Proven Dating Technique: How To Use Variance
I used to wear a fancy suit (though usually without a tie) for every date I had with a woman. First date, second date, third date, etc. After the second or third date, I started to notice that many women would dump me for more thuggish looking guys. This included the women who stated, either verbally or on their online dating profiles, that they were looking for a “classy” guy.
No problem. I changed my date outfit and started wearing a black leather jacket with a dark gray T-shirt and jeans. I would wear this, or a variation of this, on every date (first, second, third, etc). Then some women would dump me for more classy looking guys. Not all the women, but some.
As this was happening, I noticed something very interesting with my online dating. When I made an online dating profile with three different pictures of me looking classy, my response rates went down. When I had three different pics of me looking casual, my response rates also went down. But when I had one classy pic, one casual pic, and a third one with a completely different vibe than the first two (like an outdoorsy pic or an action shot), my response rates went up. Noticeably up.
I learned pretty quickly that the more nuanced and different your photos are in your profile, the higher the response rates you’ll tend to get. I have discussed this in more detail in my online dating book.
I decided to test this with my real-life dates. For the first date, I would wear a classy suit outfit. This would usually be a nice suit top, nice button-down shirt (with ideal colors that complimented my skin, hair, and eye colors), a nice pair of jeans, and nice business shoes. For the second date, I would dress down with a plain, clearly old T-shirt and black leather jacket with normal shoes, and have my hair more messy and less conservative. On the third date (assuming I didn’t get laid on the second date), I would wear “normal” outfit with a standard shirt and jeans. In other words, I presented three different looks to a woman, covering both Alpha Male stereotype extremes.
When I did this, my lay ratios shot upwards. I suddenly started getting laid more and faster. Women wouldn’t dump me for guys who were classy or thuggish, because I was looking like both of these types. To be clear, I didn’t act any different on any of these dates. On all the dates, I was the usual outcome independent Alpha Male 2.0. I just looked different. It worked.
That was many years ago and to this very day I do the same thing. If I’m on a first date, I dress up in a really nice suit. On the second date, which is when I usually have sex, I dress in a very casual T-shirt and black leather jacket. This technique worked so well that I never stopped doing it.
The Concept of Variance
Both online and offline, this variance in appearance works for several reasons.
Here’s the first and biggest reason. I strongly believe, based on my testing, observations, and reports other men have given me, that women are attracted to nuance. If you’re a super good looking guy with six pack abs, you can throw up three or four crappy mirror shots of yourself online and you’ll probably get laid. But if you’re an average looking guy like me, your response rates and date rates will go up noticeably if you put up three pictures of you looking completely different in each photo. That means completely different outfits, backgrounds, and vibes. A standard model I recommend to guys is to have one classy photo, one very casual photo, and one action/outdoor photo.
(If you’re below average in looks, it’s better to have just one photo, the best you can come up with, but I’ve discussed that technique already.)
The second reason it works, particularly offline in a multi-date environment, is that it’s harder for a woman to disqualify you for another “type” if you present more types to her. If you do what I do, and dress like a businessman on one date and a thug on the next, it’s going to be mentally harder for her to dump you for a guy who is more classy or thuggish. You’re…both! Granted, she can still dump you for a hundred other reasons, but you’ve at least eliminated some of the big ones.
The third reason is that it makes you unpredictable. Unpredictable = attractive, at last in the seduction / dating phase. (In the relationship phase, unpredictable = drama, but on a first or second date, we’re no where near that zone yet.) If you show up looking like a rebel badass on one date and a classy businessman on the second, even if it confuses the hell out of her it’s still going to help keep you far away from that dreaded Make Him Wait button. It keeps you unpredictable, non-boring, and interesting.
During any interaction with a woman where you’ll be seeing her more than once before sex, regardless of whether it is offline or online, be sure to showcase variance in your appearance. If you’re not already doing this, you’ll get to sex noticeably faster and more often when you start.