The Sexual Subconscious Never Shuts Off
I used to listen to a lot of talk radio back in my early twenties. This was before cell phones and internet and was a much bigger thing back then (today talk radio has largely been replaced by podcasts).
When I was about 20 or so, I was driving around listening to a talk show whose subject was, of all things, men who grew up and married women who looked just like the celebrities or characters they were attracted to when they were young.
I couldn’t believe it. Man after man called in relaying their stories about how they lusted after such-and-such actress back in the 60s or 70s, and how they were now married to a woman who looked just like her.
My favorite story was a guy who called in and said that during the 60s, he would watch episodes of Gilligan’s Island almost every day because he lusted after Mary Ann. If you’re too young to know who that is, just YouTube it. Mary Ann was the down-home, cute, innocent, dark-haired, pigtailed country girl character in this old, silly sitcom.
25 years later, he was now married to a wife who looked just like Mary Ann, and had three daughters, all of whom looked like Mary Ann.
As funny as that sounds now, back then I was indignant. “What a bunch of fuckin’ shallow dumbasses!” I said. (I was in my twenties, remember. That’s the decade where men have near-zero emotional control and can’t control their tempers.) “I would never do something that stupid! Actually marrying a woman just because she looks like someone hot on TV or movies from your childhood? Lame!”
When I was in high school in the late 1980s, the primary celebrity I lusted after was Ellen Barkin. If you have no idea who this is, do a YouTube search for “Ellen Barkin Sea of Love” and that will give you a good idea. She was the typical 1980s sexpot with giant blonde 80s hair, big tits (Hollywood actually allowed leading women to have big tits in the 80s; shocking, I know) with a smokin’ body and a weird face who always played angry, slutty, sexy characters. When I was about 16, I ran to the movie theaters and watched any movie she was in, even if the movies themselves sucked, which they usually did. I wanted her so bad I didn’t care.
By the time I was about 22 or 23, I forgot all about her and moved on with my life, having real sex with real women instead of fantasizing about women in the movies.
Fast forward about ten years after I heard that radio show, I was about 30 years old, had been married for about five years, and had two kids. I woke up one weekend morning and looked over at my wife at the time who had just woken up herself. Something about the angle of her face or the lighting that morning made me notice something I had never noticed before.
“You know what?” I said, “Do you know what celebrity you kinda resemble?”
“I know, I know,” she said, “Everyone always tells me I look just like Ellen Barkin.”
What. The. Fuck.
I had no idea she looked like that. I hadn’t thought about Ellen Barkin in ten years. Yet here she was, a near Ellen Barkin lookalike laying in my bed next to me, married to me, and the mother of my children. I had become… one of those guys. And I wasn’t even aware of it until years later.
Oh, it didn’t stop. I’ll give you another one.
Way back before I was in high school, there were two movies, each with one scene in particular, that basically made me go through puberty.
The first one was the “Are you ready for me Ralph?” sex scene in Risky Business, where a very young Tom Cruise hooks up with a super hot blonde hooker (Rebecca DeMornay). (Again, Google/YouTube around if you’re a youngun’ who has no idea of what I’m talking about. If you’re a guy in my age range you already know to what I’m referring.)
The second one, the one I liked even more, was a brief scene in a very stupid 1982 Scott Baio movie called Zapped! It’s a scene that only lasts about 15 seconds, where Scott is fantasizing about how the Bitchy Hot Blonde Girl™ walks up to him in the middle of class and slowly starts seductively unbuttoning her sweater. There is no nudity, but this one scene had a massive impact on me as a kid. I re-watched that horrible movie over and over again, lusting after that girl (played by Heather Thomas) in every scene she was in.
(If you’re curious about that scene, some pervert found it, slowed it way down, and put it up on YouTube. I have no idea how long it will be up, but the link is here if you’re curious.)
That one scene was a huge part of my childhood Societal Programming and was key in determining my type. I even eventually bought my first girl poster because of it, and it was her, Heather Thomas, in a hot tub wearing a pink bikini. I was scared of what my family members would say so I actually hung it up in my closet instead of out on my bedroom walls. I think I was about 13 years old at the time. And of course, by 14 I replaced the poster with someone else and forgot all about her.
Until last year, 33 years later…
Last summer I went through a brief nostalgia kick where I watched a bunch of movies from the early 80s that I enjoyed as a kid. I talked about it at my other blog here. I went though old lists of mainstream movies from 1978 to about 1984 and watched a bunch of them when I could (I’m pretty busy, so this took me a while).
I eventually noticed Zapped! on one of the old movie lists. “Oh yeah!” I thought, “That was the one with that super hot girl I lusted over when I was a kid! Fun!”
So I started watching it, patiently waiting for that one scene. Then I saw it. Then I was shocked. I wasn’t watching Heather Thomas. I was watching Pink Firefly. Seriously. If, in that scene, you change Heather Thomas’ eye color from blue to brown, give her a more girly voice, and make her boobs much bigger, that’s Pink Firefly. They don’t look like twin sisters or anything, but the look and vibe is very close. Pink Firefly even dresses in similar colors and moves the same.
I couldn’t believe it. I had done it again. I had grown up and married the girl I lusted as a child. I’m a shallow bastard. Very, very weird.
And awesome too, at least this time around.
Though I admit all of this makes me sound a little shallow, but I promise I was never screening for Ellen Barkin or Heather Thomas lookalikes at any time in my life. This was all done on autopilot, which is my entire point here.
I’ve talked about the power of the subconscious mind several times before. Sometimes even I forget how powerful it is. Your subconscious never shuts off, never takes a break, and never forgets. Even decades later, it will still pull your strings and steer you into directions you aren’t consciously thinking of. Sometimes this is good. Sometimes this is very bad. That’s why you need to be careful about what you feed your brain, even when you’re a very young man (or kid).
I’m not saying every man will eventually marry his fantasy woman (though the Alpha Male 2.0 lifestyle is the most likely way to get this done). Beta males never get the confidence or game skills necessary to do this and instead settle for the typical, average-looking woman; the “best they can get.” Many right-wing Alpha Male 1.0s also never do this, since they tend to go full Guy Disney, set the bar way too high, and pursue a woman who doesn’t exist.
Regardless, your subconscious is directing many, if not most of your sexual decisions all the time. Whether or not you have sex, how often you have sex, how hot the women you have sex with are, how many women you have sex with, the type of women you have sex with or date (or marry), all of these things are the results of your subconscious directing you whether your are aware of it or not.
Never forget that.
Or at least try not to.