Living Together OLTR Update – March 2018
Because so many of you have asked, I will start posting regular updates regarding my living together relationship/marriage with Pink Firefly. I will post one of these every few months or so, but I will post them more often if a lot of you ask for it.
If you have no idea who Pink Firefly is, she’s my girlfriend/fiancé/wife. (I’m still wrestling with exactly what to call her, but I usually call her my wife, for the reasons I stated at the bottom of this article here.) You can read these posts to catch up:
PF and I have been living together in an OLTR Marriage for 2.5 months now. She moved in at the very end of December last year.
Things are very good, as you might expect, since it’s only been 2.5 months. We are experiencing moving in together NRE so the happy emotions are heightened. She’s a corporate gal with a long commute to work, so five days a week she’s gone by the time I wake up, and doesn’t get home until about 6pm, often later than that if she has errands to run after work (which she does at least several days a week).
This separation is actually very good for relationship harmony, at least it has been so far. During the day on weekdays, it almost feels like I live alone. Then, when she comes home in the evening, it feels really good to have her home, and we spend the evening together.
We spend the weekends together also. We usually spend Saturdays running errands with each other (we’re both extremely busy people) and Sundays we relax, going to breakfast or getting Mexican food, and then going out or seeing a movie.
Her job in the insurance industry really stresses her out, and sometimes she needs to talk out her problems when she’s stressed after work. She’s an extrovert and a female and needs to do this sometimes, which is fine with me.
We have sex frequently but not every day. PF has a slightly higher than average sex drive, in that she’s usually not horny, but several times a week she’s really horny, usually for seemingly no reason. I, of course, am always ravenously horny as fuck 24/7. That’s why god invented FB’s. I usually see one of my FB’s once a week, sometimes twice a week but that’s not typical (and PF is mildly annoyed when I see two different women in one week in addition to her, but that’s her problem, and as I said, it doesn’t happen very often.)
Since introducing Pink Firefly to my primary FB (Lunarayn, who I already mentioned here), the three of us have had some very fun experiences (PF likes to watch). I can’t give you more detail about these since I don’t know how much PF wants to reveal. She can provide more info in the comments if she chooses.
Pink Firefly’s jealousy levels have been very low and easily manageable. The only time she gets annoyed is if something out of the normal routine occurs. Every woman in a nonmonogamous relationship has a different pattern, and I’ve learned that Pink Firefly’s is that she’s perfectly fine with the FB situation as long as it follows a predictable pattern. If anything unusual or new occurs, she can get agitated. This is interesting, since the last serious relationship I had was with a woman who was literally the opposite; she loved it when new and unusual things happened, but if she felt I was seeing the same FB’s over and over again, she got upset.
Just remember that if you have an OLTR or want one someday: every woman is very different about the specific things she will like or won’t like in your nonmonogamous relationship. It’s your job to figure out what these things are and mange them.
February was great and March has been great, but January, our first month together, was difficult for both of us. Most of her furniture and boxes were all over the house, she was getting used to a new schedule, I was getting used to having a woman in the house all the time, and her irritating dog was pooping and peeing in the house, and was sometimes barking in the early morning, which obviously really irritated me. Fortunately, all that stuff was rectified by the end of January, and since then it’s been smooth sailing.
Pink Firefly is spending a huge amount of time working on our silly societal ceremony, uh, I mean our wedding, which also causes a lot of stress for her. But as I’ve told her, that’s her problem. She’s a very feminine, emotional person so she tends to stress herself out. She’s getting better though.
She and I have done the first of a few online couple’s assessments (including SYMBIS) which I think are very important. This particular assessment we did with the help of the pastor who is going to perform our ceremony later this year. (For the record, she is a mild Christian, I am agnostic.)
We learned a lot from these assessments and we’ve discussed them several times. My next to-do item for our relationship is to find a relationship counselor for us; not because anything is wrong, but to prevent problems from occurring, and to make sure everything stays as smooth as things are now. I personally view couple’s assessments and at least semi-regular relationship counseling as mandatory if you actually live with a woman and have long-term expectations for the relationship. Regardless of how badass or Alpha you think you are, there are just too many variables in a live-in relationship to control all on your own.
Our biggest issue, if we have one, is that sometimes we have communication issues, since we have such radically opposite personality styles. She’s extremely feminine with high emotions, I’m extremely masculine with low emotions. When she’s agitated, she wants to talk about it for three hours, but I just want to get to a swift conclusion in five minutes and get back to my Mission. In the last 30 days especially, we’ve both gotten much better at relating to the other person. She’s much better at getting to the point and dropping things when the conversation is no longer productive, and I’m much better at just letting her go in back-and-forth discourse even when she’s stressed.
So far, I’d rate our live-in relationship, on a scale from 1 to 10, at about 8.5, perhaps a 9. I’m very happy and very pleased. But as I’ve said many times, that’s easy to say when the live-in aspect is new. Our big test comes at the two-year mark, then again at the three-year mark. If we’re still as happy as we are now at that time, or at least close to it, that will be something. I’m committed to putting in the work necessary to make that happen, and she is too. And of course, I’ll keep all of you posted along the way.
By the way, for anyone who is about to post a negative comment, who else on the internet talks about his open marriage and does so without hiding his identity? Seriously, name one other public person. I don’t think you can. You’re welcome.
Alpha Male 2.0, baby. This stuff works.
More to come.