The outdated myth, perpetuated by Societal Programming, is that men one-night-stand women. And yes, that used to be true, particularly prior to the 1990s. Yet, as I’ve shown many times already, in the 1990s we entered into a new era where women are more sexually confident and aggressive and men are more pussified and needy.

In this new era in which we all find ourselves, women do indeed one-night-stand men, and do so all the time.

When on a first or second date with a woman, my entire focus is to bring her into a long-term nonmonogamous relationship with me, even if it’s just an FB. I never do one night stands and hate them utterly, since they’re too much work, as I explain here.

I’m pretty successful at this. 76% of every woman I have sex with twice becomes an ongoing nonmonogamous partner for me, often for many years (even if off-and-on).

However, that means that 24% of women one-night-stand me; they ghost me after we have sex the first time. To be fair to me, 24% is extremely low, probably the lowest of any other man in the PUA / manosphere world. I know this because I talk to a lot of these guys, and they complain about women one-night-standing them 70-90% of the time, not 24%. This is because these men are acting too playerish instead of using the 85/15 player/provider vibe I talked about here.

As always, if you want one night stands, and nothing else, then by all means, have them. This article is not for you though.

So why the hell do women one-night-stand men?

I’ll tell you why. Here are all the reasons they do this, listed in order of frequency and likelihood.

1. You were acting too much like a player. This is reason number one, top of the list. If you have sex with a woman fast and then the next day, she ignores your texts or responds to them but clearly doesn’t want to see you again, it is because your frame was too playerish.

This means you got laid fast, which is good. But it also means you activated buyer’s remorse in her girl-brain. Buyer’s remorse is a form of ASD that kicks in after a woman has sex with you instead of before. Right after having sex with you, on her way home (and yes, this is how fast it happens), she thinks, “OMG! I fucked that guy! I don’t even know that guy! I don’t even know his last name! I was a slut! But I’m not a slut! So I’ll just forget this ever happened and never see him again. Then I’m not a slut. Okay. Good.”

So you text her the next day and she freaks out and deletes your number. All you’re doing is reminding her that she’s a “slut.” She can’t have that! Aannnnnnndd she’s gone.

2. There’s another guy in the picture you don’t know about. This is the second most common reason. I never have reason number one because my entire game, frame, and dating system is carefully calibrated to avoid it. Since I only want long-term relationships, I want fast sex from new women without kicking in buyer’s remorse.

However, even if you do everything correctly, often you will run into these scenarios, where unbeknownst to you:

  • She already has a boyfriend.
  • She doesn’t have a boyfriend, but she’s got a guy she’s fucking. Maybe he’s her FB, or an ex, or someone she’s dating, or whatever.
  • There’s another guy she has a crush on and she’s trying to fuck him.
  • She’s in the middle of a false “break-up” with a guy, where she’s temporarily mad at him and saying she’s “breaking up” with him when in fact she’s not; she’ll go right back too him soon.
  • She’s going out on multiple first dates with multiple men (common with online dating) and another guy she likes just a little bit more than you just hit her up the next day after you had sex with her, so now you’re out and he’s in.

Again, it’s important to understand that you won’t know anything about this other guy, even after several dates and sex with her. As I’ve talked about before, women are absolute ninjas at hiding men in their sex life from other men.

There’s not much you can do about this, other than to accept it and keep putting in the numbers.

3. You were too rude, weak, or scary during sex. You had sex with her, but she doesn’t like how you fuck. Maybe you were too intense, loud, or dominant during sex (I’ve certainly had that problem). Maybe it was opposite; you were too light, romantic, or beta during sex and she wants to be fucked hard by a manly man (many beta males have that problem). Maybe you were the typical guy who was selfish during sex and didn’t bother to make her feel good or cum (huge mistake). Maybe your tiny three-inch dick freaked her out. Maybe you were just an asshole.

Whatever it was, she didn’t like it, so she won’t see you anymore.

To help prevent this:

  • Always make women cum during sex! This is one of my cardinal rules.
  • Never do anything too weird during first time sex (no anal, no choking, etc).
  • If you’re a super intense or dominant guy during sex (like I am), try to calm the fuck down the first time you have sex with her.

Remember, you can do all the fun stuff after Lock-In, which is after you’ve had sex with her twice. That first time or two though, be nice and take it easy.

4. You were too needy during or after sex. Maybe the sex was fine, but right after the sex, even the day after, you got excited and/or oneitis and started blowing up her phone with how hot / sexy she is and how you just can’t wait to see her again (or fuck her again). That’s a huge turn-off, and if you haven’t achieved Lock-In yet (which you haven’t after first-time sex) that will easily drive her away from you.

Neediness is unattractive, guys. I don’t care how hot she is or how great she is in bed; fucking control yourself and stop it with that crap.

5. You allowed too much time to go by between the first and second time. As I’ve said many times, during the dating phase, time is your enemy. Every day that goes by between the first and second time you have sex decreases the odds of you ever getting to that second time. As soon as you have sex with her, you need to see her again as fast as humanly possible to have sex a second time and get to Lock-In. (Then relationship management begins where you can only see her once a week.)

So yeah, you have sex with her on Monday and it’s great, but because you’re too disorganized or busy, you don’t bother scheduling another date with her until Wednesday of next week. You text her the day before and she ghosts your ass. Yep, you waited too long.

This also means you need to pre-plan scheduling logistics. For example, if you’re about to leave town for a week, don’t schedule any first dates until you get back. I say this as a man who travels internationally often (I’m in New Zealand as I type these words). Think strategically about this stuff; don’t just schedule dates because you’re excited.

6. She’s just weird. Sometimes none of these things are a problem at all, but she’s just weird. Some women are just strange. Some women are highly fickle or bi-polar. In some extreme cases, some women are drug addicts or alcoholics. In all of these odd cases, everything may be perfectly fine and there are no other men in the picture, but she just vanishes out of your life anyway. It’s rare but it does happen.

The more things you can do to reduce the odds of women one-night-standing you, the less it will happen. If you can get down to only a 24% woman one-night-stand rate like me, you’ll be much happier.

72 Comments on “When Women One-Night-Stand YOU

  1. Never do anything too weird during first time sex (no anal, no choking, etc).

    Damned! I started following your advice of  immediately fucking women the way I like it without asking for permission, and stoping something only if they ask to stop. Which for me means I fuck their ass as soon as possible since for me it accounts for a good 40% of my sexual satisfaction.

    I always make them cum with the clit except the 5% wierdos who can’t cum no matter what, and also G-spot cum (aka squirt) for a good 70% of them.

    Anyways, now I am confused. Should I fuck their ass or not the first time we have sex? Anal is veey important to me, I don’t want to have scores of women who refuse anal in my rotation. I kindan want only women who receive my cock in their ass in my rotation, unless they have somethig very special such as being FFM 3some enthousiats bisexuals.

  2. Always make women cum during sex! This is one of my cardinal rules.

    Even after you have been dating for a long time? I personally like going down on girls, but sometimes you just don’t feel it and want a quicky/being selfish. I can see it being a must for the first few months, but once a deeper bond is formed, does it matter just as much? Also, if you give her a good pounding for 20-30 minutes and she enjoys it but doesn’t cum, does that count?

  3. 4. You were too needy during or after sex. Maybe the sex was fine, but right after the sex, even the day after, you got excited and/or oneitis and started blowing up her phone with how hot / sexy she is and how you just can’t wait to see her again (or fuck her again).

    If I’m not wrong, you said once that you text her the day after to prevent buyers remorse and false rape acusation, so… How do you text her after sex without being needy? Do you apply the 85/15 frame here? how?

  4. @Ribeye

    I already tried, but naked dudes don’t make my cock hard, quite the opposite unfortunately.

  5. This one isn’t adding up right for me. Maybe I’m being pedantic but here it is…

    76% of the girls you have sex with twice become relationships.

    24% ONS you.

    These don’t fit together.

    24% you have sex with twice and it fizzles out. (Two-night stand?)

    These aren’t adding up logically even though I think I get your point.

     

  6. Chris, he says this:

    “76% of every woman I have sex with twice becomes an ongoing nonmonogamous partner for me…”

    But he might consider editing it as this:

    “76% of the women I have sex with a first time become ongoing nonmonogamous partners for me…”

    (This also corrects an even more pedantic quibble, that the original quote implies he can become a nonmonogamous partner with only 76% of a woman.)

    Anyway, keep it up BD, it’s all clear anyway!

  7. So, optimal logistics is to text her the next day already scheduling the next date asap? two days in a row would be ideal? It would be hard to do it given my usual frame, but I guess I can try…

  8. So yeah, you have sex with her on Monday and it’s great, but because you’re too disorganized or busy, you don’t bother scheduling another date with her until Wednesday of next week. You text her the day before and she ghosts your ass. Yep, you waited too long.

    How should we handle the scheduling if sex was on Monday evening.

    When should our first text be to her?
    Roughly what should we say?
    How soon is too soon for the next meeting? [is the next day (Tuesday evening) too soon?]

    My current approach is a few hours after or the next morning I send a text saying:
    Hey Nicki! Had a great time last night! : )

    Then after her response I send a text saying:
    When are you free this week to meet up again?

    Thanks Blackdragon.

  9. Interesting article. This is so true. Before my current GF I got ONS’d so many times from chicks I got off online and pickups. I almost always fucked them on the first meeting and in reflection I can probably see I had way too much player vibe.

    Didn’t worry me that much as I love ONS’s and is probably my preference. But it did confuse me when I couldn’t get a second fuck even when it seemed liked we and amazing connection and rocked the room with our sex. Some girls I made cum like 4 or 5 times and still no follow up.

    The GF and I are still getting ONS’d a lot as well with couples and girls we hook up with. I’m probably still too playerish and intense up front I’d say.

    I’m definitely going to explore some of these points to see if we can increase our second date odds with couples and girls we like.

  10. Interesting. Just ran my metrics.

    Assuming the conditions were the following:

    An ongoing sexual relationship was possible (i.e. we lived in the same city)
    I wanted an ongoing sexual relationship after the first time:

    50% of every woman I have had sex with has turned into an ongoing sexual partner, or could have turned into an ongoing sexual partner (but often times I don’t pursue this past the third time because I get bored).

    I’m sure some of this is because I give off player vibes, but I also use Tinder, which self-selects for girls that one-night stand you. I know that Blackdragon has preferred OKCupid and Match, which select for more serious girls.

    For exmaple: had an Australian exchange student over a few weeks ago. When I casually asked her why she came over that night, she said “you were available”.

     

  11. I’d also say, if he’s acting too playerish and she wants to ghost him before he ghosts her, which I have done before.

  12. In my experience, it’s the 2nd point that is most common, where there’s another guy involved.  They are either cheating on the guy outright or on some sort of “break”.   It’s happened to me several times and 9/10 that was the reason.  A few times it’s been engaged or about to be engaged chicks looking for a last fling.

    Definitely don’t take it personally if you did everything right.  Enjoy the lay and move one-you shouldn’t be focused on just one girl anyway so no skin off your back.

  13. How’s NZ? Very interested in your thoughts on the place.

    Big article on that coming soon.

    Should I fuck their ass or not the first time we have sex?

    Not. Wait until fuck number three.

    Even after you have been dating for a long time?

    Yes, but at the OLTR level when you’re seeing her more than once a week, you can back off on it a bit, since she won’t need it that often.

    If I’m not wrong, you said once that you text her the day after to prevent buyers remorse and false rape acusation

    Yes.

    How do you text her after sex without being needy? Do you apply the 85/15 frame here? how?

    Yes. Just send her a text like you’re sending one to your guy buddy. “Hey, I just saw a picture of a horse like the one you were talking about yesterday! Wild!”

    76% of the girls you have sex with twice become relationships.

     

    24% ONS you.

     

    These don’t fit together.

    24% you have sex with twice and it fizzles out.

    No, 24% have sex with me once and then leave. I almost never have a woman have sex with me twice and then leave (less than 1-2%).

    So, optimal logistics is to text her the next day already scheduling the next date asap? two days in a row would be ideal? It would be hard to do it given my usual frame, but I guess I can try…

    I understand what you’re saying, but the higher odds of locking her in is “worth” any possible frame damage that may occur. Life just moves too fast these days; you’ve got to move fast.

    Then after her response I send a text saying:
    When are you free this week to meet up again?

    Your example is fine but don’t say “I had a great time last night!” Too beta and too needy.

  14. One night stands from me have been because men aren’t good in bed, acted crazy possessive and jealous or super clingy after or because they were too aloof which could be playerish. Someone who just gets up and leaves after sex without enough affection is a big turnoff too. There is a happy medium.

  15. Yes, but at the OLTR level when you’re seeing her more than once a week, you can back off on it a bit, since she won’t need it that often.

    I’ve been meaning to ask this for a while. My OLTR wants sex everyday even when she’s on her period. I’m fine with it and we pretty much have had sex every day in the 2 years since we’ve been living together. BUT I just can’t make a session everyday really good. Sometimes I just want it to be pretty quick (like 30min) and cum. Most of the time she cums reasonably quick so it not really a big issue even though I know she would like it to go longer. But there have been a few times where I’ve finished early before she has cum and she comments on it being too short.

    I’ve taken the attitude that I try and rattle her bones like 2 to 3 times a week (even if I don’t feel like it) and the rest it depends on my mood and how long I’m happy to go for and she just has to live with that. I’d be interested to here your thoughts on this sort of situation with a live in OLTR.

  16. One night stands from me have been because men aren’t good in bed, acted crazy possessive and jealous or super clingy after or because they were too aloof which could be playerish. Someone who just gets up and leaves after sex without enough affection is a big turnoff too. There is a happy medium.

    Yep, exactly what I said in the article.

    My OLTR wants sex everyday even when she’s on her period.

    Damn. Awesome. A high sex drive gal.

    I’ve taken the attitude that I try and rattle her bones like 2 to 3 times a week (even if I don’t feel like it) and the rest it depends on my mood and how long I’m happy to go for and she just has to live with that. I’d be interested to here your thoughts on this sort of situation with a live in OLTR.

    I think that’s fine, and she needs to understand that you’re not Mr. Horny Superman every single day of your life. I certainly don’t expect that of women, so they can’t expect that of us. (And she has the option of getting her sexual needs met with other men, too.)

  17. (And she has the option of getting her sexual needs met with other men, too.)

    Haha yeah. Its funny because she doesn’t really like guys. She prefers women. She has quite a few options to hook up with other girls (and I’ve told her I’m totally ok with her doing that. Even though she only wants me to fuck other girls in front of her.) But she is too lazy to organise it with them and gets the shits with all the texting and logistics (and flakiness) it takes to hook up with other girls. I’m the one who has to organise any other girl options in our relationship.

    So her solution is to watch lesbian porn on her phone and masturbate next to me while I’m trying to go to sleep. Its pretty funny, but I’m used to it now so its not really causing me any issues. 🙂

  18. I think the problem has been I having sex with these 30s women, yes I can use them to train my seduction skill but for the sex part there are many of them tell me they aren’t sextified.

    (I don’t lick pussies, unless she’s way out of my league that makes me want to do so baaaaad)

    I can do dominant stuffs like holding their hands, spank their a as but I just couldn’t maintain erection hard enough when fucking these bodies

    Thoughts? Or I just don’t bother with mid 30s many of them are 4” or 5” imo

     

  19. I can do dominant stuffs like holding their body firm light spanking but I just couldn’t maintain erection for 2nd shot when looking at mid 30s bodies which made most of them disappointed cause I couldn’t make them cum

  20. I can do dominant stuffs like holding their body firm light spanking but I just couldn’t maintain erection for 2nd shot when looking at mid 30s bodies which made most of them disappointed cause I couldn’t make them cum

    But there are other ways of making a woman cum without using your penis. In fact, I think it’s often better if you can make her cum at least once before you even go in.

    As for the mid-30s bodies, I think lots of women in their mid-30s have great bodies (as can women in their 40s). I’m 26, btw.

  21. the problem is i dont like to eat pussies lol, i have to really find a woman superb hot to feel thaat desire.

    having a blowjob from a woman, is a submissive act.

  22. How do you text her after sex without being needy? Do you apply the 85/15 frame here? how?

    Think BD mentioned it earlier, but it bears repeating cuz its important; just text her like she’s one of your guy friends. What I do, if she doesn’t hit me up first (which happens about 90% of the time if I provided good company and/or performed well during sex) is just schedule the next meeting. This is my template:

    yoooooo
    last night was nice
    doing anything _____? We can go to _____ or just chill at my/your place again

    As long as you are inviting other chicks places (or don’t care if you see this particular one again) it isn’t needy. The needy text (which I used to send out back when I didn’t know any better) was:

    Hey ____! Last night was amazingggg! Enjoyed the sex/company, I hope (hope is a DIRTY word in seduction, it shows maximum neediness) you did tooooo
    What are you doing ____? I want to see you again!

    tbh the needy one is alright after lock in I guess as it shows you are more emotionally invested so it proves that you aren’t a fuckboi, but its still pretty weak. In my experience it can lock 33+s in who are not sure of you (provided they don’t catch feelings for you out of the gate, which should happen if you aren’t beta), and even that is a 50/50 chance.

    The needy text template does not work on any chick under 33 however. Chicks 25-33 despise neediness with even more intensity than chicks over 33, and if you are even one ounce needy towards chicks under 25, then its over. I’d argue that the reason we see all these chicks under 25 accusing guys of rape is either because the guys were too dominant, too needy, or a weird combination of both. Can’t really blame them for that.

    The first one is good no matter what your status with the chick is and no matter who the chick is. I use that all the time.

  23. the problem is i dont like to eat pussies lol, i have to really find a woman superb hot to feel thaat desire.

    I half agree with this. Some pussies are really nice and make you wanna dive and stick in there for 20+ minutes; others feel like a chore and you wanna just pay ‘lip service’ (pun intended) for a few minutes and move on.

    Do any of you have an idea on what percentage of women can just come vaginally provided they’re relaxed and you can pound them long enough?

  24. The needy text (which I used to send out back when I didn’t know any better) was:
    Hey ____! Last night was amazingggg! Enjoyed the sex/company, I hope (hope is a DIRTY word in seduction, it shows maximum neediness) you did toooooWhat are you doing ____? I want to see you again!

    I agree. I always try to avoid suggesting to a new girl that the sex was “amazing” or “extraordinary” or “the best I’ve ever had” or anything like that (even if it might have been). I used to do that but I think it didn’t work, partly because it must seem, when you think about it, rather unbelievable to the recipient of the message. I find it works much better if I say that the evening (afternoon, whatever) was fun and I enjoyed it, etc, etc, and arrange another meeting from there. I just don’t think exaggeration works.

    Do any of you have an idea on what percentage of women can just come vaginally provided they’re relaxed and you can pound them long enough?

    I don’t have any figures from studies etc (BD no doubt does), but based on my experience and on what women have told me, I’d say under half. But (again ime) the number who can have a vaginal orgasm if they’ve already had an orgasm during the session from some other means (oral, fingering, various combinations) is much higher, presumably because of the relaxation factor, apart from anything else. Of course, that’s not coming “just vaginally” in absolute terms, but it’s still worth trying for. Bringing a woman to orgasm however achieved is good.

  25. “OMG! I fucked that guy! I don’t even know that guy! I don’t even know his last name! I was a slut! But I’m not a slut! So I’ll just forget this ever happened and never see him again. Then I’m not a slut. Okay. Good.” 

    I laughed so hard at this. I can confirm this is true because i hustle in clubs (the same applies when you kiss her too early as well, ASD to the max).

  26. the problem is i dont like to eat pussies lol

    That’s why god invented fingers and vibrators.

    Do any of you have an idea on what percentage of women can just come vaginally provided they’re relaxed and you can pound them long enough?

    My educated guess is around 10-15%.

  27. 1.  Another guy – Using you to get back at ex or current but they ain’t over them yet.

    2.  Guy couldn’t get it up (very very common even among young guys), was bad, dick was too small, and etc.

    Most common reasons I find.

  28. What’s the deal when a MLTR/FB ONS you after she initiated the reunion after a temporary next?

    It happened to me recently and I found it particularly disappointing, to be completely honest.

  29. What’s the deal when a MLTR/FB ONS you after she initiated the reunion after a temporary next?

    Never happened to me. That’s an odd scenario.

    I found it particularly disappointing, to be completely honest.

    That’s your fault. You shouldn’t care.

  30. This also means you need to pre-plan scheduling logistics. For example, if you’re about to leave town for a week, don’t schedule any first dates until you get back.

    Good point. I certainly have been doing this a lot. Both with me leaving or her leaving. I didnt think that much of it but those women didn’t work out that well despite lots of other stuff being rather good.

  31. If you don’t go down on women, you can’t be good in bed. Just like a woman not giving blowjobs. It’s ridiculous not to do it. Get over your inhibitions about it because it’s no different than a woman who won’t go down. Vibrators and fingers don’t cut it. I can cum vaginally but continually having sex with someone with no oral is still a disappointment. You can’t have hangups about sex if you want to be proficient. It’s a major turn off and she’ll eventually want it from someone else if you aren’t doing it. It amazes me that there are men who don’t realize that.

  32. Maybe you were too intense, loud, or dominant during sex (I’ve certainly had that problem).

    If you’re a super intense or dominant guy during sex (like I am), try to calm the fuck down the first time you have sex with her.

    I want to learn to be more dominant during sex as I have enjoyed that when I’ve tried it a few times. I’m unsure though as to what do women enjoy having a dominant man do/say to them during sex, what are the upper limits of how dominant I can be (what are the limits to it), etc. Also, what do you mean that you’re intense during sex?

    I looked through your archive BD but I couldn’t find much “how-to” on being dominant (or intense) during sex with the exception of the article “50 Shades of Grey” where you wrote:

    I can’t tell you the number of times I’ll be having sex with a woman, and I’ll command her to turn over, or tilt her pelvis, or squeeze her pussy, or whatever, and I’ll get a look of shock as they say “Wow! You actually tell me what to do! That’s hot!”. When I first entered the seduction world, the first time or two a woman said this to me I actually said something like “What? Other men don’t do that?” Ah, how little I knew.

    Also in your article “Sexual Compatibility“:

    I’m very sexually dominant, so I grabbed her and pulled her towards me. She actually shoved my arms away and told me no. Hm. That had never happened before. She then informed me that she had to be on the top. Shit. I hate being on the bottom.

    During the entire time she was on top, she kept barking orders at me, told me to shut up, told me to not make any noise, and on and on. That’s a problem. I’m very loud. When I have sex, I sound like a roaring, retarded T-Rex. I don’t know what “quiet” means in a sexual context.

    However, they had the kind of bodies where they simply could not take the intense, dominant, pounding and crushing I do when I have sex. One would actually bleed sometimes. The other would get extremely sore for several days afterwards to the point of causing intense pain.

    I’m into dominant, rough, pounding sex. Not BDSM (that requires too much thought, and my brain shuts off during sex), just dominant. The vast majority of women I’ve had sex with either enjoyed it to some degree or at least didn’t mind it, mostly because, I think, most women are accustomed to modern-day men being timid during sex (again, most men are betas today) and being with a “real man” (not my words, theirs) is different and thus stimulating.

  33. If you don’t go down on women, you can’t be good in bed.

    Partially disagree. I think that for most women, using your tongue to make them cum is best, but if a man is resistant to this idea but he’s very good with his fingers or he has a really good vibrator, he can make a woman cum just fine with minimal problems (unless she’s an unusual exception to the rule).

    I get what you’re saying; men who go down on women and are good at it are better in bed than men who don’t, but on the technical specifics I disagree with your statement above.

    Just like a woman not giving blowjobs. It’s ridiculous not to do it. Get over your inhibitions about it because it’s no different than a woman who won’t go down.

    I agree.

    Vibrators and fingers don’t cut it.

    Correction: vibrators and fingers don’t cut it for you. You are not all women. Fingers or a good vibrator will indeed more than “cut it” for most women.

    You also need to remember that there’s a percentage of women who don’t like men going down on them. They’re not the norm but I’ve encountered many of them. How do you make them cum? Fingers or vibrator.

    It’s a major turn off and she’ll eventually want it from someone else if you aren’t doing it. It amazes me that there are men who don’t realize that.

    Only if he doesn’t make her cum at all, then I completely agree with you. But if he takes the time to make her cum in another way, like with great David Shade fingering technique or a kickass vibrator (for example), she’ll be fine (in most cases).

    I want to learn to be more dominant during sex as I have enjoyed that when I’ve tried it a few times. I’m unsure though as to what do women enjoy having a dominant man do/say to them during sex, what are the upper limits of how dominant I can be (what are the limits to it), etc. Also, what do you mean that you’re intense during sex?

    I’ve been asked that before but I’m hesitant to give specific answers to that question, since most men and women will have a different definition for what “dominant” is. But I’ll add that to the topic list for a future article here.

  34. “time is your enemy”  This is important.  Many times women want to see a text or message from the man, EVEN though they won’t reply until later, etc.  

     

    I’ll add another reason to the list that applies only to me.  I’m one of those guys that rarely gets off.  This usually ends up with the girl saying “what’s wrong? I’m not pretty? ”  and eventually “are you gay?”  So some women really do want to feel like they pleased the man.

  35. @ BD- just because a woman came with a vibrator doesn’t mean the sex was good. She can do that at home. Fingers aren’t sufficient either- it’s not the same. The women who say they don’t like oral are probably traumatized by some guy who made them feel like it was “gross” due to his hangups. The right guy would definitely be able to make her enjoy it.

    Im not just talking about me. I’ve talked to lots of women and we pretty much all think men who don’t go down are lame. It’s a disservice to men to tell them they can make women happy in bed without it. There may be a very tiny percentage, but for the vast majority they want it, whether they admit that to you or not, but they want it from men who enjoy it- not those who are afraid of it. So, if a guy doesn’t like it he needs to learn to get past that.

    Ive gone down on a handful of women in my life and it wasn’t gross at all. I’m not even into women and don’t consider myself bi but it’s really no grosser than giving a guy a blow job. Unless you are sleeping with some woman that doesn’t bathe you should be fine.

    Being good with your fingers or a vibrator will never be good enough because if a woman senses that you are disgusted by the idea of going down on her she is going to be more inhibited with you. Lack of inhibition is what makes for good sex.

     

     

     

  36. I’ll add another reason to the list that applies only to me.  I’m one of those guys that rarely gets off.  This usually ends up with the girl saying “what’s wrong? I’m not pretty? ”  and eventually “are you gay?”  So some women really do want to feel like they pleased the man.

    Not just you – I have the same issue, I think. https://www.healthline.com/health/delayed-ejaculation#1

    I have no problem getting hard, but it’s difficult to reach orgasm. Always been a bit on an issue for me, but seems to be worsening with age (I’m 60)

    Women who can multiple orgasm via PIV sex are very enthusiastic about this…at least at first.  And they usually try very hard to make me come, and seem disappointed if I can’t.

    AFAIK, it’s never led to a women ONSing me, but am starting to wonder if it is causing retention problems.  Women will have sex with me for anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple of months, but then seem to drift away.

    I’ve recently started telling them directly that I don’t always orgasm – usually the first time we have sex – and that they mustn’t take it personally.  Too soon to tell whether this is working or not.

    BD, any thoughts?

     

     

     

  37. ok so this got me thinking about something?

    If you are a woman dating a guy that does not believe in Disney monogamy and she is looking for “love”, how does she tell if a man truly loves her?  Because they have been so brainwashed to believe that Monogamy = Love or vice versa.  To THEM, they are one in the same lol.   Especially in the beginning or first year probably.

    I would say that the fact that I don’t abuse them, don’t lie to them, don’t cheat on them, spend time with them, give massages to them, make sure they orgasm, cook sometimes for them, go on dates with them, have them involved with family, etc as all ways to prove my love.  But some women will ignore all of this as proof of “true love” anyways LMAO.

    So, what is the # 1 sign or top 3 signs to know if an Alpha 2 man really loves a Woman?

     

  38. Im not just talking about me. I’ve talked to lots of women and we pretty much all think men who don’t go down are lame. It’s a disservice to men to tell them they can make women happy in bed without it. There may be a very tiny percentage, but for the vast majority they want it, whether they admit that to you or not, but they want it from men who enjoy it- not those who are afraid of it. So, if a guy doesn’t like it he needs to learn to get past that.

    As BD said, I think you might be overgeneralizing your own preferences a bit. I’ve been with fewer than 20 women, but have run into some who either don’t care about receiving oral, or are even actively repulsed by the idea.

    Though certainly a solid majority seem to enjoy it. I think it was Dan Savage who said that oral is “just assumed to be a standard part of the package these days, for both men and women”.

    But I agree with the basic point. I was always a bit squeamish about giving oral, and have – very late in life – recently forced myself to push past it, and just do it anyway.

    The net result is that my squeamishness just went away.  And the pleasure I’ve been able to give my partners has been most gratifying!  An added bonus…they are more motivated to return the favor.

    So guys, it’s definitely worth pushing yourselves a little past your comfort zone here…you will be glad you did.

    Ive gone down on a handful of women in my life and it wasn’t gross at all. I’m not even into women and don’t consider myself bi but it’s really no grosser than giving a guy a blow job. Unless you are sleeping with some woman that doesn’t bathe you should be fine.

    Some women smell bad, even with good hygiene – I don’t know why.  But only a small minority IME – I’ve only had one where it was an issue.

     

  39. Hey BD,

    I’d like to add a number 7 to your list of why women 1-night stand guys:

    7. There’s a certain population of women  (very small, but I’ve met a few) who like recreational sex, and enjoy one-nighters as part of their sexual repertoire.

    Of course in ultra-prudish America being open about such proclivities can get you in trouble, so it’s very much an underground thing, just like it is for the women who like MMF threesomes, or even gang-bangs. At least MFF threesomes are almost considered mainstream now though, so the bi-girls have an easier time of things.

  40. I’m not just talking about me. I’ve talked to lots of women and we pretty much all think men who don’t go down are lame.

    This ^^. I’m with LG on this one. This accords with what I’ve been told by women.

    Learn from one of the best, guys.

    Use your hands, use your Hitachi, stroke that g-spot, get a deep spot toy, but do the oral. Just do it! It’s not always about speed or intensity of orgasm.

    if a woman senses that you are disgusted by the idea of going down on her she is going to be more inhibited with you

    Once again, LG has hit the nail on the head. This is huge, guys.

  41. Do any of you have an idea on what percentage of women can just come vaginally provided they’re relaxed and you can pound them long enough?

    I can now make about 70% of woman have a G-spot orgasm which manifests with female ejaculate (squirt), using my middle finger and my ring finger inside her pussy. It helps at least for her first time if she seats on the toilet sas she won’t be affraid to poop or pee. She needs to push out with her vagina muscles, if she do not consciously let go she can’t fully orgasm that way. So it’s important to take time to explain.

    https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-make-a-woman-squirt-1

    This is pretty accurate but they use the index and middle finger, I find it much easier using the middle and ring finger with the 2 other fingers up like the american sign language for “I love you”, according to this (the middle and ring finguer are inside):

    https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-the-I-love-you-hand-sign-and-the-Devils-Horn-sign

     

    Also the explanation sounds like the motion is only the finguers. Personally I find that the finger motion should be accompanied by the whole arm so that you push really strong with the last phalange of you finger flat on the vaginal wall where the G-spot is located. The first scene in this video (NSFW) gives a very accurate example of the strengh and speed of motion, however most women require a longuer stimulation, like maybe one minute or 2. The strengh is intense. Personally I feel I need to stop after a little while because my arm muscles are just too tired, like I just pumped some iron. I am not muscular though.

    https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph587bf4d603e37

     

    Perhaps 5 or 10% of women can squirt when hitting the same spot with my cock through anal sex or vaginal sex. It’s much more complicated or I just haven’t yet found the proper moves.

    Note that the 70% of women is attained after I already made them orgasm with the clit, which seems to help for the G-spot orgasm. But still it’s possible for women to squirt before a clitoris orgasm, it just seems in my experience to be a bit more difficult to do.

  42. Do any of you have an idea on what percentage of women can just come vaginally provided they’re relaxed and you can pound them long enough?

    In case that wasn’t clear my answer to that question is that probably more than 90% of women can have a G-spot orgasm with female ejaculate (squirt) that way. At least using the proper technique with fingers and proper explanation, in a place where she won’t mind risking pooping (very rarely happens) and peeing (because before this happens if she never experienced it, she believes she is peeing, it’s not pee however the result is still a warm water like liquid that can really wet the bed if she squirts a lot).

     

    I don’t see any reason why this could not be reproduced with high success rate with the cock, however the motion is certainly not the “in and out” motion you are used to, but more a somehow “up and down” motion, and/or combined with a very specific angle to properly stimulate. Also she has to push your dick out at the right moment. She has this thing to do on her end that you have to explain her, if she doesn’t do it, no matter what you do she can’t orgasm this way. If she doesn’t do it, it’s as if she was using all her strengh and focus to avoid ejaculating (because she believes it’s pee and shameful or too wierd, so she Social Programmed herself to hold in the female ejaculate and never let herself experience the G-spot orgasm). It’s as if as men we programmed ourself to never ejaculate and whenever we feel too aroused we contracted all our body to avoid ejaculating at all costs considering our ejaculate as a dirty gross or shamefuk waste.

     

    I have been able to make some women squirt with my cock witch vagnal and anal, but I haben’t yet found the exact angle and motion that to reproduce this result with high success rate.

  43. Im not just talking about me. I’ve talked to lots of women and we pretty much all think men who don’t go down are lame.

    That’s correct, but that’s not what you said in your first comment. You said a vibrator or fingers won’t cut it. That’s incorrect for most women.

    I’ve recently started telling them directly that I don’t always orgasm – usually the first time we have sex – and that they mustn’t take it personally.  Too soon to tell whether this is working or not.

    BD, any thoughts?

    You’re correct; that will cause a problem with retention. Women hate it when men don’t cum. It makes them feel unattractive and self-conscious (yes, I know that’s insane, but we’re talking about women here). And you verbalizing it with man-logic isn’t going to help at all.

    Get to a doctor ASAP and fix it. As I’ve said many times, if I suddenly started having a problem with my dick not working correctly, I would be at the doctors office that week getting it resolved. I wouldn’t wait.

  44. A vibrator or fingers won’t cut it if you never go down on her. Same as regular sex and hand jobs aren’t going to cut it for a man if he never gets blow jobs.

  45. A vibrator or fingers won’t cut it if you never go down on her.

    For you. Not for everyone. I’ve maintained long relationships with several women where I never went down on them but made them cum every time. (Though granted, they were the exceptions.)

    Same as regular sex and hand jobs aren’t going to cut it for a man if he never gets blow jobs.

    Incorrect. I’ve had several long-term FB‘s and MLTR‘s who never gave me a blowjob in their entire life and the sex was fucking great for years.

    Not all women, or all people, are you like you. I know that’s hard to understand sometimes.

  46. Thats lame.  Just because you maintained long sexual relationships with them doesn’t mean they were entirely happy with it. They were probably fucking someone who was going down on them so it didn’t matter as much Like I said, I’m not just speaking for myself. A lot of women don’t tell men all their sexual needs and desires. Women talking to each other, on the other hand, will go into detail and I have heard a lot, from women.

  47. Just because you maintained long sexual relationships with them doesn’t mean they were entirely happy with it.

    Irrelevant. The relationships lasted a long time with no drama and lots of sex. Mission accomplished.

    They were probably fucking someone who was going down on them so it didn’t matter as much

    Maybe in some cases, which is reason #47 I never do monogamy.

  48. If you don’t go down on women, you can’t be good in bed.

    Complete horseshit! My girlfriend has consistently told me how amazing I am in bed, and yet I never went down on her once. She gets that for her secondaries and tertiaries.

    she’ll eventually want it from someone else if you aren’t doing it.

    What’s wrong with that? That’s the beauty of open relationships. You don’t have to get all of your sexual needs met by one person. You can spread them out across multiple people in order to be fully satisfied.

    I agree that this would be a problem if you’re into monogamy though.

    They were probably fucking someone who was going down on them so it didn’t matter as much

    Exactly! That’s the solution. Open relationships.

    Another reason to feel sorry for mono people. They have to do what they don’t want to, in order to keep their partner happy. Whereas, I can just say to my girlfriend to fuck one of her fuck buddies instead!

    Why are you warning us about our women “getting it from someone else” when that’s precisely what we want them to do? Have you forgotten that we’re poly?

     

  49. Irrelevant. The relationships lasted a long time with no drama and lots of sex. Mission accomplished.

    @ BD: This may not be the best one, but it still is an illustration of a viewpoint you present consistently on this blog – paraphrasing (my understanding): “Other people’s wellbeing matters to me only to the extent it gets my needs met.”

    How do you reconcile this with genuine love and care? Or don’t you?

  50. @ BD: This may not be the best one, but it still is an illustration of a viewpoint you present consistently on this blog – paraphrasing (my understanding): “Other people’s wellbeing matters to me only to the extent it gets my needs met.”

    Correct, since the only way I can meet my needs is by meeting other people’s needs. That’s how nature is designed; it’s capitalism 101. Just look: I’m arguing here that, in order to get my needs met, I make all women I have sex with cum every time I have sex with them. Name three other men you know who also do this. You probably can’t.

    And then, if a woman stays with me for years and years, she’s clearly getting her needs met, or she wouldn’t stay. So I’m getting her needs met, and I’m getting mine met. If I was just getting mine met, she wouldn’t last 2 weeks.

    All human action is selfish. All. The only difference is rational selfishness (making women cum every time you have sex so they stick around and keep fucking you for a long time) or irrational selflessness, (pump a girl for 3 minutes, feel good, cum, hop off, and hope she’ll respond to your text the next day).

    How do you reconcile this with genuine love and care? Or don’t you?

    http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2011/07/07/what-about-love/

  51. I see a difference between “other people’s wellbeing matters to me only to the extent it gets my needs met” and “I care about meeting my needs as well as about meeting other people’s needs”.

    And then, if a woman stays with me for years and years, she’s clearly getting her needs met, or she wouldn’t stay. So I’m getting her needs met, and I’m getting mine met. If I was just getting mine met, she wouldn’t last 2 weeks.

    Man-logic (as you call it). I once spent 8 years waiting for a guy who – on a very occasional basis – satisfied A FEW of my sexual and emotional needs (but frustrated me most of the time), hoping that ultimately a relationship would develop that would meet more of my needs or at least meet those aforementioned consistently, “because I loved him”.

    Whose fault was it? Mine, of course. I was inexperienced and dumb. Relying on the man’s potential and words more than on his actions. Were my needs being met during those 8 years? Some of them, very occasionally. Was I happy with the situation? 99% of the time not. Is my story unique? Hardly. Often women “sober up” earlier than after 8 years but there are still plenty who just keep hoping.

    I’m not saying your women weren’t happy with you – just that women’s “staying around” is not reliable evidence of them having their needs met.

    Thanks for the link to the old article on love. Forgot about it.

  52. @K

    A woman staying around should be a form of evidence he is meeting SOME kind of need for her.

    It could be emotional, sexual, or financial I suppose.  Regardless, 97% of all women are never happy anyways so I do not make this my goal ever.  I even tell the woman that up front!  That I do not feel I would be able to keep you happy long-term nor do I want to try.

    If this man was not meeting your sexual needs, why didn’t you just offer to date him openly or non-exclusive?  The reason is that you wanted to be a victim and bitch about something probably right? =)

    That is one of the biggest problems with 100% mono relationships – it is usually a no-win situation for the man…

  53. I see a difference between “other people’s wellbeing matters to me only to the extent it gets my needs met” and “I care about meeting my needs as well as about meeting other people’s needs”.

    Because you’re A) more emotional than me and B) a female.

    To me, it’s about getting there. Your internal thoughts while getting there aren’t relevant. I know you disagree with that though.

    I once spent 8 years waiting for a guy who – on a very occasional basis – satisfied A FEW of my sexual and emotional needs (but frustrated me most of the time), hoping that ultimately a relationship would develop that would meet more of my needs or at least meet those aforementioned consistently, “because I loved him”.

    And that was…

    Whose fault was it? Mine, of course. I was inexperienced and dumb.

    Yup. Not his fault. Yours.

    Thus my point.

    I’m not saying your women weren’t happy with you – just that women’s “staying around” is not reliable evidence of them having their needs met.

    Utterly incorrect. When a woman is an FB, she knows it. My frame and actions and words are 100% congruent to this. It’s a little more grey with an MLTR but not much. I don’t do monogamy, don’t pretend to, and nothing in my frame suggests it.

    You’re talking about the typical guy who dates a woman in the typical way (strong hints of monogamy or getting serious “someday”). That is, of course, not what I do, nor what I recommend (unless you really mean it, like with a high-end MLTR or OLTR).

  54. @ TheRealCurtis

    If this man was not meeting your sexual needs, why didn’t you just offer to date him openly or non-exclusive?  The reason is that you wanted to be a victim and bitch about something probably right? =)

    Yeah, right… We discussed an open relationship many times and de facto had it (unfortunately not in the BD textbook sort of way); however:

    i) he struggled with the concept himself (oscillating between the desire for “one true love” and sexual variety)

    ii) I wanted to sleep with him, the idea of sex with someone else was repulsive for me; only after 6 years I met someone else with whom I enjoyed sex but it wasn’t until I finally identified the probable causes of my emotional hangups (which took 2 more years) that I was able to disengage emotionally as well

    iii) I had a shitload of family-programming: my mom with my step-dad are a unique case of a couple who have been continuously in love since 1989 (imagine what it felt like to come home, as a brokenhearted teenager, to find your parents kissing passionately and later at night listen to their lovemaking 🙂 ) – they always said that “when s/he’s the one, you know it” and my step-dad describes his falling in love with my mom as “being hit by a hammer and never recovering since”.

    iv) up until a point, I never bothered scrutinizing my needs; approaching relationships more rationally has helped me a lot

  55. Same as regular sex and hand jobs aren’t going to cut it for a man if he never gets blow jobs.

    Doesn’t go for all men either.  I don’t care for them.

  56. I once spent 8 years waiting for a guy who – on a very occasional basis – satisfied A FEW of my sexual and emotional needs (but frustrated me most of the time), hoping that ultimately a relationship would develop that would meet more of my needs or at least meet those aforementioned consistently, “because I loved him”.

    The huge difference is that you don’t want to see him sexually again, but BD’s women were going and coming all the time. This says a lot about meeting the needs.

    The difference is that you are with men that once you leave them, you leave them forever. Because you are not sexually attracted to them. And you stay in the relationships mostly because of societal acceptance, not because you really feel it.

    Women in our situation stay for years because they get something, they can’t get out there. Women adore us, not just love us because of this. They leave only because they are frustrated we are not giving in to their societal programming and accept their demands – the attraction stays and its very high. They are coming back saying they won’t meet another guy like this. From a woman’s perspective it’s really difficult to comprehend how this feels if you are not into such situations.

  57. There may be men out there who don’t enjoy blow jobs and women out there who don’t enjoy oral but mostly that’s because they are inexperienced with receiving good oral sex. Ive personally never met a man who didn’t seem to enjoy blow jobs but I’m sure there are some that exist. The percentage is so small it doesn’t change things much. Same with women.  There are people in the world who claim not to enjoy sex at all and I think we can assume they have either been traumatized or never experienced good sex. Our bodies are made to enjoy it.

     

  58. Our bodies are made to enjoy it.

    Good. So they can enjoy both giving and receiving oral sex with other men. That way, they can feel fulfilled and leave me alone.

  59. @ hey hey

    The huge difference is that you don’t want to see him sexually again, but BD’s women were going and coming all the time. This says a lot about meeting the needs.

    I was coming and going all the time too. For occasional sex and even more occasional romance. For 8 years. When I eventually left forever, it was because it dawned on me that the maximum this man was ever going to give me would be sex and intimacy once a week on average. When he would feel like it. That was a working setup for him, not for me. Being attracted to someone is great but if it makes you pretty much consistently unhappy, you’d better remove that person from your life.

    The difference is that you are with men that once you leave them, you leave them forever. Because you are not sexually attracted to them. And you stay in the relationships mostly because of societal acceptance, not because you really feel it.

    What on earth made you think so?

    Women in our situation stay for years because they get something, they can’t get out there. Women adore us, not just love us because of this. They leave only because they are frustrated we are not giving in to their societal programming and accept their demands – the attraction stays and its very high. They are coming back saying they won’t meet another guy like this. From a woman’s perspective it’s really difficult to comprehend how this feels if you are not into such situations.

    Good for you. I used to say the same BS to the above guy (back then fully convinced I couldn’t live without him). Guess what – nowadays I sincerely hope I won’t have to deal with another guy like this in my life again 🙂 Don’t take it personally, though, he really was a borderline case.

  60. I was coming and going all the time too. For occasional sex and even more occasional romance. For 8 years. When I eventually left forever, it was because it dawned on me that the maximum this man was ever going to give me would be sex and intimacy once a week on average. When he would feel like it. That was a working setup for him, not for me. Being attracted to someone is great but if it makes you pretty much consistently unhappy, you’d better remove that person from your life.

    As BD said

    You’re talking about the typical guy who dates a woman in the typical way (strong hints of monogamy or getting serious “someday”). That is, of course, not what I do, nor what I recommend (unless you really mean it, like with a high-end MLTR or OLTR).

    If you really read through this blog you will probably not find one man in your lifetime who has at least this strong frame to follow through such system. If you do and cope the initial stage you probably won’t be having those questions.

    Also your man’s setup was likely: monogamous, paying most if not all the time, treating you like the one and only, yo yoing between offering you the world when you demanded/threatened and going back to his old ways the next day and full of drama.

    It’s not the same thing. The setup is the difference and the ability of the man to follow through.

    Why many young people fail miserably at open relationships? Because they build it the wrong way.

    What on earth made you think so?

    I remember another older post of yours. Maybe I’m thinking about the wrong person.

    Good for you. I used to say the same BS to the above guy (back then fully convinced I couldn’t live without him).

    Believe me I know the difference. And I don’t care if a woman can or can’t live without me.

  61. I remember another older post of yours. Maybe I’m thinking about the wrong person.

    Whatever has led you to conclude that I stay in relationships “mostly because of societal acceptance”, it is a misunderstanding. It is true that I once dated a man who I was somewhat attracted to at the very beginning and when the attraction dissipated early on, I continued to date him for other reasons. I probably shouldn’t have done that – I’m not 100% sure since he’s now very happy in a relationship with someone he met after he and I broke up. Other than that, I have never left a man because of reduced / eliminated sexual attraction. And obviously, this man is not the one I was referring to above.

    Also your man’s setup was likely: monogamous, paying most if not all the time, treating you like the one and only, yo yoing between offering you the world when you demanded/threatened and going back to his old ways the next day and full of drama.

    This paragraph indicates you’re not really reading my posts, but rather making generalisations based on your experience.  I’m not gonna bother refuting your assumptions, just repeat that I was not making any comparisons between my ex and BD, only pointing out that women may (and do) stay in relationships that do not meet their needs for a long time => therefore “if a woman stays with me for years and years, she’s clearly getting her needs met, or she wouldn’t stay” is, on its own, a weak argument.

  62. This paragraph indicates you’re not really reading my posts, but rather making generalizations based on your experience.

    I can read between the lines

    once spent 8 years waiting for a guy who – on a very occasional basis – satisfied A FEW of my sexual and emotional needs (but frustrated me most of the time), hoping that ultimately a relationship would develop that would meet more of my needs or at least meet those aforementioned consistently, “because I loved him”.

    And what I really said is that yes you are comparing two different things, apples and oranges without realizing it. Because you stayed for other benefits.

    Other than that, I have never left a man because of reduced / eliminated sexual attraction.

    That’s what you want to believe and keep on saying to yourself, but you don’t realize that you even admitted it in the paragraph above – “satisfied few of my sexual needs but frustrated me most of the time”. Why you stayed 8 years? Beats me, plenty of reasons but it was definitely not attraction. I definitely know the real reason for leaving him forever though.

    only pointing out that women may (and do) stay in relationships that do not meet their needs for a long time

    Yes needs in your case might be social acceptance or money or lack of options or gifts or too much attention and since you said he frustrated your sexual needs most of the time then it means you stayed for other benefits.

    We don’t provide these things. So why women stay for years?

  63. Yes needs in your case might be social acceptance or money or lack of options or gifts or too much attention and since you said he frustrated your sexual needs most of the time then it means you stayed for other benefits.

    We don’t provide these things. So why women stay for years?

    Absolutely right.

  64. Some women smell bad, even with good hygiene – I don’t know why.  But only a small minority IME – I’ve only had one where it was an issue.

    I only date women how smell good.  I am obsessed with giving oral and if there’s a smell I’m done.  I will go down on a woman for ever and have perfected it.  Obviously for that reason bigger women are out for me.  Not all smell but It does present a potential for more smell.

    Im not just talking about me. I’ve talked to lots of women and we pretty much all think men who don’t go down are lame. It’s a disservice to men to tell them they can make women happy in bed without it. There may be a very tiny percentage, but for the vast majority they want it, whether they admit that to you or not, but they want it from men who enjoy it- not those who are afraid of it. So, if a guy doesn’t like it he needs to learn to get past that.

    Dated 2 women in a row who didn’t like it at all.  Another one awhile back who also didn’t.  So there are women who do not like it.  Usually they have some insecurity (worried about smell or something else) or the case in the last to, more dominant women.  I can overcome that by my enthusiasm, the 69 position (some dominant women love sucking dick) , and their multiple orgasms in a row.

  65. interesting cuz I lose some girls that i’d really like to put in rotation and I think it might be cuz of this.

     

    ‘You allowed too much time to go by between the first and second time.’

     

    I would wait about a week to hit them up again but for some women this might hurt their pride? I have a hunch it’s this cause I hooked up with a 9+ and I accidently texted her to meet up 2 days later via mass text and she was down then I said oh something came up and by the next week her attraction had fizzled or it had hurt her pride.

    I also know verbally that this model I picked up because I waited a week she disqualified me and found out through a mutual female friend. It’s insane on the littlest things that will make a disqualify you.

  66. her attraction had fizzled or it had hurt her pride.

    Jack, please don’t take my comment too personally – it’s just prompted me to respond as an ump-teenth example of how men on this blog often misinterpret women’s motivations to act a certain way. BD would probably say he doesn’t care about motivations, he only cares about the resulting actions, which makes practical sense – as long as one doesn’t simultaneously jump to conclusions on women’s nature on the basis of such observations.

    Generally, if you sleep with a woman and don’t see her afterwards for a week without a plausible excuse, you may or you may not have hurt her pride. Her attraction is most likely still there provided it was there when you hooked up and the sex itself didn’t kill it. The reason why she chooses to ignore you in such a situation is that by waiting for a week you “failed” to show sufficient interest in her to substantiate any further time investment in you on her part. She figures you’re “not that into her” and moves on.

    You will inevitably come across women who will find one week acceptable, though – whether because of their lack of choices or because they’re too busy themselves to find time for meeting up more often or because being left waiting is a new experience to them and it drives up their curiosity etc.

  67. Yes needs in your case might be social acceptance or money or lack of options or gifts or too much attention and since you said he frustrated your sexual needs most of the time then it means you stayed for other benefits.

    I understand your doubts – it must be hard imagining someone could be as dumb as I was.

    I received none of the benefits you mention from this particular guy and so far I haven’t suffered a lack of sexual or even relationship options since I turned 14. I could date guys who would give me social acceptance and gifts (and regular sex) – but the first time I tried and failed was after 4 years, when I felt that maybe, this new guy could replace him in my heart.

    I did receive: a) occasional sexual satisfaction (repeating: the sex was mind-blowing; unfortunately too infrequent for me) b) occasional attention (I’ve cringed writing this, remembering how much attention I paid to his whims and how little I received back) & intellectually stimulating conversations iii) love confessions alternating with doubts and rejections.

  68. I did receive: a) occasional sexual satisfaction (repeating: the sex was mind-blowing; unfortunately too infrequent for me) b) occasional attention (I’ve cringed writing this, remembering how much attention I paid to his whims and how little I received back) & intellectually stimulating conversations iii) love confessions alternating with doubts and rejections.

    Occasional = sporadic = rare. You do realize the difference here is vast. You’ve been with a guy for 8 years and you received sporadically mindblowing sex. Something like this to work must be the exact opposite. Rare dull sex, if any and frequent mindblowing sex. This is why monogamy doesn’t work. Sex becomes dull after a while it does get worse with time.

    Yes I honestly have doubts with what you are saying because there is no chance in hell a woman can stay with a man in such situation as you describe for 8 years. There must be some crucial benefit in there you are not saying or simply lack of options.

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