Advocating Serial Monogamy for Men?
The Alpha Male 2.0 lifestyle is the best (or should I say least-bad?) lifestyle in terms of long-term and consistent happiness for the modern man living in today’s fallen world (“consistent” meaning as consistent as realistically possible). In the years I have been advocating and debated this lifestyle with literally hundreds of people, not one has yet shown me a better system for a man that will make him happy over the long-term, as in decades of his life, unless that man is an usual exception to the rule (for example, if he has a very submissive personalty and/or a very low sex drive).
If long-term happiness is your top priority as a man, the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle is what you want. If you instead pursue lifestyles pushed by women, beta males, or Alpha Male 1.0’s, you will not be as happy long-term as men like me, as I illustrated here.
This is not in question and again, I have seen no compelling evidence to the contrary despite debating this topic with many people over many years.
However! Things get a little complicated when you don’t consider your long-term happiness as your top priority. This, indeed, is where the conversations shifts and I could then be considered “wrong” when pushing this lifestyle.
Enter serial monogamy.
As always, we need to get our definitions straight. Per my glossary, I define serial monogamy thusly:
Serial Monogamy – A constant succession of monogamous partners, one after the next. This system is almost always initiated by women. Usually, no one partner lasts longer than about three years. Generally speaking, the younger the woman, the faster she switches partners. Serial monogamy is the secret, preferred biological method of pair bonding for women under the age of 50. (Polygamy being the biological default for men.)
Serial monogamy is a type of monogamy where you are monogamous to one person for a while, then switch partners and are monogamous with the next person. These relationships can last anywhere from two months to several years. (If the relationship lasts less than two months, then I don’t consider you having a serial monogamous “relationship.” You’re just someone who happened to not have sex with someone else for a while.)
To be very clear, while serial monogamy is monogamy, it is not long-term monogamy or Disney monogamy that I rail against so often, which I define thusly:
Disney Monogamy – Any monogamy that is expected to last longer than three years with no breakup, divorce, cheating, or long-term boredom, ever, by either party. Disney monogamy is often expected in relationships and marriages, even though it rarely actually occurs in the modern era; serial monogamy, polyamory, or open relationships being more viable options.
The answer is, it depends. There are some things you need to know about serial monogamy before you pursue this as a lifestyle.
Serial Monogamy Is a Feminine System
The first thing you’ll have to understand is that serial monogamy is not a masculine system. If you accept this lifestyle, realize that you are entering into a system that was never designed or you. I’ll prove it several ways.
As stated in the definition, serial monogamy is the biological default for women. Fuck one guy, just this one guy, and don’t let him fuck anyone else… until I get bored with him and dump him. Then I’ll find a new guy, just fuck him, and make sure he doesn’t fuck anyone else, until I get bored with him. And so on.
The stats, the science, and the biology all point to this. This is how women were designed 200,000 years ago, and they aren’t changing any time soon. Most women love serial monogamy. They get both the boyfriend experience and societal accolades they crave and the NRE and exciting newness of a new lover any time they want. It’s an absolute win/win for them.
Read this article here about how women really feel about serial monogamy. It’s one of the most eye-opening things you’ll ever read about how disposable women know you are.
Is serial monogamy what men really want? No. Men’s biological default is polygamy. I’m going to fuck you and I’m going to fuck other women, but you can’t fuck other men, and don’t ever leave me, or I’ll fucking kill you and kill him (in the case of the Alpha Male 1.0) or I’ll cry and be depressed for six months (in the case of the beta male).
That’s what most men really want, at a deep biological level, even if they don’t like to admit it. Of course, in today’s left-wing society, polygamy (a male system) is not accepted and considered barbaric, and serial monogamy (a female system) is widely accepted and even encouraged. Such is Societal Programming, and that’s a discussion for another time.
So, men choose other options, like Disney monogamy (though with cheating of course), open relationships, being a player, eschewing women completely and being a MGTOW, or whatever. But serial monogamy? Chosen by a man? No.
I’ll show you what I mean.
In discussing and debating the issue of relationships with hundreds of men over the years, I have had numerous men defend Disney monogamy, numerous men defend MGTOW, numerous men defend FBs/MLTRs, numerous men defend OLTRs and OLTR marriages, and numerous men defend other nonmonogamous marriages/relationships like swinging. I’m talking lots of men defending all of these types of relationships to me.
Do you know how many men have defended serial monogamy to me?
That’s right. Three. In almost ten years, I’ve had three guys who said, with a straight face, that serial monogamy was a good idea for a man and that men should do it. One guy was on a pickup forum years ago. Another was a guy who used to comment on this blog a few years ago, and one more guy defended it in the comments in a recent post I made.
Three guys. That’s got to tell you something, folks.
Serial monogamy is not a male system. Even Disney monogamy could be considered male, but not serial monogamy.
Be sure you understand that.
When Happiness Is Not Your Goal
So does serial monogamy “work” for a man? What if you say to me:
“Look BD, I realize marriage doesn’t work anymore and is a shit deal for a man, but all this open relationship stuff is too much work and I can’t stand it if a woman I’m having sex with fucks another guy. I’ll shoot myself in the face if this happens. So fuck it, I’m going to do serial monogamy. I’ll just get monogamous, and I won’t plan on the relationship lasting forever. I’ll just dump her if she pisses me off and get a new girlfriend after her.”
Are you right, or are you wrong?
It depends on one key factor: how important your long-term happiness is to you. Remember I said long-term happiness, not happiness, because there’s a big difference.
If your long-term happiness is your top priority in life, as it is mine, then yes, you are wrong, and you’re making a huge life mistake. By engaging in this lifestyle, you will experience happiness mixed with frequent problems and unhappiness, due to things like:
1. Drama, since monogamy (serial or not) encourages drama from a woman, and since she knows she’s got her hooks into you and you can’t just go fuck someone else. Too much comfort equal drama, and monogamy makes women very comfortable.
2. Oneitis, since monogamy (serial or not) is conducive towards a scarcity mentality (“She is my only source of sex. She is my only source of companionship.”) which eventually creates oneitis, including (and sometimes especially) if you are an Alpha Male 1.0.
3. Lack of sex, since the sex will decline sharply once NRE is over.
4. Pain whenever a relationship ends. Your fantasy will be that you are going to dump her when you get tired of her, and maybe you will. Usually though, you won’t. You’ll put up with her crap (for the reasons above) and she will likely dump you when you don’t want it to happen. Remember that 75% of all boyfriend/girlfriend relationships and 70-80% of all marriages are terminated by the female.
“That won’t happen to me BD! I’m Alpha!” Yeah, it might not, but how do you know? I see Alpha 1.0’s get dumped all the time. And you’re going to have lots of these relationships. Are you going to dump her before she dumps you (or cheats on you) every single time? You and I both know the answer. Most men in serial monogamous relationships are just waiting around to get cheated on, betrayed, or dumped, and when they don’t want it to happen and/or aren’t planning on it.
5. Sexual frustration, since you won’t be allowed to fuck other women and you’ll want to. (And please, for Christ’s sake, don’t lie to me and tell me you won’t want to. Stop lying to me, and more importantly, to yourself.) Look at all those hot girls you’re not allowed to touch. Does that make you happy, tough guy?
“No problem, BD! I’ll just cheat!” Ah yes, cheating…
6. Cheating, on your part. Spending the rest of your life being a liar, sneaking around, living like a little snake, not being who you really are, being terrified of her finding something on your phone or in your email… none of this crap makes you happy and you know it. Cheating is not a path for a man who desires long-term, consistent happiness.
7. Cheating, on her part. You find out that she’s been getting sexual (or even just romantically emotional) with another guy. Isn’t that nice? All of your guy-Disney unicorn fantasies of feminine love, purity, and honesty have been dashed. And you’re raging with fury about the guy who fucked your sweet little angel who was Not Like The Rest™.
Are you happy now? Did your serial monogamy “work?” I’ve never been cheated on by a woman and I’ve probably been in more multi-year long relationships than you have. Do you know why that is? Because I’m nonmonogamous. Women can’t cheat on me because they’re allowed to fuck other guys, just like I’m allowed to fuck other women. Being cheated on is an alien concept to me; I don’t even know what it would feel like. And I’m glad, since I don’t think that would feel very good, and I want to be happy.
For all these reasons and many others, serial monogamy will not make you happy in the long-term as a man. Sometimes you’ll be happy, sometimes you’ll be unhappy. You’ll never be as long-term happy as the Alpha Male 2.0 who doesn’t utilize these problematic relationship structures.
But wait, the conversation isn’t over. What if you then said something like this:
“Okay, BD, fine, I admit that being a serial monogamist won’t make me as happy in the long run as you. I get that I won’t get as much sex and the breakups will be harder and blah blah blah. I understand all that, but I don’t care. I still prefer serial monogamy because of X and Y. That’s why I’m going to do it.”
NOW we have no disagreement. You and I have different priorities. My priority is long-term consistent happiness. Your priority is something else. Of course you want to be happy, but happiness isn’t at the top of the list. Instead you likely want, what I call in my book, one of the Six Societal Values, those things pushed hard by both Societal Programming and your own outdated, Obsolete Biological Wiring. So go for it, but I won’t.
I choose happiness first, over everything else. I don’t see any real evidence for reincarnation or an afterlife, so I have to assume that once I’m dead, I’m dead, and I never get to do this precious, wonderful thing called life again. I see no reason to waste my one, tiny, precious life on things like drama, not getting laid, having women dump me and thus making me feel bad whenever they want, getting cheated on, or any of that stuff. But that’s me. You may be different.
If anything is more important to you than your own long-term happiness, then great! Feel free to get as serial monogamous as you like. I’ll be over here being happy and hopefully you’ll be over there getting… well, getting whatever you want that isn’t happiness. Fine by me. We have no argument.
The only disagreement is whether or not serial monogamy will make you happy. It won’t. But there is no disagreement between us if you state happiness is not your top priority.