Many years ago, I was talking to a very cute woman on an online dating site. When I pitched a first meet at a coffee shop, she countered by saying that I should just come over to her apartment, and perhaps bring some wine.

My eyes bugged out of my skull, since out of thousands of online interactions I’ve had, this had never happened. A woman proactively suggesting, without any prodding or suggestion from me, that we just get right to the sex without meeting up for a first date first? Hallelujah! This was great! Why can’t all women be like this?

Of course I said yes, grabbed a bottle of some of my usual $9 wine from my liquor cupboard (I don’t drink, but everyone else does, thus I have alcohol in my house), and headed on over to her place.

When I arrived, she was pleasant, and just as cute as her pictures indicated. Good. However, as she showed me around her apartment, I started to realize something was a little off. Her place looked like it was owned by a man, not a woman. She had posters of Batman and The Hulk on her wall; something I’d expect from a nerd (and a male nerd at that) like me, not a cute blonde woman. She also talked about how much she loved Star Wars, raunchy stand-up comedy, and other traditionally masculine stuff. Then she told me what she did for a living; she was a security guard at a woman’s prison.

Damn. This was the most masculine-but-heterosexual woman I had ever met. It was definitely her apartment though; she lived there, alone.

Whatever. I didn’t mind. She was hot, so who cares what she’s into? A woman like this would make a great FB… or so I thought.

Soon, our clothes started coming off, and oh boy, was I in for a surprise. No, she wasn’t a transsexual or lesbian or anything like that. She was definitely all woman and very into men. However, she was one of the most sexually dominant women I’ve ever encountered. She practically tore off my pants, told me to shut up, and started giving me super intense oral sex. Uh… okay… a little different… but she was quite skilled so I was happy.

Then we were on her bed. I’m very sexually dominant, so I grabbed her and pulled her towards me. She actually shoved my arms away and told me no. Hm. That had never happened before. She then informed me that she had to be on the top. Shit. I hate being on the bottom. But hey, it was the first time we had sex so I let it go.

During the entire time she was on top, she kept barking orders at me, told me to shut up, told me to not make any noise, and on and on. That’s a problem. I’m very loud. When I have sex, I sound like a roaring, retarded T-Rex. I don’t know what “quiet” means in a sexual context. Eventually, she could tell I wasn’t really enjoying myself.

On my way home, I was astounded that I had encountered someone who was so sexually incompatible with me. She must have been accustomed to extremely quiet, submissive beta males during sex. Nothing wrong with that. Everyone’s into what they’re into. But despite her attractiveness and kindness, her and I could never carry on a sexual relationship, even a very casual one.

We never saw each other again, which was for the best, for both of us.

The issue of sexual compatibility is one that is almost never discussed, which is a problem because it’s hugely important to the success of a long-term, or even medium-term relationship. If you start dating a woman who is very attractive, very smart, very fun, and you really like, but who hates having sex the way you do (or is physically unable to do so), then none of her other positive attributes matter. This is not a woman you should be in an ongoing relationship with.

I have seen people start dating someone who has a lot of great qualities, but massive sexual incompatibilities, and it never works. Never. Women in particular make this mistake of getting oneitis for a guy and trying to carry on a romantic or sexual relationship with a man who is clearly incompatible with them, but I’ve seen a lot of men make this mistake as well. People sometimes try to convince themselves that the positives of the person (“He’s such a good guy!” for women and “She’s so hot!” for men) outweigh the fact that enjoyable sex is near-impossible between them on an ongoing basis.

As I’ve said many times, sex in a relationship is ridiculously important, and if quality sex isn’t possible with someone, it doesn’t matter how much you like that person or how amazing he or she is.

I admit that sometimes, this is hard to confront. Twice in the last ten years, I had the difficult scenario where I tried to carry on MLTR relationships with two women who were really amazing, but were physically unable to have the kind of sex I enjoy. Both of these women were extremely smart, attractive, and my kind of women. They were very high quality people and our attraction and connection was strong and mutual.

However, they had the kind of bodies where they simply could not take the intense, dominant, pounding and crushing I do when I have sex. One would actually bleed sometimes. The other would get extremely sore for several days afterwards to the point of causing intense pain. I went out of my way to be more gentle with these women. Sometimes I succeeded, and sometimes I failed. I cared about both of them and wanted it to work, but in the end, I realized that a long-term sexual relationship was just not possible for us, so I had to, very reluctantly, say goodbye.

It was not their fault. It was not my fault. We just weren’t sexually compatible. It doesn’t happen often, but it happens.

One could make the argument that sexual incompatibility isn’t relevant in a nonmonogamous relationship, since if you can’t have sex with her, you can always have sex with other women on the side. My response is that might make sense in a long-term relationship where sexual compatibility existed but doesn’t anymore, but you can’t establish a new relationship under these conditions.

In other words, if you have a long-term OLTR wife to whom you’ve been living with for many years, and the sex with her is great, and down the road, she has some kind of health problem that makes it difficult or impossible to have sex, then yes, I agree you could make that work if you were having enough sex with one or two reliable side-FB’s. But if you meet a brand new woman and try to establish a sexual relationship with her, it’s not going to work if the two of you aren’t sexually compatible from the start.

The slight good news is that this sexual compatibility issue works both ways. Most women you have sex with will be sexually compatible with you enough to where you both enjoy having sex with each other. However, a small percentage of women will be 100% in-sync with you sexually in every way you can imagine, down to the little details. Again, this is rare, but when it happens, it’s quite exciting and a huge amount of fun.

There have been several women in my life who literally loved, not liked, but loved the way I have sex, and I loved the way they had sex. These were some of the most enjoyable relationships I’ve ever had. It was a huge bonus. I could just do what I like, not worry about doing anything different or special, and these women were so excited they couldn’t believe it. I was also excited because they did and reacted exactly the way I want women to do during sex, without me having to tell them or coach them in any way. These relationships ranged from very serious to very casual FB’s, but sexually, they were all fantastic beyond words.

The bottom line is that you should not try to maintain a relationship with a woman to whom you are not sexually compatible with. Often, you (and her) will have to make minor adjustments to how you have sex with each other, which is perfectly fine, particularly if the relationship is more serious or you have long-term intentions for it. But if a woman is just so far out of the zone that you (or her!) aren’t enjoying the sex, or it’s causing real problems, you need to have the courage and the outcome independence to very nicely and gently let her go. Let her find another man who is more sexually compatible with her, and you do the same with women.

77 Comments on “Sexual Compatibility

  1. At first I thought the prison guard was going to turn out to be a tranny!  lmao!   Incidentally I had a relationship with a prison guard, and she was the exact opposite of this.  Because she had to be so hard and demanding in her day job; she wanted to be super submissive to me after work.  As a bonus she was bi, down for threesomes with other women, and didn’t get jealous at all!

  2. they simply could not take the intense, dominant, pounding and crushing I do when I have sex

    BD, do you have any advice on how to last longer even when pounding hard? I never last long when I go all-out like this, unless it’s like the third day in a row that I have sex (in which case yeah, I could go 30 minutes, but I rarely have sex that frequently and don’t need to). Jerking off before sex is very hit and miss and can just make you go limp instead of helping with stamina.

    Also not trying to be a grandma, but there’s a grammar problem here:

    with a woman to whom you are not sexually compatible with

     

  3. It can get confusing sometimes. There was one girl recently who I completely loved spending time with. She was smart, easy-going, pretty, energetic. I had a very deep emotional bond with her. The only problem is that she had the sort of masculine Eastern European body and face. I could not get myself to feel much of a sexual spark.

    There have also been girls who I want to sexually ravage but I have to think twice because either they are a little too dumb for my liking or they don’t have the facial features that I want to look at every day, and that would motivate me to feel an emotional connection.

  4. Great article.

    Completely agree how wonderful it is to find a perfectly compatible woman sexually.  This is one of the best things I’ve experienced in life.

    Wish I had a good way to filter and find them other than putting in the numbers…

  5. Completely agree how wonderful it is to find a perfectly compatible woman sexually.  This is one of the best things I’ve experienced in life.
    Wish I had a good way to filter and find them other than putting in the numbers…

    This is so true for women as well. Those amazingly great sexual connections are few and far between, and I take advantage of them when they come along to the fullest!

  6. My second wife was anorgasmic. It bothered me the whole time. One night a threesome fell into our lap, and the girl we did it with was far more sexually compatible with me, and came very easily. It was the beginning of the end with my wife. She was game, she was obedient, she would do anything…..but my attraction for her was never that strong. Stupid Beta bullshit from the bad old days, saving the damsel in distress.

    My last girlfriend I crushed on for months, as she’s a smokeshow much younger than I am. I couldn’t believe how much fun it was having sex with her. I had such a terrible hangover from my upbringing and programming that it never really occurred to me how fun it is to have sex with women who turn me on…yes, I know how insane that sounds, but it’s my experience.

    Since her, I have had sex with one other woman that I didn’t find all that attractive, and it was a disaster. I need to stick with my lesson learned…..that said, I don’t expect such women to fall out of the sky, I’ve built up a Frame for the first time in my life and have been working hard to boost my SMV. I’m close to getting Tinder dates…..with women 15 to 20 years younger than me. Honest pics, hidden age.

    I can’t agree with this post enough. Attraction cannot be negotiated.

  7. kind of bodies where they simply could not take the intense, dominant, pounding and crushing

    BD, you don’t do petite women, Russians, or hippies. What will you do in Thailand?

    advice on how to last longer even when pounding hard?

    Get older? Worked for me.

     

     

  8. BD, do you have any advice on how to last longer even when pounding hard?

    Pause and/or slow down every few minutes. Beyond that, no.

    Also not trying to be a grandma, but there’s a grammar problem here:

    The grammar stays, grandma nitpicker, just to piss you off.

    Wish I had a good way to filter and find them other than putting in the numbers…

    Nothing wrong with putting in the numbers as long as you’re actually having sex with most of them.

    BD, you don’t do petite women,

    Uh, petite women are pretty much all I do. It’s my favorite kind of woman.

    or hippies

    Huh? Where have I ever said I don’t fuck hippies? The closest city to my house is Portland, for Christ’s sake.

    What will you do in Thailand?

    Thailand? I’ve never said I’m going to Thailand. I have no plans to ever go there.

    Are you sure you’re on the right blog? Are you feeling okay?

  9. The grammar stays, grandma nitpicker, just to piss you off.

    You used to say proofreading was not nitpicking and that you welcomed it, but if you’ve decided to be negative about it from now on, it’s your blog quality that suffers, not me. “to whom you are not sexually compatible with” is a pretty fucked up sentence.

  10. @ Gil Galad:

    Seriously I do proofreading for work and I didn’t even notice! (blogs are my downtime). I reckon it’s only worth correcting when it could cause serious confusion.

    @ Blackdragon:

    Oopst I got petite and weak-bodied mixed up. Also crystals and hippies, and only fucking them as FBs. And was it South China? South East Asia? I am confused. I plan on mostly living in developing countries in future. But I don’t prefer Caucasian women, so I’m sorted. What and how will you date over there? Please write about it.

  11. Odd, I literally had something similar happen just about a week ago.

    Sunday night, some consultant woman about 10 minute walk from my place on Tinder sent basically ‘wanna fuck?” message there.

    Obviously this is what most spam bots sent, but her profile looked legit, so we messaged back and forth and it seemed legit. She was hot, albeit a little older for me (I’m 29, she was 33, but looked decent enough).

    Like your post, this woman, although looked good, was also barking out orders in bed. In fact she was even a bit pissed that I didn’t get to her hotel fast enough (this isn’t exactly ordering a pizza lady).

    It was kind of annoying, actually. I don’t know any man other than a complete pussy who wants a woman talking and nit picking so much in bed (really never saw anything like it). She was either very insecure with herself + the situation of her basically just begging for anonymous sex.

    Thankfully I had a couple shots of whiskey in me on the off-chance that this person turned out to be 10-20 pounds heavier than her pictures. Eventually after some dicking, she tended to shut the fuck up. But jesus. Yeah that was definitely a one-and-done. She came like 5 times too — I couldn’t get off because she was just obsessed with it for her own ego and was just weird.

    Yeah, I’ll stick to submissive women. Even ones that are ambitious, smart, tigers in the office usually turn out to be submissive in the sack, the real place it matters.

  12. this woman, although looked good, was also barking out orders in bed

    When I was reading BD’s own anecdote I was thinking I wouldn’t have stayed with that chick and had sex; the moment it turned out she was gonna just jump on top and start yelling orders, my dick would say no anyway. Same with this one. I don’t mind having a girl on top now and then or even receiving “instructions” if done playfully, but barking orders? No thanks. Unless super horny, I’d politely say this wasn’t working and leave.

    My type is what I might call “responsive submissive”, ie she lets me have my way but reacts a lot and takes some initiatives here and there. Which is basically what “submissive without being a starfish” means.

  13. I went from a long marriage to a sexually incompatible woman to a girlfriend who was a total smoke show and absolutely compatible. The contrast was mind blowing. Needless to say, we fucked like mad. We fucked countless times, in every way my mind could devise. She was game 24/7 for anything I could think of. Add to that her being insanely hot and it was like crack. Unfortunately, she had a bit to much crazy in her for a stable long-term relationship. But damn was it fun while it lasted!!

  14.  

    Why can’t all women be like this?

    They don’t want to be or be viewed as slutty.

    I sound like a roaring, retarded T-Rex

    Haha. Quiet guys during sex is a buzz kill.

    I always wonder what happens when a couple marries before having sex, and then they find out the sex is lame or they are just incompatible. To me, the risks outweigh the benefits.

  15. I always wonder what happens when a couple marries before having sex, and then they find out the sex is lame or they are just incompatible.

    I wonder what happens when the woman goes off the Pill, if she’s still happy with the selection she made when her body thought it was pregnant. Is that just a conspiracy theory?

  16. During the entire time she was on top, she kept barking orders at me, told me to shut up, told me to not make any noise, and on and on.

    Was this the same woman as the #6 Russian you mentioned a couple of months ago?  She was a near-10, but complained too much during the deed.

     

  17. I have seen people start dating someone who has a lot of great qualities, but massive sexual incompatibilities, and it never works. 

    This is why I am terrified of cultures where people don’t have any sex before marriage, and marry as virgins.  Sure, that is good for children and leads to a 1% divorce rate, but think of all the people who are married for life with someone they are sexually incompatible with.

    Christian societies pre-1960 were like this.  Indian marriage systems are like this.  One shudders at the risk this system entails.

    BD, what percentage of women in the suitable age-range would you say the average man is compatible with?  Incompatible with?  In between?

    If incompatibility is any higher than 20%, then old-fashioned marriage was an extremely risky, abusive system under which hundreds of millions of people suffered.

  18. How do OLTR and 100% (that seems a bit exaggerated but let’s say 95% or 98%) sexual compatibility relate? (98% compatibility or above would represent in my experience, 4.3% of the women I ever had sex with, or 3 out of 70, not counting any p4p,  sugarbabies and the likes).

     

    Can the OLTR be just okay sexually compatible, and an FB is sexually amazingly in synch? (I am talking here first years of the relationship, not the specific case you mentioned of a long lasted relationship going south on this particular point for medical or other reason). I have tremendous difficulty wrapping up my mind around this scenario, assuming the OLTR is an average straight woman,  who doesn’t want to have anything to do with 3somes. I mean, I would want to fuck the FB much more often than the OLTR, for sure.

     

    I think I have read some comment affirming that the hottest girl (I believe it was about subjective physical attraction here, not sexual compatibility)  a man fucks, should not be made his OLTR. Is that really something that you said, or just someone else said that? How about sexual compatibility? Should a man also avoid being in an OLTR with the woman he feels the most sexually compatible. Both ideas feel extremely counter intuitive to me, however I can understand that it would make sense as a strategy for preventing oneitis, dramas and betaisation.

    Or on the contrary, do you recommend the OLTR to be the most sexually in synch woman a mam fucks in his rotation? (on top of the other criteria)

  19. @A says

    In my experience, I evaluate about 27% of the ‘non for profit’ women I had sex with were less than 15% compatible, which also includes women who reached a certain minimum of purely sexual compatibility in term of action but their smell was too incompatible for me so it downgraded the experience to something uncompatible. And probably 3% were less than 2% compatible. That is on a sample of 70 women.

    What I mean by 15% compatible, is that I could have sex with someone 15% compatible, very irregularly, if she was more than just cute subjectively and if I was in a weird situation where I am extremely horny and I don’t have many other opportunities at hand to fill up my week with 3 sex sessions. But the overall sexual experience would give me very little satisfaction besides busting a nut in a real woman.

  20. Also, about 35% of these women were somewhat compatible with my one favorite kink (anal). Without this kink, I kinda feel like the max compatibility a woman can reach with me is 70%. I couldn’t imagine doing an OLTR with a woman who is incompatible with my one favorite kink either.

  21. If incompatibility is any higher than 20%, then old-fashioned marriage was an extremely risky, abusive system under which hundreds of millions of people suffered.

    20% of couples might have had lousy sex, you say? What about those “43% of adults in the US [that] have had a parent, child, sibling or spouse who is or was an alcoholic”? [source: some random search result]

    First world problems…

    BD is of course right that one should stop caring about the above numbers, instead just making sure one’s decisions lead him neither into the 20% nor into the 43%.

  22. A woman once bragged to me about the number of guys she banged in the butt with a strap-on.

     

    BD, have you ever had a woman ask to do you in the butt with a strap-on, or better yet, would you ever let a woman do you in the butt with a strap-on (if you really loved her)?

  23. You used to say proofreading was not nitpicking and that you welcomed it, but if you’ve decided to be negative about it from now on, it’s your blog quality that suffers, not me. “to whom you are not sexually compatible with” is a pretty fucked up sentence.

    Tee hee! It did piss you off! Yay! I love nitpickers!

    They don’t want to be or be viewed as slutty.

    Such a woman would never be viewed as slutty by me. But yeah, our puritanical society sucks.

    I always wonder what happens when a couple marries before having sex, and then they find out the sex is lame or they are just incompatible.

    If they’re in the Western world, they get divorced or the guy cheats. If they leave in the Eastern world, they both put up with it forever and it slowly destroys their souls (India).

    Was this the same woman as the #6 Russian you mentioned a couple of months ago?  She was a near-10, but complained too much during the deed.

    No, different woman, and slightly different scenario. The woman above was dominant. That Russian 10 was just really bitchy and picky, and perhaps reluctant.

    This is why I am terrified of cultures where people don’t have any sex before marriage, and marry as virgins.  Sure, that is good for children and leads to a 1% divorce rate,

    It’s not good for children. Angry, pent-up, sexually repressed people do not make good parents. Read this.

    BD, what percentage of women in the suitable age-range would you say the average man is compatible with?  Incompatible with?  In between?

    There is no way to answer that because every man is into different things. A really boring, vanilla guy would have a wider range of compatible women than the guy who likes women to pee on him. Such goes for all levels in-between.

    I can only tell you what I’ve experienced. I’m into dominant, rough, pounding sex. Not BDSM (that requires too much thought, and my brain shuts off during sex), just dominant. The vast majority of women I’ve had sex with either enjoyed it to some degree or at least didn’t mind it, mostly because, I think, most women are accustomed to modern-day men being timid during sex (again, most men are betas today) and being with a “real man” (not my words, theirs) is different and thus stimulating.

    I’d guess 20%(?) of women I’ve been with didn’t like it to some degree, either a little or a lot.

    True story: Pink Firefly once told me that the first time we had sex, she was so surprised at how I was that she almost didn’t see me again after that. Over time she got used to it and now it’s all good, but it’s likely there have been other women who were like that (disliked it in the beginning and grew to like it) when I never knew.

    Can the OLTR be just okay sexually compatible, and an FB is sexually amazingly in synch?

    Yes to both. 100% (or 98% or whatever) sexual compatibility is not required for OLTR.

    I have tremendous difficulty wrapping up my mind around this scenario, assuming the OLTR is an average straight woman,  who doesn’t want to have anything to do with 3somes.

    If that’s important to you, you’d know that about her well before you upgraded her to OLTR, and refuse to do so if she wasn’t into that.

    I think I have read some comment affirming that the hottest girl (I believe it was about subjective physical attraction here, not sexual compatibility)  a man fucks, should not be made his OLTR. Is that really something that you said, or just someone else said that?

    I said it. Leaping into a serious committed relationship just because she’s the hottest girl you’ve ever fucked is extraordinarily dangerous. I see guys do this all the time and it’s stupid.

    How about sexual compatibility? Should a man also avoid being in an OLTR with the woman he feels the most sexually compatible.

    No. Sexual compatibility has nothing to do with it. If your OLTR enjoys herself while having sex with you, she’s okay, even if it’s 55% or 70% compatibility (or whatever; it’s hard to assign numbers to these things).

    Or on the contrary, do you recommend the OLTR to be the most sexually in synch woman a mam fucks in his rotation? (on top of the other criteria)

    I think that would be dangerous too, but it would depend on the specific scenario.

    I once had a FB who had a really bland personality, but who was also hot and was 100% in sync with me, so sex was insane and mind-blowing. I seriously considered upgrading her to MLTR just because of that alone, but I realized it wouldn’t be a good idea.

    BD, have you ever had a woman ask to do you in the butt with a strap-on

    No. My frame is clear enough with women that they would know not to ask. Plus, I think women into that stuff are more dominant in bed and/or more masculine, and I don’t end up with those usually.

    or better yet, would you ever let a woman do you in the butt with a strap-on (if you really loved her)?

    No. I’m pretty open sexually but that would hurt, and I don’t like pain during sex. Sex is supposed to feel good. (But I realize that’s just me, and lots of people enjoy a little pain during sex; fine, more power to them.)

  24. I like to do anal on women, and there is always this idea that it is painful from women refusing it. So I tried to get fucked in the ass a couple of times, to see exactly how it feels. Of course if it’s not properly lubed and not relaxed, it can probably hurt. But just relaxed (I mean by that nothing special, just to not actively close the anus) and lubrication is enough to not feel any pain at all, it is an interesting sensation that feels extremely pleasurable when combined with stimulation on the cock, or the clit for women. And the clit or cock orgasm is multiplied, much more intense.
    Since I tried receiving anal, I know for a fact that women who refuse anal with the sole argument that it hurts, are full of shit (pun intended). Pain is not an issue with lubrication. Either they were too dumb and actually tried it dry, or they just never tried it/can’t relax/actively tighten or close their anus/are constipated/stuck up/afraid to make a mess with their poop.

  25. I try to imagine being in an OLTR who is not the woman I currently feel the most physically attracted and most sexually compatible. I fail to see any point in that. Why in hell would I suffer the presence of the same woman several times per week, if not live with her, while I could instead fuck better looking women with better sexual chemistry? I would rather have my best friend (man) as a flatmate if I really needed company (which I rather not have, I prefer living alone).
    I have never ever met any woman whose asexual presence and conversation is as interesting or fun as with my besties, or even some random unknown dude who share some of my interests. Most of the time I find women asexual presence dull if not a nuisance, it’s just something I have to put of with for sex and affection/cuddles. I am an introvert, and my topic of interests are extremely geeky mostly hard science (women studying theoretical physics at postgraduate level are the 2% exception, and good luck finding one who is physically attractive) and technology, mathematics theoretical physics and talking about sex with my male friends (I find talking about sex with women is either boring or frustrating in most cases, because their fantasies aren’t visual but more emotional, and I can’t talk about other women I fuck since that would be too much details and triggering jealousy).

  26. @Gang- I’m going to have to disagree with you. I have tried anal now several times but it is still painful to me. I don’t enjoy anything about it on a physical level, I don’t like the way it feels and it makes me bleed afterwards, even if the guy is slow and patient and using lube. Maybe some people have more accommodating anuses or something. I still do it occasionally, with one guy, because he likes it but it’s definitely more for him than me and the only enjoyment I get out of it is the act of submission. You can’t assume because you enjoy it that it feels the same way to everyone.

  27. I try to imagine being in an OLTR who is not the woman I currently feel the most physically attracted and most sexually compatible. I fail to see any point in that.

    Because looks fade. That super hottie you move in with today will be very likely not be as hot in 15 years, or many cases, even 5 or 10 years. If your relationship is based mostly on how she looks, you’re in for a never-ending string of short-term relationships with younger women for the rest of your life (assuming you can keep fucking these women when you get old), as you constantly dump women as soon as they start gaining weight or getting wrinkles, and spending time replacing these women.

    If that’s really what you want, then go right ahead. High-drama Alpha 1.0’s like Tom Cruise and Donald Trump seem to enjoy that model.

    But if you want very something long-term with one special person, you’re going to have to base it on much more than just how she looks. She won’t look like that forever, especially if you both live in the Western world.

    (And yes, I know older women can get cosmetic surgery, etc. But you know what I mean.)

    Why in hell would I suffer the presence of the same woman several times per week, if not live with her, while I could instead fuck better looking women with better sexual chemistry?

    If your priories are purely sexual, you wouldn’t. OLTR is about more than sex.

  28. So I tried to get fucked in the ass a couple of times, to see exactly how it feels. 

    Hmm.. wait a second. Maybe other reader not find it very confusing(amusing?).
    But how would you try to do that? Are you sort of an experimentalist guy?

  29. @ Gang:

    suffer the presence of the same woman

    That entire comment block. Did you just take a walk inside my brain? Let’s move in together! Women can be a pain in the ass. Speaking of which:

    @ Lovergirl/Gang:

    I always (ass)umed men got more physical pleasure from anal than women. Male G-spot and all that? Let’s leave aside the psychological payoff. It would be interesting to investigate an evolutionary basis for it. Any science ‘behind’ it?

    Although I am very dominant and predictable, extremely occasionally I experiment with things like this, when I have a certain type of good chemistry with a dominant, mummy-type, woman or am feeling extra horny, or in an unusual mood. Often I get this mood when I have gone without sex for about a month. Doesn’t last long, nor does the woman, but it’s there.

  30. “My response is that might make sense in a long-term relationship where sexual compatibility existed but doesn’t anymore, but you can’t establish a new relationship under these conditions.”

    A book called “His Needs Her Needs” is geared towards monogamy, but it lists explicit states what men and women need from their relationship(s).  #1 for men is:  “Sexual Fulfillment”, and to deny yourself this right off the bat is a recipe for a strained relationship.

  31. @Lovergirl (warning more anal and poop details for those who don’t want to read that)

    It should definitely not bleed! Yes, I guess your anus is not accommodating. Constipation (if the stool is often hard) and/or hemorrhoids can be some of the possible causes. The anus is made to accommodate without any pain fairly long and large stools similar to the grith of an average penis 3 times a day, and well molded, but not stone hard (that’s constipation). In my teens I used to be constipated (I didn’t even realize I was), and back then pooping often hurt and I also had sometimes a bit of blood on the toilet paper. That was many years before I ever tried receiving anal.

    In all my experiences it occurred 2 times on 2 separate occasions with 2 women, once each, bled during vaginal intercourse (it was not periods), and only one time with one woman during anal. We had anal multiple times, before and after that one time without any problem. Definitely there is some sort of problem prior to the intercourse activity, anal or vaginal. The 2 bleedings from the vagina were quite a lot actually, more than periods, whereas the one bleeding from the anus was much less than sex in the periods.

    One of the woman who bled during vaginal asked her doctor who said it might be related to her drinking collagen every day (for the anti aging effect on the skin supposedly), which he said could make the vaginal tissue more fragile. I’ve had anal sex with this same woman multiple times, and she never experienced any pain or bleeding from her ass.

  32. I really enjoy giving a hard pounding,  and while I wouldn’t say I’m specially turned on by sex that is rough per se, I certainly like it vigorous and energetic. But equally if that’s not what she wants (either not what she ever wants or not what she wants on a specific occasion), I also very much enjoy gentler sex – and of course often a single session involves a combination of the two. I find that’s one advantage of having a number of women that I see in (more or less) rotation because I get to have different types of sex with different types of women. (Plus I enjoy the variety for its own sake.)

    As for women that I find sexually incompatible, it’s a continuum I guess but there have been a few. One wanted to use a strap-on on me, which I wasn’t having, and she became quite irrational and verbally abusive when I said no; one I remember made absolutely no noise or movement during sex – although she said she enjoyed it I saw absolutely no evidence of that, and after we’d been together three or four times I simply ended it; two or three women I’ve been with I have found simply repugnant as people (usually discovered when talking afterward, though we weren’t sexually incompatible as such). I don’t like being ordered around during sex, but I’ve never encountered a women who especially objected when I told her that. In fact, I don’t much enjoy talking during sex, and usually I find I can’t really; I don’t mind if she talks as long as she doesn’t expect me to give sensible responses. I do moan during sex, especially when I cum and just before it; one fb used to object to this – she seemed to be worried about her housemates, but as far as I could see they were never there (we were students and used to fuck in the afternoons mostly); I told her she could have me moaning or not at all, and she opted to keep seeing me.

    …Do you have any advice on how to last longer even when pounding hard?

    Hard thrusting is one of the things that drives me to cum, so I often find that I have to slow down or vary the type of movements for a bit (e.g. rotate my hips rather than thrust as such). Practice helps, I guess; certainly I have better control than I did 10 years ago (26 now). I don’t ever stop moving altogether but occasionally I pull out and go for another position, or roll over so she’s on top, for example, hopefully without losing the p-i-v contact. I have on the rare occasion even resorted to that tired old trick of thinking of something else altogether (e.g. subtracting serial sevens from some random number like 212, or trying to think of as many of Shakespeare’s plays as I can); I did this more when I was younger but it does seem to work, up to a point.

  33. Never got that anal fetish some hetero guys seem to have. Men’s asshole is dirty, smells bad, it has hair all over it and is tight as hell. What’s the fun letting a chick poke or lick the brown eye?

    But if you take a fine woman’s ass (oh man) it’s soft, clean and close to the pussy… damn, even if they don’t want my dick inside I could stick my tongue in that hole all night long.

  34. @Tropodo

    I am definitely an experimentalist! And a theorician! haha

    I did first try myself with a dildo. Then I went to the trouble couple of times – some being paid for it – (I say ‘trouble’ because I feel no physical attraction for men, quite the contrary, I especially dislike kissing a man, but I did put up with it for the sake of experimenting, and I can’t get hard getting sucked by a man, I just find men facially repulsive) to actually try having a man fuck me in the ass, meanwhile I was watching at straight porn to get aroused and jerking off. Also I tried couple of times with a woman wearing a dildo. The best feeling was with a fairly well endowed top submissive gay man who I commanded exactly how to fuck me from behind (so I didn’t have him in my sight), pace and depth, and how to touch my nipples while I was jerking off to straight porn, intense orgasm followed.

    I wish I was bisexual though, and felt physically attracted to men, sex life would be so much more varied.

    As for how it feels, men have a prostate. Women have the female equivalent of a prostate, it’s familiarly called the G-spot. As for a man with proper angle and stimulation, anal penetration of a woman can stimulate the prostate or G-spot. However in my experience, prostate stimulation is not the main pleasure component. The main component is the ass stimulation feeling somehow connected and enhancing the clitoris stimulation (or the dick – basically clit and tip of the cock are the same thing, and very litterally the exact same organ at early foetal development stages). I don’t know know exactly how physiologically this occurs, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there are some shared nerves wiring pathways branching close between both the anus and the clit/tip of the cock. Women often described to me that the combination of anal and clit stimulation felt like their clit was going to explode with pleasure, until they orgasm. And the clit orgasm occuring at that time is most of the time described as much more intense than without anal penetration. Replace ‘clit’ with ‘tip of my cock’ and this description also matches what I felt.

    As for evolutionary reasons it’s pretty simple: excreting, it being cum, female ejaculate, piss or poop, is designed to feel pleasurable because we have to do it all the damned time to remain alive. So is eating. Cumming is not needed to survive individually, however it is needed to survive as a specie, therefore the pleasure derived from cumming is much greater than any other pleasure, otherwise why would we bother do it if pissing, pooping or eating would provide comparable pleasure? (if pooping causes pain and/or the slightest bleeding, it’s time for you to eat much more fibers from fruits and vegetables and/or drink more water and aim at pooping 2-3 times per day, 1 time per day is the bare minimum and possibly still somewhat constipated. Anal passage is designed to feel pleasurable).

    Look at sexually repressed or prude women who don’t masturbate and had only limited sexual experience with men who didn’t make them cum. Observe how their drive for sex is extremely low compared to an average man. Listen to her describing eating certain foods as more pleasurable than sex. Fuck that same woman a couple of times, make her cum from all holes and squirt everytime. Observe the explosion of her sex drive with that newfound pleasure: it’s so intense that she immediately falls in passionate love with you and make all her emotional life suddenly revolve around you. Possibly she displays uncalibrated extremely needy behaviors or worse, turns full psycho possessive bitch on you.

  35. An additional trick for lasting longer is to press very strongly the area between the balls and the anus while pounding.

    Also, you can try pulling your cock out and squeezing strongly near the tip for a second. You can actually kind of continue pounding this way, pull out squeeze very briefly, put immediately back inside, pull out, etc… for 30 seconds or so. Then go back to normal deep pounding. Women seem to enjoy some variety in the movement anyways, alternating various depths and paces.

  36. Men’s asshole is dirty, smells bad, it has hair all over it and is tight as hell. What’s the fun letting a chick poke or lick the brown eye?

    Some soap and warm water could help with the first part and let the girl have some fun if she is into it.

    Also, WTF happened to this comment section, how did we get here and why am I contributing?

  37. @ AnonDude

    Its like watching Youtube videos around here. You start off watching a documentary and the next thing you know you are seeing inflatable T-Rexs doing American Ninja Warrior.

  38. BD, great article. The built up of the story is funny.

    Could you do an article on the following:

    What are (in your opinion) objective criteria according to which one could classify one’s own sex drive as say low, average or high?

    You said you are a high-sex drive guy and you need on average regularly sex 2-3 times a week.

    So what do you do the other days? Is it that work keeps you busy and you put all the energy into that or is the drive only gettign so strong every 2-3 days?

     

  39. I’d also like to hear from BD on this.

    But are we rating the desire /urge/drive to have sex, or the actual act of sex taking place? Can a repulsive man with zero social skills that never has sex still have a ‘high’ sex drive?

    Frequency vs. desire. Also, from your experience everyone, as frequency increases, does your desire decrease?

     

     

     

  40. @BD (more personal life rambling)

     

    I have had a few girlfriends when I was more beta. I didn’t enjoy too much presence, like a couple of days per week is enough. And I rarely enjoy sleeping with someone, it reduces my sleep quality and quantity a lot when someone is moving in the bed at night. I do feel very strong passion and love feelings though, but the talking part for me with women ranges from neutral to just plainly annoying. There are the 2% exception of extremely  masculine minded scientific+spiritually oriented women with whom the discussion did feel stimulating, but these are very ugly women, either extremely overweight or facially very unattractive for me. That would be female scientists, or full polyamorous women (I do have long lasting relationships with full polyamorous/relationship anarchist women who look just acceptable for me, but they are nowhere nearly as attractive for me as the other women I date). With these poly women, I do feel I can relate more, and I could see myself be in the same retirement home as them… There is also this one 49 years old childfree woman in LA (I was 32 at this time, 35 now), the sex was great and conversation was actually enjoyable and a bit stimulating. She was stunning for her age, but not as attractive as younger women.

  41. But yes currently, the closest thing I do that somehow ressembles an OLTR, but is not even really an OLTR, is with one 19yo woman who is 99% sexually compatible, and 100% physically attractive for me (After almost 2 years, I have yet to see a woman subjectively more attractive than her in person, or crossing in a street or a mall). Conversation with this woman is intellectually very dull (I think she isn’t less smart than average woman, it’s just that her interests are extremely feminine and I don’t relate to that). However she constantly makes those weird sex jokes that for some reason always make laugh. So that part is enjoyable. But being less than 25yo, her life is predictably an complete unstable mess. And while she can be quite emotionally collected most of the month, when PMS come she goes full on crazy psycho bitch drama. At this level I am pretty sure it’s more than PMS, probably she suffers from Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), I am no doctor but she checks much more than the minimum number of symptoms for this diagnosis. I would love this relationship to last for decades – minus the psycho dramas – , but she is less than 25 and want kids so that can’t really happen. Anyways, very high drama relationship indeed. And I can do several years easily pair bonded, but my max was 6 years. I can do much much longer with full polyamorous MLTRs (but there are very long stretch – months or years –  of time when I don’t see them because of long distance).

     

    I would just feel logistically cockblocked if I had an OLTR with someone less attractive. Unless I fuck the OLTR much less frequently than all the (very hot and sexy) FB combined, which seems extremely hard to pull off and kind of not the point of an OLTR.

     

    When my physique passes, and renders free sex with young women extremely hard to happen, I can better see myself just paying for prostitutes a 3 times a week, than in an OLTR for main source of sex.

     

    The only one thing I can imagine is if the OLTR is very bisexual, as in perhaps more sexually lesbian than straight. And very much into group sex. At least cute. And very polycompatible, meaning extremely good jealousy management skills. To the point where this OLTR would basically be not only a pairbonded romantic partner (the only reason I see for that would be if she her romantic orientation is more straight than lesbian contrary to her sexual orientation), but also a wingwoman for sarging young hot women to share in our rotation. I would not mind then if she isn’t the most attractive and sexually incompatible. Also possibly nomad. Good luck finding that kind of unicorn!… but apparently there is at least one guy here that seems to have something somehow like that going on with his wiccan poly girlfriend (can’t remember if it’s JackOutsideOfTheBox?).

  42. The comments have gone off topic, but I would still like to comment on this.

    I know for a fact that women who refuse anal with the sole argument that it hurts, are full of shit

    You know for a fact that anal doesn’t hurt women?! Are you a doctor? Are you a female? Just because anal feels good to you doesn’t mean that it feels good to other people, let alone a woman. I have to agree with Lovergirl, anal is very painful. It’s not something women just make up. Here is what I know:
     
    1. The anus lacks the natural lubrication the vaginal has, so penetration can tear the tissue inside the anus.

    2. The anus is designed to hold in feces. After defecation, the muscles tighten, so anal penetration can be painful and difficult. I have also read that repetitive anal sex may lead to weakening of the anal muscle hole, making it difficult to hold feces until you can get to the toilet.
     

    afraid to make a mess with their poop.

    Really?! Your comments make it seem as though all you care about is yourself. A little suggestion for you, maybe you should have a little respect towards the fact that a woman may be very uncomfortable with anal and it may actually hurt. Sex is generally supposed to be pleasurable for both parties (in my opinion). So, instead of thinking she is “full of shit,” maybe you could just trust her and instead try other ways to find pleasure for both you and her.

  43. @Gang

    No shit! for God’s sake man!!!

    You definitely gonna receive my gigantic gold medal on bravery sexual experimentation act!

    You possibly has like an ENTP/ENFP kind of personalty type.

     Just because anal feels good to you doesn’t mean that it feels good to other people, let alone a woman. I have to agree with Lovergirl, anal is very painful. It’s not something women just make up. 

    @BD

    Uhm.. I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry to hear that, BD.

    The door has closed. It’s just end there.

  44. I think anal is overrated, but im biased as I’ve never been able to stroke in an asshole (too tight, never found woman with big enough hole, haven’t searched hard for that either). I can’t see it being a big deal unless the guy has a thin dick or vagina is too loose, then anal may be awesome for him. Anal actually uncomfortable for me when I’ve tried so I know it can’t feel great for her. It’s like I’m creating a new hole. I wouldn’t want anyone shoving something like that up my ass. To each their own, but to act as if a woman’s ass hole and a man’s asshole are the same size and what applies to you should apply to women or even other men is bs.

    I’d even bet that porn actresses have trained their ass to take cocks so easily, esp large ones, because that is not typical of the majority of women in my experience. I’m sure I could find someone on FetLife that would love to get stretched out, but I’m talking about your typical woman here.  No doubt anal is more common than I’ve found and I’m sure some women like it. Though not all, and many probably just do it to appease like Firefly.

    I concur this comment section went off the rails. Cool

     

     

  45. A book called “His Needs Her Needs” is geared towards monogamy, but it lists explicit states what men and women need from their relationship(s).  #1 for men is:  “Sexual Fulfillment”, and to deny yourself this right off the bat is a recipe for a strained relationship.

    Yes, I’m aware of that book.

    He’s right, sexual fulfillment is a requirement for a man… and it’s impossible with long-term monogamy (barring rare exceptions to the rule).

    Could you do an article on the following:

    What are (in your opinion) objective criteria according to which one could classify one’s own sex drive as say low, average or high?

    I already did here.

    You said you are a high-sex drive guy and you need on average regularly sex 2-3 times a week.

    Yes.

    So what do you do the other days?

    http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2012/11/18/a-typical-blackdragon-day-in-the-life/

    http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2014/05/18/blackdragon-a-week-in-the-life/

    http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2014/08/03/how-my-typical-year-looks/

    Is it that work keeps you busy and you put all the energy into that or is the drive only gettign so strong every 2-3 days?

    I put all of my energy into my Mission. Sex is simply a male human biological need that must be satisfied regularly, like eating or going to the bathroom.

    But are we rating the desire /urge/drive to have sex, or the actual act of sex taking place?

    I addressed that in the sex drive article I linked above.

    as frequency increases, does your desire decrease?

    Not for me. My desire for sex about 3 times a week has been constant and static for my entire life, when I was getting laid a ton, when I was not getting laid at all, and even when I was monogamous. I can’t speak for anyone else though.

  46. @Pink Firefly

    First sorry if my comment triggered you.

    I said, and I say again that anal requires proper lubrication otherwise it clearly is painful. I repeat: do not try anal dry and whenever you feel discomfort, take whatever thing is in there out and apply plenty of lubricant or saliva both inside the rectum and on the penetrating object until it can slide again smoothly.

    As for my comment about the sole argument of pain, that may have been unclear (I still like my stupid “full of shit” pun) but I have clarified later to Lovergirl that my stance is that anal is not a painful act in itself for the receiver, unless there is pre-existing damage in that area such as caused by constipation or hemorrhoids or else… If anal feels painful it is an indication of a pre-existing problem down there that requires some form of medical attention or diet change, and/or and indication that the act in itself isn’t done properly, and/or an indication that the recipient is actively contracting the sphincters (and anal insertion should not be tried without a minimal proof of some degree of sphincters relaxation).

    Of course if you or someone else just try to stick something in there without any preparation or lubrication it’s gonna damage your anus. But to some lesser degree the same goes with vaginal intercourse.

    Also, you make assumptions about caring only about myself. I do not go about and fuck women in the ass when they don’t want to. And even when they want to, but are psychologically stuck in tightening their sphincters or have pre-existing damage, I don’t stick my cock in their ass either because I know this would be painful. Also I proactively ask how they feel, at the slightest discomfort reapply lubrication until they confirm it feels good.

    Bottom line anal sex done well isn’t painful. If anal sex is done properly but feels painful, first it should be immediately stopped. Then an investigation of what underlying problem causes the pain could be medically beneficial, not just for anal sex, but for general health purpose.

    You might as well say that vaginal intercourse hurts because in certain cases such as a medical condition or rape or when loosing virginity or performed too harshly, etc… well, it does indeed hurt, duh! It doesn’t mean that after fixing the medical problem and ensuring the vagina is properly lubricated (self or external source), performing intercourse adequately vaginal intercourse could not feel enjoyable. Same goes for anal. I maintain that the sole argument of «anal sex hurts the receiver» is bullshit. «Anal hurts ME because of this and this personal reasons», however, yes, it’s a totally valid statement. Do you see the nuance in my point?

  47. sorry if my comment triggered you.

    Note to self: On my future blog, ban all social justice buzzwords.

    @Pink Firefly: Bad day?

  48. Gang, are your words causing butthurt? or just friction in alternative dark places? ;o)

    Your posts are interesting if controversial, but please keep them shorter.

  49. I generally ignore a girl’s bullshit about what she wants in the sack. I just continue to do what I do until she’s used to it and goes along with it.

    I personally find things like “Sexual Mastery” classes for example in order to please women to be completely chodey and beta. It’s not our job to please women sexually, but their job to please us.

    Our ancestors never had to read books on this stuff and simply took what they want.

    I think people should watch more Rocco Siffredi porn videos to see what sex really looks like. Even the most feminised and empowered women in these videos want to be used as sex slaves.

    They don’t want guys to please them. They’re pleased as a result of you enjoying their body and using it for your own pleasure. It’s a very small detail.

  50. Hahahaha…

    oh god..

    I can guarantee you, if I am having sex with someone and they aren’t pleasing me, I won’t be having sex with them for long. I will find someone else who will be more than happy to put some thoughts into if I am enjoying myself.

    Our ancestors never had to read books on this stuff and simply took what they want.

    It was called Rape and Pillage. You think women in the past enjoyed that? Or marriages to cruel, ugly old men who they were forced to have sex with so they would have to bear their children. No. No. No.

    I think people should watch more Rocco Siffredi porn videos to see what sex really looks like. Even the most feminised and empowered women in these videos want to be used as sex slaves.

    Nothing wrong with some rough, hard, dirty sex. Its quite enjoyable, and yes, most women do enjoy a man taking control of them sexually. Lets not confuse PORN with actual real life sex though, ok?

  51. Tonight I am going to have nightmares about meeting a woman with a mind like Onder wearing a giant strap-on screaming “be compatible, biatch!”

  52. Onder, I was in the process of relaxing my sphincter about the rape culture issue, and then you went and wrote that…

  53. @Sideburns

    English is not my mother language, and I am verbose 😉 Maybe my comments could use some more lubrication to avoid frictions.

     

    @Onder

    I think Rocco knows how to please women, it’s pretty simple: just don’t forget the clit. If you’re really lazy, tell her to play it herself while you do your caveman things.

  54. Sex is simply a male human biological need that must be satisfied regularly, like eating or going to the bathroom.

     

    @BD

    QUESTION:

    All across my dating life, I have been struggling with how to answer the following question in non abstract ways by the main girl I am dating (it always occurred at some point when I had some form of more or less dysfunctional OLTR– I have had many functional MLTR and FB, but not yet had the opportunity to apply perfectly the OLTR model from the beginning since I discovered your blog only last year after starting to have a new ‘main girl’). I mean by that, in a way that would be a satisfying answer for a woman. How would you advise answering this question:

    How do you have sex with other women and how is it different or special with me?

     

    CONTEXT (and clarifications)

    Assume functional OLTR, correct me if I am wrong:

    The OLTR may not be with the hottest and most sexually compatible woman a man is dating (and you tend to advise that she’d better not be, cause that could be dangerous: oneitis+drama). Would you say in your hugly/average/cute/hot scale, what is the minimum requirement you advise for an OLTR? Average? Cute? Or hot?

    From what I understand, she should be,  at least in the early years, sexually compatible, and that is enough to qualify for an OLTR in this aspect. No additional minimum requirement concerning SEX.

    In term of physical intimacy, sex and love making, a man in an OLTR, when having intercourse with a FB, is just purely having SEX with the FB, as you defined in the sentence quoted above. It is not an act of physical intimacy, is it? And it is not love making, is it?

    This man only makes love with the OLTR. She is the only woman who he actually shares physical intimacy with, isn’t she? Perhaps they also sometimes ‘just have SEX’, but what makes the act special is that they also often not just have sex, but ‘MAKE LOVE’, with all their heart and soul. It is or feels sacred and even has some spiritual aspect to it, doesn’t it? And this is kind of why the technicalities of the sex act in itself isn’t very important as long as there is sexual compatibility.

     

    Additional details on the QUESTION:

    I explained here the differences in extremely generic and abstract ways. I can do that, and it is in genuine adequation with how I feel. However I have no clue how to explain that difference in non abstract ways. And this is the problem because it always has felt not genuine for the women who were asking the question. Note that in all cases I do not want to procreate, so the very obvious down to earth answer, ‘it’s different because you are the only one I want to have a family with’ doesn’t apply. When pressed to answer not abstractly, the only things I could think of, were actually to point out several things supporting how much more physically attracted to her I am and how much more sexually compatible I feel with her. Which in the light of this blog post and our discussion, I realize now, would totally raise red flags for a woman, because as you explain, her looks and the sexual compatibility aren’t necessarily as long term things as the scope of an OLTR hopefully is. But I don’t know how to speak in a ‘down to earth’ and non generic/abstract way, about love making, love feelings etc… that I genuinely feel with an OLTR and how it is different from just sex with FB. And basically I end up very frustrated with this question and the main girl I am with in that moment, ends up saying something along the line that I basically treat her and FBs the exact same way sexually and that I don’t actually feel anything special for her, that I just make up that speech to appease her but it’s not genuine. Even if I follow all the FB rules, it doesn’t matter, the main women I had always smelled something fishy in my answer. Thus my question.

  55. Would you agree with the following statement?

    Saying to a woman that she is the hottest girl I can see, and the most sexually compatible with me, therefore she is the one woman I love and really care about, sounds to her a similar way as if it would to a man when a woman tells him that he is the richest man she’s ever been with and she has never felt as spoiled with any other man, therefore he is the one she loves and care about.

     

    This does not feel right indeed. So what to say when being pressed for evidences, beyond generic explanations, of how and why a woman is the special one in my heart and how this translates as something special/different during the sex act?

    In the case of monogamy this question is easily answered by ‘you are the only one woman I have sex with and I want to have sex/make love with’. But in the case of OLTR this question will always arise at some point and needs to be answered honestly, genuinely and in a way that satisfies the OLTR.

  56. @Gang

    Me too! lol

     

    Btw, that is definitely your Ne which cause you become a rambling machine* everywhere and on every other place.

    My prediction is (in fact) still plausible, because evenmore an ENTP/ENFP has Ne in their Dominant function.

    *) also an experimentalist

  57. How would you advise answering this question:

    How do you have sex with other women and how is it different or special with me?

    I advise answering it truthfully.

    If she’s OLTR:

    “Of course I have sex with other women, all the time. And I always will. But yes, sex with you is very different. It’s an entirely different experience. I care about you deeply and that connection comes across when we have sex.”

    If she’s one MLTR out of several:

    “Of course I have sex with other women, all the time. And I always will. Sex is different with every woman, so yes, sex is different with you.” <then change the subject!>

    Would you say in your hugly/average/cute/hot scale, what is the minimum requirement you advise for an OLTR? Average? Cute? Or hot?

    Cute. Trying to establish and a very long-term relationship with a woman you’ve never found more than average looking is unlikely to work in today’s era.

    In term of physical intimacy, sex and love making, a man in an OLTR, when having intercourse with a FB, is just purely having SEX with the FB, as you defined in the sentence quoted above. It is not an act of physical intimacy, is it? And it is not love making, is it?

    Correct. When I fuck my FB‘s there is no intimacy and no lovemaking, nor do I want any from them. I’m satisfying a biological urge with the help of a friend. That’s it.

    This man only makes love with the OLTR. She is the only woman who he actually shares physical intimacy with, isn’t she?

    Yes. Your questions are getting redundant.

    It is or feels sacred and even has some spiritual aspect to it, doesn’t it?

    I can’t speak for other men, but for me, yes, when I have sex with a woman I’m actually in love with, it’s a spiritual experience.

    (You can also just pound the shit out of your lover for a quickie too… it doesn’t always have to be spiritual.)

    Regarding all of your other questions, you are under no obligation to answer every question every woman throws at you, nor are you under any obligation to explain yourself, particularly in a MLTR.

    Even in an OLTR, you can answer a question with one or two sentences and say, “Okay? Now I don’t want to talk about this right now,” and just move on.

    You seem to think you are somehow required to verbalize everything to a woman just because she asks. You are not.

  58. “Of course I have sex with other women, all the time. And I always will. But yes, sex with you is very different. It’s an entirely different experience. I care about you deeply and that connection comes across when we have sex.” [It is sacred and spiritual for me] 

    vs.

    “When I fuck my FB’s there is no intimacy and no lovemaking, nor do I want any from them. I’m satisfying a biological urge [for variety] with the help of a friend. That’s it.”

     

    Thanks, BD. This is genuinely how I feel indeed regarding OLTR vs. FB. I the light of your comment, I think my answers where too detailed about the sex with OLTR and too evasive and not clear enough about the sex with FBs, which was failing to explain for how incomparable the difference is. And then when pressed more my answers hinting at special physical attraction and sexual compatibility were probably confusing them, I think I was misunderstanding what particulars they were asking for.

  59. @Onder

    You know that Rocco has a serious issue. He’s a consummate sex addict who admitted himself being extremely sick.

    And please stop using porn as an example for real people having real sex in real life. Porn is fantasy, period.

    That said, yes, I agree that a man needs to be dominant and put his woman on her knees and back when having sex. But a good lover knows when to give up control and let the other side enjoy it.

    About the anal loving dudes, If it’s giving you pleasure just go ahead and do it. But you cannot complain when people find out and start to give you some gay jokes (not that you should care).

  60. @POB

    I appreciate your opinion. However, in my experience, I’ve not once experienced anything positive as a result of trying to please a girl in bed or making her do all of the work. It may fulfil her needs in the beginning if she’s used to being in control. But in the long run, it kills male/female polarity.

    The minute you bring political correctness into the bedroom, it causes issues. With every relationship, it all starts with the sex. It might sound odd to most people, but it’s the truth.

    In fact, i’ve had more girls compliment my sex performance than they ever did when I played the submissive role of trying to please them. Their response usually goes along the lines of:

    “I just love the fact that you overwhelmed me with your dominance and pushed me to open myself up.”

    “Your animalistic raw attitude to sex makes me wet.”

    “I can’t help but get turned on by the fact that you move me around in bed how you want me. Its really hot.”

    @BlackDragon

    Apologies, but it would help if you added a link to the rules on the header of your site as it’s otherwise hard to spot. I only knew the page existed once you linked it in the comments.

  61. Wanted to make one more important point, which is a point that people tend to overlook.

    People need to get over the idea that sex is somehow “taking” or “extracting” something from a woman for having sex with her. The very act of having sex with a woman is in fact a form of giving and providing pleasure, regardless of how you have sex. Provided the consent is there.

    So the idea that you need to “pleasure” someone is a flawed concept. If a woman doesn’t have any desire to have sex with you (excluding marriage, which is mostly transactional), then no amount of trying to pleasure her will make a difference.

  62. Apologies, but it would help if you added a link to the rules on the header of your site as it’s otherwise hard to spot.

    C’mon man, you’ve got to be better than that. It’s prominently displayed right at the top of the comments section, in bigger font than the rest of the site:

    “Please comment and contribute to the discussion, but be sure to follow our rules

  63. People need to get over the idea that sex is somehow “taking” or “extracting” something from a woman for having sex with her.

    Exactly! IMO you don’t have to give anything besides control.

    Control and dominate, let it go for a bit, than go back and dominate again. This is how I do it. Besides the “make her cum every time” rule, which is very important, I don’t need her to feel that I’m giving her anything.

    If she’s at ease with me things will go smooth anyways, so I really don’t care.

  64. Onger: calls people manginas, then blames BD. Just own your mistake and move on bro. Everything wrong in our life is our fault.

    I agree with most of your second comment in which you clarified the dominant sex issue. You can be dominant and still please a woman either directly or indirectly. No guilt or obligation. As long as it’s consensual.

  65. No hard feelings from my side. Just giving some constructive feedback on how specific elements of the site can be improved coming from a visitor visiting the site. Just trying to help 😉

  66. @BD and anyone who feels like answering this question (replace genders accordingly if you are a woman)

    However, a small percentage of women will be 100% in-sync with you sexually in every way you can imagine, down to the little details. Again, this is rare, but when it happens, it’s quite exciting and a huge amount of fun.

     

    Questions

    A-0-How many younger than 33yo *BIOLOGICALLY CHILDLESS* women have been 100% (or let’s say over 95%) sexually in synch with you and were hot and also a personal 10?

    A-1-with how many of these women did you continue to have sex over more than 2 months.

    A-2-with how many of these women did you continue to have over more than 1 year.

    A-3-what is the longest period of time you continued to have sex with one of these women? Meaning from the first day you had sex to the last day, no matter how long she LSNFTE you or you nexted her in between.

    A-4-Any return rate figure to share of after LSNFTE from this type of women?

    A-5-How many of these women were on the low end of the drama queen spectrum, meaning rather low drama.

     

    B-If you are not BD, please clarify how many years passed from the first time you had sex in your life until today. Or just give what year you had sex for the first time of your life.

     
    Definitions Specific To These Questions 
    *over 95% sexual compatibility* look how BD defines it in this post, on top of that I will had that this level of synch cannot be attained if she isn’t compatible with you most important one on one sex kink (provided you have one sex kink that you consider important – whatever it is, in my specific case for instance I already said, she must like receiving anal sex to attain this level).

    *BIOLOGICALLY CHILDLESS* means she can have adopted childs, or childs carried via surrogate mother, but never had in her belly a more than 3 months old foetus and never delivered a baby and has no stretch mark whatsoever anywhere, not even on the belly of boobs or scar related in whatsoever way to procreation or babies. A woman who only had a miscarriage after 6 months of pregnancy doesn’t qualify for this *BIOLOGICALLY CHILDLESS* criteria. The reason for this is, I am very detailed focused, and among the many milf I had sex with in my life I have seen 0 women who didn’t suffer from significant body degradation from having babies. And I know for a fact that some less detailed oriented men would not notice, such as my friend who fucked as well some of these same women and didn’t notice for some of them. So feel free to add women who do not match this criteria but match all other criteria in a separate number, but don’t mix them with the really *biologically childless* women. (this criteria is completely irrelevant if you are a woman replying to this question for how many men, but feel free to dissociate childless men from fathers if you feel like)

    *PERSONAL 10* I mean there, a type of physique that match perfectly your favourite type of facial features and perfect body shapes, she also match your favorite type of body height and whatever other important physical fetishes you may have. Only allowed personal imperfections are extremely minor. You must look everywhere for months before even crossing someone in the street that you imagine could perhaps possibly look as good naked. And there aren’t very many celebrities that you find as or more attractive than her. Their personal scent/musk without perfume smells great for you.

  67. A quick comparison of “having sex with a new woman of this kind of perfect 10 biologically childless over 95% sexually in synch phenomenon”:

    The sun rises and set everyday.

    Most of the time I fuck 3 times per week or more in average. The longest dry spell I have ever had since 2000 is 4 months. And a couple of over one month dry spells.

    There is a full moon every 28 days (correct me if I am wrong, but yeah I don’t even care enough to be sure of this number).

    I have lost count of how many moon eclipses I have witnessed in my life, and there even was some moon eclipses that I didn’t even bother observe. Moon eclipses aren’t very many, but I am pretty sure I have witnessed more than 5 and lost track.

    I have witnessed only one full solar eclipse in my whole life. It was in the country where I was living at this moment, but the full eclipse path was like 8 hours away from the city where I lived and I did hassle all the way to there to observe the full solar eclipse.

    Since then there have been several full solar eclipses occuring on earth, but they aren’t that many, and if I wanted to observe them I would have had to take an international long haul flight only for that purpose.

    Per definition of full death, I will die only once in my life.

     

    So are we talking full solar eclipse type of event? Or Moon eclipse type of event? I don’t think it is ‘full moon’ frequency type of event. And certainly a man doesn’t meet and have sex with a new woman of that type of match every week. But I don’t believe it has to be a once in a lifetime type of event either, perhaps it is for some men who don’t care or didn’t put the effort, but I don’t believe it has to be, assuming necessary actions are taken (could be a huge and very difficult to pull off hassle though that’s what I am trying to get a feeling of here).

  68. Gang – Please stop posting multiple copies of comments or slightly different variations of comments, both of which I have to delete. If your comment doesn’t show up immediately after posting, be patient and wait about 10 minutes before trying to repost it again. Thanks.

  69. Hey BD, sorry about that. Please let me know if there was other occurrences that I am not aware of. As far as I am aware of, this occurred once in the article about OLTR where I was replying to JOTB and I pointed it for you to delete.

    But the comment you deleted here perhaps seemed at a first glance like a duplicate. It was not. I was answering myself the questions I asked earlier, with a copy of the questions themselves for readability, but without the definitions. I’ll answer again without the copy of the questions if that’s ok then 🙂

    And I know I posted a lot on this article, it’s really a topic of particular interest for me, especially regarding other readers experiences.

  70. (I forgot to mention no p4p, swinger partner swapping or sugar babies, or then count them as separate numbers)

    My answers:

    A-0-1-2-6 Only one 19yo *BIOLOGICALLY CHILDLESS* women has been 98% sexually in synch with me and is hot and also a personal 10. 1 year and 8 months so far. 

    A-4- No LSNFTE so far, but several Short SNFTE (more like a few days), she returned each time so far.

    A-5- Not the most craziest drama queen I ever encountered, but high drama.

    B-2000 is the year I had sexual intercourse for the first time.

    Other numbers:

    If I add p4p and swingers partner swapping, that adds 2 other women.

     

    I also add a cute MILF, who I consider hot on the pictures of herself when she was childless. 99% sexual-compatibility.

    One 49 yo childless 99% sexual-compatibility. My guess is I would probably have considered her hot in  here youth and she looked very hot to me for her age.

    One personal 10, great sex, but not compatible with my most important fetish, so I give her 69% the maximal possible in this case for me.

    One hot, possibly 9, 95% sexual compatibility.

    To put things in perspective (not counting p4p swingers and sugar babes) I had sex with 12 women I consider hot. And 30 women I consider cute, including 4 that look hot dressed but I rank as cute just because they are not childless. So someone not as nitpicker about pregnancy aftermaths may consider 16 hot.

    I also had sex with 3 ugly women, and 30 average women.

     

    Also one of my closest friend who mostly uses p4p could count 3 p4p occurrences among about a hundred of different women in the last 4 years.

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