Letting Emotions Rule You
I’m about to tell you a true story. I have changed the names and some of the minor details to protect the anonymity of those involved, but the story is 100% true.
Rick is a longtime friend of mine. We’ve been buddies since we were both in school, going back over 25 years. I don’t see him often these days but I consider him a life-long friend.
Rick is very good looking and charismatic. In school, this used to really piss me off because the girls who knew both of us always wanted to get with Rick instead of me. Even my sisters wanted to get with Rick. That’s the kind of guy he was (and still is).
He’s not quite an Alpha. He’s what I’ve called a “cool beta” or “confident beta,” that type of beta who is a little more confident and lies more towards the Alpha side of the scale, but is still clearly a beta. He was in demand among women, and he would date hot girls, but he got oneitis often and always quickly jumped into monogamous relationships, suffering all the usual problems monogamous men have. I, on the other hand, never had a girlfriend until I was 25 years old, by choice. I preferred to play around with friends with benefits instead.
Rick’s parents had a lot more money than my parents (hell, all my friends’ parents had more money than my parents). So after high school he went to college and then medical school. As he got older he clearly formulated his “type.” He was into hot Asian girls. He was a white dude like me, but unlike me he started going after Asian women who, in his words, had “tight little bodies.” Being good looking himself, he had no problem getting them.
In med school he met one of these Asian women, a girl from SE Asia named Suzi. As was usually the case for Rick, he got oneitis almost instantly. He fell fast and hard and got monogamous as quickly as possible. Suzi, being a traditional Asian girl, was delighted. She had snagged a good looking, white, American boyfriend from a family with money who was going places.
Rick and Suzi completed med school and got married. Of course, they didn’t sign a prenup. Rick started his own medical practice, and Suzi assisted him in the office once or twice a week. Soon, they had two kids and Rick became successful. This was fun for us, because he was becoming successful in his medical practice around the same time I was becoming successful in my consulting practice.
That was the good news. Here’s the bad news. Rick’s marriage was… interesting to say the least. His wife ran his life. No, I’m not just saying that. I’m being literal.
All the money Rick made in his practice he gave to Suzi. She would pay all the bills, buy all the stuff, and give Rick a tiny allowance. I believe it was $60 a week. He was never allowed to spend any more money than that. (Imagine a doctor with his own practice making $60 a week.)
“I haven’t written a check in over nine years,” he told me once.
I used to run my profit and loss statements and get excited about hitting my financial goals. (I still do this.) I would ask him how much money he made in the last year, and he would say, “I don’t know. Suzi takes care of all that.”
“Wait a minute,” I said, “You literally don’t know? You don’t know how much money you make?”
“Nope,” he said, with an embarrassed look.
Being first generation Asian, Suzi would also send Rick’s money to her relatives all over the world, to the tune of thousands of dollars a month. Rick didn’t like it, and complained about it often, but Suzi would tell him “that’s just how a marriage is!” and he would walk away grumbling.
Suzi drove the nice, new, fancy SUV. Rick drove a little piece of shit sedan that was several years old. Suzi told Rick exactly how to run his medical practice, exactly what classes to take, what equipment to buy, who to hire and fire, etc. Like the typical beta, Rick grumbled and argued, but obeyed.
One day Rick invited me to see The Two Towers with him at the movie theater. We both loved Tolkien and Dungeons and Dragons as kids, so I told him hell yeah. He then sheepishly told me that he wasn’t allowed to hang out with friends his wife had never met, so that she had to come with us to the movie to “approve” me as “appropriate” for him to hang out with.
I asked him if she liked Lord of the Rings too, and he said no, she hated it. She was literally going to get a babysitter and watch a three-hour movie she hated, just to make sure I was an appropriate friend and that her husband didn’t do what he wasn’t allowed to do (whatever that was; it was a long list).
I laughed, called him a pussy, and said I didn’t give a shit. At that point I was married as well, and my wife at the time didn’t care what I did in my free time.
Sure enough, the three of us went to see the movie. She was stern and quiet the entire time. He was awkward and embarrassed. Afterwards, he happily told me that she “approved” of me because I was married and I didn’t drink. From that point forward, he was “allowed” to spend time with me without her. We saw movies and went to UFC fights, where he complained about his marriage.
The entire thing was horrifying to watch. I felt sorry for Rick. However, since everything in your life is your fault, this marriage was his fault. He could have dumped that bitch whenever he wanted, but he didn’t. Despite the pain and prison-like existence, he choose to stay with her anyway like a good little beta.
Many years later, Rick finally snapped. One day he was at a strip club. How he got there without his wife finding out, I don’t know. There, he met a stripper, and fell in love with her. Being typical Rick, he got oneitis hard and fast.
I don’t have many details about this next part, but at some point his wife found out. Not only was Rick cheating, but he was actually in love with his mistress.
Rick and Suzi got divorced. Rick was mercilessly raked over the coals. She got everything – the house, the cars, the kids, and most the investments. Rick was able to retain his medical practice, but the judge forced him give half the ownership to Suzi. Since Rick had no money to buy her out, he took out a loan for 50% of his practice, paid her, and then started making massive loan payments to the bank.
During all of this, Rick moved in with the stripper and got her pregnant by accident. Soon he had a third child.
The last time I saw Rick, he was so stressed out that he could barely see straight. He had to pay alimony and child support of titanic proportions to the ex-wife, a massive monthly loan to the bank, plus support his new girlfriend (who at that time didn’t work) and their new son. Even though Rick’s a good looking, intelligent, successful doctor with a six-figure income, he’s completely destitute. Now in his early 40s, he’s fucked for life.
When Emotion Rules You
This story is not unique. I could tell you many other true stories of otherwise capable, intelligent, skilled, educated men who have completely destroyed their lives because they constantly make their relationship decisions with their hearts or cocks instead of their brains. I’m sure you probably know a guy or two like this (or perhaps are one yourself). Guys like this:
1. Men who got the wrong women pregnant by accident because they were stupid and didn’t use protection, or trusted her when she said she was “on the pill” or “couldn’t get pregnant.”
2. Men who married the wrong women (and of course didn’t sign a prenup).
3. Men who moved in with the wrong women.
4. Men who had babies on purpose with the wrong women.
5. Men who got incurable STDs by not using condoms when they knew they should have.
6. Men who stay in high-drama relationships with bitchy girlfriends.
7. Men who stay in shitty marriages with dominant, nonsexual wives because they’re too afraid to get divorced.
The list goes on and on.
Your emotions were not designed to make decisions. That’s what your rational mind is for. This is the way life works – you make major decisions with your mind and then reinforce them with your heart.
The problem is too many of you fuckers have this exactly backwards. You make major decisions with your heart, and then once you’re stuck in your new bad situation, you use your mind to defend your ego and justify your dumbass decision.
Whenever you get the urge to move in with a woman, or marry a woman, or promise monogamy to a woman, or cum inside a woman, or not leave a woman who is treating you like shit, COME TO A COMPLETE STOP. Stop, pause and THINK for a minute. Take three or four deep breaths. Calm your emotions down, so that your rational mind can start working again just long enough to steer you away from disaster.
Making little decisions with your emotions, like whether to order the chicken or the steak for dinner, is perfectly fine. But, for the love of god, don’t ever make big decisions with your emotions. That’s not what your emotions are for. Your emotions are there to excite you and power your motivation, after you make a good choice with your logical, rational mind.
That’s how I use my emotions. Every day I use them to bolster my motivation for my big goals in life; goals I used my rational mind (for the most part) to determine. When I get excited and my emotions start pushing me in a direction that I know will cause unhappiness for me later in life, I tell my emotions to shut the hell up. (I describe this in detail in in my book when I discuss your inner caveman.)
Is this easy to do? No. Just like any technique, it takes practice. I also admit that doing this is easier for some personality types than others. It’s still not an excuse.
Never use your emotions to make your big life decisions. Or else you’ll end up like Rick.