first date advice, first online date, online dating advice, meaning of an open relationship, alpha male traits

Over the last ten years or so, the only non-action movies in Hollywood portraying Alpha Males seem to star old Alphas. Guys like Harrison Ford or Michael Douglas. I recently saw the horribly named Some Kind of Beautiful, an Alpha Male, anti-monogamy movie starring yet another old guy, Peirce Brosnan.

Seeing the trailer I decided to watch the film because Peirce is one of my favorite Alpha actors of all time. Expecting a stupid romantic comedy, I was surprised to see that the movie was actually pretty good, decently funny, reasonably accurate to real life, and with good Alpha Male characters.

I like these anti-monogamy movies not because they reflect my worldview, since as you’ll soon see, the Alphas in these movies constantly make all the wrong decisions and screw up their lives. Rather, I like them because these movies are actually a more accurate reflection of real life than the female friendly, Disney flavor of romantic comedies.

Like all Hollywood movies of this type, the entire movie completely falls down in the last 10 minutes and takes a hard left into Disney territory in order to satisfy the female contingent of the audience. But until then, it’s a fun portrayal of the aging Alpha Male; something I myself am paying close attention to since in a short 10-20 years from now, I will be considered “old” while still living the Alpha Male 2.0 life.

In describing the movie I will use the names of the actors for the character names, just to make it easier.

The movie is about Peirce Brosnan, a British Alpha Male and literature professor working at Cambridge, a life-long player who never married or had kids. He starts having sex with one of his hot younger students in her mid-20s, played by Jessica Alba. They date for six months, a lifetime record for him.

While waiting for her at a bar one day, he bumps into a sexy Mexican woman played by Penelope Cruz (who portrays the same loud, bitchy, high-drama Hispanic woman she seems to be typecast to always play). (Correction, it’s Salma Hayek; since losing all her weight she looks almost identical to Penelope Cruz; my bad.) Peirce and Penelope hit it off, and almost kiss when Jessica interrupts them. Surprise, surprise, Jessica and Penelope are sisters.

The three have dinner together, and reveal that they are actually half-sisters, since their dad fathered two families at the same time, one in the US and one in Mexico. The two sisters hate their dad for what he did, but are very close to each other. Penelope is furious that Peirce was about to cheat on her sister, and threatens to tell Jessica all about it. Right before doing so, however, Peirce finds out that Penelope also has a serious boyfriend. Peirce smiles, knowing they’re now at a stalemate and Penelope can’t reveal what was about to happen, since she was “cheating” too. Ah, monogamy.

Suddenly Jessica excitedly announces to Peirce and Penelope that she’s pregnant with Peirce’s baby. Peirce freaks out, runs out of the restaurant, and pukes on the street. Once he recovers, Jessica tells him that she’s keeping the baby, and asks him to move to Los Angeles with her, and to marry her and raise their baby together. He freaks out again leaves without giving her an answer.

He visits his old father, played by Malcolm McDowell. Dad is an old, British, cantankerous, angry, right-wing, domineering Alpha Male 1.0 who’s on his fourth marriage. When Peirce explains his circumstances with Jessica, his dad gives him a lecture that could be right out of an angry manosphere site:

“Listen to me. This might be the most important bit of advice I ever give you. American women may be fun and Victoria Secret when you first bed them, but as soon as they get their claws into you they stop fucking and start eating, and the only ass you’re going to get is a fat one. American women eventually become spouters of self-help platitudes. They’re addicted to designer labels, dieting and frozen yogurt. Overall thoroughly nasty, vain, selfish creatures, that DON’T FUCK.”

Too dizzy with oneitis, Peirce ignores his father and makes the mistake so common to NRE-infected Alphas. He stupidly agrees to move to LA with Jessica and marry her. They move, get married, and he gets a part-time job at a LA college where he teaches.

He quickly finds that American college students are uninterested in literature, and spend most of their time with their faces in their cell phones or laptops while he lectures.

For a few years, Pierce and Jessica have a great time with New Baby NRE, until the boy is about four years old and Jessica turns 30. Then she starts cheating on Peirce with a guy she met at her office job. The guilt gets to her, so she finally reveals to Peirce that she’s been cheating on him and is in love with someone else. Peirce flies into a rage and she tries to calm him down.

“I was really young, okay? Really young! I really thought that I loved you, but clearly I was working through daddy issues. And then I got pregnant. We were just trying to do the right thing, and you’ve always been a really good father, but let’s face it, you’ve never really loved me. But Brian does.”

Brian is a dorky, high-income beta male who does whatever Jessica wants. It’s a breath of fresh air for her after being married to Peirce the Alpha for so long. Not understanding the concept of the LSNFTE or the power of beta males, Peirce is shocked that Jessica actually wants to be with such a pussy.

Finally he says, “You can leave me, but I’m not leaving that little boy.”

Now separated, single, and living in an adjacent house, Peirce experiences his post-divorce happiness high. He immediately goes back to having tons of sex with his hot young students. One day his son finds a pair of panties, and observes that they look really uncomfortable to wear. “That’s why women really love it when you take them off,” Peirce answers.

Everything is great, but the only catch is that Pierce and Jessica have to stay legally married so Peirce doesn’t lose his green card. He’s already had trouble staying in the country and needs to be careful. Jessica reluctantly plays along, though she’s now officially with Brian; who being the beta he is, immediately moves in with her and starts obeying her orders.

After a while, trouble arises. Peirce swears so much around his little boy that the boy gets in trouble at school for using foul language. Peirce also gets drunk at a party, almost inadvertently tries to have sex with his boss’s wife, and is arrested for DUI on his way home.

His attorney informs him that, in order to not lose his green card, Peirce must go to ten sessions of Alcoholics Anonymous. Peirce is pissed off and thinks it’s all bullshit, but goes anyway, not wanting to get kicked out of the US and lose access to his son.

At his first AA session, instead of saying “Hi, my name is X and I’m an alcoholic,” he gives a wonderful Alpha Male speech to the stunned group which I actually agree with.

“I’m not an alcoholic. I’m English, a country with a few thousand years of history, and part of that history is the communal practice of having a drink in the pub. Now I know it’s not your fault that you sad, sorry pilgrims arrived here and infected your country with a message of puritanical masochism, but it IS your fault that you’ve all taken it on board quite so earnestly. So you chaps go ahead, knock yourselves out. But just know this: the first thing I intend to do when this hour is up is hit that bar across the street and have a nice cold one.”

Meanwhile, Jessica’s hot Mexican sister Penelope gets engaged with her boyfriend (the one she almost cheated on with Peirce). She’s a classic Dominant. She’s hyper-jealous, regularly screams at him, and throws things at him whenever he talks to other women. One day she comes home to find him having sex with her gynecologist. She gets hysterical and attacks him. They break up.

Jessica leaves town with Beta Brian and has newly-single Penelope stay at her house to help watch the little boy, because she doesn’t consider Peirce responsible enough. With the help of some alcohol, Peirce seduces a very reluctant Penelope and they have sex.

The next day, Peirce tells one of his female co-workers that he had sex with Penelope and he feels it actually meant something, which is unusual for him. She screams at him and tells him he’ll never get a green card now, once Jessica finds out. He says that Jessica won’t find out because he wouldn’t tell her and Penelope won’t tell her. She responds, “They are SISTERS, Peirce! CLOSE sisters! And close sisters talk!”

Peirce realizes she’s right. In a panic, he runs out of the office and goes home. He just barely stops Penelope from telling Jessica, but Penelope insists, saying that “we tell each other everything; no secrets.” He convinces her to postpone telling Jessica until after Monday at 11am, which is when his green card interview is. He needs Jessica to be in a good mood for that meeting or he might get deported.

Pierce’s crotchety Alpha 1.0 dad shows up, eager to meet his grandson. He takes his grandson to the beach with Peirce and Penelope. While there, grandpa hits on all the hot bikini girls and buys some weed from a local beach bum. Soon the little boy needs to go to the bathroom, and Peirce takes him to go, but grandpa stops them and tells the boy to just piss off the pier into the water.

“C’mon! Whip it out!” grandpa says. Peirce tells him you can’t pee off a pier, and grandpa says to the little boy, “Who you gonna listen to? Your dad, who for some buggering reason has turned into a boring old fart? Or your grandfather, who’s lived a rich and full life and doesn’t take shit from anybody?”

The boy smiles at grandpa and says, “You!” Grandpa then yells at Peirce to piss too, and all three of them pee off the pier in unison. Penelope sees this from a distance and smiles, her provider hunter desires rumbling.

At his final AA session, the head of the sessions refuse to sign Peirce’s document saying he’s attended ten sessions, saying that clearly Peirce isn’t repentant and is just showing up because he has to (which, of course, is true). Peirce gets angry, and after the class offers some of his dad’s weed to one of his cute female classmates, who politely refuses.

Later that evening, while smoking more weed, grandpa reveals to Peirce that the real reason for his visit is that his wife has left him. Peirce, already pissed off from his bad day, isn’t surprised and calls his dad a masochistic asshole. A huge argument ensues, and his dad leaves.

Later Peirce shoots his mouth off in the kitchen to Penelope about when they had sex, not realizing that Brian and Jessica are in the next room. Even though they’ve been separated for two years and Jessica has a new boyfriend, she explodes and kicks Penelope and Peirce out of her house. She refuses to go to Peirce’s green card meeting. His attorney says this will look bad but they will still do their best.

The green card meeting doesn’t go well. Jessica doesn’t show up. Peirce can’t prove he’s been to ten sessions of AA even though he has a DUI arrest on his record. The immigration officer shows tons of letters they sent Peirce over the years, only to be refused by Peirce with the words “bugger off” written on them. Lastly, Peirce discovers that the classmate he offered weed to was actually an undercover immigration agent assigned to his case, and smoking weed is still a crime in California.

Peirce is handcuffed and deported, crying as he says goodbye to his son.

Back in England and despondent, he visits his dad in the hospital. “You hate hospitals,” Peirce says. “Yeah,” says his dad, “But I love the nurses.”

His dad dies, and Peirce visits his grave.

Peirce is sadder than ever. The one consolation is that he starts teaching at Cambridge again, where the British students actually pay attention to his lectures, unlike the American students.

At this point, the movie takes it’s mandated, stupid, sappy, Disney, female-friendly, would-never-happen-in-real-life 90 degree turn in the plot. Peirce flies to Mexico and pays a coyote to smuggle him across the boarder to get back into the US. He quickly reconciles with his son, makes peace with Jessica who realizes she’s been a bitch all along, professes his love for Penelope on a beach with a romantic kiss, then proposes to her, and she of course says yes.

The movie ends there, because it’s Hollywood and it has to. If it had continued and remained true to its accuracy before the final ten minutes, it would have showed Peirce and Penelope go through a year or two of NRE before Peirce got sick of Penelope’s jealousy, screaming, and throwing things. Then he would have cheated on her and they would have gotten a divorce, likely with Peirce ending up with a second child he could not spend time with because he would have been deported again. The end.

A few things about how this movie reflects a lot of real life:

1. Alpha Male players, with very rare exception, always eventually get oneitis and try to settle down. Aging, Societal Programming, the desire to pair bond, and/or the desire to have kids always nail these guys. It’s just a matter of time. The concept of doing this while keeping the relationship sexually open usually doesn’t even occur to them. (“You can’t raise kids that way!!!”)

2. It never works. They always end up getting divorced or cheating (or both). Alphas don’t realize that sexually inexperienced beta males actually have less-bad odds of making long-term monogamy work than they do. Jessica and Beta Brian have less-bad odds of staying together than Jessica and Peirce ever did. (Granted, the divorce rate for betas is sky high too; that’s why I say “less-bad” odds instead of “better” odds. When it comes to lifetime monogamous marriage, there are no “better” odds anymore.)

3. Alphas are happiest when they’re Alphas. Alphas are never happy (in the long run) pretending to be betas.

4. The women who defend monogamy the most tend to be the same women who violate it by cheating. It’s true in this movie and it’s certainly true anecdotally in my life. The women I’ve seen scream the loudest about how great monogamy is are usually the same women who have recently cheated on their man.

5. Old, cranky, right-wing Alpha Male 1.0s are the greatest, funniest guys in the world. They’re from a much simpler era and they’re a huge amount of fun. Before he passed away, talking to my grandpa was one of my favorite things to do. We won’t see men like that again (in the Western world anyway).

25 Comments on “Some Kind of Beautiful

  1. Excellent post BD. Pierce’s troubles started the moment he got that chick knocked up. It seems as if alphas turn into betas the moment there is a bun in the oven.

  2. Excellent post BD. Pierce’s troubles started the moment he got that chick knocked up. It seems as if alphas turn into betas the moment there is a bun in the oven.

    Good point and a lot do, yes.

    can you list some other good Alpha 2.0 movies?

    Well, this technically isn’t an Alpha 2.0 movie, more of an overall good Alpha movie.

    I’m compiling a list of good Alpha movies that I’ll be posting over at the CJ Blog. Finding Alpha 2.0 specific movies would be much more difficult, but I can try. It’s easier to find Alpha Male 2.0 characters than actual movies or shows.

  3. Wikipedia says Salma Hayek, not Penelope Cruz. Whatever.

    Yeah. My error. Now that she’s lost a bunch of weight she looks just like Cruz.

    Have you watched Californication BD?   It’s a pretty funny show.

    Yeah. I like Duchovny and it’s definitely an Alpha show, but I could never get into it. It was too deep into male fantasy. He would just walk around looking like dumpy shit and gorgeous 10s would suddenly turn around, walk up to him, give them their phone numbers, and in the next scene he’d be fucking them. Fun, but this doesn’t happen in real life and that show really went crazy with this. Good show, just not my thing.

    My favorite Alpha Male TV shows from recent years are Rome, Nip/Tuck, and the first season of Hard Target. (Arrow would almost qualify if they removed the soap opera elements.)

     

  4. reading your blog is like taking weekly flu shots, except instead of for the flu and it being a dreadful way to spend my time, it’s for romantic social programming and i actually look forward to it.

    it’s Great.

    and just for the record. i’m physically healthy so i don’t actually have a need for flu shots. but for SP, it’s always, always welcome.

  5. Roger Moore was also a great cocksman!
    I like the age difference between the two , bond
    Being 20 yrs older than his leading lady!

  6. I got some rueful chuckles out of reading this.  If the shoe fits…

    Sexually inexperienced betas have less-bad chances of making monogamy work.  Yup.  That’s probably doubly so if the female is a beta too.  My anniversary card from my wife of 22 years said, “Even though the road has been long and bumpy, I’m so happy that I have traveled it with you.  I love you very much, sweetheart!”

    Betas are never happy (in the long run) pretending to be alphas.

    I certainly never was.

  7. Lord of War is good too, although it had some oneitis. Nice ending in both. It seems the newer the movie the more Disney/PC it is, even in superhero movies (Dark Knight Rises, Iron Man 3) the girl saves the hero’s life, Batman v Superman trailer suggests the same. Latest Bond wasn’t much better. Wish there were more movies with masculine characters who put themselves first like that https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLnTWxpTQt4

  8. Betas are never happy (in the long run) pretending to be alphas.

    Ah, but that’s not what I said. I said Alphas aren’t happy pretending to be betas. But betas will be much happier if they take the time and effort to become Alphas. I’m proof of this and so are many other men I’ve talked to.

    Alphas can pretend to be betas; they do it all the time when they go monogamous. But I don’t think a beta can “pretend” to be an Alpha for more than a few days.

    It seems the newer the movie the more Disney/PC it is

    Correct, that’s exactly how it is. And it will get worse.

  9. Yeah. I like Duchovny and it’s definitely an Alpha show,

    His character has constant and unending oneitis for the mother of his daughter. He wants desperately to be monogamous with her because she’s “not like the rest ™.”  He believes that polyamory is disgusting and morally reprehensible if it involves serious feelings (he’s only into monogamy when there are feelings and casual sex when there are no feelings) and in the second season called open relationships “an oxymoron (he said, “that’s like saying jumbo shrimp.”).”

    He has massive Madonna/whore against his own daughter, is constantly slut shaming her, wants her to either remain a pure virgin forever or a lesbian because, in his words, “men are pigs.” In the sixth season, he even punched a guy in the stomach for sleeping with his daughter.

    Not exactly an alpha 2.0 role model.

     

     

  10. Not exactly an alpha 2.0 role model.

    Correct. He’s not. The constant oneitis for his ex-wife really turned me off too. Agree on everything else you said. The character is a laid back version of an Alpha 1.0; plenty of Alpha but lots of internal Madonna/whore and Guy-Disney.

  11. The constant oneitis for his ex-wife really turned me off too.

    Actually, to his credit, she is not his ex-wife. They were never married because he didn’t believe in it. She was just his ex-girlfriend/baby-momma whom he used to live with.

  12. I have noticed that many Hollywood movies tend to depict happy endings between Alphas(1.0-2.0, you name it) and Dominants. Explosive love and hate relationships which eventually become pure, romantic and monogamous, and possibly lead to marriage. And this is the part when the movie usually ends.
    Is it only my impression or you think it’s a pattern?

  13. The most Alpha Male 2.0 character is definitely Charlie Harper in “Two and a half men”. At least up to around season 7 (?), when he went monogamous to 3 girls and was about to marry two of them. His death saved him the last time, lol.

  14. I have noticed that many Hollywood movies tend to depict happy endings between Alphas(1.0-2.0, you name it) and Dominants.

    Correct, though it’s more accurate to say that most female leads in romantic comedies are Dominants. Dominant is the feminine pop culture standard these days. So most primary female characters in movies and TV Shows are almost universally Dominants.

    And of course most hot guys in movies are going to be Alphas rather than betas in the beginning (though not 2.0 because that’s rare).

    Put those two things together, and yeah, most movies are about a Dominant woman betaizting an Alpha 1.0 into a compliant beta. Which frankly isn’t inaccurate, since this happens in real life all the time (though usually Dominants end up with men who are already betas).

    The problem is these movies never show the aftermath once the NRE is over (cheating, divorces, breakups, etc). They crank it up to the height of the NRE, culminating with moving in together, or a wedding, or a romantic marriage proposal, and then suddenly end right there.

    Good manipulative writing, but totally misleading.

  15. The problem is these movies never show the aftermath once the NRE is over (cheating, divorces, breakups, etc). They crank it up to the height of the NRE, culminating with moving in together, or a wedding, or a romantic marriage proposal, and then suddenly end right there.

    To be fair to the directors, in the case of this movie you can assume how Peirce will end up, by looking at his father’s life. Most likely Peirce will follow his father’s path.

    In regard to the intro where you talk about how the only Alpha models you find in today’s movies and those of Old Alpha males, I’ll throw some theory here:
    I’d guess that’s because society has reduced masculinity of today’s generation to an empty shell of what it used to be, that they just don’t take Alphas seriously anymore. That if you’re looking Alpha, then you’re just an imposer. So the only Alphas Hollywood allows are the old ones, but the exposure these Alpha models is similar to that of relics in a museums. They’re just there to look at. There’s no real threat to the status quo, coming from them.

     

  16. “C’mon! Whip it out!” grandpa says. Peirce tells him you can’t pee off a pier, and grandpa says to the little boy, “Who you gonna listen to? Your dad, who for some buggering reason has turned into a boring old fart? Or your grandfather, who’s lived a rich and full life and doesn’t take shit from anybody?”

    For the majority of impressionable boys, the grandfather is the sort of man they have an instinct for looking up to and modelling themselves on, and not the soft, modern-metrosexual man that lacks authority. And the worrying thing is, there is a large contingency of Beta males on the left who are fully sympathetic to women’s needs in the pursuit of equality that want Alphas to die out, which is to the detriment of us all.

  17. To be fair to the directors, in the case of this movie you can assume how Peirce will end up, by looking at his father’s life. Most likely Peirce will follow his father’s path.

    That is neither the implication or the intention of showing those scenes.

    I’d guess that’s because society has reduced masculinity of today’s generation to an empty shell of what it used to be, that they just don’t take Alphas seriously anymore. That if you’re looking Alpha, then you’re just an imposer. So the only Alphas Hollywood allows are the old ones, but the exposure these Alpha models is similar to that of relics in a museums. They’re just there to look at. There’s no real threat to the status quo, coming from them.

    Yeah, good theory. You might be right. Older Alphas are “safer.”

    To be fair, I don’t want to imply there are no younger Alphas in movies today. There are some rare exceptions; Fast and the Furious has a few (though even those guys are well over 40; Vin Diesel is almost 50!; so I guess we’re back to “older” again).

    For the majority of impressionable boys, the grandfather is the sort of man they have an instinct for looking up to and modelling themselves on, and not the soft, modern-metrosexual man that lacks authority.

    Agree. My dad was pretty masculine, but my grandpa (both of them) were way more masculine than even he was (including in bad ways), and I loved spending time with my grandpas.

  18. Excellent article BD.  My life appears to be very similar to the movie.  I knocked up a victoria’s secret type 14 years younger than me.  I had no intention of staying with this woman forever.  She pulled the classic “oops I’m pregnant” hijinks.  They call it birth control because someone is controlling the birth.  This kicked me into full on white knight beta protector mode.  It was gradual at first, slowly eating away any alpha behavior that was not conducive to her female imperative…hunting, fishing, cigar smoking, drinking, working out, reading, etc…  I am ashamed to admit it, but I eventually found myself 20lbs overweight, confidence zapped, and going to church with her.  When the baby was six months old and she had regained her VC body she announced she was not happy and had not been happy since one month after the bambino was born.  WTF!!  I was clueless.  She of course walked out on me and shacked up with an Alpha 1.0.  Long story short after thousands of dollars in court fees I am raising my daughter by myself and paying this whore over $1000 per month for the privilege of seeing my daughter.  We have joint and equal custody, but of course she lives off whatever man she is currently with to pay her bills….and she is hot enough that guys line up for it even though she has four kids and is one of the worst women I have encountered in my 30 plus years of dating and marriage.  Live and learn…live and learn.  I am proud to say I read your 2.0 book last year.  I took a year or so off dating, went into monk mode, got my shit together, got back in shape and now I am fully 2.0.  I am dating three girls ranging in age from 33 to 52.  All of them hit me with monogamy after a few months of dating.  I told them how it is and that I will never go back to my old ways. Two of them never flinched, the older one stopped dating me for a bit, but just like you said she came back. I have no drama now and live a purpose filled life.  My mission and who I am are the most important thing(other than my daughters) in my life.  No woman will ever become the sole purpose of my existence.  It was a very hard lesson to learn, but it was needed.  I wish I learned it when I was 25, not 45.  Thanks for your great advice!  Any man reading this must mold himself into a 2.0 if he truly wants to be happy.  It was about a two year transition for me because I am older and functioned to long as a 1.0 and beta, but in the end I could not be more happy.  I am the envy of all my old bastard friends who are so stuck in the quagmires they call marriage it is unreal.  Have fun!!

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