first date advice, first online date, online dating advice, meaning of an open relationship, alpha male traits

There’s a 90s movie I really enjoyed called Multiplicity, starring Michael Keaton. In the movie, (spoilers!) Keaton plays Doug, a typical, married, stressed out guy who works as a construction contractor. In an effort to reduce stress and workload, he goes to a company that clones people and acquires a few clones to help him with his workload. He keeps this a secret from his wife, and hides the clones in the upstairs apartment of his detached garage. When needed, his clones simply pretend to be him when the wife is around, even if he’s out sailing on his boat.

The movie is interesting because not all the clones are the same. The first clone he makes is his masculine self. Masculine Doug burps, farts, is a little messy, has a low voice, doesn’t talk very much, preferring to grunt, growl or use very short sentences. Masculine Doug loves to work, and enjoys putting in long hours at Doug’s job, enabling him to take more time off.

The second clone Doug makes somehow turns out to be his feminine self. Feminine Doug acts and dresses like a gay guy. He talks incessantly, and in a high-pitched, chipper voice. He’s very clean, loves to cook and bake, is always very supportive of everyone, and loves to have long emotional talks with Doug’s wife.

Doug loves it, and spends his time boating and relaxing while Masculine Doug works and Feminine Doug handles the house. Soon, the two clones get busy themselves, and without Doug’s permission, make a fourth clone to help them out. Since this clone is a copy of a copy, he comes out retarded. Retarded Doug does things like dress like a clown, puts slices of pizza in his wallet, and tries to shave his tongue. He can barely carry on a conversation and is only capable of menial labor.

Everything is great until Doug finds out that Masculine Doug is banging women on the side, often bringing women to the apartment. Things get worse when Doug finds Feminine Doug sleeping next to his wife one night. Doug loses his shit, confronts the clones, and introduces them to Rule Number 1: “No one has sex with my wife but me!” Here’s the scene where Doug confronts Feminine Doug while Masculine Doug watches:

One night, Masculine Doug is in the main house while Doug is gone, and his wife is in the kitchen looking particularly sexy. She’s horny that day and makes overtures to Masculine Doug (thinking he’s Doug, of course). Masculine Doug is a horny horndog, can’t control himself, and has sex with her. A little later, while talking to Feminine Doug, she grabs his cock and starts escalating. Feminine Doug, not wanting to break Rule Number 1 but also being a pussy, doesn’t know how to stop her, and they have sex. A little after that, Retarded Doug wanders into the house. He sees the wife and gets a boner. She looks down at his boner and says, “Again? Well, okay,” leads him into the bedroom, and has sex with him too.

Things get worse when Masculine Doug gets sick, forcing Feminine Doug to cover for him at the construction site. Feminine Doug has no idea what the hell he’s doing and fucks it all up, getting Doug in big trouble. Doug also finds out that all three clones banged his wife, and everything goes to hell.

Masculine vs. Feminine

Every man has a personality that falls somewhere on the scale between masculine and feminine. (David Deida does a great job talking about this in the book Way of the Superior Man.) This has nothing to do with gay vs. straight. There are men with feminine personalities who are 100% heterosexual. It’s about temperament, personality, and preferences.

Visualize a personality scale going from zero to ten, with zero being extremely feminine and ten being extremely masculine, and five being nicely balanced between the two. You fall somewhere on that scale.

Guys with more feminine personalities have better fashion sense, tend to look better, are more clean, tend to be more talkative and emotional, and often relate to people better.

Guys with more masculine personalities tend to be messier, more focused, less talkative, less emotional, and more gruff. They’re often more into things than people. They also tend to have higher sex drives, though this isn’t always the case.

There are also guys who are “balanced,” meaning they’re right at about five on the scale. They’re rare, but they’re out there. These guys tend to be relaxed, chill, happy guys who seem to get along with everyone.

On the scale, I’m about at an 8.5. I’m very masculine, more than most guys, though I know guys who are 9s or 10s on the scale who are more masculine than me. Those would be former marine types who love working on the car and getting into fistfights down at the local bar.

The typical beta male walking around in the US is somewhere around a 3.5 or 4 on the scale. Slightly feminine, but not gay or metrosexual. There’s a guy in my family who is at about a 2. Very clean, preppy, talkative and sensitive. However, there’s yet another guy in my family who is at 1, if not .5 or zero. He’s not gay, but he’s as effeminate as a heterosexual man can be. He even jokes about it. Many women often mistake him for being gay, even if they just see a photo of him.

Different cultures have different compositions of masculine and feminine men. For example, European men tend to be more on the feminine side of the scale than American men. Men in the Philippines and Thailand are more feminine than Europeans, often to the point of dysfunction. On the flip side, men in Russia are far more masculine than American men, again, often to the point of dysfunction.

Is it better to be masculine? That depends, since there are pros and cons to both.

The good thing about masculine guys is that we get shit done. We also have less chaos in our lives because we keep things simple. Less chaos usually means more happiness.

The good thing about feminine guys is they are socially skilled and excel at the most important business skills there are, which is marketing and sales.

If you think masculine guys get chicks more than feminine guys, you’d be wrong, since feminine guys have stronger social skills than masculine guys and tend to look more pleasing than masculine men. I’ve seen lots of feminine guys, both inside and outside the PUA world, with seriously fantastic game. Think Russell Brand.

Regardless, there are some women who prefer masculine guys and some who prefer feminine guys. Again, it’s all about preference.

So it’s not a matter of better or worse. As in all things, you need to identify what you are, take advantage of the strengths of what you are, and shore up the weaknesses of what you are.

37 Comments on “Masculine vs. Feminine Personality Traits

  1. I’d love to see you expand more on the masculine/feminine personality traits in another article

  2. Another useful post, thank you. My guess is that I am about a 6.5 – 7. I didn’t catch that movie either so I will watch it sometime soon 🙂 It will be fun to watch it from this point of view.

  3. Good article. Where on the scale would you put someone like Trump? I’m thinking possibly a 6.5 or 7.

  4. Where on the scale would you put someone like Trump? I’m thinking possibly a 6.5 or 7.

    Oh no. He’s 8 or 9, which is interesting considering he’s 70 years old. I’ve often wondered if he’s on TRT or some other kind of testosterone program. I can’t imagine he isn’t.

    So alpha male 2.0 is…?

    An Alpha Male 2.0 can be anywhere from 4 to 10, though most will be 6 or above.

    Betas can be anywhere from 0 to 8, though most will be below 5.

    Alpha Male 1.0s can be just about anywhere on the scale. Most will tend towards the higher ranges of course. However, you can find Alpha 1.0s as low as 2 or 3. Just because someone is feminine doesn’t mean they aren’t dominant or bossy, as Dominants show us.

  5. I think is, I think like many personality traits, there’s more than just one “scale.”

    I’m not even sure if introversion-extraversion, or “talkativeness” falls perfectly on the feminine-masculine line either.

    Sure, women can babble on for hours and hours and do a lot more socializing with each other. But there are many men who are highly extraverted, as well, and not necessarily feminine. Men are usually more assertive at meetings, interrupt more, and talk more at the office as well. So it’s not all perfectly alligned.

    Same with fashion. A guy can be pretty masculine but into clothes and fashion, believe it or not.

    Also, a guy can be a sensitive emotional push-over, but also a nerd who games a lot, and wear raggedy shit. Cultural norms and subcultures have a huge influence as well.

  6. She had a different guy all day everyday. Use your imagination with this one..reverse the play, and make a few adjustments. There’s your Alpha 2.

  7. Wonder why rock’n’roll icons, although serious Alphas when it comes to getting laid, seem to have always walked on the feminine side (Paul Stanley, Mick Jagger, Robert Plant, and….well…even Iggy Pop come to mind).

     

  8. Heya BD,

    What about living/being completely adaptive and malleable?

    I truly believe that the current times are bringing back the popularity of the olden day ‘renaissance man’. One should spend much time working on various key skills so they appear masculine to the buyers who want masculinity, and feminine to the buys who want femininity, which in essence makes the person a complete chameleon, like what Machiavelli describes.

  9. Wait, don’t most women prefer men who look and act more masculine? Like muscles, some moderate degree of body/facial hair, large size, deeper booming voice, decisive, quiet, etc?

    Or is this just an assumption culture’s burned into my brain?

  10. I’d love to see you expand more on the masculine/feminine personality traits in another article

    Yeah, this article is begging for a sequel. I’ve argued for about a year now that most of the manosphere aren’t masculine at all (I’ll even argue that some of them are closet homosexuals), since all they do is bitch about things just as bad as SJWs do nowadays. I’ve done full social experiments on this, I’ve trolled SJWs with manosphere stuff and they got butthurt. Then I trolled manospherians with SJW dialogue and they got butthurt in almost the exact same way! I’d like BD’s input on this.

    Having a giant ego and getting butthurt about everything is also a feminine trait which a lot of Alpha 1s possess. I’m sure that dynamic is mentioned in Deida’s book. Its funny, the reason I don’t do night game any more is cuz of being cockblocked by butthurt Alpha 1s who just act threatened by everything. And these are dudes who were like half a foot taller than me and they want to get in my face just because I batted my eyes (didn’t even approach!) the chicks in their group.

    I’d also argue that being outgoing etc is a masculine trait. I’m sorry, if there is a crowd and there’s that one dude who isn’t interacting with anyone, that’s gonna be seen as feminine. Now the stuff that is being said, how its being said, and the body language behind it all? That is where distinctions should be made. But being “shy” or “introverted” is feminine IMO. Masculine people aren’t afraid to express themselves ever cuz way back in tribal eras, that’s how they survived. Its still part of our wiring.

  11. Wait, don’t most women prefer men who look and act more masculine?

    They want you to look and act masculine when necessary and look and act feminine when necessary. Its all about being on the middle part of the spectrum that BD was talking about.

  12. What if what the girl you’re dating tells you to stop doing something that’s genuinely bad for you.
    Let’s say I eat too much junk food.
    I stop based on her nagging but it’s I’ve been wanting to leave it too.
    Her nagging inadvertently helps me kick a bad habit.
    This is a rare scenario …I’ll accept that much but I don’t want to ever seem like I’m changing for her when I’m actually changing for me

  13. @blackdragon – I can see Trump being that as well.  Although maybe not as high as duel master Andrew Jackson or a Paul Von Hindenburg 

    Trump seems a little more interested in his image and still appealing to other groups. Seems he would rather fight with his rhetoric than physical (even before 70). But I agree, either he’s on the good stuff or money really does make you a demi God

  14. I’m not even sure if introversion-extraversion, or “talkativeness” falls perfectly on the feminine-masculine line either.

    It doesn’t fit perfectly, but it does fit. Of course there are some very masculine men who talk constantly and can’t shut up, but these are exceptions to the rule.

    Same with fashion. A guy can be pretty masculine but into clothes and fashion, believe it or not.

    I know it can, but a really masculine guy who is really into fashion is, once again, the exception to the rule.

    What about living/being completely adaptive and malleable?

    That’s a big topic but I generally agree that’s important, yes.

    One should spend much time working on various key skills so they appear masculine to the buyers who want masculinity, and feminine to the buys who want femininity,

    That’s called sales skills, and yes, it’s a key skill every man should master.

    Wait, don’t most women prefer men who look and act more masculine? Like muscles, some moderate degree of body/facial hair, large size, deeper booming voice, decisive, quiet, etc?

    Or is this just an assumption culture’s burned into my brain?

    50% of the answer is yes, women prefer that. The other 50% of that answer is you’re using very American examples that apply to American culture only. As I said in the article, European women and SE Asian women (as just two examples) are going to vastly prefer more feminine men than Dwayne Johnson.

    It’s a mix of biology and Societal Programming.

    I’ve done full social experiments on this, I’ve trolled SJWs with manosphere stuff and they got butthurt. Then I trolled manospherians with SJW dialogue and they got butthurt in almost the exact same way! I’d like BD’s input on this.

    My input is that you have way too much time on your hands and should focus on improving your own life instead of trolling strangers on the internet. It’s pathetic.

    What if what the girl you’re dating tells you to stop doing something that’s genuinely bad for you.

    I think you meant to post this on the soft nexting article. The answer is, it doesn’t matter. Your actions are your choice, not hers. Read this.

  15. BD how do you handle mltrs and fbs leaving stuff at your place? Do you agree that it is unconscious betaization and marking of territory by the woman?

  16. I’m not sure being messy is a masculine trait.  Maybe because military guys are not messy, lol.  The discipline involved in keeping things ship shape and clean all the time seems more masculine, though women tend to care more about their environment and be less likely to trash things in the first place.  So…maybe.

    I’ve never thought of being outgoing as a particularly feminine trait either.  I work in sales so we are all pretty outgoing but the men I work with aren’t particularly feminine.  Sure, there is the strong silent type, but that’s not the only type of masculinity.

    The guy that I would characterize as one of the most masculine men I have ever met/slept with, talks a LOT.  He talks a lot but its about masculine things, politics, sports, cars, work.  He’s not talking about his feelings, or gossiping, or dissecting other people and their lives and motives, like women often do.

  17. My input is that you have way too much time on your hands and should focus on improving your own life instead of trolling strangers on the internet. It’s pathetic.

    Hey, it isn’t THAT time consuming.

    He talks a lot but its about masculine things, politics, sports, cars, work.  He’s not talking about his feelings, or gossiping, or dissecting other people and their lives and motives, like women often do.

    This reminds me of probably the ONLY good piece of dating advice I got from a chick. I was hanging out with a chick who I’m decent buds with (it isn’t one-sided like most friendzone stuff) and she said that exact advice. I stopped talking about other people’s lives and motives (this was my biggest conversation thread for awhile) and started talking about sports and weightlifting. And holy crap, it was like I became a different person.

  18. BD how do you handle mltrs and fbs leaving stuff at your place?

    I let them leave over whatever they want. For many years I had a “chick drawer” where I collected all the crap women left over. If a woman ever left over jewelry or panties or whatever, and would ask about it later, I would say, “Oh yeah, it’s over there in the chick drawer. Just take whatever you need.” Then the women would be shocked at all the girly shit other women left over. It was an easy way to avoid betaization.

    What is your personal status as far as oltr/mltr/fb etc.

    I have one OLTR and several FBs.

    Now try to stay on topic, guys.

  19. The guy that I would characterize as one of the most masculine men I have ever met/slept with, talks a LOT.  He talks a lot but its about masculine things, politics, sports, cars, work.  He’s not talking about his feelings, or gossiping, or dissecting other people and their lives and motives, like women often do.

    If that makes a man feminine, then I am as feminine as they come and proud of it! To my knowledge, I have never sexually suffered because of this though.

    Although I do hit the gym and lift weights, I hate so called “masculine things,” like sports, talking about cars, or anything of a mechanical, soulless, or machine-like nature. Even the gym is something I don’t actually talk about. Talking about mechanical shit is so boring!

    But I love talking about people, their motivations, their psychology, their goals, their moods, etc…

    That’s how you become a good seducer! That’s all we do here and that’s how we become better with women! 

    Again, my sex life has never suffered due to this “feminine” disposition. In fact, girls love it when I talk about these things (especially my girlfriend). They are impressed with my knowledge and see me as one of those rare men who can stand up to a woman.

    What you characterize as “feminine” is precisely where all the psychological power is. That’s how women are able to manipulate men at an early age, whereas dumbass boys play with toy trucks and are clueless around the opposite sex.

    Characterizing being socially savvy as “feminine” is a female tactic to keep all the power for themselves and keep men ignorant so that women will have all the control over mating while men remain beta! Nice try! 

  20. @Jack in the Box-

    I didn’t say that its necessarily good or bad that he talks about those things.  Those are things that many times I would rather not talk about, I just said they are more masculine and he is into that stuff.  That isn’t the masculine part I am ATTRACTED to, it just is, lol.

    What I am attracted to is more his power, drive, and motivation, which are also masculine traits.  He’s very decisive, and I don’t have to make any decisions for him, lol.  He’s also very cool, calm and collected, hard to rattle.  I don’t have to worry about him getting upset with me about anything.  It’s highly unlikely to happen.

    He’s this extremely logical thinker, which means that we sometimes have differences of opinion, but even if I don’t agree with what he says I can see that it makes SENSE.  His perspective always makes me think (plus he’s incredibly smart, I’m kind of in awe of the things he says sometimes, it’s like, wow he’s actually right).  Those are the GOOD masculine traits.

    Well, that and being amazingly good in bed 😉  That always helps, ha.

  21. Very interesting post BD. I’ve got a mate who dominates most of his friends, but relates very well to people and is into all the arts with no interest in anything practical or technical. He totally dominates very average needy women in his relationships but is subservient to the attractive women in his life in order to either attract them or maintain a relationship with them. Where would you place him?

    Would you recommend any masculinity tests? Most online seem to be not that accurate.

    Many thanks.

  22. I’ve got a mate who dominates most of his friends, but relates very well to people and is into all the arts with no interest in anything practical or technical. He totally dominates very average needy women in his relationships but is subservient to the attractive women in his life in order to either attract them or maintain a relationship with them. Where would you place him?

    I’d have to meet the guy or see many videos of him.

    As I said above, there are plenty of feminine guys who are very dominant.

    Would you recommend any masculinity tests?

    Not really. I think you already know if you skew masculine or feminine.

  23. “There are plenty of feminine guys who are very dominant”. I found this quite funny. Like wise, I have come across many masculine Betas too – almost always nice guys who I pity for who they end up with.

    After some research, I came across the Bem Sex-role Inventory test which measures masculinity, femininity and gender neutral traits, which means all the scores can run parallel; the more diverse the personality, the higher the overall score. This seems the most accurate yet with 60 easy to answer questions.

  24. Like wise, I have come across many masculine Betas too

    For once, I’m not talking about betas vs. Alphas here. I’m strictly talking about masculine vs. feminine.

    There are feminine betas and feminine Alphas. There are masculine betas and masculine Alphas.

    There are indeed feminine Alphas. Russel Brand, Andrew Breitbart, Justin Timberlake, etc.

  25. Feminine Alphas – thanks for clearing that up. I used to confuse them for jumped-up super confident, assertive Betas trying to be Alpha. I guess many of those that win in sports which require finesse would be feminine alphas, which is maybe why you often get extreme drama, selfishness and nastiness amongst competitors; perhaps tennis and most categories of motor racing (not NASCAR though!) have high numbers of this type. And acting too.

  26. I now have found me a # 10 and adore her.  Before her, I choose to be non-exclusive (and she was aware of this and that I didn’t want to be tied down) but choose to try to be exclusive with her.  But I did tell her I wanted to try it for 90 days lmao and re-evaluate it ( I am not big on doing shit open ended cus they get too comfortable).  We are already talking about living together now! Gulp.

    You have oneitis, you’re monogamous, and you’re living together.

    You’re fucked.

    You are 100% guaranteed for drama, betaization and problems down the road no matter what you do (unless you go back to being nonmonogamous and structure things as I describe in an OLTR Marriage).

    Beyond that I can’t help you, since I don’t advise men in monogamous relationships.

  27. BD I think  that this is one of those things I think a lot of guys are going to overthink. Just figure where you’re in your own head in your own privacy and don’t worry about it (unless you wanna change something than do so, but don’t trip out). Many of the answers and comments we’ve seen are very subjective even from your point of view probably. And this isn’t criticism, just an observation. You’re going to see a million different points of view that are wack to some of us. There are probably some guys that think being an Alpha 2.0 in an MLTR/OLTR makes you a cuckold. Obviously most of us don’t think that, but just giving an example of different POV’s.

    I myself am most def a Masculine, Alpha 1.0 who can be stylish and socialize EG Don Draper. UGHHH WHAT you’re not an ALPHA 2.0?! Nah and no big deal. Sometimes I even get in moods where I don’t want to date. HUHHH?! No big deal. I even go for some Dominant women or muscular and/or taller women because it makes me feel Alpha as Fuck to go toe to toe with em! I’m a TOH guy what can I say lol, (hence also taking breaks from dating sometimes cause the energy expended on the hunt). THAT’S JUST ME THOUGH!

    Probably not much to worry about, many of these traits and such make you you and thats a good thing! Many of these traits can fucking actually help you even many of the beta and feminine ones! However the guys that need to do something about to be more masculine if you’re going to the point where you’re unattractive to women or specifically the women you’re attracted to. 

    I think a good look at some of this stuff if you want to focus is some of the work by Frank Kermit, Corey Wayne, and the book The Manual (I swear by).

    I even think getting a Fetlife account (FREE) for many of our audience and observing the BDSM community and attending would be very eye opening to show you what is Masculine/Feminine and Alpha/Beta. It’ll open your mind and let me tell you that website is off the chain! Plus you can meet women off there.

  28. The feminine trait that I notice among men today is the gossiping and talking trash behind backs when problem arises. I think in the old days, men used to fight physically to settle their differences. I rarely see this; now you either get someone who is crazy and will go after you with gun or sue you with a lawyer. Rare to see a fist fight. Maybe it’s just where I live.

  29. You’re fat, why would you rate yourself an alpha male?

    Who ever said I was fat? I said I still have some chub.

    Even if I was full-on fat, I’ve known and worked with many fat Alpha Males (mostly 1.0s).

  30. Coming from a marketing background, it didn’t take me long to get this masculine stuff. I am have been divorced 2 years after a 19 year marriag but quickly got me a Jeep Wrangler, tattoo, shaved my head bald, enrolled in Brazilian ju jitsu, added 20 pounds of muscle, learning sniper shooting, play basketball 4x a week and learned how to please a chic n bed better than anyone else don’t hurt either. Man I had no idea what I sacrificed being married so long! Never again will I let any chic tell me what I can or can’t do. Just having a spirit of Independence and a life outside them sets you way apart from everyone else and gives you this inner confidence that they can sense. So get get injured, sweat, take the top down and just create your NICHE or Brand yourself!

  31. @ TomP

    Going off the fat comment.. Bruh you’ve obviously never seen the Sopranos if you think a fat guy can’t be an Alpha. Tony Soprano was like 300LBS and he was Alpha 1.0/2.0 Hybrid as Fuck.

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