Being Compliant on Dates vs. in a Relationship
Here’s a common question I receive. Today’s topic is not about the specific question, but the larger issue surrounding it.
Hey BD, I scheduled a first date with a new girl and she seems interested. We texted the day before the date and she said her car is in the shop and she can’t drive, so she needs me to pick her up for the date and then drop her back off. I wanted to check with you about this because while she seems to have a valid logistical problem, picking her up and dropping her off seems too compliant and too beta. Should I do this? Or should I just next her?
Regardless of the answer to this question, and whatever answer you think is the right answer, this is a very good, very valid question. It’s one of those questions where the guy asking is covering all the possible variables in a comprehensive way. Good stuff. If you’re asking questions like this, you’re on the right path.
There is a correct answer to the above question. Do you know what it is? Take a guess.
The answer is to go pick her up. I’ll explain why.
When To Be Compliant
As I talk about in great detail in my primary dating manual, Get To Sex Fast, women are extremely picky and have their highest levels of ASD and buyer’s remorse before you have sex with them two times. Once you have sex with her two times on two separate occasions, her ASD and pickiness for you drops about 80-90%, and she will now tolerate all kinds of behaviors from you she would never tolerate before you had sex with her twice. It’s a hard-coded biological aspect of women, at least that’s my theory. (Yes, there are always unusual exceptions to every rule, so there can be odd times a woman has sex with you two or three times and then ghosts you, but these situations are rare, and usually indicative of you doing something very wrong.)
Pink Firefly recently listened to a radio show where they were interviewing a woman who ghosted a guy after the first date. During this date, they went back to his place, had sex (which is good), and then spent the night together (which is very bad; never spend the night with a woman the first time you have sex with her; this sends the entirely wrong EFA).
The reason she ghosted him the next morning after she left, and stopped returning his texts? He had bad gas “all night” while he slept.
If you ask most women’s opinion on this, they would probably agree with her. “Ew, yeah, that’s gross. I don’t want to date a guy who farts all the time!”
However, imagine if this guy had not spent the night with her, had sex with her four or five more times, and then they spent the night together where he farted in his sleep a lot. Would she care?
Nope. Sure, she might tease him about it the next morning, or even complain about it, but she wouldn’t stop seeing him. Oh no. She’s locked in now. She isn’t going anywhere regardless of his noisy, nocturnal butthole, at least for a while.
I even told this to Pink Firefly as she relayed the story. “Yeah,” I said, “That would gross you out the first time you had sex with him, but if you had fucked him four more times and then he farted, you wouldn’t care at all.” She didn’t disagree because she knows how women work as well as I do.
This means that if you are compliant on something like picking her up for the first date when she has no car, yes, it’s a slightly beta move and not very attractive. The problem is if you go all Alpha and refuse to pick her up, it may piss her off or turn her off to the point where she just blows you off and goes to the next guy on her list (and all women have a list whether they know it or not) when she would have had sex with you anyway.
So the correct move is to cheerfully agree to pick her up and drop her off for the first date, if she really needs it, while keeping all the usual 85/15 player/provider frames. Then get to sex with her twice as fast as you possibly can. Then, at that point, once Lock-In has been achieved and you have moved from seduction mode into relationship management mode, you can tell her that transportation to and from your place is her problem, and that she needs to figure that out.
If you’ve followed all of my other advice about the proper structure of first and second dates, making her cum during sex, keeping a proper EFA, and so on, she might complain a little about this, but she will figure it out and keep seeing you. Whereas if you had said this to her prior to Lock-In, she would have called you an asshole and moved on.
I have done this many times with many women over the years. There are times I’ve been very nice, even borderline beta, with certain aspects of the logistics pre-Lock-In, on those first one to three dates, just so I can get her locked in (sex twice) so I can relax and let the flow of the long-term, Alpha 2.0, nonmonogamous relationship begin.
This does not mean you do everything a woman wants pre-Lock-In and kiss her ass. Oh, no no no. That’s beta shit. As always, you need to set a few hard standards for your behaviors and logistics that you won’t cross no matter how hot she is or what she demands. I have many of them, but I’ll give you two simple examples.
The most obvious one is how much money I’ll spend on a woman pre-Lock-In. If some girl demands, not asks for, but demands a full-on dinner date for the first date, before we’ve ever had sex, then with all due respect, she can go to hell. I don’t care how hot she is or how smart she is or any other aspect. I’m going to politely tell her I’m not the man she’s looking for and then move on. As I’ve said perhaps thousands of times over the years, spending money on women pre-sex is insane, something only desperate beta males do (or Alpha Male 1.0’s with oneitis). After we’ve had sex and I know the odds are good she’s going to actually stick around for a while, the spending money on her is fine if she’s at the MLTR level. But before that? Fuck no.
Another standard I have, one I’ve talked about a few times before, is that I’m happy to date any woman who lives within 50 minutes driving distance of my house. Beyond 50 minutes, no. I know there are lots of guys who date women who live an hour, two hours, even three hours away, and I think these men are insane. Don’t you have anything better to do with your time? Are you telling me there aren’t any other women as cute as her who live closer? Scarcity mindset. But I digress.
Within the 50 minute radius, pre-Lock-In, I’m very nice. If a woman needs me to go pick her up and drop her off, no problem sweetheart. Just give me your address and I’ll be there. But if she lives longer than 50 minutes away, sorry darling, you’re too far, and since I don’t do one night stands, I have no interest in carrying on a long-term nonmonogamous relationship with a woman who lives that far away.
Once a woman who lives within 50 minutes of my house has sex with me twice, now she’s locked in. When she wants to come over for the third time for sex, I’m going to tell her that she needs to figure out transportation on her own, at least to some degree, even if it’s just one way.
Maybe she needs to get a ride from one of her friend zone beta male orbiters to my house, and then I’ll drop her off afterwards. Pre-Lock-In, this demand would cause her to ghost me and never see me again, but now that she’s had sex with me twice, she’s more than happy to comply. Again, she might bitch and moan about it for a minute, but she’ll still do it. I’ve done this with women bazillions of times over the last 11 years and never had a problem.
This doesn’t apply to just transportation logistics. It can apply to all kinds of minor requests women make during the first and second date process. As long as you adhere to your standards and have a strong, Alpha 2.0 EFA, be nice about the logistics during this phase, then Alpha-up after Lock-In for proper relationship management.
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