Once upon a time I had an MLTR in her early 20s whom I saw for several years. The sex was fantastic. She was sexually submissive, very nonverbal, and made lots of cute little feminine noises during sex. She had a very high sex drive, was extremely horny all the time, and it wasn’t difficult to make her cum. All wonderful. A+ in my book.

As is typically the case, she eventually did a LSNFTE, left me, and quickly got monogamous with an extremely needy, nice-guy beta male.

As is also typically the case, after about a year and a half of dating him, she started having sex with me again. She didn’t actually dump him; she enjoyed the ass-kissing and free stuff from her beta boyfriend too much. So she started cheating on him with me. (Ah, monogamy.)

All very normal and typical in my experience…until we had sex for the first time after being apart for so long.

During the entire time we had sex, she couldn’t stop talking. She was constantly barking orders at me or complaining. The sex was almost like…dare I say it…being married.

“Don’t kiss me like that!”

“My legs are cramping!”

“Your stubble is rubbing against my legs!”

“OW! My hair!”

“Hurry up. My pussy is getting sore.”

“No, don’t do that. Do this instead. I don’t like that.”

“Don’t touch my neck like that!”

“Could you just hurry up and cum already?”

It was a bizarre experience. It was the same body and the same voice, but it was a completely different woman from the one I had sex with almost two years prior. She had done a complete 180 from Submissive to Dominant.

Since demanding women are a huge turn-off for me, I actually had trouble staying hard, a problem I hadn’t had in a very long time. Finally, even though she had already cum twice, I said, “Forget it. Let’s stop. I can’t get hard with you.”

She suddenly became very concerned. (Ohhhh, women hate it when it looks like they don’t turn you on.) “Why?” she asked, “You don’t want to cum?”

“I can’t cum if I can’t get hard, and I can’t get hard with you.” I pulled off of her and rolled over, moving to put my clothes back on.

“Why???” she protested, her eyes wide and scared.

“Because you’re too demanding. That’s a turn-off. I can’t get hard with a demanding woman, much less cum. So let’s just stop.”

“Okay, okay!” she pleaded, “I’ll stop! Please fuck me!”

I eyed her, told her I’d try one more time, and then started again. Sure enough, she stayed quiet, but I could tell she was doing it for me and not her. At least I was able to get hard and finish, but it was definitely not what I would call an enjoyable sexual experience.

I knew exactly what was going on. After having beta sex with a submissive, needy beta who followed her orders and kissed her ass for so long, what she became accustomed to sexually was now completely different. Instead of being accustomed to having sex with a sexually dominant Alpha, she was now accustomed to having sex with a slave who didn’t to anything unless he was told, and did exactly what he was told, when he was told. This transformed her sexually from one woman into another, at least to some degree.

Sure enough, she told me about how she and the boyfriend would often hang out together over an entire weekend and not have sex at all. Back when she and I were dating, we would have sex several times a day on the days we were with each other, 100% of the time. Spending time with a woman I’m dating and not having sex with her is a completely alien concept to me. I literally don’t understand why a man would do this. (“There are other things a man can do with a woman, BD!” Yes, I know, and I do all those other things in addition to having sex. It’s not one or the other; a healthy relationship has both.)

When I asked her why she and her boyfriend would often go an entire weekend with zero sex, she would give the typical monogamous-wife excuse of “Usually I’m tired and don’t feel like it.”

She had never, ever said anything like that to me when we had been dating, even after dating for well past 18 months.

One woman, then another.

More Beta Males = More Dominant Women

I could tell you other stories similar to this. I’ve mentioned many stories about how submissive women will suddenly man-up and become tougher when they start dating a more submissive man. I see it often. The man changes the woman into a dominant.

We could argue that such a woman will again be a submissive once she dumps that beta and goes back to an Alpha. That may be true for some women.

Many of us guys like to think that the reason men are such pussies these days as compared to decades ago is because the evil feminists drove men into becoming wimps. This is somewhat true, but only to a degree. It also worked in reverse. As men became more and more beta due to various reasons (including laziness and complacency), women reacted to this by becoming more dominant.

Today, most women are Dominants. This is directly because most men have become betas.

Yes, you can blame dominant bitches and feminists for some of these men, but I also blame men for becoming betas. I don’t give men a pass on this; it’s their fault too. As I’ve shown many times, women are highly reactive and malleable creatures. They will react like chameleons to whatever men they date. If you’re a strong, dominant, outcome independent, high sex drive Alpha who doesn’t take any crap, she’ll more likely be a more horny, submissive, feminine girl. On the other hand, if you’re a needy, lovey-dovey, obedient beta who never nexts her and always puts up with her demands and bullshit, she’ll likely act more demanding, dominant, bitchy, and picky. (And she’ll cheat on you and have sex with men like me.)

Not all women do this of course, and some will change more than others, but a decent percentage of women will indeed react like this, at least to some degree.

That’s why the more betas in a society, the more dominant, bitchy women you’re going to have. That’s how this works.

That’s also why the more beta YOU are, the more dominant and bitchy the women you tend to date will be. That’s also how this works.

As usual, I don’t care about society since Western society clearly wants to drive itself off a cliff. But YOU can decide to become more Alpha and less beta, and just doing this alone will make the woman you date more feminine, sexual, submissive, pleasing, and less bitchy.

Try it and you’ll see.

48 Comments on “More Beta Males Equal More Dominant Women, Literally

  1. I think i´m being a real beta male my girlfriend who was so horny no spend like 9 days or more without sex she says i´m tired and all that bullshit and the worse part is when we broke some moths ago we been separated for 2 moths well let´s just say that she has really a lot of sex now she is with me again and she is tired….i´m starting to fell really dumb here.

  2. @ BD – Having been through something very similar, I have a question. Did this woman of yours also complain about the beta? Mine did.

  3. “During the entire time we had sex, she couldn’t stop talking. She was constantly barking orders at me or complaining. ”

    Ball gag. Simple and cost-effective.

  4. You don’t like when women tell you what they want in bed? Or do you not like when women don’t enjoy the sex they’re having with you, or a combination there of?

    This is the issue that I have when I get trapped into monogamous relationships. The sex is great and we go at it like rabbits. Then after the 3-6 month mark, sex isn’t as important any more and I get the “there is more to me than sex” speech. I’m made to feel like having sex with me has become a chore. My high sex drive is appealing only up until they demand monogamy it is so frustrating! They all claim to have a high sex drive, but I think its all a ruse. But they also get hurt and offended that I’m using my sex toys, so WTF?

    In my last relationship my ex pursued me relentlessly, we fucked like wild, then I got the “I need commitment or this has to stop speech”, I accepted and the sex stopped immediately. (I’m starting to think when I get these ultimatums that the sex is going to stop anyways? That seems to be the pattern) I called him out on it and it got to the point where if I wanted sex he would just lay there like a starfish. He wouldn’t react at anything I did, he would just quietly lay there or he would just go soft. It made me feel like I was raping him. I broke things off after two weeks of that.

  5. I too have had a similar experience where once a woman experiences a beta guy she might change how she is with me but only if I ALLOW her to do so. In my experience if a women’s behavior has changed it happens before I even see her again in how she communicates with me via text, email, etc. Since I always escalate immediately to sex with any boomerang, any attitude can be weeded out and corrected for in advance of meeting in person again otherwise I don’t let her boomerang.

    As we speak, I have a boomerang that is being BRUTAL with her current bf. I would feel bad for him if it wasn’t 100% his fault. But ultimately it is of no concern of mine. She is coming over Thursday and has a specific orgasm goal she must achieve for me (my Os not hers) or she gets punished. So long as you remain clear on what you want and expect, remain outcome independent and keep your frame the women don’t “change.” Beta men don’t make women dominant. A woman might act more dominant WITH the beta guy but it in no way changes her underlying nature. If anything, beta men make it easier for a dominant guy since they are completely unsatisfied with the beta they are dating and come running back to dominant guys from their past and now are willing to accept whatever terms since they realize how hard it is to find a confident, dominant guy that knows how to rock their world in bed. The more beta guys out there the better as far as I am concerned.

    @Fluff

    I think the joke goes something like this:

    Question: “What is a man’s definition of a nymphomaniac?”
    Answer: “Any woman that wants to have sex one more time than he does.”

    🙂

    The short answer is that for many people, myself included, no matter how hot a girl is and how freaky she is in bed. and how great the connection, after 20-50x (depending on the girl) of having sex with her the “new car smell” is gone. It can still be good but it can’t be fantastic.

    Most men cannot handle a women that is truly comfortable with her sexuality. You have to find that rare guy that really is ok with it…and even then it won’t last that long.

  6. Did this woman of yours also complain about the beta?

    Of course. A lot.

    Betas satisfy women’s Societal Programming and Obsolete Biological Wiring, but they don’t make women happy.

    You don’t like when women tell you what they want in bed?

    During sex? Over and over again? Nope. Don’t like that at all.

    When we’re not having sex? Having a conversation like two adults who want to make each other feel good? Yes, that I like.

    do you not like when women don’t enjoy the sex they’re having with you

    Yes, I don’t like that either.

    This is why I don’t fuck hookers and don’t really like fucking sugar babies (with unusual exceptions). If she’s not attracted to me and not enjoying herself, then I’m not enjoying myself sexually. Sex is a two-way street (at least for me).

    This is the issue that I have when I get trapped into monogamous relationships.

    No one gets “trapped” into monogamous relationships. You’re CHOOSING to do them because you get needy or territorial. 

    Then after the 3-6 month mark, sex isn’t as important any more and I get the “there is more to me than sex” speech. I’m made to feel like having sex with me has become a chore. My high sex drive is appealing only up until they demand monogamy it is so frustrating! They all claim to have a high sex drive, but I think its all a ruse. But they also get hurt and offended that I’m using my sex toys, so WTF?

    YEP. THAT’S MONOGAMY.

    Do FBs / MLTRs / OLTR instead. Monogamy sucks (unless you are low sex drive or like drama).

  7. “Don’t kiss me like that!”

    “My legs are cramping!”

    “Your stubble is rubbing against my legs!”

    “OW! My hair!”

    “Hurry up. My pussy is getting sore.”

    “No, don’t do that. Do this instead. I don’t like that.”

    “Don’t touch my neck like that!”

    “Could you just hurry up and cum already?”

     

    These are all things women say when shes not having a good time. A true dominant woman knows how to give direction in a better way. This just sounds complainy, awful, and like she was pretty miserable. Sounds like you weren’t the only one having trouble getting off.

  8. Duringsex? Over and over again? Nope. Don’t like that at all.

    Do you listen to them during sex? If someone keeps complaining during sex, I’d assume that I didn’t know their body well enough or that we simply weren’t sexually compatible. To each their own though.

    Yes, I don’t like that either.

    This is why I don’t fuck hookers and don’t really like fucking sugar babies (with unusual exceptions). If she’s not attracted to me and not enjoying herself, then I’m not enjoying myself sexually. Sex is a two-way street (at least for me).

    Makes sense.

    No one gets “trapped” into monogamous relationships. You’re CHOOSING to do them because you get needy or territorial. 

    I’m neither needy or territorial. I’ve already explained my dilemma to you. You claimed that you had an article coming in a few weeks to help me, now you’re  changing your tune.

    Do FBs / MLTRs / OLTR instead. Monogamy sucks (unless you are low sex drive or like drama).

    Once again, I’ve explained my dilemma to you. You claimed you had an article that would help with my situation.

  9. I think the joke goes something like this:
    Question: “What is a man’s definition of a nymphomaniac?”
    Answer: “Any woman that wants to have sex one more time than he does.”
    🙂
    The short answer is that for many people, myself included, no matter how hot a girl is and how freaky she is in bed. and how great the connection, after 20-50x (depending on the girl) of having sex with her the “new car smell” is gone. It can still be good but it can’t be fantastic.
    Most men cannot handle a women that is truly comfortable with her sexuality. You have to find that rare guy that really is ok with it…and even then it won’t last that long.

    Lol sounds about right. I don’t have an issue if someone gets bored with me sexually, shit happens. I just don’t understand why they fight so hard to get me into a relationship. I also don’t understand why the men I’ve dated want to stay in a sexually dissatisfying/sexless relationship when it gets to that point. They claim that sex is no longer a priority after a while. It just doesn’t make sense to me. I would rather just keep things in the FWB zone, but the other party always ends up wanting “something more”. Can’t seem to find people on the same page as me.

  10. Sounds like you weren’t the only one having trouble getting off.

    She came. I always make sure women cum.

    But I agree she wasn’t having fun.

    Do you listen to them during sex?

    Sure. Then I next them. (If they’re bitchy/whiny like that.)

    You claimed that you had an article coming in a few weeks to help me

    If you’re a woman, yes, I do. And it’s much more than “an article.” Watch this blog next Monday.

    now you’re changing your tune.

    I never change my tune. I’m as consistent as the north star. Monogamy = problems, regardless of any advice you read. I don’t advise people in monogamous relationships.

  11. If you’re a woman, yes, I do. And it’s much more than “an article.” Watch this blog next Monday. I never change my tune. I’m as consistent as the north star. Monogamy = problems, regardless of any advice you read. I don’t advise people in monogamous relationships.

    I look forward to your next blog post. I agree. I know I’m a non-monogamous person, I can’t find other people who share the same views as I do though.

  12. I can offer an explanation from a woman’s perspective: The stronger the connection I’m experiencing with a man, the more I feel “in love” or similar, the less important the physical side of the sexual experience is in terms of reaching orgasm. I simply come more easily. The moment I start sleeping with another man, the level of the connection I experience with the first man decreases – it may go away completely (I may indeed end up being repulsed) or it may still remain quite strong, if the feeling of connection with the new man does not beat that for the first one. Nonetheless, the level of this connection* with the first man inevitably drops at least a little, even if the new man should just be a meaningless ONS.

    And that means my chances of orgasming are suddenly more dependent on the physical stimulation than before. The higher the dependence on physical stimulation, the more likely I am to start giving instructions. First non-verbal (leading his hand somewhere, arching my back differently), then – if these are ignored – I would even resort to requests / instructions (if I wish to continue sleeping with the man). I do try being gentle, but I also care about my orgasms a lot.

    * This connection, btw, is different from physical attraction – a strong physical attraction I can feel towards more men at the same time, the connection apparently only with one.

    Does it shed some light on your experience?

  13. For all their claims of being more sensitive to people and relationships, women seem childishly reductionist to me most of the time.  They are such goofs.

     

    Like your girl who tried to treat you like she treated the beta. All she was doing was what had worked most recently. She seemed to have no idea that what works on a specific person works because of who the person is, and that a totally different kind of person will require different treatment.

    An extreme version of this tendency is in the video below. This woman is so used to relating to the world around her in a bossy, entitled way, that she fails totally to alter her behavior to fit the actual situation she is in.

    She thinks she can out alpha a different species.  A bear.

    She wins, I guess, since eventually the bear, just like you, got tired of her yapping.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU5cMZymSr0

     

  14. Her: “I need you to change that lamp, it’s too hard for me and I know you can do it”

    Me: ” It’s Friday, I’m tired and don’t feel like it”

    Her: “BUT YOU HAVE TO DO IT BECAUSE MY KITCHEN WILL BE IN THE DARK IF YOU DON’T”

    Me: “So? Still don’t feel like it. Call some home service guy or shit, pay him a couple of bucks and boom!, problem solved.”

    Her: “You’re worthless (makes an ugly face, runs to the bedroom).”

    Me: ” Not worthless, tired (already undressing and hitting the shower).”

    This was one of my last interactions with my very late monogamous ex. And people ask me why I’m not going mono ever again LOL.

     

     

  15. Sounds like the chemistry between the two of you is no longer there, for sure.  I don’t know about beta males making women sexually dominant.  I was married to one for 13 years, and while it definitely forced me to be more dominant in some areas, with him, it didn’t translate over to other men.  I still could never boss him around like that in the bedroom, no matter how badly he wanted me to.  I just don’t have it in me.

    When a guy asks me for direction in bed I completely clam up and it totally turns me off.  It ruins the fantasy for me and makes it impossible to get into a sex trance or get off.  Sometimes when I hear about or see how other women behave in bed I think I must be on the extreme side of submissive.

    The other day I was with a guy and we were watching people having sex on webcam.  There was this guy with like 2 women and one of them made a comment after she said something that was “oh, wait, I’m supposed to be submissive”.  I was thinking wtf?  I guess with me its actually my nature, not a role I’m pretending to play and there is a difference.  It’s why BDSM and safe words and all that don’t appeal to me.  I need a man to dominate me for real, not something staged.

    As far as this woman you were with, she is saying things that I have THOUGHT during bad sex, but not stuff I would say out loud, except maybe ouch you are pulling my hair. :p  That can even happen during good sex, lol.  Still, it sounds like things were really “off” between you two and maybe its because the dynamic has changed.  Before you were in love, now you are not.  Huge difference.

     

     

  16. I love sex and I have a very high sex drive, but after a few months with a beta? Sex started to feel like a chore. So I wouldn’t say I got “dominant,” per se, but just…incredibly annoyed. Back when I was dating betas, I felt constantly irritated, which definitely translated into bitchy behavior…which translated into even MORE bitchy behavior because I was irritated with them for putting up with it!

    When a man lets me get away with bitchiness, I lose respect for him, especially because I never wanted to be bitchy in the first place; it was just something I felt unable to control. I didn’t know, back then, that anything other than monogamy was even a thing, that I had choices, etc., so I didn’t understand why I was pissed off and angry all the time around those boyfriends. It was unpleasant for everyone involved.

    I don’t want to control anyone or be controlled by anyone (outside the bedroom, anyway)! But I want whoever I’m with to have self respect and communication skills, and if you can’t stand up for yourself you don’t have either.

  17. Wow, what a nightmare BD. no way to enjoy sex with a woman doing that. Failed boner for sure.

    Nature abhors a vacuum…….if you, as the man, aren’t dominant, for sure the women might move to be more dominant. I find the corollary more interesting, when a women meets a man more dominant than she is, she falls into line and acts appropriately. Although sometimes I find that, with some women, it takes too much energy to out-dominate them…..too much work and not enough reward.

    I recall the young lady that, during a blowjob, pushed my hand off the top of her head rather violently. Lost boner…..session ended. Those women are hard to deal with.

  18. @ Fluff

    The sex is great and we go at it like rabbits. Then after the 3-6 month mark, sex isn’t as important any more and I get the “there is more to me than sex” speech……

    …..then I got the “I need commitment or this has to stop speech”

    It took me a few seconds to realise that this was what a man said to a woman, not the other way round! 🙂

    It’s common I think, for men to hear this from women. “You only want me for sex bla bla bla..”

    But it does highlight the fact that there are men out there ruining it for the rest of us.

    Obviously with a high sex drive like yours, you need more than one man in your life, or a real man who can keep up with you. 😀

  19. I’ve seen some stats thrown out that 70%-80% of men in America are beta. From my experience, the actual number is 90% or more. Guys are scared, or secretly want to be Alpha but worried their actions will be perceived as negative.

    Be Alpha. Don’t be a dick. There’s a difference.

  20. “Many of us guys like to think that the reason men are such pussies these days as compared to decades ago is because the evil feminists drove men into becoming wimps. This is somewhat true, but only to a degree. It also worked in reverse. As men became more and more beta due to various reasons (including laziness and complacency), women reacted to this by becoming more dominant.”

    —————————

    There is, in fact, a line of thinking that holds that feminism happened entirely for that reason.

    http://seanmaccloud.blogspot.com/2009/10/how-and-why-feminism-happened.html

    Feminism didn’t simply bully it’s way into everything.

    Western (white) man became weaker due to his technology making it possible for runts to survive to sexual maturity.

    Those runts form coalitions against the fewer and better men.

    THAT is liberalism.

    Those coalitions allow the runts to win the females and mate with them.

    BUT that means that the next generation of men is no stronger than they were.

    And then even runtier runts do to them what they did to the original alphas.

    So the next generation is even weaker!

    This cycle repeats thousands upon thousands of times.

    Eventually the men become so weak that the females take over.

    And THAT is feminism (straw that broke the camel’s back).

    And now, sensing the same weakness in the white man as his females, the non-white men are taking over too.

    THAT is multi-cult.

     

     

     

  21. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/10/151019072032.htm

    Seems communication here potentially even alleviates some of this betaization induced lack of sex drive? It suggests that her sex life got better from talking to her beta partner about it.

    I understand though that you got turned off more by the way it was communicated to you rather than the fact she even communicates it at all.

    In my experience I have been flabbergasted by the sheer number of women who are clueless about their own sexual preferences etc and require a man to take the lead for the woman’s own pleasure..

  22. This topic reminds me of an interesting book: The Superior Man, by David Deida. He discusses the dynamic of masculine-feminine polarity. As I recall, he says it can be seen even in how a man talks with a woman (such as, if he talks to her with high energy verbosity, with ‘fluttery’ variation in tonality, seeming feminine, she instinctively feels she has less space to express herself in a feminine manner in that exchange).

    As for communicating in bed, a woman can ASK for what she wants, in a tone of sweet respect or humility (which can be very feminine and very sexy), rather than presuming to command it, which seems so cold-hearted and utterly selfish, masculine, joyless, and maybe somewhat disrespectful — a powerful turn off. There is a happy medium between barking orders and saying nothing at all.

  23. @Fluff: “In my last relationship my ex pursued me relentlessly, we fucked like wild, then I got the ‘I need commitment or this has to stop speech’, I accepted and the sex stopped immediately. (I’m starting to think when I get these ultimatums that the sex is going to stop anyways? That seems to be the pattern)”

    What happened to me, when I still believed in “true” monogamy (about 6 years ago), was that I wanted to have sex constantly with my (now) ex, but she would just let me fuck her, a complete turn-off for me (if you don’t want it don’t make me waste my fucking time). I once go on her until she got so horny that she would cooperate. Then she wanted to become my GF, eventually I accepted, and then she started to want to have sex everytime we saw each other, and that confused me a lot. I didn’t want to spend all my time with her having sex cause “there was more than sex in that relationship”, I wanted that when we were just FWB; but also: why the fuck did she want to have sex all the time AFTER we got into the relationship and not before? I end up guessing she was “hunting” me.

    Anyway… why did this bother me? Maybe because I was a beta, I believe it’s the fucking power of societal programming…

  24. @Silver Lining Girl: “When a man lets me get away with bitchiness, I lose respect for him, especially because I never wanted to be bitchy in the first place; it was just something I felt unable to control.”

    How, as a women, do you believe the man should react to that?
    1) Ignore and next
    2) Argue against you being bitchy
    3) Laugh and minimize
    4) Listen, not losing control, then changing subject as if nothing happened
    5) Other option

  25. @evilwhitemalempire,

    A fairly ignorant theory, completely ignoring the historical presence of matriarchal societies in ancient history.

    A better explanation may be had through r/k selection theory.

  26. BD: she told me about how she and the boyfriend would often hang out together over an entire weekend and not have sex at all

    I didn’t think this kind of thing even happened to young hotties but I’ve heard some girls tell a similar story. My very cute ex-FB (19) complained her boyfriend had dated her for 18 months but they only had sex twice in that whole time. Madness. I gave her the good seeing-to she was craving.

    BD: Ohhhh, women hate it when it looks like you don’t turn them on.

    I assume you mean ‘like THEY don’t turn YOU on’? And you’re right, wow do they get pissed if they think they can’t get you off. Sometimes I’ve said it just for fun to see the reaction. Usually involves her doubling down on her efforts: ‘I’ll show him, I’ll suck/f*ck him so hard’ etc. Good times.

  27. Elkay Mann: How, as a women, do you believe the man should react to that?
    1) Ignore and next
    2) Argue against you being bitchy
    3) Laugh and minimize
    4) Listen, not losing control, then changing subject as if nothing happened
    5) Other option

    A tough question, I lost a personal 9 that way. I initially responded with option 1 but she kept re-engaging, then I tried option 2 the next time she was bitchy which was also the wrong one. I had entered into her frame by letting her get to me. Had to just walk away in the end for my own sanity and to prevent oneitis. I was just discovering game so I never got to sex even though I should have. What a shame, she had an outstanding body. Hardcore type 2 VYW as well, currently with a man 22 years older than she is.

  28. Yeah I defiantly need more men in my life, I have yet to meet a man who is on the same page as me. Which is why I keep ending up in these unfulfilling monogamous relationships. I’m hoping thats all going to change though, BD has a blog coming out on Monday, I hope it’ll give me new tools to get the type of sexual relationship I’m looking for.

  29. @Elkay

    What happened to me, when I still believed in “pure” monogamy (about 6 years ago), was that I wanted to have sex constantly with my (now) ex, but she would just let me fuck her, a complete turn-off for me (if you don’t want it don’t make me waste my fucking time). I once go on her until she got so horny that she would cooperate. Then she wanted to become my GF, eventually I accepted, and then she started to want to have sex everytime we saw each other, and that confused me a lot. I didn’t want to spend all my time with her having sex cause “there was more than sex in that relationship”, I wanted that when we were just FWB; but also: why the fuck did she want to have sex all the time AFTER we got into the relationship and not before? I end up guessing she was “hunting” me.
    Anyway… why did this bother me? Maybe because I was a beta, I believe it’s the fucking power of societal programming…

    I’ve learned over the years that everyone is different. It sounds like your ex may have been a demisexual. These types of people need an emotional connection to have sex. I keep meeting men who are monogamous and demisexual. There are various types of sexualities and various degrees of emotional, romantic, and sexual connections that people need to have or lack. I know the all sex no love lifestyle doesn’t work for everyone and thats ok. The current guy I’m having sex with said he’s had open relationships and they don’t work for him, he also said FWBs make him feel empty. Thats fine for him, but I have no business being in a relationship with people who want monogamy or emotional/romantic connections. I’m not about policing peoples lives and making them do what they don’t want to do, it just gets frustrating when it seems like no one else wants what I want. It is frustrating.

  30. Isn’t the most alpha move of all not giving a shit if a woman cums?

     

    Okay it sounds pretty fucking bad, but it’s an instinct of mine.

     

    I like making women cum but I never obsess over it.

  31. Billyboy, it’s a fine line.  You can’t be good in bed if you truly don’t give a shit if the woman cums.  The difference is between dominating and MAKING her cum (hot) vs pandering to her and submitting to her demands (not hot).  The best lovers I have ever had, were definitely givers in bed, but they also took what they wanted and pushed boundaries.

  32. How, as a women, do you believe the man should react to that?
    1) Ignore and next
    2) Argue against you being bitchy
    3) Laugh and minimize
    4) Listen, not losing control, then changing subject as if nothing happened
    5) Other option

    A tough question, I lost a personal 9 that way. I initially responded with option 1 but she kept re-engaging, then I tried option 2 the next time she was bitchy which was also the wrong one. I had entered into her frame by letting her get to me. Had to just walk away in the end for my own sanity and to prevent oneitis. I was just discovering game so I never got to sex even though I should have.

    It’s tough because the bitchiness isn’t the main problem; it’s the symptom. The betas were infuriating because they gave me all the choices and refused to make any of their own or even provide input, they wouldn’t call me out when I was wrong, and when I got bitchy they put up with it.

    People who put up with bitching of that sort don’t have stellar self-esteem, and if you don’t care about you, why should I? If you don’t value yourself, why should I? I shouldn’t. When a man puts up with that kind of bitchiness, it’s like he’s staring me in the face and saying “don’t respect me.”

    For me, personally, the solution was dating men who stand up for themselves, and who value and respect themselves and do so rightfully…so these days, my bitchiness is strictly hunger-related.

    Oh, and; I don’t know about #1, but #2 and #3 are just going to make a bitchy woman a furious woman. The “Listen, not losing control” part of #4 is great, but I don’t think it’s productive to move on without addressing it.

  33. #1, but #2 and #3 are just going to make a bitchy woman a furious woman.

    #1 – who cares if she’s furious. She can go be furious with her vibrator. If a soft next doesnt work, its a hard one and you’re outta there.

    2. Never argue. Always cool. Maintain frame. Whatever, if she does. That’s unnecessary drama and inviting fights.

    3. Will work, probably the best. Maybe a simple joke instead of a laugh. However, minimizing is a form of trivialization. If you trivialize, you’re just buying time and you must *quietly* fix the problem, since the person will be back and more pissed if you dont. Its an effective managerial strategy.

    Fixing though, in this case – addressing it later when shes calm. You don’t want to address anything with her in that state. A soft next will probably be necessary, a hard if she really gets furious. Nobody needs that shit.

  34. Feminism didn’t simply bully it’s way into everything.

    Correct. It didn’t.

    This topic reminds me of an interesting book: The Superior Man, by David Deida.

    Yes. He also talks about how, during sex, there must be ONE BOSS and one submissive, and both people need to be 100% cool with what they are. You can’t have 50/50 sex, and in my opinion you can’t tell the more sexually dominant person “You be the submissive today and I’ll be the boss.” I know many couples try that but I don’t see that as a long-term solution.

    As for communicating in bed, a woman can ASK for what she wants, in a tone of sweet respect or humility (which can be very feminine and very sexy), rather than presuming to command it,

    Yep, that’s my deal. Ask your master. Nicely. Maybe he’ll do it. Maybe he won’t.

    During sex is the only time I’m a controlling Alpha 1.0.

    I didn’t think this kind of thing even happened to young hotties but I’ve heard some girls tell a similar story.

    It can. Betaization and “Dominantization” can and does occur with any woman of any age. The very first time I noticed it was with a 19 year-old.

    I assume you mean ‘like THEY don’t turn YOU on’?

    Typo. Fixed. Thanks.

    Isn’t the most alpha move of all not giving a shit if a woman cums?

    Yes, if you don’t care at all about relationship length or return rate. The one-night-stand 100% player Alpha wouldn’t give a shit about making a woman cum, for example.

  35. I totally disagree about “alpha” men not caring if they make a woman cum. My ex husband, who is probably one of the more beta men on the planet, did not care if I came. He made no effort whatsoever. Selfish does not equal “alpha” at all. The most “alpha” men I know are very good in bed- not selfish at all. Theres a reason they end up sleeping with so many women, and its not because they dont give orgasms!

    The guy I most recently slept with, who definitely has some very alpha characteristics, the one who managed to get me (who normally doesnt go for it) to have anal sex the first time we slept together, was super giving in bed but also super dominant. Hes a millionaire CEO and a former big name college football player- hes totally non jealous and what you would term an alpha 2.0. He definitely cared about making me cum- just not in a supplicating way.

    Men often mistake asshole for alpha but they really arent the same at all. The guy I call Mr Firm on my blog, he has slept with over 500 women and is very much what I would call “alpha” but again, more giving than most and you better be sure he is going to make a woman cum when they have sex. Dont go around confusing selfish in bed for alphaness. True alpha men are good in bed. Men who are selfish in bed are just lame.

  36. BD: It can. Betaization and “Dominantization” can and does occur with any woman of any age. The very first time I noticed it was with a 19 year-old.

    You misunderstand, what I actually meant by ‘I didn’t think this kind of thing happened to young hotties’ was get into a mono relationship with a guy that doesn’t seem to want to have sex with them very much. But I’ve now heard it from a few of them. I’d be in there like a rat up a drainpipe 🙂

  37. @Silver Lining Girl: “The ‘Listen, not losing control’ part of #4 is great, but I don’t think it’s productive to move on without addressing it.”

    I’m not sure if I understood. You mean you should discuss whatever she says, later, in order to make this option a good option? That’s the idea, wait until the discussion can go on your terms, in a relaxed situation.

  38. You mean you should discuss whatever she says, later, in order to make this option a good option? That’s the idea, wait until the discussion can go on your terms, in a relaxed situation.

    Precisely. You shouldn’t let issues build up, but you shouldn’t be untangling them while in emotional turmoil, either. Being listened to and feeling heard often helps people calm down, after which you can turn that negative interaction into a positive discussion about how to actually figure things out or fix them.

    Keep in mind, though, that this is for situations where there’s an actual problem that can be addressed…but the active listening thing is a good soother in general.

  39. @Silver Lining Girl: Thank you. This confirms my attitude in relationships lately has been a very sensible decision.

  40. what I actually meant by ‘I didn’t think this kind of thing happened to young hotties’ was get into a mono relationship with a guy that doesn’t seem to want to have sex with them very much. But I’ve now heard it from a few of them.

    Oh dude. Young super-hotties get temporarily monogamous with pussy betas all the time.

    The common manosphere trope of “women hate betas” is not true. Women love betas…for a while.

    They just A) cheat a lot of them and/or B) don’t stick around very long.

  41. In fact, hot women of all ages get temporarily monogamous to betas. The difference is:

    1) when they do they are usually in provider/relationship hunting mode
    2) the guy clings to her like his life depended on it
    3) sex is not a priority, Disney is
    4) they do not respect the man as they would if he acted more Alpha

    In other words, totally unbalanced relationship.

  42. So many modern men are so incredibly Beta without even realising it. And the increase in tattoos, facial hair and gym attendance only amplifies their Beta-ness in an ironic way by desperately trying to counteract the conditioning by trying to look masculine. I can swear I’m blown out in milli-seconds because I’m not a pretty-boy Beta with chiselled features and everything else to match. Beta males are meant to be more ‘sensitive’, but I think if they were properly sensitive in a profound and masculine way, they would be sensitive to being betarized by their bullying girlfriends and wives and would tell them where to go – I just cannot believe the number of damn feminine styled 4x4s and crossovers that are the family vehicle of choice now – a sure sign that the wife has the final say on the vehicle of choice and these men have to be seen driving these bulbous handbags on wheels. There are plenty of masculine estates that do the job adequately if more room is needed for the family dog. These men’s testosterone levels must be almost completely depleted. In contrast to this, a higher percentage of men in their fifties and sixties look to have avoided this onslaught.

  43. These are all things women say when shes not having a good time. A true dominant woman knows how to give direction in a better way. This just sounds complainy, awful, and like she was pretty miserable. Sounds like you weren’t the only one having trouble getting off.

    I think she didn’t have a good time too, so women that aren’t comfortable and relaxing psychologically can still orgasm, twice?

    To be honest, I truly respect BD’s return rate after a LSNFTE, which is a huge Outcome Independent source when dealing with current relationships, however if majority of sex are like this then it’s surely a disappointment. Does she ever crave sex with you again or it’s the end?

  44. Seems I’m still having trouble getting my point across. I know that young hotties will get into mono relationships with pussy betas all the time but often they won’t be having sex even though the women want to. That’s what I can’t understand, why don’t today’s young men want to have sex with their hot GF’s? Although I shouldn’t complain as they often come to me if they aren’t getting it from their beta BF’s 🙂

  45. Seems I’m still having trouble getting my point across. I know that young hotties will get into mono relationships with pussy betas all the time but often they won’t be having sex even though the women want to. That’s what I can’t understand, why don’t today’s young men want to have sex with their hot GF’s? Although I shouldn’t complain as they often come to me if they aren’t getting it from their beta BF’s

    From my experience it is a multitude of things. Stress, getting “comfortable”, undisclosed kinks/fetishes (None of the guys I dated ever came out and said this, but I suspect that perhaps they got bored with me because they were into some kinks/fetishes that they felt they couldn’t talk to me about, or felt wrong about). It also seems to me that sex just ISN’T as IMPORTANT to them. They want emotional stuff, they want to cuddle, they want a romantic connection, they want an emotional connection, they want partnership. They’ve got deep bonding needs that seem to outweigh their sexual needs. Looking back at my relationships, when the sex died my ex’s would complain that there was more to them than just sex. I guess they felt like I was using them and not filling their expectations of what a partner should be. So I would end the relationship, but they never wanted to break up. I still don’t understand it. I understand that SOME people need emotional/romantic attachments to have sex with someone. But I don’t understand wanting to keep someone around who doesn’t fill those needs. I’m attempting to fight off another situation like this. I’m currently having sex with a guy who wants to go mono, but I don’t want to. I know in the grand scheme of things this is going to end in drama, once I find other men to fuck, because he wants commitment. I’ve been honest and open with him, we’re both enjoying the sex right now. He’s agreed to our arrangement right now, but I believe that is only because I don’t have anyone else in the picture as of now.

  46. Walk into any bar/nightclub in San Francisco and you can see this phenomenon with your own eyes; handfuls of above-average-to-hot-women prancing around with their beta boyfriends in tow, like puppy dogs on a leash.

    My favorite part of it all is when you see a woman let go of her bf’s hand, and the bf chases her down to reestablish physical contact.  Hmm, this could make for an interesting drinking game.

  47. That’s what I can’t understand, why don’t today’s young men want to have sex with their hot GF’s? Although I shouldn’t complain as they often come to me if they aren’t getting it from their beta BF’s

    Many reasons. Many betas have lower sex drives. Most betas also have less aggressive personalities and lower levels of testosterone.

    But yeah, why are you complaining about this? If betas won’t fuck their cute girlfriends, that’s fantastic! More for us!

  48. Another good post BD. Yep, this one hit me at my core because I definitely was beta the last 6 months of the relationship. I’m glad I found this blog, BUT wish I found it before or during the relationship. I’ll get better as time goes on.

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