Relying Too Much on Your Sexual Market Value
For thousands of years, women have used all kinds of dating and relationship techniques in order to date, marry, snag, have babies with, and/or control men. From wearing makeup that makes her look like someone else, to wearing a push-up bra to make her boobs look bigger than they actually are, to wearing heels to make her look taller than she actually is, to imply possible sex when she knows damn well she’s not actually going to do it, to even restricting sex in order to enforce compliance, either directly (“You’re not getting any until you empty that dishwasher!”) or indirectly (“I think its so sexy when you do housework! It turns me on!”).
These techniques, among hundreds of others, have successfully put men under the sway of women in marriages and relationships for hundreds, if not thousands of years. I’m not saying women have been in control of society for that long; of course men have. I’m saying that women have been successfully getting what they want from men in terms of dating, relationships, marriage, children, protection, and financial support for that long, using these techniques.
Men, on the other hand, really have not had a set of techniques for getting what they want from women (with one big exception I’ll get to in a minute).
This changed, at least a little, in the early 2000’s when pick-up artist advice went mainstream. When this happened, many women went into hysterics of course, since under the feminine model, it’s perfectly fine for women to have techniques to snag men, but it’s abusive and manipulative for men to have techniques to snag women. I regularly get women on this blog saying exactly that whenever I cover specific dating or relationship techniques for men. It’s unfair and stupid, but that’s how a lot of women view this.
But I digress.
Before dating / pick-up skills for men became somewhat mainstream about 10-15 years ago, there was only one technique that men used to get women. It’s the only one they knew. It was this: Boost your SMV (sexual market value) as high as you can. In other words, get rich, get powerful, get famous, and/or get really good looking, then wave all of that in women’s faces. Then, you can have sex with (or date, or marry) all the hot girls you want.
For thousands of years, that’s all men, particularly betas, knew about how to get girls. The only exception to this was/is men are known as “naturals” who are naturally good with women just from their inborn personalities, but these men are very rare. (I was never one of these men; it would have been nice if I was. Like other men, I had to spend several years of my life learning how to attract women.)
Back in the days before pick-up/dating/relationship advice for men, focusing on your SMV made sense. There was no other way to get laid (unless you were a natural), so that was the only avenue available to you.
Is that true today?
Today, unlike I had when I was a clueless beta male in the 1990’s, you have an entire internet full of pick-up, dating, and at least some relationship advice specifically tailored for men. You’ve got literally hundreds of blogs and forums, as well as thousands of YouTube videos about this. If you don’t mind spending a little money, you also have access to books and courses on how to do this.
Does all this advice work? Of course not. Are there some bullshit artists and scammers in the PUA community / manosphere? Of course. I can tell you as a business consultant with 25 years of experience, pretty much every industry has that problem.
Does that mean that none of this dating / pick-up advice works? No. A lot of it not only works, but works so great that it will blow you away, and I will now present the proof of this: Me.
In February of 2007, I started off as a badly dressed, 35 year-old, overweight, balding, divorced, 10-years-out-of-pratice-with-women, hadn’t-had-sex-in-six-months, very in debt, beta male dad who lived in a pretty much empty apartment with no bed, just a mattress on the floor in the corner.
I learned and focused on pick-up and dating techniques, and they worked. By the summer of 2009, I was having sex with numerous hot girls, many of them almost 20 years younger than me, with very fast meet-to-sex times, without having to pay for any of it. And that was eight years ago; my results have greatly improved since then. If you want to know exactly how I do it, get this book and this book.
Pick-up and dating techniques work. Anyone who says they don’t is wrong. I am living proof of this.
Therefore, it’s not all about SMV. It’s also about following a system that is proven to work, and not doing things that clearly blow your chances with women.
There are now going to be a bunch of you who will lose their shit and scream that I’m saying SMV doesn’t matter at all. I didn’t say that. Of course SMV is a factor. I wrote an entire analysis of SMV right here, and I clearly said that SMV aspects of wealth, appearance, etc, do matter when it comes with men’s success with women. I also said, and I’m saying again, that SMV is a factor, but not the only factor and it is not the deciding factor.
If you seriously think that SMV is the only factor in determining whether or not a man gets laid with at least cute girls, then you need to explain the chubby homeless guy who was banging all these girls that I talked about here. You need to explain the pick-up artists who I have personally met (not just read about on the internet, but personally met) who were so poor they slept on their friend’s couches, who were banging hot girls left and right. You need to explain the YouTube videos of these attractive, ripped guys who can’t get laid. You need to explain the myriad of very rich men on the sugar daddy sites who also can’t get laid. You need to explain the fat guys (not overweight, but fat) who were not rich, who I have personally coached, who ended up having sex with multiple girls who were cute enough that I would have sex with them. You need to explain the men in their fifties I personally know who are not millionaires, who are dating women as young as 25 with no problems.
Seriously, you need to logically and rationally explain these things. If you can’t, you have to admit that SMV is a factor, but not the only factor or the deciding factor.
Now that we’ve laid all that groundwork, I’ll get to my main point. Too many of you are over-relying on SMV aspects in order to get girls. You’ll tell me about problems you’re having meeting girls or first dates or online dating or whatever, and the first thing out of your mouth is that you need to make more money or get a better car.
No no no.
I realize why you’re jumping to this conclusion. As Western culture continues to collapse, the manosphere messaging about how “All the rich good-looking Alphas are taking all the girls” is intensifying. The problem is I’ve already factually shown that’s bullshit, both here and here.
I also realize that male society has been focusing on SMV as the only mechanism to get girls for literally thousands of years, and that’s some pretty hard Societal Programming to shake.
But you must shake it. Because it’s bullshit.
I’ve talked before about when I was dating the most amount of women; I was living in a shitty apartment, driving an eight-year-old car, and was about 50 pounds overweight. Granted, most of those women knew I was a businessman and I dressed pretty nice, but I never gave these women any money, nor took them out on fancy dinner dates, or ever implied that they would get these things from me. And the majority of them not only had sex with me, but did so for many years, while they knew I was having sex with other women at the same time.
But you didn’t see me having trouble on dates (and I had a lot of trouble when I got started) then immediately thinking that I had to dress nicer, or make more money, or get a cooler car, or move to a cooler part of town, or get a better watch, or whatever SMV bullshit society has said is the only way to have sex with hot women.
No, instead I focused on improving my technique. And I did. And I got good, eventually.
It’s also true that you need to maximize certain aspects of your SMV if you want to get good with women, since yes, SMV is a factor. I have repeatedly talked about how you have to maximize your appearance as best you can within the confines of your age and genetics (and how the older you are, the more important this is). I devote entire chapters in my books to this important aspect, and have written many articles about it here at this blog.
But, you don’t try to look better or get a better car without focusing on improving your dating and relationships skills. It’s those skills that will get you laid, not your fucking car or your six pack abs (though I agree these things can help in certain scenarios).
It’s also true, as I’ve been loudly proclaiming for years, that you do need to increase your income, particularly if you make less than $75,000. That’s basic Alpha Male 2.0 stuff. But as I’ve said perhaps hundreds of times, you don’t increase your income for women, you increase your income to be a happier man and live a better life regardless of women. I explained this in great detail here and here.
Any time you have trouble with women, and the first thought that pops into your mind is that you need to make more money, get bigger muscles, or get a better car, immediately slap yourself in the face. Those things will help, but what you really need to do is improve your skills.
You will get a much faster and great return on investment in terms of woman success by improving your dating skills than you will by making more money or losing weight (though you should do those two things anyway).