How Hollywood Poisons Your Relationships
One of my recurring themes is how false Societal Programming continually damages your life by filling your subconscious mind with a constant array of sweet-sounding bullshit that compels you to engage in all the wrong decisions and actions for your life; decisions and actions that cause long-term pain and suffering for both you and those around you.
I’ve also talked about how Hollywood is one of the key sources of false Societal Programming, and how it insidiously shapes your opinions regarding everything from sex to politics and economics. Not least of these things is Disney, defined in my glossary thusly:
Disney – Any thought derived from societal programming that monogamy, child rearing, or traditional marriage is pleasant and/or permanent in the modern era. Disney is usually suffered by women, but a certain variation can be suffered by men as well (see: Guy-Disney).
…as well as Guy-Disney, defined as:
Guy-Disney – The incorrect thought men have that somewhere out there is a girl who will love you forever, never cheat on you, never get bored with you, and never break up with you.
I’ve talked about Disney and Guy-Disney to death, but there’s another aspect of Hollywood Societal Programming that is just as damaging, if not more so.
I’m about to summarize the plot of every romance or romantic comedy movie ever made. Here we go:
1. Girl meets Boy.
2. Girl is skinny, quirky, highly intelligent, and pretty but not too pretty; not pretty enough to alienate the women in the audience (she’s “just right”). She is either a Strong Independent Woman Who Doesn’t Need A Man™, or a Nice Girl Who Just Can’t Find The Right Guy™.
3. Boy is either an asshole, a loser, arrogant, creepy, emotionally distant, or severely problematic in some other way. Dangerous Bad Boy™, Cold Distant Businessman™, and Rude Arrogant Insensitive Smartass™ are usually the most common types of Boys that Girls encounters in the Hollywood world.
4. Girl and Boy have immediate conflict and don’t get along. Arguments and problems.
5. Boy softens and starts to like Girl. Girl and Boy have sex, or make out, and/or start dating. Passion and romance.
6. Three-fourths into the movie, a big problem occurs, usually Boy’s fault. Boy and Girl separate. Girl cries. Very sad.
7. At almost the end of the movie, Girl and Boy get back together at the very last minute. Everything is happy; Girl and Boy live happily ever after. (Marriage or living together is usually stated or implied.)
Most of you might be thinking that the problem I’m referring to above is that everything shows how great the girl is and how shitty the boy is. True, that’s a problem, but we men have been portrayed as either assholes, pussies, or retards in movies, TV shows, and commercials for over 20 years now. It sucks, but it’s certainly nothing new, and everyone is aware of it, even women.
What I’m referring to is something much more insidious and effective, since your conscious mind can’t see it, but your subconscious can. It is this:
Hollywood trains you to believe that courting is the hard part and the long-term relationship is the easy part, when in fact the reality is the exact opposite.
Hollywood teaches you that courting a new lover is an absolute nightmare. If he’s man he’ll be a liar, player, jerk, utter beta male pussy, lazy pot smoker, or a total dumbass. If she’s a woman, she’ll be dingy, bitchy, overly emotional, a stalker, or flat-out psychotic during the initial phases of the relationship.
During the initial phases of meeting or dating someone new, according to Hollywood, it’s nothing but pure chaos and emotional ups and downs. It’s one huge problem after the next. Lots of arguments, crying, conflict, and mixed emotions. It’s just terrible.
Then, if you’re able to survive all of this horror, something wonderful happens. You both suddenly love each other, stay with each other in perfect bliss, and everything is wonderful forever. All the work is over, and now you finally get rewarded for all of your suffering. You and your new lover Live Happily Ever After™.
That all sounds familiar because you’ve seen it in movies so many times, but have you actually experienced it in real life?
Highly unlikely. Because the reality is literally the exact opposite.
Once you find someone you like and who at least somewhat likes you, and sexual activity occurs, you don’t have any problems whatsoever. It’s actually the opposite. You have NRE, the honeymoon period. This is the greatest, happiest, most enjoyable part of the relationship. NRE is the most powerful positive emotion a human being can feel. You both make each other feel euphoric. You’re desire for each other is almost like a drug addiction. You never argue because you’re not quite comfortable enough with each other to do that yet, nor do you even want to. The other person is so “wonderful.” Everything is new and exciting.
(There are exceptions to this of course, like when people do one night stands on each other, but I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about something new but ongoing, as demonstrated in these stupid Hollywood movies.)
Then, when you finally settle down into a real relationship (or marriage), NRE ends, as it always does.
Then what happens?
Then the problems start. Arguments. Disagreements. Demands. Drama. Sexual boredom. Cheating. Jealousy.
It used to be great, but now the relationship is work.
The phase that Hollywood tells you is the fun easy part, the “reward,” is actually when the work and sacrifice truly begin. It takes no work to be happy with someone when they’re new and you’re both in NRE. That’s easy. What’s hard is when NRE wears off and you’re still together. It’s even harder if you now live together. It’s even harder again if you have children.
The path Hollywood lays out for you is literally the exact opposite of what actually happens at every phase for most people. This is why you have millions of people, if not billions, who think that “courtship is supposed to be hard” and “relationships and marriage are supposed to be easy.” NO! Courtship is (usually) easy and immensely enjoyable, and most serious, long-term relationships require a great deal of work and bullshit.
Of course, nonmonogamous relationships are far less work and involve far less drama, sacrifice, and time than monogamy and/or monogamous marriage, but even nonmonogamous relationships require a degree of effort to do correctly, particularly in the earlier phases. They also follow the same pattern of dating, NRE courtship, and “relationship.”
As always, the first defense against false Societal Programming is to be aware of it whenever you see it. The next time you see a movie that demonstrates that courtship is a nightmare but long-term relationships or marriage are easy bliss, remember that you’re being fed a line of bullshit designed to make the women in the audience feel an entertaining range of emotions (which is exactly what women crave). You’re not seeing something even remotely accurate to real-world human behavior.