I have to start by saying that I’m not “into” vibrators or sex toys and I don’t really know that much about them. Some of you reading this will have a lot more experience with these things than I do. I’m the kind of guy where, during sex, 99% of my brain shuts off and Grog the Caveman pretty much takes over until I’m done.

However, I do have some experience with vibrators in the context of how they can help you maintain long-term nonmonogamous relationships. Therefore, you should consider this article a very basic, beginners guide to vibrators and how they can help your relationship life.

That’s exactly how I view vibrators or any other sex toy. I don’t use them because I like them. I don’t. Instead, I consider them a tool that is sometimes required with certain types women. This is because, as longtime readers of my material already know, one of the cardinal rules of FB, MLTR, or OLTR relationships is that you must make a woman orgasm every time you have sex unless she’s literally unable to do so. Making her cum every time you have sex confers these benefits:

  • It reduces the amount of drama you’ll receive.
  • It increases attraction on her part due to the pair-bonding chemicals in the brain that are produced when a woman orgasms with a man.
  • It makes it easier for her to put up with you sleeping with other women (because very few other men she’s ever been with actually took the time to make her cum every time they had sex with her; it’s a big deal).
  • It greatly extends the length of the relationship.
  • It greatly increases the odds of her returning to you after a LSNFTE.

Bottom line, making her cum every time you have sex with her is hugely important. If you don’t do this already, start. You’ll be stunned at how well everything else in the relationship becomes.

Sadly, this isn’t always as easy as it sounds. When it comes to orgasms with a man during sex (not when a woman masturbates, but during sex), women break down into four categories:

1. Women who can cum easily, clitorally or vaginally, just by having normal sex with a man and doing literally nothing else. These women are not super common and represent perhaps 10-15% of women. As I’ve written about before, these women usually have higher sex drives and have more sex more often, and with more men.

2. Women who can reliably cum, but only if you do certain things and are somewhat patient, like when you need to go down on her for 10-15 minutes. This represents the vast majority of women out there, perhaps 70% or so.

3. Women who, for whatever reason, have trained their bodies and/or brains to only cum in very weird ways. You can make these women cum, but it takes a lot of effort, and it may require strange sexual positions or techniques with which you aren’t skilled or are uncomfortable. These women are rare, representing perhaps 10% of women at most.

4. Women who simply cannot orgasm no matter what you do (or what she does). This is usually due to some kind of trauma in her past (molestation or rape), an oppressive religious upbringing, recent loss of virginity, or other odd scenario. They represent perhaps 15% of women.

Where vibrators help are with women who fall into categories 3 and 4. Types 1 and 2 don’t need vibrators at all unless you both want to do something fun just to spice things up. But with types 3 and 4, vibrators can be game changers. They can take a woman who is impossible or near-impossible to make cum and turn her into a reliable orgasm machine. This is exactly what I mean by viewing vibrators as tools rather than as fun things (but if you find them fun, please don’t let me stop you and enjoy them).

Therefore, if you ever find yourself in a FB or MLTR relationship with a woman who “can’t” cum or is very difficult to make cum, I strongly suggest you get one of the vibrators listed below and rub that bastard onto her bare clit for a little while. You probably be pleasantly surprised to see how well it works on her.

While I’m no vibrator expert, here is a brief list of vibrators I have used over the last few years to make many of these difficult women “cum” to orgasm. I know they all work. and work well. Some of them are expensive for some budgets, but the good thing is that if you take care of them, you only need to purchase them once, and they will pay dividends for many years in terms of low-drama, long-lasting relationships.

The Hitachi Magic Wand

hitachi magic wand

This bad boy, located here, is the granddaddy of all vibrators. It is the most powerful and effective, and is the easiest to use. If you are a complete beginner with vibrators or sex toys, this is the one I recommend you get first.

It’s a large microphone-looking thing (I like to sing Sinatra songs into it) that has a huge head that vibrates so hard you could probably use it to blast a hole in your drywall. Because of this, it’s important to get the version that comes with a separate unit that has a dial on it (the one in the above link has this). The dial allows you to slowly increase or decrease the vibration. If you don’t get this dial unit, the magic wand comes in just two speeds: blow-your-head-off and nuclear-jackhammer. This will be more than a lot of women’s pussies can handle.

The downsides of the magic wand: it’s large, heavy, and not very portable. It also plugs into the wall (it does not have a battery), so dicking around with the cord during sexual activity is often not very fun. Regardless, it’s still the best there is and these are not big downsides.

The We-Vibe

we-vibe

This alien-looking bastard, located here, is a little difficult to use, but can really blow women away (in a good way) once you get the hang of it, provided they have a decently tough pussy and aren’t unusually tight.

You lube it up and place it inside the woman where it vibrates both inside her and outside, right on her clit. Then you enter her and have sex. This way, it’s vibrating her and you while you have sex. To be honest, it will feel much better for her than it will for you, and it might make you feel a little weird. Regardless, this thing will make her feel so god damn good you’ll have a blast watching her facial expressions and making sounds you’ve never heard her make. I’m serious.

It vibrates in many different speeds and styles, and it has a battery so it’s cordless. It comes with its own cordless charger, which itself uses any USB cable, and it’s fully waterproof for easy cleaning. It also comes with a remote control if you’re into that kind of thing. It’s a very well-made piece of equipment. There are several different types that do crazy shit like tie into an app on your phone, but I don’t recommend that extra crap. Just get the classic model in the link above.

The We-Vibe is not for everyone, but if what I just described sounds like something your women would enjoy, I strongly recommend it.

Vibrating Cock Rings (various types)

vibrating cock rings

Cock rings are an entire industry. There are perhaps hundreds of different types, from the mundane to the really weird. A cock ring is a (usually) cordless vibrating piece of silicone material that slides over your cock, with the bulky part facing upward. When you have sex, it vibrates your cock (a little) and also hits the woman right in her clit, vibrating her as well. As usual, this will feel much better for her than it will for you, but it does vibrate you a little bit, and many men report having an easier time staying hard when they have a tight cock ring on.

The most important thing about cock rings is the shape. Getting a flat cock ring (pictured above on the right) is not a good idea. Instead, you want a cock ring that has a hooded, wedge shape (pictured above on the left). This way, it pushes deeper into her clit and prevents you from having to work too hard. A good one is one right here, but honestly, there are tons of these things and I’m sure many of them are fine. Cruise around on Amazon and you’ll see what I mean.

Mini-Vibrators (or “Bullets”)

bullet

A bullet used to be a small vibrating bean that you could place into a larger silicone vibrator to make the whole thing vibrate. This is now morphed into bigger bullets being used as full-on vibrators. Despite their small size, they vibrate very hard, much harder than you’d expect when you look at one or hold it in your hand. They are small, portable, cordless, and rechargeable. The best one I’ve seen so far is this one right here, but there are many others.

What About Dildos?

In my opinion, and this is just my opinion, dildos are something a woman does to herself when a man isn’t around. When there’s a naked man in her bed, she doesn’t need a dildo (vibrating or otherwise) because she has a cock right there. Therefore, I have never purchased a dildo, nor ever used one during sex, nor ever will. I already have a dick. Your dick + any of the vibrators above should be more than enough. Of course, if you and your lover(s) enjoy using dildos during sex, then go right ahead. You’ll just have to look for dildo advice elsewhere.

Questions and Answers

Here are some questions I’ve received about vibrators in the past:

Do you use the same vibrators on different women?

Of course I do. Vibrators cost money and I’m not buying one for every MLTR or FB I have. Fuck that.

Make very sure you wash them very thoroughly with lots of soap and very warm water right after every usage, and then make sure they are 100% dry. Some vibrators can be washed with alcohol as well; do this if that’s an option. If you (or her) are really paranoid, you can cover the vibrator with a plastic bag (not ideal, but will work) or dental dam (best, but costs more money) during usage.

Yes, some women will complain about a vibrator she thinks may have been used on another woman, but if your frame is strong, you won’t have a problem (I never have.) Once you’re vibrating the hell out of her clit, trust me, she won’t complain about it ever again. If you have an OLTR or high-end MLTR, it’s a good idea to get her “her own” vibrator(s) that you only use on her, but for FB‘s and normal MLTR‘s don’t worry about it.

I’ve heard that if you always make a woman cum with a vibrator, it makes it harder or impossible for her to cum any other way.

I’ve heard this as well, but I’ve never experienced it. I’ve seen women cum a million times with a vibrator (or masturbate regularly with one) and yet, they can still cum using all the “normal” ways just fine. I’m not saying this is a false rumor, I’m just saying I’ve never seen it.

And ideally, yes, you want to make women cum various different ways, not just with a vibrator forever. Again, a vibrator is simply a back-up tool if the usual methods of making her cum (with your cock, your finger, or your tongue) don’t work.

If she can cum the normal ways, do you use vibrators anyway?

Some men do, but I don’t. As I said above, they’re just not something I’m into. If you like them, go ahead. (I’ve noticed that lots of monogamous people use them because they usually need something to spice up their boring sex lives, but the Alpha Male 2.0 will obviously never have this problem.)

How long do they last?

I’ve never had a vibrator just stop working from old age, so they’ll go for a very long time. However, once I had a Hitachi magic wand die because when I washed the damn thing, I got water inside the electronics. Some vibrators are waterproof, and some are not (the magic wand is not, sadly), so when washing the non-waterproof ones, you’ve got to be really careful.

Isn’t using a vibrator a little beta? I mean, doesn’t it harm your frame or your EFA if you have to use a vibrator to make a woman cum?

If you’re using a vibrator because you have no fucking idea know how to make a woman cum with your cock / fingers / tongue, then yes, it’s somewhat beta, but that’s not what I’m recommending. Get some David Shade books and learn how to make a woman cum. If none of those techniques work because she’s in category 3 or 4 above, then, and only then, use a vibrator. I consider a vibrator a last resort only if my usual “normal” techniques don’t work (and they usually do).

Once you’re at that point, if she has trouble cumming the usual ways with you, she probably can’t cum with other men either. Your willingness to make her cum not only not damages your frame, but makes you one of the most desirable men in her entire sexual history, as well as conferring all the other benefits I listed above when you make a woman cum every time you have sex. Trust me; she’ll fuckin’ love you.

Happy vibrating!

Category: Sex

41 Comments on “A Beginner’s Guide To Vibrators

  1. Ohhhhh SHIT! Is he really going there?!!

    Yesss!!! He’s really going there, Man!
    Finally, a somewhat vibrating subject today, and everyone is going to get vibrated.

    Let’s see how the other commenters handle it. Let’s vibrating together 🙂

  2. Can you recommend any books on how to get good at sex aside from David Shade’s books?

  3.  

    This is because, as longtime readers of my material already know, one of the cardinal rules of FBMLTR, or OLTR relationships is that you must make a woman orgasm every time you have sex unless she’s literally unable to do so.

    I would consider myself a more difficult #2 woman as listed above. I can acheive orgasm, but it takes serious work on his part, and patience. Is it really realistic in an OLTR situation to expect him to try to give me an orgasm every time? As it is, he usually carves the time and effort out every 2-3 times we have decent sex (e.i, not quickies)

  4. Cherie, I was thinking the same thing. My gf and I are both high sex drive and have a lot of sex, on the weekends often 2-3 times a day. She’s a category 2 and sometimes knows it’s going to take her a while to orgasm or simply, she had one the same day and feels satisfied. At those times she tells me, that’s OK. She still wants to have sex but not really to orgasm. This seems to violate the “every time” rule. Is it odd that she wouldn’t want to orgam every time? For a man, it’s a silly question but for a woman, it seems to be more common.

  5. Harry,

    I too often feel that way. Women take MUCH more mental and emotional energy just to get into the right state to be able to reach orgasm. I may want the physical sensation of sex, but not feel like putting in the effort on my end as well to try to reach that point every time. I think as women, a lot of times it is not just the physical release, it is the closeness and emotional connection we get from sex that we crave. And, of course, it’s highly pleasurable, orgasm or not lol!

  6. Instead of the magic wand with a dimmer attached (which isn’t a real one) get the battery powered magic wand. They have a wireless one now, it costs a little more but has speed settings and pattern settings.

    Also, if you want to save on cleanup time and effort, throw a condom on the sucker and trash it when you’re done. I’ve *never* had a chick complain about it being used on another chick when she sees me put a fresh condom on the part that’s touching her.

  7. What do you do when an MLTR or FB says: I’m not going to use that because you may be using it with other women.

  8.  
    I can tell you that many women would not be happy sharing a vibrator with other women, especially if the woman is an OLTR/Girlfriend sharing a vibrator with her boyfriend’s FBs. Since FBs come and go and new ones come in, my suggestion is to have a separate one for any OLTR.
     
    As far as the big “O,” it’s my opinion that women don’t necessarily have to orgasm every time if she decides she doesn’t want to. I do believe that an attempt should be made, however, if the woman decides she would rather enjoy the closeness and emotional connection instead that’s great too. I agree with Cherie86, that just the closeness you get during sex is often enjoyable enough to skip the effort of having an orgasm for many women.
     
    That being said, having an orgasm of course is wonderful. Vibrators are amazing for many women due to the fact sex alone doesn’t always do the trick. I have read that women are not really constructed to have an orgasm from intercourse alone. The clitoris is where all the nerve endings are except for the cervix, and there are almost none in the barrel of the vagina. The clitoris actually has eight times the amount of nerve endings you’ll find in the head of the penis, which should tell you just how important it is.
     
    With run-of-the-mill penetration, many women probably don’t get a whole lot of clitoral contact. There are many stats that show that women who have a shorter distance between their clitoris and their urethra were more likely to orgasm during intercourse (so if a woman is not built that way, it might make it harder to come during sex). More stats found that women with anorgasmia (an inability to orgasm) tended to have smaller clitorises. So basically, the unique geography down there can make a huge difference, which is why vibrators are quite the wonderful invention. It can deliver an orgasm much quicker, and often times, the orgasm from a vibrator is way more powerful. There’s a huge payoff for very minimal effort.

     

  9. I read that deep spot in the end of vagina next to fornix (aka anterior and posterior fornix zones) give the strongest orgasms for women, and dont get too sensitive to touch like clitoris. It definitely induces more lubrication if stimulated

  10. Can you recommend any books on how to get good at sex aside from David Shade’s books?

    There’s a big one on Amazon that a lot of guys like but I forget the name at the moment (sex god something?). Maybe some other commenter can come up with it.

    Is it really realistic in an OLTR situation to expect him to try to give me an orgasm every time?

    Sure, but like Pink Firefly already said, sometimes you may not want or need him to make the effort, which is perfectly fine.

    As it is, he usually carves the time and effort out every 2-3 times we have decent sex (e.i, not quickies).

    In my view that’s not quite often enough. I would advise him to attempt it 60-70% of the time at least, unless you refused.

    Again, in an OLTR situation where you’re having a lot of sex, it’s more about how often he clearly attempts it than how often it actually happens. FB‘s and MLTR‘s are different because you’re not having sex nearly as often.

    if you want to save on cleanup time and effort, throw a condom on the sucker and trash it when you’re done.

    Good idea. I forgot about that.

    What do you do when an MLTR or FB says: I’m not going to use that because you may be using it with other women.

    “I wash this thoroughly, with lots of soap, every time. It’s not a big deal. Here, let me know show you…”

    I agree with Cherie86, that just the closeness you get during sex is often enjoyable enough to skip the effort of having an orgasm for many women.

    Yep, in an OLTR the sexual dynamic is a little different. Again, as long as the guy offers / makes an effort.

    I have read that women are not really constructed to have an orgasm from intercourse alone. The clitoris is where all the nerve endings are except for the cervix, and there are almost none in the barrel of the vagina. The clitoris actually has eight times the amount of nerve endings you’ll find in the head of the penis, which should tell you just how important it is.

    Exactly. God completely fucked up the design of the pussy. Not sure what the hell he was thinking. He should have put the clit just inside the vagina, on the bottom, where it it would get maximum friction from a cock. Putting it way on the outside like that was dumb as shit; total design flaw.

  11. The best way to overcome the ‘you’ve used this vibrator on different girls’ is to put a condom over it, and tell her it’s like your dick. ‘I put that condom over that, keep it clean, and use it on other women too, so what’s the difference?’

  12. The best way to overcome the ‘you’ve used this vibrator on different girls’ is to put a condom over it, and tell her it’s like your dick. ‘I put that condom over that, keep it clean, and use it on other women too, so what’s the difference?’

    That’s logic and thus often doesn’t work. Logic doesn’t work well on women, but a strong frame usually does.

  13. And it also helps to produce the vibrator from some clean-looking box, wrapped in tissue, and otherwise showing that the sanitary aspect is taken care of.

  14. @RandomJin
    The name of the book BD is talking about is “The Sex God Method”, by Daniel Rose. Pretty good stuff actually.

  15. I bought a vibrator for a girlfriend’s birthday, and she was laughing so hard. She loved it, but it was just so unusual; not something her family would give her for her birthday. We had fun with it. Actually it was a dildo-shaped vibrator, but we used it on her only as a vibrator. From what I have seen most women don’t like having dildos inside them, they only want the vibrator effect against their clitoris.

  16. … one of the cardinal rules of FBMLTR, or OLTR relationships is that you must make a woman orgasm every time you have sex unless she’s literally unable to do so. 

    While I think this is essentially very good advice, I have learned to take the wishes of the woman into account too. I used to feel bad if the woman I was with didn’t orgasm, but I have found that there are women for whom an orgasm is not vital to their enjoyment – or rather it is not vital to them that they have an orgasm each time. For example, one of my current FBs, who I hook up with usually about once a week and who I would probably rate as a 2.5 on BD’s scale above, is often happy not to orgasm. She says she finds the sex very enjoyable and deeply satisfying even without reaching orgasm. But every two or three times we meet she tells me that she wants an orgasm this time, and she achieves it, but it takes some work from me and also from her. Many times we fuck twice, and she never seems to want an orgasm on the second round, whether she’s just had one or not.

    Some other women I have found are broadly similar in this respect. I guess I’ve learned not to project my own desire to bring my partner to orgasm on to my partner herself, who might not want that. (Most women do, but not all.) Talking and asking what she wants, assuming it’s someone you have sex with at all regularly, is helpful here.

    More on topic, I can vouch for the effect of the we-vibe device (and similar items): for women who like it, they really like it. It gets me off just watching them, although it does feel a bit odd for me.

    For more regular-shaped vibrators, just cover them with a condom, which is obviously thrown away after use.

  17. @ Randjomin try “Red Pill Orgasim” by Mario Favela

    @BlackDragon I believe you were refering to “Sex God Method” by Daniel Rose – hard to get a hold of – look for the pdf online if you can

  18. I had one girl who was hard to bring to orgasm and who said she didn’t really need it. She seemed sincere, though in cases where I persisted and did work to make her cum, she loved that. Thus I try to err on the side of going for it.

  19. For example, one of my current FBs, who I hook up with usually about once a week and who I would probably rate as a 2.5 on BD’s scale above, is often happy not to orgasm. She says she finds the sex very enjoyable and deeply satisfying even without reaching orgasm.

    You don’t know that for sure. You might be right and you might be wrong. But regardless, once you have an ongoing pattern of this kind of thing and she’s cumming a lot, then it’s probably fine.

    But every two or three times we meet she tells me that she wants an orgasm this time, and she achieves it,

    There you go. Every two or three times is probably okay with her. Maybe. There’s no way to know for sure.

    but it takes some work from me and also from her.

    Not relevant. You need to get it done. So does she.

    Many times we fuck twice, and she never seems to want an orgasm on the second round, whether she’s just had one or not.

    That’s different. Lots of women don’t like cumming multiple times in one session; that’s purely optional.

    What I’m warning against is falling into the typical guy habit of not bothering to make a woman cum at all, or cum “by accident” every once in a while. That won’t cut it. If you’re making a woman cum often but not necessarily every time, and all indications point to her being happy with that, that’s okay, but never let it drop below that.

  20. I had one girl who was hard to bring to orgasm and who said she didn’t really need it. She seemed sincere, though in cases where I persisted and did work to make her cum, she loved that. Thus I try to err on the side of going for it.

    EXACTLY.

    Ignore what a woman SAYS and only pay attention to what she DOES. I don’t care what a woman SAYS about cumming. I bring her to orgasm anyway and watch what happens instead.

  21. A question for Pink Firefly…..

    Given how much vibrators can enhance the sexual experience for a woman, which vibrator would you recommend a man use when he is using it for the first time with a woman?

  22. A question for Pink Firefly…..

    Given how much vibrators can enhance the sexual experience for a woman, which vibrator would you recommend a man use when he is using it for the first time with a woman?

    I would recommend either a Rabbit vibrator or the one BD suggested, the Hitachi Magic Wand. The Rabbit vibrators have stimulating bunny ears that will send most women in to orgasmic bliss and there are many versions of the Rabbit vibrator that you can choose from. The downside to this vibrator though, is that its battery operated and requires new batteries often. If you don’t plan to use it very often, then the battery life would probably not be a problem. It’s a benefit though not to have to deal with a cord and it’s also waterproof. The Hitachi Magic Wand is awesome but you would need to purchase the version that comes with a separate unit that has a dial on it so you can change the speed of the vibration. Trust me on this, you definitely want to purchase the dial, the main vibration is pretty strong and powerful! This vibrator will pretty much rock any woman’s world due to the very slow to very strong speeds you can get. The only downside to this vibrator is how big and bulky it is and you have to deal with a cord. The benefits definitely outweigh the negatives though due to how powerful it is.  If a woman cannot orgasm with the Hitachi, I would be very surprised!
     

  23. @O

    I’m not pink firefly, but I’ll say it again: get the cordless hitachi magic wand. It’s the stock photo BD used for this article and it’s excellent. Uses lion batteries so you just plug it in to charge it, no cord to get in the way, and it has a few patterns/speeds to pick from.

  24. BD, very accurate article and I agree 100%. Your correct about women being different on orgasms. It depends on the woman and it does take us usually alittle while to get there. It does seem to be take more of a mental and emotional focus for us to get there. Sex in general seems to have a more mental and emotional component to it for women. I agree that women will LOVE if you put in the effort and make her orgasm every time or almost every time. She will LOVE having sex with you, if you follow that advice. Men that think that way are not that many, so you will be very much sought after for your skills and abilities! Vibrators are awesome and definately a woman`s best friend!

  25. I looked at the Hitachi Magic Wand, that you can recharge, but it’s only good if you live in the US. If you live overseas in Australia for example, you’d be wasting your money buying it online from a US seller, as we go on a different electric voltage system to the US, so it won’t work.

  26. @Pink Firefly

     

    Great feedback.  I think I’ll try both.

     

    A follow-up question is on the timing of using the vibrator.  Is the best time to use a vibrator right at the beginning? (i.e. after foreplay).

  27. I just purchased “The Secrets of Female Sexuality: Be the Masterful Lover Women Crave” by Shade because it was the only book for sale on Amazon. Frankly, it’s total shit. I returned it and see now that he privately sells a host of other titles. Could you please specifically recommend the titles you have found to be most useful?

    Oddly, when I lived in the US, and prior to finding your system, I always got tremendous sexual feedback from women and was able to give regular orgasms to at least 8 out of 10 women. But now here in China, with lots more experience under the belt, I’m running into a strange phenomenon. Girls who have no trouble orgasming on their own, but just can’t do it with me. Including using vibrators. I’ve even had them bring their own vibrators over, which they normally use at home, and they still can’t do it. Even with lots of oral sex and fucking. Now the numbers are flipped on their head and I’d say it’s more like 80% can’t cum and 20% can.

    I still get tremendous feedback and almost all of them say they are addicted to the sex with me, wearing me out with hours of sex when they come over, they can’t seem to get enough. And yet, no orgasms, no matter how long I go down on them or how long we use the vibrator for. Including girls with super high sex drives who report to me that they masturbate and cum daily on their own.

    Any recommendations?

  28. Could you please specifically recommend the titles you have found to be most useful?

    The last time I read one of his books was a very long time ago, around 2009. I don’t recall the exact name but I’ll poke through my old archives when I get a little time and see if I can find it. I find it odd that his new book is “total shit,” but I suppose it’s possible. His old stuff was fantastic and helped me out a lot.

    here in China, with lots more experience under the belt, I’m running into a strange phenomenon

    My experience with having sex with Chinese women living in China is pretty limited. I’ve done it, but I don’t find Chinese women very attractive so I haven’t done very much of it. Perhaps someone else here who has more experience with native Chinese women can chime in.

  29. @ O

    I believe the best time to use a vibrator is right after foreplay. It’s the best time when a woman is all warmed up and ready for action. You could even skip foreplay and go right to the vibrator if you wanted, as I doubt many women would say no to going right to the source. Though, with this option you may need to put a little lubricant on the vibrator first. For a woman who does not orgasm during sex another option would be to use a vibrator instead, right after sex. This is a favorite of mine and a good option because a woman at that point is already warmed up and ready to go. If you are using a vibrator with a woman you have not been with before, I would suggest choosing the first option since you are most likely not familiar yet with what she likes.

  30. The book I referenced above is quite large, and honestly I did my best to skim it for useful information and consider myself extremely good at this, but the book is basically unreadable. It’s 50% e-mail excerpts which have been chosen either to serve as testimonials for his other works or otherwise bolster his image as an authority. It seemed more like a sales pitch, and I found it difficult to the degree of pointlessness trying to find anywhere that he actually provides any information. The chapters aren’t labelled by content either which makes it even harder. (simply 1-20 or something)

     

    While I guess the women being Chinese probably does have something to do with the issue, since it has coincided with my being here, I was hoping you might have some experience with this situation in general (she can cum alone but not with you, or at least has a really hard time when with you, in spite of using any means including her own toys).

  31. @Pink Firefly

    Thanks for the great advice.  I’m looking forward to taking things to the next level by bringing vibrators into the bedroom.

    A related question.  After I’ve had sex a few times with a woman in one evening and am still ready to go, women are telling me they are sensitive down there.  Both of these are from new MLTRs.  Should I slow down the love making?

  32. BD, which book in particular would you recommend for making a woman cum? Anything that has not just theory but practical elements is good.

  33. I have run into similar situations with women who have been masturbating since a very young age. They know exactly what works physically, they can conjur up any fantasy that works for them, and they can stay in their heads (the emotional/fantasy headspace they are used to for orgasm) because they are alone. For these women it’s a habit, reinforced over years and years. If I do all my usual methods and she still doesn’t cum, often I will ask her how she masturbates, and to show me. I play this off as a foreplay/kinky thing, but it’s very educational. Knowing how a woman pleases herself gives me a much more accurate starting point.

    I have also come across women who use vibrators all day, every day. They are also creating a habit from repetition. The last one was very into some fun kinky stuff, so I played the master/sub game and told her to bring me ALL her vibrators so I could confiscate them. She must ask for permission to cum at all times (unless she is with someone else), and is not allowed to use any vibrator. She now has an orgasm EVERY time we see each other, most of the time two.

    I’m not saying all of this to brag, just to show that every woman is different and you become very attractive if you take the time to learn their bodies and unique requirements for orgasm.

  34. I really appreciate B’s approach.

    My two 2 (female) cents: When I have a man in bed, I want his penis. I can bring myself to a clitoridal orgasm within max a couple mins anytime I want. It’s no big deal. I need clitoridal orgasms (next to vaginal ones) but I can achieve them by myself.

    I also need vaginal orgasms though – badly. I’m a much happier person if I get a regular vaginal orgasm fix 🙂 And for that I need a living man’s penis. A vibrator’s like first aid for me, when there’s no man around (or should the man have erection issues), but only a man who fucks me well can truly heal me.

     

  35. BD, which book in particular would you recommend for making a woman cum? Anything that has not just theory but practical elements is good.

    Read the comments above yours.

  36. Vibrators are very important, especially for pick-up. It would seem like an effective strategy for around nine out of ten pick-ups on average to include using a vibrator. Using a vibrator decreases LMR and increases arousal. Some say to just take your cock out (and that’s fine), but it can be an even better strategy to take a vibrator out first. In an initial pick-up a vibrator can be used during foreplay but it shouldn’t be continued to her orgasm right then, the vibrator can continued to be used during sex on and off, then right before or just after the males orgasm is when it is better to then use the vibrator continuously on the clitoris to bring the female to orgasm with the vibrator.

    Bullets and Rings are good for foreplay and during but some may not be strong enough to finish with. Doc J…..n Pocket Rocket types and wands tend to get good reviews for getting the job done, but probably almost any vibrator can be used. It’s wise for a pick-up master to have a collection of many vibrators to select from.

  37. BD: You encouraged in one post to work her clit with the tongue until she cums. Is licking/sucking totally safe? When it’s wet down there can you safely continue while getting some fluids?

  38. BD: You encouraged in one post to work her clit with the tongue until she cums.

    Yes.

    Is licking/sucking totally safe? When it’s wet down there can you safely continue while getting some fluids?

    With someone you’re already in an ongoing relationship with, yes, within the 2% Rule.

    With someone brand new, it’s more or less okay but your risks are a little higher. Feel free to use your finger or a vibrator on new women the first few times to make them cum, then switch to tongue later once you know them better.

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