A few weeks ago I posted this article about how women waste their entire lives looking for a Unicorn Man who doesn’t exist. This man is the “Submissive Alpha,” a strong, tough, take-charge, masculine badass who also obeys all of her instructions, treats her like a lady at all times, and never cheats on her. In other words, a man who literally doesn’t exist.

Women instead must choose between a beta male, who will follow her orders and treat her like a lady but eventually bore the shit out of her, or an Alpha Male, who will constantly keep her attracted and excited but who will at least semi-regularly be breaking her big relationship rules (such as cheating). There is no such thing as a “Beta-Alpha,” yet women will happily waste decades of their lives, going through cheating, breakups, and divorces looking for this man, until finally figuring out there is no such thing by the time she’s in her 50s.

Today we’re going to talk about how many Alpha Males do the same damn thing; wasting their entire lives looking for a Unicorn Woman who doesn’t exist. I’ve discussed this topic several times before but never examined it fully.

I observed this delusion so often with Alphas that many years ago I came up with a term to describe it: Guy-Disney. Per the glossary, here’s the definition:

Guy-Disney – The incorrect thought men have that somewhere out there is a girl who will love you forever, never cheat on you, never get bored with you, and never break up with you.

And there you go. That’s Ms. Unicorn Woman. Because of Guy-Disney, Alpha Males will have sex with scores, if not hundreds of women looking for this special person…and yet never find her.

Why? Because she doesn’t exist.

Since men are not women, men exhibit this life-wasting fantasy very differently than females. In their pursuit for Unicorn Man, women simply go on date after date and have relationship after relationship until they’re finally exhausted in their 50s and settle for whichever beta male happens to be left standing when the music stops. Men, being a little more methodical, go about this delusion in four phases.

Phase One

Men in phase one of this destructive process tend to be younger and not very experienced in long-term relationships yet. What little he knows regarding these things are what he reads on web sites and what he observes from older people in his family. The attitude is something like this:

Somewhere out there is the Girl For Me™. I just need to be very Alpha, fuck a lot of sluts, and be very good at screening. Once we’re in a relationship, I need to not take any of her shit and take charge. Then we’ll be together forever, and it will be great. Sure, it will be some work, but I’m up to the challenge. I know it can be done. My uncle did it.

Mr. Naive then proceeds to get good at game, have sex with a few women, then get oneitis for one, get monogamous, and then move in or get married to her. After a brief NRE phase lasting one to four years, all the problems begin, drama ensues, possibly some cheating, then he gets divorced or breaks up.

Still seeking the Unicorn Woman who doesn’t exist, he is undaunted. He then enters phase two.

Phase Two

Phase two usually begins right after a man has had a bad breakup or divorce. He says something like this:

Wow, she was a bitch! Thank god I learned my lesson and won’t be with a woman like THAT again! The NEXT girl won’t be like that. She Won’t Be Like The Rest™. My NEXT wife (or girlfriend) will be sweet, kind, sexual, and loyal. Not like THAT fuckin’ bitch! Good thing I’ve upped my game and knowledge! That nightmare won’t happen to me again!

I’ve been amazed, stunned really, at the number of otherwise intelligent men I see, Alphas included, who go though a terrible divorce only to get married again a few years later the exact same way: fully monogamous, no prenup, with full expectations that This Time It Will Work™.

So many men do a “Howard Stern” after a bad breakup or divorce, declaring loudly to the world that marriage sucks, that they’ll never get married again, only to be married again just a few years later.

As I’ve discussed many times before, the divorce rates for second marriages are worse than first marriages, so invariably these men get divorced again (if they married) or go though a big dramatic breakup again (if they weren’t married).

Since he’s still on the mission of searching for Ms. Unicorn Woman, he keeps chugging along, only this time he often enters phase three. This is where things start getting complicated…

Phase Three

After having repeated problems with women because they aren’t Unicorn Woman, an Alpha often enters phase three. If you’ve been reading the manosphere for a while, phase three is going to sound very familiar:

All the women in <My Country> are fat, slutty, skanky, angry, trashy, feminist, gold digging whores. Dammit! I can’t marry any of these bitches! But in <New Country>, they’re all beautiful, skinny, feminine, submissive, loyal angels, just like women used to be back in the 1950s when everything was perfect. I’m going to move to New Country, because that’s where I’ll find Unicorn Woman. She certainly doesn’t live in My Country, because My Country sucks! Man, I can’t wait to get to New Country so I can find her and be happy!

New Country is usually some country in Eastern Europe, though sometimes it’s in Asia, and sometimes it’s simply a different country in the Western world (the US included). Every Alpha in phase three of this delusion has a different New Country where he’s excited to find Ms. Unicorn Woman. My Country can also vary widely, and it’s endlessly humorous to read one Alpha bitching about his My Country while another Alpha can’t wait to move there because it’s his New Country. Hilarious!

Before I lay into this insanity, I want to make two things clear:

1. I have said repeatedly that if you’re unhappy where you live, MOVE. Therefore, yes, if you hate the people in your country or city, you need to pack your shit and move. I congratulate men who have the balls to do this, since I see way too many men whine like babies about where they live, yet stay there with all the usual boo-hoo excuses about how they “can’t move.”

2. I completely agree that some cities are harder to get laid in than others. It’s easier to get laid in Miami or Rio than it is to get laid in San Francisco or Toronto. There’s no question about that. But I’m not talking about getting laid today. I’m talking about Guy-Disney, finding that Unicorn Woman who is Not Like The Rest™ and will Love You Forever™.

The problem is that Ms. Unicorn Woman doesn’t exist in My Country or New Country. She doesn’t exist at all. As I’ve been talking about forever, she’s biologically hard-wired to get sexually bored with you after a few years of living with you in a monogamous state. This is how she’s designed, and it doesn’t matter if she was born in Chicago, Kiev, or Bangkok.

Moreover, unless she lives in the Muslim Middle East, she lives in a society where she’s not only allowed to break up or divorce you whenever she wants, and for any reason she wants, but is actually pressured to do so from strong, modern-day Societal Programming regarding the Strong Independent Woman™.

Therefore, at some point, assuming the monogamous relationship lasts long enough, she’s going to either A) get bored with you and start restricting sex, or B) leave you / divorce you, or C) leave you / divorce you when she catches you cheating on her (which we both know you eventually will), or D) cheat on you. The odds are overwhelming that one of those four things are going to happen, no matter how sweet, submissive, feminine, or religious she is, or how great her upbringing was, or if her parents are still married, etc.

These factors are true if she lives in the USA, Spain, Norway, Ukraine, Romania, Argentina, the Philippines, or any other New Country you have in mind. Again, it might be easier to get laid in those places, so if your goal is to be a sex tourist and nothing else, then have at it. But there aren’t any Unicorn Women in these countries, because there aren’t any Unicorn Women anywhere.

Sadly, phase three isn’t the end. I see many Alphas on the quest for Ms. Unicorn Woman eventually enter phase four…

Phase Four

Phase four is where things get really depressing:

WTF? I moved to New Country and it was great for a while but now all the women here are are bitchy, feministy, trashy sluts too! God damn Apple and their fucking iPhones! Fucking left-wingers! Fucking consumer culture! They’ve even corrupted the women HERE too! NOW where the hell is my Unicorn Woman! How can I be happy? ARRRRGGHH!!

Phase four is the Alpha Male equivalent of the woman in her early to mid 50s who’s suddenly realized with horror that she’s wasted her entire life looking for a man who doesn’t exist. The guy in phase four is now angry and jaded beyond belief, and has no where to go. Many of these guys still think there are Unicorn Women, but that Western culture has transformed them all into slutty bitches. As I said above, they’re actually half right, in that Societal Programming is 50% of this problem. However, the other 50% is biology, and SP has nothing to do with that.

The Solution

If you’re a man reading this, you’re my brother. I want you to be happy. I’m not trying to piss you off. I’m going to tell you exactly how to not waste your life looking for something that isn’t real, and to live a life full of masculine happiness.

1. Never get 100% sexually monogamous (unless you enjoy drama). Never promise absolute sexual monogamy to a woman (because you’ll cheat and she’ll find out) and never expect a woman to be monogamous (because she’ll eventually either leave, restrict sex, or cheat). Have a serious OLTR instead of a girlfriend, or have an OLTR marriage instead of a standard marriage.

2. Unless you’re already both over age 60, never emotionally expect any relationship to last “the rest of your life.” For people under 60, ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE TEMPORARY. Expecting something to last two or three years, or five years, or perhaps even 10 years is fine. Expecting it to last 45 years is Guy-Disney, and now you’re insane.

3. Never logistically or legally plan on a woman being around “the rest of your life.” It doesn’t matter how Alpha you are, we don’t live in that world any more. I’m sorry, but we just don’t. Never get legally married. If you can’t control yourself and get legally married anyway, make sure you make her sign an enforceable prenup, live in a region that actually enforces those, make sure she signs it at least six months before the wedding (12 months is better), have the signing witnessed by a judge, and keep your finances separate during the marriage. If you want kids, make sure you both sign and file a parenting plan before anyone gets pregnant.

4. Most importantly, realize that unicorns don’t exist. We make fun of women all the time for believing in fairy tale bullshit; we men must follow our own advice. There isn’t some perfect, forever loyal, forever sexual woman waiting for you just beyond the next hill, just beyond the next lay, or even beyond the ocean. In the real world, even the “perfect” woman for you, even a woman you love very much, is going to have some aspects to her you’ll strongly dislike. Moreover, she’ll be hard-coded with the eventually-get-bored-with-you behaviors whether you like it or not (never promising monogamy alleviates this though).

If you follow the above advice, you can still find happiness via pair bonding to a special girl; just do it in a way that is congruent to real-life realities.

72 Comments on “Men’s Great Flaw: Looking For The Unicorn Woman

  1. Not much more to be said really. This sums it all up.

    A simple way to look at it is that unless relationships are “forced” by marriage or living together, all relationships are temporary. That’s the way we are.

    As a man, how many of the male friends you had at 20 will you have at 45? Some maybe. But if we drift apart from male friends, we don’t try to force the issue. So why do it with women? 🙂

  2. True for most men.

    A working solution to create this unicorn female is the follwong advice:

    Step 1: Have sex with the woman. Here a relationship starts. If it feels great proceed to next step. If not here it Ends.

    Step 2: Spend a lot of time with her. Movie, Restaurants, fam/friends, talk a lot AND have even more sex. If it feels good, proceed to next step. If not go back to step 1 or go back to step 1 (She will end it soon enough)

    Step 3: Live with her. At least a year. If it feels good and the sex is still great, proceed to next step. If not end it.

    Step 4: After Step 1- 3 are done AND she has proven her worth to you (=submissive to all your orders) AND she (!) wants a Baby (note: If you want a Baby this does NOT Count, it must be her wish. If a woman does not want a Baby with you it is a big red flag) you give it a go. Prepare for possible seperation upfront just as BD advices.

    Only if all that is great and wonderful AND you have a lot of sex during pregnancy and soon after child birth (this does include blowjobs and/or buttsex in the weeks following birth) AND she is a great mother and still you have plenty of sex. Then and only then should you consider to marry her. If you do marry and want to spend the next 25 years with her; prepare yourself to father many children with her. At least one new baby every 4-5 years you are together until she is 40+. If she is now 25 you will end up with 4-5 children total. Make sure you have the Money for this with her NOT working.

    Final note: Even with all this done, you will most likely want to fuck other women, younger women, not pregnant women etc. while you are with her. This is 200% true if you are an Alpha male who has the Money, mind and Options to do so. BD’s advice is rock solid and you may want to consider an OLTR despite the above 4 steps taken.

  3. Nice article BD, glad I found your content…Exited Stage 2 via divorce (we had sex 3 times in the prior year lol and I finally broke down and cheated), 3 months ago, NEVER to be monogamous again.  Rejoice!  Now I just need to figure out how to get laid regularly again…

  4. “For people under 60, ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE TEMPORARY.”

    Gents, print that on a big sheet and stamp it next to your bathroom mirror. Just make sure to cover it anytime you have a woman coming over.

  5. Maldek – That system will only work if you do an OLTR Marriage and the guy is rich and the guy wants piles of kids. If all three of those things are true, then I agree. If not, I don’t recommend doing anything like that.

    And that woman is STILL likely to divorce you eventually.

    Now I just need to figure out how to get laid regularly again…

    Start right here.

  6. Given all the advice you have provided BD for years, I’m just wondering if all the stuff about women sexually going off their husbands or co-habiting partners is even known about amongst the ‘experts’ who advise us all on how to run our lives….we live in such an advanced age, and no one out there apart from yourself and readers of your blog seem to be even remotely aware of this major catalyst for the break-up of marriages…….crazy world. Maybe someone earns a living from it (can’t think of anyone…joke joke).

    It’s a pity people are so incredibly embarrassed to talk about the ‘technicalities’ as to why sex diminishes amongst couples after a few years of co-habiting, but thankfully KryptoKate enlightened us all in another post. I’d love to see how much more reliable marriages would be if women didn’t go off their husbands.

     

  7. Thank you sir, I am on it… 300 openers in so far… 4 responses… actually scheduled one date but she flaked.  Slow going… but I am committed to making this work.  Had a photographer hired but she flaked on me too, haha.  Will find another.

  8. This article ties in with the previous one. Isn’t this Guy Disney crap really just all about slut shaming? I’ve never understood these alpha 1.0 guys who want to live like the Taliban, or like the 17th century Puritans. When they say that there are no “good women,” what they mean is there are no virgins, no women who are completely asexual (except with him), and no women who will never cheat on him while cooking and cleaning, with him financially supporting her!

    Why would any man want this 1950s economic parasite? Why would any man enslave his bank account, his stomach, and his hygiene to a gold digging prude? That’s why they want to go to third world shitholes. They want to find these 72 virgins sitting beside “gardens watered with running streams” who don’t even know what sexuality is until the alpha 1.0 teaches her and then makes his entire life dependent upon her as his helper in everything.

    This is masochism, anti-seduction, anti-sex (or anti-female sex), anti-sexual liberation, anti-fun, anti-male self sufficiency, and anti-everything that makes life worth living.

    Why are these 1.0 assholes in the seduction community again? Aren’t there Muslim nations they can immigrate to?

  9. I’d love to see how much more reliable marriages would be if women didn’t go off their husbands.

    I’d love to see a world guided by rationality where the concept of marriage doesn’t exist. Why do marriages need to be reliable? I would say, the more unreliable marriages are, the more sex-positive and happy our society becomes.

    I see nothing wrong with women sleeping with other men on the side. In fact, cheating should be encouraged. How else are we going to expose monogamy as the puritanical joke that it is?

  10. I fit largely into some of those generalizations.  I don’t plan on ever getting married to a woman here, and I’ve been dating a woman from the Philippines.  However, I don’t see her as some special unicorn that bends space and time to somehow be impervious to her female nature.  I picked her because she was raised in a culture where feminism isn’t mainstream, where divorce is not allowed and social pressure shames infidelity.  She’s a virgin, we get along really well, and she doesn’t get on my nerves (I usually lose patience or interest with most women after a few weeks).  Based on what I know about women, I do have my doubts.  Her being exposed to this culture over years, or having a group of friends who were raised in this culture will pressure her to take on more feminist beliefs in order to fit in here.  Sure, the chance of infidelity could be minimized by moving to a more rural area, but after enough years it will almost definitely end up with her restricting sex, and I understand that.

    I guess a lot of it comes down to being burnt out with the hookup culture.  It was the same thing over and over, and it felt empty, plus I’ve been starting to get an itch to have children.  If I’m gonna do that, I want to give it the best chance of success and have kids with a woman I can respect, though not worship.  She wants to hold out on sex until she’s married (she’s catholic), and so far it hasn’t been a major problem to me (I like porn almost as much as sex), but I’ve been getting antsy lately.  I don’t know if its a new found confidence or what, but it seems like I’ve been getting lots more sexual attention lately.  Women staring at me for longer than normal, and buddy’s girlfriend’s friends are now getting handsy with me in public.  Before I met her, I was planning on saving up so I could travel around rural Philippines, hooking up as much as possible while visiting some of the world’s best beaches.  Seems like a pipe dream now.  I’m starting to lose my patience and part of me wants to end it and be free again, but to be fair, she’s been great so far and I have to struggle to think of any major fault with her.  She’s stuck by me through some rough times and it doesn’t seem fair.

    Sometimes I’ll read people who seem much more wise than me, like SOBL (28Sherman) describe marriage and family as one of the most fulfilling things they’ve done.  On the other hand, I know women (and men) are biologically driven to cheat or be sexually repulsed by their partner after so many years.  Some days I think I’m being a naive patsy, others I wonder if I’m just being too cynical.

  11. Given all the advice you have provided BD for years, I’m just wondering if all the stuff about women sexually going off their husbands or co-habiting partners is even known about amongst the ‘experts’ who advise us all on how to run our lives….we live in such an advanced age, and no one out there apart from yourself and readers of your blog seem to be even remotely aware of this major catalyst for the break-up of marriages

    They DO know and THEY DON’T CARE.

    That’s why you see all these women who have been divorced two or even three times telling all the younger women they know to get married.

    As I’ve talked about before, the feminine model is to GET married, not STAY married.

    Why are these 1.0 assholes in the seduction community again?

    I don’t think they’re assholes (most of them anyway), but the short answer is: aging. The seduction community and manosphere are filled with guys who were PUA horndogs in their 20s and are now in their mid-30s and want to settle down. Thus the dichotomy they now face. (“There’s all these ‘sluts’ here but I don’t want a slut any more!”)

  12. @ Blackdragon

    Monogamous marriages used to work more often in the 1950s and before, but do so less often now. Actually, in the 1950s and before, women had a harder time committing adultery although they sometimes did and were better at hiding it than today’s women. The consequences were dire if they did not. The men back then had mistresses if they were rich enough and/or alpha enough or they went to prostitutes if they weren’t rich enough or alpha enough. Men got more sex back then because they could demand sex from their wives and get it. If the wives did not give sex to their husbands, then he could divorce her, and keep the kids and house because of alienation of affection. The wife could do the same to him. I imagine the monogamous marriages had a lot of dull sex with unenthusiastic wives back then, but at least the men and women  were getting laid more than now. The Sexual Revolution to one extent or another has touched every country outside the Moslem parts of the world.

    I don’t think most people especially men would want an OLTR especially an OLTR marriage. More Women would find OLTRs and OLTR marriages acceptable than men.  Men on average prefer MLTRs, FBs and monogamous marriages more than women.  That’s my opinion. Remember as Heartiste who is linked above says that women would rather have 5 years of Alpha and even share an Alpha with other women than have a Beta all to herself. Men cheat most often for sexual variety. Women cheat most often for losing love or not having NRE anymore. It is why marriages are less likely to be doomed to divorce if men cheat than if women cheat. Men are more likely to have the Madonna/ Whore dichotomy than women. Men are by far more likely to be very possessive of women and their sexuality in an single LTR especially in marriage. Men are also more likely to view women as disposable cum rags to be thrown away if they regard the woman as not long term relationship material.

    Great article. This is how it is today. All of men should read this article especially Alpha 1s and other manosphere bloggers and readers. I advise men to try to have MLTRs and FBs and to avoid OLTRs OLTR marriages and certainly monogamous marriage. Some men can handle monogamous marriage, OLTR marriage and OLTRs but most can’t or don’t want to.

  13. Guy, I”m about to eviscerate everything you just said. Just beware I’m doing it from a place of bro love.

    You are the classic case of a man who wants something so badly, he’s willing to delude himself even when the facts are right in his face.

    I picked her because she was raised in a culture where feminism isn’t mainstream, where divorce is not allowed and social pressure shames infidelity.

    Utterly and thoroughly wrong. My last 5.5 year OLTR was from the Philippines, and I know a lot about that culture. Fillipos are the horniest people on planet Earth, and cheating in the Philippines is rampant. Yes, infidelity is shamed…if the woman does it. The men cheat like madmen, and yes, the women cheat too. As for divorce, they get divorced, trust me. My ex-OLTRs parents were divorced. Why? Because her mom cheated on her dad. (And of course he was cheating on her too.)

    You’re correct that there is no feminism in the Philippines (yet), but it’s the opposite of a place of sexual purity. You could not be more wrong about what you said about that culture.

    She’s a virgin

    This means you have been dating a woman without having sex. Why the HELL are you not having sex with a woman you’re dating?!?

    I guess a lot of it comes down to being burnt out with the hookup culture.  It was the same thing over and over, and it felt empty

    This is THE standard complaint of those living the player lifestyle, as I’ve warned of many before. This is why the player lifestyle is so dangerous and unsustainable. But, the solution isn’t to go to the other extreme of absolute sexual monogamy and a legal marital contract.

    plus I’ve been starting to get an itch to have children

    Having children does not require sexual monogamy nor a legal contract. To believe otherwise is false Societal Programming.

    She wants to hold out on sex until she’s married (she’s catholic), and so far it hasn’t been a major problem to me (I like porn almost as much as sex), but I’ve been getting antsy lately.

    Good lord! Do you hear yourself? You. Are. Delusional. Dating and monogamous to a woman you’re not having sex with, and jerking off to porn instead? Ugh. You’ve gone from total player to total beta. You’ve blasted from one dysfunctional extreme to the other.

    Sometimes I’ll read people who seem much more wise than me, like SOBL (28Sherman) describe marriage and family as one of the most fulfilling things they’ve done.

    What’s fulfilling for him is being pair-bonded to a woman he loves very much.  And yes, that is very fulfilling, I agree. But I promise you that having a gun to his head via a legal contract and not being allowed to fuck other women when he’s horny for it does nothing, and I mean nothing, to add to his fulfillment.

    As is often the case, you’re confusing the rush of pair-bonding, which can be done without sexual monogamy or legal marriage, with sexual monogamy and legal marriage.

    You have utterly deluded yourself with falsehoods, and I promise you’re headed for a fall if you don’t man up and snap out of it. I really hope what I’ve written here today helps you do that. You’re going down a very dangerous road.

  14. I advise men to try to have MLTRs and FBs and to avoid OLTRs OLTR marriages and certainly monogamous marriage.

    That’s great, and I love FBs and MLTRs, but your advice is purely stuck in the theoretical world. Most men are not going to be happy with FBs and MLTRs their entire lives. Some, but not most. Most men, including extreme, high sex drive Alphas are going to eventually want to settle down and pair bond.

    Read this.

  15. @BD – I just want to say that you are a modern day manosphere genius. You have literally saved me from myself. The amount of time, money and energy I have wasted chasing this Disney/Unicorn fantasy is simply mind boggling. Thanks to your insight I am no longer making this terrible mistake. I recently relocated to the city I love, embraced the BD lifestyle and for the first time in years I feel truly happy and free.

  16. They DO know and THEY DON’T CARE.

    That’s why you see all these women who have been divorced two or even three times telling all the younger women they know to get married.

    As I’ve talked about before, the feminine model is to GET married, not STAY married.

     

    No problem, I missed that topic a year ago.

    Very convenient in the case of a guy who is the provider. I’m sure they would care a lot more if they married in certain middle eastern countries where their divorce entitlement might be as little as a suitcase.

    By the way, do virgin brides suffer a loss in sexual interest by the magic three year mark too? I came across two independent studies showing that marriages had around an 80% chance of making it past ten years if the woman remained a virgin until married. Just several previous partners were enough to make it as low as 30%!

     

  17. My guess is that pure players experience the “rubber band” effect when they age: going from extreme players to pussy beta husbands thinking it’s a “good move” when they feel the urge to settle down.

    The only thing they forget is that an Alpha sex drive is 100% independent from his feelings. We can love someone deeply and still feel the need to fuck that 18 year old hot hard ass wearing a tiny bikini. That’s called nature. If you don’t like it, go blame our maker.

    On the other hand, balance is everything! Even extreme horndogs need a nice caring hand to rub their belly from time to time. Thus the healthy habit of establishing relationships with the women we fuck.

    For instance, even a low-end FB can satisfy a small portion of our desire for companionship. Physical AND emotional. Balance.

    To stick with my example, my low-end FB can be 99% physical and 1% emotional; a one night stand is 100% physical. Something very important is lacking from this second option and it will sure affect me if I keep doing it long-term.

    After that begins the “compensation”: you go after something that was completely absent from your life (and you did not notice!). More time without acknowledging (and correcting) it, more hard you’ll go after what you were missing. The aftermath? 

    Ex-players becoming mono betas, crappy marriages, cheating and drama.

  18. BD this article and your previous one about the Myth of the Submissive Alpha need to be required reading for men and women.  Too many people waste their time wanting to “have it all” and walk around constantly disappointed and butthurt.  I think it applies more so to women but many guys aren’t immune either as you state in this article.  It’s easy to blame others for our relationship woes but it’s ultimately on us to make the best and most informed decisions.  It always frustrates me when people bitch about some Ex that “Wasted their years”, etc. etc.. when they could’ve left at anytime and pursued a better fit for themselves(these are usually not even marriages so it’s pretty easy to bail).  No one is a hostage in a relationship and you only have yourself to blame for sticking it out when you’re miserable.  Scarcity mentality is a bitch.

  19. A woman can never get bored of being with an Alpha male because it’s what her biological wiring is programmed to constantly seek out. If you top being that of course she will look else where.

     

    The true reason not to get married in Western societies is due to divorce/alimony/parenting and illegal polygamy laws not because all women get bored in marriage because that only happens with beta males and Alphas cannot truly be satisfied with monogamous sex.

     

    If polygamy wasn’t illegal you can hold down 4 wives and raise a family and your women would have no reason to cheat because they are with an alpha male. It is why polygamy is illegal in Western society because women would flock to polygamous marriages with Alpha males and Alphas would be fully committed to the setup because they get multiple partners and mothers while furthering their legacy.

     

    Harems are the next best option for Alphas but of course the women in them will periodically go to betas for security because Alphas cannot provide that in the current Western society context. Remove that impediment and the top women would be in polygamous alpha marriages.

  20. By the way, do virgin brides suffer a loss in sexual interest by the magic three year mark too? I came across two independent studies showing that marriages had around an 80% chance of making it past ten years if the woman remained a virgin until married. Just several previous partners were enough to make it as low as 30%!

    I address those studies in my book. It’s not a difference between 80% and 30%. It’s much more narrow.

    Anyway, yes, a virgin will start to lose sexual interest in a living-together, sexually monogamous relationship. Virgins are still women.

    Moreover, longer marriages doesn’t mean the husband is getting laid more. It’s actually the exact opposite.

    Moreover moreover, is your goal to get monogamous and fuck just one girl for the rest of your life? God, I hope not.

    The only thing they forget is that an Alpha sex drive is 100% independent from his feelings. We can love someone deeply and still feel the need to fuck that 18 year old hot hard ass wearing a tiny bikini. That’s called nature.

    Bingo! That’s it. So many Alphas either forget this, or delude themselves into thinking it isn’t true.

    (And by the way, this is true for women too!)

    A woman can never get bored of being with an Alpha male

    Dude, you keep saying that over and over again but you have provided zero scientific evidence or stats to back up your claim despite me asking. The last time I asked, you pointed to a fictional TV show to back up your claim.

    You’re living in a fantasy world. I hope it’s fun in there!

  21. BD – The example I provided was for how a Polygamous Alpha marriage might play out in America. it’s fictionalized because it is illegal in America.

     

    The fact that a woman cannot get bored of an Alpha male has been proven even on your Blog BD. The post you did interviewing Kryptokate I asked the question and she mentioned one guy who she still fantasizes dreams about even though they are no longer together. She would never get bored of him even though her social programming keeps on fighting with totally submitting to him. Most Western women don’t settle with Alpha males because they don’t want to be totally submissive to them not because they end of being bored.

    For examples of polygamous marriages with Alpha males just look to the Arab or African world. Plenty of men with 4 to 10 wives that are faithful and don’t leave the marriage. Again you won’t find that here because such a setup is illegal.

     

    The stats you keep referring to are obviously of women that are bored of their beta husbands. Alphas that eventually divorce after decades or years of marriage do so because they weren’t upfront about their polygamous sex life not because their wife was bored of the sex. If a woman is getting Alpha sex which is super rare why would she go out to seek that outside? They want to divorce because they are looking for non-submissiveness (societal programming)

     

  22. You’re half right. Women don’t get bored with Alphas provided they never get monogamous (women will get bored with an Alpha who stays sexually monogamous to her). My women don’t get bored with me, ever. A) I’m Alpha, B) I never get monogamous.

    However, these women don’t stay with these Alphas, including me. That what LSFNTE is all about. Was Kryptokate still fucking that Alpha she was attracted to? Nope. She left him to go fuck other guys. That’s what women do to Alphas. Happens to me all the time. And you’re right, women don’t leave these Alphas because they’re bored, but they still leave.

    And as I’ve said to you before, the only reason women don’t leave in the Arab world is because the law and society forces them to stay, not because they want to stay.

    So if you think women never get bored with nonmonogamous Alphas, you’re correct.

    But you think women will never leave nonmonogamous Alphas and stay with them forever as long as the Alpha just does certain relationship techniques correctly (and the government ins’t forcing the women to stay), then you’re living in a fantasy world again.

  23. Moreover moreover, is your goal to get monogamous and fuck just one girl for the rest of your life? God, I hope not.

    I’m 41 now, so until I came across your blog about a year ago, that was certainly possible when I was a lot more naive. Anyway, I just find women hard to take seriously now and finding FBs isn’t easy where I live when all women it seems round here want to be taken seriously…….I just can’t!! I was merely fond of one woman in the past where I agreed terms up front, but after a few months, that wasn’t good enough and the ensuing drama made me feel like I was a user. I don’t want to hurt women either.

  24. As a Ukrainian living in Britain I completely confirm what you said re stage 3.I have a couple of buddies from my country here and we don’t really date Ukrainian and Russian women .All my buddies are obsessed with getting a British or a foreign woman.Having a foreign girlfriend in the community is considered something to be proud of.There is a whole hierarchy of nationalities of women,being honest.Bring ,say,a swedish girlfriend to a russian party and you will be a subject of talks for ages. I am very neutral about it but my friends keep going on about how bad Ukrainian women are etc etc.

    Although looking down from the experience of having dated over 20 nationalities I must admit that there are differences in nationalities and some women are indeed more suitable for relationships than other.But the result is all the same in the long run.

     

     

  25. As a Ukrainian living in Britain I completely confirm what you said re stage 3.I have a couple of buddies from my country here and we don’t really date Ukrainian and Russian women .All my buddies are obsessed with getting a British or a foreign woman.

    I KNOW! IT’S HILARIOUS!!!

    Note all the manosphere sites telling Western men to go move to former Soviet Union countries to find a “good girl,” while the guys who live there hate those women and are looking to Western countries to find a “good girl.”

    It’s funny as it is sad.

    I hope you gentlemen are playing close attention here.

  26. Women don’t get bored with Alphas provided they never get monogamous (women will get bored with an Alpha who stays sexually monogamous to her). 

    @BD: Can you please elaborate why? Is there some science behind this? Why would they get bored with a non-monogamous alpha and one who is monogamous?

  27. So if you think women never get bored with nonmonogamous Alphas, you’re correct.

    I agree.

    BUT what I want to know is, if they aren’t getting bored, why do they leave? The only reason I can think of is finding an Alpha who is even better (Taller, better looking, richer, more confident etc.). If the woman:

    A. Has agreed to Non-Monogamy

    B. Acknowledges and completely understands that any other high value man (Alpha) who promises her monogamy is either lying or will end up cheating and doesn’t want to settle for a low value man (Beta)

    Then why in the world would she leave if she isn’t bored? She’d simply be leaving for a worse deal. So again the ONLY reason I can think of as to why she would leave is if she finds a higher value man who wants her for an OLTR/OM and so monkey branches.

    So if you land a girl for an OLTR and your relative SMV is that much higher that she can’t possibly do any better she could stay with you forever?

    Interested to hear your thoughts?

    Note all the manosphere sites telling Western men to go move to former Soviet Union countries to find a “good girl,”

    I believe there is still some truth to this, but the manosphere sites take it too far. I believe it’s not about landing ‘good’ girls, it’s about being able to realistically land BETTER girls, than you would in the west.

    Slimmer, more attractive, better values etc. at the end of the day women are women, but I’d rather be in MLTR‘s with 8’s-9’s that act and dress feminine, take pride in their appearance and are RELATIVELY content with you as a man, even if it takes a little more work to get them into bed.

    As apposed to a bunch of chubby, flip-flop wearing, man jawed, effeminate, loud mouthed 6’s who aren’t content with anything short of Brad Pitt.

  28. @JJ Roberts that link to Schizokardia is gold.  More required reading for men and women.  So many are at odds with their own nature-it’s no wonder everyone is so damn miserable and/or medicated.

  29. Note all the manosphere sites telling Western men to go move to former Soviet Union countries to find a “good girl,”

    I believe there is still some truth to this, but the manosphere sites take it too far. I believe it’s not about landing ‘good’ girls, it’s about being able to realistically land BETTER girls, than you would in the west.

    These forums are roughly 70-90% about seduction and 30-10% about relationships. No wonder this biased view is an imperative there.

    The average guy on any manosphere community is usually an excellent gamer but know jack shit about being with a woman on a long-term relationship. Problem is as soon as they go mono they believe they have become “experts” on the subject.

    Bottom line is you can find better girls anywhere in the Western AND Eastern free-world. Apart from some specific shitty places, there is no excuse to not go after those broads and establish good relationships.

  30. @JRM

    “Can you please elaborate why?”

    -> Quite simple. If your only source of sex is this one woman and you are an alpha who has a high sex drive, chances are you will want sex more often than she does. You will be needy, beta and weak. This will kill her attraction, her sex drive will go down and this in turn will make things worse over time.

    If you are an alpha with a LOWER sex drive than your woman, the situation is much better.

    Many alphas often have a very high sex drive in their 20s and grave sex maybe 2 times a day, at the very least once every day. More than even horny’n hot one-woman harems can provide in the long run. So they “play” with multiple women and do NOT become needy betas. Beta males may also have a high sex drive in their 10s and 20s but they lack the “many women” option. The result is well known.

    As the alpha ages past 35 his sex drive will go down. This is true for ~90% of males who are not on TRT. Then they will be happy with sex 2-3 times per week or something along these lines. This is the point in time when one super-hot 20something babe might be enough. This is also when alphas often decide to settle down. This point may be 35 for one guy, 45+ for another. But the day will come.

    Problem is, women need constant validation. If you fuck other women at the side *HOTTER THAN HER* she will never leave you. Woman logic says: He could do better! I am sooooo lucky to have him!

    If she catches you fuck a 5 when she is an 8, the situation is very different. She will be a beast, you offended her woman logic. Go for quality.

    If you do not fuck any other woman, never flirt with other women, never let her fear you replacing her with a better woman, than my friend it is very well possible she will shit-test you without mercy. Like dressing worse, gaining weight, reducing sex etc.

    My advice: If you want to keep your “special woman” around for many years and have all the sex you want; you better never give up having quality options. Make sure to let her know that.

  31. As the alpha ages past 35 his sex drive will go down. This is true for ~90% of males who are not on TRT. Then they will be happy with sex 2-3 times per week or something along these lines. This is the point in time when one super-hot 20something babe might be enough. This is also when alphas often decide to settle down. This point may be 35 for one guy, 45+ for another. But the day will come.

    Maldek, I’m sorry to say, but you’re delusional! It’s not about the amount of sex or settling down! If you’re Alpha you’ll be hardwired to desire variety! There’s no way around it!!!

    By your own words things should be very simple: have sex 2-3 times per week with the same woman and die a happy man. Even if that was feasible, you’re wrong! If you go mono your desire for variety will increase a lot because you’ll know you’re not allowed to fuck anyone else. Proven in real life time and time again.

  32. Can you please elaborate why? Is there some science behind this? Why would they get bored with a non-monogamous alpha and one who is monogamous?

    Yes. Betaization. When a man conforms to a woman’s relationship structure, then eventually, not immediately but eventually (and it might take a few years), sexual attraction drops. It’s biological and she can’t help it.

    If you never adhere to all of her relationship big parameters, you will piss her off and annoy her, but the sexual attraction will never drop. She’ll still leave, but not because she’s bored; she’ll leave becasue you’re not “following the program.” (And if you do this all correctly, she’ll be back, so don’t worry.)

    BUT what I want to know is, if they aren’t getting bored, why do they leave?

    Because you’re not following the standard Societal Programming of the Disney monogamy boyfriend-husband structure she’s been programmed with her entire life. Eventually, living outside of this structure gets uncomfortable for the vast majority of women. SP is extremely powerful.

    The only reason I can think of is finding an Alpha who is even better (Taller, better looking, richer, more confident etc.).

    No. This has literally never happened to me. 100% of the women who have LSFNTEd me (unless I’m forgetting about someone) left me for BETAS, not another Alpha.

    Why? Because the betas agreed to all the stuff I wouldn’t agree to. (In my case that’s usually monogamy and/or frequent expensive dates.)

    I’ve even had other women fuck other, way more physically attractive Alphas on the side, and they still didn’t leave me for these men. I always get dumped for betas who agree to monogamy / Disney / “gentlemen” behaviors. I’ve never been dumped for another Alpha.

    This is the one great power that betas will always have over Alphas: betas will agree to any structure a woman demands no matter how insane or unfair to the man; Alphas will not. Alpha 1.0s will agree (via lying) then violate (cheat or dump). Alpha 2.0s won’t ever agree at all. Betas will happily agree, and women know it.

    If you fuck other women at the side *HOTTER THAN HER* she will never leave you. Woman logic says: He could do better! I am sooooo lucky to have him!

    Incorrect and Guy-Disney. They will still eventually leave. I’ve been with many women who knew I was fucking hotter women than they, and they still left. I personally know several guys who had live-in OLTRs or cheating LTRs, who were fucking hotter women and the GF knew it, and they (the GFs) still left. Eventually.

    It’s not about the amount of sex or settling down! If you’re Alpha you’ll be hardwired to desire variety! There’s no way around it!!!

    Correct, but in Maldek’s defense I don’t think that was his point (I could be wrong).

    But yes, while lower sex drive is related to the feasibility of a monogamous relationship (monogamy is always easier when you’re a low sex drive man), low sex drive has nothing to do with the desire for sexual variety. I’ve personally coached many men who were much older, had low sex drives, low testosterone, but still wanted to fuck other women on the side in addition to their current wives or GFs.

  33. I believe there is still some truth to this, but the manosphere sites take it too far. I believe it’s not about landing ‘good’ girls, it’s about being able to realistically land BETTER girls, than you would in the west.
    Slimmer, more attractive, better values etc. at the end of the day women are women, but I’d rather be in MLTR’s with 8’s-9’s that act and dress feminine, take pride in their appearance and are RELATIVELY content with you as a man, even if it takes a little more work to get them into bed.
    As apposed to a bunch of chubby, flip-flop wearing, man jawed, effeminate, loud mouthed 6’s who aren’t content with anything short of Brad Pitt.

    The values are not better.They are much worse.Ex SU women don’ t take pride in work, self respect,achievement or knowledge. They parasite of men. Who they deeply,honestly despise.I don’t know anyone in Ukraine who is happily married, not a one man (and many of my childhood friends are married now). They all live in misery. All women I knew from school have followed the same pathway: marriage or cohabitation, divorce after 3-5 years etc etc. you know the drill.

    I actually think western women have more respect towards men thn ex SU.

    The only part which is true-they have higher tolerance towards betas (in fact they only want betas), which makes them easier. They also have lower standards towards looks (ugly men=beta men). This is why having a hot western girlfriend in a Russian speaking community is considered to be high status and subject of envy-deep down all eastern European guys feel that this is a sign of a true attractiveness.

    I have been to a poor latin american country and I have got an attractive girl infatuated straight away. It does not make me feel good of myself, because I perfectly realise that she is attracted to my background not to my masculinity. I feel the same in Ukraine. An average Ukrainian looses her true femininity and authentic desire towards an attractive man at the age of 16-18. After that girls learn how to suppress tingles and go after other things.

    I agree that western women are often harder re game and looks. But I am not yet at the stage to give up self-improvement and succumb to a betadom like “manosphere” teaches. In fact I  disagree that the whole manosphere teaches to go to EE countries at all. The good PUA sites and bloggers don’t teach this. It’s a small group who advocate this.

    Anyway, I dont mean to hijack the topic.I just wanted to confirm what BD said as I know real life examples.

  34. @ JRM  Because it is natural to stop desiring something you already have. Drives exist for a reason: to get you to do something. To get you to acquire something or avoid something. The feeling of desire is there to motivate you to acquire the desired person/object. Once you’ve acquired it, it would be an enormous waste of energy and completely inefficient for your system to allocate energy towards producing a drive that is now unnecessary. We all have extremely efficient bodies, and typically we only produce enough of a drive to get us sufficiently motivated to do what is needed to achieve a goal.

    What this means is that if you want someone to *maintain* sexual desire for you, the only way to do this is to never allow that person to feel that they sexually own you. Getting someone’s initial sexual attraction and desire is one thing. But once you have that, if you want to *maintain* their desire, you cannot allow that person to believe they own your sexuality. They can have access to you sexuality but they cannot own you sexually. Romantic desire and sexual attraction are essentially possessive drives — your lover wants you to be THEIRS. But the desire to possess will only last so long as one feels they don’t have the thing they want to be theirs.  There is no reason for the body to waste energy keeping someone in a state of desire when they already own the object of their desire.

    So to maintain someone’s interest, they must never believe they’ve achieved their goal or you being THEIRS, because once that goal is achieved, after a temporary burst of happiness at achieving the goal, all emotions and drives that were once aimed towards the goal are unnecessary and thus disappear. People’s body’s don’t signal to them that they’re hungry after they’ve just eaten, and likewise a woman’s body is not going to signal to her that it should bother with getting sexually aroused for a person she’s already had sex with 1,000 times and who she knows is not willing or able to leave her or have sex with someone else.

    People don’t maintain active desire for goals they’ve already achieved, they move on to the next goal. I don’t know why anyone would expect sexual desire to operate any differently. Once a person is secure that they sexually own you, their attention and emotional resources will look elsewhere because there is no longer any reason to produce desire for you. This is why women virtually always lose interest a few months after the wedding. The wedding was her goal. She had many intense emotions and desires about getting married in order to achieve that goal. But once it’s achieved, there’s no longer any need for those emotions. And at that point she’ll move on to another goal, which may be a baby or some travel/adventure goal, or potentially the goal of proving to herself that she’s still got it by making the dude she works with fall for her.

    This is why monogamy always leads to loss of desire. How “alpha” someone is (which is really nothing more than a measure of one’s relative SMP and how many options one has), is only relevant to the extent that it makes someone more attractive than the other available options. But even if a guy is the best option a woman has, she will still get sexually bored with him if she thinks she sexually owns him.  “Bored” is just a word for lacking any motivating feelings that typically drive someone to acquire something — i.e. feelings of wanting, longing, distraction, desire. But a woman monogamously married already owns her husband’s dick so there is zero reason for her body to produce those feelings anymore, other than maybe once a month to get pregnant or at the bare minimum level to prevent him from leaving. Or if he’s actually way below the man she’s capable of getting, her body will begin to produce a new feeling, which is disgust — a feeling that exists to get someone to avoid something (in this case, pregnancy by an inferior man).

    But people will also leave for the opposite reason…not because they’re lacking desire, but because they’re experiencing too many unpleasant emotions. Bad feelings exist for the same reason as good feelings– to get you to act. If a guy is a pain in the ass to be around or mean or doesn’t provide enough value to make it worth her while, she will feel bad emotions that exist to motivate her to avoid him. If she feels too many of those emotions, she will leave at the first opportunity. If he never makes her feel comfortable, she will feel too anxious too often and leave.

    Almost everyone understands their emotions backwards, with reverse causation. They believe that an emotion is the RESULT of something that happens; a reaction to circumstances. They believe that love arises as a sort of reward in response to the “right” person. This is why they expect the emotion to be permanent. But emotions are not a response, they’re a prompt. And they’re never permanent, because they’re only there to temporarily motivate you to take action to achieve a goal, and once that goal is achieved, they dissipate.

    BD’s whole system essentially works as a hack to keep people in goal-achieving mode. This prevents complacency, taking things for granted, and the death of desire.

  35. @ KK

    Basically, people want what they can’t have. 🙂

    The problem arises when the “what they can’t have” is based on a false societal premise.

     

  36. @ Al  Much more concise. Though I would say they want what they *don’t* have, not what they can’t have. And with respect to what they do have, they don’t bother wasting energy wanting it — they only use the minimum energy needed not to lose it.

    A man with no money burns with desire to have $100k in his bank account. He thinks of it, dreams of it, schemes for it, fantasizes about it, works for it, is obsessed with it. After he gets his $100k, does he sit around full of desire and longing for the money he already has? Nope, he celebrates it for a week, and then pays just enough to attention to it to make sure he keeps it safe and doesn’t lose it, but now he’s immediately focused on earning the next $100k.

    We are creatures of desire and most people will become quite depressed and miserable when they no longer have the need to desire anything. Which is why a man who tries to give a woman *everything* she desires will only end up making both of them miserable.

  37. Anyway, I dont mean to hijack the topic.I just wanted to confirm what BD said as I know real life examples.

    Women, deep down in their psyches, are the same everywhere. There’s going to be different cultural and social programming influencing their choices based on their upbringing and the environment they grew up in (obviously the country plays a part here), but deep down they are all the same, motivated by the same biological urges, just as men are.

    The difference between FSU and the west is simply, lower obesity rates (this is the biggest one), better male/female ratio, a culture that is more serial monogamy based as opposed to hook-up based (which lessens the burden on the supply/demand curve of the market). This means that the market is better for the average guy looking for the physically hottest girl he can acquire especially if he is attracted to the physical features of FSU girls, which may come down to personal taste. But that’s basically it, it’s pure economics, the supply/demand of slim, physically attractive girls is simply BETTER there.

    Everything else is just stroking your ego, wanting to get a girl because she’s harder to get? Wanting to get a girl because she likes you for YOU? Wanting to come to a country where the obesity rate is way higher so that it’s harder to get a slim girl so you can pat yourself on the back that you were able to acquire a hot girl in a tougher market? Silly.

    Humans are selfish, they all want what’s best for THEM. Forget getting women to like you to stroke your ego, because once you understand people (men and women) you’ll realize it’s silly and once you understand dating markets around the world you’ll understand it’s all just economics. Where can I go to get the hottest possible girl for the (relative) least possible investment in terms of time & money, and what is my investment going to be in terms of time and money in order to keep her around? That’s all you need to ask yourself.

    That means you have to look for the best possible market, and unless you’re into fatties who dress like men FSU is CLEARLY a better market. But if you want to stroke your ego by moving to a more competitive market because it makes you feel like more of a man, have at it.

    I know a guy who bounces around College towns in the US, he hooks up with heaps of young, attractive, college girls. Is he more a of a man because of the women he gets? No, he’s just hitting juicy markets (college towns where the male/female ratio is favorable and the women are young and wanting to experiment) and he’s constantly on the move so always has a fresh batch of options to churn through. Once you have solid game and understand women and have improved your looks, wealth and status as much possible, all that’s left is dating market arbitrage to get the best possible ROI. Example, if you’re really attracted to black women, move to Africa, not Scandinavia because the market will be better for you, if you’re attracted to slim women, move to a country with lower obesity rates, ie. FSU vs The west.

    If you’re looking for the physically hottest women you can possibly Acquire FSU is a great bet. If you’re looking for as many notches as you can get for lowest investment Philippines is a great bet. If you’re looking for a happy median between the two NYC is a great bet. If you want to compete in a tough market  for cute, slim women to reassure yourself you’re a high quality man and stroke your ego, move to Toronto or Sydney and be prepared for more work and lower ROI’s to acquire the same level of physical beauty. Once you understand all this, the whole ‘PUA’ thing becomes quite boring, and the whole ego stroking to feel like a man nonsense, becomes utterly meaningless and boring, it’s all just numbers and economics.

  38. @ Blackdragon

    I realize that most men will get monogamously married. I also realize that only some men will not get married. I realize that only some men will get monogamously married with the protections of a prenuptual agreement, child plan, keeping finances separate etc. too. I realize that most men will get married without any protection. you could say that my idea of not getting married is unrealistic and theoretical for most men, but I could say the same about your idea of marriage with built in protections. Look, I like your ideas about men choosing marriage with protections-I really do, but most men won’t even be smart enough to follow your advice nor mine. Sigh?! You and I haven’t stopped trying to help men out with helpful advice though. I have come to realize that men are the true romantics and not women. Men love idealistically and women opportunisticly generally speaking as Rollo tomassi of the Rational Male blog linked above to the right has said. I observed this to be true. If anyone does not believe me, then remember Jesus’s words, “There is no greater love than for one man(human) to lay down his life for another man(human).” Men get hurt by becoming maimed, mutilated and killed for women many times more than women do this for men. It is how we are designed by nature(genetically) and nurture(Societal Programing).

  39. @Kryptokate – Damn, you really put that into perspective and it’s true.  Thank you.

    @Doclove – Are you the same Doclove that posts on Askmen.com?

  40. @ Kryptokate

    You are doing quite well in your commentary today. I love “But emotions are not a response, they’re a prompt.” This is always true concerning women’s arousal and attraction to men. More often than not arousal are alpha and attraction are beta traits.

     

  41. Intermittent reinforcement. It’s the only way to maintain desire and motivation. Casinos have this down to a science…give gamblers enough wins to keep them playing, but once they hit the jackpot, they no longer play.

    Monogamous marriage is the woman’s jackpot and there’s no reason for her to stay motivated to desire your dick when she has it on lockdown. To keep her desire up you need to calibrate intermittent rewards…dole out what she wants (sex, attention, love, comfort) in quantities sufficient that she keeps her chips on the table and stays desirous of winning more rewards. But never let her think shes truly locked down your dick to be hers and only hers forever and ever, or she’ll no longer have any desire to make efforts to keep winning what she already has. As soon as she knows its all hers, forever and ever, she’ll stick your dick on a shelf and let it gather dust. While she turns her attention and interest to other more exciting, more uncertain goals.

  42. BD’s whole system essentially works as a hack to keep people in goal-achieving mode. This prevents complacency, taking things for granted, and the death of desire.

    Precisely.

    Look, I like your ideas about men choosing marriage with protections-I really do, but most men won’t even be smart enough to follow your advice nor mine.

    But my advice has much higher odds of being followed.

    You: NEVER GET MARRIED EVER!

    Me: NEVER GET MARRIED…but fuck, I know you probably will, so if you do, just make sure you do X, Y, and Z while you’re doing it.

    The odds are more men are going to follow my advice than yours, for the exact reasons you stated.

    I have come to realize that men are the true romantics and not women. Men love idealistically and women opportunistically generally

    Yes, I think there’s a lot of truth to that, especially as men become more pussified and women become stronger.

    This is one of the many, many reasons I stopped caring about society a very long time ago. I don’t even care about “men” in general, which is why I’m not an MRA guy or a manosphere anti-feminist crusader. Instead, I’m here to help save the 5% of betas who are tired of slavery and the 5% of Alpha Male 1.0s who are tired of drama. The other 90% of men in the Western world are welcome to march themselves right into the meat grinder, which as you just said, is clearly where they want to go, based on their relationship choices, financial decisions, and the politicians they vote for.

  43. @ Blackdragon

    I respectfully disagree that your advice of marry with protections will be followed more than my advice of don’t get married at all. We both agree that most men will get married without protections. Ive never been married in all my 47 years of life and was born in 1968. I guess we’ll see what I do after the age of 60 in less than 13 years. LOL! If I ever do decide to get married or even if my New Relationship Energy is getting too strong, someone please remind me why it is a bad idea to marry especially in the WEST particularly in the USA. My advice of not getting married and not cohabitating is better because I seriously doubt that California will be the last state or Britain will be the last nation to make pre-nuptual agreements void, cohabitating being made into common law marriages, common law marriages occurring after less years of cohabitation etc.  Although I think generally speaking men are inherently the  idealistic romantics who wrap themselves in cynicism, and women are inherently the cynics who wrap themselves in idealistic romance, I agree with you that societal programing has put these on steroids thereby making a disaster. You are right that at most only 10%  of the male population can be saved from what society which includes most men want or allow to happen even if they don’t want it.

  44. Hi Kryptokate,

    good points to made. But not all of them.

    Bad emotions. Many women are not like you, you beeing more a man than a woman you know. You may look (I hope) like a woman but your words say otherwise. Like the egg-doner-avoid-baby thing. It was smart to do so and I do believe it was the best thing you could have done BUT it was manly.

    Same here with emotions. Tons of women out there who would die for emotions. good ones and bad ones. Just give them emotions and they stick to you like glue. ANY of them. Sometimes good, more often bad. I am a natural born asshole, so you know i got some practise causing bad emotions. They are a valuable tool in my armory.

    Now your take on relationships is pretty much what you would get putting the brain of arnold into the body of angelina. All valid points. for a man. What about attraction by benefit? You would be surprised how wet poor women in poor countries can get when they can sit next to you in a nice car – for the first time in her life. The “good life” and *even more* the threat of loooooooooosing this new lifestyle is a major attraction tool. Of course for you, living like a man with your own money and career these tools wouldnt work, but please be aware how few women out of the 3.6trillion out there have these options.

    This is your blessing and your curse at the same time.

  45. I respectfully disagree that your advice of marry with protections will be followed more than my advice of don’t get married at all.

    Your comment provided no evidence for this. You’ll need to do better at backing up your contentions.

    We both agree that most men will get married without protections.

    Correct, and at the same time, more men reading this stuff will get married with protections than NEVER GET MARRIED EVER in their entire 80 year life.

    Ive never been married in all my 47 years of life and was born in 1968.

    Wonderful but irreverent. You are an individual, not a statistic. Your individual case means nothing to what the masses of men do or do not do.

    My advice of not getting married and not cohabitating is better because I seriously doubt that California will be the last state or Britain will be the last nation to make pre-nuptual agreements void, cohabitating being made into common law marriages, common law marriages occurring after less years of cohabitation etc.

    And I have addressed all those things on this blog multiple times. I say very clearly you need to get an enforceable prenup, not prenup, and if you can’t, move to a location where these things are enforced, or don’t get married.

    Now if your contention is in the context of some distant future dystopian era where all prenups everywhere on planet Earth are illegal and/or not enforced, then okay, at that point you’ll probably be right and I’ll probably be wrong. But we’re not there now, and we’re decades away from that condition, if ever.

    Lastly (and to repeat myself), you’re right, your advice IS better. I’m not saying my advice is better. I’m saying that right now, my advice has higher odds of being followed by more men. And I’m right about that.

  46. @ maldek   Hey, I totally get it. I have plenty of female friends who are poor or single mothers and they pull the same shit on me that they do on men…they want to borrow money, they want to move in and stay with me “just for a couple weeks”, they want to join me traveling or at events and ride off the tickets I buy, etc. And they use all the same techniques to try to share in those benefits as they do on men, other than the seduction part. They hug me and kiss me and tell me how much they love me and tell me I’m they’re best friend and they’re so happy they met me and blah blah blah.

    And I *know* I’m being manipulated and I know that they would all turn around and talk shit about me and turn against me as soon as they thought they no longer had any chance of benefiting from my friendship. And damn it is really hard to say no to a woman who is giving you a sympathy sob story and acting like she’s your best friend so she can insinuate herself into your life!  THANK GOD I’m not attracted to women!!! …if I was attracted to them as well, I’d be a goner! I’d be bled dry just like men are.

    Sure, you can absolutely get a woman into your life by offering her a better one and letting her hitch her shitty cart to your better wagon, no question. But it’s a devil’s bargain, because once you let someone do that they will almost immediately begin to feel entitled and will fight viciously, tooth and nail, if you ever try to cut off the benefits. And it’s not a good feeling to know that the second you took away the benefits, they would turn against you and revoke all their “love”.

    I agree with what you said about emotions — essentially, women love drama. There is almost nothing a man could be to a woman that would be worse than being boring. And I’ve had one man in my life use negative emotions to increase my attraction, but only one, and he wasn’t raised in the US. I don’t think most American men could stomach that kind of game, it requires an extremely high tolerance (or even enjoyment) of strife and conflict. Most US guys would never even consider something like saying things so dramatically offensive that the woman becomes infuriated enough to physically attack him, and then he almost immediately turns the physical confrontation into sex by subduing her… it definitely works, but most Americans find the whole idea disturbing.

  47. ” find the whole idea disturbing.” -> The most disturbing thing that was ever thrown at my by a woman was a living cat.

    “I’d be bled dry just like men are.” -> A good man takes care of his minions (be it women, children or friends). When dealing with them the secret is to use the word “no” more often than the word “yes”

    “will fight viciously, tooth and nail, if you ever try to cut off the benefits.” -> I do realllllly enjoy this part.

  48. @ maldek I guess I’m not quite that manly because I absolutely do not want and resent having “minions”. Worst of all if a man willingly and happily becomes my minion, nothing’s a faster panty-dryer…but I don’t want women, children, or friends as minions either. Unfortunately I can’t follow my own advice to men, because I have a hard time saying no to women…guys are easy, but I’m a sucker for sympathy ploys even when I know it’s a ploy.

    Most US guys would do well to stop being so afraid of having a fight with a woman, though I would never condone throwing cats. 😉

  49. This is exactly it.  All these guys out there so angry with ‘women’ and how they can’t love them right.  Give me a break.  They are angry because THEY built up a narrative, a fantasy in their head that had no possibility of being filled by any woman, and then of course the woman they are with can’t live up to these fantasy expectations.  It’s these guys’ expectations that make them miserable.

    They want a woman who will be into them forever like they were at the beginning.  Women simply don’t work that way.  The best you get is a woman who will try her best to compromise for you, but you’ll know it’s just that, a compromise.  She will logically decide to maintain some kind of sex life with you out of duty.  That is admirable as fuck.  But it’s so rare to find a woman who will really want you past that 3 year mark.  So rare it’s really not worth worrying about.

    If you just accept the way we are made as genders and operate in reality, everything is so much simpler.  No, it’s not as easy as some fantasy you have built up where your wife craves you for years on end, but at least it’s real.  Fantasies always sound great, because they are just that, fantasies.  Time to stop dreaming and wake up to the real world.

    You don’t have to be angry and call all women whores to make yourself feel better.  You don’t have to check out of society and relationships altogether because you’re angry.  Accept them for the love they can give you.   Frame your relationships around what biology allows, not around what you wish it allowed.  Open relationships are really the only answer.   I’m more convinced than ever.  Once we get over ourselves and our notions of monogamy, there will be so much less drama and divorce.

    Blackdragon is the only one who really gets it.  Every other relationships guru/forum tries to sell the fantasy, plain and simple.  There is no magic formula to get you the fantasy.  There is no unicorn.  There are real women.  They are awesome and fun if you accept them as they are.  You expect what they can give and don’t try and force them to be something different.  When you do that, you let go of all the anger.  You may still dream about that long term monogamous relationships from time to time, but then you’ll realize that relationships can still be great without lasting forever.

    I listen to a bit of Dan Savage as well because his advice is very much in tune with Blackdragon.  Relationships aren’t a failure if they last 3 years, or 10 years, or 6 months, or whatever.  Because they end, it doesn’t mean they are a failure.   It’s a silly notion we hold onto as a society.  That only relationships that end in death are successful and worthy.  When in fact, the relationships that end when they have naturally run their course are the real success stories.    So be open, end relationships amicably when they are clearly over, and be content.

  50. @Wolf

    I’m not an expert on girls from Eastern Europe, but I guess your points about them are correct. My only concern is that your overall vision regarding dating is kinda limited. By your own words:

    Once you understand all this, the whole ‘PUA’ thing becomes quite boring, and the whole ego stroking to feel like a man nonsense, becomes utterly meaningless and boring, it’s all just numbers and economics.

    One thing you’re forgetting is that human nature is a lot more complicated than that. There’s an important aspect called “seduction” which for a lot people is the quintessential essence of the act of dating (some even like it better than sex).

    If you’re a boring person everything becomes boring. Dating can be a lot of of fun and some people really dig it. Others like BD think it’s a pain and just a necessary evil. Nobody is right or wrong on this matter.

    My personal view is that you should be able to do good on any place where there’s at least some minimum social norms and laws guaranteeing your individual freedom.

    This is why I don’t think dividing the world by markets and trying to operate like a pussy trader would work for everybody.

     

  51. My personal view is that you should be able to do good on any place where there’s at least some minimum social norms and laws guaranteeing your individual freedom.

    My view is that even if you live in a shitty city, you can still find 2-5 hot women per year who will have sex with you as long as you put in the numbers and have decent game. I only need that many. However, and you touched on this, if you’re a Thrill of the Hunt guy you needs to constantly have sex with piles of new women, you’ll “feel” the difficulty of your city more than a guy like me will.

  52. Gosh, BD. This one helps to eliminate a lot of the blind spots as I move forward. Been wondering myself why I sort of get trapped in the nostalgia of how women have ‘changed’. From God knows what?!… the truth is, I’ve never really met a woman who was not a woman. Even my own sisters exhibit the same rotten behaviours I despise in other women, the cheating, the boredom, the belittling of otherwise hardworking reliable men. It is what it is. Thanks for the advice over the years, your words are worth their weight in pure African gold.

  53. BD, how do you respond to LSNFTEs (text and face to face)?

    I think Amused Mastery is called for in person, but the text response has me flummoxed.

  54. Interesting that you cite loyalty in women as a “unicorn” factor, it’s never even been a fleeting concern for me. You may snigger “naive” if you wish, but I’m not a stupid man, and I’m a good judge of character, and I know full well that all my LTR girls were mine until my dying days if I wished them to be so.

    The reason – and indeed the main reason I have so much fucking trouble with LTRs – is I’m arrogant and entitled. I never think the girl I am with is “omg amazing”. I’m always realistic that she’s an attractive girl, and has good qualities, but I can replace her at short notice if I wished to.

    This subcommunicates in my behaviour, and unfortunately ends up driving them insane with insecurity. I have no actual intention of leaving them, I’m perfectly content to just have 80% of boxes ticked and live a quiet life with good companionship – I know full well there are no unicorns out there. But the upshot of this is they make my life a misery by constantly creating drama out of thin air, trying to engineer situations whereby I can “prove” how much I care about them.

    Naturally, being intolerant of drama and bullshit, I smack them down (verbally, of course), and this just then intensifies the problem, “proving” to them that I don’t care. Or I can give them a crumb of what they want, and then they settle down for a month or two before the next episode crops up. The insecurity that my attitude creates however ensures they never, ever get sexually bored with me, or would ever leave me – my perceived value is too high in their minds.

    In the end, I end up getting sick of the drama, and have to move on for the sake of sanity.

    So in a roundabout way, I agree with you – there are no unicorns, except just not for the same reasons as you. My unicorn is a sweet, kind feminine girl who doesn’t create huge piles of emotional shit in my life every few months because she can’t handle her insecurity.

  55. I know full well that all my LTR girls were mine until my dying days if I wished them to be so

    DIIIIIIIIIIISNEY.

    However, you’ve clearly never attempted a relationship that you wanted to last 25 years or longer. If/when you ever attempt such a thing, you’ll soon find out how silly that above statement is.

    Naturally, being intolerant of drama and bullshit, I smack them down (verbally, of course), and this just then intensifies the problem

    Yep. Drama always creates more drama.

    My unicorn is a sweet, kind feminine girl who doesn’t create huge piles of emotional shit in my life every few months because she can’t handle her insecurity.

    That’s not a unicorn. I date women just like that all the time.

    But I’m never monogamous and I don’t expect any relationship I have to last a consistent 25 years.

  56. I presume you’re not trying to state here that “no woman has ever stayed loyal to a man throughout the duration of a very long term monogamous relationship” – since that’s obviously not the case.

    As far as I’m concerned, if your woman strays, and you really didn’t want her to, then you’ve always got to shoulder full blame. A physically and emotionally satisfied woman has no need to look elsewhere. The main danger for an alpha is that he gets bored, and stops putting the required amount of maintenance to the relationship.

    Anyway, don’t want to get into some protracted wrangling match. Much of what you say I fully agree with, and there are many upsides to the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle, not least of which is the elimination of drama from your life.

    I’m enjoying the blog, thanks for sharing.

  57. I presume you’re not trying to state here that “no woman has ever stayed loyal to a man throughout the duration of a very long term monogamous relationship” – since that’s obviously not the case.

    Of course not. Don’t be silly. Nothing I say applies to “all” women or “all” anything. About 10-13% of boring, low sex drive women can pull it off.

  58. Or convert to Islam and she becomes your property 🙂 .

    Honestly, I’m surprised that more betas have not done this.  It makes sense from that perspective and you can now claim that you’re “oppressed”.

  59. Or convert to Islam and she becomes your property

    Honestly, I’m surprised that more betas have not done this.

    There is a small but growing Manosphere movement doing exactly this. Or at least fantasizing about it.

  60. This got me curious so I couldn’t help checking…I can’t find anywhere that states a divorce rate above the 40-50% range, where did you get the upwards of 70% information?

    What is your take on those people you meet who have indeed been married 40+ years and talk about how happy they are that they “weathered the storms” and all that kind of thing?

  61. I can’t find anywhere that states a divorce rate above the 40-50% range, where did you get the upwards of 70% information?

    Links here.

    What is your take on those people you meet who have indeed been married 40+ years and talk about how happy they are that they “weathered the storms” and all that kind of thing?

    My response is this and this.

  62. Hi BD

    maybe unrelated but went in here to ask as it’s very fresh..

    so i have found my unicorn

    actually known her for a few years while she was unavailable, we always had crazy chemistry,

    and she’s definitely my all time num 1 prospect – sexiest i’v ever seen, best intelectual connection and general good logic for us to be together, of course all this together had made me nervous so as i coincidently met her today, and actually went over to her house at night time. i was a coward and didn’t go for a kiss.

    just chit chat and back home….(i’m feeling very awkward and unconfident lately)

    so my question, from your experience, you think i could get another chance?

    what should i do?

    i know she was very into me but afraid i have been super beta and ruined all the tension etc…

     

  63. so i have found my unicorn

    No, you have hardcore oneitis for a friendzone girl you haven’t even fucked. I don’t answer “there this one girl…” questions, but you’re so oneitis-whipped you need to go fuck 1-3 new women who are cute and move on from this one ASAP. Everything you said was beta as fuck. Snap the fuck out of it and be a man.

  64. Here’s some news for you Black Dragon, I’m here to tell you are wrong and you shouldn’t rip some man’s dream by assuming that such women are made of thin air. While I can’t vouch for the existence of the fabled Unicorn Man, which I haven’t yet come across, there are most definitely Unicorn Women, albeit rare and notoriously out of the spot light. You will not find them at the bar, they will walk unassumingly on the street, they will not throw themselves at you or purposely draw your attention. I do know one for certain, what could be classified as INTJ, according to the MBTI. In my small country, I have only heard of the existence of one, a legend of sorts. Legendary enough to be spoken in a low voice, like a well hidden secret, a treasure known, but fiendishly hard to get. That good. It exists. There’s just not enough of them for men to even hope to find them.

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