How to Completely Screw Up a First Date
I stumbled across this video while looking for a completely different video (you know how that happens?) and was riveted. This woman is describing the exact same behaviors many other women have described regarding men on first dates.
The man she describes pretty much goes down the entire list of everything I talk about regarding first dates and does the exact opposite. I realize we’re only getting the feminine side of the story here, and she might be exaggerating some of the details. Granted. However, I’m still going to cover all of these mistakes since this woman is not describing an outlier and she’s not describing some unusual asshole. Just about everything she’s describing is extremely common with guys on dates, both with beta males and some low-game Alpha Male 1.0s.
The guy starts out with what is probably a fantastic photo on Tinder and some very solid online game. But once the real-life date begins, it’s a complete fail.
1. He doesn’t greet her nicely or warmly. Just stares at her and puts up his hand for a high-five.
Greet her warmly. Say hi. Smile. Give her a hug if you’re the huggy type. BE NICE. It’s not that hard. Remember, she’s probably nervous, and a nervous woman is not going to have sex with you. On a date, your job is to get her relaxed as quickly as possible.
2. He stays talking on his phone for too long.
I can’t believe I have to say this, but gentlemen, when you’re on a date and she walks in, get the fuck off your phone. I’m not saying you have to instantly hang up as soon as she sits down next to you. Just politely wrap up your phone call and end it as fast as you can. “Fuck you, BD! It might be an important business call! I’m not going to shortchange that just for some chick.” I understand. I’m busy too. I run three businesses. But do you want to do business on your date or do you want to have sex with this girl? Choose one, because you don’t get both.
3. He disparages a large group of people.
He immediately starts off by insulting “poor people.” I have talked before about how, on a first date, you need to keep your political opinions to yourself. I would bet he lost the opportunity to have sex with her right then and there, regardless of his continued screw-ups.
4. He talks way too much.
And there it is, the most common mistake men make by far. If you’ve been reading this blog you know that you need to SHUT UP on first dates and make sure she does at least 80% of the talking. But like most guys on dates, he just can’t control his big dumb mouth.
5. He talks about himself.
Not only should she be doing most of the talking, the conversation should be about her, not you. If you want to talk about you, wait until after you’ve had sex with her twice. Then she’ll enjoy talking about you. But not on a first date pre-sex.
6. He brags.
Having a slightly arrogant attitude is okay, perhaps even a plus. DHVing a little on a date is also okay. But bragging is not. You know the difference.
7. He doesn’t ask her any questions.
It goes back to the SHUT UP thing. Just about everything you say on a first date should be asking her questions, in order to keep her talking. The more she talks, the higher your odds of getting to sex. If you’re talking and not asking questions, that means she won’t be talking much. Bad.
8. He orders her around (in a very uncalibrated way).
This is an interesting one. Being strong and dominant on a date is a good thing. Often when I arrive at a date, I will walk over to where she’s sitting and say, “Let’s sit over here,” then lead her over to another part of the bar and sit her down. I’m being strong and dominant, but also polite. Also, I am leading her in something we’re doing together.
Compare that to when he commands her to “go get him a beer,” like they’re married and she’s a submissive, barefoot wife. Jesus, folks. Remember that at least 60% of today’s women are dominants, not submissives or independents (though an independent isn’t going to like being bossed around either). I don’t care how tough you are or how strong your game is; bossing a woman around like that on a first (or second or third) date is going to backfire. Even if she’s more submissive she might obey you, but then you’ll never hear from her again afterwards.
9. He keeps buying her drinks when she didn’t even finish her first one or ask for more.
First off, you want to keep your first date costs low. Not gonna happen if you keep buying her drinks. Secondly, if you keep buying her drinks like that, it’s going to raise her defenses and spike ASD upwards (which is exactly what happened in her case).
10. After doing everything wrong, he finally starts running a little game, but it’s way too late and very out of place.
Eventually he started negging her a little, ran some Alpha Male 1.0 game, asked her some questions, and tried to bounce her to another location. However, all of it was extremely clumsy, horribly out of place, way too late, and just pissed her off even more.
11. He insults her when she doesn’t want to leave with him.
Hopefully I don’t have to explain why this is a bad idea. And by the way, getting frustrated when a woman doesn’t go along with your program shows massive outcome dependence.
12. He just gets up and leaves her at the bar.
Again, clearly a bad idea.
13. He goes full-stalker and waits for her outside of the bar, bugs her again, then texts her non-stop for the next 48 hours.
Massive, massive outcome dependence and neediness, which results in a massive turn-off for the woman (as if at that point there was anything he could have done to salvage things, which there was not). So many guys do this, including men who should know better.
You know what’s sad about this? He could have had sex with her if he had just relaxed a little. Clearly she thought he was good-looking, and he was successful, had money, and was a strong, confident, masculine man. He was 95% there! But because he let his egocentric, outcome dependent, Alpha Male 1.0 tendencies to run wild, he completely screwed it up.
Why I Hate Men Who Do This
Listen to me very carefully. Every time you do something like this to a woman on a first date, it makes it harder for all of us other men to get laid.
Read that again.
Every time you try to have sex with a woman on a second date and she resists, every time you pitch a date to a woman you meet online and she resists, every time you try to schedule a first or second date and she resists, it’s likely because she’s been on other dates with assholes like this guy who made one or more of the above mistakes.
If you do first dates incorrectly, you’re screwing up MY sex life, and those of other Alphas. Yes, that’s right. You are.
So STOP IT. If you want to be a prick, be a prick to everyone you like, but don’t be a prick to women on first or second dates! If you value the brotherhood or the secret society or whatever, then for the love of god, please date women correctly. Every time you piss off a woman you make it that much more difficult for the next guy she meets. And that next guy could be me or one of the readers of this blog.
This was true of the woman in the above video. She tried Tinder, went on this one date, it was horrible, so she immediately deleted her Tinder account and ran way.
She’s hot. I don’t know what city she lives in, but one of you could have had sex with her by meeting her on Tinder and dating her correctly. But no, because of that one dickhead, she’s now completely unavailable to you if you use Tinder, and likely other dating sites like OKC or POF.
“So what?” you ask, “She’s just one girl. Who gives a shit?” Because of this: multiply her by millions of women all over the western world, leaving all the online dating apps/sites, or worse, staying on them but ramping up their standards and ASD into the stratosphere, making it all harder for the rest of us.
That’s why stories like these piss me off.
Date women right. You’ll get laid, make women happy, reduce the time, effort, and money to get to sex, and you won’t screw it up for the next guy. Win / win / win.