Is Online Dating Becoming “Impossible?”
This is a topic I’ve discussed several times already at this blog, but it’s still a semi-regular concern men keep bringing up. As always, let’s analyze this using facts and data instead of feelings or anger.
As I’ve talked about before, all types of game have become more difficult over the last ten years.
Night game guys are complaining that night game is almost impossible now in most major cities since men vastly outnumber women at the typical bars and clubs formerly used for night game pick-up.
Daygame guys have talked about how daygame is much harder today than before, since women are more picky, more savvy to pick-up techniques, and get validation that formerly required real-life men from social media instead.
And yes, online dating has grown more difficult as well. I discussed that five years ago here already; consider this article the latest update to this problem.
Just in the last year and a half, two things have occurred that are of concern:
1. OKCupid radically changed their messaging system and algorithm, essentially (though in many cases, not literally) forcing you to get a mutual match with a woman before you can message her (or you can message her without matching, but the odds are perhaps lower the system will allow your message through; in some regions this is unclear). This essentially makes OKCupid a Bumble variant, which is not good.
2. The insane federal government of the USA passed FOSTA, a law that “holds websites liable for hosting sex trafficking content.” It also “makes it easier for victims of sex trafficking and prosecutors to sue companies that fail to keep exploitative content from their websites.” In reaction, Craigslist, a website I know a some of you have used for online dating, permanently removed its personals section. Sugar daddy dating sites like SeekingArrangement.com are still active, but because of the left-wing’s overreaction against heterosexual sex, their future is in question as well.
In addition to these things, the negative trends affecting night game and daygame are affecting online dating as well. Fewer women are present on “standard” dating sites, flocking to swipe apps like Tinder, sugar daddy sites, and attention-whoring farms like Instagram and Snapchat.
Response rates are also lower. Though to be fair, there hasn’t been a huge decline in average response rates between 2013 and 2018. There was certainly a noticeable drop between 2007 and 2013, but since around 2013 the lower response rates seemed to have leveled off, which is one bright spot in the bad news.
So yeah, this is all getting noticeably harder. As I’ve talked about before, it will continue to get harder and harder until someone invents the next new online dating “thing” that is easy. Remember, every new online dating technology goes through the five phases I described here. First it was easy to get laid with online dating. Then it was easy to get laid with MySpace. Then it was easy to get laid with Tinder. Then, if you were older, it was easy to get laid with sugar daddy game. Next it will be easy to get laid with… well, we don’t know what that thing will be yet, nor when it’s coming.
So what do we do until the next thing comes along? Here’s what you do:
1. Ignore all the pussies who say it’s now “impossible” to get laid with online dating. I regularly, as in every week, talk to regular, average-looking men all over the Western world, of all ages and types, who are still getting laid regularly with attractive women using normal online dating. Read that sentence again. Then read it again.
There is a small but vocal group of haters / losers who are screaming at the top of their lungs that it’s now “impossible” to get laid with online dating. This is factually and objectively inaccurate. If, as Blackdragon, I wasn’t hearing from anyone getting laid with online dating (or only getting laid with pay-for-it sugar daddy game) then yeah, I’d be very concerned. I’d report that to you as well. But I’m not seeing that. At least not yet.
Instead, I’m seeing that online game is harder, and requires more time and effort than it did 10 years ago. But it’s nothing new and I’ve been saying that for a long time.
So, step one is to not get caught up with some of the negative hype you might hear. Getting laid with online dating is harder than before. Yep. Getting laid with online dating is not impossible, and anyone who says so is either retarded or has an agenda.
2. Do everything correctly. Don’t “wing it.” Because online dating is harder, the margin for error is much lower. This means that if you want to make online dating work for you, you must do everything right, and I mean everything. You must take the time to sit down, map out a very specific plan and execute only systems that are proven to work. You can’t wing it.
I am still shocked on a regular basis to see guys just snap a typical picture with their phone, throw it up on Tinder or Bumble or OKCupid, then get pissed off when they get no results. Really? Really, you idiots? You really think that’s going to work in 2018? Are you actually surprised that doesn’t work?
Please don’t do that. Instead, buy my book on online dating and follow its instructions to the letter, particularly the chapters regarding photos and what not to say to women online. If you hate me or hate my dating advice, then great, buy someone else’s online dating book if they have one, but for fuck’s sake, don’t just wing this stuff without any proven, pre-existing system. Online dating (and night game and daygame) are too dicey today to do otherwise.
Take the time (and a little money) to do everything correctly, or else stay home and don’t bother. Otherwise you’re just wasting your time.
3. Always, always, always be on as many dating sites and apps as you can. Going on just Tinder or just OKCupid or whatever is not going to work. There won’t be enough women or matches to get the scale needed to offset the response rates, and you won’t get enough dates to actually get laid.
I’ve said from day one that you always need to be on at least three dating sites/apps. Whenever I do normal online dating, I am never on less than three sites/apps. Sometimes I’ve been on five or more.
Today, I’ve increased that to say “be on as many sites/apps applicable to your area as you can.” So when a guy asks me, “Hey BD, should I use Hitch?” (or whatever other site/app they’re asking about), I just say “YES!”
Tinder, Bumble, OKC, Hinge, Hitch, Badoo, POF, Zoosk, Christian Mingle, Happn, Coffee Meets Bagel, Match, Down, Blendr, whatever. Go on every dating site/app in your region that applies to your age and dating goals. The only time you should pass is if the site/app is not applicable to your situation. (For example, if you’re an older guy going after younger women, don’t use Tinder. If you’re out to just get laid and don’t want relationships, don’t use Match.) Other than that, use everything you possibly can, as many as you can. Go crazy. Do not rely on just one or two apps (unless you’re doing pay-for-it sugar daddy game and that’s all you want to do).
4. If you’re a younger guy, consider social media game to supplement your online dating. More and more guys are starting to use Instagram as a dating site, and making it work (in that they’re actually getting laid). I’ve never done this, so I can’t advise you on how to do it beyond the basics (that I talk about in my online dating manual), but I know it’s being done more and more. I’ve also heard about guys do this over Snapchat too. (Perhaps someday I’ll co-write and/or publish a book with some Instagram/Snapchat game gurus on how to do this.)
If you’re under the age of 35, I would strongly consider experimenting with creating an amazing Instagram/Snapchat profile and start messaging women who follow you, or even those who don’t. It’s a slower form of online dating than is typical, but it can work. Using this to supplement (not replace) your online dating efforts is a good idea if you’re open to it.
5. If you’re an older guy, consider sugar daddy game to supplement your online dating. If you’re over the age of 35 and you make the Alpha 2.0 minimum income of $75,000 per year or more, consider sugar daddy game as a supplement to your online dating. As I talk about in my dating manual, some forms of sugar daddy game can cost money, but it’s a lightning fast way to have sex with really hot, younger babes.
If you have more game or are better-looking, you can do don’t-pay sugar daddy game where you don’t pay the girls. If you have less game, you can do pay-for-it game if you just want to get from zero to the sex as fast as possible.
Like with Instagram game, I’m not suggesting you completely replace online dating with sugar daddy game (unless you want to). I’m saying you can use it to supplement your online dating to round out the results. Today, at age 46, I’m doing about 70% sugar daddy game (both kinds) and 30% normal online dating. At some point I’ll just move to 100% sugar daddy game, but I’ve met both of the requirements for this a long time ago.
For those of you who are in an OLTR or OLTR Marriage, this is yet another motivation to seriously look at sugar daddy game, for two reasons. One, unlike girls on normal dating sites/apps, the hotties on sugar daddy sites don’t care at all if you’re with a girlfriend or wife (and many actually prefer it, since most of these women have boyfriends themselves). Two, your OLTR will likely feel better about it since she will believe (whether rightly or wrongly doesn’t matter) that the only reason these women are having sex with you is because they’re getting paid (or think they might), which reduces both drama and jealousy on her part. It kills two important OLTR birds with one stone.
6. Maximize your physical appearance. I know you already know that, but you actually need to DO it you lazy asshole! I realize this is obvious, but I have to state this because so many of you are not fucking doing this. Way too many of you are putting up online pics and/or going out on dates when your hair looks like shit, your clothes look like shit, your skin looks like shit, and in some cases, your body looks like shit (and you’re dressing in a way that exacerbates your physical negatives, which is stupid).
Once again, I’m shocked that in 2018 I still see guys regularly throwing up online dating pics and/or going out on dates just wearing “whatever” and looking like another day at work, then complaining “online dating doesn’t work.” Instead, you need to meticulously examine every aspect of your appearance and address it one at a time, just as I talk about in my primary real-life (non-online) dating manual.
You have no right to complain online dating or real-life game doesn’t work if you aren’t taking the necessary time and effort to do it correctly.
7. Focus on roster-building rather than just getting laid. Anyone following my advice should be doing this anyway, but it’s such an important and fundamental concept to long-term masculine happiness that it bears repeating.
As I’ve discussed numerous times at this blog (especially here) and my books (especially this one), the goal is not to just get out there and get laid. The goal is to build a large roster of ex-FBs and ex-MLTRs with high return rates so that you don’t need to go out and game in first place. Once you’ve built up this roster like I have, you’ll rarely need to do any online dating because you can simply dip into your roster whenever you need another woman on rotation. This entire online dating problem barely affects me, since I’ve spent the last several years building up this roster. Because of this, I haven’t needed to do a big online dating blitz in about two years despite the fact I am regularly having sex with multiple women, every week, all the time, without any pause or dry spells, ever, even if certain women leave (which they do).
I expect the difficulties with all game (online, night, and day) to grow over the next few years. The men who will be smacked around by this and suffer the most are the men who are today just focused on getting laid, one night stands or similar, or very short-term relationships.
The men who take my advice, take a longer-term and more strategic view of this, and build rosters will have no problem whatsoever in the coming years. You’ll have a constant stream of returning women and will rarely (if ever) need to go back to the clubs, bars, malls, and yes, dating sites/apps to get new ones. While everyone is bitching about how game is getting too hard, you’ll be sitting pretty. Never forget that!
8. Read this article if you have any more excuses. Whatever excuse you’re getting ready to try to throw at me is already addressed in that article, so read it before leaving a whiny comment or email.
So that’s it. Yes, online dating is harder now. Yes, it will continue to grow harder in the short-term future until the next easy thing comes along. That’s not an excuse. It still works, and it can still work for you if you do the correct things.
Now stop complaining and get to work.