first date advice, first online date, online dating advice, meaning of an open relationship, alpha male traits

I was cruising through my archive the other day looking for something, and I realized there were several interesting events and stories from those old posts that I never updated. I thought it might be fun to dig up a few of those older posts and update you on how those stories ended (or didn’t end).

I recommend that, before you read how each event ended, you click the link it refers to and read the post to get up to speed, so you can put the ending into context.

Let’s do it!

What Is A Gold Digger – From March, 2011

Ah yes, where did this woman end up?

Exactly 14 months after she sent me that message, she got married to a high-income beta male who curiously looked just like me. (She definitely has a physical type.) We spoke several times over texts or Facebook since then, and she seems happy in beta-male-married bliss. He spends piles of cash on her and follows her orders…in other words, the standard marriage.

For some strange reason, she often posts divorce statistics on her Facebook and loves bragging about how she could beat the odds (even though this is her second marriage and she’s only been married for three years).

Good-looking woman married to a high-income beta. I’m sure you can guess how I think she will end up.

When She Ignores You – From July 2011

The girl I described in the above post became a very fun, very high sex drive, low-drama FB for ten months. She LSNFTEd me for a guy I don’t know much about, and returned (as 94% of them do) eight months later. I continued to see her for about a year and we slowly drifted apart.

About a year later, I tried to touch base with her and bring her back into the fold, but I couldn’t find her. No working phone numbers, no Facebook, just gone. Usually this means that a woman has moved or has experienced some other major lifestyle change.

She was a great gal and I wish her the best.

Facebook Dating – A Real Example – From September 2011

I did end up going out on a first date with this girl, a very cute and spunky 22 year-old of Ukrainian descent. The first date went well, though I never saw her again after that. Why? Per the usual Russian / Ukrainian problem I’ve discussed before, she was a Dominant with inflexible Disney fantasies. She mentioned over texts that she thought it was horrible that I started having sex with women so soon after my divorce.

As you can see, I talked too much during the first date. Good thing I don’t make that mistake anymore.

How To Get Sex Online With Low Response – From June 2012

A few years ago, this was one of the most popular old blog posts. In it, I discussed how I had quick and easy sex with a cute, girly 23 year-old from an online dating blitz with just a 2% response rate. How did she end up?

I’m happy to say this 23 year-old, who is now about to turn 27, became the longest consistent FB (no nexts, no LSFNTEs) of my entire life. We’ve been hanging out and having sex, consistently, for over three years now. During that time she’s had two serious boyfriends and one fiancé, and still sees me on the side. Granted, her activity level with me goes way down when she gets a new guy and experiences NRE, but she’s still “around.”

I get statements from her like “I’m addicted to you” and “Why can’t other men be like you?” She complains that every man she dates either turns boring (betas) or bossy (Alpha 1.0s).

She’s a testament to two of my core concepts:

1. Online dating is not about response rates. It’s about getting laid. You want to be the guy who gets laid with very low response rates (me) instead of the guy who gets high response rates but rarely gets laid (most online PUAs). The first guy is being very time efficient and isn’t working very hard. The second guy is wasting massive amounts of time with attention whores and women who don’t actually want to meet up in real life.

2. Alpha Male 2.0s are extremely rare in society, so when a woman encounters one she will go back to him over and over again, for years on end, since neither betas or Alpha 1.0s can compete in the long run.

Funny Events From My Relationship Life – From September 2014

I tell several of my stories in that post, but now I’ll only refer to the ones involving women I actually had sex with and dated.

The older woman in “A Daring Risk” I saw sporadically for a few months until she developed some very severe health problems which prevented her from having sex. We’re still internet-friends and communicate occasionally.

The younger woman from “That Awkward Moment” has become one of my longest overall-though-inconsistent relationships. We’ve been playing around, off and on again, for seven years. She was 18 when I met her, she’s now almost 26.

The Russian woman from “No Russian” was also a very long-term, inconsistent relationship, bouncing from FB to MLTR depending on her life. She moved across the country a few years ago. We still communicate. She’s one of the few women who became interested in my Blackdragon work and even sometimes comments on this blog.

The blonde from “Unpleasant Surprise” didn’t last long. I just couldn’t stomach having sex with woman with a rock-hard body. Regardless, she’s a very sweet person and one of the nicest women I’ve ever met.

The weirdo from “All Backed Up” also did not last long. She came back after a brief LSFNTE but I haven’t seen her in years, by choice.

The Asian girl from “Perfect English” was actually my last OLTR. Our relationship ended about 2.5 years ago. Since then, she snagged an extreme beta boyfriend, now runs his life, and is planning on marrying him. My prediction is she’ll actually marry him, have two kids with him, then divorce him. (Poor betas.)

The redhead bisexual girl from “Lesbians Are Awesome” was one of my favorite MLTRs of all time. She actually went full-bore lesbian several years later. After getting a serious girlfriend, she hooked up with me a few more times, then got a different girlfriend, married her (legally), and moved away.

Since monogamy doesn’t work even with gay people, she got divorced, had mountains of drama, piles of legal hassle, and moved back to the area. (Gay people have no idea what they’ve done to themselves now that they can get legally married. Legally married = legally divorced. I can’t wait to see older lesbians getting financially raped when the younger lesbians they marry divorce their asses. But I digress.)

Since then, she’s hooked up with another serious girlfriend. We’re still distant friends, and I joke about how I “turned her gay,” since I was the last man she ever had sex with. Her response was, “Actually, if I had to marry a man, I’d marry you.”

At the moment, I’m patiently waiting for her to end NRE with her current girlfriend. Then perhaps I can bring her back to the dark side.

That’s it for now. As you can see, I have a pretty fun time, even with the relationships that don’t “work out” (by the Societal Programming definition of that phrase).

24 Comments on “Updates On Past Stories

  1. A more light-hearted post this one.  🙂

    This reinforces that with abundance mentality, the door is never closed to hooking up again with some “exes” – people move in and out of our lives and we either learn from them and have gratitude for the fact that we knew them or we can stamp our feet if they leave.

    We must allow people to come and go as they please. (Especially as this is the most certain way of seeing them again if that is what we want.)

    I’m sure we all have some stories to tell. I’ll hold fire on that until I see how the post develops. 😀

     

  2. Got a kick out of the lesbian divorce thing.  Back before the Supreme Court ruling, gay marriage was still illegal here.  A lesbian couple went to wherever to get married, and they came back wearing rings and prancing and dancing with glee.  A few months later, they decided they weren’t really married after all, since it wasn’t legally binding in this state.

    I wonder if that caught up with them now that it’s legal.  If so, serves them right.  I was stupid enough to get married, but in 1994 it wasn’t so obvious what a guaranteed disaster that was.

  3. It seems like most of the girls in these stories seem ok with all of this Alpha 2.0 stuff?  It drives me nearly crazy some days because being a girl, I’m on the other end of it.  I need to know how to finally be at peace with and accept it.

    I’m bringing this up because I’m seeing someone who doesn’t want to be exclusive with me.  I imagine it’s because he’s keeping himself open for another girl as she may come along.  I’m not seeing anybody else and I don’t want to; I only want to see him.  I’m not giving him any grief or trying to convince him to be exclusive with me, but I’ve been sort of upset over it for awhile.  The reason I’m upset is I feel maybe he doesn’t like me too much and is holding off for someone even better.  But we see each other usually two days a week and do things together.  It’s not like he comes over and we just bang and then he leaves. So he must like me if we are spending quality time together as well.

    I can’t get good advice from my girl friends because when I tell any of them this, they are horrified and tell me to stop seeing him at once and find someone who will commit.  But I like this guy a ton and I want to keep seeing him!  Just like BD said above, when a girl meets an Alpha 2.0, we’ll want to be with them pretty much no matter what.  I just need to know how to be able to accept and be at peace with him possibly talking to and seeing other girls.  Is the answer just as obvious as it’s just how guys naturally are and it is nothing personal against me?

  4. @ Bulma 78

    …………because being a girl, I’m on the other end of it.

    You are only on the other end of what you are prepared to accept. Most of what you are prepared to accept is based on what society tells you is proper.

    But we see each other usually two days a week and do things together.  It’s not like he comes over and we just bang and then he leaves. So he must like me if we are spending quality time together as well.

    Nothing in an Alpha 2.0 lifestyle says you can’t hang out and have fun as well. Of course he likes you. He just doesn’t want to be locked down. Does he allow you to see other men? I hope he does.

    I can’t get good advice from my girl friends because when I tell any of them this, they are horrified and tell me to stop seeing him at once and find someone who will commit.

    They are horrified. Are you?

    But I like this guy a ton and I want to keep seeing him!  Just like BD said above, when a girl meets an Alpha 2.0, we’ll want to be with them pretty much no matter what.  I just need to know how to be able to accept and be at peace with him possibly talking to and seeing other girls.  Is the answer just as obvious as it’s just how guys naturally are and it is nothing personal against me?

    It isn’t personal. It is how this guy is. Sounds as though he has been clear with you. Just enjoy it and stop listening to (or asking) your girlfriends for advice.

    It’s not “how men naturally are”. Both men and women can adopt this lifestyle if they want and BE HAPPY. 😀

  5. Thank you Al.  You know, this advice really does mean a lot to me.

    My friends don’t understand why I’d waste my time with a guy that doesn’t want to be exclusive with me, so they think I’m nuts when I tell them I’m still seeing him and we’re still not exclusive.  I asked him if he’s seeing or sleeping with anyone else and he said no, and that hopefully I wasn’t either, but………… he’s still on online dating looking for girls and when he travels, he changes the location on his profile to whatever city/state he’s going to be in.  He may not be seeing anyone else at the moment, so I can’t say he’s being dishonest, but I feel he’s keeping his eyes open for someone else. Of course he’s totally entitled to that because we aren’t exclusive, so I can’t give him any grief about it. This is why my friends are horrified, because I know all of this stuff and yet I’m still seeing him.  Even though it is upsetting, there is something about him…….that I just have to give him a free pass.  Because I would rather keep seeing him under these circumstances than cut him off and never see him again.  The way I’m trying to see it is that we are having a lot of fun, plus I have a huge puppy-love crush on him.  We’ve never argued and he’s never been mean to me or cancelled plans with me and I think these things count for a lot.

  6. @ Bulma 78

    I asked him if he’s seeing or sleeping with anyone else and he said no, and that hopefully I wasn’t either, but………… he’s still on online dating looking for girls and when he travels, he changes the location on his profile to whatever city/state he’s going to be in.

    I wonder why he feels free to say that he hopes you aren’t seeing or sleeping with anyone else? That’s a bit of an alarm bell for me when it is obvious that he is looking about. He seems to have told you that he won’t be exclusive from what you said earlier but want’s you not to see anyone else. That’s Alpha 1.0 behaviour, not Alpha 2.0

    So, remember, you are in charge of yourself. I’d tell him that he is free to do whatever he wants BUT, SO ARE YOU. See what his reaction is.

    If he is seeing other people but denying it, then he is lying. If he sleeps with someone else and tells you, you may not like it, but he won’t be cheating.

    So yes, enjoy him but don’t let “puppy love” sell yourself short.

    And, I’d have a go at seeing someone else yourself. Use a condom though! Always. 🙂

  7. It seems like most of the girls in these stories seem ok with all of this Alpha 2.0 stuff?

    Yep, more or less.

    Women are getting really tired of being getting cheated on.

    I’m bringing this up because I’m seeing someone who doesn’t want to be exclusive with me.

    Good for him!

    I’m not seeing anybody else and I don’t want to; I only want to see him.

    Describes most of my women too. Again, good for him! Warms my heart.

    I just need to know how to be able to accept and be at peace with him possibly talking to and seeing other girls.  Is the answer just as obvious as it’s just how guys naturally are and it is nothing personal against me?

    The answer is: What are you comparing it too?

    You’re comparing to a relationship where he will eventually cheat on your behind your back, you’ll find out, and then feel like shit.

    Or, you’re comparing it to a relationship where he doesn’t ever cheat on you, you’ll get bored and restless in the relationship, feel unfulfilled, then the relationship will end, likely badly.

    How are those two options better than the Alpha 2.0 option? When you really get what I’m saying, you’ll understand.

    Have you done a write up on Trump and his marriages?

    Would you please?

    Yes I have. Right here. Just replace “Tom Cruise” with “Donald Trump” (who I do mention in the article as following the same relationship model).

  8. “Good for him!”

    “Describes most of my women too. Again, good for him! Warms my heart.”

    Thanks Black Dragon. Good for him, sure, but I’m being a good sport, so give me a pat on the back too :o)

    This is very helpful advice as well.  Especially the part where you said there are only two other options.  Those two options always start out really good, but like you said, they always end up really bad.  I think I was stuck on wanting the really good, first parts and so I forgot about the really bad parts to come; I wasn’t thinking that far ahead yet.

    Also, how you said most of the girls you are seeing don’t see anyone else, I can understand for sure and that is good to know. I like to put all of my emotional energy into one guy……..and Al mentioned I should perhaps try seeing someone else in addition to him…….but I kind of tried already and couldn’t go through with it, so it’s just not in my nature to be with more than one person at a time and that is just fine with me.

    This is actually the very first time I’ve ever been seeing and sleeping with a guy that I have not been exclusive with and I have to say, it doesn’t feel any different than it would if we had that boyfriend/girlfriend label on it.  Basically, it feels the exact same except minus the label and that really surprised me.

  9. Also, how you said most of the girls you are seeing don’t see anyone else, I can understand for sure and that is good to know.

    To be fair, when I say “most” it’s about 55-60%. Plenty of my women do play around with other guys, but even those women don’t do it consistently, just sporadically.

  10. Hey BD thanks for the updates. I’m pretty keen to hear how you’re going with blackjack – do you still play in the same style as in your article? Still winning?

    Cheers mate

  11. So he must like me if we are spending quality time together as well.

     

    @Bulma78:

    The best evidence I can give a woman that I like her is sleeping with other women. I don’t want to get monogamous because I don’t want to start hating her. I don’t want her to lose her attraction for me. So if I’m falling in love with a girl, I’ll make damn sure to sleep with other girls and commit myself to non-monogamy at all cost.

    If I am indifferent to a girl, or if I’m starting to hate her, I still won’t do monogamy (because why be miserable?) but I won’t be horrified by the idea of mono. If I hate you, it feels like we’re mono anyway. On the other hand, if I really like you, or am close to falling in love with you, I must increase the number of women I sleep with on the side, in order to avoid losing your attraction and stop myself from hating you.

    Do you understand this?

     

     

  12. @ Jack Outside the Box

    Would you start to hate her because you would resent the restrictions on your freedom and attempt to possess you, or out of resentment at her shrinking attraction? Or both?

    I’ve lost attraction for pretty much everyone I’ve ever been monogamous with, but I’ve never hated any of them.

  13. @Kryptokate:

    Would you start to hate her because you would resent the restrictions on your freedom and attempt to possess you, or out of resentment at her shrinking attraction? Or both?

    Both, with an emphasis on the latter. The former could easily be solved with me cheating.

    But primarily, the enormous responsibility of being her only source of sex would motivate her to become either controlling or manipulative in a needy and clingy way, which is something that really disgusts me as pathetic and contemptible because it turns her into a needy child. It’s hard for me to respect any woman who isn’t sleeping with at least two other men besides me (or is, but doesn’t want to).

    It would be one thing if a woman trying to control a man and turn him into her lapdog would make the woman happy and horny. I still wouldn’t tolerate such an insult to my dignity, but at least it would then make some sort of rational sense.

    But women shit test men precisely by trying to get them to do things that the woman will be disappointed with them for doing, despite the fact that it was her idea. I would see my girlfriend getting more and more bored with me, more and more miserable, and more and more disgusted at the prospect of having sex with me. Eventually, she would cheat on me or maybe even have a baby with another man and try to pass it off as mine. And why would all this happen? Because of the monogamy that she herself precisely wanted!

    Women inviting that which will make them miserable and put them in a position where they have no choice but to disrespect the man whom they wanted this from in the first place makes me not respect them and truly resent them, because this is a disaster of their own making and I hate self-destructive people who then take out their own self-made problems on someone else.

    Add to this the neediness and clinginess that comes with me being the only source of sex for her (before she starts cheating) and I start to feel like I’m dealing with a child in an adult body. Female neediness disgusts me. I don’t want the responsibility of being a woman’s only source of sex or seeing her follow me around like a Disney puppy.

    And yes, the restrictions that she would try to place on my freedom, thus causing me to cheat on her, would just add to the negativity of the situation, until we would both become so claustrophobic and crazy that we would lose our sanity, but still impulsively cling to one another out of habit.

    That’s where the hate would come in – when one starts to desperately need someone who is no good for them, it creates resentment for that someone. I’ve slept with enough married women and women with boyfriends to know firsthand how this works. And I’ve also experienced it from the other end when I used to be monogamous (and cheating/been cheated on).

    Polyamory is the only way to avoid losing the love that you feel and have it be replaced with resentment from both sides. A poly lifestyle is also the only way I can stay sane.

     

  14. @Jack Outside the Box

    This little bit “but still impulsively cling to one another out of habit.” is so painfully common in so many LTR‘s out there.  I see so many couple just desperately hanging in there even after/during infidelity, etc… just because of the “devil I know” mentality.  They have no business being together but just stick around because it’s the known.  Sad state.

  15. @ BD

    Some questions if I may.

    It seems from recent comments on this and other posts, that generally, men are more comfortable with multiple partners than woman are. You said yourself that about half of your gals don’t seek sex elsewhere and that of those that do, it’s a bit sporadic.

    Assuming I’ve got that bit right, do you know, or can you make an educated guess as to how much SP is responsible for women tending towards monogamy (even if they are comfortable, or say they are, with their man seeing other women) and how much of this actually is in the female nature.

    Slightly different topic but would you agree that if men are adopting an Alpha 2.0 lifestyle, then what their women do with other men is none of our business? (Assuming it’s legal etc. and isn’t going to affect us).

  16. @Al,

    I think the dichotomy between men/women is simplified by understanding each gender’s reproductive strategy:

    Men:  Either r/k selection (invest in multiple women versus put all investment into one women)

    Women: Hypergamy (fuck the best gene’s they can find, and LTR with the best provider they can find; these may not be the same person, just look at all the single mom’s out there).

    I think SP plays into this with the belief that mono relationships are “good”, sluts are “bad”.  Hell, neither swingers or polyamorists can be open about their lifestyle; they have no protection against discrimination… having consensual, casual, heterosexual sex is more taboo than homosexuality!

    And yes, BD already mentioned before that as Alpha 2’s, we don’t really care what women do with other men (as long as they are having safe sex).  In the unlikely event my women see other guys, I like hearing about it since it’s entertaining or a good source of information…

  17. @ Five Six,

    Thank you. I only asked as I detect an underlying desire with quite a few men who consider themselves to be Alpha 2.0  to control a harem. They can do what they like but their women can’t. I really can’t fathom that one.

    Also, I’m sure a lot more women would take on more than one partner if they felt society would support them, not shame them. This would reduce the pressure on everyone!

    If my friends talk to me (rarely) about their other men it’s usually in complaint mode.

    Oh well 🙂

    Perhaps slightly more on topic, I was looking back over my past trying to find something amusing to post and all that I could find is that nearly all my “exes” are married now! Happily we assume. Not.

  18. It seems from recent comments on this and other posts, that generally, men are more comfortable with multiple partners than woman are.

    Men are generally more comfortable having multiple simultaneous sex partners than women, yes. Sex has a stronger non-physical component with women. Sex is (sadly) more “complicated” for women than us dudes.

    However! Women are WAY more comfortable with open relationships than men. This is why we can have FBs/MLTRs, but when women try to have multiple men as FBs/MLTRs, they run into a lot of problems. Men are very territorial and needy.

    Assuming I’ve got that bit right, do you know, or can you make an educated guess as to how much SP is responsible for women tending towards monogamy (even if they are comfortable, or say they are, with their man seeing other women) and how much of this actually is in the female nature.

    Female nature. Sex requires more mental and emotional gas for women than it does for dudes.

    would you agree that if men are adopting an Alpha 2.0 lifestyle, then what their women do with other men is none of our business? (Assuming it’s legal etc. and isn’t going to affect us).

    Generally yes but I wouldn’t go as far as saying it’s none of your business across the board. Every Alpha Male 2.0 is different. Some aren’t going to care at all what she does. Others are going to let her do whatever she wants, but they (the men) are going to want to know what she’s doing, just to be informed, or because of curiosity. Still others will have more ground rules set up in his OLTR than is typical.

    So it depends on the Alpha 2.0.

    I personally don’t give a shit as long as the guys she’s fucking are wearing condoms (which means she’s demonstrated long-term responsible behavior) and she gets regular STD tests that I see. Beyond that, I don’t even want to hear about it, nor care. But that’s me.

    How is your TRT going?

    It’s going great! I’ve got one final article to write about that. Coming soon.

  19. @Al

    Yeah, if they’re trying to control a harem they are Alpha 1s, not 2s.  Their ego has a need that’s depending on others for the outcome of their own happiness.  That’s why 2’s are happier anyway… for me, I am responsible for my happiness/fulfillment.

Leave a Reply

To leave a comment, enter your comment below. PLEASE make sure to read the commenting rules before commenting, since failure to follow these rules means your comment may be deleted. Also please do not use the username “Anonymous” or “Anon” or any variation thereof (makes things too confusing).

Off-topic comments are allowed, but Caleb will ignore those.

Caleb responds to comments in person, but he only does so on the two most current blog articles.

Related Posts

Begin typing your search term above and press enter to search.