Relationship Advice and Hypocrisy
A few days ago, Bristol Palin, daughter of Sarah Palin, and advocate/spokesperson for abstinence, teen pregnancy prevention, and sexual responsibility, announced that she was pregnant, yet again. Once again, it was out of wedlock, and this time with a different baby daddy than before.
She was bitchy about it at her blog, saying things like,
I’m announcing this news a lot sooner than I ever expected due to the constant trolls who have nothing better to talk about!!!
I do not want any lectures
Yes, you pampered, hypocritical bitch, I’m sure you don’t. This is a woman who was paid as much as $30,000 per speech and $260,000 by one charity alone for preaching about sexual responsibility and pregnancy prevention.
Is she going to get an abortion? Of course not. She’s a right-wing conservative. She’s going to have the baby and all of her friends and everyone in her family will kiss her ass, just as most people do these days when young, unmarried women have babies by accident.
Of course she quickly backtracked and said the pregnancy was “planned.” Yeah, right. If that’s true, that makes all of this even worse.
I’m not going to spend the rest of this blog post bashing this doofus. That’s too easy, and it’s not even the real problem. She’s wealthy, and I’ve said before that I don’t mind if wealthy single women crank out babies. (Though the fact she’s a raging hypocrite who ripped off thousands of dollars from charities doesn’t do much for her.)
The real problem here is society’s worship of hypocrites when it comes to relationship and sex advice. I’ll give you several examples.
1. Barbara De Angelis. This woman was one of the foremost relationship experts of the 80s and 90s. For many years she was all over TV and hailed as a relationship expert. She sold products, put on seminars, had several New York Times bestsellers, and made millions of dollars teaching people, mostly women, how to have quality, lifelong relationships.
Just one problem. She’s been divorced five times.
I don’t mean she’s been divorced five times by now. I mean back when she was popular, she had been divorced five times, all before 1995. One of the five husbands was none other than John Gray, the author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
It gets worse. Back in the early 90s, I watched several long interviews with Barbara, and she’s, well, a psycho. She would talk seriously about having past life experiences. She would have actual, hyperventilating panic attacks if her boyfriend didn’t call her every day, especially while traveling, and update her on exactly what he was doing at all times.
None of this seemed to bother society, who pumped her up as some kind of qualified relationship expert and bought products from her to the tune of millions of dollars.
2. Tony Robbins. Look, I love Tony Robbins. Really, I do. I’ve seen him speak several times, have read his books, and his original Personal Power program definitely contributed to some of my successes in life back in the early 90s. His general success principles and NLP stuff is top-notch and I wholeheartedly recommend it to others.
The problem is that he made millions of dollars on seminars and products around the topic of how to have a marriage that “lasts a lifetime” and how to find the “perfect mate”.
I have no problem with people making money giving advice. I do that myself. But you’d better be the example of the advice you’re giving. I have no problem with Tony giving advice on how to turn your life around, or form new habits, or make a lot of money. He’s done all that stuff. But having a quality marriage?
Tony married an older single mother with three kids, the oldest of which was just a few years younger than Tony at the time. While being married to this woman, he fathered a child with another woman. Then, as many of you know, Mr. Marriage That Lasts A Lifetime got divorced. Oops.
Worse, he married another woman the same year he got divorced. This new woman was married to another guy when she started dating Tony, and left the dude to marry Tony.
Does any of this sound like someone using good relationship strategies?
3. Dr. Laura Schlesinger. Dr. Laura was a hugely successful radio talk show host who gave advice on relationship issues, mostly marriage and relationships. Being a right-wing Christian, she regularly berated callers, quite angrily, about how they should not “shack up” (i.e. move in with someone) unless legally married, how people should be faithful in marriage, how people should pick quality partners, how people shouldn’t get divorced, how women shouldn’t have babies out of wedlock, how people should respect their family, etc.
She made millions upon millions of dollars with this advice, and was almost a household name.
Just one problem. She had blatantly and repeatedly violated all the advice she gave. She dated a married man. He actually moved in with her, while not being married to her, and stayed with her for nine years. After his divorce, they finally got married. Why? Because she got pregnant. Out of wedlock.
She didn’t speak to her own sister or mother for 18 years. Her mom died alone in her apartment, and no one knew for two months until her dead body started to stink up the place. Dr. Laura had no idea, and apparently didn’t even care.
4. PUA and the manosphere. Obviously this isn’t mainstream, but this hypocrisy extends even to our little world. Just off the top of my head, I could name at least seven PUA/manosphere gurus right now, many of whom you’d know or have heard of, who have given advice on how to “find the perfect girlfriend” or “find the perfect wife” or give relationship advice in general. These guys went on to either get married or move in together in a monogamous relationship, brag about how happy they were (often adding that they “didn’t need PUA any more”) only to have it blow up in their faces a year or two later. Breakups, move-outs, divorces, drama.
(No, I’m not going to name names, so please don’t ask. That would cause a flame war and I don’t have the time in my schedule at the moment to deal with the fallout, even if it made me money. But many of you know who these guys are.)
This is why I A) never give advice regarding monogamous relationships and B) never give advice about how to have a relationship or marriage that lasts “the rest of your life.” I have no successful experience with monogamy, nor is having a marriage that lasts “the rest of your life” possible for most people in the modern era, particularly Alpha Males.
In society, people are (for the most part) smart enough to not take get-rich advice from people who are poor, or get-fit advice from people who are fat. But for some bizarre reason, people will happily suck up relationship and sex advice from hypocritical dumbasses like Bristol Palin who are doing the exact opposite of the crap that they’re advising other people to do.
Even if some people point out the hypocrisy, these hypocrites are often vehemently defended. It’s fascinating as it is sad.
One of my personal business standards is to not give advice in areas I have no experience in. Guys ask me all the time to give advice about things like monogamous relationships and fitness, and I always refuse. I have no expertise or real successes in these areas, so I refuse to give advice about it, and will continue to do so.
I’m not sure why this is difficult for other people to do. If you haven’t done it, don’t shoot your mouth off about it. If you’ve done it, but don’t know for sure if it’s really worked out yet, keep your mouth shut about it until it does. If you aren’t practicing what you preach, stop preaching. (If you want to talk about what you would like to, or about something theoretically possible, or something you’re attempting, that’s all okay. I often do that myself, but I make it very clear that it’s not something which I’ve personally accomplished yet, and thus not qualified to give advice about.)
The problem isn’t Bristol Palin. The problem is a society so needy for relationship or sex advice that they’ll listen to just about anyone who gives the said advice, regardless of whether that advice makes sense or if the advice-giver is actually doing (or has done) what they’re advising.
Society created Bristol Palin. It’s our fault. And society isn’t done creating more of her.