How to Assess Whether or Not to Move in with a Woman
In two days, this Saturday, I take the next step in a plan I’ve been working on for about seven years. Pink Firefly moves in with me under an OLTR marriage. This is a big event in my life, to say the least. It will be the first time I’ve lived with a woman full-time in over ten years. (I did live with my prior serious relationship part-time, as in 3-4 days a week, but this is the first time in ten years a woman is actually living with me full-time).
I have many more articles coming regarding how her and I will manage this under an Alpha Male 2.0 framework, but today we’re going to talk about you instead. How do should you assess whether or not to move in with a woman? By the end of this article, you’ll know.
First off, before we get into this, I have to address the two types of opposite extremists on this issue who I know will be upset at reading this article.
If you are one of those jaded guys who say you should NEVER MOVE IN WITH A WOMAN EVER FOR ANY REASON EVER, then you need to stop right here and read this article. Seriously. Stop right now and go read it. If your question is “Why would you ever move in with a woman at all?” then again, stop right now and read this. I’m not going to waste my time in the comments repeating what I already said in that article that answers that question, so please, for the love of god, go read it before commenting and stating your opinion that no man should ever move in with a woman ever. (By the way, this is an opinion that I don’t necessarily disagree with, but one that requires a little more nuance than screaming the word “NEVER,” which is a very feminine word).
On the other extreme, I have to address the societally brainwashed right-wing guys who think monogamy is fine and traditional marriage works out just great as long as you marry a Christian virgin or something. No. You idiot. No.
If you move in with a woman while promising her monogamy, YOU ARE STUPID.
If you move in with a woman while expecting her to be 100% monogamous to you at all times forever, YOU ARE STUPID.
If you move in with a woman while putting both of you on the lease, YOU ARE STUIPD.
If you move in with a woman while co-buying a house with her, YOU ARE STUPID.
If you move in with a woman while combining your finances with her in any way, YOU ARE STUPID.
As always, I am not talking about moving in with a woman the normal way all of your Societally Programmed friends do. I’m talking here about an OLTR marriage, where you are allowed to have sex with other women even after the move-in and your finances are 100% separate and protected from hers in legally enforceable ways. If you move in with a woman in any other way, today in the Western world, then YOU ARE STUPID.
If you are tempted to do this, please go through the archive of this blog and start reading some articles so that you don’t fuck up your life like most other men do. I suggest starting with these articles:
Alright, now that we’ve dealt with the two opposite extreme types of men who will hate this topic, let’s move on to the rest of you who can actually think objectively and actually want to be long-term happy.
Should you move in with a woman? Should you now, or later, or ever? Here are the six factors you need to assess:
1. Your Age
You would never move in with a FB or MLTR. So when talking about co-habitation, we’re only talking about an OLTR relationship. As I already said in great detail here, OLTR’s are only for older men. They are not for younger men. Age 30 is the bare minimum to even start considering an OLTR, and I consider age 35 the real minimum.
Therefore, yes I’ll say it, if you move in with a woman under a romantic context and you are under 30, YOU ARE STUPID. Don’t do it.
You should be age 35 or older before you consider moving in with a woman. The older you are, the better. Waiting until your forties, fifties, or even sixties is great. I’m 45 years old, so I qualify. A huge percentage of the men reading these words are under 35, and thus do not.
There is no rush to move in with a woman. For those of you who want kids, there is no rush to do this either. Calm the fuck down and wait until you’re older. It’s not that hard. Focus instead of having fun and building your income.
2. Your Level of Woman Experience
Managing an OLTR is hard work. Living with an OLTR is even harder work. It requires confidence, strength, a chill, outcome independent demeanor, constant frame control, and a healthy amount of relationship management skills. This is true even if the woman you’re moving in with is a nice, calm, easygoing sweetheart.
If you’ve only had one or two decently serious relationships in your entire life, or only had sex with seven or eight girls, you don’t have anywhere near the level of experience necessary to pull this off.
You must have vast experience with women before moving in with one. When I say “vast experience” I’m talking about both sexual/pick-up experience and relationship experience. Both. Not one or the other. If you’ve had sex with 80 women but never had a consistent, happy relationship that lasted longer than a year or two, then you’re not ready. If you’ve had several multi-year-long relationships but you’ve only had sex with ten women in your entire life, you’re also not ready.
I hate putting numbers on these kinds of things, but as a rough estimate, if you haven’t had sex with at least 30-40 women and you’ve haven’t had at least two or three happy relationships that lasted well past the three-year mark, then in my strong opinion, you should not move in with a woman. You’re just not yet ready for the skill set it requires, nor have you gotten through the crazy phase men need to get through before they settle down with someone.
(Please do not get hung up on the exact numbers I just gave; they’re debatable. I’m just giving you an idea of the level of woman experience required before you actually move in with one.)
3. Your Pair Bonding Desires
Some guys like to pair bond, other guys don’t. Neither is right or wrong; it’s just a personality trait. I’ve always been in the pair-bonding category. Even at the height of my craziness with women over the last ten years, where I was having sex all over the place and had huge amounts of women on rotation, I always was happier when I at least felt pair-bonded to one “favorite” woman whom I had a connection with, even if it was just a favorite MLTR.
If you’re like this, then it’s likely that when you get older, you’ll probably be happier if you live with a woman. If you’re not like this, I wouldn’t worry about it, and just live alone forever while dating as needed.
Personally, I would be perfectly happy if I never had an OLTR, but I also know I would be happier if I had one. So, I have one. But you may not need one, and that’s perfectly fine.
4. Her Age
I’ve talked about this several times before. There’s a new disturbing trend of much older men getting very serious with, and moving in with hot 20 year-old girls as either girlfriends, wives, or sugar babies. FUCKING IDIOTS. You’re just asking for future problems if you do this. These men either love drama or are extremely short-sighted.
Just like you need to be over age 35, she also can’t be too young. The divorce rate for women under the age 25 is something like 92% the last time I checked. If you move in with a woman that young, you’re just begging for nuclear explosions to go off in your life a few years down the road. If you don’t mind unhappiness, then I guess go right ahead and do whatever you want (I don’t know why you’re reading my content though).
Otherwise, the woman you move in with should be well over age 25. In my strong opinion, she should be over 30. Now for those of you guys who are about to scream about “the wall,” remember that A) a lot women over 30 these days look super hot, as I’ve shown before, and B) don’t forget that we’re talking about OLTR here, so you are still more than welcome to have sex with younger women if you like. Your OLTR wife is not your only source of sex; that’s monogamy and that doesn’t work.
For the record, Pink Firefly just turned 38. I specifically wanted a woman age 35 or over for my OLTR. I am far more comfortable with you moving in with a 38 year-old woman than you doing so with a 21 year-old.
5. How Picky, Anal, or Easily Frustrated You Are
Again, we’re talking about personality traits. Some people are very picky, anal, high maintenance, easily frustrated, detail oriented, and/or outcome dependent. If that sounds like you, moving in with a woman is a really bad idea. When she wants to decorate the kitchen differently than you, you’re going to have a fight, and a fight is drama, and drama is unacceptable. Touchy, anal people should live alone.
I’m a little anal about certain things, but as an Alpha Male 2.0, I’m extremely outcome independent and I don’t give a shit. As long as she doesn’t touch my home office or my weight room, Pink Firefly is welcome to decorate, organize, and/or arrange the entire house and the entire yard literally any way she wants; I just don’t care. It was the same way when I was stupidly, traditionally, monogamously married so many years ago; as long as the wife didn’t mess with my home office, I don’t care what she did with the living room or the yard or whatever. I just don’t give a shit. I’m also a very happy guy who is almost never angry. All of this makes me a much better candidate to live with a woman than many other men.
6. Your Ability to Consistently Ward Off De Facto Monogamy
OLTR’s are great since the usual threats most pair-bonded men face (lack of sex, financial threats, etc) don’t exist. However, the biggest threat to a man in an OLTR, by far, is de facto monogamy. If you think you’re the kind of guy who will “get lazy” or “get complacent” or “get too busy with work” to keep having sex with other women on the side at least occasionally, then you should probably not move in with a woman, at least not until you get to the point where you’re confident this won’t be a problem.
Getting de facto monogamous with an OLTR is just too easy, and I’ve seen many men make this mistake. Many men. When she moves in, this tendency gets even stronger (particularly when the move-in is still new, her boredom hasn’t kicked in yet, and she’s still having sex with you all the time).
Reducing your activity with side-women over time is perfectly fine, particularly as you get older and your priorities in life change. I’ve already done this and will continue to do so, by conscious choice. But going de facto monogamous, just because you’re a lazy dumbass who isn’t paying attention, and getting to the point where your OLTR wife is the only woman you’re having sex with… NO! Otherwise, you’re a beta, and will suffer all the usual consequences of being a beta. Have fun with that.
Long-term happiness requires consistency and constancy. Your Mission, your long-term goals, your sex life… these things should never radically change, and should always continue with or without a girlfriend or wife. If you don’t have that kind of consistency in you yet, you’re not ready in with a woman (unless you don’t mind drama or unhappiness).
Over the next few weeks, I’ll keep all of you updated on my progress with this new co-habitation, but remember that all this stuff is about you and your ability to stay long-term happy. Don’t be stupid, and don’t make the wrong decisions.