first date advice, first online date, online dating advice, meaning of an open relationship, alpha male traits

Historically, I’ve had six volumes of ebooks called the Blackdragon Dating System. (With the recent publication of The Ultimate Online Dating Manual, this number has changed a little.) What you don’t know is that I also wrote a seventh volume that I never published.

Back in early 2011, when my crazy phase with women was starting to wind down, I decided to write a new book that described, in detail, all the women I had slept or went out on dates with in my entire life up until that point, starting all the way back in high school, though mostly between 2007 and 2011. The book would also notate various lessons and techniques I had learned to help the reader avoid my mistakes and learn from my experiences.

I made sure to change the names of all the women involved. I also used my spreadsheets, which track everything I do in detail, to guide me as to particular events and specific dates. I had a lot of data to draw upon, making the book very accurate. The book was essentially my spreadsheets re-written in journal/story form.

I finished about 40% of the book before I realized something; there was no way I could publish this publicly without certain people getting outed and certain other people getting in trouble. Of course, I wouldn’t get in trouble. I never lie to women, have never cheated on a woman, and never promise absolute sexual monogamy, so as usual I’m in the clear. I never get trouble for lying or violating promises, because I don’t make those promises in the first place. I live my life as I wish, based on happiness and honesty, and if a woman doesn’t like that she can leave me and go date some other guy (who will likely lie to her, or cheat on her, or treat her like shit, or bore her to death). Very simple.

However, as you’re well aware, other people do not follow this model, including many of the women I’ve been with. This means that various women in my past would get in trouble if I published a book like this. Even with me changing the names, I know how the internet works, and it would be reasonably easy for certain people who know other people to put two and two together to identify some of the women described. It’s happened before, so I’ve learned to be careful. As usual, I don’t care if you know my stuff, but the women I’ve dated in the past never asked to become public figures (with a few exceptions of course). This means I need to be cool about all of this and protect their anonymity

When I say “get in trouble,” I mean that many of these women had boyfriends at the time. Many other women did things that they may be embarrassed about today, many years later. A tiny few of them had husbands. Many of them didn’t have husbands or kids back then, but do now. As attractive, outgoing women often do, a few women have since become minor celebrities in their own circles, such as in politics, modeling, acting, blogging, YouTube, and other mediums.

Hopefully you get my point. I didn’t want my book to be the cause of any problems with these women in their current relationships or careers. Though it may not seem like it sometimes because of the blunt communication style on my blogs, I’m a nice person in real life. I care about the women I’ve been with. I care about everyone in my life.

So with a heavy heart, I made the decision to shelf the book and not publish it. Though it could have made a lot of money for me, I didn’t want to stir up any drama for anyone.

A few weeks ago, I pulled out that half-finished book and re-read it. I still agreed it wasn’t a good idea to publish, but I couldn’t deny there was some really good stuff in there that really could help a lot of men navigate the often confusing world of women.

I’ve decided to delete or substantially edit the parts I consider dangerous to some of the women I’ve been with, and “publish” the book for free as bite-sized chunks on this blog as a regular series. Every few weeks I’ll publish another installment, starting with today. The capitalist in me reeeeeeeeeeally wants to charge money for this book, but the philanthropist in me wants to give you this for free. Since The Ultimate Online Dating Manual sold far beyond my own projections over the last few days, I’m feeling pretty good about giving you guys this “book” for free.

The names have still been changed, as have some minor details to protect certain people’s anonymity, but beyond that everything I report in this series is 100% accurate. Here now is part one of The Story of My History With Women. I’m going to start at the very beginning. Enjoy. More to come.

Divider

As a kid, I went to a private catholic school from grades one to eight. For eight long years, I was stuck going to class with the same 20-25 kids, and none of the girls in that small group I considered attractive. When I finally transferred to the big public high school (my parents were not people of means and they had run out of money), that all changed.

Once I was there, for the first time, I saw girls who looked like the hot babes I had seen on TV. The skinny blondes with the big boobs. The short, cute, quiet girls with long, dark hair. Etc.

On the first day of my sophomore year, way back in September of 1987, I was sitting in the back of the room in keyboarding class, and I saw a girl enter the room. I was transfixed. Her name was Christy, and though I didn’t know it at the time, it was Christy who set the template for what I was physically attracted to for the rest of my life.

It has been said, and I wholly agree with it, that the “template” for what a man thinks is hot is set in early adolescence, somewhere around age 13 or 14, based on his experiences at that time. I was about 15 at the time, and it was Christy, with her white skin, her long blonde hair, her big, dark brown eyes, her short, very trim, 5’1” body, her perky tits, and her huge, bubble-like black-girl ass, who set the stage for what I thought was the ultimate in female beauty.

That was 25 years ago, and since then every woman I have been really sexually attracted to as been a physical variation of Christy in some way.

I did not have sex in high school. My negative Christian programming from my former nun mother saw to that. However, I was reasonably confident, and by the time I was a senior I was able to walk up to a girl and ask her out on a date with minimal fear (whether or not she said yes was a different story). I dated a lot of girls in high school, kissed a few, squeezed a few boobs, but that was about it.

Not having any sex in high school was a huge mistake for me. Though I wasn’t aware of it at the time, I have a massive sex drive and avoiding sex for that long was a very bad idea I would pay the price for later.

Christy was my ultimate goal, and I did everything society told me to do to get the girl. I wrote her notes telling her how I felt, about how much I loved her and how beautiful she was. I bought her bouquets of roses. Thinking I was very clever, I talked to her girlfriends and told them to put in a good word for me. And they actually did. I did all kinds of things that my mind, instinct, and gut told me to do, as well as all the things my friends, family, and the movies told me to do. They all felt 100% right.

And to my surprise, none of those things worked. Christy did her best to avoid me for the next three years. We never got past a first date (a Judas Priest concert…not a place to take a cute little girl-next-door type like Christy).

It was there I learned my first lesson:

Lesson One

The methods to attract women that come from what society tells you, and what your instinct tells you, are all wrong. They don’t work.

When it comes to getting that girl, if the movies tell you it’s the right thing to do, if your friends tell you it’s the right thing to do, if women tell you it’s the right thing to do, if your mom or dad or grandma tell you it’s the right thing to do, and even if your own gut feelings tell you it’s the right thing to do, you can almost guarantee it’s the wrong thing to do and you should not do it.

Women don’t work the way society tells you they work. Women and society tell you to do the things that are the most societally appropriate, not the things that actually get women wet with sexual desire. Often, these two things are diametric opposites to each other. Usually, not always, but usually, following societally appropriate advice of being a nice guy (a “gentleman”) in order to get a girl will get you into friend zone, not sex. It pushes all the wrong buttons.

It took me a long time to learn this lesson, but when I finally did, my life was never the same, and a whole new world opened up for me.

To be continued…

22 Comments on “The Story of My History With Women – Part 1

  1. Short and sweet, I’m looking forward to the next episodes!

    A couple of very interesting points (which I incidentally have written about before – no wonder why I consider Caleb one of my main influencers)

    1. The first, teen ‘Big Crush’ sets the physical template for the women you will be the most attracted to down the road. I don’t understand why people can’t see this fact clearly.

    (If you’re interested, I wrote about it here )

    2. The longer you postpone your first sexual intercourses, the more you will have to fix in your relationships with women down the road.  My case was the exact opposite of yours (started really young) but I have seen this pattern repeat for many men.

    (Again, if you’re interested in checking my lifetime sexual strategy, it’s here)

    Keep up the good work, BD!

  2. Should be a great series BD!  Most guys have to go through this same painful process of discovering all the bullshit about women we were told is just that, bullshit.  I had similar experiences trying to win them over and failed.  And of course the girls I treated the worst back in my younger days couldn’t get enough.

    Once guys shift into the abundance mentality, things change for the better.  Thanks for sharing your stories!

    Oh and for the older guys that bust your balls about dating younger girls, I can attest that the right attitude and approach does work regardless of age.  I’m 38 and within the last week snagged a 21 and 23 year old-neither cared about my age.

  3. I just want to say that Judas Priest is awesome, she didn’t deserve you.

    Breakn’ the law,

    breakin’ the law,

    dow dow dowwwwwww,

    breakin’ the law,

    breakin’ the law,

    dow dow dowwwwwww,

    breakin’ the law,

    breakin’ the lawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

  4. “This is the way the real world works:

    * Men pursue

    * Women pick

    So based on this if you want to get anywhere then your strategy has to be gender based:

     

    Men

    1) Develop a thick skin

    2) Pursue chicks

    3) Don’t pedestalize them

     

    Women

    1) Look as nice as possible

    2) Go somewhere where men pursue you

    3) Pick one”

     

    — Death by a Thousand Sluts by John Bodi

  5. Hey black dragon, off topic question here. What do I do with a girl who texts me every day, yet I haven’t seen yet in person because she’s so busy. I laid down the text game hard enough that I actually had her masturbating just from my texts, she sent me nude photos, and now she’s kind of in love with me, but we’ve never even met. She initiates the text every day, but she’s slowly milking personal information out of me that I was hoping not to have divulged till way after we’ve fucked. I’m afraid she’s going to know too much about me by the time we actually do fuck and by then I will have gotten boring. I know in the future I probably shouldn’t invest so much time and energy into a girl  before I’ve fucked her which is what lead to this situation, but how can I salvage it now that I’m here?

    I feel like with relationships I’m always somewhere on the extreme end: on the left end the girl isn’t super hot and thus not super exciting to me so I don’t text her but once a week and thus the passion isn’t totally there so she’s not super excited about seeing me so I have trouble getting her over to my place. On the other end, if I think a girl is really hot I’ll lay down game too hard and we’ll both get to like eachother a lot and text way too much and kind of ruin things. I can’t seem to find a middle ground.

  6. It’s interesting to me that so many people think that waiting to have sex really screwed them over.

    I guess it depends on the reason for it. I didn’t have sex until after college mainly because I had no real interest in it, not because of social programming. It was there, it could have happened, but I just didn’t care enough to make anything happen. Truly outcome independent, I suppose, though that caused more than a few missed opportunities. I did miss a few good years of being able to nab hot college/highschool chicks, but I don’t think I lost out on anything super important. Once I decided to actually have sex it took me just under a month for the first chick, and my lay count was ~3(maybe 4?) within the first 6 months of making that decision.

  7. she sent me nude photos, and now she’s kind of in love with me, but we’ve never even met. She initiates the text every day, but she’s slowly milking personal information out of me that I was hoping not to have divulged till way after we’ve fucked. I’m afraid she’s going to know too much about me by the time we actually do fuck and by then I will have gotten boring. 

    Let me guess, she’s a smoking hot Russian college student, who’s really in love with you, but needs money in order to buy a plane ticket to come visit you from Moskva…

  8. Smoking hot local girl-next door college-aged chick. Sorry about dumping my purse here, boys. Just had a little freak out because I’ve never banged a chick this hot before and don’t want to screw it up. Better to dump my purse here than with her, I figured.

    @Kurt you also showed what a total cynic you are, so nobody’s perfect right.

  9. I dated a lot of girls in high school, kissed a few, squeezed a few boobs, but that was about it.

    That’s better than me: My dad, raging Jew Supremacist that he was, didn’t even want me to date any chicks who weren’t jewish up until I was done with high school. Even if there were chicks who were interested in me, if they weren’t Jewish, I had to say no or else my dad would — get this — kick me out of the house if I were to date one. Having parents like mine sucks. My mom didn’t care about anything and my dad thought he was Napoleon. My dad died roughly a decade ago, and I still don’t know whether I should be sad or mad about it.

    One of the nastiest experiences was being accused of harassment in high school. There was this cheerleader that I liked a lot so I did all the stuff society said to try to get her, didn’t care that she had a boyfriend, and apparently I creeped her out so bad that I almost got expelled for it. For the longest time I was scared of trying to get with any chick who I thought was attractive. For the longest time I only went after big chicks cuz I knew they wouldn’t shoot me down so harshly. I’m just now starting to try to get with chicks that are more traditionally attractive. I got laid last night by a chick who wasn’t as fat as the ones I usually have sex with but I couldn’t perform well because I was nervous and had whiskey dick lol. She’s a big fan of OLTRs just like you are.

    I’m slowly telling myself that I am now good enough (and was probably already good enough) to date and have sex with chicks who I find attractive.

  10. What do I do with a girl who texts me every day, yet I haven’t seen yet in person because she’s so busy. I laid down the text game hard enough that I actually had her masturbating just from my texts, she sent me nude photos, and now she’s kind of in love with me, but we’ve never even met. She initiates the text every day, but she’s slowly milking personal information out of me that I was hoping not to have divulged till way after we’ve fucked.

    Stop being nice, nail down a specific time and place for the first date, and hard next her ass if she keeps telling you she’s too busy. You’re wasting your time with this chick.

    On the other end, if I think a girl is really hot I’ll lay down game too hard and we’ll both get to like eachother a lot and text way too much and kind of ruin things. I can’t seem to find a middle ground.

    My guess is you’re under the age of 24. This kind of stuff is common for younger men. They get oneitis fast.

    Read this.

    I guess it depends on the reason for it. I didn’t have sex until after college mainly because I had no real interest in it, not because of social programming. It was there, it could have happened, but I just didn’t care enough to make anything happen.

    Correct. That’s different. If your sex drive is lower and you don’t really need it, then you’re not suffering.

    That wasn’t the case for me at all. I was extremely horny and desperately wanted to have sex from the time I was 12 years old. Since I didn’t lose my virginity until 22/23, that was 10 years of pain and sexual frustration I shouldn’t have gone through. (My fault.)

    My dad, raging Jew Supremacist that he was, didn’t even want me to date any chicks who weren’t jewish up until I was done with high school. Even if there were chicks who were interested in me, if they weren’t Jewish, I had to say no or else my dad would — get this — kick me out of the house if I were to date one.

    Yep. As I described here, the goal of traditional Judaism is to create beta males.

  11. I read the article, and it’s slightly off.

    The future of love isn’t polyamory. Humans like to pair bond, like emotional exclusivity, and eventually like to settle down.

    Instead, the future of love is tolerated open or semi-open relationships (which is different than polyamory). People have already started to shift in this direction, since women are getting sick and tired of getting cheated on all the time, and men are getting sick and tired of getting financially raped in divorces and emotionally devastated in breakups. OLTR type relationships are the answer to both of these problems. (Not a perfect answer, but a much better answer than standard monogamy / marriage, both of which no longer work in society for people under the age of 60.)

  12. I followed the link to your post on “Your Type” and I suppose I am an outlier.  The girls I crushed on in junior high were the conventionally pretty, slim, white chicks (but what really attracted me was their intelligence – the top 5 students were me and these 4 other girls). In high school it was an East Indian girl (but her “parents would never approve”). Then it was short chicks with big tits; then 5’10” blondes. Then a series of LTRs that closed out my 20s: a slim dark girl, a size zero white girl with big hair, a petite but curvy Chinese girl.  It follows no pattern. For the past 5 years I’ve exclusively dated Chinese women. Surprise! I live in China! Even then, they range from 5-nothing to 5’9″ and from slim to curvy.

    On the main point, you are correct.  Being a nice guy got me nowhere. What changed my life with women at the age of 18 was to reinvent my look, ditch the glasses in favour of contact lenses, join the military (and get buff), and join a rock band.  I was the same person I had always been but it was the superficial changes – hair, clothes, muscles, glasses, bad boy rocker persona – that caused women to treat me differently.  I made those changes for me, not to get women, and it actually turned me off women to a certain extent – I was something of a dick after the change and basically went MGTOW through my first two years of college – but it proves your point: be a good guy, don’t be a nice guy, and if you want women then appear and behave in the manner that actually attracts them.

  13. I suppose I am an outlier […] It follows no pattern.

    I’m in that case too. I think that acquiring a “type” in the fashion BD described (first super-hot girl you strongly notice as a teen imprints on you for life, that sorta thing) happens more when the teenager is in an environment where many ethnic groups are already represented. I’m north african and when I was a teen, most of the pretty girls in sight where light skinned brunettes – but as soon as I went abroad (Europe), I was blown away by blue-eyed blondes: whatever pattern that may have been set by my first crush (brunette with big hips and big boobs) must have been broken. Today I know I like pale skin, hips and boobs, muscled legs, but the margin is very wide (for example, the girls I find hot weigh anywhere from 100 to 160 lbs, as long there are no ‘rolls’), and there’s no eye or hair color that I consider necessary to qualify for a “10”.

    I still think there’s a big innate component to individual types (not just what men in general like). For example when you’re a 5-yo kid watching Disney movies you already know which princess or whatever you find prettier, and it doesn’t change much later.

  14. I don’t do it very often these days though. My regular women keep me more than happy.

    You didn’t do it regularly in the past either, if I am not mistaken. You used to do one gigantic blitz on the Go Time of the year, right?

  15. Correct! I usually do one giant one in January and that’s it. Worst case I do a second one around September, if I have to.

    My goal is to do the minimum number of blitzes I can, and work from recurring FBs and MLTRs instead.

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