How To Adjust “On The Fly” on First and Second Dates
In most areas of life, you have direct feedback to tell you exactly how well or poorly you’re doing. In sports, the scoreboard or your coach will tell you, quite quickly, whether or not you’re doing the correct thing. In business, your most recent profit and loss statement can tell you if you’re on the right path.
Receiving this feedback makes it easy to quickly adjust “on the fly” so that you can get the results you want. Tony Robbins talks about how long flights are off course 98% of the time. It’s the job of the pilot and the plane’s computer systems to make the necessary adjustments, based on the feedback data, to get your plane to where it needs to go.
The problem is that often, on a first or second date before you’ve had sex with a woman, you don’t get this kind of feedback. As I’ve talked about before, Societal Programming trains most women to be very nice and polite on a first date. Even if she’s completely repulsed by you, she’s likely going to behave sweetly (though of course there are always exceptions).
On first and second dates, it’s usually men who display all their dirty laundry; women are much better at putting on a happy face and hiding their problems and psychoses until several weeks into the relationship, when they then spring on you once they’re “comfortable.”
In some ways, this is a good thing; it makes most first dates a calm and even pleasurable experience for most men (whereas women tend to dread them). The problem is that lack of feedback. You could have just said something that turned you from a “maybe” to a “no” in her mind, yet all you get is a kind smile. True, there are those women who will clearly react with disgust when you do something wrong (like some Dominants and some women over age 33), but these are in the minority.
How can you be successful in getting to sex quickly if you have no means of seeing how well or poorly you’re doing on that all-important first date (and sometimes second date too)?
Here are a few ways.
1. Watch her body language very carefully.
Women can pretend to be nice all they want, but many, if not most women, won’t be able to hide subtle cues in their body language which may indicate attraction or anger/disgust. Here are a few things that can indicate you just said or did something that pissed her off:
– Sudden dilation or widening of her eyes.
– Quick, momentary squint of her eyes.
– Instant break of eye contact, particularly if she looks down and to the side.
– An embarrassed smile, particularly if she looks away while smiling and/or if she exhales during the smile. A lot of women smile when they’re embarrassed, surprised, or suddenly pissed off; far more than you might expect.
– Any sudden shift in body language that moves away from you. For example, if she was slightly leaning forward and then straightens or leans back.
– Any sudden change in her breathing. This is a lot harder to notice, but it’s noticeable if you make a mental note of her breathing during the beginning of the interaction.
2. Pay attention to her speaking pattern, and watch for changes.
This is usually easier than watching for body language. A common example is if she’s talking to you like a normal person, then suddenly she starts answering questions in short, quick sentences, usually with a slightly lower tone of voice. If this happens, you likely just screwed up and need to recover (if possible, and it may not be).
3. Watch for any signs of boredom.
If she starts to look nervous, or looks around the room, or gives you long silences, or checks her phone too much, these are all signs that you’re losing her and need to step up the interaction by getting off stupid/boring topics and asking her more interesting questions.
4. Ask her after she dumps you.
This is a technique I talked about several years ago that I’ve used a few times. It sounds very beta, but it won’t harm your results at all and will often give you insight into what you’re doing wrong on dates that you would not learn any other way.
When you’re trying to schedule another date with a woman (after the first date) and she clearly sends you a text saying that she either doesn’t want to see you again or that “we should just be friends,” send her a text and ask her if there was something you did or said that turned you from a maybe to a no. Be honest and tell her you’re trying to be a better person. Then listen to what she says.
Yes, I know this sounds beta as fuck, and technically it is, but A) she isn’t going to fuck you anyway, so you lose nothing, and B) you’re never going to see her again, so who cares what she thinks?
Seriously, I did this several times and I got a lot of good info from it. A lot of women will keep up the “nice” pretense and give you some bullshit about how you’re “not her type” or whatever, but some women will actually give you a specific answer that will help greatly with future women. For example, one woman told me that I was fine until I made a joke about AIDS, a joke I thought was harmless. She had a gay friend who had it, so it pissed her off. So from that day forward, I made a mental note to never joke about any STD’s on date pre-sex.
Another woman told me she thought I was attractive, but she smelled female perfume on me, marking me as a guy who “was probably married.” Sure enough, I had just come from an MLTR’s house right before the first date, and I indeed probably had some of her perfume on me. So I added another step in my first/second date prep procedure to make damn sure no one could smell any perfume on me, and if I/they could, take a quick shower and change clothes before the date.
The point is I would never have gleaned this information any other way. It really did help.
5. Always be putting in the numbers so you don’t have to worry about this crap.
As always, you need to be going on MANY first dates and MANY second dates and be having sex with MULTIPLE women. The reasons for this are numerous, much of which I’ve already described at this blog and in my books. Yet another reason is that there are indeed some women who are really good actors, and will give you zero feedback when you screw up. You’ll do or say something on a first date that turns you to a “no,” and they’ll keep their body language and speech patterns just the same, polite and eager, until you text them the next day and they ignore your contact.
The only way to combat this is to PUT IN THE NUMBERS. Going on one or two first dates every once in a while isn’t going to cut it. Unless you’re already at an advanced level of dating skill, whenever you’re in sarging mode you must be scheduling LOTS of dates. That way, one or two screw-ups won’t harm you.