Overdoing Sex Talk or Kino on Dates
As I describe in detail in my primary dating manual, Get To Sex Fast, two core techniques that will increase your odds of fast sex with a woman are kino (light touching without the intent of sexually escalating) and sex talk (confidently talking about sex in a very outcome independent, non-needy, non-creepy way).
These two techniques are not required, but they will raise your odds of success with most women, particularly those under the age of 33. If you want more detail on exactly how to employ them on a first or second date, get that book I linked to above.
The problem is that some guys overdo this stuff in ways that actually scare women, or turn them off, or raise their ASD. They are important techniques that you should use, but at the same time, you don’t want to take them too far.
They key here is to pay close attention to how a woman is acting on a first or second date, and adjust your approach accordingly.
If you start talking about sex, and you see her immediately try to change the subject while her body language tightens, then for fuck’s sake, stop talking about sex and talk about something else. Don’t keep trying to talk about sex just because I said it’s a good idea. That will just spike her ASD and you’ll probably never see her again.
If you start really touching her a lot (putting your arm around her, or rubbing her arms and shoulders for a long time, etc) and you feel her eyes dart around the room and her shoulders rise, that means she doesn’t like it and you need to stop. Again, don’t keep trying to touch her just because my content (or some other guy’s content) says that kino is a good idea.
Sex talk and kino are good techniques and they will help you get to sex quickly, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be times when a woman will not like them. During those times, you just need to completely skip them and do everything else I talk about in Get To Sex Fast as best you can.
You may not know how to identify the signals women give when they don’t like these things. That’s understandable. Women have been trained their entire lives by Societal Programming to be nice and polite on first dates and to go out of their way to not say anything that might hurt your feelings. Instead, they’ll play nice on the date and then ghost your ass as soon as you text them later.
Therefore, if you sex talk or kino and she hates it, it’s very unlikely she’s going to verbally indicate to you in clear man-language that she doesn’t like it and that she’d like you to stop (unless she’s an extreme Dominant).
This means it’s your job to watch her entire body language and indirect verbal cues during the entire date and adjust accordingly. If you’ve already been on bazillions of first dates like I have, you already know how to do this without trying because of the amount of practice you’ve had. But if you’re at the beginner or intermediate level, here are a few things you need to watch out for. Any of the below items means that your kino, sex talk, or something else is turning her off or upsetting her and you need to STOP what you’re doing and do something else:
- Body tensing, usually indicated by her shoulders suddenly rising.
- Sudden change in eye size, like a sudden widening of the eyes or sudden narrowing/squinting of the eyes.
- Nervously looking around the room.
- Nervous laugh (which is different than a genuine laugh; it’s hard to describe the difference but just pay close attention to her when she laughs; genuine laughing is good, nervous laughing is very bad).
- Sharply changing the subject, especially if she does it more than once.
- Sudden change in overall demeanor. For example, she was leaning forward and smiling and then shifts to a more straightened posture with her arms or hands folded.
- Questions like, “Are you having fun?” or “Are you okay?” or “Are you enjoying yourself?” Any question like that coming from a woman on a date is very bad.
- A constant smile that never leaves her face. Usually an indication of nervousness.
- An unwillingness to discuss any topics other than the very boring, safe ones (like work, family, etc). This is common with women over age 33.
- Speaking in a clear monotone that never changes. (Warning: a few women just talk like that and it may be perfectly fine in those cases.)
- Pretty much any verbal or body language cue that is indicative of shock or surprise. This is not an emotion you want her to feel on a first or second date. You want her happy and relaxed, not pumped up, and not shocked.
If you see anything like that above, then stop whatever the hell you’re doing and do something else. If you’re kinoing her, stop. If you’re talking about sex or some other controversial topic, stop. Just continue on with the date the way I advise in Get To Sex Fast. I have had many first dates where I didn’t kino or sex talk at all and I still got laid (though most of my dates involve at least one of those two things), so it’s not 100% required.
Also be aware of general boundaries. Sometimes you can get a woman going (in a good way) with kino or sex talk, but then you keep going and you cross a line. Here are a few examples:
- Touching a woman’s hands or shoulders on a first date is great, but putting your arm around her as you both walk down the street is too much.
- Sex talk with a 25 year-old is great, but if you get really sexually explicit with your verbiage with a woman who is 42, in many cases, her already high ASD is just going to spike even higher, and you’re probably not going to see her again.
- If a woman is a provider hunter of any age, sometimes you’ll need to dramatically dial back both the sex talk and kino. She’s looking for a submissive and appropriate beta boyfriend or husband, not sex or fun, so sex talk/kino is probably going to just upset her.
The takeaway here is to always be aware of the movements and words of the woman sitting across from you on a first and second date; don’t robotically follow a system without paying attention to her.
And to be clear, I’m only talking about the dating phase here, which is before you’ve had sex with her twice. After you’ve had sex with her twice, you’re in relationship management at that point, and none of the above applies. (You can kino and sex talk all you want and she won’t care.)