The 4 Ways Men Get Sex – Pros and Cons
A while back I made a post about the nine options men have as they age regarding whether or not they embrace long-term relationships. Today I’m going to discuss the four options men have regarding how they satisfy their normal, everyday sexual needs.
During this analysis, I will be operating under the assumption that the vast majority of men like sex and need sex regularly. It’s true there’s a small percentage of men who are physically unable to have sex because of age or severe debilitation. It’s also true that there’s another small percentage of men who either don’t like sex, have very low sex drives, or have gone extreme MGTOW and become permanently celibate. (Yuck.)
Oddball places like Japan aside, these types of men are a very tiny percentage of the overall male population worldwide under the age of 60. So yeah, there are exceptions, but on the overall men like and need regular sex.
As always, the four options have their pros and cons. One option is societally acceptable, one is partially so, one is not acceptable, and the fourth option (my favorite) is largely unknown, though as time goes on will become more known and accepted.
Option 1: Get a monogamous girlfriend
This is the way most men get sex. It’s by far the easiest way, accessible by strong Alpha Males and weak beta males alike. It’s also the most societally acceptable way, by far. It meets many needs of both false Societal Programming and Obsolete Biological Wiring. Moreover, if your girlfriend is even a little above average in looks, you also get accolades and praise from society. Even if she isn’t, society will pat you on your back for your “good” decision.
Getting a standard, monogamous girlfriend takes virtually zero technique once a girl likes you. Just ask her to be your GF, and she’s likely in. Takes about ten seconds. This is why it’s so popular with gameless betas, AFCs, and other submissive men. It also provides at least the illusion that she’ll never have sex with other men, which is why this option is also popular with many Alpha Male 1.0s.
The problems with this option? Well, that should be obvious at this point. It’s all the stuff I’ve been talking about for years that I probably don’t need to repeat. You can’t have sex with other women even if you want to (which you will). You’ll have to follow her orders and parameters at least to some degree. Your freedom is reduced. You’ll have to put up with a certain amount of drama, based on how long the relationship lasts, how often you see each other, and your respective personalities.
When the relationship ends, and it will, you will experience a fun array of negative feelings since the statistical odds are overwhelmingly likely she will dump you before you dump her. Then you have to start from square one all over again, looking for a new source of sex.
Option 1 Sexual Availability
Can you get sex whenever you want under option 1? It depends.
During the first few months of NRE, the answer is hell yes. You’ll be so damn horny for each other you’ll have more sex than you can handle. Your dick will be bent in half.
However, as the relationship moves out of NRE and into its normal flow, you’ll have sex sometimes but not others. If you’re horny but she’s not available that evening, you’re out of luck. You’ll have to go jerk off to porn. Same goes for if she’s out of town, sick, mad at you, etc. Because your mono-GF is your only source of sex, you are 100% reliant on her schedule and emotional state of mind to provide you with your needed sex. Sometimes you’ll get laid a lot. Other times you’ll have to wait.
Yes, you could cheat, but as I’ve discussed before, men are very bad at not getting caught when they cheat, so if you cheat regularly, you’re going to get caught, then you’ll have to deal with even more drama and even a possible breakup.
Long-term monogamy (long-term being defined as anything expected to last longer than three years) is utterly insane, and that’s only for men who are delusionally ignorant or those men who secretly like drama and chaos in their lives.
Short-term monogamy or serial monogamy is viable for men who have at least some of the following qualities:
1. Have lower sex drives.
2. Have more controlling personalities.
3. Have a higher tolerance for drama, complaints, or arguments.
4. Are more submissive.
5. Are lazy.
6. Have a need for relationships and/or stability.
If you’re in one of those categories, serial monogamy may “work” for you, though notice my quotes around the word “work.” Post-NRE you won’t be nearly as happy as I am or as often, and you won’t have access to sex whenever you want like I do, and you won’t be able to do whatever you want like I can, and you won’t have any sexual variety, but the relationship structure will probably serve your needs for the short-term.
Any men who don’t have at least several of the above qualities should avoid monogamy altogether. You have three other ways of getting sex…
Option 2: Be a pickup artist or player
This is another popular option (at least among Alphas), and the polar opposite of option one. Under this option, you have sex with lots of different women, usually focusing on one night stands and/or very short-term FB-like relationships.
You have much more freedom than a girlfriend guy, but you’re also working a hell of a lot harder. You’re spending many hours a week practicing one of the four game types, going out to the clubs or daygame venues, hitting your social circle hard, cruising the dating sites, hitting on chicks, getting blown out, scheduling day 2s, first dates, and second dates, dealing with flaking women, dealing with women who ghost you, escalating to sex, and all the other fun stuff you’re well aware of if you come from the PUA world.
Those are the pros and the cons in a nutshell. You have massive freedom and can do whatever you want. You have your need for sexual variety constantly sated. On the down side, you’re working much harder than a guy like me or the girlfriend guy. Moreover, eventually you’re going to start to feel lonely, depressed, or at least unfulfilled with your shallow lifestyle, making you very susceptible to oneitis. (This is why oneitis often hits experienced players harder than it hits the typical beta male.) This might take several years, but it will eventually happen unless you’re an unusual exception to the rule.
Option 2 Sexual Availability
Can you get sex whenever you want when you’re a player? The answer is yes, but only if A) you’re good and B) you’re constantly working at it. If you’re a beginner or mediocre, sex on demand isn’t going to happen consistently until you get good. Even after you get good, if you get lazy, tired, or busy with other areas of your life, you’re going to have regular dry spells lasting months (or more).
Years ago on PUA forums I was shocked and saddened to see the numbers of experienced PUAs / players who encountered regular dry spells lasting many months. It was considered a normal thing for them to regularly go months with zero sex. If I ever had to go months without sex I’d kill myself, but I admit I’ve always had a higher-than-average sex drive. (I haven’t gone 30 days without sex since December of 2009, which was almost six friggin’ years ago, and even that was because of a massive snowstorm that paralyzed my entire city.) So if you choose the player option for getting sex, you need to accept that there will be regular dry spells you’ll have to deal with.
Option 2 is viable for men who are more towards the Thrill of the Hunt end of the spectrum, and those who have a strong need for freedom and/or constant sexual variety. It’s also only viable for men who have lots of free time and/or control over their own schedules, since the regular work involved is formidable. If you’re a true Thrill of the Hunt man and you’re loving it, you may not view it as “work,” but you know what I mean.
Option 2 is viable for men who have at least some of the following qualities:
1. Have Thrill of the Hunt personality types, love the hunt, and love the sense of accomplishment of doing something difficult.
2. Have a strong need for sexual variety.
3. Don’t have a strong need for relationships.
4. Have more extroverted personalities.
This leads us into the next common option, though one frowned upon by most of society…
Option 3: Have sex with hookers
This is an option chosen by a smaller segment of the male population who have higher incomes (or more disposable income), and who also don’t mind wearing condoms every time they have sex. Under option 3, you get the freedom of the player but without having to spend all the time, work, and effort. Paying sugar babies for sex is also a variation of option 3.
The downsides? Beyond the obvious ones of condoms and being aware of STDs (at least in areas of the world where this is a problem with hookers), it also costs a hell of a lot more money than the player, who can often get laid for free or close to it. However, men with higher incomes may not consider this a negative, since they make so much money they don’t care or even notice the expense.
Another problem is that option 3 probably is the least societally acceptable option for men getting sex of all four options. You’re probably not going to be able to tell your family and co-workers about how you get laid, or if you do, you’ll have to be somewhat careful and covert about it. It’s true that this stigma against having sex with prostitutes is less in some cultures than in others, but you know what I mean.
Lastly, the man who chooses option 3 will, like the player, eventually feel unfulfilled with this option in the long-term unless he’s an unusual exception to the rule.
Option 3 Sexual Availability
Can you get sex whenever you want under option 3? Yes. Of all the options, option 3 is the most conducive for getting laid literally whenever you want, whenever you need. Sex is never more than a text and a few hundred dollars away.
Option 3 is viable for men who have at least some of the following qualities:
1. Have high incomes, or have lots of regular, disposable income due to low lifestyle.
2. Have no desire for relationships.
3. Have a lower drama tolerance.
4. Are lazy or very busy.
5. Have a strong need for sexual variety.
This brings us to the final option, one most people in society don’t know about yet…
This option is nothing new to anyone who’s read this blog or my books. Under this option, a man maintains a roster of women in an ever-rotating harem of several sexual partners. Some of these partners are just sex (FBs). Some of these partners involve real romantic feelings (MLTRs). If he wants to pair bond with a serious girlfriend, he does so, but he’s still allowed to have sex with FBs on the side (OLTR).
Pros and cons? Let’s start with the cons first. Setting up these relationships involves a very specific process that’s unusual to a man if he’s never done it or seen it done before. It takes a lot of extra work at effort at the beginning of the relationship that the monogamous girlfriend guy never needs to worry about. The girlfriend guy can create a mono-LTR in ten seconds. The MLTR or OLTR guy requires, sometimes, as much as three months of focused effort where he can’t screw up. The good news is that once he’s hit that point, his workload decreases to almost nothing and he’s good to go for a very, very long time.
The other problem is that under this option, women are allowed to have sex with other guys if they want. As I’ve discussed in my books, often women don’t to do this, but sometimes they do. More controlling men or men with more jealous personalities are going to have very difficult time coping with this, requiring some level of conscious jealousy management, at least when he’s new at this stuff.
The final problem is, like option 3, option 4 is not socially acceptable, at least not by most (though this is rapidly changing and won’t be a problem at all in the next decade or two). Guys with MLTRs might be fine, but guys with OLTRs are usually going to have to keep the open aspect a secret to most of their friends and family in order to look normal.
The advantages of option 4 are obvious. Unlike the girlfriend guy, the Alpha Male 2.0 with FBs and MLTRs has massive freedom. He can get sex and female companionship whenever he wants, even if one of his women are unavailable. Unlike the hooker guy, this doesn’t cost him any money (or very little money). Unlike the player, once his relationships are established, he doesn’t have to work hard at all…sex comes to him effortlessly just like with the girlfriend guy.
Taking it to the next level, an Alpha 2.0 with a higher drama tolerance can get an OLTR, and can do all the things and experience all the emotions of the girlfriend guy while still being able to have sex with other women and new women on the side whenever he likes. This is within whatever ground rules the man and the woman set, and every OLTR is different this way. Lazier men will allow their OLTR to set all kinds of rules for them, but more wise Alpha Male 2.0s will only have OLTRs where the number of rules and sexual restrictions are minimal.
Option 4 Sexual Availability
Can the option 4 guy get sex whenever he wants? Once everything is set up, yes. At the very beginning of the process, no. He’ll have to spend some time learning the system and getting some plates up and spinning. However, once he does this (and he only needs to do this once in his life), forevermore he can have sex pretty much whenever he wants.
I’m a hardcore option 4 guy, and as I type these words it’s 2:30 p.m. in the afternoon on a weekday. I already know I’m having sex this evening. But if I wasn’t, or if the woman I’m going to see tonight cancels, I just need to send two or three texts with my phone right now, and I will be getting laid in just a few hours. Sending two or three texts. That’s all the work it requires. It takes about 30 seconds and costs me zero dollars.
This has been the case for me for at least the last seven years, and let me tell you, it’s a great life. I get all the emotions and feelings of the girlfriend guy (when I want them, that is), plus all the freedom and variety of the PUA / player, plus the sex on demand like the hooker guy. Option 4 does have its downsides, but I’ve reached the point where these downsides don’t bother me. I’ve already done the work to lay in the foundations, I never get jealous (too busy with my Mission and I’m not threatened by other men), and I don’t give a shit what other people in my personal or business life think of my relationship life. (Since I published my book last year, everyone already knows. Don’t care.)
Option 4 is viable for men who have at least some of the following qualities:
1. Have higher sex drives.
2. Have a strong need for personal freedom.
3. Have a lower drama tolerance.
4. Have at least a moderate need for sexual variety.
5. Have a need for relationships and/or stability.
6. Have busy schedules.
7. Don’t have controlling personalities.
So there you go, your four options for getting sex on a regular basis, at least in the short-term. As always, none of them are perfect and all of them involve downsides. It’s your job to pick the best one based on your needs and personality. Of course you know my favorite one, by far (Option 4!), but I’m certainly not here to influence you in any way.
Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.