I used to listen to a lot of talk radio back in my early twenties. This was before cell phones and internet and was a much bigger thing back then (today talk radio has largely been replaced by podcasts).

When I was about 20 or so, I was driving around listening to a talk show whose subject was, of all things, men who grew up and married women who looked just like the celebrities or characters they were attracted to when they were young.

I couldn’t believe it. Man after man called in relaying their stories about how they lusted after such-and-such actress back in the 60s or 70s, and how they were now married to a woman who looked just like her.

My favorite story was a guy who called in and said that during the 60s, he would watch episodes of Gilligan’s Island almost every day because he lusted after Mary Ann. If you’re too young to know who that is, just YouTube it. Mary Ann was the down-home, cute, innocent, dark-haired, pigtailed country girl character in this old, silly sitcom.

25 years later, he was now married to a wife who looked just like Mary Ann, and had three daughters, all of whom looked like Mary Ann.

As funny as that sounds now, back then I was indignant. “What a bunch of fuckin’ shallow dumbasses!” I said. (I was in my twenties, remember. That’s the decade where men have near-zero emotional control and can’t control their tempers.) “I would never do something that stupid! Actually marrying a woman just because she looks like someone hot on TV or movies from your childhood? Lame!”

When I was in high school in the late 1980s, the primary celebrity I lusted after was Ellen Barkin. If you have no idea who this is, do a YouTube search for “Ellen Barkin Sea of Love” and that will give you a good idea. She was the typical 1980s sexpot with giant blonde 80s hair, big tits (Hollywood actually allowed leading women to have big tits in the 80s; shocking, I know) with a smokin’ body and a weird face who always played angry, slutty, sexy characters. When I was about 16, I ran to the movie theaters and watched any movie she was in, even if the movies themselves sucked, which they usually did. I wanted her so bad I didn’t care.

By the time I was about 22 or 23, I forgot all about her and moved on with my life, having real sex with real women instead of fantasizing about women in the movies.

Fast forward about ten years after I heard that radio show, I was about 30 years old, had been married for about five years, and had two kids. I woke up one weekend morning and looked over at my wife at the time who had just woken up herself. Something about the angle of her face or the lighting that morning made me notice something I had never noticed before.

“You know what?” I said, “Do you know what celebrity you kinda resemble?”

“I know, I know,” she said, “Everyone always tells me I look just like Ellen Barkin.”


What. The. Fuck.

I had no idea she looked like that. I hadn’t thought about Ellen Barkin in ten years. Yet here she was, a near Ellen Barkin lookalike laying in my bed next to me, married to me, and the mother of my children. I had become… one of those guys. And I wasn’t even aware of it until years later.

Oh, it didn’t stop. I’ll give you another one.

Way back before I was in high school, there were two movies, each with one scene in particular, that basically made me go through puberty.

The first one was the “Are you ready for me Ralph?” sex scene in Risky Business, where a very young Tom Cruise hooks up with a super hot blonde hooker (Rebecca DeMornay). (Again, Google/YouTube around if you’re a youngun’ who has no idea of what I’m talking about. If you’re a guy in my age range you already know to what I’m referring.)

The second one, the one I liked even more, was a brief scene in a very stupid 1982 Scott Baio movie called Zapped! It’s a scene that only lasts about 15 seconds, where Scott is fantasizing about how the Bitchy Hot Blonde Girl™ walks up to him in the middle of class and slowly starts seductively unbuttoning her sweater. There is no nudity, but this one scene had a massive impact on me as a kid. I re-watched that horrible movie over and over again, lusting after that girl (played by Heather Thomas) in every scene she was in.

(If you’re curious about that scene, some pervert found it, slowed it way down, and put it up on YouTube. I have no idea how long it will be up, but the link is here if you’re curious.)

That one scene was a huge part of my childhood Societal Programming and was key in determining my type. I even eventually bought my first girl poster because of it, and it was her, Heather Thomas, in a hot tub wearing a pink bikini. I was scared of what my family members would say so I actually hung it up in my closet instead of out on my bedroom walls. I think I was about 13 years old at the time. And of course, by 14 I replaced the poster with someone else and forgot all about her.

Until last year, 33 years later…

Last summer I went through a brief nostalgia kick where I watched a bunch of movies from the early 80s that I enjoyed as a kid. I talked about it at my other blog here. I went though old lists of mainstream movies from 1978 to about 1984 and watched a bunch of them when I could (I’m pretty busy, so this took me a while).

I eventually noticed Zapped! on one of the old movie lists. “Oh yeah!” I thought, “That was the one with that super hot girl I lusted over when I was a kid! Fun!”

So I started watching it, patiently waiting for that one scene. Then I saw it. Then I was shocked. I wasn’t watching Heather Thomas. I was watching Pink Firefly. Seriously. If, in that scene, you change Heather Thomas’ eye color from blue to brown, give her a more girly voice, and make her boobs much bigger, that’s Pink Firefly. They don’t look like twin sisters or anything, but the look and vibe is very close. Pink Firefly even dresses in similar colors and moves the same.

I couldn’t believe it. I had done it again. I had grown up and married the girl I lusted as a child. I’m a shallow bastard. Very, very weird.

And awesome too, at least this time around.

Though I admit all of this makes me sound a little shallow, but I promise I was never screening for Ellen Barkin or Heather Thomas lookalikes at any time in my life. This was all done on autopilot, which is my entire point here.

I’ve talked about the power of the subconscious mind several times before. Sometimes even I forget how powerful it is. Your subconscious never shuts off, never takes a break, and never forgets. Even decades later, it will still pull your strings and steer you into directions you aren’t consciously thinking of. Sometimes this is good. Sometimes this is very bad. That’s why you need to be careful about what you feed your brain, even when you’re a very young man (or kid).

I’m not saying every man will eventually marry his fantasy woman (though the Alpha Male 2.0 lifestyle is the most likely way to get this done). Beta males never get the confidence or game skills necessary to do this and instead settle for the typical, average-looking woman; the “best they can get.” Many right-wing Alpha Male 1.0s also never do this, since they tend to go full Guy Disney, set the bar way too high, and pursue a woman who doesn’t exist.

Regardless, your subconscious is directing many, if not most of your sexual decisions all the time. Whether or not you have sex, how often you have sex, how hot the women you have sex with are, how many women you have sex with, the type of women you have sex with or date (or marry), all of these things are the results of your subconscious directing you whether your are aware of it or not.

Never forget that.

Or at least try not to.

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30 Comments on “The Sexual Subconscious Never Shuts Off

  1. Jaclyn Smith.  I married a woman who looked like Jaclyn Smith. And she was MY GIRL  ( Not Farrah Fawcett) from Charlie’s Angels. I did noticed it though while married and took note.

    After the inevitable split (met at 26, married at 29, separated at 43) started dating a good buddy of mine  chuckled that all the girls I date meet and am interested in all made him comment that I have a ‘type’ tall, brunette pretty and lean.


  2. First time poster, long time lurker. BlackDragon, I appreciate your invaluable insight over the years. You have thoroughly changed my life and can’t thank you enough. This statement caught my attention:

    “(I was in my twenties, remember. That’s the decade where men have near-zero emotional control and can’t control their tempers.)”

    I have the hardest time controlling my temper. I’m 25, 6’3, 250lbs and a bodybuilder. I know apart of the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle is stoicism. I have gotten ALOT better since I am constantly trying to improve myself.But when someone pisses me off I feel like fucking snapping their neck.Do you have any advice on a man controlling his temper in his 20s? Although I believe its true, is you conclusion anecdotal or do you have research that backs your claim?

  3. Mine was Phoebe Cates back in the day-have to admit I am drawn to that type of woman.

  4. Wow, Ellen Barkin was hot back in the day!

    Also have to give you props for digging up those babes from the past. Heather is really hot! Maybe a little too skinny on the legs and ass for my taste, but still hot.

    Anyway, funny that you mentioned it. When I was a small kid I had a big crush on Lynda Carter from those Wonder Woman re-runs. Two years ago met one of my former MLTRs and she looked exactly like her!, only a little shorter and with bigger boobs and ass.

  5. Well, I can’t think of the actress who defined my type for me during my formative “young skull full of mush” years, but she was a long-haired brunette with nice waist and great legs!!

  6. I see flashes of Kim Basinger in my lady now.  Particularly the character she plays in 9 1/2 weeks.  She gets compared by many people to Sarah Jessica Parker frequently.

    I can’t think of who my ex wife of 20 years would be though.  I’ll have to do a celebrity doppleganger site or something.  But looking back at the women who have been interested in me back, there seems to be a majority of blondes.

    FWIW my celebrity doppelgangers are Steve Austin and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.  Do women have the same programming?



  7. Was obsessed with Candice Bergen growing up in the 70s and I looked her up right now. Gee, my wife, i married when I was 30, was a carbon copy and I never realised it. Genius post !

  8. Blonds are not my type, in their young age however I would rate Rebecca De Mornay a subjective 8 and Heather Thomas 7, however I can’t get passed Ellen Barkin’s face she’s ugly for me, her body looks fine though. Young Sofia Vergara is a solid 9 or 9.5 for me in pictures with make up, however in real life I think her seating height/upper body length is not petite enough for me.


    My best friend noticed a clear pattern in the facial features of the women I am attracted to. I tried to trace where this pattern comes from, and I came to realise it’s probably this 3D cartoon character Cléo who was presenting a short TV show about IT and video games called “Cyber Flash” on Canal+ in France when I was a teenager. How unrealistic! Here is a video of the TV show, I think it was weekly:

    And here is a show that Cléo presented later, I didn’t watch this one but we can see the characted from feet to head, sitting and standing:


    @BD How do subjectively rate these 3 women who shaped your subconscious? And how big would you rank Rebecca De Mornay’s breasts in “And God created woman”: small, average, big, extra large/use your own words? Big enough for you?

  9. Just take a guess what are guys going to be attracted to now and in following years.


    That’s right. Anime-like looking girls, but more likely video game characters and their cosplays, with all kinds of dyed hair and weird outfits. That’d be my friend for sure, he plays lots of games and his girlfriend has this strong redhead dyed colour. It’s redhead, sure, but if it were light blue, purple or some other shit I am attracted to this as well.

  10. Do you have any advice on a man controlling his temper in his 20s?

    Join the Alpha 2.0 Community (it’s free to join) and listen to the 2nd podcast I have over there.

    Although I believe its true, is you conclusion anecdotal or do you have research that backs your claim?

    Anecdotal, but I’m a public figure communicating with literally thousands of people over decades, so my version of anecdotal is a little more sample-size heavy than normal people.

    I would bet $100 that there is research that backs this up if one were to look.

    Do women have the same programming?

    No, or not nearly as much. Most women don’t have a “type” as detailed as men have.

    @BD How do subjectively rate these 3 women who shaped your subconscious? And how big would you rank Rebecca De Mornay’s breasts in “And God created woman”: small, average, big, extra large/use your own words? Big enough for you?

    Today? Low. DeMornay’s and Thomas’s boobs are way too small for me, and they lacked asses. My rule is that a woman needs at least one of the two: big ass or big tits. A pretty face with no ass, no hips, and no boobs isn’t enough for me today.

    The early 1990s version of Ellen Barkin is still good; her face is very weird but I usually prioritize body more than face. I realize that makes me unusual.

  11. With ya, BD. I’ll take a woman with a rockin’ bod and plain (but of course not unattractive) face any day.

  12. I would bet $100 that there is research that backs this up if one were to look.

    This is not exactly research but they claim to be based on biological research of DNA and/or immune system:






    A review:


    Would you try?
    I’d be curious to know the result with the women to whose scent I am the most attracted.

  13. You know, I suppose it is true to some extent. I am dating a girl who sort of looks like Emily Ratajkowski, but with smaller boobs. Sometimes she doesn’t (when we met it didn’t even cross my mind), but sometimes, at certain angles and facial expressions they are indistinguishable! The first time it happened I was shocked. We even joked one time by bringing up the picture of Emily from Instagram on my phone and putting it next to the her face to see how similar they look. Like twins hehe!

    I must say that I never had a goal to find a girl who looked like her, or any other celebrity I find hot. Didn’t even notice it for first few months. Could be just a coincidence, though.

  14. Mine is a little different.  I had a dream in ninth grade.  Realest dream I ever had, and it was a dream that spanned the events of a fun, three month summer with a girl.  She was darker skinned than me, like very native american looking with straight black hair even darker than mine.  She was wearing a tight red tshirt when we met in the dream.  We went on road trips and snuck out of our parents houses together.  It really felt like i spent three months with this person, and waking up that morning in ninth grade, alone really sucked.


    Ever since ive been a conquistador of dark latinas.  My favorite color quickly became red after that too!

  15. Actress Jane Seymour of ‘Medicine Woman’ fame. I’m in my forties, but I would still keep her company even though she is 66.

  16. ha ha ha, I totally remember that scene from zapped with Heather Thomas.  It’s funny what your mind locks onto in formative moments.

  17. I am most certainly attracted to women who look like my mother looked when I was a kid (even though I certainly don’t desire a maternal figure in my life). I’m sure this is also the case for many other men.

  18. A common theme for me is:

    Curvy – c cup boobs and above average sized ass. Larger than that turns me off
    Ass/Thighs > Boobs
    Very feminine
    Crazy/Outgoing(I’m quite reserved – intj)
    Quirky looks – Jennifer Lawrence, Rihanna, Scarlet Johansson, Sharron Lee(Porn Star)

    A black mix of Jennifer Lawrence, Rihanna and Samantha Symmonds(BBC News Presenter) would look like my ex that I dated for 8 years.

    I did get oneitis for a woman that did look like Jennifer Lawrence – Doh!

    I have a thing for short women recently(and I’m 6’3″ 300 lbs). Went through a string of short

    women in collge. Hmmmmm.

    Attracted to older women also after a ons a few years ago.

    what stands out more than all is they all were curvy, with an above average ass(not too large) and great thighs/calves.

    Thanks Caleb. I’m saving this!

  19. Heather Thomas has always been far far away from my radar (if I’m getting the timeline straight, a huge curly blonde Farrah Fawcett blurred the shit out my system on those days I guess!) but know that you mention her and based on my Googgle images search … I find her way way hotter as a mature woman than back then as a young one… but I was always an older ladies guy.

    If Pink Firefly pulls the same stunt … 😀 …

    😀 No! I don’t see FF flashes on my lady … of course … as you explained why😀.


  20. I married a woman that looks just like Elizabeth Shue.  I didn’t realize it until now.  And karate kid was one if the defining movies of my childhood…

  21. Two more I remembered:

    – Cameron Diaz in the mask…had a GF who looked a lot like her in the face department;

    – Linda Fiorentino…she did not age well (at all), but my taste for nasty women came from that sexual smirk she had;

  22. One of my friends sent me a pic of Stephen Arnell the other day saying how hot he was and it made me laugh because he looks just like her husband. She didn’t even notice until I said something. I was like you totally have a type.

  23. People said my ex husband looked like Tom Cruise. I was never particularly crazy for Ton Cruise or anything though. And I mostly like black men and there aren’t really tons of black male actors that I find attractive, definitely not from back when I was younger.

  24. This is called imprinting. It’s not really subconscious as an on going mental process. It’s more like the initial formation of sexual attraction preferences. Human males imprint during puberty on the visuals. Females may also imprint, but their sexual attraction cues are more diverse and so visuals play a lesser role.

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