first date advice, first online date, online dating advice, meaning of an open relationship, alpha male traits

Klaus, a reader, wrote in with this question:

Your book is one of the best I’ve ever read but I have a question. On page 203 of the digital version, you say this:

…women see the world, process information, and make decisions using completely different criteria than you do, sometimes in ways that may actually seem irrational or even insane to us men. This is true even if the woman is extraordinarily intelligent, knowledgeable, mature, successful, and/or educated. As a matter of fact, often those very qualities exacerbate a woman’s irrational tendencies, not lessen them.

You don’t continue with the last thought. Are you saying that women of greater intelligence or education are more irrational? Or something else? Thanks for one amazing book!!!!

Do I think smarter women, older women, more successful women, and/or more educated women are more irrational than dumber, younger, less successful, or less educated women?

No. I see a plenty of extremely irrational behavior from dumb, or young, or uneducated women. The problem is that I also see this same level of irrational behavior from women who are more intelligent and educated.

It gets a little more complicated than that, so I’ll do my best to explain the statement I made in the book (which I stand by). It’s an issue of correlation rather than causation. I don’t think there’s causation between intelligence/education and irrationality in the female psyche. However, I’ve seen so much correlation to this stuff over many years of my life, and with so many women, that I’m convinced there’s something to this.

This observation isn’t anything new. I started noticing this way back in 2007-08 when I started dating lots of women after my divorce. I was separated in February of 2007, started dating almost immediately, and by the end of 2008 I had dated quite a bit of women (albeit badly, since I didn’t yet have my online dating or open relationships systems fully formulated).

At the end of 2008, I noticed a very interesting pattern with the women I had dated and encountered. The more intelligent the woman, the more chaos and problems she tended to have in her life. It’s true that the very dumb women also tended to have more problems, but it wasn’t as consistent a pattern as with the more intelligent ones.

About 90% of the time, if a woman was very intelligent, she had major problems with her work, or her finances, or her kids (if she had any), or her ex, or her boss, or her family, or whatever. Moreover, it was usually many of these areas, not just one or two. Yet if I encountered a woman of average intelligence, her life was usually pretty smooth sailing; no major problems or catastrophes. Women who were actually dumb were either problem free or had one, very big problem (usually having to do with a baby daddy), but that was about it. This was quite different than the smart women who tended to have all kinds of problems in many different areas of their lives.

I remember thinking that my observations were simply a weird result of my data set. I was reasonably confident that as I dated more women, I would find that intelligence would not correlate to more problems and drama in a woman’s life.

However, to my surprise, as time went on and I dated more women, the pattern continued. The really smart women, regardless of age, tended to have multiple problems in their lives that were constantly stressing them out. Really dumb women tended to have one big problem, and women of average intelligence seemed to be relatively happy and usually have their shit together.

Hear me on this: I’m not saying all smart women have lots of problems. I’ve known plenty of smart women who had smooth, happy lives, and known average-intelligence women or dumb women who had lots of problems. I am saying that the correlation I’ve noticed between smart women and lots of life problems has been so damn consistent over such a long period of time with so many women, that I think there’s something to this.

I admit I could be wrong here, that this is completely unscientific, and that it’s entirely possible the group of women I happened to have dated over the last near-decade might be a statistical anomaly. So I’ll open this up to the comments.

If you’ve dated (that means had sex multiple times) many women, think back to how smart each of these women were, then think back to how many stressful problems they had. Do you notice correlation between high intelligence and more problems? Or not?

I have some strong theories about this, but I’ll save those for a future post. In the meantime, let me know in the comments, and maybe we can get to the bottom of this.

54 Comments on “Do Smarter Women Have More Problems In Life?

  1. Slightly off topic, what I have observed as the pinnacle of drama is the woman who thinks she is more intelligent than she is. She then feels threatened by those who just might be smarter and then fabricates the excess drama.

  2. I will be curious to see if other people have had similar experiences. My personal tally is more random.

  3. If this is true, then it’s easy enough to come up with ideas why it might be so:

    Intelligent people have more complex lives;
    Intelligent people have trouble taking advice;
    Intelligent people are better able to rationalise their choices;
    Dumb people have the “ton of bricks” fall on them and deal with the consequences; intelligent people can keep the balls in the air longer;
    Dumb people don’t even know their lives are shitty.

    Not sure how you’d go about finding out which one is true. I’m going with “more complex lives”. What you describe: “intelligent, knowledgeable, mature, successful, and/or educated“, isn’t just about raw intelligence, it’s about being involved in and doing stuff, about having things going on. Arguably, what you are describing is high-T women – especially if by “successful” you mean holding down a high-paying, prominent, stressful job.

     

  4. I’ve seen the opposite effect – the more intelligent women being more open sexually, little to no ASD whatsoever, being more understanding on stuff like societal programming, giving me very little problems, being okay with me seeing other women (for a while), usually are quite fit and make a point to be so…

    However, the over-33 rule still applies.

    Marsupial may be onto something – these may also be higher T women we’re talking about here. There’s likely a correlation.

    what I have observed as the pinnacle of drama is the woman who thinks she is more intelligent than she is.

    Oh dear god. I can’t think of anything worse.

  5. Also, usually less problems. Except in her dating life. I’ve actually been pretty jealous of most of these women, except for that.

  6. There is a distinction between intelligent, educated, and credentialed.  A 40 year old cat lady with 3 PhDs is credentialed, but she likely isn’t intelligent and probably isn’t even very educated.  A girl who married a high value man when she was 22 and has 6 kids and is happily married at 40 is more intelligent and probably better educated, even if she never graduated college.

  7. Going to agree with @tonystark here.  I have known many many intelligent women in their 20s (mostly mid to late) and they tend to be way more self aware and open sexually.  I actually haven’t found that they are ultra feminist either.  They tend to be very open about talking about sex and their relationships.  It’s actually been refreshing to hear how women talk who don’t have a bunch of societal programming getting in their way.  They love sex.  They love talking about it.  Most in fact talk about how they generally want it more.   Again, unscientific because it could be that I just gravitate towards these women, but I’ve been quite impressed.

    The other interesting thing I find about them is that they still want to feel like the ‘girl’ in their relationships.  They are definitely on the dominant scale, but in the end they all want babies and family and many still want to take their husbands name.  They are still women.  They tend to talk about each other and actually acknowledge that women do that more than men.  They talk about gender dynamics in an intelligent way actually.  They do tend to want to be in charge though, that’s for sure.

    I’m not saying they are unicorn women anymore than I’m a unicorn man just because I happen to not believe the standard narrative about monogamous relationships.  So, for your mid/late 20s educated woman, I think they can be great and quite grounded.  On the other hand, I wonder what they will be like in a decade when they have kids and a family and still have the dominant personality.

    Edit: Just to add, I doubt any of them would ever accept an open relationship. I don’t get that vibe from them.

  8. Perhaps the more intelligent women simply have more awareness than the less intelligent? e.g. Ignorance is bliss?

  9. Not sure if this comment will help at all (and I am being 100% truthful when I make the following claim). I’m a girl and I am just of average intelligence; not really too ambitious either, just somewhat, and my life is smooth sailing at all times. Ignorance really is bliss.

  10. I’ve always liked girls that are a little dumb-they seem to cause less drama.  Plus it seems if you teach them something new, they are always impressed by you, no matter how trivial a thing it is.  Very intelligent women think too much for their own good sometimes and love to argue-it gets old really fast.   I would gather these are Dominant types though and perhaps a more intelligent submissive or independent would be more enjoyable.

    I think more so than intelligent women I enjoy open minded women who can apply some critical thinking to the world around them and now just regurgitate what they read on Huffington Post.

  11. Okay, tiny wee sample set here, compared to you, but in my experience better educated equals less problems, not more.  Which I mostly attributed to:

    a) better educated = more money = easier to smooth over problems

    b) better educated = fewer dumb live choices (no teen or other unwanted pregnancies, better choice of partners etc)

    But as I said, tiny sample size – and then I’m in Germany too

  12. To me there is a big difference between intellectual intelligence (IQ) and emotional intelligence(EQ). Regardless of a woman’s IQ, if her EQ is low, her life is usually a mess. To be fair this is true for men too. So to me the real issue is if there is a relationship between IQ and EQ.

    But even if it is true that more intelligent women in general had more issues, it does seem a bit like mental masturbation since it isn’t like you are going to meet a woman and be like, “Wow, she’s smart so I can’t date her because her life is 37.8% more likely to be a mess than a woman that was just average in intelligence.”

    Still, we all know people that are super intelligent that are clueless on the EQ front. I kind of agree with BD here. Meaning if someone has a super high IQ (call it 150 and above…well into the genius area) their EQ is generally lower than average and if they have a low IQ (call it 95 or lower) they are also more likely to have a low EQ. Their emotions override their diminished intelligence. In the middle range people do generally have a higher EQ and their lives tend to be more together. In the low/middle range more so, and in the high/middle range, less so.

    The truly brilliant women I have dated have been either a) crazy or b) a complete train wreck or c) both. The same goes for the really dumb ones. There are a few exceptions but honestly shockingly few exceptions.

     

  13. Would there also be a correlation between dominance and intelligence/education?  Most highly educated women I know are certainly dominant.
    Are dominant women happier?  Do they have less life issues?  I would say definitely not.   They don’t sound happier.  They complain A LOT about their boyfriends/husbands.  But is that any different than most?  I find that quite universal except for the rare submissive woman in today’s culture.

  14. @AB

    I cannot think of a single dominant woman I have dated that was below average in intelligence.

    My experience with more intelligent women is they behave more dominant but many of them actually MUCH prefer a sexually dominant man. But they will never ask for it. They expect the man to take control (and want him to) but they won’t ask for it because the want a guy that is naturally dominant, not a man that just acts that way because it is what they want.

    Since more dominant women are acting against their natural gender nature I think they are generally less happy. I have no data to back that up but that is my sense from my own experiences with them.

  15. To me there is a big difference between intellectual intelligence (IQ) and emotional intelligence(EQ). Regardless of a woman’s IQ, if her EQ is low, her life is usually a mess. To be fair this is true for men too. So to me the real issue is if there is a relationship between IQ and EQ.

    Big point here.

    Would there also be a correlation between dominance and intelligence/education?  Most highly educated women I know are certainly dominant.
    Are dominant women happier?  Do they have less life issues?  I would say definitely not.

    They’re usually (subconsciously) looking for their man to be more dominant than they are.  Won’t date down and whatnot. The more dominant, the less likely they will find a man who will be able to. But I’m sure there’s already blog posts on that point.

    I’ve always liked girls that are a little dumb-they seem to cause less drama.  Plus it seems if you teach them something new, they are always impressed by you, no matter how trivial a thing it is.  Very intelligent women think too much for their own good.

    Very true and very true. They freely admit this too.

    Just to add, I doubt any of them would ever accept an open relationship. I don’t get that vibe from them.

    Not in the long term, yeah. So to really correct myself, they’re open to it at first, so long as you don’t “turn on the cold shower” too quickly…

  16. I cannot think of a single dominant woman I have dated that was below average in intelligence.

    I can – one of my (defacto) mono-GF’s. (We were going for OLTR, but I broke my leg and my stream dried up as I was stuck in bed)

    She was Latina.

  17. My experience with more intelligent women is they behave more dominant but many of them actually MUCH prefer a sexually dominant man. But they will never ask for it. They expect the man to take control (and want him to) but they won’t ask for it because the want a guy that is naturally dominant, not a man that just acts that way because it is what they want.

    THIS. And ohhhhh boy when you can give them that… 🙂

  18. Dumb people have the “ton of bricks” fall on them and deal with the consequences; intelligent people can keep the balls in the air longer;

    Dumb people don’t even know their lives are shitty.

    Two great points. They are a strong contributor to what I’ve observed I think.

    There is a distinction between intelligent, educated, and credentialed.

    Also a good point. I didn’t differentiate this in the article above and I probably should have.

    Going to agree with @tonystark here.  I have known many many intelligent women in their 20s (mostly mid to late) and they tend to be way more self aware and open sexually.

    Yes but I think this is an issue of age instead of intelligence. As has been said, the over-33 still applies.

    Now this:

    Marsupial may be onto something – these may also be higher T women we’re talking about here. There’s likely a correlation.

    and this:

    Most highly educated women I know are certainly dominant.
    Are dominant women happier?

    Dominant women are less happier, across the board (barring unusual exceptions to the rule). That’s not in question and never has been. Often you’ll see these Dominants make angry, drive-by comments on this blog. A truly dominant woman is almost guaranteed to be less happy in life. The evidence of this is overwhelming and there’s no question about that in my mind.

    Perhaps what I’ve observed then is not intelligent women, but more dominant women. I’ll have to go back through my lists and see if there was a correlation. However, I have indeed met (and dated as brief FBs) women who were dominant and dumb. Not many but a few. They had lots of problems but their problems didn’t seem to bother them as much, again per Marsupial’s point.

    Moreover, per another point raised above, most highly educated women do seem more dominant, but not more intelligent (not dumb, but not noticeably smarter than the average).

    Very interesting.

  19. I’ve only dated smart women throughout my life; the dumb ones are too annoying to me and I’m too much of an insensitive overbearing arrogant intellectual for them (their perception). I’ve banged plenty of dumb ones though.

    I think smart women can have plenty of problems, but almost all of what I have observed is, I think, because of the EQ/IQ thing mentioned above, and something similar: whereas many men like myself and of course BD are intelligent and devote much of that intelligence to figuring out how to live life in a way that maximizes our happiness, I have never once encountered a woman who devotes that much (or any) mental energy to figuring out life in this way. I think I’ve heard of some authors and self-help gurus who are female but that’s about it.

    So perhaps it is just not a common female trait to think about one’s life philosophically with an aim to make it happier? Thus they keep stumbling over the built-in problems we inevitably encounter when we follow our instinct-derived desires and drives (which are designed to make us successful, but not happy) and unquestioningly submit to societal programming.  I think this may relate back to BD’s idea of women being comfortable with being uncomfortable.

    To clarify though; I’m not saying there aren’t men who do the same exact thing (cue the Alpha 1.0 music here), just that, uncommon though it is, some men at least work on crafting a happy life while it seems no women do.

  20. Here’s a thought, debate as you see fit:

    Maybe it’s partly a selection issue. Maybe if a smart woman has good common sense as well, she finds a guy who actually meets her criteria and actually makes the old matrimonial model work: they stay married into their grey years. But then you’ll have no chance to date her.

    In short, if she’s smart and available, something’s wrong with her, or she’d be taken already. It’s the flip side to ‘why are all the good ones taken?’ Well, of course, if they’re good, people want them, so they’re taken.

    It’s kind of like how in most places intelligence and schmooze are inversely correlated, because they both help you succeed. There are people with both, but they tend to get further and so you don’t run into them unless you’re working at Goldman or Google. Similarly, Ms. 140 IQ with a pleasing personality and looks is already married to a computer tycoon.

  21. Fascinating. 🙂 Higher intelligence in itself can exist in so many types of people. Add to this education, awareness, ambition, general knowledge, specialist knowledge, background, upbringing, motor skills, expectations of family, peer pressure, self induced pressure etc. etc. etc., this list of possible combinations is endless.

    But I see with interest that the term “common sense” didn’t appear here until the 23rd comment.

    I think in very general terms, most men use what intelligence they have to simplify life, work and relationships. If any problems do crop up, they respond with male logic to put things right.

    Again, speaking very generally, intelligent women respond emotionally, tend to over think it and are constantly re-inventing themselves and the re-inventing the wheel. There seems to be a need to be seen to be busy and productive and if there is  no real cause, they will find something to fill the gap. If it gets really bad, we’ll add some drama. I hear so often from women (and men!), “I’ve been SO busy today!” When you examine this, lots of effort has gone in to dealing with stuff which was running smoothly in the first place!

    Women get bored. Intelligent women have to find something to do, even it doesn’t need doing.

    Men have a “nothing” box in their brains that can be engaged when all is done and running on it’s own.

    Add to this:

    In short, if she’s smart and available, something’s wrong with her, or she’d be taken already.

    then I think it possible that more intelligent women may well have more problems. But to be fair, I know a lot of intelligent men who are just as bad if not worse.

    But. The key to happy life is not givings a shit about anything (other than obeying the laws of the land even if you don’t like them).

    I think that society is generally more accepting of men who don’t give a shit than it is of women. And so perhaps intelligent women feel the need to demonstrate their worth more.

  22. Lol BD, you have a way of pointing out certain things……it’s almost weird!

    My experience is very similar to yours. Now, just to be clear, I don’t know what you mean by ‘intelligent’ . That’s a word that has various meanings depending on context and perception and the commenter who wrote about there being a distinction on being intelligent, educated or credentialed was spot on

    But this isn’t an English class so I’ll just get on. I also observed this weird trend. And even though I didn’t consciously try to pin it down by taking statistics and shit like BD, on a certain level, I felt that in my experience, ‘dumb’ girls were more fun, sexually healthy, less drama and easier to be with than their smarter counterparts.

    Once too often, when I was with the smarter, more educated ones, I actually felt the ‘work’ I was doing in being with them, dumb girls to me on the other hand were so fun and effortless. They represent a breath of fresh air. Of course as BD also pointed out, there were the usual exceptions both ways.

    I feel the reason for this may be due to the female’s psychological make-up. Women inherently know that generally, they are less developed brainwise than us men. And the more educated, intelligent, smarter they are, the more aware and somewhat irked by this fact. Whereas the dumb ones simply accept this as it is, the smart ones don’t, they feel they have something to prove and try to do so every opportunity they have to do so which can be a drag.

    And of course, this brings more chaos into their lives, makes them more drama prone, erratic and less fun.

    Just my 2 cents on this

    Solid post though….

  23. I think Dawson nailed it. The trouble stems from dominance. Women trying to control so many facets of their lives, and they are not as well equipped as men to do this, are fighting nature, and this causes unhappiness. It’s a by product of the strong independent women lifestyle……theses are the women who suck the life out of everything around them.

    I’ve know many smart, witty women, and the ones that are not trying to control everything around them are generally a genuine pleasure to be with. I love an intelligent woman who can add something interesting to my life.

    Great topic, and I love how we’ve explored the root cause in the comments. Nice work brothers in arms…

  24. Women inherently know that generally, they are less developed brainwise than us men.

    @ DonPheromon: Hi, would you care sharing who or what made you conclude that you are more developed brainwise than over 50% of the human population? Or, if I have interpreted your words incorrectly, that “generally women are less developed brainwise than men”?

  25. Great post & comments.  Of course there are various kinds of intelligence. One of the best kinds (IMO) enables a person to keep ‘the big picture’ in view and keep perspective on what’s important and what isn’t (not worth letting it make you unhappy) — so you find a way to be as happy as you can be, despite the disagreeable factors. Of course this involves not only what you do, but also how you view things. There are ‘smart’ people who take pride in their unhappiness as a badge of their superior perception of reality.

    When an average person has been encouraged to over-rate themselves and to have a big ego about their claim to being impressive, they expect you to rate them as highly as they rate themselves, and to treat them accordingly, and if you won’t, it’s a problem between you two. Whenever someone overestimates how much they bring to the party, you can’t harmonize with them if you disagree about this point. The situation of people having these ego problems due to getting credentialed beyond a bachelor’s degree seems to be increasingly common. This reminds me of knowing smug mediocrities in Hollywood who have been obscenely rewarded for cranking out common schlock (TV shows & movies). Their egos are epic, and they expect you to act like you find them awesome and delightful, with this being the main focus or theme of every conversation. If you won’t play along with this script, you can’t be his friend, not really…

    Comparing the smarter women to the less intelligent women (and their respective capacities for happiness), is there a parallel with finding a beautiful woman whose early years (how she was treated) miraculously did not warp her mind/personality and leave her fixated on her beauty and how others react to it? I’ve known a few such women, and they seem like rare jewels in our society.

  26. @SFG: Your comment is so ludicrous and filled to the brim with blue pill Disney programming that it is my duty to tear it apart:

    Maybe it’s partly a selection issue. Maybe if a smart woman has good common sense as well, she finds a guy who actually meets her criteria and actually makes the old matrimonial model work:

    The “old matrimonial model” does not work. It is a Disney delusion.

    they stay married into their grey years. But then you’ll have no chance to date her.

    I don’t understand. Why would I have no chance to date her? Do you know how many married women I’ve slept with? I guess “date” is the wrong word, but married women tend to be the most enthusiastic in bed, even if they stay with their husbands into their “grey years.”

    In short, if she’s smart and available, something’s wrong with her,

    This is just nonsense. The only way she could be unavailable is if she’s monogamous. If she’s monogamous, she’s not smart. Thus being “smart” and “unavailable” at the same time is an oxymoron! If she’s smart and available, then something is RIGHT with her, even if she is in a serious open relationship.

    or she’d be taken already.

    If she were smart, she’d be taken, as in monogamous? No dude. There’s your pro-mono Disney delusion again.

    It’s the flip side to ‘why are all the good ones taken?’ Well, of course, if they’re good, people want them, so they’re taken.

    But there is no such thing as “taken.” If she’s single, I can fuck her. If she is in an open relationship, I can fuck her. If she’s monogamous, she will cheat and I can fuck her. Who is “taken?” There is no such thing.

    Similarly, Ms. 140 IQ with a pleasing personality and looks is already married to a computer tycoon.

    But so what? How does her being married to a computer tycoon stop me from sleeping with her? Explain please. You should probably work on your false beliefs about female purity.

  27. @DonPheremon- Women have inherently less developed brains than men.

    You might want to check your argument because it is outdated.

    From Inc. com, “A recent article in TheAtlantic.com pointed out that hedge funds run by women make three times as much money as hedge funds run by men, and that companies with female CEOs outperform companies with male CEOs by nearly 50%.”

    Saying that men are intrinsically smarter than women is deterministic and frankly crude. It is “mansplaining” the problem rather then looking at the fact that as a society we encourage men to be “smart” and women to be “pretty”. When given access to equal education, women actually outperform men in the famously intellectually rigorous fields of STEM.

    Sorry it took my sub par ladybrain some time to type out all these big words.

     

  28. @SFG – Take a look at Jack’s comment. All correct.

    @Sadie – all of that means nothing. But yes, women’s brains are not inferior from a biological standpoint. There are emphases on different areas of the brain in men and women; neither is inferior though – mostly complementary, in fact.

    a society we encourage men to be “smart” and women to be “pretty”.

    It’s not really a societal thing, it’s more of an attraction thing. Society is more a manifestation of biology than influencing it; a nice feedback loop with biology being the main driving force. Anyway, that’s getting off topic, and is probably a topic for another blog post.

    I’ve know many smart, witty women, and the ones that are not trying to control everything around them are generally a genuine pleasure to be with. I love an intelligent woman who can add something interesting to my life.

    I think this is it. The non-overly controlling thing.

    Perhaps what I’ve observed then is not intelligent women, but more dominant women. I’ll have to go back through my lists and see if there was a correlation. However, I have indeed met (and dated as brief FBs) women who were dominant and dumb. Not many but a few. They had lots of problems but their problems didn’t seem to bother them as much, again per Marsupial’s point.

    Same here. Their myriad of problems didn’t seem to bother them or they never even noticed. (Quietly bothered the hell out of me, though.)

    But with either dumb or intelligent, the problem always comes in when they try to be more controlling/ a Dominant, as you’ve defined it.

  29. A funny question…I would have thought that being smart means being able to solve and avoid problems.

  30. This is potentially the most misogynistic, patsy, fearful, misinformed, cretinous, and sophomoric tripe I have encountered in recent memory.  Sir (i.e., the author of this nonsense), if this is where you are mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in your middle age, it’s pathetic. To think that in the whole of your existence you have “matured” to the level exhibited in your postings here, that is really not a lot to show for any efforts that you may have put forth in your past.

    Obviously, any woman over the age of 25 (possibly younger) who is intelligent, college educated, established, professional, mature, with a sense of self-worth and confidence, is going to avoid you and ilk, along with your puerile philosophies about women out of a sense of decency and is going to pity you.

    What is amusing is to observe how the (obviously) younger men that read these rantings of yours seem to  regard your blog postings as some sort of panacea for avoiding all responsibility whatsoever in a relationship with a woman.  (Good luck boys! The best strategy if you seek one, is not to have relationships with women. Just have FBs). And, your other postings about your “fantasy” younger women whom you are going to marry, prenup up the wazoo, control, send to younger men for sex, and kick to the curb if she potentially exerts any of her own person-hood, is so hysterical in its comic tone, myself and other women and men that I circulated this blog too, we all had a long and satisfying laugh.

    I don’t know what state you use to claim residency in, however, you may want to obtain a second legal opinion on your “watertight” prenup. That was the funniest aspect of this blog, honestly. I know of several family law attorneys who would love nothing else than to eviscerate you, with zeal, in family court.  This blog alone is enough to bury you in a child custody or divorce proceeding in many states. It would be fantastic if you resided in an “at fault” state.

    I am going to postulate, that probably, dear writer, what causes you the greatest amount of anxiety and fear is a woman your own age, intelligent, attractive, financially secure, and sexual. Because the greatest misconception weaved within these blog posts is that women in their 20’s are better sexually than women in their 40’s. That’s a hoot. This woman would be able to take you on and challenge your incredibly immature, misguided, inaccurate, and humorous attitudes about women and life.

     

     

     

     

     

  31. @Duke, not angry, just amused and feeling pity for a man who claims to be successful in some regards, albeit in a non-specific way according to his bio, has to result to this snake oil method to feel better about himself. This is laughable nonsense. You can turn any of these arguments around and make the same claims about men. Therefore, the argument is circular, and not valid.

    This blog author needs to get therapy to resolve the holdover trauma from his divorce.

    If you guys really believe and have emotionally invested in the attitudes about women posted on this site, no wonder you have experienced zero success thus far.

    The “mommy” issues on display from the men who post on this blog is sad. No wonder women avoid these men and their baggage.

    You are dinosaurs all, gentleman.

     

     

  32. This is potentially the most misogynistic, patsy, fearful, misinformed, cretinous, and sophomoric tripe I have encountered in recent memory.

    Then you obviously haven’t been reading much Internet. Or are you just stuck in your feminazi bubble?

     Sir (i.e., the author of this nonsense), if this is where you are mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in your middle age, it’s pathetic.

    Counter-argument?

    To think that in the whole of your existence you have “matured” to the level exhibited in your postings here, that is really not a lot to show for any efforts that you may have put forth in your past.

    Counter-argument?

     

    Obviously, any woman over the age of 25 (possibly younger) who is intelligent, college educated, established, professional, mature, with a sense of self-worth and confidence, is going to avoid you and ilk, along with your puerile philosophies about women out of a sense of decency and is going to pity you.

    LOL! Are you sure you’ve been following this blog? On a completely unrelated note, are you a lesbian, or just a sex-negative feminazi?

    What is amusing is to observe how the (obviously) younger men that read these rantings of yours seem to  regard your blog postings as some sort of panacea for avoiding all responsibility whatsoever in a relationship with a woman.

    What “avoiding responsibility” are you referring to? What the fuck are you talking about?

     (Good luck boys! The best strategy if you seek one, is not to have relationships with women. Just have FBs).

    Most of us here are sexually successful thanks largely to BD’s teachings. We don’t need luck, nor do we need cliché rantings from angry cat ladies!

    And, your other postings about your “fantasy” younger women whom you are going to marry, prenup up the wazoo, control, send to younger men for sex, and kick to the curb if she potentially exerts any of her own person-hood,

    I’ll ask again: Are you sure you have been following this blog? Where exactly did he say that he is going to kick any woman to the curb if she “exerts any of her own personhood?” This is just feminazi gibberish which has no merit within any of BD’s writings. And when did he say he wants to control anyone? The only thing he objects to is women verbally abusing him and giving him drama.

    Your “fantasy” comment is interesting though. I’ve met many old women who like to tell themselves that older men sleeping with younger women is a “fantasy” because it makes them feel better that they have less competition. Unfortunately, it is you who is living in the fantasy, as demonstrated by your completely baseless accusations here.

    is so hysterical in its comic tone, myself and other women and men that I circulated this blog too, we all had a long and satisfying laugh.

    Too vague. Counter-argument?

    I don’t know what state you use to claim residency in, however, you may want to obtain a second legal opinion on your “watertight” prenup. That was the funniest aspect of this blog, honestly. I know of several family law attorneys who would love nothing else than to eviscerate you, with zeal, in family court.  This blog alone is enough to bury you in a child custody or divorce proceeding in many states. It would be fantastic if you resided in an “at fault” state.

    Wow, here is the first thing you said that actually has merit. Good job! Sadly, I must agree with this. Family Court is deeply heterophobic (against men) and slut shames men immensely. If you’re a woman sleeping with multiple men, you are beautiful and empowered. But if you’re a man sleeping with multiple women (especially younger women), you are considered a dangerous predator, misogynist, a rapist, an objectifier of women, and other hateful nonsense, just for being a practicing heterosexual. Anti-male heterophobia and slut shaming is at an all time high in family court sadly. Luckily, BD’s youngest child is 17.

    I am going to postulate, that probably, dear writer, what causes you the greatest amount of anxiety and fear is a woman your own age, intelligent, attractive, financially secure, and sexual.

    Ah, the old “you just can’t handle how awesome we are because you’re a little boy” cliché. That works on “Dr.” Phil, but not here, I’m afraid. The primary difference between older women and younger women is that younger women act like heterosexuals who receive sex, whereas older women act like asexuals who generously give sex, as if the man must behave himself so that she can get laid. It’s quite pathetic actually.

    Because the greatest misconception weaved within these blog posts is that women in their 20’s are better sexually than women in their 40’s. That’s a hoot.

    And how many women have you slept with to refute that statement?

    This woman would be able to take you on and challenge your incredibly immature, misguided, inaccurate, and humorous attitudes about women and life.

    Too vague. Counter-argument?

    A woman (who isn’t a lesbian) can only really talk about herself. To get a glimpse into female psychology, however, a sexually experienced man like BD should be consulted. I’ll ask again: How many women have you slept with to know how good they are in bed?

  33. No wonder women avoid these men and their baggage.

    You are dinosaurs all, gentleman.

    Women do not avoid us. Most of us here are more sexually successful than you and your feminazi friends will ever be. I’d be shocked if men didn’t avoid you.

  34. @Kristine you are right it can be turned around; that is the whole point of what the author writes about ie. flipping the script. Just because females having all the power in dating is seen as normal from a societal standpoint does not mean it is necessarily right. If you have any dating experience at all you would realize that there are three ways to deal with the opposite sex regardless if you are male or female: You agree to their terms; they agree to your terms; or you avoid each other; that is about it.

  35. Obviously, any woman over the age of 25 (possibly younger) who is intelligent, college educated, established, professional, mature, with a sense of self-worth and confidence, is going to avoid you and ilk

    Incorrect. I am now dating and have dated numerous women just like this.

    And, your other postings about your “fantasy” younger women whom you are going to marry

    Not a fantasy, an illustration. I never intend on getting legally married. Too risky.

    I have no fantasies, since I already live all of them.

    prenup up the wazoo

    I’m not getting married, so this doesn’t apply to me. But for men who insist on getting this insanely unfair legal procedure done, then yes, they need an enforceable prenup, or refrain from legal marriage. Emphasis on the word enforceable.

    control,

    Nope, I’ve never said this. I don’t control any woman, ever, and tell men they shouldn’t either. You’re mixing me up with other manosphere writers (in your defense, this is a common error). Alpha Male 2.0 is about not controlling. You’re talking about Alpha Male 1.0, which is all about control.

    send to younger men for sex

    Only if she wants, sure. Is that so bad? “Oh no!! I get to fuck younger men if I want! The horror!!!”

    kick to the curb if she potentially exerts any of her own person-hood,

    Incorrect. She can exert all the person-hood she likes. I like that. She just can’t give me any drama, as defined here.

    If you wish to debate these topics, you really need to quote me accurately, or we have nothing to discuss.

    I don’t know what state you use to claim residency in

    Washington.

    you may want to obtain a second legal opinion on your “watertight” prenup

    I have, in detail. Again though, I’m not getting legally married.

    Regarding other men who wish to do this, as I’ve said, all states differ, and (as I’ve said repeatedly) the first thing a man should to is to talk to an attorney about the viability of an enforceable prenup in his local state/province. To your point, in many, perhaps most states/provinces today in the Western world, an enforceable prenup is impossible. Thus that man should refrain from legal marriage.

    I am going to postulate, that probably, dear writer, what causes you the greatest amount of anxiety and fear is a woman your own age, intelligent, attractive, financially secure, and sexual.

    Then please explain why one of my current relationships is a college-educated 44 year-old woman, and another is a 33 year-old woman who makes a near six-figure income in her own business.

    Because the greatest misconception weaved within these blog posts is that women in their 20’s are better sexually than women in their 40’s.

    I have never, ever said anything like this, and have even said the opposite.

    Again, if you’d like to have an adult conversation, please quote me correctly. If you’d like to just rant and rave and throw around personal attacks, you’ll be shown the exit. The choice is yours.

  36. @ krisitine

    This blog author needs to get therapy to resolve the holdover trauma from his divorce.

    The divorce was the therapy. Lesson learned? Don’t go there again.

    If you guys really believe and have emotionally invested in the attitudes about women posted on this site, no wonder you have experienced zero success thus far.

    The above should read, “some women” – there are plenty who have woken up and we love them to bits. Zero success at what??? Monogamous marriage? And we aren’t all young by the way. I have lots of success and have done all my life. The “success” we refer to here is finding women who have also escaped all the societal programming nonsense and are pleased to be with us.

    The “mommy” issues on display from the men who post on this blog is sad. No wonder women avoid these men and their baggage.

    Bu that is the whole point. Women like you avoid us and for that we are MOST grateful. If however we should stumble across one of you by mistake, we know what to do about it; and fast!

    You are dinosaurs all, gentleman.

    But not extinct 😀

    The fact is, the worm is turning old girl, and women like you, don’t like it.

  37. I’m currently dating a 41yo educated, intelligent, dominant woman (with modelesque looks) and she ticks a lot of the boxes being discussed here. She has problems at work getting along with men and women who keep ‘backstabbing’ her. I’m guessing she’s just being difficult and people are trying to work around her since they can’t work with her.

    Where it gets interesting is that she’s expressed a desire to be tied up and dominated in the bedroom as she ‘can’t’ express her feminine side in the corporate world. As soon as I’ve done this her demeanour changes and she becomes more agreeable and starts talking about all the femine things she wants to wear (corsets, high heels, lingerie etc).

    I think that by being a conduit to access her more feminine side I can sidestep a lot of problems for myself, while at the same time making her a lot happier and less neurotic. If she’s lucky this stability will transfer to her work life.

    Will be interesting to see the results.

  38. The only correlation I have seen is with age and marriage. Women of very late 30s and 40s who have never been married are a nightmare to be with in my experience. Self-doubt, regret, anger, suspicion, etc. They missed the boat and failed (in their minds). No thanks…

  39. Hey BD, how’s it going?

    About the post:

    I don’t think there’s causation between intelligence/education and irrationality in the female psyche. However, I’ve seen so much correlation to this stuff over many years of my life, and with so many women, that I’m convinced there’s something to this.

    My two cents:

    1) I 100% agree that intelligent women are more “aware” of their problems…it does not necessarily mean they have more or less problems than their less intelligent counterparts;

    2) being more aware means they’ll focus their energies to fix those problems, probably using more of their emotional prism, meaning more stress, meaning they have to vent more, meaning more irrationality and drama;

    3) there’s a big difference IMO between intelligent men and women (although I know I’m generalizing here): both will perceive their bigger personal problems, but will probably tackle them in very different ways;

    I’ll give one example that I’ve seen over the years. Pick a guy and a girl. Both are trying to loose weight and gain lean mass. Pushing aside personalities and exceptions, let’s say both are equally committed to that goal. The woman will probably have more drive and passion and spend longer hours/more days in the gym (especially in the beginning), but the man will surely have more consistency long-term if he stays committed. The woman will usually have more ups and downs, and when she cheats her diet it will be way worse than the guy (the guy will probably cheat more frequently using smaller doses).

    Hope it helps.

  40. This is pretty unscientific, as you hinted to. There may be something there, but we’ll never know unless we do something more controlled.

    My personally experience — which is limited, although I went to a (worthless waste of money) elite private school that was a nerd haven — is mixed.

    How intelligent are we talking here? Above average? Well above average? PhD? Savant? That scale is huge. Some at the very, very top have severe social ticks and degrees of social retardation.

    And yes, we shouldn’t confuse intelligence with education, or knowledge, or credentials, or career, or ambition, or interests (in science or technology). All are very different things.

    That said, of course very intelligent women are usually more ambitious and many to an extent focus less on their physical appearance than the dumb ones, simply due to lack of time or competing interests. (not all, but many).

    A dumb hot woman is not going to have a ton of problems in her life. Usually the only problems are $$$ and finding a nice boyfriend/ husband, which go hand-in-hand. All are usually solved by “looking better” and farming a Facebook/ instagram account. Then there’s hundreds of petty drama BS with her friends. Meh.

    I’ve never slept with a “savant” level woman although I’ve met and befriended many. I will say this — long term I prefer a woman who is above average intelligence, preferably. Some “dumb” ones … who don’t understand basic, basic level shit like elementary science or geography or rudimentary knowledge of social issues … it gets tiresome. Do you constantly correct them on stupid shit that flies out of their mouths (like thinking public schools have an official religion, lastest date I was on) … good for getting your wick wet, not so much in the conversation department.

  41. there’s a big difference IMO between intelligent men and women (although I know I’m generalizing here): both will perceive their bigger personal problems, but will probably tackle them in very different ways;

    As I said above, I think the answer here is that smarter women feel problems more acutely than both men and less intelligent women. I’m not 100% sure on that, but that’s my working theory at the moment until I hear a better idea.

  42. As I said above, I think the answer here is that smarter women feel problems more acutely than both men and less intelligent women.

    Agree. Thus the extra stress, ups and downs, drama bursts, etc. I too cannot exactly put my finger on why that happens, but it’s definitely something I’ve observed over the years.

    If I had to guess, maybe it’s an unsolvable female internal conflict: their emotional side struggling against their above the average rational drive (most intelligent women I’ve met and dated are extremely rational on the surface).

  43. I don’t understand the hate really.  Of all the ‘manosphere’ blogs, this is by far the most tame and, more importantly, the least angry towards women.  Actually there is no anger.  BD celebrates women.

    Why does it cause so much anger to try and tease apart the obvious biological imperatives that men and women have, and how these influence relationships in our modern society?  How do men AND women be happiest?  If it were long term monogamy, I’m sure BD and myself would be right there on board.  But, clearly it is not.  Not if you want something more than a defacto roommate that you hope at least isn’t nasty to you in the end.  There is no romcom.  There is no Disney.  There is only reality.

    I doubt every guy here agrees with everything BD says.  I certainly don’t, but the main thrust of his blog, about how relationships work, I do agree with.  Why is monogamy the obvious choice?  It isn’t anymore.  Everybody is happier if we don’t constrain ourselves to these traditional and suffocating models.  We should be able to come together for whatever period works for both parties and then leave amicably.  If we can form our relationships around reality and not fantasy, we have a better chance of that.

    Moreover, WE ARE ALREADY DOING THAT.  So much cheating.  So much divorce.  We do it anyway, just without the amicable part for most people.  Define your relationship however you want, but if you are selfishly denying your partner what they need to be happy and loved (be it sex, respect, affection, whatever else you need in a relationship), who is the one who is really controlling?

  44. There is a big correlation with intelligence that you have all missed; education + wealth.
    Yes, there are a few Paris Hiltons, but the majority had better education because of their family wealth.
    And this is where the spoilt princess factor comes in, even if she was not ‘spoilt’ as such, she is from a wealthier background where she got many things she desired.
    Now, she may be financially well off & can afford or has much of what she wants (possessions/ purchaseable things), however there is always an endless human desire for more. She will expect you to provide some of this (travel/gifts perhaps), but not too much as she can provide for herself. And so she will desire everything else too; emotional support, intelligence, entertainment, superman.
    She is brought up to expect more, and this is where you get more drama from.
    She might not be a spoilt princess, but deep down in her psych she is still a princess!
    Get a middle to lower class girl & most of what you do will be making her feel as if she is a princess that she never was.

  45. Almost (almost!) every educative system I’ve read about is designed from a male point of view. So, every man and woman is educated into developing a masculine way of information processing and problem solving.

    I believe, at least regarding human relations, that women have a WAY more powerful sensitivity than men have. This means they can perceive certain things even when their minds are not aware of it, BUT… it also means teaching them they have to think the way men think is a terrible idea, because we focus on intelectual processes as we (tend to) have a far more rational/less emotional thinking process. Women need an education that exploits their natural abilities and talents, but that will take “some” time…

    (Hope I was clear with what I meant to say!)

    Cheers!

  46. I am a somewhat educated, somewhat successful, fairly intelligent female over 40 (jackpot!) I have few problems or drama. Not for lack of a chaotic life but because I refuse to let those things occupy my time. I think it comes down to the person, the personality and the impact the individual allows those factors to have on her life. “Higher” Education may have nothing at all to do with your results, it could simply be life lessons and experiences (or the lack of) that determine what a woman will allow to consume her. Great read though!

  47. How do you define problem?  Is a problem a broken down car or PTSD?  Somewhere in between?  A physical disability?  All of the above?  Do problems include those that are really just a matter of perception?  What about physical issues such as PECOS, for example?  How do you define problem?  And how in the world can this subject be at all, well, valid beyond chit chat speculation?  Where is the data?  At what point in a relationship does one bring out the WISC-IV?  And so how exactly is this intelligence determined?  Intellectual intelligence?  Emotional intelligence?  And last, do smarter men have more problems?  In fact, those with high IQs on the gifted level (140+), men and women, in educational logic probably have more problems.  Higher intelligence is linked to emotional intensities, problems with normal socialization, etc.  If you would like more information on this, Dabrowski is the one to research.  I imagine interior problems (actually, they are not problems, but rather characteristics of a gifted personality) could cause at least some exterior problems.  So we might, based on all of this, make a somewhat informed guess that more intelligent women and men all have problems.  In my experience, this group of people may have more problems, but they are incredibly interesting and fun…often passionate.  Anyone, I find the topic somewhat annoying because how in the world can anyone answer this question with any validity beyond opinion…and based on???

  48. Intelligent women use their brains more than their hearts this reduces satisfaction with one’s situation and more aspirations,they typically earn more and their financial independence will make them more likely to be more demanding in their relationships,family and workplace.This would setup the typical confusion between finding a man to be dependent upon and finding their own freedom – sexual or otherwise.

    Whole generation of women in India right now fit this conflicting situation(cant say for other cultures). They are torn between settling and philandering, family and work, and tradition and modernism.

    Perhaps, Im generalising and mixing concepts but …these are my two cents

     

     

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