Yes, I’m actually going to talk about this. Today, we’re going to discuss that most dreadful of relationship topics, that oh-so-fun time of the month, That Which Shall Not Be Spoken™. Every man who’s ever lived with a woman or had a long-term relationship with a woman knows exactly what this is, and the evil that it will bring to your life if you’re not prepared for it.
During her period, or menstrual cycle, or PMS, or whatever the hell you want to call it, you’re often in for some extremely irrational, possibly negative behavior that won’t be your fault even though she’ll blame you for it anyway. This depends on the woman of course, and I’ll lay out the different types of period behavior and how to avoid the damage it causes to your happiness.
PMS or Period?
Sometimes people will refer period bitchy-time as “PMS,” when in fact the technical definition of PMS is the bitchy-time during the several days before a woman’s bleeding actually starts. The problem is many women are just fine before the period, and are more emotional/irrational during the period.
Therefore, for the remainder of this article, I’m going to use the term “PMS” to describe any uncharacteristic, irrational behavior (negative or otherwise) from a woman that is tied in any way to her period, regardless of whether these behaviors occur before or during the actual bleeding.
Types of PMS
I have noticed that, generally speaking, there are four types of women when it comes to PMS.
1. Bitchy PMS. This is the standard PMS most people are familiar with. This is when a woman is noticeably more bitchy and angry.
2. Crying/Emotional PMS. These women aren’t actually bitchy during PMS, but are much more sensitive and emotional. These women quickly cry at things that normally wouldn’t bother them at all.
3. Sleepy PMS. Women with sleepy PMS act normal during their monthly “time”, but they have much less energy, get tired much more easily, and seem more lethargic, even lazy.
4. Stealth PMS. These women actually don’t behave any differently, at least to the outside world, during their period/PMS. Either they really don’t experience anything different emotionally or they’ve learned to be very good at hiding it. (This is a small percentage of women.)
It’s important to know which type your female partner(s) falls into. In my experience, the vast majority of women will be in categories 1 or 2. Type 3 is rare, and type 4 is much rarer. (Though birth control is also a factor here.)
There’s a societal trope that says women are hornier during their period (or right before their period, or right after). This is sometimes true. Every woman is different and it really depends. Many experience no difference in sexual desire at all.
Another common belief is that women are hornier during ovulation. I have found this to be generally true but not as absolute as a lot of men seem to think. I have also noticed that any increase in horniness due to either the period or ovulation varies from woman to woman. Some women do get hornier, others get just a little more horny. Again, it depends on the girl.
Timeframe and Tracking
Ovulation usually begins on day 11 or 12 of the month if day 1 is the first day of her period, and it generally lasts 4-5 days. Using a calendar or spreadsheet, it’s pretty easy to figure this out with any particular woman as long as you know the exact date when her period (bleeding) first started. If you do this for 90 days straight, you’ll end up with a reasonably reliable data set. Then you can extrapolate:
1. When she’s going to ovulate next.
2. When her next period is going to start.
3. When her PMS is going to occur (bitchy, crying, or sleepy).
It’s important to reiterate that you need to do this for at least three months, not one month. All women are different. Some women have their periods at exactly 28, 29, or 30 days. Other women have weird bodies and have much shorter cycles (25 days or less). One FB of mine operates on a consistent 42-44 day cycle(!).
Still other women have weird health problems, and can suddenly have “periods” just two weeks after the last one, completely sporadically. Still other women can have their cycles heavily modified by birth control.
When a woman’s cycle is much different than around 30 days, this shortens or lengthens the time between her first day of bleeding and ovulation. Be aware of this. The 11-day period between first blood and ovulation assumes a 29-30 day cycle. The woman you’re tracking may be different.
Bottom line, there is an extremely wide variance in this stuff from woman to woman based on many factors, so if you want to track this and make extrapolations, make sure you’re operating with a minimum of a 90-day history.
Is it really worth tracking a woman’s periods like this? The answer is, it depends.
Way back when I was a married beta male, my wife at the time would have these days when she would wake up in the morning and immediately start screaming her head off at me about completely stupid shit for no reason. Being the dumbshit I am, this confused the hell out of me for years. Then one day, I saw a stand-up comedian making a joke about how he tracked his wife’s periods on a calendar. Immediately a light bulb went on, and I started tracking her periods along with the days when she was a bitch-for-no-reason.
Sure enough, lock clockwork, her bitchy days were always within 4 days of the start of her next period. I was amazed. Going forward, I would simply pre-plan these days for the next month, and just started staying the hell away from her during those 3-4 days. If she caught me anyway and started bitching at me during those days, I’d just say “Hey, yeah. You know what? Let’s discuss that on…let’s see…<quickly remembered the period calendar>…Saturday.” Then I’d terminate the conversation as fast as I could or leave the room.
These days I would handle something like that differently (INSTANT SOFT NEXT!), but back then it really helped, and saved me a lot of hassle.
Today, as an Alpha Male 2.0 with the FB/MLTR lifestyle, do I really need to track women’s periods like this? Sometimes, but usually not. I don’t live with a woman, and I only see any individual woman once a week. Often these women make sure to not see me during their periods (their choice, not mine, I couldn’t care less). Even if we do see each other during her PMS time, it’s only for a few hours, so we don’t have enough time for her to get bitchy/crying/sleepy with me.
If I do have an MLTR I start to spend more time with (still once a week but for a longer span of time, like she spends 24-48 hours with me), then yes, I will start tracking those periods. Based on her PMS type and pattern, if necessary I will make sure that I don’t see her during any problematic time. It also assists as a second or even third layer of pregnancy prevention. Simple.
I would also certainly do this if I was living with an OLTR, where soft nexting is impossible (unless you’re doing something creative like a Dual Live In or Virtual Live In OLTR). Moreover, a woman who was really bitchy during PMS as a regular pattern wouldn’t even qualify for an OLTR (live-in or otherwise) in the first place, low-drama being the number one qualification for such a relationship (at least in my opinion).
1. If you find that your gal really gets hornier during her period, or during ovulation, or both, then use this to your advantage. Use those days to attempt the more freaky stuff you’ve always wanted to try, like anal sex, threesomes, or whatever.
2. Never, ever, EVER verbalize to a woman that she’s being a bitch because she’s on her period, even if that really is the only reason she’s being a bitch. Telling a PMSing bitch that she’s only bitching because she’s PMSing will create a tidal wave of irrational, screaming anger-drama the likes of which you’ve never seen. Women HATE to admit that sometimes they’re angry at someone mostly because of their own PMS. You do yourself no favors by bringing it up.
3. You can tell her that you’re tracking her periods if you want. Just do this on a day when she’s not going through PMS. Sometimes doing this makes women try to be a little nicer to you during their periods. Women will get accustomed to this and some will even like the fact that you’re doing it. I seriously have some women ask me, “Can you check your sheet to see when I start my period again?”
4. What if a woman is a bitch to you during PMS? You should know the answer by now: instant soft next! Soft next, soft next, soft next! It’s the most powerful and effective weapon in your relationship toolbox. If you want to live a life of consistent, long-term happiness, you MUST get comfortable using this technique no matter how weird it sounds to you the first time you read about it. Men who refuse to soft next are at the complete mercy of women’s drama, including period-drama, unless the relationship is relatively new. Once you get comfortable soft nexting women when needed, you’ll never fear a woman’s PMS again. (Of course if you’re one of those guys who “kinda likes” drama, don’t ever soft next. Just keep yelling at her.)
5. Should you have sex with a woman while she’s on her period? I certainly do, but I know lots of men who are turned off by this. I don’t care if a woman has a blood down there; I just won’t go down on her. Everything else works just fine. If there’s a lot of blood, there’s always lube. If you’re concerned about blood stains on your bed or floor, buy two red bath towels, lay ‘em down, lay her down, and rock n’ roll. Works great.
6. Is being on her period a valid excuse for her to not have sex with you? If she’s never had sex with you, and we’re talking about the very first time, then yes, it’s a valid excuse. Having first-time sex with a guy is scary for a woman, even an experienced one, and she wants to look, feel, and smell her best.
But if you’ve already had sex numerous times and she says no to sex because she’s on her period? NO. Unless she’s experiencing real cramping pain, that is not a valid reason at all and she’s just using this as an excuse because she’s starting to lose sexual interest in you. Of course no means no, and if she doesn’t want to have sex, you can’t have sex with her. Regardless, if a woman you’re dating ever resists sex and uses her period as a convenient scapegoat, this means you’re either A) monogamous or B) open/poly but have screwed up on the usual open/poly relationship rules. Either way, sexual boredom and/or betaization has started to set in, and it’s probably going to get worse unless you make some radical changes.
Anyway, as you can see, managing PMS is no big deal as long as you structure your relationship correctly and you take the proper precautions.