A while back, I wrote two articles on men’s levels of sex drive and women’s levels of sex drive. I highly suggest you read both of them, as they highlight the distinct differences between the ways in which men and women experience sexual desire.

This article today is both a simplification and clarification of how men and women’s sexual desire is distinctly different. The entire difference between how men and women experience horniness can be summed up in this simple statement:

Men are horny. Women are horny when they’re horny.

I realize that statement may sound overly simplistic, even perhaps stupid, but that really does sum it all up.

Barring the unusual exception to the rule, men are horny pretty much all the time. This isn’t our fault of course; our hard-wired biology compels us to spread our seed and have sex with as many women as possible. Because of this, you’re probably horny all the time, more or less. Even if you’re not thinking about sex during a particular moment, like when you’re focused on some project, if a hot babe walks into the room and asks you to fuck her, you’ll probably say yes (assuming your lifestyle allows this), or at least your answer will be “Give me two minutes.”

Men are down for sex all the time. It’s normal.

What about women? Are women horny all the time like we are? Are women down for sex at any given moment of the day?

Of course they’re not. While men are horny, women are only horny when they’re horny. In other words, under normal conditions, a typical woman is not walking around thinking about sex all the time. If she’s engrossed in a project, and a hot stud walks into the room and asks for sex, not only will she say no, but she’ll probably be at least mildly irritated at the request. If she’s over age 33 and/or has higher levels of ASD, she may actually be insulted and even angered that he’s bothering her with such an “immature,” “offensive,” or “inappropriate” suggestion.

Moreover, women have been trained by society their entire lives to hide their horniness. Men, at least in most cultures, lack this training. That means that when a man is really horny, everyone around him knows it. He shows it in some form or fashion and usually doesn’t attempt to hide it. Whereas when a woman is really horny, you might know, or you may have no idea. Often she’ll go out of her way to hide it; something she’s had a lot of practice doing her entire adult life. I’m sure you’ve had the experience of when a women tells you of some past time you had with her, when she said was “really horny,” and you had no idea at the time.

Most normal, non-red pill men take all of these things into account and draw the conclusion that women aren’t horny at all, or are at least much less horny than men, and that sex isn’t something they’re interested in. They assume that sex is something they “do for men” just to shut men up, manipulate them into relationships, or to have babies.

More woman-experienced men know this is completely inaccurate. Women are just as horny as men, if not more so, but unlike with men, it’s not a constant condition. While men are horny, women get horny. When women get horny, they are just as horny as men.

Some would argue (including me) that when women are horny, they’re even hornier than men. I have personally experienced women doing the most insane, crazy shit in order to get sex when they’re horny in the moment. I’ve seen women who can’t pull their own clothes off of themselves fast enough to get laid. I’ve seen women get visibly upset when I can’t come over to their homes to fuck them. I’ve seen women naked, laying in my bed (or on the carpet, or on my couch) literally screaming at me to “hurry up” and “get over here” because they needed me inside them. I’ve seen women drive an hour across town just to have sex with one of their FB’s; note that this was not a man they were dating or even liked; they just needed the sex. Many women have told me stories about how they get so horny at work sometimes, they sneak into the woman’s bathroom just to diddle themselves to orgasm in one of the stalls.

And so on.

Notice however, that all of those examples were in the moment of horniness. When not horny, women don’t do any of these things. Their minds aren’t even remotely in that zone. Compare that to men, who will constantly do stupid, insane things for women because of their oneitis, at any and all times… because men are horny all the damn time.

Some men argue that often, women experience these extreme bouts of horniness because of purely biological factors, such as ovulation, pregnancy, PMS, and certain aspects of menopause. This is true. It’s also true that many women can get crazy horny for reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with these factors, such as slow sex drive women who are very relaxed and get turned on by a man who knows what he’s doing. NRE also creates extreme horniness in women, as does watching a particularly sexual scene in a movie. Even talking about sex, particularly in a very rich, emotional way can make a woman very horny, which is one of the reasons why I recommend doing this on first and second dates, and why guys like Ross Jeffries built an entire seduction system around that concept.

Exceptions to the rules aside, all women under the age of 60 get super horny like this, at least occasionally. (It is true that after age 60, many women start to remove sex from their lives, but even many of these women still get horny; they just don’t use sex to satisfy it.)

You’re horny all the time. She’s not normally horny at all, but when she gets horny, and she will, she’s just as horny as you are, if not more so.

That’s the difference.

43 Comments on “Getting Horny – The Difference Between Men and Women

  1. A list of your favorite methods to make a girl you’ve been with for years horny would be greatly appreciated!

  2. The most crucial thing I’ve learned is that it’s up to us to turn women on and think about sex. It’s the reason bad boys get laid lots because they simply aren’t afraid to cross the boundaries and take risks.

    The fact is, if you escalate both verbally and physically, you’ll often find that women are more receptive to it than you may have guessed or assumed.

    In short, women need to be lead towards sex. Sure they can do it on their own at times, but in the majority of cases, it’s up to us as men to do it.

  3. Testosterone is key. Libido (sex drive) is very much (although not completely) driven by it. Women have 10 times less and produce 20 to 40 times less T than men.

    This changes everything. There are also pshicologycal and cultural influences but T is the most important one.

  4. Hey BD, this doesn’t relate to this topic but I forgot to ask on the last post.
    I know you said if you have an oltr you can’t have another women as an mltr. Why is that? I know you say you can love multiple women but one is normally above the rest. Couldn’t you carry this concept over whenever you upgrade a girl to an oltr.
    Is it possible to have a model following traditional middle Eastern marriages where the husband has multiple wives (not saying you’d treat them that way or theyd both be living with you but just a similar concept).
    Kind of similar to the basketball player lou Williams, he has 2 girlfriends that he openly loves and even has a kid with one(oltr) but also has another woman who he dates and She even is around him when his oltr is there.

  5. In short, women need to be lead towards sex. Sure they can do it on their own at times, but in the majority of cases, it’s up to us as men to do it.

    I think it has a lot to do also with women thinking the man should do it and waiting for him to take the lead even if they want to take the lead. Many women told me this directly, and I have also experience that they looked like they wanted something but didnt do anything until I started, then even a small nudge was enough, but they were waiting for me.

    Plus ASD is a big part of them not doing what they want to do.

    So I dont think they are necessarily less horny, they just wait for us to do something. Theres also the part that if the girl is at least a bit hot she KNOWS she does not have to do anything because lots of guys will try anyway – so why bother? Lets be honest if you had scores of hot girls making the first move on you your whole life would you even consider making the first move? You might even feel offended by the idea that the other person didn’t take a first move. Yes, it also has a lot to do with pride…

  6. Yes, it also has a lot to do with pride…

    Anyone can make the first move when they feel like it, however, as you guys keep reminding us, men’s biology drives you to spread your semen across a variety of women. An average man is therefore attracted to a larger number of potential sexual partners than an average woman is, which implies that a man is statistically more likely to give it a try. Consequently, women learn to expect men to do so – and when we’re not being hit on, some may be offended, but I suppose most of us conclude the man is simply not interested in us – thus exactly, why bother?

  7. A list of your favorite methods to make a girl you’ve been with for years horny would be greatly appreciated!

    and

    For the most effective method, I guess that would be mental stimulation?? Can you confirm, BD?

    I’ll make a separate article about that.

    Testosterone is key. Libido (sex drive) is very much (although not completely) driven by it. Women have 10 times less and produce 20 to 40 times less T than men.
    This changes everything. There are also pshicologycal and cultural influences but T is the most important one.

    I generally agree.

    In short, women need to be lead towards sex. Sure they can do it on their own at times, but in the majority of cases, it’s up to us as men to do it.

    True.

    Hey BD, this doesn’t relate to this topic but I forgot to ask on the last post.

    That’s off topic here. Go ask that over in the other post. Thanks.

  8. but I suppose most of us conclude the man is simply not interested in us – thus exactly, why bother?

    Which is often not the case, but I guess thats why shy betas dont get laid.

  9. More evidence: men can (and do) go for months or years without sex at all; women seldom do. When they come on heat, they have to have it. As a consequence of this, the way to gain “hand” in your relationships is to deny sex to your woman.

    Alternatively, you could choose to not engage in relationships that are battlefields.

  10. BD, your article is spot on about the difference between men and women with horniness. There are rare cases of women like me, who have a high sex drive, think of sex all the time, and are always ready to have sex. I learned early on that I was definitely a rare exception. Almost all my female friends I ever known, could never understand me and thought I was nuts. I believe women biologically have different sex drives. Also, I believe Testosterone plays a part in the difference. I happen to have higher T levels which may play a part in why I am more horny. I definitely think that society expects women and puts pressure on women to suppress and hide their horniness and desire for sex. It is ridiculous and frustrating. Women are sexual creatures and do enjoy sex. I do think that society’s expectations on them is a major factor on why women behave differently in regards to being horny.

  11. Also, I believe Testosterone plays a part in the difference. I happen to have higher T levels which may play a part in why I am more horny.

    Yes, I definitely know that women with higher T levels are more horny. A (minor) celebrity example would be Lauren Southern. She’s a high-T woman and I’d bet real money she’s horny as hell and has lots of sex.

  12. BD, how do you know or guess that a man or woman is high or low T?
    In this example of Lauren Southern, I looked her up on google. I couldn’t say based on her pictures if she is high or low T, even less so if she is high or low sex drive. That would be a very interesting skill to learn to read thst kind of thing, thus my question.

    Also, could you give a few more examples of high T and low T men?

    I am totally unable to guess these things. At best I can say: this man is more muscular and/or fat than this other man… But while that says volume about their workout and diet habits, I believe (perhaps wrongly) that this says jothing about they Testosterone levels.

    Likewise, I am completely unable to guess hormonal levels in women.

  13. I really love how this blog is not overly polluted with politics and relatively focused, contrary to some other blogs such as Roosh, which then become so boring, and how you seperated these topics and post them to your other blog.

  14. BD, how do you know or guess that a man or woman is high or low T?
    In this example of Lauren Southern, I looked her up on google. I couldn’t say based on her pictures if she is high or low T, even less so if she is high or low sex drive.

    No no no. You have to go watch a bunch of her videos, not look a a picture. Pictures won’t help at all. She has said in videos that she’s thinks she’s high-T because she has a lower, deeper voice, and is really interested in masculine topics such as economics and politics. High T. Women who have more masculine interests, pursuits, and mannerisms are often higher T.

    Also, could you give a few more examples of high T and low T men?

    Low T men are usually timid, low energy, and/or effeminate betas. Very easy to spot. Again though, it has nothing to do with how they look. You have to watch how they act.

    I really love how this blog is not overly polluted with politics and relatively focused, contrary to some other blogs such as Roosh, which then become so boring, and how you seperated these topics and post them to your other blog.

    Yep, that’s exactly why I separated them several years ago.

  15. LibreMax, BD is correct. You can not tell just by looking at us…I look like a normal woman. Our brains are wired different….we are more masculine n our personalitiies, behavior, and interests. However, the amount of women with high T are not alot, so more than likely, you will be dealing with women just like BD talked about in his article. Not many women are always horny and have sex on their minds. For me , it is a struggle alot not to have it on my mind when I am trying to focus in other things. Most women are not horny until their horny….just like he discribed.

  16. A list of your favorite methods to make a girl you’ve been with for years horny would be greatly appreciated!

    If you’re talking about a mono GF or wife, you’re probably SOL. Novelty helps up to a point (traveling, roleplaying [if she’s into that sort of thing], etc) but, if you’re in a long term monogamous relationship, your woman will eventually get completely bored with having sex with you (usually by 3 years; often sooner, but sometimes later). Don’t get me wrong, she will still get horny, it just won’t be for you anymore. The best you can hope for is occasional “wife sex.”

  17. Don’t women have a ‘reactive’ horniness, though/

     

    IE there may be a moment where they are not horny, but if you’re on a date, or fucked her at least once, you can start in on the kino and bedroom eyes etc … and she might be pretty cold at first but then after a while, just incidental stuff here and there, she gets hornier and hornier.

    Women have some kind of attraction switch for ‘being desired’ as well. So really you’re touching her, she wants to keep things out of sex territory for the moment, then you say I love your ass (or calibrate less crass given the situation) … she’ll start getting pretty horny.

  18. Mayrick Dubois, based on what you say it seems my current OLTR is like you when it comes to thinking about sex. She says she thinks about sex several times a day.

    She looks super feminine but she says she was ‘boyish’ during her early teenage.

  19. As a consequence of this, the way to gain “hand” in your relationships is to deny sex to your woman.

    Then she will just sleep with someone else. Remember, girls can get easy with no game. I think a normal so called nice girl will cheat in this case and its often the case, much more than men cheating for the same reason.

  20. Moreover, women have been trained by society their entire lives to hide their horniness.

    Here you reallt disagree with the likes of Rollo Tomassi (and me).

    Society is feminine-imperative driven, and hiding their horniness part of the tactical arsenal females employ to win the sexual competition against males and fulfil their interests. Let’s say, one of their deceptions…

    That’s why even the most liberated and promiscuous female will still conceal her horniness, whenever it suits some interest she as at the moment..

    As for Testosterone <-> sex drive… I have noticed that the most feminine women are as horny as the harridans.

    Seems like the less horny are the averagely feminine.

     

     

  21. BD what about the fact that men horniness level usually drops significantly right after orgasm while a women horniness level can remain high after orgasm? Isn’t that one of the main differences too? Also the fact that it takes a women a lot longer to get to orgasm in most cases?

  22. BD what about the fact that men horniness level usually drops significantly right after orgasm while a women horniness level can remain high after orgasm? Isn’t that one of the main differences too?

    That’s a sexual difference, not a horniness difference. But yes, that’s accurate for most people.

    Also the fact that it takes a women a lot longer to get to orgasm in most cases?

    Yep.

  23. Low T men are usually timid, low energy, and/or effeminate betas. Very easy to spot. Again though, it has nothing to do with how they look. You have to watch how they act.

    There are a couple more traits.

    Low T = More emotional, can’t sit still, moves around a lot when talking and stuff, moves around a lot in general, fidgets a lot.

    High T = Hardly ever emotional, sits still when necessary, is “grounded,” meaning they can sit/stand still, and be solid meaning hard to knock over. If you have high T, your actions are more “necessary” or “decisive” than someone with low T. So if you have high T you don’t fidget and stuff cuz your body knows it isn’t necessary.

    Also you can tell how much T a dude has by how they look as well.

    High T = Shoulders back, chest up and out, eyes are slightly slanted/squinted.

    Low T = Shoulders forward and chest down. Eyes rounded and wide, most who have low T have “deer in headlights” eyes. This means they are timid.

  24. There are a couple more traits.
    Low T = More emotional, can’t sit still, moves around a lot when talking and stuff, moves around a lot in general, fidgets a lot.
    High T = Hardly ever emotional, sits still when necessary, is “grounded,” meaning they can sit/stand still, and be solid meaning hard to knock over. If you have high T, your actions are more “necessary” or “decisive” than someone with low T. So if you have high T you don’t fidget and stuff cuz your body knows it isn’t necessary.
    Also you can tell how much T a dude has by how they look as well.
    High T = Shoulders back, chest up and out, eyes are slightly slanted/squinted.
    Low T = Shoulders forward and chest down. Eyes rounded and wide, most who have low T have “deer in headlights” eyes. This means they are timid.

    Not sure about the eyes thing but shoulders back, chest up thing can definitely be fixed and may not be an indicator of low T.

    Off topic – BD, it would be great if you can elaborate more on female masculinity and femininity for another discussion.

  25. Guys:

    On his mind:  Horny

    His action:  All pervy horny actions on display in sequence.

    Girls:

    On her mind:  Horny

    Her actions:  Her face is repulsed but keeps her hands on the guy.  She has her poker face on but she finds any reason to bend over and hold her pose.  Her face acts all innocent as she is humping the guy in public.

  26. I have often been amused when a woman has had sex with me “as if her very life depended on it” and if the episode is mentioned any time later, it is hotly denied! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    So much ASD.

  27. I have often been amused when a woman has had sex with me “as if her very life depended on it” and if the episode is mentioned any time later, it is hotly denied! :) :) :)

    So much ASD.

    Yes!
  28. Could you do a post sharing your wisdom on the pitfalls of binary thinking, and how it relates to the manosphere (alpha-beta, jerk-niceguy, madonna-whore, liberal-conservative?) Thank you.

  29. “I have often been amused when a woman has had sex with me “as if her very life depended on it” and if the episode is mentioned any time later, it is hotly denied! 🙂 🙂 🙂 ”

    But it usually happens again! ?

  30. You’re not wrong, AL.

    FBs (and others) sometimes get in touch to meet up, saying basically that they’re aching for it. Similarly, sometimes a woman at a party or in the pub conveys the same message. Gratifying when it happens, of course. But to state the obvious, women have a huge advantage here – when they are horny they can let a man know and be fairly certain that they won’t be turned down. And even if they are turned down, it’s very unlikely that the man will feel offended or insulted by the approach, and almost unheard of that he will try to seek some sort of social or legal redress.

  31. Could you do a post sharing your wisdom on the pitfalls of binary thinking, and how it relates to the manosphere (alpha-beta, jerk-niceguy, madonna-whore, liberal-conservative?)

    Already did here.

  32. Hey BD,

    You’ve mentioned Filipinas to be the horniest race, with hispanics being close runnerups.

    In addition to Jewish women being the most sex positive and Japanese women being the most easygoing.

    Could you expand on that idea of the horniest women by race? Like provide a short list of the top contenders after the hispanics, as well as the most prudish ones.

    And are there any other specific cultural traits about other races other than Jewish and Japanese women?

  33. Could you expand on that idea of the horniest women by race? Like provide a short list of the top contenders after the hispanics, as well as the most prudish ones.

    There aren’t enough races to provide you with such a list. Filipinas and Hispanics are the horniest, black women perhaps a few notches below them, then all other races are average or prudish. That’s it.

    I don’t know what the most prudish race is, but my guess would be Indian women born and raised in India.

    And are there any other specific cultural traits about other races other than Jewish and Japanese women?

    Of course, tons.

  34. Very nice article BD.

    Even talking about sex, particularly in a very rich, emotional way can make a woman very horny, which is one of the reasons why I recommend doing this on first and second dates, and why guys like Ross Jeffries built an entire seduction system around that concept.

    Do you include something about how to do this in your books or have you written an article about this? or can you recommend me any specific Ross Jeffries´ book to read?

     

     

  35. Being female, there are a bunch of things that affect female interest in sex.

    – Health — For years I had endometriosis and I had almost no interest in sex.  After I had surgery and my parts were working again, I wanted to drag home the grocery store bag boy.  So if your wife has no interest whatsoever (but she use to be more interested) you might want to ask her to check with her OBGYN and make sure there are no health problems.

    – Physical Safety — If a woman goes with the wrong guy she could get raped, abused and forced to do things she does not want to do.  So women will often pass up on sex if they don’t feel safe.

    — Health Safety — Also, I have noticed a lot of guys are becoming anti-condom, and eventhough I am in an open relationship, I rarely have sex outside of my relationship because I don’t believe men do enough to protect their own health and the health of their partners.  A guy who tells me about his barrier rules, STD test schedule and recent STD on his phone, makes he wet.  The guy who says that he never uses condoms, but he is a swinger, turns me completely off.

    — Culture — If a woman thinks she will be slut shamed, it will make her less willing to engage in casual sex (or more careful to hide her casual sex).  I grew up in the Midwest, but was happy to explore when I went to Europe for a study abroad because no one would know.

    — Relationship — A lot of women prefer sex within the context of a relationship.  Some men also prefer sex within a relationship.  It doesn’t have to be an exclusive relationship, but a lot of women want to feel some kind of connection to the people they have sex with.

    — Male Selfishness — If you have seen a porn film.  The standard script is guy grabs girl by hair, makes her give him a blow job, fucks her in some impossible position and then comes on her face.

    What do the women want?  We are not all the same, but how about some making out and other foreplay like a massage.  Maybe we would like to receive some oral sex.  Only 50% of women can even orgasm from penetrative sex, so where are the fingers and toys?  I like vaginal sex, but I know lots of women that need other stimulation to get them there.

    We aren’t some huge mystery.

    1) Make us feel safe.

    2) Offer us something we enjoy.

    3) Be honest about what you are offering.  If you are just offering a one night stand, we might say yes if that is what we want.

     

  36. I gave my Ex a very small shot of my T and it literally changed her forever.  She had been raped in the past and that made sex difficult.  Once I gave her a shot she became a sex maniac and completely got past her mental block.  After the T wore off she was still a sex maniac and still is til this day.

  37. Be honest about what you are offering.  If you are just offering a one night stand, we might say yes if that is what we want.

    The problem is most women dont know what they want, and direct honest usually makes them angry even though it was a logical thing that could have been expected. I think the trick is to find some balance.

  38. Unless you are talking about a young woman with no experience, a woman knows what she wants.  However, she might not want to say it fearing she will scare off the guy.

    I am old now, I say what I want and if it scares off the guy, I have saved a whole bunch of time.

  39. Unless you are talking about a young woman with no experience, a woman knows what she wants.

    I generally deal with young(ish) women, yes, though some of them have been very experienced and still dont know. Experience doesn’t always correlate with knowing what she wants. Also to clarify, if she thinks she knows what she wants but clearly demonstrates that either those things are not compatible with each other/reality, or the things she want keep changing… I do not consider her as someone who knows what she wants.

    There is also the thing that sometimes she thinks she wants one thing but then it changes when I present her with something she maybe didnt consider. Hence the saying dont listen to what a woman says but look at what she does, as BD says. I generally accept that in many cases they were actually sure they wanted thing A while behaving B.

    I am old now, I say what I want and if it scares off the guy, I have saved a whole bunch of time.

    If you did that earlier wouldn’t it have saved even more time; but I guess everyone has to discover that for themselves. These days I deliberately do things that makes many women disappear, which often feels weird/wrong but I am starting to see how its good for me long term.

  40. I really love how this blog is not overly polluted with politics and relatively focused, contrary to some other blogs such as Roosh, which then become so boring, and how you seperated these topics and post them to your other blog.

  41.  Please send me any info about sex. How to make a woman  happy & also any info. How I can get hard & stay hard.  I have health problems but I want to be able to help keep my girlfriend happy

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