here with me? Why do I get that honor?”

“I hate it when you…”

And so on. There are thousands of examples I could give but I think you get the point. They can occur both in the seduction/dating phase as well as during relationships (though you tend to get more during relationships, particularly in the earlier phases as she’s feeling you out).

Here’s how you avoid shit testing and/or deal with it when you get it.

1. Calibrate your EFA so that women don’t give you shit tests in the first place.

This is, by far, the most important technique in regards to shit tests. Sadly, it’s something the Pick-Up Artist community almost completely ignores. The PUAs/players are really good at explaining what to do when you get shit tests, but most of them have no idea of what I talk about, which is setting a frame and EFA from the very first second so as to minimize the odds you’ll receive shit tests in the first place. This applies both to dating and to relationship management.

I’m serious about this. Even way back when I did a lot of posting on seduction/PUA forums, I was always surprised at how much discussion there was among these guys about how to deal with shit testing. This was because I was getting laid left and right and almost never got any shit testing from women prior to Lock-In (having sex with a new woman twice).
You can do this as well. If you have an outcome independent, Alpha Male 2.0, nonmonogamous EFA and frame from the very first moment of the interaction with her (be that online or in real life), confidently maintain this frame, and never let it drop at all until the very end of the EFA Phase (which is post Lock-In and at least two weeks into a sexual relationship, as I describe in this book), you won’t get shit tests the majority of the time.

The only time you’ll get shit tests under this model is if the woman is a Dominant or is a hardcore provider hunter. Other than that, you won’t need to worry about shit tests at all.
If you’re getting lots of shit tests from women all the time, and many men do, this is an indication your frame is too Alpha/player (100%) instead of the 85% Alpha / 15% provider frame I talked about here and in more detail in my books. This is because you’re spiking her ASD, thus she needs to use her defense mechanism, shit testing, to “defend” herself.

Strangely, it can also be an indication that your frame is too weak or beta, since a woman will know she can throw more shit tests at a man who is more likely to fail them. This applies more to relationships than it does to dating/seduction, however.

The 85/15 frame, as always, is the ideal sweet spot between these two extremes. 85% Alpha means you’re sexually attractive to her and not going to take any of her shit, but that little 15% provider frame keeps you, just barely, in her socially acceptable range of a man she could have sex with quickly without looking (or feeling) like a “slut.” Do this, and you won’t get very many shit tests from women pre-Lock-In. The only ones you’ll get are the inevitable ones after Lock-In where the ongoing relationship begins and she activates her betaization template. But those shit tests are much easier to deal with (since she’s already had sex with you a few times and is now locked-in to you to some degree).

So for the rest of this article I’m going to address how to deal with shit tests when you get them, but please focus on setting the correct EFA so that you don’t fucking get them. That’s a much better use of your time. Seriously, with the Alpha 2.0 nonmonogamous frame, I almost never get shit tests from new women I’m having sex with. It’s extremely rare. If you need more information on how to set this frame, read this book and this one.
2. AGREE with the shit test.

The best way to respond to a shit test is to confidently agree with it and reframe it like it’s no big deal.

You usually fail a shit test (i.e. come of as defensive) when you disagree with it. For example,

Her: I don’t date guys who play video games all the time.

You: Oh, well, I don’t play video games all the time! I think they’re for babies!

Or…

Her: Can we just be friends?

You: But I don’t want to be friends! I want something more!

Yuck. No. Instead, when you get a shit test, you want to agree and reframe. The best example of this is Eben Pagan/David DeAngelo’s old advice of saying to shit-testing women, “Well, you’d better get used to it because I do that a lot.”

Her: I hate guys who watch sports.

You: Well you’d better get used to it because I do that a lot.

Shit test, PASSED. She will respond with mild frustration, but she’ll keep eagerly having sex with you. And remember, this frustration you see when you pass the shit test is very normal. Read this article and internalize it; it’s one of the most important articles I’ve ever written.

Here are a few more examples of agree and reframe:

Her: Can we just be friends?

You: Sure! And we can have sex occasionally too.

Her: How many girls have you had sex with?

You: Oh my god, there’s so many I lost count a long time ago.

Her: I don’t date black guys.

You: Good. We don’t need to date.

Her: I love it when a man empties the dishwasher on his own!

You: Yeah, I like that too. We should totally get a roommate in here who does that for us!

Her: Will you buy me a drink?

You: Sure. When are you free next? We can go out one-on-one and get to know each other.

You get the idea. Agree with what she’s saying, or the implication of what she’s saying (in the case of asking you how many women you’ve slept with) and then reframe the shit test into something that makes you look Alpha or something humorous (or, if you can, both).

If you have no idea how to do this, ask yourself this question: “How can I respond to this shit test in a way that makes me look confident, dominant, and valued, while not being a total asshole?”

3. Flat-out refuse if you have to, but do it nicely.

There are times where agree and reframe won’t work. In that case, you need to just flat-out refuse. But, and this is a big but, you need to do it in an Alpha Male 2.0 way with a smile on your face and a casual, happy, no-big-deal reaction, rather than the Alpha Male 1.0 way of doing it defensively, forcefully, or with a lecture.

An example where agree and reframe might not work well is this:

Her: Will you hold my purse for a second?

There’s no way you can agree with this and fully pass the shit test, even if you said something like, “Sure! Tomorrow.” That still implies you’re going to hold her purse for her at some point. You have to just say no. Just do it playfully.

Her: Will you hold my purse for a second?

Beta Male: Okay. But just for a second.

Shit test, FAILED. Attraction drops, betaization increases.

Her: Will you hold my purse for a second?

Alpha Male 1.0: No! I’m not going to hold your purse. I’m not your slave. Don’t ever ask me that again.

Shit test passed, but he’s also just damaged either the relationship (if they’re in a relationship) or he has reduced the odds he’ll ever get to sex with her (if he hasn’t had sex with her yet). Both bad. Here’s a better way:

Her: Will you hold my purse for a second?

Alpha Male 2.0: Awww, you really think I’m going to hold your purse? You’re so cute.

Shit test passed, and any damage is minimal. Again, she will show some frustration, but as that linked article above explained, that’s a good thing, since that means you’re maintaining attraction.

And again, I will say that if your EFA is strong, you won’t get these kinds of “hold my purse” shit tests from women very often. Pink Firefly, as well as every other woman I’ve ever dated in an MLTR or above relationship, knows damn well that I will never hold her purse in any scenario and she won’t even bother asking. This is because my EFA has been rock-solid Alpha 2.0 since day one.

Shit testing is a big topic and there’s more I could say about it, but above is the core. Just remember that if you’re getting regular shit tests from women, that means you have some more work to do on your EFA and frame.

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